Billy and Danny

Billy and Danny 2, Chapter 3

This is a story of love between two young men. If you are under age, or live in an area where reading stories that include sex between males sex is illegal, or if you're not into this type of story, please leave. The story begins in 1969. While the characters and their story are completely fictional, it is set at places that are real and is told against a backdrop of some real events. This was a time when all sex was safe. It isn't now, so please respect yourself and others enough to always play safe.

I would like to thank all of those who have written to me with comments, suggestions and encouragement, especially my fellow writers in the Nifty Six. The author retains all rights. No reproductions or links to other sites are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at NJMcMick@yahoo.com.

June 3

Billy

Danny said he was feeling better but I wasn't sure. He'd been quiet, even quieter than usual since we got back from Dr. Hanson's office Tuesday. And the look in his eyes told me something wasn't quite right. But he said he was okay to work Friday night and the doctor said he only had to rest a few days, so I figured it was time for him to resume his regular routine again.

We met Mark at the train station and went into the city. Danny seemed okay and was thrilled that Mark was spending the night with Joe. But once we started work it was obvious that Danny wasn't himself. He was giving his usual good service, but was moving much slower. He wasn't even trying to carry as much on his trips between the kitchen and dining room, which meant he had to make more trips.

Finally, I took him aside and told him I was going to take one of his large tables. I expected an argument, but he just nodded. After talking to Mark, I told Danny that Mark would be taking one of his small tables. Danny just shrugged. He fell asleep on the train before we even pulled out of the Hoboken station. He slept all the way to Morristown, leaning on my shoulder, then was out cold on the bed within a minute of reaching the apartment.

Saturday afternoon I did our laundry down at Aunt Connie's while Danny rested. Afterward, we were putting the clothes away in the apartment when Danny just tipped over and fell to the floor with a crash. I rushed over to him and he just lay there looking dazed. I pulled him up and helped him onto the bed.

"I'm okay, Billy, I just lost my balance."

"Cut the crap, Danny, you're not okay. You weren't okay at work last night and you then slept all the way home. And you aren't all right now. Tell me the truth. Are you feeling any better at all since you started taking the medication?"

Danny hesitated. He looked so much like a little boy.

"No, not really."

"Is the headache as bad as it was?"

"Actually, I think it's worse. But it should start going away soon. That's what Dr. Hanson said."

"It should've started going away a couple of days ago. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm taking the medicine, Billy. It should be better soon. I can handle it for a little while longer."

"You're supposed to be getting better now. This is bullshit! You're going to bed. No way you're going to work until you're back to normal. And we're going to see Dr. Hanson on Monday."

"Billy, it's Saturday night. I have to go to work."

"No you don't. The only place you're going tonight is to bed."

It wasn't easy but I finally got Danny to agree to stay home. Man, he is one stubborn white boy. Mark, Joe and I managed to cover all of the tables Saturday night and Sunday afternoon. Wayne helped out with the drink orders and everything worked out pretty good but we were all dead after both shifts.

Monday morning I called Dr. Hanson's office and they squeezed Danny in just before lunch. The nurse didn't give me a hassle about going in the room with Danny this time. The doctor checked him over again and asked a few questions, and then we went into his office like last time.

"So what's the verdict, doctor?"

"Not good, I'm afraid, Dan. If the hematoma were going to respond to the medication you would have seen a noticeable improvement very quickly. The symptoms should have decreased by Thursday, Friday at the latest. Since you say the headache is worse than ever, it's pretty obvious the medication isn't working. I don't think we have any choice but surgery."

"You mean the drill?"

"Yes, Dan, the drill. But as I said last week, it's not as bad as it sounds. And the recovery is pretty quick, too."

"It sounds terrible. I don't want any holes in my head. And how do you recover from holes?"

"They're very small holes and once we've drained the hematoma we don't leave them open. Don't worry, you're not going to be walking around with holes in your head."

"When do you want to do this, doc?"

"The sooner the better, Bill. Not only is Dan in constant pain from this, but the pain means there is constant pressure on his brain. And that's obviously not a good thing. I'd like to admit him to the hospital tomorrow, do some tests to pinpoint the exact location of the hematoma and operate Wednesday morning."

"So soon? Can't we wait a little while to see if it gets better first?"

"We've already waited, Dan. It isn't something that gets better on its own and it isn't getting better through more conservative treatment."

"What do you think, Billy?"

"If it takes away the pain and makes you as good as new, I say do it. I can't stand to see you suffering. Is this a risky thing, doc?"

"Not especially. It sounds major, but it really isn't a very complicated procedure. And the risks aren't any greater than with any other surgery. There's always a small risk with general anesthesia and with post-operative infection, but the procedure itself is very straight-forward."

"What about after, doctor? How long until I can work? And will I be normal? I mean, this doesn't leave me with any brain damage, does it?"

"No, Dan, you'll be as normal as ever with no aftereffects. You'll have to take it easy for a while, but you can expect a full recovery. I estimate you'll be out of work maybe four to six weeks. Would you like a day to talk it over with your family? We could schedule it later in the week if you'd like."

Danny looked at me for a minute. I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. I didn't feel too assured but it sounded like there was no choice.

"No, I think we've talked about it enough. Let's do it Wednesday. I'm scared, but I just want to get it over with, the sooner the better."

"There's nothing to be scared about, Dan. You're going to be just fine."

Neither of us felt much like talking when Lucy picked us up. We avoided her questions the best we could and went up to the apartment as soon as we got home.

"You know we have to tell her, Danny."

"We have to tell everybody. It's just that we didn't say anything about surgery after the appointment last week so they're gonna be upset. And I'm having enough trouble dealing with this myself without having to talk to anyone else about it. I don't care what Dr. Hanson says, I'm scared, Billy."

"I know you are, baby. It's only natural. But Dr. Hanson seemed to know what he was talking about and was pretty matter-of-fact about it so maybe it isn't really a big deal."

"Maybe, but right now I just want to take a nap and escape. Will you hold me for a while, Billy?"

"Nothing I'd rather do, white boy."

Danny fell asleep in my arms almost as soon as we lay down. In spite of what I'd just said, I was scared too. My beautiful Danny was in danger and there was nothing I could do except love him. I just lay there and listened to him breathe, comforted by the feel of him. After a while I heard Aunt Connie's car pull in the driveway and decided to go down and break the news.

Aunt Connie and Lucy both freaked out. I explained everything the way Dr. Hanson told it to us and tried to make it sound like as minor a procedure as I could but they were still upset.

"Why didn't you boys tell us this last week? Why do you feel the need to keep secrets? You know we love you."

"Yeah, Billy, you should be able to tell us anything."

"I know we've held things back in the past but we weren't trying to do that this time. We really believed that the medicine was all that Danny needed. We wanted to believe that so much. And we're as nervous about this as you are."

"I'm sure you are. I didn't mean to sound angry with you. But you shouldn't keep so much to yourselves. Sometimes it helps to be able to talk about things. You and Danny have to learn that it's okay to share your burdens with those who love you."

"Thanks, Aunt Connie. I know we're all worried but Danny is really scared. I think we need to reassure him as much as possible and not let on how worried we are."

"I think you're right, Billy. After all that poor kid went through at the end of the school year, now he has to deal with this. He must be about to fall apart."

"Actually, Lucy, he's just being Danny. He hurts, he's scared, but he keeps on going. It takes a lot to stop that guy."

Danny was admitted to the hospital at noon yesterday. We gave them his father's Blue Cross card. What the hell, it worked in February, maybe it was still good. If not, we're making good money at The Restaurant. Sooner or later we can pay the bills. Danny spent most of the afternoon in different departments having tests done. I stayed in the room and worried. When they brought him back to his room he was wearing a funny little blue cap on his head.

"You look like you're wearing a baby bonnet. Take that silly thing off, Danny."

"I don't think so, Billy. It's pretty ugly underneath. It looks like someone's been playing tic-tac-toe on my head."

I laughed, pulled the cap off and gasped without meaning to. All of his thick beautiful blonde hair was gone. They'd shaved his head and drawn lines and circles and arrows all over it with some kind of marking pen.

"I know, I'm ugly and scary. Put the cap back on, Billy." He sounded so down.

"You could never be ugly, Danny. You're always beautiful no matter what. But I'll admit all of that writing is kind of scary."

I got the cap back on just as Mark walked in the room. He and Joe had offered to work our shift last night and tonight so I could be with Danny. He stayed a few minutes and then had to leave to get the train. Not long after he left Aunt Connie arrived. She visited for a while until Brad and Lucy got there. They stayed until almost the end of visiting hours, leaving a little early to give Danny and me a few minutes alone.

"I asked them if I could stay with you tonight but they said it was against the rules."

"Yeah, I figured. Too bad there isn't an orderly like that guy Oscar working here."

"Yeah. They did say I could come in real early tomorrow to see you before you go to surgery. Are you gonna be okay, baby?"

"I guess I have to be. And there are all kinds of people around here to take care of me. What about you? We haven't spent a night apart since Christmas."

"It's gonna be really empty at the apartment without you, but don't worry about me. I'll miss you horribly, but I'll survive. I love you, Danny."

"I love you, too, Billy."

Oh God, it was so hard to walk out of that room.

I don't think I got any sleep at all last night. I remember tossing and turning and looking at the clock all night. I finally got up at five, got myself ready and walked over to the hospital. It was early so no one gave me any hassles going in and once I got to Danny's room the staff was okay with my being there. Danny was awake and ready to be taken to the operating room. He had that stupid hat on and an IV hooked up to his arm. He was scheduled for surgery at seven so we didn't have much time.

"Hey, baby, how'd you sleep?" I grabbed his hand and held it tight.

"Not too good, Billy. How about you?

"Same here. I guess you're gonna have to get better real fast and come home. We can't sleep without each other."

"Yeah, I guess. Billy?"

"Yeah, Danny?"

"It's gonna be okay, isn't it? Tell me I'm gonna be okay."

"Of course you are, Danny. You heard the doctor. There nothing to it. It just sounds worse than it really is. You'll be home feeling great in no time."

"I hope so. Are you sure I'm doing the right thing?"

"Yeah, Danny, I'm sure. You have to get this fixed. You'll feel so much better afterward."

"Thanks for being strong for me, Billy. I couldn't get through this without you."

"It'll all be over in a few hours, baby. Just keep thinking that."

Two orderlies came in pushing a stretcher and positioned it on the other side of the bed. They helped Danny slide over onto the stretcher and wheeled him out of the room. I walked along side and went down in the elevator with them. When we got off the elevator they turned to the right and directed me down the hall to the left to the waiting room.

"Be strong, Danny. You're gonna do fine."

"I love you, Billy."

The orderlies gawked as I leaned over and kissed Danny. Fuck 'em. I just stood there and watched as they pushed Danny down the hall. I felt like my world was falling apart. I thought, 'No way I'm gonna make it through this day.'

Aunt Connie

Brad arrived at the house at six-thirty as Lucy and I were getting ready to leave for the hospital. Lucy let him in the back door and gave him a kiss. Then he came over to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. It's taken her a while but I think she's found herself a good man.

"Hey, Aunt Connie, I didn't know teachers were allowed to play hooky."

"We're allowed to take days off now and then, Bradley. Besides, it looks like I'm not the only one playing hooky."

"Yeah, well I've been working summers there for years so they cut me a little slack when I need time off. Especially when I told them how important this is."

"Why don't we go see if Billy's ready to go, Brad?"

"Don't bother, Lucy. I saw him leave on foot over an hour ago when I was just getting up. I have a feeling he didn't sleep much last night."

We rode the mile to the hospital in silence. I know Lucy's not an early riser and Brad seemed a bit sleepy, but I think we were all lost in thought. Mark was waiting for us in the hospital lobby. He greeted us each with a hug.

"Damn, cuz, you look like shit."

"Thanks a lot, Brad. Don't forget I was working in the city until midnight. I only had four hours sleep. What's your excuse?"

"Be nice, boys. Let's go down to the surgery waiting room and see if Billy's there. I think he's going to need his friends today."

We had been in the waiting room a few minutes when Billy came in. He looked genuinely surprised to see us.

"What are you all doing here?" Brad, Aunt Connie, don't you have to work? And you must be wiped out, Mark."

"You're right about that, Billy, but I can sleep later when Danny's okay. We all wanted to be here with you this morning."

"Thanks, guys. You didn't have to come but I'm glad you did. Danny will be happy when he sees you all here later."

Time passed so slowly. The kids talked about everything but Danny, trying to act as natural as possible, but there were more long silences than conversation. I'm so proud of the way they're here for their friend but I can see how much this is getting to them.

As time passed, Billy became more restless, pacing all over the room. He looked like hell and I didn't know how he was managing to hold himself together. It was so hard to see him like that. Danny's the one who wears his heart on his sleeve, whose emotions are right on the surface. While Billy is warm and loving to those close to him, he maintains a protective shell and keeps his emotions private. I think Danny is the only one he really lets in. Around eight fifteen he headed for the hall.

"I'm sorry guys, I think I need some air. Dr. Hanson said it would be at least two hours. I'll be back within a half hour."

"You want some company, Billy?"

"Thanks, Luce, but I'll be okay. I just need to walk a bit."

After a few minutes I decided a little prayer wouldn't hurt and told the kids I was going to the chapel. I spent a lot of time there during my Evan's last stay here and I knew what a comfort it could be. When I entered I thought the room was empty but then I heard sobbing from the front. I walked down the aisle and there was Billy, kneeling with his head in his hands, shaking all over. I sat next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. He took his hands away from his face and looked up at me, tears streaming down his face.

"Oh God, Aunt Connie, I can't handle this. Danny just has to be okay. I love him so much."

"I know, Billy. He loves you too. You've been so good for him through all of this. I'm sure he's going to be fine."

Billy got up and sat next to me and fell into my arms, still crying. I just held him for several minutes until he finally calmed down.

"Thanks, Aunt Connie. You're so good to us. I'm sorry I'm such a mess."

"You have every right to be, Billy, but you should never feel sorry for showing how much love and concern is in you."

"I think I'm under control now. We'd better be getting back. The surgery should be over soon."

Billy

I can't believe I fell apart that way and Aunt Connie walked in on it. I knew I wasn't holding together very well and I thought about Mama and her praying and the peace it seemed to give her so I thought it was worth a shot. But as soon as I started I just lost it. At least Aunt Connie didn't make a big deal about it. She just held me until it passed.

About half an hour after we got back to the waiting room Dr. Hanson walked in. I could hardly bring myself to look at his face and when I did he looked a little more serious than I was hoping.

"So how did it go, doc?"

"Very well, actually, Bill. Based on the amount of blood we drained the hematoma was a lot larger than I thought. He must have been in a tremendous amount of pain. But it's all over now. There were no complications or surprises, except for the size of the hematoma. Dan's in the recovery room, still asleep, but he should be waking up soon. Would you like to see him?"

"Would I? You'd better believe it!"

I was shown into the recovery room and immediately saw Danny lying on a stretcher off to one side. I stood next to him and held his hand lightly. In place of the ugly cap he had a gauze bandage wrapped around his head. I just stared at him, wishing I could kiss him all over. After a few minutes, he opened his eyes a little.

"Hey, white boy."

His lips formed the tiniest smile.

"Hey, black boy."

He closed his eyes again and for a minute I thought he'd gone back to sleep. Suddenly, his grip tightened on my hand and his eyes flew open. His whole body started to shake violently. The look in his eyes was one of absolute terror.

"Nurse! Doctor! Somebody, help! We need help over here!"

People came running from all over. They held Danny down and pushed me out of the way.

"I'm sorry, you have to leave now. Please go back to the waiting room."

"NO! He needs me. I can't leave him like this. What's happening?"

"He's having convulsions. There's nothing you can do here but be in the way. You have to go back to the waiting room."

An orderly took my arm and practically dragged me out of the recovery room. Dr. Hanson rushed past us in the doorway heading straight for Danny. What I was feeling must have shown on my face because Lucy came rushing over to me as soon as I got back into the waiting room.

"What happened, Billy? Dr. Hanson just ran through here. Is Danny okay?"

"No. He's having some kind of convulsions. He woke up and seemed okay, but then went into these terrible spasms. He looked scared to death."

Brad came over, wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.

"He's gonna be okay, Billy. I just know it. He's a tough kid."

We all sat there in silence for what seemed like an hour but was probably only ten minutes. Dr. Hanson finally came back in. I jumped up so fast I practically knocked him over.

"What happened, doc? Is Danny all right?"

"He had a seizure, Billy. The hematoma had caused a great deal of pressure on the brain for quite a long time. The seizure was a reaction to the reduction in pressure. It probably won't happen again."

"Probably? Can I see him, doc? I've gotta see that he's all right. He looked so scared."

"I'm sorry, Bill. They've taken him to Intensive Care for observation."

"Intensive Care? That sounds really bad. I thought you said he was gonna be okay."

"It's just a precaution. They can keep a closer eye on him in ICU. If everything goes well he'll be back in a regular room tomorrow."

"Well, where's ICU? I've got to see him."

"I'm sorry, Bill. I've made a lot of exceptions for you because it's obvious how close you two are, but that would be against hospital policy. Only immediate family is allowed in ICU."

"But he doesn't have any family, just me. And he's so scared. You can't leave him alone in there."

"I'm afraid there's nothing I can do, Bill."

We all just stood there in silence for a minute. Finally, Aunt Connie spoke up.

"Would they let his mother in to see him, doctor?"

"Sure, no problem there."

"Then point me towards ICU. I want to see my son."

Dr. Hanson looked at her for a few seconds, and then smiled.

"That'll work."

Danny

Who would've thought that being pushed down those stairs by a couple of homophobic jerks would do so much to mess up my life, our life? I thought it was over when my head and wrist healed last winter. But it came back at the end of the semester with Ken, Vince and Gary. Then I thought it was over when we came home, but the headaches started. I kept thinking it was over but it just got worse. Dr. Hanson was so reassuring the first time I saw him. I thought all I had to do was take some pills and it would all be behind me. I should've known better.

When I didn't feel better after a couple of days I was nervous but I didn't say anything to Billy. I wanted the medicine to work so badly. I thought maybe if I just tried to ignore the pain and get on with my life it might go away in a few more days. No way was I going to miss a weekend of work. But I was so glad when Billy and Mark each took one of my tables Friday night. I just couldn't do it. I was having enough trouble just staying on my feet all night. I gave Billy an argument over not going to work on Saturday but I was glad he insisted.

Dr. Hanson wasn't very comforting Monday when he talked about the surgery. He'd sounded just as confident last week when he said the medicine would do the trick so I had a hard time believing him. But I didn't have much choice so we scheduled the surgery. It's funny, all I could think about was the drill. I guess that's only natural but I usually worry about everything possible and then some.

It wasn't until Billy was about to leave last night that it sunk in that I was going to be in the hospital several nights without him. I mean, I knew I had to be here for several days to recover after the surgery, but I hadn't really thought about the nights. After he left I just lay there staring at the ceiling, feeling terribly alone. I tried to imagine him lying next to me like he did after I fell but it didn't work.

When I hadn't fallen asleep by midnight the nurse gave me a pill. I did sleep after that, but I had bad dreams all night. They woke me up early and got me ready for surgery. Billy looked really bad when he got there but really good too. He didn't look like he'd gotten any sleep at all. But he was so sweet and made me feel a little better. Once I was in the operating room I just closed my eyes and pictured Billy's face until they put the mask over my mouth and nose.

I woke up and wasn't quite sure where I was. I just didn't feel right. But when I opened my eyes there was Billy's beautiful face. He looked worried but he was smiling.

"Hey, white boy."

"Hey, black boy."

I felt so tired. I closed my eyes and then I started to shake uncontrollably. I looked up and saw panic on Billy's face. It was like every muscle in my body was jerking and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Several people were holding me down but it just went on and on. Finally it stopped and I just lay there feeling exhausted. Dr. Hanson was at my side shining that little flashlight of his in my eyes.

"What was that, doctor? What happened to me?"

"It was a seizure, Dan. It's not very common in cases like yours, but not altogether unheard of. I doubt it will happen again, but I'm putting you on some medicine to prevent it just in case. And I think you should spend 24 hours in ICU to be on the safe side."

"But you said I was gonna be okay."

"You will be, Dan. I know that must have been frightening but try not to worry about it. You'll be just fine."

I remembered from my summer job at St. Barnabas the visitation rules for ICU, which meant I was on my own for 24 hours. So I lay on the bed in Intensive Care, closed my eyes and did just what Dr. Hanson told me not to do. I worried.

"Your mother's here to see you, Daniel."

I looked up, puzzled. A nurse was standing at the foot of the bed.

"It's not visiting hours but since you just got out of surgery we'll make an exception. But only for a few minutes."

She stepped aside and Aunt Connie walked in with a smile on her face.

"You're looking wonderful, son. How are you feeling?"

"Not too bad, but just a little confused."

She looked around to see where the nurse had gone.

"They wouldn't let Billy in and he was worried about you. We all were. And Billy and Lucy sure couldn't pass as your immediate family so I told them I was your mother. Really, Danny, how are you?"

"My head's sore but it doesn't hurt. Other than that I'm okay. I guess I'm more scared than anything else. That seizure was horrible."

"Dr. Hanson thinks that was a reaction that won't happen again. And you're here where you'll have excellent care so try to relax and rest."

"I will, 'Mom'. I just wish they'd let Billy in to see me. Is he all right?"

"He's holding up. Don't worry, I'm keeping an eye on him."

"Thanks. I hope he can get some sleep. He looked tired."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Stephens, but you'll have to leave now. You can come back for visiting hours at three."

"I will, nurse. Try to rest, Danny. I'll come back later and bring your brother Brad."