This is a story of love between two young men. If you are under age, or live in an area where reading stories that include sex between males is illegal, or if you're not into this type of story, please leave. The story began in 1969. While the characters and their story are completely fictional, it is set at places that are real and is told against a backdrop of some real events. This was a time when all sex was safe. It isn't now, so please respect yourself and others enough to always play safe.
I would like to thank all of those who have written to me with comments, suggestions and encouragement, especially my fellow writers in the Nifty Six. The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at NJMcMick@yahoo.com.
November 1973
Lucy
Having Mark staying in the apartment was turning out to be a good thing for all of us. Mark needed some time to himself to decide what he wanted to do. He didn't have any classes a couple of mornings a week so he came over to the house and had coffee with me and talked. I loved the baby and talked to him all the time but it was so nice to have someone talk back occasionally. Mark and I had known each other since we were ten but had never been very close so this gave us a chance to get to know each other better.
"So how are things going with Peter? It's been a few weeks now."
"We're talking. I'm in the city every day and we get together a few times a week but so far we're not making much progress."
"Well, I think he's a fool if he doesn't treat you right."
"Thanks, Lucy, but the big problem is that I still don't know exactly what I want. We can't really rework the relationship until I do. In the meantime, we're just sort of dating. We go out to eat, maybe go to a bar or go dancing. And we talk a lot, of course. No sex, but that seems to be okay with both of us for now."
"Well, I hope you figure out what you want and Peter goes along with it."
"I hope so too. Lucy. Billy says you're about ready to start working on another baby. Isn't it a little soon? I mean, Tyler's only two months old."
"I don't mean to rush it like this but we really didn't time Tyler right. I didn't like being due in September when the boys and Aunt Connie were all at work. Even though it ended up all right I hated the idea of going into labor at home alone. So by trying now the next baby will be born in August before the school year starts."
"But are you sure it's all right to have another one so soon?"
"It's okay, Mark. The doctor recommended we wait three months after Tyler was born but due to my age and physical condition and the fact that Tyler was an uneventful pregnancy he didn't object to only waiting two months. He said the worst part of having another one so soon would come later when we have to deal with two babies at once but we'll have to deal with that even if we waited a lot longer."
"I don't envy you guys that job. Tyler is easy right now because all he does is sleep but as babies get older they become more of a handful."
"I know it won't be easy but after all, there are three of us, so we should manage okay."
Mark was quiet for a few minutes and I focused on Tyler.
"Does all of this mean you've given up on Brad, Lucy?"
"I don't know what I think any more, Mark. Every day I hope for a miracle. There's nothing I want more than to have Brad back. I just can't imagine living the rest of my life without him so in that sense I refuse to believe that he's dead. On the other hand, we have to face reality. It's been over a year and a half and there has been no indication that he's still alive. I suppose that just the fact that I'm having these babies with Billy and Danny means that deep down I don't have any real hope because if I did I would wait forever for him."
"Well, it's not like you've moved on and married some other guy. You're still in love with Brad. Having kids with Billy and Danny doesn't change that."
"I know. Now that more time has gone by I realize that a big part of my decision to do this was a grief reaction. I don't regret it though. Just the opposite. Every time I look at Tyler I know we did the right thing but I sometimes wonder what Brad would think of it."
"He'd think that you are an amazing, loving woman who is struggling through life the best way she can and who loves her two friends so much."
"Maybe. I hope he would understand."
"He'd be a little shocked, maybe just for a minute, but he knew how much you loved the guys. The three of you really have something special."
"Brad recognized that and was never jealous of them. He completely accepted that the way I felt about Billy and Danny didn't take away from the love I had for him in any way."
"I guess we've each taken different paths to deal with our grief. Yours is not only healthier than mine but seems to be working better. Giving life and loving others is a whole lot better than a long downhill slide into drugs and promiscuity."
"Don't be so hard on yourself, Mark. You've been hurting so much for so long but the important thing is that you're finally strong enough to deal with things and get your life under control."
"If you say so, Lucy. I'm not feeling all that strong."
You are, Mark, but don't forget that if you need someone to lean on now and then your friends will always be there for you."
The weekend before Thanksgiving was a strange one. Friday evening Joanne and Frankie came over and we had our first insemination attempt with Billy. Billy was funny; he actually seemed more nervous and awkward about it than Danny had been last year. I'll never figure out those guys. The next two evenings we were going to do the procedure again but before that we had Tyler's baptism Saturday afternoon.
We had decided to keep it small with just a few close friends. Aunt Connie was there, of course, as were Frankie and Joanne. Mark and Peter were still dealing with each other at arms length but Mark wanted Peter to be there. We chose Billy and Joanne to be Tyler's godparents. Billy was an obvious choice and without Joanne we could have had a lot of trouble having a successful conception so she was also a logical choice.
The service was held at the Church of the Redeemer and Father John, the same priest who baptized me, officiated. He was less than enthusiastic about the second generation in a row of 'illegitimate' babies in the family and pointed that out when Danny and I met with him earlier in the week.
"I've known you your whole life, Lucinda, and I know that you're a good Christian, but I still don't approve of this situation."
"I know it's a bit unorthodox, Father John, but this baby was born of love and will be raised in a loving Christian home."
"I would never deny any baby the right to be baptized but I hope you and Daniel know what you're doing. You of all people know the stigma of being born out of wedlock."
"Yes, I do, and I also know that it can be overcome with love."
After the service we all went out to eat. Peter knew that all of us were aware of what was happening between him and Mark and that we were all obviously Mark's friends so he was trying to be on his best behavior. He was friendly and agreeable all afternoon. He was especially kind towards Mark. Looking back I realized that Peter usually was pretty attentive to Mark, but it was knowing about all of the other stuff that sometimes made us wonder what his real feelings were.
Of course, Tyler slept through most of the fuss being made over him and didn't seem to get much out of his first party, but then, it's really about the parents at that point anyway. And Tyler's three parents were so proud.
December 1973
Billy
June and I became close as we moved into the school year. We talked all the time until I felt like I knew her husband, their two grown children and little grandchildren. I felt bad that I couldn't be honest and tell her about my life but I wasn't sure how she'd take it. I knew she'd keep my secret but I didn't want to take a chance on ruining what was turning into a great professional friendship. I kept thinking of that question Danny and I used to ask each other back in freshman year, "If your friends like you but don't know who you are, then who is it that they really like?"
Of course, I had to talk some about my personal life and tried to be as honest as I could. June knew that I had a roommate named Danny and that a female friend and her baby were staying with us. It was so strange to talk about the people closest to me in my life in such distant terms. It was like walking a tightrope talking to June and I thought I was doing a pretty good job until the week after Thanksgiving when she and I were having lunch one day.
"So when am I going to meet this Danny of yours?"
I nearly choked on my sandwich. It hadn't occurred to me that she would want to meet him. Morristown and Newark are only 20 miles apart but they are two different worlds for me and I was hoping to keep them separate.
"I'm not sure, June. You probably wouldn't have much in common. You might not even like him."
"Nonsense! He must be pretty special the way you talk about him. I can't wait to meet the man who tamed wild William."
"I'm not sure what you mean by that, June." Actually, I thought I did but I was hoping I was wrong.
"You don't have to be coy with me, Billy. You've been trying very hard to be noncommittal all year but it is so obvious when you talk about this Danny that you absolutely adore him."
"I don't know what you mean. We're friends, that's all." I thought I'd try to bluff it out.
"Relax, Billy. Maybe some of the others here at school would be shocked but I'm okay with it. My favorite cousin Alfie has been living in Washington with his male friend for nearly 30 years. No one really talks about it but George is just naturally accepted as one of the family. Now when do I get to meet this male friend of yours?"
It took the rest of lunch period for me to adjust to the idea that June knew and was accepting. We talked a little about Danny and by the end of the meal I had invited June and her husband to the Christmas open house a week from Sunday.
Last year we just had a small holiday party on a weeknight because we were both still working weekends at The Restaurant. This year we held it on Sunday afternoon and went all out, inviting everyone we knew. Some people stayed for just a little while, some all afternoon and into the evening. It was an interesting mix of our old friends and some new ones.
Mark and Peter were the first to arrive. Peter had come home with Mark on Friday night and spent the weekend in the garage apartment. Danny and I were hoping that meant they were starting to work things out but neither of them looked too happy at the party. They were both more quiet than usual and though they helped us set things up they pretty much kept to themselves. Around three Peter came over to tell me he was leaving.
"It looks like you're going to have a nice party, Billy, but I've got to get back to the city. Tomorrow's gonna be a bitch at the office and I have a ton of work to do at home tonight."
"Are you sure you can't stay a little longer, Peter? Practically no one is here yet."
"I'd love to, but if I miss the train I'll have a long wait until the next one."
"It was good to see you, Peter. Does this weekend mean that you and Mark are patching things up?"
"I wish, Billy, but it doesn't look like it. Keep an eye on Mark for me, will you?"
"Sure, Peter, we always do."
"Thanks for everything. And thank Danny for me, too. Where'd he go?"
"I think he's upstairs with Tyler. I'll tell him you had to leave."
After Peter left Mark stuck pretty close to Lucy the rest of the afternoon. A few minutes later June and her husband Bernard arrived.
"What a beautiful home, Billy."
"Thanks, June. Come in and I'll get you a drink. After the first one, though, it's help yourself."
June looked around as I led them to the bar we had set up in the dining room.
"You have more white friends than I would have expected. Actually, I wouldn't have expected the old William to have any white friends. You are just one surprise after another."
"Oh, just wait, June. The biggest surprise is yet to come."
We walked into the living room and I caught Danny's eye. He excused himself from a couple of friends from the Alliance and came over to us.
"June, Bernard, this is Daniel Stephens. Danny, you've heard me speak of June Watson."
"Mrs. Watson! I am so glad to finally meet you. I've been listening to Billy rave about you practically since the day we met. And it's so nice to meet you, too, Bernard."
It only took a few seconds for June to recover but the momentary shocked look on her face was priceless.
"Billy, didn't you say Bernard was in real estate? Why don't you introduce him to Tommy and Clay? They're in the sunroom. June and I have to talk."
"About what?"
"About you, silly."
Being a good host I circulated through the party while Danny and June talked off to one side like old friends. After a while I noticed Aunt Connie had joined them. I answered the door a bit later and there was Jeff, our old friend and ally from the dorm. We hadn't seen him since graduation and I was surprised to see that he had brought along his old roommate, Bob. I gave Jeff a hug and offered my hand when Bob stepped back a bit.
"Bob, good to see you. Don't be afraid. We don't bite."
"Yeah, I know that, Billy. It's just that this isn't exactly the kind of crowd I'm used to. Jeff talked me into coming."
"I'm glad he did, and don't worry, there are lots of other straight people here."
I introduced them around but they both stuck pretty close to me. Jeff was relaxed but Bob was pretty tense around some of the gay guys, especially Mickey when he got a little flamboyant. He did loosen up a bit when Frankie and Joanne joined us; at least until they began talking about the holy union they were planning.
"Holy union? What's that?"
"It's like a wedding ceremony without the marriage license. Frankie and I have lined up a minister from the city and we're having it at the Unitarian Church in the spring."
"I can't believe a minister would condone something like that."
"She's from the Metropolitan Community Church. It's a gay church, Bob."
"A gay church? That doesn't sound real to me, Frankie. And marriage is between a man and woman. That's what it says in the Bible."
"It says a lot of things in the Bible, Bob, things that most 'good Christians' chose to ignore. A holy union is just our way of making a public commitment to each other, of sharing our love with our families and friends."
"I still don't think it's right."
"Maybe not for you, Bob, but it is for us. How about you, Billy? Joanne and I think you and Danny should have a ceremony. You guys have been together for years."
"We talked about it but decided it's not for us. Danny and I made a commitment to each other a long time ago and nothing is going to change that. Besides, our friends already know how much we love each other."
"But don't you want to make a public statement?"
"We just don't see the point, Joanne. If it were legal, we'd get married in an instant. Danny and I are pretty traditional kind of guys. And we'd love to get the legal benefits of marriage. It's a good thing Clay is our friend and gives us a discount with all of the legal work we've given him to protect ourselves-wills, powers of attorney, partnership agreements. And now you wouldn't believe all of the extra papers he drew up to take care of Tyler."
"Who's Tyler?"
"It has been a while since we've seen you, hasn't it, Jeff?"
I looked toward the hall and saw Danny coming down the stairs with the baby in his arms. Naptime was apparently over, at least for a while.
"You're about to meet him now."
Tyler was the hit of the party. Everybody oohed and aahed over him. The proud papa took him around and introduced him to everyone who hadn't yet met him. Even Bob fussed over him although he definitely didn't approve.
"I don't know how you can say you and Danny are traditional guys, Billy. Everything you do is so radical and strange."
"I don't know how you can say that, Bob. We're a monogamous couple who want to get married. We're madly in love with each other, we teach school, we're homeowners and loving parents. We're so normal we're boring."
"Yeah, but you're both guys."
"Okay, so maybe we're not that boring."
Mark
The more Peter and I talked the more everything stayed the same. We just weren't getting anywhere. We went around and around in circles and covered the same ground over and over again. Finally I invited him out for the weekend to give us some time alone to try to work things out. Saturday was a marathon talk session with only a couple of breaks for food. We started out so far apart I thought we couldn't help but get closer together as the day went on. I was wrong.
"You know I've been trying to figure out what I want and I've finally decided that I really do want a monogamous relationship, Peter."
"How can you say that? You've loved the group scenes we've done the past year or so as much as I have."
"I'll admit I loved the sex, most of it, anyway. But all that means is that I love sex. It doesn't mean I love being with lots of guys. I could have just as much fun with you alone, Peter."
"Yeah, but there's a limit to how much sex two people can have. I couldn't fuck you all night long, for example, not without a few rest periods, anyway."
"That last gangbang at the baths while I was unconscious was not my idea of fun, Peter. On top of everything else I got the clap. Dr. Stern had to give me a shot of penicillin. You know how embarrassing that was?"
"I don't know why you were embarrassed. He knows you're gay so he must assume you get fucked up the ass. You do it enough and you're bound to catch something now and then. But seriously, that scene is not going to happen again. I told Terry I didn't want any more of that stuff. We both got too wasted."
"You'd better believe that's never going to happen again. I've had enough of the baths."
"Okay, I'll go along with that. How about we just stick to occasionally having Terry and maybe one or two of his friends over now and then? Or maybe if we see someone interesting in one of the bars we go to in the neighborhood we could invite him home for a three-way. No big groups, no anonymous fucks. Just a few select guys when we felt like it. No big deal."
"I just want to be with you, Peter. You, no one else. Why is that so hard?"
"It's not hard for you, babe, but it is for me. I've told you before, I feel like we're only young once and there's only so much time for fun. We should grab all we can while we can. If just one guy is enough for you, that's great, but I want more."
"And how many guys is enough for you, Peter? Ten? A hundred? A thousand? You can't have them all, you know. There's always gonna be someone you'll have to pass up. So why not be happy with just me?"
"We've gone over that so many times, Mark. What if we just go back to the way it was toward the end in Boston? You be monogamous if you want. I won't go out looking for anyone else but if someone comes along I'll be discreet."
"You know how insecure that makes me, not knowing where you are, if you're with someone else. I hated that."
"Then I don't know what the answer is. I keep offering what I think are good compromises but what you want just isn't open to compromise."
And so it went, all afternoon and all evening. We got nowhere. As the night got later we both began to realize that it was hopeless. I had a lump in my throat and it was all I could do not to cry.
"We're not going to make it, are we, Peter?"
"It doesn't look like it, baby. We've tried so hard for so long but I guess our differences are too basic to overcome."
"But I love you, Peter."
"And I love you too, Mark. Believe me, I love you with all my heart, but it's just not gonna work."
"But if we love each other that much there should be some way."
"I'm afraid not. We both want it to but in three years of trying we haven't been able to find the way. I'm afraid it's just not going to happen."
We didn't talk much after that. I think we were both too depressed. It was late so we got undressed and climbed into bed. Peter wrapped his arms around me and we just cuddled. Before long we were both crying. I think we fell asleep that way.
We were both pretty quiet in the morning. I did some studying for school and Peter worked on some papers he had brought home from the office. A little after noon we got ready for Billy and Danny's open house. Neither of us was much in the mood for a party but we had to make an appearance. Peter packed his stuff before we left the apartment. We just stood there and looked into each other's eyes for a moment.
"So this is it. It's over."
"Yeah, Mark, I guess so."
"I'll stop by the apartment after school tomorrow and pack up my stuff. It may take a few trips to lug it all out here by train."
"No rush. If there's anything I can do for you, I will."
"Are you going to be okay with the apartment, Peter? Can you handle it on your own?"
"Yeah, I think so. My last raise was a pretty good one, plus I just got a bonus. Money shouldn't be a problem. Are you going to be all right, Mark?"
"I don't know. I have to be, I guess."
"Lean on Lucy and the guys if you have to, baby. Nobody ever had better friends than them, you know. You're pretty lucky there."
"Yeah, I guess I had to have some good luck somewhere."
"Well, we'd better go down to the party. Let's not say anything about this to anyone today, okay?"
"Yeah, no point in bringing everyone down."
Danny
I couldn't believe how well our holiday party went. Billy deserved all of the credit. Once Mrs. Watson got there I had such a good time talking to her about my favorite subject-Billy-that I forgot that I was the host. Then I started showing off Tyler and that was that. I completely lose track of time when that little baby is in my arms. I noticed that Peter had disappeared pretty soon after the party started and Mark seemed really down but I didn't get much of a chance to talk to him. It wasn't until everyone had left and he was helping us clean up that he told us what had happened. Even with all of the problems they had had Billy and I were still surprised. We'd always just assumed that they would find a way to resolve their differences. The three of us sat and talked a while and Mark cried quite a bit. I was worried about Mark going home to the little apartment alone. Billy seemed to be thinking the same thing.
"Think we have room for Mark to spend the night with us, Danny?"
I wasn't sure exactly what he meant. Upstairs was our room, Lucy in the guest room and the nursery. The fourth room was still empty. Of course there were the couches in the living room and sunroom but I didn't know why Billy would ask me about them. I suppose my face showed my confusion.
"I was thinking that Mark shouldn't be alone tonight and our bed is easily big enough for three."
"Yeah, Billy, I think we have room."
It was Mark's turn to look confused as he looked back and forth between us.
"For sleep, Mark. Just for sleep. Don't get your hopes up, slut."
Billy's teasing comment actually brought a little smile to Mark's face. Lucy and Tyler had turned in a while before and it was getting late. Billy and I had school in the morning so we all went upstairs to get ready for bed. We each took a turn in the bathroom with Mark going last. When he came out Billy and I were already in bed. He just stood in the middle of the room.
"C'mon, Mark, get out of your clothes and get into bed. It's late."
Mark slowly got undressed and hesitated when he was down to his briefs.
"Oh, go ahead. Danny and I always sleep in the nude. It's not like we haven't seen it before."
He stripped off his briefs and Billy held up the covers for Mark to climb under. He shifted around so that Mark was in between us. Mark lay there flat on his back, tense as hell.
"Loosen up, Mark, we're just going to sleep. No need to be so tense."
Billy and I lay on our sides on either side of Mark, each with an arm over his chest. It felt so strange being naked and lying against a naked body that was not Billy's but our arms were touching each other on Mark's chest.
"Are you comfortable, Mark?"
"Yeah, Danny. I mean, it's totally weird but I'm okay."
I thought it might take us all a while to fall asleep that way but in just a few seconds Mark's rhythmic breathing indicated he was sleeping. The next thing I knew the dim light of early dawn was creeping into the room. I was lying on my side and there was a huge unfamiliar hardon pressed against my butt. I jumped but then remembered who was in bed with us. I slipped out of bed, went into the bathroom, relieved my bladder and got into the shower. A minute later, Billy joined me.
"Morning, babe. Sleep good?"
"Actually, I did. I wasn't sure how that would work out."
"I hope that was okay with you, Danny. I didn't want Mark to be alone and there wasn't exactly time to discuss it with you."
"Yeah, that was a great idea, actually. You can be so sweet, which is one of the ten million reasons why I love you."
We took advantage of the time we were saving by showering together and relieved some of the sexual tension that had built up since we'd been unable to make love the night before. Not that we make love every night (well, nearly) but when we do skip a night we like to make up for it in the morning. Actually, we do it a lot in the morning even when we don't have anything to make up for. And the shower in our house is so much roomier than the one in the old apartment.
Billy and I quietly got dressed for work so we didn't wake Mark. We knew he didn't have to be in the city until noon and decided he could use the sleep. Just as we were leaving the room to go downstairs for breakfast we heard his sleepy voice coming from the bed.
"Thanks, guys. I love you."