Jose Spreads His Wings
By Ben
Chapter Three
Jose sat up straight, his eyes wide in surprise. "I am so sorry, Enrique. I have never done that before." He stood up and rushed to the desk where he started gathering up his books.
"What are you doing? Asked Enrique.
"I must leave. I am so sorry." Jose was blushing in embarrassment. He tried to make his way to the door but he had become disoriented in his shock from what had just occurred. He opened a door to find that it led into the bedroom that he had seen from the bathroom. He turned and looked and Enrique, confused and helpless, expecting to see loathing in his expression. What he saw, instead, was amusement.
"Why must you leave, Jose? Is it the kiss? Have you never kissed before? Enrique inquired.
Jose could not hold eye contact with him. He hung his head and shook it slightly from side to side.
Enrique was totally captivated by this shy, inexperienced young man. He stood and walked over to Jose and touched his arm. Jose jumped and almost dropped his books. "Hey amigo," Enrique said in a calming voice. "It's alright. You didn't do anything wrong. I wanted for you to kiss me. I wanted to kiss you, also."
Jose looked into his eyes for reassurance. "Really?" He asked hopefully. "Then you are not angry with me or think that I am filthy or profane?"
Enrique smiled his amazing smile. "Oh no, not at all. It was a very nice kiss. May I have another?"
Hesitantly Jose bent to press his lips against those of Enrique once again. He began feeling warm and when Enrique's arms encircled his waist, he dropped his books to the floor and returned the embrace. Jose parted his lips to admit Enrique's tongue. It was alive and tasted sweet. He used his own tongue engage it. He felt his erection build again and broke the embrace to prevent Jose from feeling it.
"Que pasa?" Asked Enrique. He looked down at where Jose was trying in vain to hide his hard on with his hand. "Oh, I see." He said in an understanding way. "It is okay, Jose. See. I am hard too. It is only natural, mi amigo. You are a very good kisser."
"But..." began Jose. "...it is wrong for me...to feel...this way about you. Padre told me it is sinful."
There was silence between them for a moment, The Enrique said, "Jose, did the kiss really feel sinful to you?"
Jose looked up from the floor. "No, No Enrique, it did not. It felt very natural, and ... wonderful."
Enrique moved closer to him. "Then you have nothing to feel guilty about." He started to embrace again, but Jose stopped him.
I am sorry, Enrique, but I am confused. I need time to think about all of this. I hope you understand." Jose said miserably.
"Si, mi amigo. I do understand. I will keep a respectable distance until you decide what is right for you. I only hope to remain your friend."
"Of that you can be assured. I do not blame you for anything." Jose explained.
"Bueno." Said Enrique. "Then please sit down. Are you sure you wouldn't like something to drink?"
"Perhaps, now I would. Do you have Coca-Cola?"
"Si, and I will have one also." They sat and talked, with just a little distance and awkwardness between them. Soon it was time for Enrique's class and he dropped Jose off on the way. Jose Walked up the steps to his third floor dorm room. He heard the loud music long before he got to the door, which was wide open.
Two of his roommates were already there, eating pizza and talking loudly to be heard over the music blaring from the boom box sitting on HIS bunk. There would be no studying done here; at least not now. Jose decided to try the campus library. He left all but the few books he needed and made his way downstairs.
On the way to the library, Jose passed the chapel. He had attended mass there the previous Sunday. He had been impressed with the young priest who gave the message and conducted communion. He wondered if he was available to talk.
Making his way inside, he passed the confessionals. He really needed to talk and wasn't sure about what had transpired between himself and Enrique. He sat down and slid the curtain shut. Hearing the small door open he began, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned...I think."
After a moment of silence, the voice he remembered from mass came through the opening. "Do you have a question, then?" How may I help you?"
"Father I have been told that though which I have are unclean. And today I did something that I have been told is wrong, but it did not feel wrong at all." Jose said.
" Do you want to tell me about these thoughts and about what happened?" The priest offered.
"Si, I mean yes, Father. I have had feelings and ... fantasies..." Jose's voice faded
"Sexual fantasies?" coaxed the Father.
"Yes."
"I would say that's fairly normal for a young man such as yourself."
"But... there is more."
"Please, go on then."
"These fantasies involve other ... men, Father." Jose was so embarrassed.
Another moment of silence. "You have homosexual fantasies?"
"Si, Father."
"I see. And how long have you been having these thoughts and fantasies."
"A long time, years."
"Do you have fantasies involving women?" Asked the priest.
"No, I do not."
"Tell me about what happened today."
Well, Father, I... kissed another man." Jose wanted to crawl away.
"Just kissing, nothing more?"
"Nothing more."
"Alright. That doesn't really sound so bad. How do you feel about it? How do you feel about the man you kissed?" Asked the Father.
"Oh, he is very nice. He is from my country, from Mexico."
"And you are attracted to him?"
"Si, Father I am."
"And the kiss was consensual?"
"Que? I do not understand." Said Jose.
"Did he want to kiss you, too? You did not force yourself on him?" The priest explained.
"Oh! No, he wanted to kiss me, too."
"And the kiss. How do you feel about that? Was it like your fantasy?"
"Ohhh!" Exhaled Jose. "It was so much better than I could have imagined."
The priest chuckled quietly to himself. "Then what is bothering you is that it was with another man."
"Si, Father. I have been taught that this is wrong." Jose said sadly.
"There are those that believe that to be true.' The priest said.
Jose was surprised. "And you Father. What do you believe?
"I believe it isn't a sin to kiss someone. Further. I believe that feelings that are natural are given to you for a reason. Beyond that, I don't know. I do know that you must make up your own mind."
Jose was just as confused as ever. He knew what Padre Pedro would have said. He would have been saying the rosary until his fingers bled. But this priest was different. He wasn't judgmental. He seemed to genuinely understand Jose and his feelings.
"Thank you, Father." Jose said quietly as he picked up his books and stood to leave.
"I will be praying for you. Would you let me know how you are doing from time to time?" Asked the priest.
"Si. I will visit with you again." Jose promised.
"Vaya con Dios, mi nino". The father said as he exited the confessional.
"Good night, Father."
Jose made his way to the library. He tried to study but his mind was whirling. He closed his book and strolled back to his dormitory. It was a warm night and the clear sky revealed millions of stars and a bright half-moon.
Stopping at the student lounge on the first floor, he picked up the handset on the pay phone. He dropped in his two coins and, referring to the number on the scrap of paper, he began pressing buttons.
"Hola?" Said the voice on the other end of the line.
"Enrique?" Jose spoke quietly.
"Si. Jose? Que pasa, mi amigo?"
You can find other stories I have written (mostly true accounts of my experiences) by clicking the "Authors" link and then scrolling down to find "Lyle Benton". You will see and index of my Nifty postings there. Enjoy! I love hearing from my "fans". Please email me at ben_sc@hotmail.com.
Thanks,
Ben