This is a story of love between two young men. If you are under age, or live in an area where reading stories that include sex between males is illegal, or if you're not into this type of story, please leave. The story began in 1969. While the characters and their story are completely fictional, it is set at places that are real and is told against a backdrop of some real events. This was a time when all sex was safe. It isn't now, so please respect yourself and others enough to always play safe.
I would like to thank all of those who have written to me with comments, suggestions and encouragement, especially my fellow writers in the Nifty Six. The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at NJMcMick@yahoo.com.
December 1973
Lucy
Christmas came a little early this year, a few days after the open house to be exact. I went to the doctor and got confirmation that I was pregnant again. My gay boys certainly are fertile. He gave me a due date in mid-August so at least everybody would be at home when I went into labor this time. With Tyler around things might be a little more complicated.
We all worked pretty hard to make the holiday special this year. It was Tyler's first Christmas so that was special enough, but we were all trying to help Mark get through it as well. He had surprised us all after the breakup with Peter. He had been so fragile for so long I thought the breakup might push him over the edge he's been clinging to, but instead it seemed to give him a new strength. Not that he wasn't hurting pretty bad, but I think that standing up for himself and what he wanted gave him a little sense of pride or something.
We all focused on Tyler when it came to Christmas shopping. Obviously a three month old doesn't care much for toys or clothes but we bought him a ton of stuff anyway. It made us happy even though he was just as fascinated with the wrapping paper as the gifts themselves. Of course we got each other a few small gifts but what we shared most was our love for each other. It sometimes amazes me how the bond between us all just keeps getting stronger.
The day after Christmas was again my day to try to distract the boys. Each year it gets a little easier for them but I was afraid that after Danny's aborted attempt to contact his parents this year he would be down. He wasn't too bad, though. Although it didn't turn out the way he would have liked I think the episode gave him some sort of closure on the whole thing. It was a bitter cold gray day with flurries off and on so we just stayed in, kept a fire going and hung out. After lunch we were just lounging in the living room, listening to records, taking it easy. Mark's brother and sister were visiting him up in the apartment since they hadn't seen him on Christmas. His parents still hadn't come around but Kathy and Jamie were working on them.
"One of the nice things about teaching is that you guys get to keep having all of the same vacations you grew up with."
"Yeah, Luce. After twenty years of going to school you get used to having a week or two off over Christmas but then most people get jobs and end up with only the holiday itself off. I'd hate having to go back to work today."
"People do it, Billy. I guess we're lucky about that but what I like most about teaching isn't the work schedule, it's the teaching itself."
"You're really getting into it, Danny? You didn't seem so sure you'd like it at first."
"Yeah, Lucy. I'll have to admit I decided to teach only because I couldn't think of anything else I could do with a degree in history. Even at that I think Billy influenced me more than anything. I picked teaching because he was going to teach but I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get up in front of a roomful of kids every day."
"Maybe you're not as shy as you think, Danny."
"Oh, he's still my shy boy, Luce, but Danny's got the makings of a good teacher in him. He has a real passion for what he teaches."
"Yeah, I know most kids think history is boring but you can understand what's going on today so much better when you know where we're coming from. Plus you can learn from our mistakes in the past. It can be frustrating, though. The administration doesn't to want to admit there have been any mistakes in our history. They seem to think that my job is to wave the flag and tell the students how wonderful everything is now and always was."
"I love it when you turn into a social crusader, Danny, but I can see how that doesn't go over well in conservative Chatham."
"I'm not trying to make teaching political, Billy, but I think you have to teach the bad as well as the good. I'm probably more patriotic than most people but whenever I want to get into things like all of the broken treaties with the Indians or the injustices of segregation they act like I'm some kind of subversive."
"They probably didn't expect that when they hired a shy white boy from Livingston. They thought they were getting someone just like them."
"Yeah, Lucy. Because it's my first year all of my lesson plans have to be approved. Whenever I put in anything outside the regular curriculum they take it out. I've learned to not include stuff like that in the formal plans, to just ad lib when I get into class. I just have to be careful when the department head is sitting in on a class."
"I run into a lot of the same kind of problems at Central High. Obviously I have a passion for literature but most teenagers find it boring. I think it's important that students understand the origins of our language and culture but inner city kids just can't relate to Chaucer or Shakespeare. They only get interested when I point out how bawdy some of their writing was."
"Better watch what you say to them, Billy."
"I don't tell them anything that isn't written. I just wish I could get a black author or two into the curriculum but if I did that then I'd have to drop one of the old classics. June is on a committee that's working to revise the curriculum so maybe we'll get somewhere."
I was reminded of Aunt Connie's comments about teaching all through my childhood. Even teaching Spanish she was always at odds with the administration. It wasn't easy to bring about change.
"Just don't get discouraged, guys. You're young and eager and maybe a little too idealistic. Keep at it and you can eventually teach the way you want."
"Yeah, I suppose. The best part of teaching though is when you come across a student who listens, who makes you feel that you're doing something important, like what you're doing up in front of the room is making a difference. There's this kid Charles in my sophomore English class who reminds me a bit of Danny."
"I wouldn't have thought there were any blonde boys left in the central ward, Billy."
"I don't mean he looks like you, baby, just that he's quiet and shy like you were when we met. I see a little bit of me in him too, not his personality, but his interest in English. In the beginning of the year I couldn't get him to say a word in class but now he joins in the discussions and actually comes up to me to ask a question after class now and then. I think he's coming out of his shell a little. Maybe it's not because of me but I like to think I have a little something to do with it."
"I'm sure you do, Billy. It's because you care and that is clear to the class when you teach. Not all of them care, of course, but it does matter to some of them. Enough shop talk, though. I think we're boring Lucy."
"Not really guys. It's nice to hear that you're settling in, that you like what you're doing."
"Do you have any work lined up now that Christmas is over, Lucy?"
"Actually, I have a couple of leads from the gallery in Soho. You know I have some of the physique photos of you guys and Mark for sale there. The owner has a supply of my business cards and gives them out whenever someone seems interested in hiring me."
"That's great. The more exposure you get the more business you'll get. Some of the bars have bulletin boards where you can post business cards. Maybe that would be a way for people to find out about you."
"I think I'd rather go through more conventional ways of advertising, Danny. If someone sees my card in a bar they night think more in terms of porn than art. Besides, I really don't have a lot of time available right now anyway. Between taking care of Tyler and working for George I'm pretty booked. I'm content to keep my career on a slow track for now, as long as it keeps moving in the right direction."
January 1974
Billy
The weather turned a lot colder after the first of the year and within a week I was getting tired of the walking part of my commute. That mile through Newark to and from the train station seemed like five miles when the wind was blowing.
One afternoon I was walking at a brisk pace through a desolate area where they were tearing down blocks of old buildings to build the new medical school. There was a lot of open space and not much to stop the wind, just a pile of rubble here and there and the occasional boarded up building. As I passed one of these buildings I heard the sound of voices and scuffling coming from around the back. I turned the corner, glanced back and saw a small group of boys harassing someone smaller. A couple of other guys were standing off a bit, just watching. It reminded me of my confused, angry teen years in the gang. Of course, I was trying to prove something both to myself and others back then so I never picked on little guys. You got more respect when you could beat the crap out of a guy who was bigger.
I was about to move on, leaving the boys to their coming of age ritual when one word shouted by one of them made it to my ears. "Faggot!" For a second a picture of Danny sailing through the air down those steps at Milledoler Hall ran through my head. Without thinking I turned and ran toward the little group of boys. The two standing to one side watching looked vaguely familiar, like maybe they went to Central High. Before I reached them the three other guys jumped the smaller one and knocked him to the ground. I threw myself at the one who was kicking at the boy on the ground and pushed him out of the way. One of the others turned toward me and swung a fist in my direction. I blocked his punch and hit him on the chin. He spun around and fell to one knee. The third guy had his back to me and was bent over the guy on the ground, punching him over and over. I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back. As he turned I got a look at the bloody face of the kid on the ground. It was Charles, the shy kid in my class. The guy who had been beating him threw himself at me and nearly knocked me over. I was just getting clear of him when someone jumped me from behind. I swung around trying to get him off my back. Just as he let go I felt a sharp, excruciating pain in my right side. It was so severe I dropped to my knees and gasped for breath. The three guys took off in different directions as I knelt there, trying to figure out what hurt so bad. The last thing I remembered as I fell forward was Charles looking up at me, a terrified look on his face.
Danny
I usually got home from work a little after four and went right over to Aunt Connie's house. Because she taught in town she got home a little earlier and Lucy always took Tyler over to visit so I'd join them there and we'd all catch up on our day. I'd usually stay only a few minutes and then take Ty back home with me. That gave Lucy a break and gave me a few minutes alone with my baby boy. Since Billy had to take the train home he usually didn't get in until five-twenty. By then Lucy was back and we were starting to fix something to eat.
Now and then Billy got hung up at school and caught a train that got in twenty minutes later. When he hadn't shown up by six I was getting worried. If he'd been delayed that long at school or if there were a problem with the train he would have called from the station. Lucy and I were sitting at the kitchen table wondering where he was when the phone finally rang. I jumped up and grabbed it.
"Billy?"
"Hello, may I speak to Daniel Stephens?"
"This is he. Who is this?"
"This is Mrs. Farrell at Martland Hospital in Newark. A William Matthews was brought in here a while ago and your name was in his wallet to be notified in case of an emergency."
"Oh God! Is Billy all right? What happened?"
"Apparently he was assaulted. He's in surgery right now."
"Surgery? Is he hurt badly? Is he going to be all right?"
"I'm sorry, I don't have any details on his condition, only that he was stable when they took him to the operating room. If you come down to the hospital you can get more information. We should know more in a little while."
She told me where to go and who to ask for when I got to the hospital. I hung up and turned to Lucy in a panic.
"I heard your end of the conversation, Danny. How is he?"
"They don't know. I've got to get down to Newark. Can you watch Tyler?"
"I'm going with you. You're too shaken up. There's no way I'm letting you drive. Aunt Connie can come over and stay with Tyler."
I ran upstairs and went through our papers, looking for the stuff Clay drew up for us just in case they gave me a problem at the hospital. By the time I came back down Aunt Connie had come over and Lucy had her coat on and was holding mine.
"Let's go, Lucy."
"Drive carefully. Call me as soon as you know anything and be sure to give Billy my love."
"We will, Aunt Connie."
Lucy drove like a maniac, but a careful maniac. Rush hour was nearly over and even at that most of the traffic was heading west on South Orange Avenue while we were heading east. Neither of us said much. I was pretty much beside myself with worry. In twenty minutes we were in Newark and I gave Lucy directions to the hospital. We parked near the emergency entrance and went in that way, then followed the directions to the surgery waiting room. I told the nurse at the desk who we were and showed her the papers I had brought, one giving them permission to share Billy's medical information with me and the other naming me as the person to make medical decisions for him if he were unable. She just glanced at them.
"I'm a nurse not a lawyer. I have no idea what any of that is. If you take them to the office in the morning they'll look at them.
"The morning? What about now?"
"The office is closed for the day but I'll let the doctor know you're out here. You can show him those papers if you like. Maybe he'll know what they're all about."
Lucy and I sat down and waited, not talking much, just holding hands. After a few minutes the only other person in the waiting room, a black teenager with a bandage across his nose, got up from his chair and approached us hesitantly. He was only about 5' 6" tall and very slim, but through the bandages it was hard to tell what he looked like or how old he was.
"Excuse me, but I thought I heard you asking about Mr. Matthews. Are you friends of his?"
"Yes, we are. How do you know him? Do you know what happened to him?"
The kid seemed intimidated by me and wouldn't look me in the eye. When he spoke it was so low it was hard to hear him.
"My name's Charles Decker. Mr. Matthews is my English teacher. He got hurt because he was helping me."
He told us how he'd been cornered by the three older teens and they were beating him when Billy appeared and lit into them.
"He was incredible. I never thought an English teacher would be a good fighter but he was really taking care of them. Even though it was three against one he seemed to have the upper hand and had thrown a good scare into them but then one of them pulled a knife and stabbed him. He fell on top of me and they took off."
"Do you know how bad he was hurt, Charles?" I was glad Lucy could talk. When I heard the word stabbed my blood froze and I couldn't say a thing.
"I don't know. A coupla kids from school were watching the fight but didn't want to get involved, I guess. They ran and called an ambulance. Mr. Matthews was unconscious but he woke up in the ambulance for a few seconds, looked around and said something and then passed out again."
"What did he say?"
"I'm not sure. It was a name, I think, sounded like Danny. He said it twice, then was out again."
"Do you know who the kids were who attacked you, Charles?" I finally found my voice.
"Yeah, I don't know their names, though. Last year I went to West Side High. These guys were older and used to hang around the school. I think they'd dropped out a while back. They always gave me a bad time, teasing me, bullying me, making me do stuff. I thought when I changed schools I wouldn't see them again."
Just then a doctor came down the hall and headed toward us. We were the only people in the waiting room so it wasn't hard to figure out who we were there for.
"Mr. Matthews is in the recovery room doing well. He was stabbed in the right side. He had a collapsed lung we had to take care of and of course the wound itself had to be repaired. He'd lost quite a bit of blood by the time he got here so we gave him two transfusions as well."
"That sounds serious. Are you sure he's okay? Can we see him?"
"He should be fine but we generally only allow immediate family into the recovery room. He'll be transferred to a room in a little while and you can see him there if it's not past visiting hours."
I got the papers out again and showed them to the doctor who skimmed through them.
"Well, you may not be family but it looks like he has pretty much signed his life over to you so I guess it wouldn't hurt if I let you in to see him. He's probably still pretty groggy though."
I felt a tug on my coat sleeve and looked at Charles.
"Sir, now that I know he's okay I have to get home. I'm gonna be in a lot of trouble over this. Will you tell Mr. Matthews that I'm sorry?"
"I'll tell him but it wasn't your fault, Charles. Please don't feel guilty about this."
"Yeah, it is my fault and if Mr. Matthews knew why those guys were after me he probably wouldn't have helped me. He should have just let them do what they wanted. It wasn't worth him getting hurt."
Before I could say anything he turned and hurried down the hall. Lucy and I just looked at each other and shrugged, then followed the doctor to the recovery room. Billy was the only patient in the room. Even with the contrast of the white sheet he was lying under he looked a lot paler than I'd ever seen him. He had a couple of scrapes on his forehead and cheek but other than that looked fine. He must have heard us approaching because he turned his head toward us and smiled.
Lucy and I each gave him a peck on the lips. Maybe mine was a little more than a peck. The nurse attending to him looked shocked but I didn't care. After hours of worry I was with Billy and he was all right, well almost, anyway.
"Hey Dan, what brings you to Newark?"
"We were just passing through and thought we'd stop in to see why you didn't show for supper. How do you feel, baby?"
"My side hurts like hell but other than that I'm pretty good. Have you heard how Charles made out?"
'He's fine, Billy. Danny and I were just with him in the waiting room. It looks like he's got a broken nose and a few cuts and bruises but he was more concerned about you than himself."
"He's a good kid." Billy closed his eyes and fell asleep. While they moved him up to a room for the night Lucy called Aunt Connie to give her the news. We stayed with him a while but he was having trouble staying awake so we didn't stay long. Billy and I hadn't spent a night apart since my surgery years ago but there was nothing we could do about it. I knew he was in good hands and I had Lucy and Tyler at home so we'd survive.
Billy ended up spending two nights in the hospital. He came home Saturday morning and I babied him all weekend but he was determined to go back to school Monday. Lucy had offered to let him use her car so he could have an easier commute but the doctor didn't want him driving. The shifting and steering would pull too much on his side. I gave him a ride to the train station and arranged to have June pick him up at the station in Newark so at least he wouldn't have all that walking to do.
Billy
The day I went back to school Charles stopped after class to thank me but after that he seemed to be avoiding me. He went back to not participating in class discussions and never came to speak to me after class. He just withdrew into himself and seemed unhappier than ever. I tried talking to him a couple of times but he politely excused himself and took off.
On Thursday there was a white woman around thirty waiting for me in the English department office at the end of the school day. She handed me a card with the state seal on it.
"Mr. Matthews, I'm Rachel Shapiro, a social worker with the state Department of Youth and Family Services. I wonder if I could ask you a few questions about the attack on you last week."
"Sure, but I don't know what would have to do with you. I told the police all I knew when they came to see me in the hospital and they didn't seem to think they'd have any luck identifying those guys."
"Actually, I wanted to ask you about the student you rescued. Charles Decker is a ward of the state. He's been in the foster care system since his mother abandoned him when he was two."
"I didn't realize that. I've never talked to him about his home life. What can I help you with?"
"He's been involved in a few disturbing incidents the last couple of years, including a few fights. I was wondering if you heard or saw anything that would indicate how this fight started."
"No, the other boys were shoving him around and hitting him when I first saw them."
"Did they say anything?"
"Just the usual insults and rude remarks."
"Anything that might indicate that he had, er, made a pass at one of them?"
"Charles? As shy as he is? Why would you think he'd do that?"
"The boys who called the ambulance told the police they thought that Charles was attacked because the other boys thought he was a homosexual."
"Teens are always calling each other names, especially that. It doesn't mean anything."
"Well, it does in Charles' case. Last year he was with a foster family in the west ward. They caught him performing a sexual act on their thirteen-year-old son. The two boys accused each other of instigating it but Charles was older. We had to find him another home. Now after this attack his new foster parents want him out. They don't want him around their children."
"I can't believe this was his fault. Charles is a sweet kid. Besides, he's so shy he could never do anything like that."
"Maybe, but where there's smoke there's fire and there is an awful lot of smoke around Charles. With his history none of our foster families want him so we're going to have to send him to Warren Hall until we can find a home for him."
"That hellhole? I knew kids who were sent there when I was growing up. That place is for violent antisocial types. They'll kill Charles."
"I'll admit it's not the best place for a boy like him but we have no choice. Hopefully it will only be for a short time."
I couldn't believe the state would send a boy like Charles to an institution like that. Even I would have had a rough time there at his age.
"How about if he stays with me? I live in Morristown but I could bring him to school with me every day."
"That's a very generous offer, Mr. Matthews, but I'm not sure you understand what's involved. You would have to be approved the same as any foster parent. And because it would be temporary the state wouldn't provide the financial assistance normally given to foster parents."
"How long would it take to be approved? When is he supposed to go to Warren Hall?"
"In a pinch, approval might be rushed through in a week, but I'm supposed to take him there tomorrow."
"Let me talk to my roommates tonight. Maybe you could let Charles stay with us while the approval is being worked on."
"I'm not sure about that but I'll check with my supervisor tomorrow. Personally, I'd do anything I could to keep him out of that place."
My offer had been a gut reaction and it wasn't until I was on the train home that I began to realize what a bad idea it might be. Lucy and Danny pointed out all of the negatives as soon as I got home and told them.
"To begin with, Billy, there's no way he could live here and not know we're gay. You don't want him telling anyone at school."
"I know, Danny, but apparently he's gay too so he'll understand we have to keep it quiet."
"Maybe, but there's always the chance that he'll slip. Besides, I can't imagine the state approving this once they get a look at our household. Even if we lied and were somehow able to could convince them that Danny and I are the ones sleeping together in the master bedroom and you're in the other room it's still a bizarre home-you living with an unmarried couple with one baby and another on the way."
"The worst they can say is no, Luce, and by then maybe they'll have found a real foster home for him."
"If they figure out that we're gay they might tell the school, Billy."
"I'll talk to June tomorrow and see what she thinks. She's said before that the school is so desperate for teachers they probably wouldn't care if they found out I was gay."
"It's a lot of responsibility too, Billy. I love you for wanting to help him and I do too, but are we ready for a teenager in the house?"
"He's so quiet we'll never know he's here, Danny. Besides, it's temporary, just until they find him a permanent home."
I had lunch with June the next day and talked to her about Charles. June had agreed that the school probably wouldn't fire me if they found out that I was gay as long as I kept quiet about it. I had no intention of them finding out so I wasn't too concerned. When I went back to the office before my next class Miss Shapiro was waiting for me.
"My supervisor approved letting Charles stay with you for a few days. I stuck my neck out and vouched for you. I was impressed by your concern yesterday. The only condition is that I begin your approval process immediately. Would it be possible for me to interview you and your roommates and look over your home after school today?"
"Sure, no problem. I usually commute by train so if you'd like I could ride to Morristown with you. I'll give you directions and you can interview me on the way."
"That sounds fine. I'll take Charles to pick up his belongings after school and then meet you back here about four o'clock."
I called Lucy and told her what was happening. We agreed to try to act out the roles she had suggested the night before. She said she'd "straighten up" the house, moving some of her things into the master bedroom and making her room look more masculine. She also thought it would be a good idea to put away some of the pictures of Danny and me we had around the house.
Miss Shapiro and Charles showed up right on time and the three of us got in her car for the ride home. I don't think Charles said a word the whole trip. Miss Shapiro interviewed me all the way home, asking me about my childhood, my family and my current home life. I tried to be as honest as I could but avoided questions about my current family relationship and my relationship with Danny, of course. I tried to point out how responsible I was, talking at length about Rutgers, teaching and the house I owned. She did seem impressed.
Once we got home Danny and Lucy had everything ready. I introduced them to Miss Shapiro and Charles. He finally spoke up, almost as if we had rehearsed him.
"Yeah, I met you two at the hospital. You were holding hands in the waiting room."
I gave them a tour of the house. Lucy explained that she had talked to Aunt Connie about borrowing some furniture for the empty bedroom for Charles. Since she had already talked at length to me in the car, the social worker had short private interviews with both Danny and Lucy in the sunroom while the rest of us waited. When she was done and was getting ready to leave we asked her what her impressions were, if she thought I'd be approved.
"I don't know, Mr. Matthews. All three of you impress me as mature, responsible adults. Of course, we'll have to run a background check on you and go over your character references. The only two things that might go against you are your age and your unconventional household."
"We may be young but we are adults. We all have responsible jobs and are upstanding citizens. As for our home, it may be unconventional but it is stable and loving. The three of us have been close friends for several years."
"I could tell that from listening to each of you talk about the others, Mr. Matthews. It was pretty obvious how much you care for each other and how hard you were all trying to impress me. But it also became obvious that a different couple makes up the romantic relationship in this home. That couple is you and Mr. Stephens, isn't it?"