This is a story of love between two young men. If you are under age, or live in an area where reading stories that include sex between males is illegal, or if you're not into this type of story, please leave. The story began in 1969. While the characters and their story are completely fictional, it is set at places that are real and is told against a backdrop of some real events. This was a time when all sex was safe. It isn't now, so please respect yourself and others enough to always play safe.
I would like to thank all of those who have written to me with comments, suggestions and encouragement, especially my fellow writers in the Nifty Six. The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at NJMcMick@yahoo.com.
Charles
Lucy reserved her boss's studio for Sunday afternoon. I was really nervous but I didn't want to be the only guy in the family who hadn't posed for her. Lucy had suggested that I might want Billy and Danny to sit in on the session to make me more comfortable but I didn't like that idea at all.
"Hell, no, Lucy. It's bad enough with just you. I don't want the guys seeing me naked."
"Why not? You're all guys."
"Yeah, but they've got beautiful bodies. They're both so hot. I'm just a skinny kid with no build at all."
"Everybody is built differently, Charles. These photos aren't for porn. They're art. Besides, you're still growing."
"Big deal, one inch all year. I haven't even gained a pound to go with it either so that just makes me skinnier."
I was totally uncomfortable when we got to the studio so Lucy started by taking some pictures with me in my underwear. She said the white cotton briefs on my dark brown skin looked fantastic. I was nervous but it wasn't much different from wearing shorts around the house in the summer. I just concentrated on posing the way Lucy told me to. After a while I was loosening up and she got me to take off the underwear. I kept my back to her at first, too shy to turn around. It was obvious to me from the pictures I'd seen that Billy, Danny and Mark were all bigger than me. My dick isn't tiny but I was still feeling a little insecure. Finally, Lucy got me to turn around and we went through the poses again. At first Lucy was all business, very serious, very professional. I just focused on following her orders. Once I was into it she started joking and teasing, acting more like the Lucy I knew at home. By the end of the hour I was so relaxed I was laughing and joking with her. I almost didn't even remember I was naked. Almost. Lucy thought she had some pretty good shots and we were both looking forward to seeing how they turned out.
After the talk with Keith things had started to get better at school. He switched his lunch period and we ate together every day. His girlfriend, Lauren, and a couple of her friends sat with us as well, so I was part of a little group. The girls didn't mind that I was gay and I started having a little fun again. Most of the other kids went back to ignoring me. They didn't know me well enough to really care one way or the other that I was gay as long as I didn't bother them. After the two weeks of hell I had gone through being ignored was just fine with me. Now and then someone, usually one of Doug's friends, said something nasty to me but I just tried to pay no attention. It was sort of like the way Danny had originally said. If you hold your head up and let them know they're not getting to you they give up after a while. I did hear that Doug was still saying stuff about me and that bothered me, though I tried not to let on.
One day I ran into him after school when no one else was around.
"Hey, Doug, hold up, I want to talk to you."
He quickly glanced around to see if anyone was watching.
"I have nothing to say to you, faggot. I told you we're through."
"Yeah, you made that pretty clear. Don't worry, I have no interest in being your friend or anything else any more. You may not want to talk but I have a few things to say to you."
"Well, make it quick. I don't want my friends to see us together."
"I just want to say that you and I both know what went down between us and you know that you're the one who started it both times. You sucked my dick twice and you wanted me to come in your mouth. You might be gay, you might be bi, but no way you're straight."
"Bullshit! I told you I was just experimenting."
"Yeah, that's what you say. One thing that's clear is that whatever you are you can't deal with it. I have no problem accepting myself. I hadn't intended to come out at school but now that you've made that choice for me I can handle it. I can't change anything you've already told kids about me but I wanted to warn you to stop lying about what we did. I don't believe anyone has the right to force someone out of the closet the way you did to me, but if you don't stop telling lies I'm gonna have to start telling the truth. I don't think you want that."
"No one would believe you, anyway. They know me and they don't know you. You're still the new kid, the faggot."
"Maybe. But if you want to know for sure, just keep talking. We'll see who they believe."
We just stood there and stared at each other for a minute. The look in his eyes scared me but I knew I couldn't back down. It had taken all of the courage I had to confront him in the first place. I had to hang on and follow it through. Finally he turned away.
"Never mind. You're not worth the effort."
He walked off and I realized that even though I was trembling, he was the one who had caved in. Maybe I had some guts after all. Posing nude for Lucy and facing Doug in the same week. Who would've thought I had it in me?
December 1974
Danny
As usual all of our free time the first two weeks of December were taken up with Christmas shopping and getting ready for our open house. One evening Billy and I were walking home from shopping carrying a couple of bags each.
"Do you think we've got everything now, Billy?"
"Everything on our lists, maybe, but you know us better than that, Danny. We'll be shopping right up until Christmas Eve."
"Yeah, we do tend to go a little wild at this time of year."
It was a cool, crisp evening, cold enough for a coat but not cold enough to have to wear gloves. I shifted a bag to my left hand and took hold of Billy's hand.
"Better watch it, babe. You don't want anyone to see us."
"Yeah, I know, but it's dark and we're away from the center of town. No one's around. As much as I love teaching here in town it does have its drawbacks. I miss holding hands with you."
"We got spoiled, Dan. At Rutgers people were used to us. It didn't matter anyhow. And working in the Village, no one even noticed. But now we're in the real world. We can't be as open."
"It's not like we've been that blatant around town the last few years anyway, Billy, but it's one thing for us to refrain from being open by choice and another for us to feel like we're forced into it."
"But that's just the way it is, Danny, just like neither of us can talk too openly at school. It's not that big a deal."
"I know, Billy, I just feel like whining a bit. I do feel bad for Charles, though. He's had such a rough time this fall and now that he's got a few friends who are standing by him he can't invite them to the open house. That's my fault. If I were teaching somewhere else it wouldn't matter."
"And you wouldn't be there in school every day to give him support when he needs it either, Danny. It's a trade-off and Charles understands. He doesn't expect to have his friends at the party. It's not like he never has them over to the house. Keith and Lauren come by a couple of times a week."
"Maybe after the holidays Charles can have a little party of his own at the house."
"That's an idea. We'll see if he's interested."
The open house turned out to be another great success. Everyone we knew showed up. Even with school and the kids we do manage to have a bit of a social life during the year. We get out to the Alliance meetings most weeks, have friends over for dinner or just to hang out occasionally. Tim and Evan have us over to their place now and then. A couple of times a year we actually go to one of the poker games. But our open house is a chance to see everyone at once. Now that we've been doing it a few years we have it pretty well organized so it doesn't take much work while it's happening and we can enjoy the party. We kept the boys up in the nursery and they slept through the first few hours of the party but toward late afternoon we brought them down to show them off to everyone. For many guests it was their first chance to meet Jason.
I carried Jase while Billy lugged Ty around. Aunt Connie, June and Mike were talking in the sunroom. Bernard and Clay were discussing politics in the dining room near the bar setup. June said the two had become good friends and played golf regularly. We ran into Frankie talking to Joe in the kitchen.
"So how come you're here alone, Joe? I thought maybe you'd bring that new boyfriend Mark told us about. Jerry, isn't it?"
"Yeah, Billy, but it doesn't look like it's going anywhere with him. He's a nice guy but it's hard to build a relationship with someone who works such different hours. Even though Carr's isn't open until four like most bars he's still out until the middle of the night five times a week and I work days. We don't get to see each other much."
"If the magic was there I'm sure you'd find a way around the time problem, Joe."
"You're right, Danny. It's fun being with him but there really isn't any spark there. Plus, he's not really ready to settle down so I think we've probably gone as far as we're going to."
"I think Mark is in the living room. Why don't you go find him? I'm sure he can console you."
"I'm sure he could, Frankie. Mark's always good for me."
Billy and I wandered through the dining room chatting with guests along the way. We made our way to the sunroom where Lucy had joined the 'older' teachers.
"How are things going with your son, Mike? Danny said you wrote to him. Have you heard anything back?"
"Actually, I just got a note from him on Friday, Bill. He said he had something very important he wanted to talk to me about. He's already made plans he can't get out of for Christmas itself but he's flying out here a couple of days after the holiday. It looks good. I'm keeping my fingers crossed."
"So are we, Mike."
Billy and I left the boys with Lucy and Aunt Connie and went out on the porch to see our friends in the 'smoking lounge.' I'd never liked cigarette smoke and after Tyler was born we'd banished all smoking, legal and illegal, from the house. It was more inconvenient for our guests in the winter but no one complained.
Back in the front hall Billy stopped me under the mistletoe and gave me a long passionate kiss.
"Mmmm. Think we can get away with spending the rest of the party right here and make all of our guests come to us, Billy?"
"It's a thought, baby, but that would probably be rude. We can always come back here after everyone's gone, though."
"I have a better idea. How about we hang a little mistletoe over our bed later on?"
"That's a thought, but somehow I don't think it will be necessary, Danny."
Mark
I hadn't been looking forward to Billy and Danny's open house this year. After all, that was the weekend Peter and I broke up last year. I had made some major improvements in my life since then but there was still an emptiness in me. Maybe it wasn't Peter himself that I missed. I had come to realize that I wasn't very good on my own. Yeah, I surprised myself at how well I had done this year but it was more like I was just surviving rather than thriving. I could get by alone but I didn't want to. I'd lost Brad, then I'd lost Peter. I'm at my best when I have someone to love, someone who loves me. It's not about sex. After all, that had never been a part of my relationship with Brad. It was about love. Love nurtures me and gives me strength. When I thought of it that way I realized that I hadn't really been getting by on my own the past year. I'd had Billy, Danny and Lucy. Their love had been so crucial to my being able to turn around my life.
I did everything I could to help the guys set up for the party. I figured the busier I was the less I'd think about last year. Then Joe arrived and I forgot about everything else. He looked so sweet and beautiful. I felt bad for him when he told me about Jerry. Really I did. Joe is a wonderful guy and I so much want him to be happy. I couldn't understand why he hadn't been able to find someone who would love him the way he deserved to be loved. I'll admit that a little part of me was relieved though. I was still holding out hope that maybe, just maybe, he and I could get back together. We spent the whole afternoon and evening talking. It was like old times. When the party started winding down I was tempted to ask him to spend the night but I realized that probably wasn't a good idea. He was just breaking up with Jerry and though it hadn't been a major relationship I still didn't want to make a move on him that quickly. I didn't want to wait too long because our entire relationship had been marked by bad timing but I figured a few weeks wouldn't hurt.
Billy
The Christmas open house was getting to be a wonderful annual event. The first year it was just a little get-together. Last year it was a great party. This time around it was tradition. Danny and I were feeling pretty good about our lives and optimistic about Mike and his son. We felt a little like we'd done our good deed for the holiday season.
It was another one of those times when everything seemed to be going right for everyone in our life. That's happened once or twice before and each time something terrible was about to happen. Just when you think things can't get any better, they don't. I tried not to think about that and be positive. It was Christmas, after all.
Late one afternoon a couple of days before Christmas, Lucy, Danny and I were wrapping up the last few presents to put under the tree. Charles was out enjoying the first day of vacation and the boys were napping upstairs.
"You guys still go crazy with your Christmas shopping. You could have had a nice down payment on a new car with the money you spent on the boys alone."
"Billy and I didn't spend that much, Lucy. We get lots of little things. Besides, it's Christmas."
"That's your excuse every year, Danny."
Just then the phone rang and Danny went to answer it. He was back in a few seconds.
"It's Mr. Heath for you, Lucy. He must want to wish you a Merry Christmas."
Lucy went into the kitchen while Danny and I put the gifts under the tree in the living room. About five minutes later she walked in looking dazed with tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Oh God, Lucy. What is it? News about Brad?"
Lucy just nodded and swallowed hard a few times.
"Yes, Billy. They've found him. He's alive!"
"YES!!!" Danny and I both shouted at once, jumped up and grabbed Lucy tight. We all just hugged and cried for a few minutes.
"So tell us everything, Lucy. Where is he? What happened? How is he? Where has he been?"
"Slow down, Danny. One question at a time. Mr. Heath couldn't give me all the details but apparently Brad and the other guy who disappeared were being held prisoner just over the border in Laos. They were turned loose last week near a small rural village and it took a little while to get them turned over to U.S. authorities. They're both being flown to an army hospital in Hawaii as we speak."
"Hospital? Is he hurt, Luce?"
"I don't think so. They seem to think he's in pretty good health considering what he's been through. He is undernourished and they want to check him out to make sure there's nothing seriously wrong with him."
"When is he coming home, Lucy? When can we see him?"
"I don't know, Danny, but his parents are flying to Hawaii tomorrow. They want me to go with them. I told them I would. Is that okay with you guys?"
"Okay? What do you mean? Of course it's okay. It's great!"
"It's just that I'll be away from you and the boys for Christmas, Billy. I want to see Brad more than anything but it's Jason's first Christmas."
"And he'll have lots more you can spend with him, Lucy. He won't know the difference anyway. Go. You've got to see Brad. The boys will be fine. So will Billy and I. Don't worry about us."
"Yeah, you're going, girl. You've got to go get your man."
"Okay, Billy. You don't exactly have to talk me into it."
The airport limo that the Heaths had hired was to pick up Lucy at eight the next morning so we decided to get up early and have Christmas morning a day early. Aunt Connie and Mark came over at six and we all opened our gifts so Lucy was able to spend Christmas with her sons and still fly off for her reunion with Brad.
Lucy
I was still in a daze when I got on the plane with the Heaths. It was the best, most fantastic news I could ever have hoped for but I don't think it had quite sunk in. For two and a half years I had been living in a kind of suspended state. I was living but not quite. A little part of me was just hoping and waiting. And now the hope was reality and the waiting was nearly over.
I was surprised to find that we had seats in first class. I suppose I shouldn't have been, knowing that the Heaths had money and how important this was. I had the aisle seat across from them. We hadn't talked all that much in the limo or at the airport. I think they may have been in the same shocked state as me.
It was amazing how they'd changed since I first met them. They had been so immature, so self-centered and selfish back then. They'd made it clear they didn't like me and I sure didn't like them. After we lost Brad, their whole world changed even more than mine. I think they finally appreciated what he was in their lives. As Joni Mitchell said in Big Yellow Taxi, 'You don't know what you've got til it's gone.' That sure applied to them.
That horrible, agonizing period I'd gone through before Aunt Connie had taken me to Puerto Rico had lasted nearly a year for Mrs. Heath. She'd been hospitalized for a while, and when she went home it was under heavy sedation. I heard she had hardly left the house for several months. Mr. Heath called me now and then to see how I was and kept me posted on how they were doing. Mark had taken me out to visit them occasionally and I could see first-hand how they'd changed. We hadn't exactly become friends but our shared grief was a common bond that had brought us closer together.
Halfway through the six hour fight to San Francisco Mrs. Heath came over and sat in the empty seat next to me.
"We only have an hour and a half layover in San Francisco for our connecting fight to Honolulu so we should get in early enough to see Brad tonight, Lucy. We're going right from the airport to the army hospital. With the time change it will seem very late to us so you should probably try to get some sleep during the next flight."
"I'm so excited I don't think I could sleep, Mrs. Heath. My nervous energy will keep me going."
"I'm going to take a pill to help me rest. Let me know if you want one. And please call me Marcie. We're going to be spending a lot of time together now and Mrs. Heath is so stiff and formal. I want us to be closer."
"Okay, I'll try. It's hard to change habits sometimes."
"Tell me about it. It's not impossible, though. Bill and I have been through a lot of changes the last couple of years. It's like we finally grew up. Better late than never, I suppose."
"Brad will be surprised, pleasantly surprised."
"Yes, poor boy, it must have been tough for him growing up with us. I'm amazed he turned out so sane and well-adjusted."
"He's a pretty amazing guy. I guess you never know with kids."
"Speaking of kids, have you given any thought as to how you're going to tell Brad about your babies? With what I've gone through the past couple of years I can understand what you must have been living with and how you were trying to cope but it will be a shock to Brad."
"I've fantasized so many times about Brad coming home and how it would be but now that it's actually happening I think I'll just have to play it by ear. We'll have to see what his state of mind is first. You hear such terrible things about what prisoners have been through. I don't want to upset him if he can't handle it."
"Brad's pretty tough, Lucy. He survived a childhood with me and Bill. I know what you mean, though. We won't say anything about the boys to him. You tell him in your own time."
"Thanks, Marcie. I'm not sure just when that will be but I guess the longer I put it off the harder it will be."
We sat and talked for a while until they started to serve lunch. She went back and sat next to Bill and I had the rest of the fight to figure out how I was going to tell Brad about Tyler and Jason. I hadn't come up with any brilliant ideas by the time we landed. The layover flew by and before I knew it we were back on a plane, this time heading for Honolulu. Marcie took her pill while we were still on the ground and slept most of the second flight. Bill dozed off and on as well. I just sat up, excited to be getting closer to Brad, worried about how he would handle my news.
The flight landed in Honolulu at five thirty local time. Of course to us it was ten thirty and I'd been up since five so I was feeling a little tired. By the time we got our bags, stood on line at the car rental counter and got directions another hour has gone by. Finally we were in the car on the way to the hospital. It was a little after seven when we arrived. We paused in the hall outside his room. As anxious as I was to see Brad I had intended on letting Bill and Marcie go in first. He had belonged to them longer, after all. They insisted we all go in together so we pushed the door open and walked in as a group.
Brad was lying with his eyes closed in the bed by the door. His face looked so thin. I suppose I expected him to be pale but he had a kind of ruddy weathered look. We were trying to be as quiet as possible but he must have heard us because he slowly opened his eyes. When he saw us his eyes kept widening. Marcie burst into tears and threw herself at him. He wrapped two very thin arms around her and held her as she cried. Bill stood along side her and put his hand on Brad's arm. I stood just inside the door, unable to move, unable to take my eyes off my beautiful Brad. I couldn't believe that what was happening was real, that he was actually right in front of me. Brad looked over his mother's shoulder and locked eyes with mine. Though tears were streaming down his cheeks he gave me the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.
After a few minutes Bill pried Marcie away from Brad and they stepped aside. I slowly walked toward the bed as if I were in a trance. Brad sat up and threw his arms around me as soon as I was within his reach. We hugged each other so tight. He felt so bony but so good.
"Oh God, Lucy, I love you so. I've missed you so much."