This is a story of love between two young men. If you are under age, or live in an area where reading stories that include sex between males is illegal, or if you're not into this type of story, please leave. The story began in 1969. While the characters and their story are completely fictional, it is set at places that are real and is told against a backdrop of some real events. This was a time when all sex was safe. It isn't now, so please respect yourself and others enough to always play safe.
I would like to thank all of those who have written to me with comments, suggestions and encouragement, especially my fellow writers in the Nifty Six. The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at NJMcMick@yahoo.com.
Danny
There wasn't a note in my mailbox when I got to school the next morning. Dr. Swanson himself was hanging around the office. He acted casual as he spoke quietly to me.
"We have to talk, Dan, but not here at school. Can you meet me at the Meyersville Inn this afternoon? Do you know where that is?"
"I've been there with friends. It's a real dive."
"Yes, but I can be pretty sure no one who knows me will be there. Is five o'clock all right for you?"
"Sure, no problem. I'll be there."
I was kind of nervous going to a place like that alone. Billy, Lucy and I had gone there once with a couple of Lucy's friends from high school. It was a rundown old tavern a few miles from Chatham near the Great Swamp and the best thing I could say for it was they only charged twenty cents for a glass of beer. The place seemed to attract mostly fading hippies and biker types. At lunchtime I called home and told Lucy where I was going and why so she wouldn't expect me home at my usual time.
I parked in the dirt lot behind the bar. There were only a few other cars. I went in the back door and looked around the dark room. There were a couple of guys sitting at the bar that ran along the wall to my right. There were a couple of tables along the front wall across the room. I could just make out Dr. Swanson sitting at one. Two people were playing pool to my left. As I walked to the front my eyes adjusted to the dim light and I recognized the pool players-Frankie and Joanne. I hesitated but Frankie shook head ahead sharply and turned away from me. I didn't know what they were doing there but since they didn't seem to want to acknowledge me I continued toward Dr. Swanson's table.
"Have a seat, Dan. Would you like a drink?" He drained the last few drops from a martini glass.
"No, I don't think so."
"I'm having another and we've got a lot to talk about. You've got to have something."
"All right, make it a beer, then."
He went over to the bar and I sat at the table and looked at the pool table. Joanne held a finger to her lips as she looked at me. Dr. Swanson returned with the drinks and sat down.
"I don't suppose there's any point in my trying to make something up about last night, Dan. You obviously know Todd and are familiar with The Restaurant."
"Yeah, Billy and I worked there all through college. If you've, uh, dated Todd before I'm surprised we didn't run into one another there in the past."
"We may have but we didn't know each other then. Anyway, since you know what I was doing there, let's get to the point. What do you want from me?"
"I'd like to know how you could have treated me the way you did when you're gay, too. How could you have said all of those things about my lifestyle? How could you have fired me?"
"First let's get one thing straight. I'm not gay. Yes, I am attracted to men but as far as I'm concerned that isn't what my life is all about. I'm married, happily, I might add. Carolyn and I have a lot in common. She isn't very demanding in bed and I'm able to keep her satisfied."
"But you were with Todd last night."
"I try to resist temptation but I've learned from past experience that sometimes it's better to give in once in a while and get it out of my system. An evening with Todd or someone like him and I can put it out of my head for a while. I pay for exactly what I want and that's all there is to it."
"And what does your wife think of this? She didn't impress me as very tolerant that day I met her."
"She's not, but she knows nothing about this and I intend for it to stay that way. So what do you want from me? I can't give you your job back, you know. My wife knows about you and knows you've been terminated. I could never explain taking you back."
"As much as I like teaching I don't want to come back to Chatham next year. I don't think I could work another year for you, knowing you as I do now. I would like a copy of my reviews and some kind of reference from you, though. If you want you can just reword my reviews and not include a personal recommendation. I won't ask you to sign anything you don't believe."
"That's it? Nothing else?" Dr. Swanson looked a little confused and very relieved.
"What, you thought I was going to blackmail you or something? You really don't know me at all."
"I'm just surprised. If I were in your place I'd probably want some kind of revenge."
"Yes, I imagine you would. I may be young but one thing I learned early is that no amount of revenge can undo what's already been done. All I want is a fair chance to be the kind of teacher I know I can be. And I don't want to work for a hypocrite like you."
"I don't see it that way. I believe everything I said about the way you're living your life. Like any human I have my weaknesses but I try to live my life according to traditional values, the way I'm supposed to. You don't even try. You just give in to your sexual urges and call it a lifestyle."
"My lifestyle isn't based on sex, Dr. Swanson. It's based on love, fidelity, decency and honesty. Those seem like pretty traditional values to me but you wouldn't understand. Those values seem pretty alien to your life."
"You'll have your recommendation in a day or two." He got up and left without another word.
Frankie and Joanne came over as soon as he was out the door.
"Now don't tell me your being here was just a coincidence. I've never even heard you two mention this place."
"You're right, Danny. Lucy called Joanne at the office and asked her if we could come keep an eye on you."
"She was worried about you and thought a pregnant woman with a baby would stand out in this place. She told me what was going on with your boss."
"I can't believe she thought something might happen to me. He's a high school principal, not a thug."
"You never know, Danny. The man has a lot to lose. If he thought you were going to blackmail him he might have gotten desperate. And he did pick a dump in the middle of nowhere to meet you."
"Well, Frankie, in any case, thanks for coming. I did feel better knowing I had friends nearby."
"Just remember that when you and Billy go shopping for a present for our union next month."
Billy
When Charles and I got home from school we found Lucy in the sunroom playing with Tyler. I gave them both a kiss.
"Hey, babe. How's it going? Where's the white boy?"
"Danny called from school early this afternoon. That bastard of a principal wanted to meet him at the Meyersville Inn after school."
"That hole? Shit! Give me your car keys, Luce. I'd better take a ride over there."
"Calm down, Billy. I asked Frankie and Joanne to go there to keep an eye on Danny. I was a little worried about him meeting that creep at a place like that."
"Thanks, Luce, but I'm still concerned. That guy is a total asshole. Danny's doesn't like confrontations. I'd feel better about it if I were there."
"I know Danny doesn't like situations like this but he can take care of himself, Billy. He doesn't always need you to protect him."
"I know, but that doesn't mean I don't always want to protect him. It's second nature with me. And you too, apparently. After all, you did send the dykes to watch him."
"I can't help it if Danny brings out the mother in me. And don't call them dykes. Frankie and Joanne are your friends."
"Oh, I use the term around them all the time. They know I mean it in the nicest possible way."
Just then the phone rang. It was Danny calling from the pay phone at the bar to say that he was all right and leaving for home. I went upstairs to change. When I came back down Lucy was in the kitchen working on supper and she put me to work making a salad. Charles sat at the table and worked on his homework. The food was nearly ready when Danny got home.
"So how did it go, Dan? What did that hypocrite have to say for himself?"
"It went okay, I guess. He seemed to think I was going to use what I'd found out about him and Todd to blackmail him All I really wanted was an explanation as to how he could have treated me the way he did. I still don't understand him."
"I woulda blackmailed him, Danny. He was rotten to you."
"What could I have tried to make him do, Charles? Give me my job back? As much as I need a job I really don't want to work for him. I don't ever even want to see him again although I'll have to now and then the rest of the school year."
"You should have made him do something, Danny. You've got him by the balls. You could mess up his job, his marriage, his whole life. He sure did his best to mess up your life."
"I know, Charles, but blackmail is just as wrong as what he did. It wouldn't make me feel any better. I'd probably feel so guilty that it would make things worse."
"So you didn't ask him for anything?"
"Only a copy of my reviews and a personal recommendation, Billy. I figured he owes me that anyway. But since I told him I didn't want him to write anything he didn't believe the recommendation probably won't amount to much."
"He's lucky you're such a nice guy, Danny. He could be in a lot of trouble."
"Yeah, I guess, Lucy. Sometimes I wish I weren't so nice."
"As much as I would have loved for you to make him squirm, I'm proud of you, baby."
I was proud of him. No matter how badly some people treat him he never stoops to their level. It bothers him but he stays the same decent guy. Danny was quiet most of the rest of the evening. When we went to bed I sensed that he wasn't in the mood to make love so we just cuddled for a while.
"Are you sure you're all right, Danny?"
"Yeah, I'm okay. I just don't understand someone like Dr. Swanson though, Billy. I mean, I know not everybody is comfortable coming out, but he's actually anti-gay."
"You have to keep in mind that gay people grow up being fed the same anti-gay bullshit as straight people. We don't have anybody to reinforce good feelings in us about being gay so it's no wonder a lot of gay people believe that stuff."
"Yeah, but all members of minorities grow up surrounded by prejudice and they don't believe the majority's misconceptions."
"There is a lot of racial prejudice in our society but at least I grew up in a black family that made me realize it was okay to be black so I didn't believe all the crap. But none of us grew up in gay families who supported us. We were a minority being raised by the prejudiced majority. Remember how you felt about being gay when you were in high school and thought you were alone?"
"Yeah, but I WAS alone back then. I was also very young and just starting to try to figure out my life. Meeting you made it a lot easier to accept myself but I think that eventually I would have been okay even on my own."
"Probably, but it must be a lot harder for Dr. Swanson's generation. Nobody came out when he was our age."
"You sound like you're defending him, Billy."
"No way. He's a hypocrite and an asshole. I may understand a little of how he got where he is now but I don't condone it. He's a big boy and quite intelligent. There's no reason he can't overcome his prejudices, especially when they conflict so much with his own desires."
"You know, the closet really is a nasty place. Being able to hide makes things easier in the short term but harder in the long run. If everyone were forced to come out they'd all have to deal with it and move on. And if all gay people came out straight people would have to face it as well."
"Well, you're a fairy, Danny. Wave your magic wand and make it happen."
"Very funny. I wish I could, but I guess every fairy will have to make up his own mind."
May 1974
Lucy
Frankie and Joanne both asked me to be maid of honor at their union. I didn't know quite what to do. I thought that maybe it would be inappropriate to have a straight pregnant maid of honor at a lesbian union. Besides, if I said yes to one of them it meant saying no to the other. I managed to diplomatically sidestep the whole issue by offering them my services as photographer for the whole day.
I'd been photographing weddings for five years so I considered myself an expert on them. Frankie and Joanne's was somewhat casual though remarkably traditional, considering there was no groom. Both brides wore pants suits. Frankie's was dark blue; Joanne's was peach. They had written their own vows, which were quite touching. Both the service and the reception were held at the Unitarian Church. The crowd was predominantly women, though there were several men.
Charles stuck pretty close to me through most of the day. He seemed a little overwhelmed by all of the lesbians.
"Aren't you worried that some of them are gonna make passes at you, Lucy?"
"No, I think they know I'm straight. Besides, I look like I'm trying to smuggle a basketball under my blouse so I don't exactly look very sexy."
"You're not that big and even pregnant you look beautiful."
"Thanks, sweetheart. And how about you? What do you think of all of these gay women?"
"It's kind of weird seeing so many women kissing and dancing together. At the Alliance meetings there are some women but it's mostly men. Even when I first saw Billy and Danny kissing it looked a little strange."
"Yeah, but being around those two you get used to it pretty quickly. I remember the first time I saw them kiss when they told me they were gay. I'd never seen two guys kiss before and it looked odd but it was still pretty sexy."
"Tell me about it. Living with them drives me crazy at times. You've gotta remember I'm a teenager with raging hormones."
"Unless you've been pregnant you don't know really raging hormones, Charles."
Mark was standing nearby listening to us and moved over to join our conversation.
"If we're talking about sexual frustration I'd like to put in my two cents. For a year and a half I was living with Peter having all the sex I wanted whenever I wanted. In the last six months I've had one short unsatisfying trick. I think you can say I'm more than a little frustrated."
"Six months? I don't even want to think about how long it's been for me. This is my second pregnancy without even an orgasm."
"Yeah, well at least you two know what you're missing. Aside from a few forced encounters where I didn't even get off I've never done anything. I'm practically a virgin."
"Okay, boys, I think we can agree that we're all pretty hard up. But I don't think a holy union is the place to debate who's the horniest."
"You're right, Lucy. We're here to celebrate Frankie and Joanne's love, not moan about our celibacy."
"It looks like they're about to cut the cake so I'd better get in position to get some good shots. Why don't you guys go find Billy and Danny to protect you from the lesbians?"
Actually, I was relieved to have an excuse to cut short the conversation. I had begun to think of Brad and that always made me wistful which was not the way I wanted to feel at a festive occasion like this. Lots of times when I was home alone and Tyler was napping the memories would come on and bring me down but that was okay. In a way, I needed to feel that, even now after all this time. But when other people were around it was getting pretty easy to shake it off and push the sadness into the back of my mind.
Mark
This school year sure finished a lot different than it started. Back in September I couldn't even see to the end of the semester. I was out of control, smoking, drinking, whoring. I was barely scraping by in school. Even after I left Peter and moved back to Morristown my schoolwork didn't improve much. Law school is hard enough when you're working three nights a week without having a long commute as well. I think the uncertainty of my life took the greatest toll, though. Once Peter and I made the decision to split up everything got easier. Well, maybe not everything. And maybe easier isn't quite the right word.
I missed him horribly. I know I'm pretty insecure and needy. I don't do well on my own. But it wasn't just being alone and horny that made me miss Peter. In spite of the way things ended, I did love him and knew that he loved me. We just weren't right for each other. When we occasionally ran into each other in the Village it was just so sad. I could see the pain in his eyes and I'm sure he could see it in mine. We could barely talk to each other.
When I joined Lucy and Charles it was in a light-hearted teasing way. Yeah, I was horny as hell but it wasn't just sex that I missed. I was getting used to satisfying myself. What I really missed was being in love and that was no joking matter. Almost as soon as we started talking I could see what was running through Lucy's mind and regretted bringing up the whole subject of how long I'd gone without. It was just over two years since we got the news about Brad. She doesn't talk much about it anymore and she sure has moved on with her life but I know she's still hurting. I know I am.
Lucy resumed taking pictures and I went to the self-service bar and got a glass of wine for myself and a Coke for Charles. He was deep in thought when I handed him the glass.
"So what's on your mind, kid? You look like you're plotting something serious."
"I was just thinking, Mark. What about us?"
"What do you mean, what about us, Charles?"
"Well, you're single. I'm single. We're both nice guys and like each other. And we live right next door to each other. How about we get together?"
I took a sip of my wine and looked at him. With his short stature, small frame and delicate features he looked even younger than sixteen.
"Yeah, we've become pretty good friends the last few months but it takes more than that to make a romantic relationship, Charles. You're absolutely adorable and I do like you a lot but that's not enough to base a relationship on."
"I wasn't really thinking too much about a relationship. I mean, we're friends, I know that. But I was just thinking that maybe we could help each other out with our physical needs."
"I've had relationships and I've had sex, Charles. Right now, if I were looking for anything at all, and I'm not really, it would be a relationship. You deserve one too. Besides, you're sixteen. I'm way too old for you in any case. I could get in a lot of trouble doing anything sexual with you."
"I wouldn't tell anybody, Mark."
"It's still not right."
"Well, I guess we don't have to do anything if you don't want to. But I've heard you've got a really big dick. Can I see it sometime? I wouldn't touch it. I just want to see it. You could see mine if you want."
"You see, you just did that typical teenage 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours'. You need a boyfriend, a guy your own age. Take your time, Charles. I'm sure you'll meet someone."
"Yeah, Danny and I were lots older than you when we met and Mark didn't meet his first boyfriend until he was twenty." I hadn't noticed Billy and Danny come up behind me. "You're a teenager, Charles. It's your job to be horny. Get used to it."
"But it's so hard, Billy."
"Hard isn't always bad, bro."
"So what did you think of the service?" I silently thanked Danny for trying to get the conversation off the subject of sex. It didn't look like Billy was heading in the right direction.
"It was kinda nice, Danny. Almost like a real wedding. Can guys do that, too?"
"Sure, it's a commitment ceremony. Anyone can have one."
"Yeah, for the past year we've all been trying to talk Billy and Danny into having a ceremony like this."
"So why don't you? You guys are my parents now. I think you should get married if only for my sake."
"We'd get married in a second if it was legal, Charles. But as we've explained before, Danny and I have already made our commitment to each other. That's what really matters to us. And we're not your parents, we're your foster parents."
"Same thing as far as I'm concerned. You're the closest thing to parents and family I'll ever have. I love you both."