This is a story of love between two young men. If you are under age, or live in an area where reading stories that include sex between males is illegal, or if you're not into this type of story, please leave. The story begins in 1969. While the characters and their story are completely fictional, it is set at places that are real and is told against a backdrop of some real events. This was a time when all sex was safe. It isn't now, so please respect yourself and others enough to always play safe.
I would like to thank all of those who have written to me with comments, suggestions and encouragement, especially my fellow writers in the Nifty Six. The author retains all rights. No reproductions or links to other sites are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at NJMcMick@yahoo.com.
December 1970
Danny
I can't believe how fast the semester has flown by. Once Thanksgiving was over Billy and I became totally focused on Christmas. It wasn't our first Christmas together but it was going to be the first Christmas we spent together. Plus, we had our own place to decorate. Even with my remaining medical bills and our regular living expenses we were able to accumulate quite a bit of money over the fall so we decided we could afford to go a little crazy.
We'd already had 'our jeweler' in the Village set aside the neck chains to match our bracelets and they were what we considered our actual Christmas presents to each other. But Billy's old phonograph had died in October so we splurged on a new stereo. Of course, that meant we got to buy each other several new albums to play on it. And we bought each other a few other things as well. Then we kind of went a little overboard on Lucy, Brad, Mark and Aunt Connie. Everyone has just been so good to us and for us this year we really needed to find a way to thank them all and let them know how important they are to us.
It was fun shopping with Billy but what was even more fun was decorating our little apartment. We found a small tree that just fit and bought enough decorations to completely cover it and most of the apartment as well. By the time we finished wrapping all the gifts we bought we could barely see the tree.
"So are we bankrupt yet, babe?"
"Not even close, Billy. We really didn't spend that much. We just got one nice gift for each person and then lots of little things, just like we did for each other."
"Yeah, but with everything wrapped it sure looks like a lot. I've never seen a tree with so many presents around it, not even when I was a kid."
"Me neither, but maybe it just looks a little overwhelming because the tree is so small. I know just looking at all the decorations and gifts makes me feel good. It's such clear visible evidence of how well we're finally doing, Billy."
"Yeah, I guess our first Christmas on our own would really suck if we were still struggling just to survive. But it doesn't matter to me how much we have, as long as we have each other. And that's forever, baby."
"I'll love you until the day after forever, Billy."
"You've always got to try to outdo me don't you, white boy?"
"Sure. You know you love to come out on top and it wouldn't be any fun if I just let you."
"Yeah, I do love being on top of you, but it's not so bad when you're on top either, Danny. So how are we gonna get all this stuff down to Aunt Connie's in the morning?"
"With Brad and Lucy helping it shouldn't take more than a few trips. I can't believe Brad's folks went to Florida for Christmas, leaving him alone."
"He's not exactly alone, Danny, he's got Lucy and us. And, as Brad said, since he and Lucy spent Thanksgiving at his house his parents knew he'd be spending Christmas here, so they weren't going to be with him anyway."
"Yeah, well, I still think they're a weird family, even if they are starting to accept Lucy."
The four of us went to church for Christmas Eve services with Aunt Connie. We sat up a little while in the kitchen when we got back but since we all knew that we'd be up early in the morning we didn't want to stay up too late. Brad went upstairs to pretend to settle into the guest room and Billy and I went up to our apartment.
"Hey, Billy, it's after midnight. How about we each open one present before we go to bed?"
"I've got a special present for you, white boy. It's long, thick, dark and hard and you can play with it in bed."
"Oh, that old thing. I've played with that before. I was hoping for something a little exciting."
"Get your white ass over here and I'll show you some excitement."
Billy made love to me, slowly and passionately. He made it last, filling me physically and emotionally, making me feel more loved than ever. Afterwards we lay on our sides with Billy spooning me, his arms wrapped around me. I felt like I never wanted to move.
"So, baby, we've been engaged a year now. Still wanna marry me?"
"Oh God, Billy, more than ever. I want to be with you forever."
"You know, Danny, when I proposed last year it was a spontaneous kind of thing and I didn't seriously think of really getting married. I was just trying to say what you just did, that I wanted to be with you forever. But I really wish we could get married. Yeah, I know we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together in any case, but I wish we could make it formal and legal. You know, tell the whole world how much we love each other. Shout it from the rooftops."
"I know what you mean, Billy. There are so many times I look at you and can't believe you're all mine. Sometimes when we're out in public I just want to grab the first person I see and tell them. Your love makes me so happy I just want everyone to know."
"As long as we know, and the people who are close to us know, that's all that really matters, Danny. Maybe someday we'll be able to have some kind of ceremony where we can stand up in front of those we love, but even if we don't it won't change the way I feel about you. You're my life, baby, and you will be forever."
"Same here, Billy. You make my life possible. I think you're stuck with me."
"Thank God for that."
Lucy
Christmas was a day that was filled with joy from the minute I woke up. Brad had put his stuff in the guest room but once Aunt Connie was asleep he snuck into my room. We couldn't do much because we didn't want to make any noise but just being able to sleep with Brad and wake up in his arms was the best Christmas present I could have wished for.
Billy and Danny came down to join us for breakfast loaded down with wrapped gifts. After we'd eaten they enlisted me and Brad to help carry down the rest. I swear those boys went loco with their Christmas shopping. But they were so obviously happy watching me and Brad and Aunt Connie opening our presents. Brad and I felt bad because we'd only bought them one gift between us, a small color TV for their apartment, but they thought even that was too much.
"Lucy, Brad, this must have cost a fortune. You shouldn't spend this much money on us."
"Danny, it really wasn't all that much. Besides, you guys spent a lot more than that. And this isn't about money anyway, you know. We didn't spend more than we could afford and I hope you didn't either. We wanted to get that for you. And you wanted to get us all the things you did. That's all that matters."
"Well, thank you, Luce. Thanks, Brad."
After a while we had a little snack to tide us all over to dinner. Then I ruined the festive mood for a minute with a question that seemed pretty innocent when I asked it.
"Brad and I are going into the city tomorrow to see the tree at Rockefeller Center. Why don't you guys join us?"
"I don't think so, Luce. Danny and I were planning on staying in tomorrow, just having a mellow kind of day to relax after the holiday."
""C'mon guys. We're on vacation. It'll be fun. You can be mellow when school starts again."
"I really don't think Billy and I will be too much fun to be with tomorrow, Brad. We just want to be by ourselves."
"What's going on? This doesn't sound like you guys."
"Oh shit, guys. I just realized. Your families. The day after Christmas."
"Yeah Luce. Don't worry about it. It's not like we're not used to it after a year but we just thought we might be kinda bummed out tomorrow and not very good company."
"Maybe you shouldn't be alone, boys. Maybe it would be better to be with friends."
"We'll be fine, Lucy. Billy and I take care of each other pretty well."
Fortunately Mark arrived right then so we went back to opening presents and having fun. I tried to talk Mark into going into the city with us but he had already made plans to spend the day with Peter. Apparently Peter was going on a ski trip to Vermont with his cousins so this was going to be the only time he and Mark would be alone together over the holidays. Since we were all going our separate ways the next day we just kicked back and enjoyed each other's company for the rest of the day.
Billy
Danny and I really didn't want to get into it with Lucy and Brad so we were relieved when Mark showed up. To tell the truth, I think that one of the reasons we went overboard on Christmas preparations was that we were dreading the day after and trying not to think about it. I know Danny misses his family terribly and hurts every day but he's finally stopped hoping for a miracle. For myself, I've finally begun to acknowledge how much I miss my family as well. Yeah, I've still got a lot of anger in me and want some answers, but in spite of everything, there was a lot of love in my childhood. I miss that. I miss Mama.
Late Christmas night just before we fell asleep Danny was lying next to me, holding me tight.
"Maybe we should go with Lucy and Brad tomorrow, Billy. Maybe it'll be worse staying home by ourselves."
"It'll be bad no matter what, Danny. No point in our bringing anyone else down. We'll take care of each other, like always."
Danny knows deep down that someday he will see his parents again and I'll probably see mine but it's reached the point where things can never be the same with them. We've both grown so much and changed so much in the year since we left home that it would be impossible to go back. We were their kids a year ago. We're men now. Yeah, I know, we're still young and we'll probably fuck up a lot while we continue to grow up, but we will never be children again.
Danny
The day after Christmas was so much worse than I expected. It really started in the middle of the night. Billy had a bad dream, not quite like the nightmares he used to have, but close. He was thrashing around the bed and woke me up. At least he wasn't making that horrible moaning sound. I don't think I could have taken that, especially not on this day. I put my arms around him and held him tight and tried to whisper soothingly to him. He woke up and burst into tears.
"I'm sorry, baby. It was horrible. I dreamed that you were gone, that I was all alone and my family was gone forever, that I was never going to see you or them again."
"You're never going to be all alone, Billy. I'll always be with you, don't worry."
"I know you'll never leave me, Danny. But in the middle of the night, in my sleep, strange things go on in my mind. I can't control my thoughts. I can't reason with myself. It's just raw irrational emotion."
"Yeah, well remember, our love is raw irrational emotion, so throw some of that at those demons the next time they attack."
"You're one crazy white boy."
"You should be glad, black boy. How else could I put up with you?"
I spooned Billy and held him close, my face pressed against the back of his neck, inhaling his wonderful, unique aroma. We woke up mid-morning in the same position.
"How are you feeling this morning, Billy?"
"A lot better. Everything always looks better in daylight. But I've really got to piss, so let me go before I explode."
We both went into the bathroom and relieved ourselves standing side by side. Then we took a slow shower, washing each other from head to toe, finishing up just as the hot water ran out. We were getting pretty good at timing our showers.
"What do you say we go back to bed, Billy? I'm not up for doing anything today."
"Sounds good to me, Danny. You get into bed and I'll get us some toast and juice. We can just veg out and watch our new TV all day."
We spent a couple of hours watching boring game shows on TV and napping, then got up and had some soup for lunch.
"This is stupid, Billy. How come we feel so lousy today? I know it's been a year, but there's really no difference between today and every other day."
"You're right, Danny, but it was just such a horrible day last year. And coming right after Christmas, when we were both on such an emotional high and totally unprepared for it, we were really traumatized. I would have gone off the deep end if it weren't for you. I almost did."
"Maybe if it had happened on another day we wouldn't focus on the day so much. I mean, we have bad days all the time. The memories never totally go away, no matter how much we try to push them back."
"But the secret is to just keep on going, Danny. We've got so much good going for us. If we keep thinking of that, the past won't hurt so much."
"Yeah, I know, Billy. But I can't stop wondering, what's gonna happen to us?"
"What do you mean? We're gonna be fine, baby. We'll live here and finish school, then I'm going to be an English teacher and you're going to teach history and our life will be great. And we'll have each other forever."
"I know that part, Billy, though I'm still not sure I'll ever be able to get up in front of a class of kids every day. I meant, what about our families? I'm beginning to think we're never gonna hear from them. I never thought they would let it go this long."
"Me neither. Your parents, I mean. I'm not surprised at mine. There's no way we can know what they're thinking or why they've apparently given up on us. We just have to go on and hope for the best."
"Do you think maybe we should contact them? Maybe they're waiting to hear from us."
"I don't think that would be a good idea for me. I miss Mama but no way do I want to see Pop. And I'm not really ready to deal with Mama yet. I'm sure your parents are expecting to hear from you, though. But what they're hoping to hear is that you were mistaken about being gay, that it was only a phase, and that you no longer have anything to do with me. Do you think you could handle it if you went to them and they rejected you again?"
"No, I don't think I could take it, Billy. The confrontation last year was unexpected and it was a shock on both sides but I think it would be worse to hear that they still felt the same way after having all this time to think about it."
"And I don't think I could handle seeing you hurt like that again, baby. So it looks like we're just gonna have to wait for them to come around. Or until we're a lot stronger."
"I guess you're right, Billy. We've managed this far, we can make it a while longer."
Billy
Friday night Danny drove into the city. Mark had made arrangements with his lesbian friend from school to meet us after work to go partying. Thank God for the car so we didn't have to worry about getting the train home. Mark and Linda and her girlfriend Casey had a late dinner at The Restaurant and hung around for us to get changed at closing. We all introduced ourselves on the sidewalk.
"So where are we going, gang?"
"I don't know where you guys usually go, Mark, but Casey and I like the Duchess. It's all women so you might not be too crazy about it."
"We've never been to a women's bar but we could give it a try. If we're not too thrilled with it then maybe we could all go up to the Roundtable. They've got men and women there."
When we got to the Duchess we had a bit of a problem at the door. There was a sign saying guys were required to wear jackets and ties.
"Shit, they can't really expect guys in the Village to be dressed like that."
"No, Billy, they don't really. But the sign has a purpose. This way they can keep guys out and claim it's the dress code. Don't worry, though, Casey and I know everybody here so we shouldn't have a problem."
Even with their connections our entry was in doubt for a few minutes. The management wasn't too crazy about letting three guys in on a Friday night but Casey and Linda finally talked them into it. Once we got in it reminded me a lot of the Gold Bug only it was all women instead of all men. That took a little getting used to. We all got beers and found a table that we could squeeze around off to one side of the dance floor.
"I don't know about you guys but it's been ages since Danny and I danced, so if the ladies don't mind sharing the floor we're gonna make up for lost time."
"Just don't let them hear you calling them ladies, Billy."
I grabbed Danny's hand and led him to the dance floor and we started moving to the music. Danny was a little stiff and very white at first but loosened up after a few minutes. We were the only guys dancing and the women gave us plenty of room. After a couple of fast dances the music slowed down and I wrapped my arms around Danny and pulled him in tight. Oh God, it felt so good holding my baby in my arms, swaying to the music. When the tempo picked up again Danny took my hand and started to lead me back to the table. As we passed a short stocky blonde with hair not much longer than Danny's she called out.
"Danny? Danny Stephens? Is that really you?"
Danny stopped and stared at her a minute.
"It's Fran. Fran Sullivan from Livingston High."
"Oh my God, Fran. I didn't recognize you without your long hair. What are you doing here?"
"Actually, I should be asking you that. I blend in in a lesbian bar better than you ever will."
"You mean you're gay?"
"No Danny, I'm a butch straight girl hanging out in a dyke bar in the Village. Of course I'm gay. And what about you? What brings you here?"
"Actually, I came here with a couple of lesbians. But I'm with my boyfriend. Fran, this is Billy. Billy, this is Fran. She sat behind me in homeroom all through high school."
"Nice to meet you, Fran. Why don't you join us?"
"Sure, but only if you guys call me Frankie. That's how I'm known here."
"Gee, you are butch, Frankie."
"Damn straight, Danny. Where are you guys sitting? I have to get my girlfriend."
Danny pointed out our table and we split up, but Frankie reappeared a few minutes later with a pretty young woman with long black hair. They dragged a couple of chairs over from another table and sat down.
"Hey everybody, this is Joanne."
"And I suppose we should call you Joe?"
"No Billy, it's Joanne. She's femme."
"Oh. Danny and I aren't into roles."
"It's not really role playing if it comes naturally. It just gets ridiculous if you have to work at it and have rules and stuff."
"That's what works with me and Billy. We just do what we want and take it one day at a time, whatever works for both of us. Except I guess we're both pretty much in the middle because we're pretty equal in what we want and how we act."
"Are you saying I'm not butch, white boy?"
"You can be as butch as you want to be, black boy, as long as you roll over for me now and then."
Joanne and Frankie just sat there with their mouths hanging open at Danny's comment so I lightly kicked Danny under the table and changed the subject.
"So what do you two do? Are you in school?"
"I go to Montclair State. Joanne is a nurse."
"That's cool. How long have you been together?"
"Yeah, how did you meet?" Danny decided to behave.
"Joanne and I had an intensely personal meeting."
"You could say that. I work for Frankie's gynecologist. We met when she came in for her annual exam last summer."
"I kid Joanne that it was love at first sight. Two minutes after we met she'd seen it all."
"You're not being fair to yourself, honey. You've got a lot going for you even when you're not in the stirrups."
"Okay, you got even, girls. Billy and I don't have to know any more than that. How about we change the subject?"
Frankie and Danny got started on their high school classmates and soon they were off and running catching up on all of the gossip. Mark danced with Linda and Casey but Joanne and I just sat and listened to the gossip. It was fun getting a glimpse of the high school Danny.
"So do you know anyone else from our class who is gay, Frankie?"
"One or two, but they're not really out so I shouldn't say anything about them without their okay."
"Hey, that's not fair. You've told me about all of the straight kids and what and who they're doing."
"That's different, Danny. Everyone is presumed to be straight. If someone wants to come out it's up to him or her to say so. I've told a few people about me but it's not my place to talk about others."
"Do your parents know, Frankie?"
"My parents are separated so I don't see much of my father and we don't talk much when I do. My mother knows but she thinks it's just some radical political thing that I'll get over soon. She's pretty cool, though. She's met Joanne and was nice to her. How about your parents?"
Danny gave her a very abbreviated version of our unplanned and ill fated coming out, focusing mostly on our apartment in Morristown and our jobs at The Restaurant.
"Oh man, I can't wait to tell the kids back home about this. Sweet innocent little Danny Stephens, living on his own with a black male lover, waiting tables in a gay restaurant in the Village. They'll never believe it."
"That's not fair. You can tell others about me but not tell me about them?"
"The difference is that you're out, Danny. Everybody knows you're gay so it doesn't matter that I talk about you."
"Yeah, I guess the damage is done. You can say whatever you want about Billy and me. We don't mind."
"I give you a lot of credit. It sounds to me like you guys are more out than anyone I've ever known. You're pretty brave."
"Brave has nothing to do with it, Joanne. Sometimes you just have to be yourself. If others don't like it, tough."
"Yeah. Billy says if someone likes you but doesn't really know who you are, then who is it that they like? Some illusion that they think you are, not the real you."
"I never thought of it that way, Danny. But I still think you two are pretty brave."
The whole gang of us ended up staying at the Duchess until closing at four, dancing our asses off. Before we left we exchanged phone numbers with Frankie so we could keep in touch back in Jersey.