Billy and Danny, Freshman Year
This is a story of love between two young men. If you are under age, or live in an area where reading tales of male sex is illegal, or if you're not into this type of story, please leave. The story begins in 1969. While the characters and their story are completely fictional, it is set at places that are real and is told against a backdrop of some real events. This was a time when all sex was safe. It isn't now, so please respect yourself and others enough to always play safe. Comments are appreciated at NJRimzu@aol.com.
Sept. 26
Billy
"Shit!! How could I have talked to him that way? And in front of Lucy. What must he be thinking? He's gotta be hurting." All of this kept running through my head as I sat on the steps behind the Commons after storming out of the dorm room in a rage of frustration.
I've got to bring this to a head. The half way thing seems to be something I can live with and something he can deal with. I'll tell him I'm a fag. And hope he can handle it. Everything I've learned about him tells me he will. Maybe not easily, but he's just too decent to react badly, even if he has some trouble with it. But no way I can tell him that I'm in love with him. I don't think either of us can handle the fallout from that. Maybe things won't ever be the same between us, but I can't live a total lie around the one person I love. Mama's obsession with religion has always turned me away from God, but for once I found myself praying.
"Please, God, please let him keep on liking me. I can't bear to lose him. I can hardly bear to not lose him yet not have him, but I need to at least have him in my life. Please, help me. Please let him accept me."
When I got back up to the room, Danny was asleep. I went to bed, half-hoping for a nightmare, half dreading one.
I awoke at 9:10, with barely time to race to my second period class. Danny had already gone to his first period. Our Friday schedules ended early, but I didn't see him at lunch and he didn't come back to the room afterward. I waited until I couldn't stand it anymore. I left him a note.
"I'm sorry. You don't deserve to be mistreated by a nasty son of a bitch like me. But please accept my apology. I need to talk to you. Meet me at the Commons at 7:00. Please."
I went out and got on the first campus bus that stopped. Over to University Heights, then Livingston College, back to the Heights, back to College Ave., then across town to Douglass. And back again. And over again. Riding and thinking and aching. Finally, at five to seven, the bus stopped in front of the Student Center, across from the Commons. I got off (to the relief of the driver who was probably getting worried about me) and went into the dining hall. As I started down the ramp into the cavernous hall, I saw Danny standing with a full tray looking around. I whistled and he smiled as he looked up. A good sign. I returned his smile and hurried down to get a tray of my own.
The only seats we could find were at the end of a table filled with loud guys ready for a weekend of partying.
"So what do you want to talk about?" Danny asked, a bit timidly.
"Later, it's a little loud in here. Let's eat and go for a walk, okay?"
We ate in near silence. Actually, neither of us ate much, we just made small talk about classes, toyed with our food and avoided each other's eyes. When we ran out of things to say, we bussed our trays and went outside. I directed him down College Avenue toward the classroom buildings, where I knew we could have some privacy at that time on Friday night. We got down to the grassy mall as it was getting dark and sat on the base the statue of Willie the Silent (William of Orange, donated by a previous alumnus).
I needed help. I pulled a joint out of my pocket. Danny just stared. "Oh my gosh, where did you get that?"
"Doesn't matter. We need to talk and we need to relax. This should help."
I showed him how to inhale, taking in enough air with each toke to keep the throat from burning too much. Of course, he choked a few times, but eventually got the hang of it.
Once I was a bit buzzed, I began with an apology, intending to lead up to my being gay and begging his tolerance and continued friendship. In all of my confrontations and fights back home, I'd never felt so scared or ill at ease, because the outcome never meant so much to me. I'm not sure what I said, but I know it wasn't right to the point and I kept circling the issue.
But all of a sudden I found myself blurting out, "I've fallen madly, deeply, totally in love with you."
Shit! I hadn't meant to go so far and so I started babbling on and on, trying to make what I had just admitted sound like it was something other than exactly what it was.
Danny
I'd never seen Billy so angry before, lashing out a me like that, I knew there was a lot of anger in him. And a lot of something else, as evidenced by his nightmares. But the nightmares I could deal with, The reality was something different. I was so afraid of losing him.
Lucy calmed me down a bit and gave me a pill to help me sleep. I got up early for my first period class and decided to avoid the room and Billy for the day. I spent most of the afternoon in the music lounge at the student center, hiding from my life. I had been so scared of college life, but once I met Billy, it became so fantastic. And now that it was falling apart. I just couldn't deal with it. Late in the afternoon, I went back to the room and found Billy's note. He was obviously as upset about what had happened last night as I was, thank God. I was scared, but decided we needed to talk.
We made small talk over dinner and went for a walk. We sat at the base of Willie the Silent. Billy brought out a marijuana cigarette. I knew that sooner or later I'd run into some kind of drugs in college, but was surprised that it was Billy who had it. He was obviously troubled, so I let him show me what to do and smoked it with him. Billy started babbling. I was lost in my own confused feelings and a dizzy kind of high when I head him say, "I've fallen madly, deeply, totally in love with you."
Now I've known I'm gay or queer or whatever you call it since I was 12. That means I'm physically attracted to guys. Lust after them. Want to do all kinds of things with their bodies and want them to do the same to me. Lust. Lots of lust. But love? It never occurred to me that a guy could fall in love with another guy. And yet, within two seconds of hearing Billy's profession of love for me, I realized that all of those feelings I had felt toward him since the day we met, the fascination, the attraction, the lust, the warmth-they added up to love. I was in love with him, too. That's why I was so confused. I was in love with someone I didn't know I could be in love with.
As all of this flashed through my mind, I realized that Billy was still babbling, "I know you'll probably hate me, or at least not want to be around me, that you'll want to change rooms."
I took a deep breath. " Will you please stop talking and kiss me? Just shut up and kiss me."
It was Billy's turn to freeze and look incredulous. Just sitting there staring at me with his mouth half open. I smiled and nodded at him, and he leaned in toward me, so slowly. His lips touched mine, so soft, so hot, so exciting. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in tight against him as he began to kiss me. I clung to him as our mouths opened and his tongue slipped between my lips. He thrust his tongue into my mouth and I greedily sucked it in. Our bodies ground into each other, I could feel his hardness through our jeans and I know he could feel mine. And the kiss continued, my tongue exploring his hot mouth, his tongue probing and claiming mine. I'd never been so high in my life literally and emotionally. I felt as if we were floating above the ground, suspended in air, floating in bliss. I felt as though we were consuming each other. I was about to explode in my pants when Billy finally pulled back.
"Let's go home, baby, back to our room."
"You might have to carry me; my legs are feeling a little bit weak."
We walked over to College Avenue. In the darkness, I instinctively grabbed his hand. When we got out to where there was more light, we separated and walked side by side to the dorm in silence.
As soon as we got to our room, Billy took over. The kiss resumed, bodies grinding together, Billy not only holding me tight, but his arms reaching down, grabbing my butt and pulling me up into him. Again, I felt I was about to explode. He moved back a step and pulled my shirt over my head. I reached to do the same to him.
"Wait," he whispered, "Let me."
As he planted light kisses all over my face, he unfastened my jeans. When they fell around my ankles, he knelt down and took off my sneakers and socks. I'd never been so aroused, but felt a little awkward, just standing there, not knowing what to do. Once he had my jeans off, he buried his face in my crotch, turning his face back and forth, rubbing against my hard erection through my cotton briefs. He stood and did a slow strip in front of me. Slowly peeling his T-shirt over his head, unbuttoning his jeans. He kicked off his sneakers and pulled off his socks. Then slowly, very slowly, he pulled down his zipper and slid his jeans down. I'd seen him in his briefs every day for weeks, but he'd never been so sexy. And I'd never seen the huge bulge tenting out the front of them.
He reached out and took the elastic of my briefs and lowered them, exposing my throbbing erection. I stepped out of them as they slid to my ankles.
He took my hand and led me over to his bed. "Lie down, white boy."
I lay down and looked up at him as he stood next to the bed looking down on me, that beautiful smile on his face. Slowly, he lowered his briefs, exposing his huge erect penis, darker in color than the rest of him. I'd never seen an erect penis other than mine. It was bigger than mine, longer and just a bit thicker, and absolutely beautiful.
He just stood there staring at me. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. Are you sure about this?"
"I've never been more sure of anything."
He lay down on top of me and took me in his arms; our two bodies pressed together, and began to kiss me again. His tongue thrust into my mouth, filling it and filling me. His hands moved slowly over my body, yet seemed to be everywhere at once, caressing my hair, playing with my nipples, squeezing my bottom. Everything he did was perfect. I wanted him desperately but didn't know what to do. I grabbed at him, wrapped my arms around him, and wrestled his tongue with mine.
Our writhing bodies developed a rhythm. Sliding against each other, our erections rubbing against each other. I'd never been so turned on in my life. I knew I couldn't hold out any longer.
"I'm can't hold it any more, I've gotta let go," I whispered in his ear.
"Don't hold it in, baby. I'm almost there myself."
With that I began to shoot, more intensely than I'd ever done before. Over and over again. At some point, I realized that he was exploding too. Afterwards, we just lay there for a few minutes, regaining our breath, wrapped in each others arms, glued together by a huge sticky mess of our own creation.
"Wow! That was incredible!"
"Wait until we get to the sex part, white boy."
"It that wasn't sex, just what was it?"
"Well, it was sex, at least a little bit. I've heard it referred to as 'the Princeton Rub', but after the way those guys played last week, I think we should claim the name. But there's a whole lot more to sex that I want to do with you."
"You seem to know so much more about this than me. Have you done it before?"
"Never. I just keep my ears open and have hung around with a raunchier crowd than you."
"I've never done anything before either, but I've thought about it a lot."
"I love you so, my pretty white boy."
"I love you too, my tough black boy."
"How about a shower to clean this mess up?"
"Do we have to? I want to spend the rest of my life in this bed with you."
"I promise you we'll come right back and do it again. And again and again."
Billy
We had a quick chaste shower, as we discovered there were two other guys in the shower room. In record time, we were back in our room, robes on the floor, mouths locked together. And hard dicks pressed into each other's abdomens. The sheets on my bed had a couple of damp spots, so we laid down on Danny's. I laid on top of him again. This time, I was determined to go slowly, to enjoy every inch of my beautiful white boy. As hard as it was to tear myself away from his hot sensuous mouth, I started nibbling, kissing, biting and licking his neck and ears. Slowly I worked my way down, kissing and licking his smooth white chest. When I reached his right nipple, I first licked it, swirling my tongue around it. Then I sucked it into my mouth and finally caught it gently between my teeth and pulled on it a little. It got hard and stood out from his chest.
By now, Danny was moaning so loud I was worried we might be heard outside the room. I jumped out of bed, grabbed a Billie Holiday album, put it on the stereo on a low volume, just enough to cover our sounds, and resumed working on Danny's left tit. I licked my way down to his navel, and let my tongue eat out that small recess. I kissed my way down and around his lower abdomen to his thighs, carefully avoiding his rock hard dick, which I wanted so bad. But I wanted this to last, so I moved down to his legs, licking and kissing his thighs and calves, finally reaching his feet.
I licked up and down the top of each foot, then began sucking on each toe, one at a time. I tried licking the soles of his feet but discovered he was too ticklish for that. I moved back up to kiss his beautiful mouth and he almost immediately rolled us over so that he was on top of me. He then repeated the entire process, worshipping my body as I had his. Damn, this boy is a quick study.
When he came back up to kiss me, I decided it was time to go for the gold. I quickly swiveled around, so that we were both face to crotch. Tentatively, I stuck out my tongue and licked the tip of his dick. He did the same to me. I licked up and down the length of his shaft as he took the head of my cock in his mouth. He ran his tongue around the edge of the head, sending shivers through my whole body. Fuck! We've hardly started and I'm ready to cum again. I pulled his head off my dick.
"Suck on my balls a bit, baby."
I started on his, one at a time. I tried to get them both in my mouth at once, but they were too big. He succeeded where I didn't. My dick may be bigger than his, but his balls have got mine beat. He was really getting off on my attention to his balls, moaning and squirming. Finally, I took the head of his cock in my mouth and slid some of the shaft in. Slowly, I began bobbing up and down on his tool, taking more and more of it. I got about 5 inches in when he hit the back of my throat. Much as I wanted to take the whole thing, this was my first try, so I didn't push it. Plenty of time for that later.
Danny was following my lead and trying to swallow my big black dick. He got about half in his mouth and put his hand around the rest of the shaft, stroking in time to his sucking. Each time he pulled off so that just the head was in his mouth, he swirled his tongue around the edge, driving me wild. I knew I couldn't hold off much longer so I increased the pace of my sucking and grabbed his balls, squeezing them lightly as I'd seen him do in the shower. They immediately drew up toward his dick and he began to shoot his juice in my mouth. Though he had cum less than an hour before, it was all I could do to swallow fast enough. I gave in and let my cum shoot into his mouth. He stopped bobbing on my dick and just sucked on the head, making sure he got every drop out.
As soon as we'd both finished cumming, I turned around and kissed him, with the traces of each other's cum mixing in our mouths. Finally, we came up for air.
"And that, white boy, is known as 69."
"Hey, I may be a little naive, but I'm not stupid. Even I knew that. What I didn't know was how fantastic it is. At both ends, sucking you and being sucked."
"For first-timers, I think we did pretty good, but I want to work on getting you all the way down my throat. I want to swallow you completely, take you completely inside me."
"I'd like that too, but you are so huge I don't think I could ever get it all in."
"I'm only about an inch longer than you, white boy. How big is yours?"
Danny blushed at the question and hesitated.
"C'mon, don't pretend you've never measured it. Every guy does. Mine's just a bit over eight inches."
"Mine's about seven."
"See? Not much difference."
"Well, I'll work on it. Not that it would be work. There's nothing I would like better than to take you all, to do everything for you that you do for me. I love you so much and never even knew it. It all makes sense to me now. I couldn't figure it out, all my entangled feelings towards you. How did you know?"
"Let's talk tomorrow, Danny. Right now I just want to hold you and sleep with the boy I love in my arms."
Danny
I woke up in a position that felt strange, but nice. The opposite of the nights I'd slept with Billy following his nightmares. This time, we were on our sides, but he was behind me with an arm over me. And we were naked. And his rock hard penis was lodged in the crack of my butt. I just lay there a while, remembering the miracle of the night before, pressing back lightly into him, enjoying the total contact between our bodies. I was lying there, lost in pleasant memories, when I realized he was playing with my right nipple. I quickly turned over to kiss him. Ugh! Morning mouth.
Billy solved that by sliding down in the bed and reversing himself, so that we were once again face to crotch. I immediately took that big black head in my mouth, as he seemed to just inhale my penis. I sucked hard on it, licking it around the edge, which he seemed to enjoy so much last night. He pumped up and down on my erection, seeming to take the whole thing. In no time at all, we were exploding into each other's mouths again.
"Good morning, white boy."
"Good morning, black boy. That's quite an alarm clock you've got there."
"Ah, I think you're just interested in the swinging pendulum. How about we go clean up a bit and I'll buy you breakfast? I think we need a little nourishment after our workout."
We went down to the bathroom and went through our morning routines, including a shower which was more teasing than anything else because of the danger of someone walking in.
We dressed and walked over to the Commons, loaded up our trays with food and found a table pretty far away from anyone else.
"So, Danny, baby, are you doing okay with all of this? You could have knocked me over with a feather when you asked me to kiss you last night."
"I'm kind of in a state of shock, I think. I never dreamed two guys could be in love. I thought being queer was just that, having queer physical attractions to guys. Love was never even a possibility to me. So I've been so confused about my feeling toward you. When you said you loved me, it all fell together, but it's still such a new concept for me. But for the first time since the day we met, my feelings all make sense. And last night and this morning were way beyond what I ever though sex could be."
"I've got to admit I was more scared last night than at any time in my life. I've dreamt of falling in love since I was a kid, but never thought I'd have a chance because I was gay. From the minute I met you, there was something about you tugging at me inside. I didn't get it at first, but when I saw you confronted by those hostile crowds at the game last week, I realized how much I loved you and wanted to protect you. Realizing I'd fallen for a white boy who was my best friend was pretty hard for me to deal with. Changing realities hit me pretty hard. That's why I was so out of it this week, trying to adjust. I was so afraid of driving you away and losing you, but I had to let you know how I felt."
"You're a lot braver than me. I've known I was gay since I was 12 but have never told anyone and thought I never would. I figured that somehow I would grow up and find a girl I could like, maybe love and get married like you're supposed to."
"You mean you're into girls, too? I've never had any attraction for them at all."
"No, me neither. But I just thought that eventually I'd have to try it. To try to live the life people expect of you."
"Not me. I've never done what I was supposed to. I'd decided that after college, I'd move into the city. I've heard there's lots of fags in the Village, so I thought maybe I'd meet one and fall in love. I sure didn't expect you."
"I don't want to seem greedy or anything, but how about we go back to the dorm and fool around some more? I'm getting hard just looking at you."
"You don't have to ask me twice. I just have to stop at the store first."
We went into the store behind the Commons and Billy browsed around the toiletries section a few minutes before he found what he was looking for. I wasn't paying much attention but noticed the letters KY on the box as the cashier put it in a bag.
"What's that?' I asked as we left the store.
Billy just smiled and said, "You'll find out in about five minutes, white boy."