This is a story of love between two young men. If you are under age, or live in an area where reading stories that include sex between males is illegal, or if you're not into this type of story, please leave. The story began in 1969. While the characters and their story are completely fictional, it is set at places that are real and is told against a backdrop of some real events. This was a time when all sex was safe. It isn't now, so please respect yourself and others enough to always play safe.
I would like to thank all of those who have written to me with comments, suggestions and encouragement, especially my fellow writers in the Nifty Six. The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at NJMcMick@yahoo.com.
November 1971
Mark
I avoided Peter for a couple of weeks after our run-in at the back room bar. I didn't even go to the meetings at Harvard, mostly because I wasn't ready to talk to him but also because I didn't want to see Tom and Ken. When I left the bar that night all I could think of was how hurt I was finding Peter like that. After I had calmed down a bit I realized that they had also seen it all and I was too ashamed to face them. Yeah, Peter was the one who was apparently in the wrong, but it was just too embarrassing knowing that they had seen him 'cheating' on me. And who knew how many people they'd told about it?
Peter kept calling and leaving messages for me to call back. I finally gave in and returned his call. His messages were starting to sound desperate and I didn't want my roommate wondering what was going on so I agreed to meet him at the coffee shop we usually went to after the meetings.
He was very subdued and spoke very quietly.
"I've missed you so much, Mark. I know I apologized before but I want to tell you again how sorry I am that I hurt you."
"I know you keep telling me that I shouldn't let something like that hurt, but it does. I can't just make up my mind that's it's not going to hurt. It's not a rational thing. I love you, Peter, but I don't see how we can make this work."
"I've been thinking about it a lot, baby. You know the way I look at sex and I'm not sure I can change that, but I'm willing to try to make some compromises. How about if I agree that I won't go out looking for sex with anyone else? That doesn't mean I might not say yes if some guy I like asks me, but it's not like guys are just throwing themselves at me. And if I do end up doing something, I'll be discreet about it. Can you live with that?"
I didn't say anything for a while. I had really hoped that he might finally promise to give up other guys altogether. I knew that wasn't very realistic, but I was hoping. This offer was just what he said it was, a compromise. At least if he wasn't going out looking for sex that would reduce the odds of him being with someone else. And if he was discreet, then chances are I wouldn't stumble onto him again and neither would our friends. It wasn't what I really wanted but it was a step in that direction.
"Okay, it's a deal."
"Thank God. I don't want to lose you, Mark. But a deal sounds so business-like. How about we go back to my place and find a more personal way to make up?"
December 1971
Billy
After our anniversary fiasco I decided to only go out for coffee after class on Wednesdays. Not that I felt obligated to get home to Danny, it's just that I wanted to get home to him. Besides, as the semester progressed the guys got a little tiresome. I still enjoyed the discussions we had of the literature we were reading for class but when it came to talking about society the others were way to militant for my taste. Not quite Black Panther militant, but close. I could understand where they were coming from; I had been pretty anti-white myself not too long ago. Of course they put everything in a political context more than I ever did. My hatred of whites was based on growing up in a decaying, increasingly black city run by corrupt white politicians, seeing injustice all around me. Now that I've been out into more of the world and met some white folks I realize that everything isn't as simple as I thought. There are good and bad people of both races. And everything isn't black and white, so to speak. Society seems to be slowly moving in the right direction although we still have a long way to go. But if change seems too slow for me I can imagine how it seems to these other kids who are so much more radical. Still, when the conversation turns to race relations as opposed to specific societal problems or equal rights in general, I tend to clam up and just let them vent.
And they were all so straight. Not only did they make that clear in the conversations, but they had all made numerous anti-gay comments, so I couldn't talk much about my personal life to them. Still, there were times when we all got excited about something we were reading and even if we disagreed it wasn't personal. And every now and then we skipped the literature and politics and just reminisced about our childhoods, about growing up in the city. Those times almost made up for the ones where I felt out of place.
Sunday night Danny and I were about to start in on some schoolwork when the phone rang. Danny answered but quickly handed it over to me.
"Hey, William, it's Sharon, from school. I'm in Morristown visiting my aunt and uncle and thought maybe we could get together."
"I'm not sure. Hang on a minute." I put my hand over the mouthpiece and told Danny who it was.
"Go ahead if you want. I'm fine."
He smiled to let me know he wasn't just saying that. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go out or not. I hadn't really spent any time with Sharon or any of the others one on one but at least she was in town so if I didn't enjoy being with her I could easily go home.
"Yeah, Sharon, why not? Where are you?"
She gave an address that I recognized as being in the Hollow, the black neighborhood.
"I'm all the way across town from there. Why don't we meet at the Lackawanna Diner? It's midway between us."
"Sure, William, in about ten minutes, okay?"
I hung up the phone and turned to Danny. "Are you sure you're all right with this, baby?"
"I'm sure, Billy. Go enjoy yourself."
"Why don't you come along? She talks politics all the time. You'd probably find that interesting though I'm sure you'd disagree with a lot of what she says. Besides, neither of us has any school stuff we can't put off. Keep me company."
When Danny and I walked into the diner Sharon was already sitting in a booth in the corner. Her eyes widened a bit when I introduced Danny as my roommate. Actually, that was one reason I invited Danny along. I wanted her to see that blacks and whites could live together, literally, in peace and harmony. But she didn't have to know just how close together we lived.
Sharon wasn't exactly friendly or even polite to Danny. She grabbed my hand and dragged me down onto the seat next to her so Danny sat across from us. We ordered Cokes and some pie. Sharon already had a cup of coffee. She pretty much monopolized the conversation and while she didn't ever speak directly to Danny she seemed to go out of her way to say bad things about white folks. Danny didn't seem to mind, just sipped his Coke and slowly worked on his blueberry pie.
At one point my right hand was lying on the table and Sharon put her left hand over it. I quickly pulled my hand away and left it in my lap for a while but the next time I put my hand back on the table she covered it with hers again. This time I left it in my lap. She slid her leg over a bit and pressed it against mine. I inched away and she followed. All the while she never let up on the talking. I looked over at Danny and he was smiling. The little bastard found this amusing. Finally I put my hand back on the table, thinking that would satisfy her. Instead, she reached under the table and grabbed my crotch. I half rose out of my seat, grabbed her hand and slammed it down on the table.
"What the hell's gotten into you, girl?"
"I was just being friendly. You mean you don't like that?"
"No I don't. You've never acted this way before so just cut it out."
"Maybe you think I'm not good enough for you. You live in a white neighborhood with a white roommate. I suppose you date white women, too."
"No, I do not date white women, Sharon." I looked over at Danny. He was grinning, obviously getting a kick out of this.
"Well, at least you're doing something right."
"Yeah, Sharon, I am doing something right. Unlike you, I don't think who I date is a political statement. And if you think that people fall in love for political reasons then you've obviously never been in love." I came to a decision and continued before I changed my mind. "You fall in love when you meet the right person, if you're lucky. And I've been very lucky."
I reached across the table and put my hand on Danny's. Sharon looked puzzled so I got up, moved around the table and slid onto the seat next to Danny. He turned to face me and I leaned in and lightly kissed him on the lips.
"Shit! You're queer!"
"Yeah, Sharon, I'm gay and I'm in love with a white boy. And if you can't handle it, that's your problem."
She got up, grabbed her purse and left without another word.
"Guess I won't be going for coffee after class on Wednesday."
"You don't mind?"
"No, Danny. It wasn't as much fun as in the beginning. I found myself disagreeing with them more and more. And I couldn't really be myself with them."
"A couple of blacks have been to Alliance meetings, Billy. Maybe you'll have more in common with them."
"At least being gay won't be an issue."
Lucy
Christmas was a lot more subdued this year. The last week of classes I had received a letter from Brad letting me know he had arrived in Saigon. It depressed the hell out of me knowing that he was actually in Vietnam. I don't think I was so much afraid for his safety as I was just worried about his well being in general. I tried to imagine him in those scenes I've watched on the news night after night for years. It just didn't make sense. He didn't belong in a place like that. Brad tried to make light of it, joking that being in Nam at Christmastime meant that he might get to see Bob Hope, but I knew he had to be hating every minute of it.
The boys didn't go as wild with their shopping this year. I know that they missed Brad, too, and they were sensitive to my feelings as well. Plus, last year they were trying to prove something about how well they were doing. This year they didn't have to.
I did take advantage of their sympathy for my being alone by forcing them not to spend the day after Christmas alone in their apartment again. I knew what a bad day that was for them and I was determined to take their minds off it. So I bought five tickets to a matinee performance of the Radio City Music Hall Christmas show and ordered Billy, Danny, Mark and Peter to escort me into the city for the day.
After the show we wandered around Rockefeller Center and then went up Fifth Avenue checking out the displays in the department store windows. We turned down Fifty Fifth St. to look for a place to eat. We were busy talking when I realized Danny wasn't with us. I turned and he was about fifty feet back, standing in front of a small movie theater, apparently staring inside. The others all turned toward him.
"Hey, Danny, we're looking for food, not porn. C'mon."
When Danny didn't respond to Billy's call we all started back toward him. As we neared him he pointed at the poster in the glass display case. The movie was something called Hot Tricks and the poster had overlapping pictures of five male couples in various poses, all of them naked though they were only shown from the waist up. Mark and I both gasped at the couple in the middle. It was clearly Billy and Danny.
"Oh, fuck!" Billy just stood there next to Danny, staring at the picture.
"What are they doing with your picture, guys? What's going on here?"
"It's a long story, Mark. Shit, I'd almost forgotten."
"Yeah, Billy and I tried real hard to forget it."
"So tell us, guys. Are you two really in the movie?"
"It looks like we are, Peter. Why don't we go get something to eat and we'll tell you all about it." Billy looked pissed and Danny looked stunned.
We found a place down the block where we got burgers and beer and the boys told us the story; the ad in the Voice, the school film project, the drugged tea, the note Billy found in his pocket afterward. I remembered the night Brad and I had seen them come in so out of it and the conversation I had with them the next day.
"Why didn't you say anything about what happened?"
"Well, we weren't exactly proud of ourselves that day, Luce, and what happened, being taken advantage of that way, really shook us up. You and Aunt Connie were already worried about us. We didn't want anyone to know how much we'd fucked up."
"So what are you gonna do about it now, guys?"
"What do you mean, Peter?"
"You're starring in a porn film that's being shown in a public theater in New York, Billy. Anybody could see it."
"Well, there's not much we can do about it. And maybe it's not really porn. Maybe it's not so bad. Billy and I couldn't remember too much about it the next day."
"I remember a little bit more about it than you do, Danny. Believe me, it's porn."
"How about we all go see it? Then you'll at least know how you're being exposed to the world."
"I'm not sure I want to see it, Mark. Especially with all of you guys sitting there. I'd be too embarrassed."
I could understand Danny's reluctance. After all he and Billy have been through, Danny is still a shy boy. I tried to think rationally and not be influenced by all of the fantasies I'd had over the last couple of years of the two of them making love. I'm not sure I succeeded.
"I think you should definitely see the movie. You should know exactly what's in it in case you run into someone who's seen it. Besides, now that you know about it you'll always wonder."
"Yeah, Luce, you've got a point. But I kinda go along with Danny about seeing it with all of you. I'm not exactly modest, as you all know, but this is really personal."
"Besides, Lucy, it's a gay porn theater. I'm not even sure they'd let a girl in."
"If they give me a problem I'll tell them I'm doing a term paper on gay sex, Danny. But seriously, you guys shouldn't be embarrassed. We've all seen you naked and we know that you were drugged so that whatever you did in the film you weren't in control."
"Well, okay, we'll see if they let you in. But no talking during the movie. I want to be able to pretend no one is there except Billy and me."
Danny
The guy at the ticket booth gave Lucy a hassle but finally gave in and sold her a ticket. We walked into the darkened theater as coming attractions were showing and noticed that most of the guys there were sitting near the back. Peter pushed us toward the front.
"Most of the guys in the back are looking for sex. We don't want to sit back there."
We settled in seats in the middle a couple of rows back from the screen. The movie started after a few minutes and we all stopped talking. Billy and I had seen a couple of porn movies in the dorm freshman year but they were straight and had lots more women than men so I wasn't prepared for this. Apparently the movie was about several couples getting together in different places. The first scene was of two guys meeting in a bar and then going out and having sex in the alley out back. The next scene took place in the woods.
Billy and I were the third couple. It started with the scenes I remembered, the street cruising, the pick up. Then we got to the warehouse and the part we didn't remember very well began. It was an incredible orgy of two. That's the only way I could think to describe it. Sucking, rimming, fucking, you name it. Billy fucking me, me sucking Billy. Cum everywhere, all over us. The early scenes were rough and powerful, and sort of reminded me of that game Billy and I played a hundred years ago, the street thug and the innocent white boy. The final scene was tender and passionate and was clearly Billy making love to me, not just fucking me.
When our part ended and the next couple began I just sat there, stunned. Obviously, I'd never watched Billy and me making love before and it was an odd sensation. We were definitely hot and the sex was wild. I couldn't believe how many times we did it. We must have cum three times each. What was in that stuff they spiked the tea with, anyway?
Once my hardon subsided a bit I tugged on Billy's sleeve and jerked my head toward the door. I wasn't interested in seeing the other scenes in the film. He got everyone's attention and we all got up to leave. I noticed Billy, Mark and Peter all adjusting themselves as they stood. Once we were out on the sidewalk we just stood and stared at each other a minute.
"Damn! That was awesome, guys." Peter really seemed to have enjoyed the film.
""Yeah, yours was definitely the hottest of the three scenes we saw."
"Thanks, Mark. I know Danny and I have a good time in bed but I was pretty surprised at how hot that turned out. I wouldn't mind having a copy of that film."
"You guys are missing the point. Yeah, it's a hot film, but it's us, Billy. It's so personal but anyone can just walk in there and see it. It's bad enough that those guys drugged us to film it but now we're being exposed without our permission. Can't we do something?"
"Why don't you guys talk to your lawyer friend Clay? Maybe he can do something to stop it."
"It may be a little late for that, Lucy, but it couldn't hurt."
"Maybe it's not so bad, guys. It's just one tiny theater in the middle of a huge city. How many people who know you could possibly end up here to see it?"
Mark's comment made me feel better but he turned out to be totally wrong. Over the next couple of weeks I think nearly everyone we knew saw the movie. Everywhere we went guys were commenting on it, leering at us, treating us differently. One of the guys at the League at school saw it and told all of the others. They practically had a field trip to the theater. The entire staff of The Restaurant saw it and it seemed like half the customers did, too. Some people seemed disappointed in us, some looked at us with new respect. Even guys who knew we were a monogamous couple started coming on to us, thinking that if we made a movie like that we might be open to anything. When they heard about it at the Alliance it sparked a debate over my being president. Some people didn't think a porn star was a credible activist leader, though most of the guys were more interested in getting the address of the theater than anything else.
It got to the point where I was almost afraid to go anywhere. It wasn't so much that my sweet innocent image was destroyed. Lots of people think that of me because I'm blonde and look so young. It's kind of nice but it can be tiresome as well. People who really know me know that I may be sweet but I can get just as horny and dirty minded as Billy. But I am shy and I'm horrified that everyone has seen Billy and me making love. It's just so personal. No one is supposed to see that. But Billy and I decided right from the start not to try to explain to anyone.
"It wasn't our fault, baby, but it's also nobody's damn business."
"I know, Billy. I just feel so self-conscious every time anybody looks at me. I'm getting paranoid."
"Fuck 'em, Danny. We know what happened. We can't spend our life apologizing to strangers. They're gonna think what they want anyway."
"You're right, but that doesn't make it easy."
"No, but remember this. It may be personal to us, but to others it's just erotic entertainment. No matter what they may think of us for having made the movie, we were really hot in it. They can't have overlooked that. So we've got nothing to be embarrassed about on that score."
"Yeah, we were pretty good, weren't we, Billy?"
"We still are, baby."
Clay heard from the movie producers a few weeks later. They weren't going to stop distributing the film but they did offer a financial settlement, since they had shown the movie without our permission. We got a couple of thousand dollars each, which, as Clay explained, was probably ten times what the other 'actors' in the film got for their performances. Back when we were filmed that kind of money would have made a huge difference in our lives. But now that we're doing so well at The Restaurant we just put the money in the bank with the rest of our savings and moved on, trying to put our brief careers as porn stars behind us.