This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be very pure either! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of characters:
Ben Hastings -- That's me!
Bill "Bubba" Hastings -- My Dad
Veronica Hastings -- My Mom.
Reyna -- My Best Friend
Ranj Kumar-- My New friend
Jared -- A football whore.
From Chapter 6:
"Oh my sweet Ranj! What have I done? I'm so sorry!"
"Are you out of your mind? He said. That was one of the most fantastic orgasms I ever had."
"But weren't you in pain?"
"Ohhh yeah! It was hella good!" He said, and he winced from another stabbing pain.
"Can you make it to the bed?" I said.
He grimaced big time and he sat up. "Yeah, but -- come here and let me clean up that face of yours. I cummed all over it, didn't I? Hee hee!"
He licked all over my face, even in pain as he did it. He kissed my lips and I tasted the strong flavor of my own cum. It was like ambrosia! After that experience, I didn't ask again if he could play football next week!
Chapter 7:
Ranj's parents were not gone so long this time. We only had that one night that week. We pretty much kept a low profile during class and on campus.
Ranj and Bull avoided each other as much as possible, but of course they had to see each other at practice. Bull was both pissed and sheepish, knowing that Ranj KNEW about him and what pissed him the most was - he really couldn't be sure about his suspicions about Ranj. That and the fact that James had put a healthy fear in to the big boy, made him toe the line all week.
My dad was excited about the game up in Bakersfield. We had it planned to stay the night there, in a motel room, with two king beds. And of course Ranj was going to stay with us! We planned to sleep apart for my dad's sake, even though he knew about us.
Ranj was planning to come home with us, Sunday, but he had to go with the team to Bakersfield. That left me and my dad traveling together.
"Has Ranj told his team about -- himself -- yet?"
"I doubt it, Dad. I let him renege on that part of the promise, because it may affect the outcome of the game -- you know , a downer and all! But he promised to tell the team after the game."
"Good! He needs to have at least that kind of honesty with the team. There is another surprise happening after the game."
"What's that?" I asked.
"You'll find out!" Dad said, raising one eyebrow. I was a little worried.
The game was more exciting even than last week's game. Only if you knew about it, could you tell that Ranj was hurting. I saw him sitting on the bench once, when his team was in defense, rocking and holding his sides, obviously in intense pain. The coach leaned over -- obviously concerned -- and said something. Ranj shook his head.
Ranj was amazing. By the end of the game, neither Dad nor I had much of our voices left. Ranj caught a total of 23 successful passes, and two of them in the end zone! But the Bakersfield offense was also awesome. Their quarterback had to be a gymnast in his spare time, the way he could leap over those huge linemen. The score near the end of the 4th with 30 seconds to go was 35 to 36, with Cerritos in the lead. Everyone on both sides were on their feet.
Bakersfield had the ball, and they were 55 feet form the goal line. Down to the last 10 seconds, they could not gain an inch. Both teams were weaker in their defensive teams than offense. But the Cerritos defense was fighting valiantly. With 10 seconds left, on their fouth down, Cerritos was out maneuvered and Bakersfield kicked a 55 foot field goal -- right between the posts -- and won the game by one point! Absolutely heartbreaking for the Cerritos team. This pretty much assures that they can't make the playoffs!
Dad and I waited outside the away team's locker rooms, and when the team came drooping and slumping out, Ranj was about in the middle of them. He saw us and almost ran. He ran right past me and hugged my dad! He started talking faster than anyone could keep up or get a word in edgewise. Dad told him it wasn't his fault -- and all that crap that I could give a rat's ass about.
When I tapped him on the shoulder -- to remind him I was there for him too, he smiled and presented his fist for me to hit. I looked, amazed, at him. "You didn't tell them?" I said under my breath.
"I just couldn't when they were so bummed!" He whispered, apologetically.
"C'mon Dad!" I said, "It's late and we need to get back early in the morning!"
I turned and walked away. Dad followed, knowing exactly what just went down.
Ranj didn't even run after us! Dad and I walked in silence to the car, and then drove silently to the motel. My phone rang twice. It was Ranj's number. I didn't answer. He didn't have any idea where we were staying. I turned off my phone after the second call.
As soon as we were in the room, I lost it. I felt humiliated to cry so uncontrollably with my dad there. He also was helpless about what to do.
"Ahem! I'll just go -- take a shower, Ben. Will you -- be -- okay?" I couldn't answer, so I nodded. As soon as I heard the shower going I buried my face in one of the hard motel pillows and screamed as much and as loud as my already hoarse throat would scream. I HAD to get it -- SOMETHING -- out.
When Dad came out, I went into the bathroom. I ran a hot bath and after taking a long drink of cold water, I slipped into the hot water. I wanted to slip under and never come out again. But of course I couldn't do that.
I woke up sometime later, surrounded by coolish water. I got out and dried off, and went out and hopped in bed. I'm sure that Dad was awake, but he didn't know what to say to console a gay boy who lost his gay lover! I fell asleep but awoke several times. One of the times, Dad asked me if I was okay.
"I guess." I said. "Um -- what was the other surprise that you mentioned earlier?"
"Oh! Well -- Bull and his three roommates were arrested and taken away as soon as they left the field."
"Oh." Somehow I just didn't much care. Jared may be happy about it, though.
We didn't need to get up early, as I'd told Ranj. But when we awoke, we went to the restaurant next to the motel and surprisingly enough, I was very hungry. We finished and when on the road, Dad said, "Well, I think I have this figured out."
"Whaddaya mean?" I asked, hoping for any kind of reprieve from the pain in my chest.
"What you are feeling has to be -- well -- the same as if you were dumped by a girl you were in love with!"
"DUH, DAD!" I wanted to say. I remained silent.
"Benny, I feel terrible for you. I even feel bad for me! I really like Ranj! I had no idea that macho types could be homos."
"It's `gay', Dad."
"Doesn't seem very gay to me. Gay means happy."
"Fuck you!" I wanted to say. I remained silent. I knew he was trying.
"Anyway, for what it's worth, I kind of know what you're feeling."
I blinked and looked at him. "I've gotten hurt before!" he said defensively. "Like I was saying, it must be the same as if any guy -- well, actually I had to dump this one girl down in Texas. Well, I didn't HAVE to -- but yes -- I did! We were just not -- good for each other.
"She didn't agree. So it was me who dumped her. Kind of like you had to -- break up with Ranj. It hurt me more to do that, than it ever hurt when I was dumped. The guilt! Oh -- sorry. I know this is his fault, and -"
Right at that moment, we passed Ranj! He was standing on the road, his thumb in the air. Dad and I looked at each other. "We have to go back!" Dad said.
"NOOooo!" I pleaded.
"We can't leave him there like that. He could get picked up by some weirdo!"
We went back. He got in the back seat. I was in the front with Dad.
"Ben -- I tried to call you last night."
"Ranj." I stated. "We picked you up so that you wouldn't possibly get picked up by some strange weirdo. That's all! Please don't talk!
"I -- couldn't ride back with the team."
"Did you tell them?" I asked.
"No, but - "
"Then there's nothing more to be said." I said, quietly.
I slumped down in my seat, all of a sudden very tired. I turned the radio to the first station that came in. I closed my eyes. I couldn't help hearing the sniffling in the back seat -- as I am sure Dad heard too.
I didn't sleep, but I don't think he knew it.
When we pulled up to Ranj's gate, dad insisted in driving him all the way to his house. When he got out, I couldn't help noticing that his house looked deserted. No Mercedes in the driveway. He got out and then opened my door. He grimaced and moaned as he squatted down next to me. "Please come in for awhile, Ben. I'll take you home." His eyes were red from crying, but they were dry at the moment.
My dad gave me a sidelong look. I couldn't tell what it meant. "I -- I -- no! I better not." I said.
"Okay. Bye." He said, and he grabbed the door to help himself up, letting out a small cry and grabbing his side. He walked slowly up his driveway, his head drooping. He turned and looked one last time and mouthed something -- I think it was "I love you". He let himself into the house and closed the door. Dad didn't move the car.
"Don't you think you were awfully hard on him, Ben?"
"I'm glad you like him, Dad."
"Don't you?"
"Dad -- I don't! I love him, but right now I don't like him very much."
"Ben -- you gotta give him something."
"Huh?"
"You're leaving him with no alternative."
"I gave him an alternative two weeks ago -- and then again last week. And -- really -- last night."
"But, Ben -- you love him. You didn't tell him that."
"He knows." I said.
"I think that right now he thinks you hate him."
"Oh, no! I could never hate him!"
"Then I think you ought to tell him at least that."
I looked deeply into my dad's eyes. He was being the dad that I never experienced before. Maybe I should take his advice -- this once. I dialed his number -- knowing very well that he saw that we were still out here.
"Hi."
"Ranj -- I don't hate you."
"Thanks. I don't hate you either. Um -- my mom's here, can I call you back?"
"No need. I just wanted you to know that."
"That you don't hate me?"
"That's all."
"Then that's all I expect. I'm sorry you are so disappointed in me. If it matters, I'm disappointed in myself, too. Bye."
"Bye."
"And oh - - ?"
"Yeah?"
"I -- love you."
I paused maybe too long, before saying, "Me to." And I hung up.
"You told him, `Me too'?" Dad said.
"Dad!" I complained.
"I know what he said to you, to get that response! That was hard for him."
"What am I SUPPOSED to do?" I said in exasperation.
"I guess I can't tell you what to do."
"And what would you do, Pop?" I said way too flippantly.
Ignoring my tone, dad simply said, "I'd go up to the door and tell him that you love him. Then give him another chance to come back with some kind of decent response."
I hung my head low and let out a blast of air. I did it again, and then a third time. I was trying not to cry! I pulled the door handle up and opened the door. I got up and walked to Ranj's front door. I knocked, truly expecting that he would be there, ready to open it.
After a rather long wait, the door opened. Ranj opened the door a crack. Behind him, I saw a very beautiful dark skinned lady. She had a red spot in the middle of her forehead, and she was crying.
"I just told my mother that I'm gay, Ben. Can I call you later?" He whispered.
"You -- you DID?"
"Yes. She -- I gotta go, Ben! I gotta figure out how I'm gonna break it to my father."
"Is this the boy?" His mother asked, from across the room.
Ranj looked at me. "Are you the boy?" He asked. I looked at his mother and then started to study the intricate pattern on the tile entry floor. "I hope he is!" Said Ranj.
"He's not even Indian." She said, gravely, sniffed, elevated her nose in the air, and turned and walked into another room.
"Can I call you -- later?" He said to me.
"Yeah." I said, and turned on my heel and walked away. I heard the door slam loudly and looked back. He was standing outside the door. His head was hanging low, but he looked at me from under his heavy brow. I ran back and threw my arms around him.
"Easy -- easy! He said, grimacing.
"Ohh! Sorry!" I said. I let him lead the way. He carefully enclosed me with his arms. I lay my head on his hairy chest. And closed my eyes.
He whispered, barely audibly in my ear, "Words would spoil this. I'll call you later."
"Okay,' I whispered. "I -- love you, Ranj!"
He grinned impishly. "Me too!" He said.
I ran back to Dad's car and jumped in.
"I guessed something good happened." Said Dad.
"Yeah. Thanks." I said.
"Thanks?"
"For making me go in there."
"I didn't make you do anything."
I just gave him a sidelong look -- and a smirk. I think I'm gonna like my dad, now that he's gotten so smart!
After dinner my cell phone rang. It was Ranj. I excitedly answered. "Hi!!"
"hi." He answered, very subdued.
"What's wrong, Ranj?"
"Have to see you."
It didn't sound good!
"Your place or mine?" I asked.
"Can we go somewhere to talk?"
"Wo! Sounds - - serious."
"It is."
"Come on over and we can go out for a walk -- or something."
"I can't."
"Huh? But you just said - "
"They took my car away. Can you come get me?"
"Of course! Be right there!"
"I'll be waiting outside the gate."
I told my parents where I was headed and took off.
He was waiting outside the gate dressed as he was the first time I saw him -- in a navy pullover parka with the hood over the top of a baseball cap. I stopped the car and he gingerly let himself in.
"I dunno what to do." He said, and tears started streaming down his cheeks.
"What -- about?" I asked.
"They said I can't see you any more." He said. "They said if I try to carry on anything with you, they'll cut me off."
"Oh." I started the car. I knew that an 18 and 23 year old would need help with this one. "Would you mind talking to my parents, Ranj?"
"I love your parents. But can we just -- go somewhere and -- make out or something -- for awhile? I really need to -- to -- have you hold me -- or something."
So we went to a deserted park and walked behind a building and hugged - - and kissed - - and cried.
Back at home, sitting in front of my parents, I said, "You're 23 years old. Can't you make this decision on your own?"
"Technically, he IS an adult, Benny, but as long as he lives with his parents, he has to obey their rules. What else is at stake, Ranj?"
"They're paying for my education, and - "
"Huh?" Said my mom. "How much can it cost to go to Cerritos College?"
"I don't have to work. They provide me a car. They will pay for university -- of my choice. Their immigrant status helps them get me anywhere -- ANYWHERE -- as long as they can pay for it -- and they can!"
"Well, it looks like it's your decision, then." Said my dad. "Is it worth it to give up being yourself -- for three more years -- to get your education? Hey, no judgment here. But that's the decision. Ranj, We -- I -- really like you, and even though we wish that you and Ben were not gay -- you are! And being that way, I would love it if you were the one that Ben could spend his life with." Dad paused for a breath. "But - - the chances are -- and try to be realistic here -- is that you WON'T end up together. Ben's only eighteen. And you're young for your age - "
"Immature -- I know!"
"Anyway, let's just say that you and Ben ARE capable of being lifelong partners. That being the case -- three years is really short. Shorter than you realize."
"There's more." Said Ranj.
"More what?" Dad said.
"I don't have any brothers -- or sisters. If I choose to be gay - "
"Now THAT'S one I have come to realize is impossible! You cannot choose to be gay -- or not!" Said Dad.
"If I choose to LIVE as a homosexual, I will lose $5,000,000."
"Take the money. I'm not worth that!" I said, bitterly.
"Now, wait a minute, Ben -- Ranj!" Said Dad. "How old are your parents, Ranj?"
"My mom is 39 and my dad is 52."
"So they could hold this over your head for most of your productive life?"
"Yeah." He said forlornly.
"Okay, here is where a little age and maturity comes in handy. Ranj -- Ben -- NO amount of money is worth giving up LIVING for. Do you want easy money or happiness?"
"Ranj, believe us," my mom added, "Money can make some things more comfortable, but it CAN'T make you happy."
"I don't want to sugar coat this either, Ranj." Dad continued. "The chances of you and Ben making it -- statistically -- are very slim. But it's not about that! I'm trying to put myself in your shoes. If my parents -- or someone -- told me that if I chose to live as a homosexual they would give me 5 million dollars -- or fifty million for that matter -- I would not take it. Is this any different? That's rhetorical. The answer is no!"
"So you think -- not even considering Ben and me -- I should tell them to chuck it -- and do as I please?"
"I'm not telling you anything, Ranj. I am only giving you something real to consider before you make your decision."
"I do love my parents." He said.
"I hope so! But they can't dictate your life."
"I know. I have cousins in India -- they can't do anything on their own. Their parents tell them who and when to marry. My father and mother's parents made an agreement long before mom was even born -- that if she was a girl -- they would marry. Dad was 28 when he married my mom at fifteen. I was born when she was 16."
"Is that what you want? Tell me, Ranj. Are your parents happy?"
"Probably as happy as most Indians."
"This is America. Is that what you want. To carry on this Indian tradition?"
"NO!"
"Have your parents already chosen someone for you?"
"Yes. She's 10 years old. She thinks she loves me already."
"And how fair would it be to her to have to marry a man who would rather go to bed with her brother?"
"I know! I've wondered about that."
"You're a man now -- and as such, you have been compelled to make some hard decisions in the last couple weeks. It's not easy, is it? Another rhetorical question. Anyway, you now have to make the hardest decision -- maybe -- of your life. Don't make it lightly. Consider all of the consequences." Then Dad looked at me. "and, Ben, give him time to make it!"
I felt bad now that I had been so hard on him for the last few weeks. I had no idea what he was dealing with.
I took Ranj home and before he got out, he kissed me good bye. I watched him as he keyed in the gate code and he waved as he walked in.
With tears in my eyes, I watched as the gate took the view of him from my eyes. I have already made my decision. But I am not going to tell him until he makes his.
Notes: Decisions -- decisions! The older we get, the harder they get! What would a 23-year-old decide differently than an 18-year-old? What would I decide -- in either boys shoes - - knowing what I know now?" Comments are welcome, to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and -- love, Steve