This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be very pure either! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of characters:
Ben Hastings -- That's me!
Bill "Bubba" Hastings -- My Dad
Veronica Hastings -- My Mom.
Reyna -- My Best Friend
Ranj Kumar-- Another friend
Jared -- A football whore.
Rex Majors -- Ranj's roommate.
Everett Majors - Rex's younger brother
Mick and Mack Majors - The twins
Kirby and Wyatt -- the youngest Majors
Etienne Croissant -- Salesman
Alan Randall -- Dad's friend
Al Randall -- Alan's son.
From Chapter 38:
"Ben?" Said Al.
"Yeah?"
"Today was -- awesome. Don't worry about a thing!"
"'Kay." I said weakly.
"Are we best friends?" It was not a question, but more of a reminder.
"Yeah -- if it's okay with you." I said.
"Good. Just don't sweat it. G'night, best friend." I could hear his grin. I marveled that he was so lonely before we met.
"G'night Al -- um -- best friend." I could even hear the grin on my own face.
We both turned over and just before I slipped into my dream, he sounded like an echo: "I never had a best friend before. I think I'm gonna like it. I already do! Thanks for being honest with me and -- sharing with me. Maybe before the week is out I can do the same with you."
"M-hm." I said, before drifting off into a dream about what he may have meant by that last statement.
I think He whispered, one more time, "G'night," as he touched my naked arm, then turned away from me.
Chapter 39
We got our wake up call at 2:30 as promised. I sat bolt up. "Bikes!" I said, alarmed.
"Huh?" Said Al, reaching across me to turn on the light.
"We have to have our own bikes!" I said. Where're we gonna get `em?"
"Already handled, Ben. See what having a best friend can do for you?"
"I'm glad you're on top of it, anyway!" I said.
"I gotcha covered!" Al said, rubbing his eyes and smiling.
He punched in Red and Ev's phone number. "Time to rise and shine!" Said Al, cheerfully. "Yeah, I know, slugs! But we have to meet the bus in 15 minutes, so get dressed and meet us in the entry right away!"
We were picked up at our condo by the company who was taking us up to the top of the Haleakala volcano. They took us to their base office and hooked up to a trailer while we had sweet roles and hot chocolate. "Hey! I'm Tony. You the guys with your own bikes?" Said a cute guy in a sweater.
"Yeah." Answered Al. "Did they deliver the bikes?"
"Yeah. We put them in first -- which means they will come out last. That way the others will be too busy adjusting to their bikes and testing them to see how much better yours are. Heehee. I hope that's not too much of an inconvenience."
"Perfect." Said Al. "Thanks."
"Will you be stopping for lunch with us? It's paid for." I for one was hoping that somehow we were. I wanted to get to know Tony better!
"Naw -- We'll be far enough ahead that -- well -- you got the idea."
"Yeah -- just had to offer it to you. I mean there is no refund or - "
"Not a problem, Dude." Then Tony looked at me for the first time. He nodded and looked away and then looked again -- I think -- hope -- to see if I was still looking. I was. He smiled and looked down. I smiled too, but too late for him to see.
"OKAY EVERYONE!" Said Tony. This is Pete. He'll be your driver on the way up. Since he'll be busy driving -- I'll be the one talking."
Goody!
"You will be given extra warm outer clothing to wear, because it is cold at 10,000 feet -- even in Maui. Leggings, a jacket and warm gloves. You'll need it. During the ride, we'll stop a few times to gather in the layers as you shed them, and give you a chance to take pictures or use the toilets -- depending on where we stop.
Then he looked directly at me. "I assume you boys brought your own clothing - - ?" He winked at me. This time I made sure he saw my return smile. He smiled even wider and stared into my eyes. This time it was I who looked away. I looked directly into Al's eyes.
Al whispered, "Maybe you'd rather stay with the group?"
My stomach churned. Part of me really did want to bike with the regular group - - and Tony. But another part of me wanted to be with my friends on this significant excursion. My tummy was nervous all the time the sun was coming up over the volcano's caldera. The sunrise was spectacular, but it would have been better for me if I wasn't so divided over what to do.
I was just about to opt for the group - - and Tony -- when I heard him tell the group that the least confident riders ride in the front -- where he will be. That made my decision. I followed Red, Ev and Al out of the parking lot -- not knowing if I'd ever see Tony again. I looked back just as we were going around the first curve and down out of view and Tony was looking at me. He waved and I did also as I disappeared. I think he had a smile of regret on his face. I know I did.
Even in the early morning light, the view from 10,000 feet up the side Of Haleakala was spectacular, as we cycled the many switchbacks. Deep shadows from the high volcano not only dominated the valley, but each turn that we came to. The group riders were required to wear heavy helmets not unlike many motorcyclists wear. We had no such requirements, but Al made me wear a regular light weight bicycling head gear. We all wore them.
Some of the long sections between switchbacks allowed us to get going pretty fast -- something we would not have been able to do if we were with the group. We flew down about a third the mountain in probably about half the time that the group did. We didn't even see them when we stopped because of course they were stopping too -- at picture spots.
We were riding, cruising and laughing like a bunch of 12-year-olds. We came to one long stretch after a switchback and as if by common consent we raced to the next one. All but one of the straight-aways were down hill, so it was easy to gain speed quickly.
Al was way out in front at the end of the straight-away, and skidded - brody style -- to a stop to wait and laugh at the rest of us stragglers. "You suck!" Laughed Red as we caught up.
"Actually I'm the only one who doesn't!" Laughed Al.
The next few long straight-aways, we did basically the same thing, Al always riding faster than the rest of us -- and not letting us forget it. He came to his brodey stop once, a wide grin on his face. But suddenly his grin turned to surprise, as his bike tire slipped on some gravel. He put his foot out to stop the slide and tumbled over, because his speed was more than he expected.
The mountain side wasn't too steep, but still, Al went bike-over-head and ended up on his side about 25 yards down the side of the mountain. I threw my bike aside and ran down to him. His chin was bloody and he was gingerly touching his wrist. His face was streaked with sweat and dirt and - - blood. His knees were both covered in gravel and blood and dirt. He looked up at me apologetically. Then he felt his wrist and cried out, then moaned. "I think I broke it!" He cried.
I suppressed my own cry, as I told him, "Don't make it worse than it is yet. Um -- are you okay here?" I looked up to Ev and Red who were still standing at the top. I took out my cell phone. "No service. Are you okay here for a moment?"
"Yeah." He said, clearly in a lot of pain by now.
"I'll go higher and see if the cell has better reception."
I climbed up the embankment -- which seemed much steeper going up -- and as I neared the top, Red said, Mine doesn't have coverage either. Look, Let me go down to him and you and Ev walk in opposite directions, and find a place where we can call from.
Red scaled the embankment more cautiously that I had and I walked up as Ev walked downhill trying to get a signal. I walked about 10 minutes, wishing I was riding -- then finally I got one bar showing on my phone. I was about to call 911 when around the bend came Tony, with the slowest riders right behind him.
As soon as Tony saw me on foot, he signaled everyone to pull over and stop. I explained our problem and he told the others to follow us to the accident site. When we got there, we looked down upon where Red was sitting with Al's head resting in his lap. Al's left hand was gripping Red's right and he was straining and trying to bear some pain which maybe he wasn't experiencing earlier, because of shock when I was with him.
Tony whipped out his cell phone it had coverage even here where ours did not. He called 911 and told them exactly where we were.
As luck would have it, the downhill company had a trainee, Dan, with them and Tony and the van driver who followed up the group from the rear, decided that Dan was now ready to lead the group. Tony told him to go slow and take no chances, and to listen to the van driver for instructions.
Then he scaled the slope to where Al was. When he was 10 feet from me, he looked back up as if wondering why I wasn't coming.
Ev was also coming back up the hill, having also reported the accident. "Ev!" I called. "Stay here so the EMT's will see you while I go down with Tony to Al." Everett nodded.
When I got there, again Al looked up at me with regret, as if he were apologizing.
"Do you think you can move, Dude?" Said Tony to Al.
"I don't want Al moving at all until the EMT's get here." Stated Red. "I've had some training, but not extensively. What I know is that he is okay enough to stay here and that's what we ought to do."
Al moaned again -- loudly -- and Red stroked his forehead gently. "It's gonna be okay buddy! The ambulance is on its way."
Al beckoned me to his side. I knelt by him and he whispered, "If I don't make it - "
"Shut the fuck up with that crap!" Said Red. "You're not hurt that bad!" Then he stroked his forehead again.
But it feels like - " Al cried.
"Yeah, it hurts like hell. But it's not fatal -- I promise you."
"I agree" Said Tony. Just relax until they get here."
It was the longest ½ hour of my life. I know it must have seemed longer to Al. When the Ambulance got there, it seemed to be moments before we were on the road. The biking company had already taken all of our bikes with them. The EMT's brought down a stretcher and treated Al like he had a broken neck, strapping him in securely. They could not assume anything until x-rays were taken.
When they lifter him up -- carefully as they could, he cried out as sharp pain struck him. They let the rest of us ride, some in the front and some back with Al. Tony whispered something to the EMT in charge -- whom he seemed to know -- and he ordered Ev and Red in the front with him, while Tony and I stayed back with Al and the other EMT.
The EMT who was in the back with us was probably 45, and seemed to know what he was doing. "We always have to treat a patient as if it is the worst scenario." He said. "You feeling any better, buddy?" He asked Al. Al nodded, then with his left hand again beckoned me forward.
"Can Ben sit next to me?" Al asked the EMT.
"Sure thing pal!" He moved out of my way, so I sat at Al's face. Tony seemed to be watching us with interest.
"Damn!" Said Al. "We barely got here. I didn't want to screw up your time like this!" He said and looked away, then closed his eyes.
I touched his temple. He opened his eyes and they spoke of a love only best friends can know of. "You'll be okay and we will have a great time, Al. Don't worry about a thing!" I smiled as I assured him. Then he smiled maybe for the first time since the accident. Then we went over a bump and he grimaced -- then smiled again -- sort of.
When we got to the emergency room, Al said, "Reach into my back pocket. You know where it is -- just behind the ass you're always checking out?" I knew he was feeling a little better. "Get my wallet and there's a light blue card in one of the card slots. Give it to -- whoever asks for it."
The EMT's made their report and then went somewhere else for coffee. "How're we gonna get home?" Asked Ev.
"Not a problem, dude." Said Tony. "My company's base is two blocks away. I'll walk over and get my car."
"Why are you being so nice?" Asked Red -- almost too suspiciously.
Tony looked at me and pursed his lips. Al said, "I think it has something to do with his company's liability. Even though we didn't stay with the group, some people would sue them."
"OOohhh! That makes sense. So -- I guess you can go, dude. We'll be okay and -- we're not gonna sue anyone!"
"Shut up, Red!" Said Al, then he grimaced big time. "He's offering us a ride home!"
"We can grab a cab! We just - "
"Red -- SHUT UP!" Said Al, looking between me and Tony, and again grimacing when he emphasized his words.
The nurse at the desk asked someone to come forward for Mr. Randall. I took his card to her. She looked at it and made a call. She looked up at me and winked, and said something to whomever she called.
"Don't worry -- that blue card is all he needs. Now, they may want to keep him overnight, so we may need to contact you." I gave my cell number.
It turned out that Al had badly sprained his right wrist and of course had abrasions on both knees and his chin. His elbows were also skinned up. His face looked more bruised than it should have been, with the head gear he wore, but other than the chin, it was mostly bruises. He really did look a mess. When he saw himself in a mirror, he said, "Shit! I look like shit!"
They didn't keep him over night. By the time he was checked out, Tony was back with his car. It was a very beat up old Chevy II -- who knows how old! But it had five operating seat belts. Good thing. He drove like a bat-outa-hell.
"Hey -- you wanna come up for a few minutes?" Al said to Tony, looking at me. I nodded.
"Sure. I've been by this place before, and picked people up here, but have never been in it." Said Tony.
With his right hand out of commission, Al gave me the key to open our condo. When we stepped in, Tony whistled and said, "Omigod! I knew there were people who lived like this. But I never thought I'd ever see the inside of one of these places!"
"Hey, why don't you stay for dinner. We have a great cabana restaurant by the beach." Said Al.
"Oh -- um -- well, no I don't think I could - "
Al walked up to him nose to nose and said, "Yes! You Can!"
"Yes, I believe I can." Tony laughed. "May I use the bathroom?" Al pointed to the door. We heard a low whistle again as he was closing the door.
"What are you up to?" I asked Al.
"Nothin'."
"Bull! You're trying to get me laid!"
"Whatever." He smiled. I could tell it hurt him to smile.
When Tony came out of the bathroom, Al said, "What're your plans tonight?"
Tony looked at me. "I'm -- um -- open. I'm a little confused though. Are -- um -- you two together?"
"Well -- let's just say we're best friends. I'm straight -- Ben is gay. Are you?"
Tony turned red. "Um -- yeah. What did you have in mind for tonight?"
"We have a game. You ever played Apples to Apples?"
"Haha! Yeah! We play that in Family Home Evening."
"Family -- what?"
"It's something we do in our church -- or rather in our family. But our church sets aside Monday nights for a family night. Everyone is encouraged to get together one night a week as a family."
"Great idea!" Said Al. "So you wanna stay?"
Tony looked at me as if to say, "Is that okay with you?" I nodded. "Then yes! I will."
"Ben, would you call Red and Ev, and ask if they want to go to dinner with us."
"No answer." I said after it went to message. "Hey -- call us when you get this. We're going to the cabana for dinner and then are playing Apples to Apples."
Five minutes Red called back. "LAME!" He said.
"Does that mean you don't wanna play Apples to Apples?"
"I'm sure we'll find something to pass the time."
"Dinner?" I asked Red.
"We'll eat in!"
"Uhkay!" I said, pushing end on my phone. "Guess it's just the three of us." I said.
"Their loss!" Said Al, smiling. Then he looked at Tony. "Want a beer?'
"I don't drink."
"Where'd you get beer?" I asked.
"Don't tell Red. I snuck behind him and saved the beer he threw out."
"But -- you don't even like beer."
"Well, I thought SOMEONE might!" Al defended himself.
"No, we're Mormons. I don't drink alcohol, coffee, tea, and I don't smoke."
"And being gay? Is that a problem?"
"Nobody's perfect!" Said Tony in mock seriousness, but looking guilty.
As it turned out, Tony needed no liquor to have fun. Before we knew it, it was 2:20 AM. Tony yawned widely and said, "I guess I better go." He looked at me with very tired eyes.
"Not!" Said Al. "The night's half over and how far do you have to go?"
"It's about an hour away, but it's - "
"You're staying!" Said Al in his usual authoritarian way.
"I guess I'm staying." Said, Tony. He flipped out his cell phone and pushed a button. "Sorry Pop. It got later before I knew it. Yeah. Yeah. Ka'anapali. Uh huh. Yes, they asked me to stay. Uh huh. Okay. Love you too." He put his phone away. "I didn't want them to worry." He said.
"No problem" I said. I woulda done the same thing." I said.
Al immediately started to try to undress. "Gimme a hand here, Ben. I'm not doing to well with my right arm in this wrap."
Both Tony and I flanked Al and he had us take everything stitch off. "Take off the ace bandage." He said to Tony. Tony complied; all the while eyeing Al's chiseled masculine body. Al didn't try to hide his package, even though it was pulled way back into his body. It scarcely stuck out beyond his pubes more than an inch or so.. But I knew that in his way, Al was flaunting what he had -- his hard body -- his washboard abs -- but not his dick!
He headed for the shower. "When I'm done, you guys can have the shower!"
"You don't want me to wash your back?" I pouted.
"Sure -- if it means that much to you." He laughed
"I'll give extra special attention to your ass -- again!" I laughed.
"Shut up and get in here!" I shed my clothes and went into the bathroom. I left the door open on purpose. I know -- my bad! Tony had a clear view of what we were doing. When I was finished washing my buddy, I said, "your turn!"
"Nope!" Said Al. "My wrist is sprained. Tony, come in and help my buddy wash off!" Yelled Al.
Tony came in to the bathroom and as Al got out he handed the soapy wash cloth to Tony. He go close to the shower and tried to reach me -- his clothing still on. "Yah gotta take off your clothes and get in, Dummy!" Said Al, closing the door.
"Your friend is very -- um -- persuasive." Said Tony, after Al left the bathroom.
"Yeah, he is. It's okay. Come in." I said. He took his clothing off and then carefully folding them and placing them on a hassock, and walked slowly into the shower, looking at his clothes on the hassock several times. He stood eye to eye with me, the washcloth poised in his hand. We stood there for an eternal 30 seconds, then I leaned in and kissed his lips. He moaned quietly and closed his eyes.
I turned him around and pushed him under the hot water. Then I joined him again and kissed him again. This time he kissed me back with passion. We dropped our hands to each other's butts and stood under the shower, boner to boner for a couple minutes, kissing several times. Tony's hands were shaking. Then he remembered the wash cloth.
He ran it over all of me except my face and my butt or groin. When he knelt to wash my feet, he looked straight into my package, paused, closed his eyes, licked his lips and then finished my feet. Then he stood. He dropped the wash cloth and said, "What are you up for?" He was shaking -- almost like a leaf. .
My eyes were closed. I opened them and his eyes looked excited and scared. I said quietly, "I like what your doing, Tony. I do. I -- just -- don't know how to answer your question."
"Um -- oh. Okay. Um -- I'm kinda new to this -- um - why don't you ask me the same question?"
"Oh!" I said. I chuckled a little. "Okay. So -- um -- what are YOU up for?"
Then he chuckled a little and looked down. "I think your friend -- um -- Al -- really wants to get us laid. Is that what you want?"
"Um -- okay, it's back in my court huh? I mean -- I just am not -- that is - " I stammered.
"Ben- this seems to be too fast for you. Well, er - me too. I always pictured something more romantic -- or something. Oh! Don't -- I mean -- I'm sorry! I mean -- it's not that you're not romantic -- it's just -- oh dang! I can't ever say what I want!" He paused, saw my amused face and continued. "Ben, I liked what I was doing too. Would it be okay if that was all we did -- at least for now?"
His eyes were pleading and were so -- innocent. "I wouldn't mind some more of this." I said and I kissed him deeply. He pulled back.
"Yeah, I like to kiss too." He grinned and kissed me again, maybe coming on to me too fast for what he was saying. It was obvious he wasn't familiar with this territory. "Um -- can you -- um -- wash me like -- I did you? I didn't know what I was doing, but it seemed right -- to me."
I nodded my head. "It was fine, Tony -- just fine!" I said, taking the cloth from the floor of the shower and rinsing it out, then I soaped it up again. The only thing I did differently was I washed his groin. His dick was easy because it was so hard, and he closed his eyes and looked like he was in heaven with my hard caress of his scrotum. His eyes opened huge when I ran the cloth deeply between his butt cheeks.
I happened to look down and saw a large globule of precom ooze out. I instinctively swiped it with my finger and put it in my mouth. Before I knew it I swallowed it and was looking into Tony's wide eyes. He looked awestruck.
Then he wrapped his soapy body around my own and squeezed me hard and kissed me deeply. Then he lay his head on my shoulder and kissed my neck. "That was -- um -- I never did that before! You ate my -- I mean -- geez!"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I said, worried that I had offended him somehow. I should have asked!
"It's okay, Ben. It just -- surprised me. I mean -- it's more than okay -- it was awesome!"
"Okay -- well -- I didn't mean to do it." I said.
"I guess -- you've -- um -- done that before."
"I guess you're not -- um -- as experienced as I thought -- er -- as I am maybe, huh?"
"I -- no! I -- really -- I worked for another biking company before my mission and -- well -- when I came back, one of my friends was working for my company and got me the job."
"Huh?" Where did that come from? I was now confused.
"Oh! I mean -- I served for two years -- a mission for my church. I never did anything on my mission -- except -- I told my mission president I had a problem with masturbation. I didn't tell him -- that I thought about some of my companions when I did it."
"You're not supposed to jack off?"
"Um -- well -- no. Everyone does -- but -- they -- according to my mission president -- the church leaders -- just don't want it to rule your life -- or something. He never asked if I was fantasizing about guys. He did ask about girls. I told him no. And he said he realizes guys sometimes just need to get off -- and I was to try to keep it to a minimum -- and not think about girls when doing it. Believe me -- I never thought about girls!"
"How long ago did you - "
"I have been back two months from my mission. I've never -- um -- connected with anyone before -- except once when I was 12, an older guy showed me some stuff at a scout camp out."
"What kind of stuff?"
"He taught me about mast -- er -- jacking off. Omigosh! His name was Ben! But anyway, our camp-out was a week. We did that on the second night. He was 16, I think. I sort of walked in on him while he was doing it in the latrine."
"Doing what?"
"Jacking off. He looked surprised when I came in. He said, Don't you knock?' I said, Sorry -- it was unlocked. What are you doing?' He couldn't stop because it was already cumming. I didn't know what the white stuff was that was coming out of his dick. He told me he was jacking off and couldn't believe I didn't know it. `Everyone does it!' he told me.
"I was so much younger and -- he was so much bigger -- I slowly backed out -- never letting my eyes leave his. I didn't have to. The size of his dick was scorched into my mind. Mine was just starting to grow bigger. But his was probably already -- 5 or 6 inches -- the way I saw it."
"You mean up -- and hard?"
"Yeah. When he came out of the latrine, he found me. I was terrified. I told him I wouldn't tell anyone. He said that was good, but not to worry about it. He said he still didn't believe I never did it. Then he said, `well this will be our little secret, huh?' I remember like it was yesterday. I didn't say anything, but just nodded. I was still scared. He was being too nice! He was so much bigger than I was!
"Then the Scoutmaster came to us and I don't remember what happened next -- except I was glad we were interrupted."
"And that was all that happened?" I asked.
"Oh no! That night, I was in my tent with Joey. Joey was 12 too. Ben came in and said, Get Lost! I'm sleeping with my buddy tonight!' Joey almost freaked out. Where will I go?' Ben said, `Go sleep with your brother! He's a fag too!' I felt bad for Joey. He and his older brother were home schooled and -- well -- a little different."
"Then this is what happened:
Ben said, "I have been thinking all day about what happened this afternoon." I was really scared. I thought he was gonna beat me up. "You're not to tell anyone what you saw -- or what we talked about -- right?"
He was talking to me nicely, but I was still scared. That was how my dad sometimes talked when he was ready to clobber me."
I interrupted, "So -- were Joey and his brother gay?"
"I dunno. Anyway, Ben told me to come closer. It was almost pitch black in our tent by this time. He told me to give him my hand. He put it on his dick. I knew it was his dick, because I could feel the curly hair under it. He then asked if I minded if he touched mine. I never said yes or no, but he undid and pulled down my jeans and ran his fingers up and down my half grown dick.
"Well, as you probably can imagine. I was scared spitless, so I was not the least hard -- until he started to pull on it. He then again put my hand on his and showed me how to jack it. I suddenly was hard as a rock. He again asked if I really had never jacked off. I told him no. `Get ready for something awesome, Tony!' He said.
He stopped me from jacking him and jacked me off really fast. It was the first time I ever came -- well at least while awake. I can remember that I wondered what the crusty stuff was in my pajamas a few months before that. I was afraid to ask my mom or dad.
"Pretty soon I started feeling something awful. Or at least I thought it was awful because I never felt it before. I cried out a little. `Shut up, Tony!' he said. I was scared spitless, but I shut up and let it happen. I thought I was going to explode any minute -- and then it happened. I DID explode -- or at least my dick did. He kept jacking it until it was all soft. His hand and my dick -- and my underpants were all sticky and wet."
"So I guess you liked it." I said. "And that was your first time?"
"Yup."
And that was all you and this other Ben did?"
"Oh no! He slept with me every night for the rest of the campout. I'm surprised the scoutmaster didn't notice. I think he just thought that Joey was just scared without his brother or something. Before the week was out -- Ben was -- doing me with his -- mouth."
"So -- I wasn't the first to taste your -- um -- spunk?"
"No -- I mean yes! You were! He didn't suck it until I came. He always finished me off with his hand. I did him too."
"You sucked his big dick?"
"Oh no! He just wanted me to jack him off."
"Didn't you ever do it after that?"
"Oh -- yeah! Once I found out about jacking off -- I did it every chance I got!"
"I meant with Him. Did you ever do it again - "
"Oh! No! He wasn't in my ward, so - "
"Ward?"
"He went to a different -- um -- church. A different ward, we call it. But after I learned about it, I finally knew what the bishop was always talking about when he would talk to the boys. I didn't know before what it was -- and I was afraid to ask. Once I knew -- and was doing it -- I felt so guilty. No one told me -- until later -- that all guys do it."
"You never asked your dad?" I said.
"No way!"
"How do you feel about it now?"
"Um -- okay -- I guess."
"Still feel guilty?"
He looked at me as if I had slapped him. "Yeah. Don't you?"
"Not at all. It's the most natural thing in the world."
"Yeah -- I have convinced myself of that. But it's what I'm thinking about -- that I feel guilty about."
"What're you thinking about?"
"Ben -- the other Ben."
"Oh! Tony -- um -- I don't really want you to feel guilty -- um -- thinking about me. I -- um -- well, I guess I better ask you again -- what are you up for? What do you want to do?"
"Um -- can we just -- um -- hold each other?"
"All night?" I said.
"Is that bad?"
"No! I just -- um -- don't want to -- make you feel guilty."
"Oh!" Tony laughed. That in itself made me feel a lot more comfortable. "It's kinda too late for that. I mean NO! I didn't mean that YOU made me feel guilty. But we have already done things that -- I'm sure my bishop would not approve of."
"Tony -- I respect your -- um -- faith, I guess. But -- I don't really think God is going to judge you -- or me -- harshly -- because we are doing what is natural for us. Do you?"
"I -- dunno." He said forlornly. I wished I hadn't asked the question.
"Well -- maybe we should just go to bed." I said.
We both put on our sleep clothes. I wore my shorts and he wore both top and bottom, white underwear, and then pajamas he had brought with him -- talk about being prepared! I didn't comment.
Al was sitting in the living room, watching TV and when he saw us he said, "G'night. Don't make too much noise!" He grinned.
"Al -- you may as well come in with us -- we're only gonna sleep." I said.
Al looked supremely disappointed. He looked at Tony, and so did I. Tony looked disappointed too. Al said, "Um -- I'm gonna watch TV a little longer. I may or may not come in. Both my wrists really are sore now. So -- I'll prolly stay out here. G'night. Oh! Close your door if you don't want the TV to bother you."
We closed the bedroom door and climbed into bed. He stayed on his side and I turned out the light.
The moon mirrored itself on the ocean, and it was possible to see the outline of Molokai. All the covers were thrown back and Tony lay on his back, his hands under his head. "Um - " I said, "Did you want to -- um -- hug g'night?"
He looked over at me and said, "More than anything!" But he didn't move. I rolled over to him and touched his face lightly. He shivered and put his hand over mine on his face, and held it there momentarily. He then rolled over on his side and looked into my eyes. I was facing the light so he could probably see mine. His were like black holes.
I pulled him to me and we embraced closely. "Can I kiss you?" I said.
"Oh - - yes!" He said, and he placed his lips on mine. Both our mouths opened and first I explored his mouth with my tongue, then he did the same, and moaned a little. Through our clothes, I felt his wood flex against my own. His warm hands on my skin felt so good -- so familiar.
I caressed his face once again and then lifted his pajama top from him. He didn't seem to mind, so I started to lift his t-shirt. He squirmed a little and pulled me closer, so it would not come off. "Skin to skin feels so good, Tony!" I whispered, kissing his neck.
"I -- I know. I'm afraid."
"Of what?" I asked.
"I'm afraid that I won't be able to stop."
"What if I promise that we won't do anything but cuddle -- do you trust me?"
After a along pause, he said. "Yes." I lifted his t-shirt over his head and was about to throw it on the floor. He grabbed it and folded it carefully and put it in the bedside drawer. Then he took off his pajama bottom and threw that on the floor. I was a little confused, but -- he then came back to me -- both of us in our shorts -- well his were underwear and mine were sleep shorts.
We kissed and cuddled like that for maybe 15 or 20 minutes before we fell asleep -- in each others arms, with Tony lying half on top of me, his face on my chest. The last thing I remember was him whispering, barely audibly, "Thanks -- thanks for protecting me."
When I woke up, surprisingly, we were in the same position we fell asleep in -- him half on top of me but his face snuggled into my neck. I was surprised. That was the first time I didn't roll away from a guy over night. I woke up just in time to see Al crack open the door. Maybe that's what woke me. He looked at us and smiled approvingly, then closed the door.
I squeezed Tony's neck gently. "We probably should be getting up, Tony."
"Oh -- hi! Wow! You're still here!"
"Is that okay?" I asked
"Ohh -- yes! It's very okay!" Then he climbed completely on top of me and snuggled into my neck and our morning woods pressed firmly through our pants against each other. I felt his flex, and mine answered in kind.
"This is what I want -- someday." Said Tony.
"Someday?" I said.
"Yeah. Don't you?"
"I do." I said. Maybe -- someday soon."
"I don't think I'm ready for it yet. But this is what I like." He said. "I better get dressed and go."
"Don't you want to have breakfast with us?"
He paused, considering it. Then, "No -- I better go."
"Can I see you again?" I asked.
"I dunno -- maybe. But -- I don't know -- if -- I can do that again -- and stop with what we did. I just don't know. I don't want to hurt you."
"You don't want to hurt me?" I said.
"Um -- yeah. I think you want to do more and -- if we did, you might see that as a commitment. I might too. But I'm not ready for it -- today." He said all this as he reached into the drawer and picked out the t-shirt that he so lovingly put in the night before. He then put on his clothes and said good bye.
"Wait! I said. I hopped out of bed and came to him and hugged him closely. He didn't hug me back. I tried to kiss him. He turned away. "Guilt, huh?" I said.
"Yeah -- I guess." He said, looking regretful.
He walked out and through the living room , said bye to Al and left. Al came in and found me standing there in my sleep shorts, still woodied up and my mouth open.
"What was that about?"
"I think he needs time."
"What did you do -- last night?"
"If we did anything, I wouldn't tell you. But we didn't, anyway."
"So - ?"
"So -- I dunno. He wouldn't commit to whether he'd see me again."
"Geez! Well -- did you have fun with him?"
"Al -- it was more than fun. I really like Tony. He's so -- um -- untouched -- so -- pure, I guess. I really like that."
Al looked almost disappointed. I mean I know he was disappointed I didn't get laid -- but -- there was something else -- I dunno. "You -- look okay." He said. "Are you?"
"I guess. It was only one night." I said.
"There'll be others." Said Al.
"I guess." But I couldn't hide my disappointment. I really wasn't planning to do anything with him, but I wanted to see him again -- at least. Al walked over to me.
"Well, for what it's worth, I felt lonely last night." Said Al. "I liked having you sleep next to me."
"How are you wrists feeling?"
"Their both sore, but of course the right one is the worst." He walked to me and put his arms around me and said, "Sorry for your disappointment, Bud." He hugged me like a football buddy. I pulled him closer and pressed my body to his. He froze at first, then relaxed in to a close embrace. We both sighed.
Notes: Will Ben ever have a clear idea of who he wants? Will we? Subby isn't telling me anything! As always, comments are welcome to: Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and love, Steve