This is a story of love between two young men. If you are under age, or live in an area where reading stories that include sex between males is illegal, or if you're not into this type of story, please leave. The story began in 1969. While the characters and their story are completely fictional, it is set at places that are real and is told against a backdrop of some real events. This was a time when all sex was safe. It isn't now, so please respect yourself and others enough to always play safe.
I would like to thank all of those who have written to me with comments, suggestions and encouragement, especially my fellow writers in the Nifty Six. The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at NJMcMick@yahoo.com.
Mark
Things started off slow with Joe and me. Yeah, I know, him coming home with me the first night might not be thought of as slow to most people, but it wasn't like we were really just starting. A few years had passed but that had been a pretty intense romantic and sexual relationship between us that summer. It was easy to slip right back into it.
What wasn't so easy was working around our schedules. I was going to school during the day five days a week and working three nights a week at The Restaurant. Joe was working full-time at St. Vincent's with different days off each week. So the slow part was that we only saw each other twice a week. One evening when I wasn't working we'd go out to eat in the Village and maybe see a movie or go back to his place to make love if his roommates were out. And Saturday nights he'd meet me after work and come home to Morristown with me. He rarely had to work Sundays so that gave us almost twenty-four hours together, plenty of alone time but also lots of time with the guys and Lucy.
After a month or so of this routine we had a long talk about our new relationship one night when he'd come home with me. I'd made love to him and we were cuddling afterwards.
"So, how do you think it's going, Joe?"
"Damn good, Mark. Sometimes your memory can play tricks on you and you think things were better than they really were, so when you try to recapture those old times it's disappointing. But this has been better than ever. I'm not just talking about the sex, either, the wild things that big schlong of yours does inside me. I'm talking about the rest of you, too. You were a sweet and loving guy back when we first met. In spite of what you've been through since then, deep down you haven't changed. You're beautiful."
"Thanks, babe, you've always been so good for me. They always say that you can't go home again, so I was worried that it wouldn't be the same for us a second time around, but I think that so far it's even better. Maybe it's because we've both grown up a bit."
"Back in that first summer, there was no pressure on us because we both accepted right from the start that it was a short term thing. I was worried that we might be feeling some pressure this time because we're both looking for more but I always feel at ease with you."
"Same here, Joe. I think that, as inconvenient as our schedules are, maybe it helps that we can only see each other a couple of times a week. That forces us to take it slow and easy."
"In a few months you'll be graduating from law school. Once you get a full-time job with a regular schedule we'll be able to see more of each other. By then, we should be well on our way."
"Yeah. I don't know if I've told you lately, but I love you, Joe."
"It's probably only been a few hours but I love hearing it, Mark. I love you, too."
A few days later Brad came by to make one of his regular checkups on me. I knew he came to visit because he genuinely wanted to be around me but I also knew he was concerned that I was doing okay.
"Are things still going good with you and Joe?"
"Yeah, Brad, very good. I can't believe how lucky I am. For the longest time I just looked at that summer with Joe as a wonderful memory, but something that was over. And now he's back in my life and it's better than ever. It's not often life gives you a second chance and I'm not wasting it."
"You don't have to tell me about second chances, Mark. I appreciate every day and every chance I get."
"You keep asking me how I'm doing, Brad, but what about you? You seem pretty good but are you really doing okay? How's the therapy going?"
"I'm good, cuz, really. Better than I thought I'd be. I still space out now and then, kinda get lost in the jungle, so to speak. And then there are the questions that keep running though my head, like why Craig and I lived when all of the others were killed. The shrink I'm seeing at the VA hospital is really good, though. I'm glad Mom insisted I go."
"I probably could have used a good shrink a while back but I was fortunate to have good friends who came to my rescue. It still takes time, though."
"Yeah, it does but every day I feel more like the old me. Lucy and I have been talking and we've decided it's time to take the next step, to get started on our life together."
"You mean you've set a date?"
"Yeah, in late July. We've decided to have the ceremony at Church of the Redeemer here in town and then the reception at the house in Mendham."
"Fantastic! You two belong together. I'm so glad you're getting settled in, getting used to being back."
"Well, I'll have to admit that as fantastic as it was to be home and see everyone it was a little awkward at first. Lucy was living with the guys and the babies. They were all so comfortable and I just didn't seem to fit. But aside from the slight change in living situation, it was almost immediately like old times. We're all family, that hasn't changed."
"And you're okay with the kids?"
"That was the most awkward part, the part I thought I'd have the most trouble with, but those boys are so beautiful and loveable. The first time I held them I was hooked."
"So it's all good, then. Even so, I thought you and Lucy were going to wait until the fall."
"We were but we don't want to take Tyler and Jason on our honeymoon so we have to get married during summer vacation when everybody is home from school. I want to start working full-time for the firm in the fall so summer works for that, too."
"I can't wait, Brad. This wedding is something the whole gang of us wants, something we were all afraid would never happen. It's gonna be great."
March 1975
Billy
As awkward as that first dinner with Mama was, it was still a good start. I knew it wasn't going to be easy getting back to a mother-son relationship with her, that it would never be anywhere near the same as it once was, but with a little work, we could build a new relationship. Danny and I pretty much decided to spend as much time with Mama and Gram as possible to focus on it. For our next meeting, Mama invited us to dinner at her place. Fortunately, she and Pop had moved to an apartment in Vailsburg, a little part of Newark stuck in between East Orange and Irvington. I don't think either Danny or I would have wanted to go back to the old apartment in Central Ward. That place had nothing but bad memories for us.
After dinner, Gram started clearing the table and Mama was still going on about how sorry she was for handling my coming out so badly and how she was working on it.
"You have to understand my religious background, boys. I believe every word of the Bible and the Bible says it's wrong. I'm trying to get past that but it's hard."
"I understand that, Mama, but I'm sure you don't really believe every word of the Bible. No one could possible live according to every rule laid out in the Old Testament. Over the years, organized religion has dropped a lot of the old laws as times have changed."
"I realize that, William, but change doesn't come easy to me. You must think I'm a silly woman, Danny. I'm sure your parents handled all of this better than I."
I heard Danny take a sharp intake of breath. He looked down at the table and was silent for a few seconds.
"I don't think you're silly at all, Mrs. Matthews. And no, my parents didn't react any better than you. Excuse me, I think I should help Gram with the dishes."
Danny got up, grabbed a few glasses and went into the kitchen. Mama looked at me.
"Oh dear, did I say something wrong?"
"You could say that, Mama. Danny's parents haven't spoken to him since that day you called them and told them about us."
"Oh, I'm sorry, William. I was so angry and agitated that day I didn't know what I was doing. And of course I blamed it all on Danny."
"Danny's the one you owe an apology to but leave it for another time. Let's just drop it for now, okay?"
Danny stayed in the kitchen and cleaned up while Gram cleared the rest of the dishes from the table. Afterward we had coffee in the living room and talked about less tense subjects. Things were getting better but it was going to take a while.
That night Danny was in a quiet mood. I made love to him, very low-keyed, sweet and tender. Afterward I just held him in my arms. This was always my favorite part of making love, the cuddling and closeness after. Well, one of my favorite parts. It was as if in the course of our physical coupling our souls were also united, and that lasted a lot longer than the physical pleasure.
"How are you handling all of this with Mama, Danny? I know it must be tough on you, seeing me getting closer to her, with the way things are with your parents."
"I'm happy for you, Billy, I really am, but you're right, it is hard. I guess I'm a little jealous."
"You mean you wish it was you, not me?"
"No! No, I didn't mean that at all. I wish it was both of us. I'd never wish for something good to be taken away from you so I could have it."
"I know, Dan. I wish it was both of us, too. I feel kind of guilty about the way things have worked out."
"Don't, Billy. If it was only going to be one of us, I'm glad it's you. What you went through with your parents was so much worse, you should find some happiness there."
"Yours will come some day, baby. You'll see."
"You give me all the happiness I need, Billy. The rest would be nice, but as long as I have you, I have everything I need."
Danny fell asleep in my arms a few minutes later. I just held him for a while before I drifted off, tears running down my cheeks.
Charles
Billy and Danny were pretty preoccupied with Billy's family for a while. I got to meet them the second time they came over for dinner. I liked his grandmother a lot but his mother seemed kind of stuffy. She wasn't rude or anything, she just wasn't very warm or friendly.
I was spending a lot of time with Keith, Lauren and their friends. It was just so nice to be accepted by a bunch of great kids. They were mostly paired up in couples but there were a couple of other singles like me so I didn't feel like the odd man out. Yeah, I was the only gay one and that made me a little odd, but none of them seemed to care. That in itself was nice. I was also getting resigned to being single. I began to realize that it wasn't so much the sex I wanted though; it was the whole teenage dating thing.
After all, I knew Keith wasn't getting any from Lauren. He didn't say he was but everyone assumed and he let them think that. But Lauren and her friends trusted me and confided in me. I guess they thought of me as one of the girls. So I knew that in spite of what the guys wanted everyone to think about them getting laid, they were just as frustrated as me. I just wished I had what they did, someone special in my life, someone I could spend time with, hold hands with, maybe make out a little with. I wanted closeness and affection as much as I wanted sex.
I thought at first that being out would help me find someone, that other gay guys would gravitate toward me. It was just the opposite, though. If there were any other gay guys in my class, they were all totally in the closet, which meant that they wouldn't be caught dead talking to me. Guilt by association, you know.
One Saturday night the guys had their old friends, Tim and Evan, over for dinner. I'd met them a couple of times and they seemed nice but they were so much older than all of us I just didn't have much to say to them. I just ate my food while they talked, mostly about mutual friends and teaching. After a while, Danny tried to bring me into the conversation by bringing up my social situation at school. I wasn't thrilled to be talking about it with other people but I did talk a little.
"I'm beginning to think that I'd probably have a better chance at finding a boyfriend if I was in the closet. At least then guys wouldn't be afraid to be seen with me. Being the only one out in the school means I'm the only one I can date. It's a pretty lonely way to date but at least I can have sex whenever I want it."
The others laughed but Evan was pretty understanding.
"I'm sure over time more and more kids will be coming out, but that doesn't help you any now. There's a student in my school who's in a similar predicament."
"You mean there's a kid who came out in Somerville High, too?"
"He didn't exactly come out, Charles. He's very effeminate and kids have always put him down for it and assumed he was gay."
"That doesn't mean he is, though."
"You're right, Charles, but I've talked to him. He is gay. He handles the put-downs from the other kids pretty well. I suppose he's had to deal with that all his life so he's used to it. He's still a lonely kid, though. I wish there was more I could do for him than just listen but unfortunately I can't come out and risk my job."
"Maybe you could introduce him to Charles, Evan. You know you like to play matchmaker."
"I do not, Tim. You're the one in this family who likes to meddle in people's lives."
"Okay, I'll butt in then. How about it, Charles? Would you like to meet him?"
"Well, Tim, I don't know if we'll hit it off that way. I've never really known anyone effeminate and I'm pretty turned on by butch guys but I'd really like to talk to another kid who's in the same situation as me. Maybe we could at least be friends."
"Then I'll talk to him and see what we can arrange. You'll have to be careful not to let on to him that I'm gay though."
"Don't worry about that, Evan. I'm real good at keeping quiet about Danny and we're both in the same school. It's becoming second nature to me."
April 1975
Lucy
I was doing my best to get in as much work as I could but I'd pretty much written off the busy spring season before it began. With two babies to take care of and a wedding to plan and wanting to spend as much time with Brad as I could there just wasn't much time for work. Billy and Danny were great. On the weekends they took charge of the house and the kids from the minute Danny got home from school on Friday until they left for work Monday morning. During the week they were pretty good, too. The kids and I usually took a nap early in the afternoon and then went over to Aunt Connie's when she got home from school just after four. Danny usually walked to school so he got home a while after Aunt Connie. He took charge of the babies so Aunt Connie and I could have some time to ourselves. Billy didn't get in until nearly five thirty. Usually Charles hung out with his friends after school until suppertime. Some nights Billy and Danny fixed dinner for us all, some nights we ate with Aunt Connie. We were really just one big family in two houses. Brad and I went out to eat a couple of nights a week and he came over to eat with us a couple times a week as well.
One afternoon I took the boys over to Aunt Connie's as soon as she got in from school. Ty was playing with a toy car on the floor and Jason was being a bit cranky so I was trying to soothe him. The front doorbell rang and Aunt Connie got up to answer it. I could hear a woman's voice I didn't recognize.
"Oh hello, we were looking for a Daniel Stephens at the house next door but no one appears to be home. Do you know if he lives there?"
"Yes, he does. He should be home in a while. If you come back in an hour I'm sure you'll catch him."
"Actually, we're not even sure he's the one we're looking for. The Daniel Stephens we want would be 23, average height, slim build and blonde with green eyes."
"That's sounds like our Danny."
There was a long pause then a man's voice.
"So you think he'll be back soon? We could wait in the car if it's not too long."
"Just a moment." Aunt Connie closed the door and came back toward me.
"I don't know who they are but since they seem to know what Danny looks like I suppose they're not Jehovah's Witnesses. Maybe they're the parents of one of his students. Do you mind if I invite them in to wait?"
"No, go ahead, Aunt Connie. They do seem to know him." She turned back to the door.
"Why don't you come in and wait? He shouldn't be long."
"Oh, we don't want to impose. Besides, we might miss him if we're over here."
"Don't worry, you won't miss him. Come on in."
Aunt Connie came back into the living room followed by a well-dressed middle-aged white couple. The man was about fifty, average build and had short light brown hair. The woman was petite and had well-coifed blonde hair. There was something very familiar about them but I couldn't place them.
Aunt Connie motioned them toward the couch and they sat down. I was about to introduce myself when Tyler charged across the room and pulled himself up onto the couch next to the woman. Aunt Connie sat next to me on the love seat.
"I'm Connie Harris and this is my niece, Lucinda Santos. This is her son, Jason, and the one climbing all over you is Tyler. Please excuse him."
"He's adorable. Such unusual coloring. His eyes give him an exotic look and yet he looks familiar in some way." Tyler seemed to take to the woman, but then he loved most people.
"Yes, he pretty much takes after me but gets his eyes from his father. So do you know Danny well?"
"We're Phil and Marie Stephens, Danny's parents."
I nearly dropped Jason and was speechless. Of course! It had been years and I'd only met them once but I should have recognized them. Aunt Connie was a little more composed than I was but I could hear the tension in her voice.
"What do you want with Danny after all this time?"
They both looked very defensive. Mrs. Stephens finally spoke.
"We're his parents. We don't need a reason to visit our son. I'm sorry but I don't see what my husband and I want to see Danny about is any of your business."
I really thought Aunt Connie was going to lose it. She 's one of the most even-tempered people I've ever known but she's not someone you want to cross about someone she loves.
"Any of MY business? Do you have any idea how much you hurt Danny? Since you two turned your back on him over five years ago I have been your son's mother. I couldn't love Danny and Billy any more if they were my sons. They are definitely my business."
"Billy?"
"Yes, Billy, Mr. Stephens. You're surprised they're still together? You wouldn't be if you and your wife had ever really looked at the two of them and paid attention. Now what do you want with Danny? You're not going to hurt that boy again, are you? Because if you are I think you should leave right now."
The couple looked annoyed and on edge.
"Maybe Marie and I had better wait in the car."
I was sitting closest to the kitchen and heard the back door open and hurriedly tried to cut the tension.
"Why don't we all just calm down for a minute, folks?"
I heard a footstep behind me and turned and saw Danny appear in the doorway. He froze when he saw who was on the couch. We all froze. It seemed like forever but it was probably only ten seconds. I got up and started toward him but he recovered and met me halfway, kissed Jason on the forehead and me on the cheek, then went over to the couch and took Tyler away from his mother.
"Hey, Ty, did ya miss me today?" He kissed him and held him against his chest, rubbing his back lightly. Tyler laid his head on Danny's shoulder and nuzzled against his neck.
"Hey, Aunt Connie, how's it going?"
He turned and glanced at his parents who were sitting like statues on the couch.
"Something I can do for you two?"
I couldn't believe how cool Danny was acting. I had half expected him to fall apart.
"Can we talk to you privately, son?"
"Anything you want to say to me you can say here, Dad. We're all family here."
The Stephens' looked so uncomfortable. Danny shrugged.
"All right, I guess we can go next door if you want. No need to bother Lucy and Aunt Connie with this."
I reached for Tyler but Danny waived me away.
"I'll take him, Lucy. You've had him all day. I can hold him and talk at the same time."
Danny
My legs nearly gave out when I saw my parents sitting there in Aunt Connie's living room. So many emotions ran through me all at once. First shock, then joy. I was surprised though that almost immediately the initial joy was replaced by anger. I thought that the years had drained every bit of emotion out of me as far as my parents were concerned but all of the hurt came to the surface. It was all I could do to get myself under control. I didn't want to explode, especially in front of the boys. I took a couple of deep breaths and forced myself to act casual.
I know I surprised Lucy and Aunt Connie with my attitude. They probably both expected me to fall apart. A couple of years ago they wouldn't have been wrong. It was kind of nice to see that my parents were the most uncomfortable people in the room. They should have been. I decided to take Tyler home with me to talk to them. I had no intention of telling them that he was my son until after I'd heard what they had to say but I always felt so grounded when I was holding him or Jason. I figured the conversation would probably get a little emotional and Tyler would keep me calm.
I'd come over across the back yard so I took them back the same way. The front door was locked and I'd left my keys at home so I had no choice. We walked in silence and I led them through the kitchen. Billy and I usually hung out with our friends in the sunroom but I thought this called for a more formal setting so I headed for the living room.
"Why don't you guys have a seat? Can I get you something to drink? Coffee, tea, maybe something stronger? Scotch on the rocks, isn't it, Dad?"
"That would be good, Dan. Maybe a little sherry for your mother if you have any."
"No problem. Make yourselves comfortable."
I put Tyler in the playpen and went into the dining room and poured the drinks, then stopped in the kitchen for some ice for Dad's drink and a Coke for me. I could probably use something stronger but I wanted to stay in control of myself. I took a deep breath and went back to face them. After handing them their drinks I picked up Tyler again and sat in the chair opposite them and got Tyler comfortable in my lap.
"So what brings you here now after all these years?"
"Oh, Danny, don't be like that. We've missed you so much."
"Really, Mom? Then what were you waiting for? Did you ever think that maybe I missed you guys too?"
Dad cleared his throat. "Well, Dan, we were pretty upset when you left home. Finding out about you and Billy that way was quite a shock to us. And the way you defied us. You'd never spoken to us like that before."
"We were sure you weren't in your right mind, that Billy had some kind of control over you. We thought maybe he'd gotten you involved in drugs. You just weren't yourself."
"You never gave Billy a chance, did you? You were always ready to think the worst of him. I'll admit I didn't handle the situation very well that day. I wasn't expecting that confrontation and I'd had a traumatic day already, but I thought I explained myself quite rationally. You just didn't want to hear it."
"You're right about that. We didn't want to believe that you were really that way."
"The word is gay, Mom. After all this time you still can't say it?" The conversation was beginning to depress me already. I just didn't feel up for this.
"Of course I can, Danny. Please try to understand what we were thinking. At first we were afraid that Billy was taking advantage of you. Then when Rutgers notified us that you had cut yourself off from us we started getting mad at you."
"I didn't cut myself off from you. You pushed me away. But I don't want to argue about that. It's ancient history. I knew you'd be mad but it was the only was I could take control of my life and at the same time make you realize that I was serious, that I loved Billy. You were doing everything you could to control me, to split Billy and me apart."
"Well, we were angry and we couldn't believe there were any genuine feelings between you and Billy. We were sure that you'd come to your senses when you ran out of money. That's why your mother wouldn't turn over your bank account to you."
"Then you didn't come home when the next semester ended and we were frantic with worry. As time went on, though, we got angry with you again, this time not so much for disobeying us. By then we were finally beginning to believe that you really were gay and we were mad at you for being gay. I know, it doesn't make sense but that's the way we felt."
"I guess I can understand that a little, Mom, but you couldn't have stayed mad all these years."
"No, that didn't last long but we kept expecting you to come home. Even if you were gay we thought your infatuation with Billy couldn't last long. You two were just so different. We thought you'd realize that you'd be happier with someone more like yourself. And you had no place to stay and no money for school so we thought you'd come back to us."
"And you would have welcomed me with open arms and accepted me as gay, with or without Billy?"
"No, probably not, especially if you were still with Billy. Not at first, anyway. We weren't ready for that. Your father and I still aren't completely comfortable with that but we wanted you home. After a year or so went by we began to realize that we'd lost you."
"Yes, we thought that our strategy had backfired, that you had probably been forced to drop out of school and had run off somewhere to be around other gay people, maybe New York or San Francisco."
"We thought that if you did that then even when Billy tired of you or you realized your mistake that you still wouldn't some back. We thought we'd lost you forever."
"Billy and I didn't go anywhere. We've been here in Morristown all along, first over Aunt Connie's garage for a couple of years, then here. You had my address at Rutgers. You could have tried writing."
"We just assumed there was no way you could have stayed in school. Maybe you could have supported yourself working full time but then you wouldn't have been able to stay in school."
"We managed, Mom. It wasn't easy but we did it."
"Obviously, and you've apparently done well. Whose house is this?"
"Well, Lucy, Ty and Jason live here for now, but Billy and I own it. We've put together a pretty nice family. So how did you find me after all this time if you thought I'd left the area?"
"We're really not quite sure. We got this letter in the mail yesterday." Mom handed me an envelope. There was no return address or indication as to who it came from. Inside on a slip of paper was written my name and address. That was it. "It seemed very strange but we just had to give it a try."
"And you have no idea where this came from?"
"No, actually, we thought that maybe you'd sent it, hoping we'd look you up."
"I don't even know where you live any more, Dad. I'd given up on you when I found out you'd moved.
"You knew we'd moved? How did you find out?"
"I decided to try to break the ice a couple of years ago and went back, only to find you gone. I took that to mean you didn't ever want to get back together."
Mom and Dad looked at each other.
"We didn't mean it that way, Dan. We'd given up on you coming home. Your grandfather reached a point where he couldn't live on his own so we got a place where he could live with us. We stayed in the area and kept the same phone number though, just in case you looked for us."
"So now what?"
"What do you mean, son?"
"I mean, here we are again. I'm still gay and I'm more in love with Billy than ever. How do you and Mom feel about that now?"
"Like your mother said, we're still not totally comfortable with it but we're willing to try. We want you back in our lives. We're willing to try to get to know Billy better if that's what you want."
"Well, if you're going to be a part of my life you don't have much choice there. Billy is my life. Not my whole life, but he's the center, the heart of it."
"We'll try, Danny. Your father and I have missed you so much. Now that we've found you we don't want to lose you again."
Tyler had been content to just quietly cuddle on my lap up until that point but he started squirming. I pulled him up and kissed him and he giggled.
"Daddy!"
Both of my parents gasped and looked at Tyler.
"What did he just call you, son?"
"You heard him, Dad. It's going to take a long time to catch you up on my life the past five years but I guess this is as good a place to start as any."
For the next five minutes I gave them a brief review of our relationship with Lucy. I tried to explain the closeness Billy and I had always felt toward her and how that resulted in our becoming parents together. I didn't go into detail but made it clear the boys were the result of artificial insemination. They were quiet a couple of minutes after I finished and just stared at Ty. Finally, Mom spoke up.
"So this one is yours? He's our grandson?"
"Biologically, yes, but I have to make one thing clear. Tyler and Jason are both mine and they are both Billy's. As far as Billy and I are concerned we each have two sons and love them both equally. I know you don't care for Billy and accepting his son as your grandchild might not be easy but that's the way it is. If you really want to be in my life you're going to have to work on that because Billy and Jason are a huge part of my life."
"I don't know what to say. I mean, this is all such a surprise. We didn't expect anything like this but your father and I will try to understand and accept this, Danny. It may take a while. This is a pretty unusual situation, after all."
"Yeah, Mom, believe me, I realize that. We know how unusual our family is. This is a lot for you to absorb all at once but give it time and try to keep an open mind. I think you'll see what a great life we've got here."
Just then the front door opened and Billy walked in. He stopped in his tracks in the doorway when he saw who was with me in the living room. He looked at me with a kind of puzzled expression.
"Papa!" Tyler started struggling to get out of my lap. I set him down on the floor and he scurried across the room to Billy, who scooped him up in his arms and hugged and kissed him.
"Billy, you remember my parents, don't you?"
"Yeah, sure. Nice to see you, Mr. Stephens, Mrs. Stephens." He seemed a bit hesitant.
Billy looked back and forth between me and them a couple of times, then put Tyler down and walked over to me and started to kiss me on the cheek. I turned my head and kissed him on the lips, the same way we always did when he got home from work. He whispered in my ear.
"Are you okay, baby?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, Billy. A little shaken up, but I think it's gonna be all right."