This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be very pure either! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of characters:
Ben Hastings -- That's me!
Bill "Bubba" Hastings -- My Dad
Veronica Hastings -- My Mom.
Reyna -- My Best Friend
Ranj Kumar-- My New friend
Jared -- A football whore.
Sargeant Shipley -- High School Friend
Rex Majors -- Ranj's roommate.
Everett Majors - Rex's younger brother
From Chapter 16:
"It's a park. It's closed at night. I wouldn't go there at night anyway."
"Why?" I asked.
"Too spooky for me. I don't like dark places."
"Oh." I said. Have any bad things happened there?"
"I don't think so. I just stay away form dark places at night."
"That's probably smart. Thanks."
Drink your chocolate." I said. "We're going across the street."
"She said it was closed." Everett said.
"Perfect!" I said smiling. We can go there and scream."
"I didn't mean REALLY scream!" He said, looking worried.
"I know you didn't. Let's go!" I said, in all seriousness.
Chapter 17:
"Ben, we don't need to go over there."
"It's exactly where we DO need to go."
"I don't WANT to go over there!" He said, as I kept walking across the street. But he stopped.
I turned and he had stopped at the curb. He was still shaking his head no. I walked back, thinking as hard and as fast as I could. What could I do to give Everett some confidence. "But wait, I don't need to do that!" I thought. He is already asserting himself.
"You see, Ev? You CAN say no! You're older now that when he was attacking you, and - "
"Attacking me?"
"What would you call what he did to you?"
"I'm not sure what to call it, but it wasn't an attack. I wanted it!"
"You thought it was thoroughly okay - - ?"
"I didn't say that. I said, I wanted it."
"And -- how did you feel when it was over?"
"When it was over? I -- I -- hated him. But then I would crave it until the next time."
"Did you ever feel guilty?"
I ALWAYS felt guilty." He stated boldly. Then he whispered, "I still do."
We were still standing at the curb, in front of the café. I gently nudged his arm, and we started to walk on the sidewalk toward the more populated parts of town. The street lamps were bright: I wanted him to feel safe -- being here and being -- with me.
"Everett, you were just a boy when -- that -- was happening to you."
"I still feel like a boy."
"But is he coming in to your bed any more?"
"Heck no -- he has the twins now!" He said almost peevishly.
"Why did he stop hitting on you?"
"I begged him to stop. Then I hated myself for that. Not only did I -- lose -- that - " he sighed, "I feel like I'm to blame that he started to do my little brothers."
"Everett -- you can't be seriously blaming yourself because your father is forcing himself on them!" I exclaimed.
"Daddy was just honoring my wishes. Would it have hurt me to let him keep doing me -- so my brothers - "
"Okay, Stop!" I commanded. "In the first place, your father wasn't `honoring' anything. Can't you see? He was afraid you might say something to someone if he pressed it any further. Otherwise he would have probably been doing all three of you."
Everett walked along side of me for the next five minutes in silence. I could sense that his mind was reeling. I touched his hand, and he immediately grabbed mine. After another five minutes we were in a pretty busy part of town, very lit up and with a lot of people -- mostly young -- walking or driving by us. No one seemed to take notice of the two smallish young men walking hand in hand. Finally Everett said,
"I HATE him!" with all the venom he could muster. We were in front of a bus stop bench. He broke hands with me and sat down hard. "How can I feel both love and hate for someone?"
"I dunno, but I kind of remember from my high school psych class that Mr. Hannah told us that hate and love were different sides of the same emotion. So I guess if someone we love hurts us -- badly -- maybe part of the love turns to hate. I'm just guessing here, but that kind of makes sense -- to me - - not that it would make you feel any better."
"<> Actually -- it does." He said.
"Good! I mean, - um -- good. Why?" I asked.
"I guess it just helps me to -- keep things together."
"Huh?" I said.
"Sometimes I think I'm going crazy. I mean really -- insane. And it's because of crap like this. Simple but still, it's very confusing."
My phone rang. "Yeah?" I said, recognizing Ranj's number.
"You guys okay?"
"Yeah."
"It's just getting pretty late and -- I don't know what to tell Rex."
"Is he still - "
"No, he's fine -- and feeling badly that he drove you guys off. When will you be home?"
"I dunno. I -- is it important?" I asked.
"Can I talk to my brother?" Asked Everett in one ear, while I heard Rex saying the exact same thing to Ranj. I handed the phone to Everett. He walked some way away. He whispered a conversation with his brother. I couldn't hear what was said, but I could see the tears on Everett's face.
Everett walked back to me and handed me the phone. "I told Rex we'd be home in the morning -- after they left for class." He said.
"That was okay?" I asked.
"Yeah. He said that he sees that I'm not the little boy he thought I was."
"And - - he probably wants to be alone with Ranj - ?" I added.
"No. He said he and Ranj are fine, but Ranj likes guys and -- he doesn't."
"Oh." I said. I was feeling a little mixed emotion on that point myself. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but -- I was hoping -- for Ranj -- that Rex could be a match for him. I still have feelings for him.
"Um -- he also talked about Daddy -- and his scholarship."
"Huh?" I said.
"He told me to do what ever I felt was right."
"And Rex? Will he -- um -- support you in it?"
"I think he will -- once you talk to him -- like you have to me."
"Me?!!" I exclaimed. "You want ME to talk to him? I was hoping you liked me more than that!" I gave him a pouty look.
"I don't think I can do it alone. I'm not sure how I feel about Daddy going to prison, but -- I want to protect my little brothers. And I think Rex will too, if he sees that the way you helped me to see it."
"So -- where do you wanna go -- tonight?"
"Somewhere we can be alone." He said. It made something stir inside me. I wondered if he meant it the way I felt it.
BZZZZZ!
"Yeah?" I answered, again seeing Ranj's number.
"The answer is yes."
"Huh?"
"If you can find a place you want to stay, do it!"
"We don't have that many hours to sleep, Ranj. I hate to waste your money on - "
"Don't worry about the money! There's plenty more where that came from. My dad gives me as much as I need. And besides -- I have you to thank for being here -- which I love, by the way!"
"Me?"
"Well, yeah. He sent me out here to get me safe and away from you!" He said.
"Great boogly mooglies!" I said.
"Huh?"
"It's an expression I learned from a teacher." I said "It's just weirdly ironic!"
"What is?"
"The whole scenario."
"Oh. Okay. I guess. See you sometime tomorrow then?"
"Yeah. Thanks!"
We hung up and I had such an ironically exasperated look on my face, Everett started laughing.
"What?!!"" I exclaimed.
"The look on your face. Heehee! It looks like you just saw a ghost - - and it turned out to be Caspar!"
"Well, my situation is just weird! This guy is physically abusing me -- and my dad knows it -- and yet my dad sends me out here to follow him."
"You mean Ranj?"
"Yes. And as if that weren't weird enough -- HIS father sent HIM here to get AWAY from ME!"
"You should write it down and send it to Warner Brothers!" Laughed Everett.
"If I did, I wonder if either of our dads would recognize their parts!" I said.
By this time we were in the middle of town, and being after 2:00 AM, things were getting a lot quieter, with an occasional car full of college guys (no girls!) cruising by. Across the street was a very nice Hotel with a red carpet coming out into a covered entry. "Let's go!" I said.
"That will be $297.88" The desk attendant said. He saw the surprised look on my face. "Sorry, it's all we have Sir. Shall I ring for the night porter to take your -- erm -- do you have any bags, sir?"
"No. We just want to sleep for a few hours."
He looked at the two of us and a look of recognition came over his face.
"OOhhh! Okay! Checkout is 10:00 AM. Can I give you a wakeup call?"
I looked pouty at him, and he winked at me. "But -- if you want, I can put late checkout on it to give you a couple more hours." He smiled sweetly. I thanked him and told him a ten o'clock wakeup would be great. I peeled off six $50's, and added a five of my own and we went to our room.
I had already determined that I was not going to initiate anything after all I knew this kid had been through. Our room was extra special. It was at the top of the hotel, had a wall that was all glass, with a hot tub on a pedestal in front of it. We both shed our clothing quickly and made a bee line for the hot tub.
I felt the stress being drained out of me as I slipped deep into the hot water, only my nose above the surface. I closed my eyes, and soon felt myself drifting off. I woke with a start as I felt Everett's hand gently touch my face. I sputtered a little because I choked on some water.
"Oh! I'm sorry!" He said as he grabbed me and pulled me up. I was looking directly into his eyes and though I had determined not to initiate anything, I couldn't help pulling him down into the water and kissing him deeply. Our naked bodies began writhing in the hot water until I came to my senses.
"Oh, Ev! I didn't want to -- I mean -- I wasn't gonna - "
"Don't! Please don't stop now, Ben! We don't have to do anything you don't want to, but -- I need this -- please hold me!"
Anything I don't want to? Doesn't he know I want all of him? But I can't let him know that! Part of me is already telling him, as likewise his already hard-as-a-rock boner is pressing hard into my own crotch. But I did hold him for at least five minutes.
Suddenly, as we were still holding each others nude forms in the bubbling water, he sobbed, and pulled me even closer. "I don't know what comes next, Ben. I'm scared."
I thought about this for a moment and looked deeply into his eyes and said, "Ev, I think maybe this is what it's like, being an adult. We have to deal with scary stuff, and not act scared. One thing my dad taught me was to think of the worst thing that could happen. And if that is dangerous or really bad, that's the time to worry. Most of the time, he said, people worry about mostly silly stuff."
"I don't think this is silly."
"I didn't mean that. I was just quoting my dad. But seriously -- what's the worst thing that could happen?
"Daddy might go to prison."
"And what do you think that might do to him?"
"He's awfully big. I don't think anyone would mess with him."
But - - would he be messing with someone -- or more -- who is not as big as he is -- like he did at home?"
"Daddy wouldn't do that!" He objected.
"Maybe not. But if he was willing to -- do -- his own sons -- do you think he would think twice about -- doing some little criminal?"
"I don't wanna think about it."
"Okay. Sorry. It wasn't my intention to make you feel worse. You do know that you can come home with me for the summer -- right?"
He looked up in surprise. I had not told him that before. And -- I hoped I wasn't speaking out of turn, since I really didn't get the okay from my parents. I decided right there that he WOULD be coming with me -- and if there wasn't room in our house, then we would find our own place. But I kept all that to myself -- for the time being.
"I -- I never thought -- about -- you mean come to your -- I mean to California?" He stammered. "Wouldn't people make fun of me -- with my Texas twang?"
"I don't think so. At least not in a mean way." He looked at me with such love and innocence!
"I'm getting too hot in here. I think I've had enough." Said Everett.
He climbed out of the tub and started to dry off. I just watched him. He looked at me once in awhile and smiled or smirked, then would look away, embarrassed. He then went and climbed into the king-sized bed and waited until I got out and then he watched as I dried off, obviously enjoying it as much as I had.
I got in the other side of the bed, and turned off the light. He immediately scooted over next to me and we held each other's warm body. We were silent for about ten minutes. Then he said,
"Remember that we were gonna experiment while my brother and Ranj were gone?"
"Yeah?" I said.
"They're gone!" He said, stroking my face softly.
I couldn't help a little giggle. Then I said, "I'm not sure if - "
"You're not my daddy. You're my friend. This is different.
"But - "
"No buts, Ben!" He said then added, "Oh! Well -- um -- maybe we should talk about that. You said that you made love to Ranj. Is that the only condition for you?"
"Huh?"
"If I wanted to give you MY butt -- would you have to love me?"
At face value, it sounded flippant -- or crass -- or something. But I saw none of that in his eyes. All I saw was a hunger and - - something else.
"I see" he said, seeing my faltering expression. "You can't make love to some one you don't love." He said it -- not bitterly -- but more disappointed and -- maybe -- plaintive.
"Noooo, Ev, it's not - "
"I see, Ben. No, it's okay. You have your - "
"Ben -- no -- I -- I DO -- love you."
"Huh?" He said, searching my eyes. "Please don't play with me. I want you -- a LOT -- but don't play with my - "
"Ev, I've loved you ever since the moment I saw you. It wasn't romantic love then, but -- it has gotten closer all the time. I felt like I was in love with ranj. I'm not sure that's true now, but - "
"You're still in love with him, aren't you?" He said.
"No. I still love him, but -- I'm not sure I was ever really in love with him."
"But you don't love me - - do you?"
"Ben, I just told you that I do love you. But, like Ranj, I can't say I am in love with you. I'm not even sure that's possible. I've known you less than a week. But I know I love you."
"And I know I love you. I've never had a boyfriend before, but -- I know I want you -- while we're together. And I want you to -- make love to me."
I stared into Everett's eyes for a long time, trying to read what was there, and trying to -- fight the battle that was raging inside me. I want this boy so much! But I want to somehow teach him -- that sex is something more special than just some kind of recreation or even just an expression of love between friends.
But my body is screaming out for satisfaction -- now that he gave me permission. And I DO love the boy! But -- he's still in high school! I didn't even have sex until my sophomore year in college! Should I be forcing my morality on him?
"Ev -- you said that we don't have to do anything -- if I don't want to. Well, tonight I don't want to -- go that far. You said you wanted to be held. Let's just start there. Let's not discuss where it might go."
"Okay."
"Please?"
"I said okay." He said, looking serious. "So - - hold me."
He crawled on top of me -- like I knew he had done with Rex many times. I rubbed his back and kissed his forehead. "This feels good!" He said.
"I know it does, Ev. It feels like -- it feels like I am holding on to a brother -- and I love the feeling."
Hee hee! Yeah I can feel you do!" he said as he grabbed my hard woodie and squeezed it. It deposited a good sized dollop of cream onto the top of his hand. He brought it to his mouth and licked it off, keeping my gaze into his eyes.
The kid surely has a knack for breaking down my barriers. I pulled him back down on top of me and turned over to our sides.
"You really don't want to do anything - - do you?" he said.
"It's not that I don't want to, Ev. But I don't want to continue something that your dad started.
"Ben," He started, "In the first place -- you're NOT my dad, and secondly, you don't have any authority over me. Whatever you are willing to give me -- I want."
He's getting to me. My resolve is crumbling. "But -- but -- you're only seventeen." I protested -- mildly.
"So I'm not eighteen for two months! We may not see each other in two months."
"We may - " I started.
"But we may not. And anyway, how old are you, again?" He said.
"Twenty."
"See? You're not that much over eighteen!" He said, low, in to my ear, then he kissed it and sucked on my ear lobe. I moaned.
"I want you, Ben" he whispered.
Every fiber of my body was screaming out, "Give him what he wants!" My dick was so hard and throbbing, it hurt. He stroked my face with his fingers. "Whatever you decide, Ben -- whatever you decide." He reiterated, as he melded his body into my own.
We lay there silent for several minutes -- seeming like several hours. I was perplexed what to do. I felt his grip loosen slightly, then some more. He breathed deeply and slobbered on my neck. He was asleep. I put a soft pillow under his head, but kept him attached to me, as I found a comfortable position for my own neck and head.
The light streaming in the window woke me up. As soon as I stirred, Everett woke up too. "Morning, Ben." He said, groggily, with a sleepy smile. I was on my side and he was facing me, his body still pressed up hard against me, and his hardest part making it's presence known. I felt a rhythmical pulsing from it.
I craned my neck down and found his lips. Both our mouths were a little sour, but it didn't matter. I swept the inside of his mouth with my tongue and he did the same for me. He took a long inhale through his nose and climbed back on top of me.
"Ben?"
"Yes?"
"I -- feel so close to you. I don't know -- can't tell for sure, but -- I wonder if this is what love feels like." He kissed the cavity next to my neck, sending a tingling outward from it through my whole body. My boner pulsed, telling him it liked what he did. "Ben, I want you to -- I think you know."
"Oh, Ev -- Ev!? Was all I could say. I rubbed his back and kneaded his butt, and said, "Can we at least -- I mean -- let's continue this at the dorm. Your brother and Ranj will be gone, and -- I dunno -- I just want to be wide awake and not doing anything in a weakened state."
He relaxed, obviously disappointed, onto my body. "Okay. I want -- no -- well -- okay -- I just -- okay, Ben -- okay." And he squeezed me with all his might. "Can we go now?"
Rex and Ranj may still be there."
"It's okay. I'd like to see my brother before he goes to classes."
"Okay."
We got dressed and went to the nearest bus stop, hopped a bus to the campus and found the dorm. As we walked up path toward the dorm, Everett held my hand. We got some curious looks, but nothing more.
The door was open, and when we walked in, Ranj was on the couch, cradling Rex in his arms. Rex was crying.
Notes: Thanks for all your letters! I will try to answer them all quickly. As always, comments are welcome to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and love, Steve