This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be very pure either! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of characters:
Ben Hastings -- That's me
Bill "Bubba" Hastings -- My Dad
Veronica Hastings -- My Mom.
Chapter 1
I'm Ben. Benjamin Addison Hastings. I graduated high school a year ago, and I go to Cerritos College -- a two year college which is more like an extension of high school. After going to Cerritos a year, I had gotten to know a few -- very few -- and trusted even fewer.
"Why do I have this trust issue?" You may ask. I will answer: I'm gay. And only one person in the world knows it. Me! I just figured it out last week. I feel kind of stupid for not picking it up sooner.
But you see, I dated girls since I was sixteen -- two years ago. I started school early -- when I was four -- so I'm a little younger than most others. Here. My father was a jock in high school and also at Texas A & M. I was already a disappointment to him. Being their only son -- only child -- he of course tried to make me a jock too.
But -- I was frail. I had my mother's fine features and small frame. Although I was 5'-11" tall, I weighed only 145 lbs. My dark hair was in strong contrast to my lily-white skin, which never tans, always burns.
I wanted to have sex with a girl at some point, but never could work up the courage to ask her. It never occurred to me that a guy usually doesn't ask. But what did I know?
I knew that I loved to masturbate! I knew that I loved watching the guys -- even the hunks -- the jocks -- that made fun and sometimes abused me: Spike was the high school jock of all high school jocks. He was the one I was afraid of the most and was very careful not to let him -- or anyone else -- see me watching him too close in the locker room -- or even in the lunch mall.
There were others who were not jocks, besides me. Some of them got more abuse than I did. Looking back, I wonder if some of them were also gay. But there I go -- doing the same thing the jerks -- er -- jocks were doing -- assuming that anyone was gay because of the way he is built!
My eyes are light blue with a white ring. And I promise I don't pluck my eyebrows -- but I get accused of it all the time. I have very long, straight lashes! One of the few things straight about me!
I registered for Cerritos with my best friend -- almost my only friend -- Reyna. We had grown up together since 5th grade, when her family moved in next door. She was my consolation. Reyna was built like -- well, sorry, Reyna -- like a football player -- line backer!
Reyna and I went to all the dances together that first year at Cerritos. We seldom danced with anyone else. If we did, it was always me and it was because some girl asked me.
Reyna started taking a Tae Kwon Do class. By our second year, she was an advanced yellow belt. I never missed any test she had. At the latest one, she dragged me over to a guy -- maybe in his mid thirties. "This is Donny." She said, grinning like a 12-year-old.
Later, as we sat in her bedroom, on her bed, she told me she has a major crush -- on this 35 year old guy! I decided this is a good time to tell her. "Reyna -- I have something to tell you."
"That you finally decided to go out for the Cerritos football team this year?" She said, eyes laughing at me.
"Screw you! Never mind!" I said.
"Oh Ben-ben! Don't be that way."
"Don't BE that way?" I cried, acting more hurt than I was -- hoping she would drag my revelation out of me.
"I double-promise to be nice, Ben-ben. Please tell me your secret!"
"Who said it was a secret!" I said, peevishly.
"If you have something to tell me -- that I don't already know -- it must be a secret."
"It is. Reyna -- and you can't tell anyone at any time!"
"Hrmph! Guess that rules out the football team."
"Reyna," I leaned in close and after looking all around, as if she had jocks posted in the corners of her room, I said, "I think I'm gay."
"Oh. That would explain a lot."
"Damn it, Reyna -- I'm serious here!"
"I'm sorry Ben. But when you think about it what other than a queer guy would be friends with Reyna Wilcox?"
"That's silly! You have Donny!"
"Well -- I do like him. But -- I dunno if he feels the same. How can I ever know?"
"Ask him to tutor you?"
"Huh?"
"If he says he'll help you with your Tae Kwon Do moves, then maybe that's a sign he likes you."
"Oh! Maybe!" She said. "Now! -- Gay huh? Actually this could be kinda cool!"
"Why?" I asked, clearly exasperated.
"Cuz now we can have sleepovers!" She said, as she flung herself down beside me on the bed.
I lay down next to her and we chatted about mostly nothing until my tummy told me that mom was calling.
As I was leaving, I dropped another bomb on Reyna. "Um -- one other thing." I said. I came back in and closed the door, and leaned against it with my body. "I am thinking of going to the back parking lot -- tomorrow!"
"Aw, Ben -- please don't!"
"I'll be careful!" I said. The back parking lot was well known to be a meeting place for gays. "I just wanna look."
With that, I opened the door and ran out of her house, and home.
After my 3 -- 6 chem lab, it was already getting dark in the front parking lot. The back parking was fully dark already. It was an overflow parking that was seldom utilized. There were shadowy figures moving to and fro. One smallish guy said, "Do I know you?"
"Uh -- I dunno." I said.
"Oh. Okay. I was hoping - " And he turned away. Something about him made me want to trust him -- at least not to do anything like -- I dunno -- mug me or something. He was much smaller anyway.
"No -- come back. Let's get a better look." I said.
He came up to me cautiously -- like a stray cat. I did exactly as I would do with a stray cat. I put my hand out and touched his. He flinched a little, and said. "No -- you don't look familiar. I don't know you."
"Di -- did you want to?" I stammered.
"Maybe. Whatcha got?" He said, leading me away from the rest.
"Huh?"
"Whatcha got?"
"Sorry," I said, "I'm kinda new to this."
"Whatcha got! What're you packin'?"
"You mean -- my - - "
"Yeah. Dude -- like - I got seven inches, cut and clean."
Well, he DID look clean. "I -- dunno -- I never measured mine."
"Lessee!" He said.
"Huh?" I responded.
"Damn! You ARE new aren't you?"
"I told you!"
He unzipped and un buttoned his jeans. He didn't have any underwear. His dick flopped out. I wondered where the 7" was hiding. I parroted what he did, pulling mine out. He gawked. "Wow! That's gotta be a good 8"!"
"As measured from where?" I said.
"The base."
"Wha - at?" I said. I immediately got out a ruler from my bag and in the dim light put it down to the base of my dick. It was decidedly hard by this time. "5 ½". Where is this 7" you're bragging about?" I put the ruler up to his. It measured 4 ½"!
"4 ½". That about right for a guy your size."
"Nuh-uh! Gimme that!" He was pretty agitated. He put the ruler below his balls and indeed it reached up to -- maybe a little past 6 ½". "That's how you do it!" Sure enough mine went to 7 ½" when I put it down there.
"Who cares, anyway?" I said. All that can be used is from the base up. Not many people stick their balls in anywhere -- or do they?"
"That's not the idea. This is just how we do it!"
"Okay. Now that we have that settled -- now what do we do?"
"You really did it?!!" Said Reyna. "You're insane! You don't even know the guy"
"It's not as if we really did anything!" I said. "We only sucked!"
"Yeah, well, as if you really want Chlamydia on your mouth! That's just stupid! I think you need to do some research -- on the internet. Just bring up std's in google. Ben-ben, I'm worried about you!"
I knew she was right. Bit it felt so good! And -- I want more! Soon! But -- to change the subject -- "So what has happened -- did you ask the guy to tutor you in TKD?"
"I did!"
"And what did he say?"
"That he won't charge me anything!"
"As a matter of fact -- he probably has a bone he would like to give you -- right?"
For the first time in my life, knowing Reyna, she got coy. "Yeah -- kinda."
"Kinda?"
"We didn't do nothing yet, but we -- kissed and seen each other's stuff!" She turned beet red.
I found my self in Google that night. I found myself in a remote convenience store the next morning -- looking at a huge selection of condums! I found myself back in the overflow parking area every chance I got -- almost every night the first week. But -- after awhile -- it got old. I wanted something more. Reyna was all but ready to throw her hands up. I know, I know! I was being stupid and immature! Uuuum - - I WAS 18!
I decided she was right, and stayed away from the overflow parking for -- all of 1 ½ weeks. But "something" drew me back there. Maybe some of you can identify with that something - -
In my defense, I was being actively and extremely choosey and careful -- I recognized a little guy that I'd "done" before. Actually we did each other. I didn't even know his name! We came. We saw. We sucked. We cummed. We left. It didn't take more than a nod and we found a secluded place and repeated the last performance. It was over in ten minutes. We didn't even kiss -- though he looked clean enough.
By secluded, I meant that we were just far enough away that in the semi-dark, no one could really tell who it was that was doing the nasty. I know -- like when I started going there, there were a number of guys who were intently interested in what we were doing, but would of course never venture close enough to - - see it up close.
When we were finished, I felt -- unclean -- dirty! (I know -- redundant!) And something else -- I felt -- unsatisfied. My partner thanked me and left. I was about to leave too, when one looming figure came by me. I froze. He walked by -- after stopping to scrutinize what he could in the nearly dark parking lot. There were some others still finishing up their encounters -- as evidenced by some grunts and groans and some moaning.
This guy was somehow different. He was big and -- looked almost -- was scared the word? He was in a baseball cap and a parka over the top of that. He was effectively unrecognizable, but his haunting eyes seemed to extend beyond the scope of the parka.
I got a bad feeling about this, so turned to walk back to my car in the other parking lot. As I walked to my car, which was parked off in a remote corner of the lot, I could hear footsteps -- maybe trying to mask themselves by keeping pace with me. I stopped suddenly. There were two extra steps taken by my assailant. Or at least that's how I felt about it.
I broke into a run. I was almost to my car when he yelled, "Mr. Hastings!" I ran around my car and opened the door before I stopped cold and peered over the top of my car. He stopped as well.
"What -- what do you -- um -- need?" I said, my voice shaking. He took a step closer. "Don't come closer -- please." I pleaded.
"I'm not gonna hurt you, Mr. Hastings. Please -- I want to talk to you."
"Who are you -- and how do you know me?"
"You're in my chem class -- and lab."
"You -- I mean -- I've never seen you! I'd recognize those eyes!" He had taken off the hood of his parka, so his eyes -- the ones that could not be seen altogether back in the overflow parking lot -- could now be seen. He looked somehow familiar. He was definitely of Indian decent -- or maybe Arab -- and large!
"My name's Ranj. I always sit way in back of the lecture room."
"Ranj - from India?"
"How did you know?" He said, getting an even more nervous look.
"Ranj sounds Indian to me." I said.
"Mr. Hastings, do you have time to -- um - -"
"Talk?! Maybe a little!" I said Lets go over to the Koffee Kup, and - "
I jumped into my car and he tried the passenger side. I was scared shitless. Good thing, `cuz other wise I might have shit my pants! He looked pleadingly through the window. The parking lot lights gave him a haunting appearance with his dark skin and dark eyes -- no telling what color in this light. But -- his face -- was -- at least in this light -- gorgeous.
My hand was shaking almost uncontrollably as I pushed the unlock button. He jumped quickly in the car, further scaring me, but I just kind of froze. He looked into my eyes. His were dark blue. "Hey, I didn't mean to scare you, Mr. -- um is there something else I can call you?"
"B -- ben."
"Well -- B -- ben, I am as nervous as you are -- scared." He touched my hand and a jolt of lightning went through me. "Sorry. Ben -- I've never done anything like this before. I was trying to keep a low profile back there in the back lot, but -- when I saw you -- I freaked out. I was sure you recognized me!"
"Why would I recognize you? Oh, that's right -- you're in my chem. Class."
"<<SIGH!>> "Ben -- um -- this is kind of embarrassing, but -- I just assumed that everyone was familiar with the football team -- and the guys on it. We are tied for first place with Bakersfield."
"Oh." I said, matter-of-factly.
"I guess I should be relieved that you don't know me, but -- I'm not used to that."
"So -- you must be some kind of f - football star?" I said.
"You know it's almost refreshing to not have someone falling all over themselves trying to -- to -- kiss my ass!"
"G-glad I could be of a -- asis -- sistance." I said, trembling almost uncontrollably.
"Heyy -- hey!" He said, with a concerned look on his face. "Ben." He firmly took my hand and started to gently stroke my arm. "It's okay, Ben -- it's okay. I followed you because I like you, Ben." He said gently. I went from mortified to mesmerized as he pulled me closer and peered into my eyes.
It was I who moved the few inched further. We were close enough to bring our faces -- and lips -- within a hair's breadth. It was he who let a shuddering breath go before kissing me. His eyes closed. Mine didn't. Our tongues touched. His long Indian eye lash stroked my cheek when he opened his eyes again.
"Omigod!" He whispered.
Ranj didn't have an accent. It was obvious that he grew up here. And also it was likely that he was of mixed heritage. He was big for an Indian. He came even closer to me and we hugged -- as close as we could over a middle console of a car. Then he started to shake.
While still holding on to me for dear life, he said, "Ben, I don't know what to do! I only went down there tonight to - - look. And look what I've done! What we've done!" He said over my shoulder.
It was I who grew bold now. I gently extricated myself from his death grip and looked into his eyes once again. "What do you want to do?" I asked. His eyes quickly averted from looking into mine. He looked one way then the other. I spoke again. "Ranj, say the word, and this never happened. I'll be the last one to tell anyone!" Already I was thinking of Reyna. How was I going to keep this from her?
"Ben - " He said, again looking into my eyes, "Everything that seems right, tells me that's exactly what we should do. It's what I WISH I could do. But -- it's NOT what I want to do. Not at all. I want -- I want - " He almost flew across the console at me and kissed me again, more forcefully than before.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He said. "Did I hurt you?"
"I'm okay."
"I think I bruised your face."
"Yeah, I think you did." I said, smiling slightly, as I gingerly fingered the place on my face where his chin collided with me. "But it's okay. It was worth it!"
"I'm serious Ben. What are we gonna do now. NO ONE can ever find out!"
"I agree. My dad would be hella pissed if -- if he knew -- for sure -- that his only son is gay." I said. "Dad was a star quarterback at Texas A&M. What position do you play?"
"Two. Kicker and -- offensive end. I go out to catch the passes."
"I can't see many guys trying to stop you!" I mused.
"Believe me, they do!" He said.
"Um -- I've been in the locker room plenty of times when the team was finished with practice. I often find an excuse to visit my locker -- late, after classes -- and I've never seen you there."
"I -- don't -- shower."
"Excuse me but -- ew!" I said.
"Haha! I mean I don't shower on campus. I go home. I've always been too afraid of popping a boner in the showers."
"I used to be. But I'm so nervous, it's never happened." I said. Why don't you smell now?"
"I have to make my lab. I'm excused from Thursday practice for lab." He stopped and looked at me, cocking his head. "Ben -- do you jack off very much?"
"Wo!" I said. "that's kind of a personal - "
"I do!" He said. "all the time! I usually think of one of the guys on the team. But -- lately -- I -- can't get -- this one guy out of my head."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, it's this one guy who sits in the front of the chem. Class and -- isn't afraid of blowing up the building every lab class."
"Which guy is - - oh." I said as the realization hit me.
"Yeah." He said, smiling slightly. Do you have plans this coming weekend?"
"Um -- I was gonna go to the mall with my best friend."
"My parents are gonna be going to India for a wedding. Be gone a whole week, actually. Do you wanna come over and -- and - "
" -- tutor you?"
"Huh?" Then it sunk in. "OHHhh! Shit yeah! That would make all kinds of sense! Then it wouldn't look so -- hey! Come over Friday night -- for dinner, and we will think of some way to spend the rest of the evening."
He smiled the first happy smile since meeting me. "Can you come?"
I laughed at the pun in his question. He got it and laughed too. "I'll be there! But -- you better be ready to study!"
"Don't worry, `B-ben', I WILL be studying the moment you step in the door!"
"I meant be ready to study some chemistry. If we're gonna make it look good, it has to be real."
"Oh. Yeah!" He said. He grinned again. "I gotta go, Ben -- Benny -- see you Friday!"
"Okay, Ranj -- Raunchy!" We both laughed, as he kissed me one last time before climbing out of my car.
Notes: Any comments would be welcome. Did this grab your attention? Shall I continue?" Please place "Ben" in the subject line and address comments to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and - - love, Steve