This is a story of love between two young men. If you are under age, or live in an area where reading stories that include sex between males is illegal, or if you're not into this type of story, please leave. The story began in 1969. While the characters and their story are completely fictional, it is set at places that are real and is told against a backdrop of some real events. This was a time when all sex was safe. It isn't now, so please respect yourself and others enough to always play safe.
I would like to thank all of those who have written to me with comments, suggestions and encouragement, especially my fellow writers in the Nifty Six. The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at NJMcMick@yahoo.com.
September 1973
Billy
The first few days at school before the students started was a chance to reacquaint myself with the layout of the building and some of the teachers and get a little bit organized. It felt so strange being back at Central High and it was hard to get used to the idea that I was the teacher now, not the student. I had lunch with Mrs. Watson the first day.
"You certainly have grown up, William. It's almost like you're a different person. You used to be so angry all the time. You always had a chip on your shoulder but you seem happy now."
"I am happy, Mrs. Watson. I've learned to live with myself and the world around me. My life is good."
"You've got to stop calling me Mrs. Watson, William. We're colleagues now, not teacher and student. Please call me June."
"I'll try but it just doesn't seem right. You might as well call me Billy. I stopped insisting on William long ago."
"That's another change. You were always one for demanding respect."
"I still insist on respect but back then I felt like I had to prove myself all the time. I don't have to prove anything to anyone now. I know who I am and that's all that matters."
"You have changed. Your parents must be so proud of you."
I had expected a comment like that sooner or later and had decided to try to be at least partly honest in my answer.
"Actually, Mrs., uh, June, I'm not in contact with my parents. We had a falling out quite a while back and don't speak any longer."
"That's a shame, Billy. It must be hard for you to be out on your own but you seem to be doing all right."
"I get by, June. Like I said, my life is good."
"Do you have a girlfriend, someone who cares about you?"
Another expected question, one that I had to be more careful answering.
"No, no girlfriend, but there are good people in my life who care about me."
"Well, I know a couple of nice young single women who I'm sure would love to go out with a handsome bright young man like you. If you're interested, I could arrange something."
"Thanks for the offer, June, but I prefer to take care of my own love life."
June didn't take offense and didn't push the issue. Over the next couple of weeks I came to rely on her for advice on everything to do with the school. She became my unofficial advisor and my friend. Our conversations mostly revolved around the school and teaching and though she tried to find out a little about my personal life I didn't open up much. I told her I lived in Morristown and had a roommate and that was about it. I wasn't sure how she'd react to my being gay and I decided to keep it to myself, for a while, at least.
I was still luckier than Danny, though. His principal sounded like a real prick. It's hard to imagine that anyone could think of Danny as immoral and a poor role model. He's the sweetest most decent guy I've ever known. I may be a little prejudiced on that, though.
The kids were a little rowdier and more disrespectful than I remembered and that's something coming from me. I was the master at bad behavior and disrespect just a few years back. I had to get back into my street punk persona a bit to keep order in the classroom. Once the kids learned I wouldn't take any shit from them they didn't cause any trouble, not much anyway. After a couple of weeks I began to feel a little comfortable in my new role.
My commute wasn't too bad. The train took about half an hour and then I had a mile walk to school through the neighborhood I had grown up in. It hadn't changed much since I left though it was showing more signs of neglect. The area been great when I was in high school but after the riots it really started to slide. Because of the commute I had to leave earlier than Danny in the morning and got home later in the afternoon. I used the time on the train to read or work on my lesson plans. In bad weather I caught a cab to school from the Broad Street station and usually I could hitch a ride back in the afternoon with another teacher. In Morristown Danny picked me up at the train station when it rained but normally I walked home. Soon we were both falling into a routine, one that I knew would probably have to be adjusted a bit once Lucy had the baby.
Friday afternoon I got home from the train station to find the house empty and Lucy's note in the kitchen. I called for a cab and ran upstairs to change out of my school clothes. The taxi was waiting at the curb by the time I was ready. At the front desk I was directed up to the maternity floor where I found Aunt Connie in the waiting room.
"Any news yet?"
"No, Billy. They took Lucy into delivery about two hours ago but these things can take a long time. Better make yourself comfortable."
I grabbed a magazine and tried to read but I was too excited and nervous. Fortunately I didn't have too long to wait. In about twenty minutes Danny came walking through the door with a big grin on his face. He just stood there smiling.
"Well? Aren't you going to tell us?"
"Oh yeah, I knew I came out here for something. It's a boy!"
"How is the baby? How is Lucy?"
"There's both fine, Aunt Connie. We can go see them in a few minutes. Man, delivery is a lot harder than I expected. I don't know how women do it. Lucy was great, though. I'm just glad it's over."
"I'm sure she is too, Danny."
We all went in to see Lucy and the baby. He was so beautiful. I couldn't take my eyes off him the whole time we were in Lucy's room. I don't just mean he was physically beautiful. All babies are, or so they say. Besides, with parents like Danny and Lucy he couldn't help it. But realizing that he was the product of the two people I love most in the world made me love him so much. I nearly cried when Danny insisted Tyler have my name as his middle name.
We didn't stay very long. Both Lucy and Danny were exhausted and of course the baby slept through everything. I drove Danny home and we hugged and kissed Aunt Connie good night in the yard, then went into the house. Danny heated up some soup and opened a bottle of wine while I went into the living room to light a fire in the fireplace. It wasn't cold but we were both feeling mellow and wanted to cuddle. After we ate we took our glasses and the bottle with us, threw lots of pillows onto the floor in front of the fireplace and got comfortable.
We sipped our wine and I held Danny in my arms. We didn't talk much, but nestled together and watched the fire. Life just couldn't get any better. I was a little hesitant to think that because a couple of times in the past I felt that good and then bad things happened. But I just knew we were on the right track now.
"I didn't think it was possible Danny, but now that I look at you and think of you as a father, you're even sexier than ever. You are so hot right now. I want to make love to the new daddy."
"And I want you to, Billy, but lets make it slow and tender, not athletic. I'm so tired I don't think I have the energy to move much."
"Any way you want it, baby."
Danny just lay back against the pillows and I slowly undressed him. I stripped my clothes off and just cuddled with him for a while. My dick wasn't in the mood for just cuddling, though. It had been rock hard ever since we lay down on the floor and I gently pressed it against Danny's hip. As tired as he was his cock quickly responded. I rolled over on top of him and put my right hand under the top of his back and my left hand behind his head and kissed him. I slowly ground my hips into his and our dicks rubbed against each other. After a while I lifted up, slid down a bit until my cock was between his thighs and then pressed down onto him again. I thrust my hips forward a bit until the head of my dick was poking him just behind his balls. We resumed kissing and I humped him lightly, my hard rod rubbing up and down his crack over his hole. Danny pushed back against me.
"Do it, Billy. Make love to me, please," he said breathlessly.
I hesitated. Damn! The lube was in the bedroom, all the way upstairs at the back of the house. I thought for a second.
"Hold that thought, Dan. I'll be right back."
I jumped up, ran into the kitchen and opened the pantry, grabbed a small bottle of olive oil and a small towel and went back into the living room. I put the towel under Danny's butt and lifted his legs up over my shoulders. I carefully poured a little of the oil onto my cock which had started to soften from all of the running around. A few strokes to spread the oil all over it and I was hard as steel again. I applied a little to his pucker with my fingers. He immediately relaxed at my touch and I slid first one then two fingers inside. I just fingered him for a couple of minutes, rubbing his prostate with my fingertips, stroking my own meat with the other hand. Danny moaned and looked at me through half-closed eyes.
"C'mon, Billy. That feels great but I need more than your fingers in me. Do me."
I pulled out my fingers and lined my dick up with his relaxed pucker, then leaned into him. It slid in all the way in one long slow motion. When I was completely buried in him I pulled his legs down and wrapped them around my waist, then leaned over and kissed him again.
I pulled back and slowly began pumping in and out of Danny. He thrust his hips slightly to meet me each time. We stared into each other's eyes as we fucked, a slight smile on both our mouths. At times like this I think we go into a kind of trance together, getting off on our love even more than on the sexual activity. I gradually increased our speed and as I approached the point where I knew it wouldn't be long for me I grabbed Danny's dick in my fist and began pumping it. I came first but midway through my orgasm Danny's dick exploded all over his chest and stomach. I squeezed the last drop out of his cock and then lay down on him and kissed him again. I slipped out of him while we were kissing.
"That was great, Billy. I love you so much."
"No more than I love you, baby. You're the best."
We just lay there as the fire burned itself out. At some point we fell asleep because I woke up in the middle of the night nestled with Danny among the pillows. I shook him gently. He half-awoke and I got him onto his feet and helped him upstairs where we both fell into bed and were back asleep in seconds.
October 1973
Mark
Life sucks. By the time school started I had just about given up on everything. I was getting high every day. I had to have Terry get some grass for me to smoke on a regular basis. His special stuff made me too horny and I didn't want that all day every day. I just wanted to get high and escape. My schoolwork suffered, as did my performance at The Restaurant. I guess I cared a little because if I didn't I'd just lie in bed smoking all day. At least I was going through the motions, going to class, completing assignments, passing tests. At work I made sure I provided good enough service so that I didn't get fired but I think the only guys who left me good tips anymore were ones who had had me at the baths or who hoped to.
Terry came over once a week and fucked my brains out with that huge dick of his. Sometimes he brought a friend or two. When it was just him Peter joined in and we had a good three-way. When he brought other guys Peter just liked to watch. He really got off on watching me get fucked. I got off on getting fucked too but it didn't matter to me whether it was one guy or three. A dick was a dick and when I was high I just wanted one up my ass. As much as I loved the sex and found getting fucked by strangers to be kind of exciting there were times when even through the smoky haze I wished that it was just Peter and me. But as I said I liked the sex and Peter loved what we were doing so what the hell.
I must not have been totally emotionally dead because I did get excited when Billy called to tell me about the baby. A few days later Peter and I went out to Morristown to see him. Tyler was a beautiful, healthy baby and Billy, Danny and Lucy were so happy but I started getting depressed almost as soon as we got there. Why were they able to move on with their lives and I wasn't? What was wrong with me? At least Peter and I hadn't smoked before we got there so I was pretty much in control and didn't have to worry about embarrassing myself in front of them. I still couldn't get over the way I'd treated Danny last spring. He never mentioned it and treated me the same as ever but I just couldn't forgive myself. What did it say about the kind of person I was that I would do that to my friend?
Afterward all I could think about was what a loser I was, how fucked up my life was.
One Friday night Peter met me after work. I had started working an extra night each week since there wasn't any more money coming from my parents. We went out for a few drinks and then headed over to the Club Baths. Peter pulled a fat joint out of his pocket.
"Terry says this is treated with something really special. He only gave me one but said it would be all we needed."
We took the less crowded streets as we crossed the Village, discreetly passing the joint back and forth. By the time we got to the baths I was more than a little buzzed. We undressed, put our clothes in our lockers, and started working our way up to the orgy room. I was completely out it when we got there, flying higher than I could ever remember. I'd taken the precaution of lubing up my butt at the locker. When we went back to a guy's room he usually had lube but for action in the orgy room I didn't like depending on spit as the only lube.
There were two bunks pulled together near the middle of the room that were empty so I lay down on one on my stomach and Peter climbed on top of me. He slid his hard cock up and down my crack for a while, teasing me and lubing himself up at the same time. When I started begging him to fuck me he put his head against my hole and pushed, burying himself deep inside me. He began fucking and a couple of guys stopped to watch. After Peter came in me he rolled off onto the bunk next to me and another guy took his place. Peter held the guy's dick and directed it into me. He began thrusting, quite a bit rougher than Peter had but I didn't mind. I was high and I was getting fucked and that was all that mattered. A third guy followed him and another one after that. Peter was just lying there watching, groping the guys to keep them hard, directing the action. I was so high that while I loved the physical sensations I felt like I wasn't really a part of what was going on, like I was on the next bunk with Peter watching some guy getting gang banged.
I must have dozed off but when I awoke the guy was still pumping into me. My hole was burning and very sore. I guessed the lube must have been pretty much used up by then. The guy came with a couple of hard thrusts and pulled out. Another tried to take his place but I pushed him away, turned onto my side and faced Peter who was also asleep. I shook his shoulder lightly and he opened his eyes.
"Go to sleep, babe. You must be worn out."
"I want to go home, Peter. Let's get out of here."
"Take a nap first. You've earned it. Maybe you'll want some more when you wake up."
"I've had enough, Peter. I want to go."
"Go ahead then. I'm not ready to go. I'm gonna sleep a little bit more."
"I don't want to leave you here, Peter. Let's go. You can sleep at home."
"Just go, babe. You were great tonight. See you in a little while."
He closed his eyes and was asleep in a second. I went down to the locker and got dressed. My ass was hurting more than ever before and I couldn't figure out why. When I stepped out the door onto First Avenue I got the answer. It was broad daylight. I looked at my watch and saw that it was after eight. No wonder. I'd been fucked for over six hours. That last guy wasn't the one who was fucking me when I fell asleep. God knows how many guys had me while I was out. I rushed home, undressed and sat on the toilet, expelling what felt like a gallon of cum. Then I got into the shower. I just felt so dirty. I scrubbed myself over and over but it didn't help.
I sat in front of the mirror in the bedroom and stared at the guy in there. How many guys had fucked me while I was unconscious? What did they do to me? And what was Peter doing while it was happening? Was he watching, getting off on the scene? Or had he passed out too, leaving me unprotected, vulnerable to whatever those guys wanted to do, letting complete strangers use me? He said I'd been great. What was that supposed to mean?
I had to get away from there. I needed time to think. My life was going down the drain and there seemed to be no stopping it. I knew I didn't want to see Peter just then. Somehow whenever I had my doubts about what I was doing or I didn't like the way things were going he calmed me down and made me think everything was all right but I didn't want to be calmed down about this any more. Everything was not all right. But what was I gonna do? Where could I go?
My first thought was Billy and Danny but I hesitated. How could I tell them about this? What would they think of me? Then I thought back to that day they found me bleeding on their bathroom door. I was a complete stranger to them and yet they had been so supportive, so kind. They'd been like that ever since. They'd never judged me and had always been there for me. I didn't deserve friends like them but I really needed them now. I wrote Peter a quick note saying that I needed time to think things out and didn't know when I'd be back. Then I got dressed and walked to the PATH station. I wasn't sure I could tell the guys all of the shit I'd been doing but I knew I needed to try.
Danny
Everything was working out great with Tyler, the first few weeks anyway. Billy and I helped out as much as we could when we were home. We'd change the diapers and wash him and fuss over him. He slept most of the time and usually only woke up once during the night. One or both of us would get up when he did but since Lucy was breast-feeding she also had to get up when he was hungry. On the weekends we tried to give her as much of a break as possible. She wasn't supposed to go out much right after the delivery but she'd go next door to visit with Aunt Connie and after the first couple of weeks they'd do some shopping or go out to lunch. Billy and I stayed home with Tyler, did our schoolwork, and took care of things around the house. Sometimes we just stared at him, amazed at the miracle of life.
Late Saturday morning Lucy went over to Aunt Connie's. They were going out to lunch and then were going to catch a movie. Lucy had used her breast pump to leave a bottle of milk in the refrigerator for Tyler when he got hungry. Billy and I were in the kitchen working on lesson plans when the doorbell rang. I jumped up and ran to get the door before the bell rang again. I didn't want it to wake up Tyler. Mark was standing at the door, looking like hell. I grabbed him and hugged him.
"What a surprise! It's so good to see you. Where's Peter?"
"He's back in the city. I wanted to come out on my own to see you guys and talk. I really miss you."
"We miss you, too. Come into the kitchen. Billy and I were just doing some work for school."
Billy and I put our papers away and took Tyler and Mark into the sunroom. Ty was sleeping (when wasn't he?) so Mark only spent a minute admiring him. He seemed a little ill at ease and wasn't looking either of us in the eye.
"So what's bothering you, Mark?"
"Am I that obvious, Billy? I guess I am. I'm so unhappy, guys, and I don't even know where to begin. My life is totally screwed up."
"It's been pretty clear to both of us that you haven't been handling things well lately, Mark. We've been worried about you, especially since you started avoiding us. I hope you know I'm not mad at you for last spring."
"I know, Danny, though you should be. I was a real ass. But that's what I mean. I just don't know what I'm doing lately, or, what's worse, why I'm doing things. It's like I'm totally out of control."
"I know you're been getting high way too much the past year or so, Mark. Sometimes I feel guilty about that because I gave you my Valium last year. That seems to have started you on the wrong track."
"Oh God, it's not your fault, Danny. Please don't think that. You and Billy have always been great to me. I take full responsibility for the way I've fucked things up. It just hurt so bad when my Dad told me about Brad. I love him so much, I have all my life. I really depended on him loving me back. It hurts so to not have him in my life, to know that someone so wonderful is gone."
"We know how you feel, though not to the same extent, of course. With the ceasefires that have been signed this year Danny and I were hoping we'd all get more information about Brad but apparently not much has really changed over there. Our troops are still there even though the South Vietnamese are doing the fighting now. The war still goes on."
"Maybe it's the lack of finality that's getting to me. I know there was never much hope and as time goes on there is less and less but not knowing for sure just eats away at me. I can't handle reality so I run away from it."
"The problem with doing that is that when you come down from your high the world is still there, Mark. You can't run away forever."
"I know, Danny. And getting high just makes things worse because then I do things I don't want to do, or maybe I do want to do them and that scares me even more. I just don't know who I am anymore."
"What kinds of things are you talking about? You mean like at our party last May?"
"Something like that but much worse. I don't even know if I can tell you guys about it, Billy."
"You can tell us anything, Mark. You should know by now that Danny and I love you and will always be there for you. Don't be afraid of us giving up on you."
Mark slowly and hesitatingly began to tell us about his and Peter's adventures at the baths and at home with Terry and his friends. Billy and I had thought that they were doing something along those lines but still I was shocked at the extent. Lots of guys we've met through the Alliance and at The Restaurant have different kinds of open relationships and while that would never be something that Billy or I wanted it seemed to work okay for them, though better for some than others. I long ago realized that every couple has to decide what they want and as long as they're honest with each other and are both agreeable it's no one else's business what they do. But this sounded more like Peter than Mark. Nothing Peter did would surprise me after that scene in Ft. Lauderdale but Mark had always seemed to want monogamy. I wasn't trying to judge him but I was absolutely horrified when Mark told us about the night before at the baths.
"You could have been badly hurt, Mark. Lots of guys are into really kinky things and you were defenseless, just lying there waiting to be used."
"I know, Danny. At first I thought I had only dozed off for a couple of minutes and that Peter was keeping an eye on me. When I realized I had probably been out a few hours and so had Peter it really scared me. I've become pretty used to casual sex but I don't even know who did me last night or how many of them there were. I always trusted Peter to be there for me and he wasn't so I'm pretty shook up by the whole thing."
"Yeah, you were really taking a chance, Mark. You have to decide what you want. If you really want to have an open relationship and do threesomes with Peter then do it. But if you have to get stoned out of your head to do it I think there's a problem."
"I know, Billy. I've always fantasized about a monogamous relationship like you and Danny have, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy having sex with all these guys. There's something exciting about being with a new guy, with not knowing exactly how things are going to be. You must remember what it was like before you met each other."
"Actually, we'd never been with anyone else before we met. Mark. Billy and I were both virgins. We thought you knew that."
"Shit! I didn't realize that. You're making me feel like even more of a slut now. You mean neither of you has ever done it with another guy? Aren't you ever attracted to other guys? Don't you ever wonder what it would be like?"
"Sure, we both notice hot guys, Mark. Danny and I point them out to each other all the time, though we often don't agree on who we think is hot. And now and then I see a hot little ass and think, "Damn, I'd like to get in there,' but it's just a passing thought, not a real desire."
"Yeah, Billy and I have never had just sex. We were in love with each other before we ever did anything so we automatically link sex with love in our minds. For either of us to seriously want to have sex with somebody else would be like wanting to be in love with somebody else and there's no way either of us would even think that."
"We realize that sex can be fun all by itself but that's just not a part of our experience. That's great if it works for others but it just isn't something I could get into. I've got the best with Danny. You can't improve on that."
"You see, that's what I want, too, but you guys are so perfect I feel like I can't come close."
"We're not perfect, Mark. We're a great match but all relationships need work and attention. Billy and I try to never take each other for granted. After a while together that can happen so you have to stay on your toes. We talk to each other and listen to each other, but all the communication in the world wouldn't help if we didn't agree on the basics of what we want."
"I know and that's my problem. Peter seems so sure of what he wants but I'm not sure if that's what I want. I don't even know what I want. I never think about sex with anyone else unless I'm smoking but then since I do enjoy it so much when I'm high I keep thinking that I must want it. Maybe I just can't admit it, even to myself, unless I get stoned. Or maybe I just like sex and, though I'd prefer it to be only with Peter, when I get high I give in to whatever he wants. I just don't know."
"Then your first priority is to figure out what you want, Mark. And it's got to be something that can make you happy when you're not high because you can't spend your life stoned."
"I know, Billy. I've already decided I'm gonna stop smoking for a while so I can think straight but as much as I hate the idea I think I need some time away from Peter, too. He means well but I give in to him too easily. I need to think this through on my own. Unfortunately, I can't go home to my parents."
"We'd love to have you stay with us but Lucy is in the guestroom and things are a little crazy here with Tyler. You wouldn't get much thinking or studying done in this house."
"Hey, Billy, how about our old apartment? He'd be right next door but he'd also have peace and quiet."
"That's a great idea, Danny. I'm sure Aunt Connie wouldn't mind. We'll ask her when she and Lucy get home. In the meantime, why don't you call Peter, Mark? And Danny, from the way Tyler's squirming I think his diaper need attention. He's probably hungry, too, so I'll go warm up his bottle."
"How come I always get the dirty work?"
"Because you're the daddy, white boy."