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Ben and Archer – Chapter 7
Sleeping over at my place became a regular occurrence since that one night. Maybe it was me enjoying my time with Archer, maybe it was him needing someone to hold to be able to sleep soundly at night, or maybe it was just both of us craving another person's touch after being alone for so long. Either way, he was staying over 4-5 nights a week now and cuddling was now an unspoken routine between us.
I don't think we are embarrassed or ashamed by it per se, but I think if we talk about it then it might get weird. And besides, not everything in life needs to be talked about. Especially because I started to have strange feelings for Archer creep up inside me that I didn't understand nor want to analyze right now.
All of this was on my mind this morning mainly because Archer had spent the night at his dorm last night so I woke up alone in bed. I felt lonely without him there next to me and I'm not sure why. See what I mean? Feelings I don't understand. I brushed them off and got up to begin my morning routine.
Coffee, shower, breakfast. I sat in the kitchen about to start catching up on the news like I always do but instead I just sat there feeling sad and alone. When Archer stays over we always wake up and make breakfast together while talking and joking. I've never been the clingy type but I've never had a best friend like him before and since we've been hanging out so much the apartment just feels empty without him there. It's like there is less life there without the both of us laughing and making a mess in the kitchen.
After deciding that I'm being crazy I pull on my workout clothes and head outside to go run for a bit. I could use a little time outside and the cardio would be pretty nice, too. I mapped it out once that the particular path I'm taking it a little over two and a half miles to get back to my complex. I stretch for a bit and then begin my jog.
Jogging was definitely a good idea. The sun was out so I was getting some nice vitamin D and the rays it was giving off was definitely cheering me up and lightening my mood. I still had pretty good stamina from my track days in high school but I'd by lying if I said I ran the whole time without stopping.
As I was making my way back, I took off my tank top to cool down for a bit just as the two girls that live in my complex and go to my school were heading out to the pool. It had to have been the workouts that I'd been doing with Archer because now they suddenly noticed me and my more chiseled body. I smiled a waved at them which caused them to giggle and wave back. It was a friendly gesture but it didn't elicit the same response in me that it would have a few months ago. I remember seeing them in the pool and being grateful I didn't pop a huge boner before heading to campus but now I just smiled and waved.
Something was changing about me and it was making me nervous. I'm pretty sure I knew but I wanted to talk to a few people first just to make sure. Once back inside my nice, cool apartment I grabbed my phone to send out a couple messages.
"Hey Jonathan, it's Ben. When you're free I'd love to get together and talk to you about something. Let me know!"
I put the phone down and went to take a second shower to rinse off all the sweat and dirt that accumulated on me from my run when I heard my phone go off in the other room. I dried off quickly and headed into my room butt naked because I was eager to see what he had to say.
"Hey man! My only class got cancelled today so if you wanna grab some coffee we could talk or something. You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine and coffee sounds great. Is Aaron free? I'd also like his opinion as well."
"Yeah, he's ditching class today. He has a project to finish up so if he's joining us then we might not be able to meet for very long just because I'll need to take him back home to keep working."
"That's cool, but thanks I'm looking forward to it!"
Once we had established a time and a place I felt a huge rush of nerves take over me. I knew what I wanted to talk to them about but it still made my stomach turn. I put my phone on the nightstand and looked down to see that my dick was hard and throbbing with me standing there in the nude. I figured it was a nervous boner because I wasn't leaking any pre-cum and there was certainly nothing that should be turning me on right now so I ignored it and began getting dressed again.
I had arrived at the coffee shop first and found a nice, quiet place to sit while I waited for the two lovebirds to arrive. About 10 minutes later they walked in smiling and laughing at something as I waved them over. We exchanged friendly hugs and got our coffee before sitting back down again.
"So what's up? Whatever is on your mind sounds serious if you're trying to get two opinions," Jonathan said after taking a big gulp of chai tea glancing at Aaron who also looked puzzled. There was no easy way to segue into this so I just let it out.
"Okay, so, how does one know if they're bisexual or gay?"
Silence. Long silence. Uncomfortable silence. It was killing me!
In reality, only a few seconds of stunned silence passed as they soaked in my question but for me it felt like an eternity. It was Aaron who spoke up first.
"Now, I could play dumb and ask if you're wondering how we personally came to the conclusion of our sexuality but I don't think that's the case or why you asked us here. So what is causing you to question your sexuality, Ben?"
I couldn't help but smile. Aaron had always been the more blunt of the two which is why I was glad he made it out to talk today.
"Truth be told, it's Archer."
They both exchanged glances and smiled at each other.
"What's with the look?" I said nervously looking both of them over.
"We could tell that there was a spark there! It was just so weird to us because we immediately saw your chemistry together but you both said you're straight. Okay, start from the very beginning with everything between the two of you," Jonathan said with a kind smile.
And so I did. I recounted every little detail from how we met, our first encounter at the gym when he was touching my muscles during the workout, the night he got drunk after the game and we woke up with wood, when we eventually had our little circle jerk, and all the way to where we are now with him staying over and spooning with me almost every night. I also made sure to include the break up which explained how the spooning began.
When I finished, I was doing my best to cover up my rock hard dick. Talking about everything and remembering every detail of our interactions together really made me horny for some reason. Again, another reason why I needed to talk this out with them.
"To be quite honest, everything leading up to you guys cuddling every night just sounds like your typical "bro stuff"," Aaron said while making the little quotation marks with his fingers. "I can see why you're confused right now because the cuddling is the only thing in your friendship that appears to be overly intimate as far as friends go let alone "straight" friends."
"Yeah, and sorry to make things awkward but you're doing a very poor job covering up your boner over there which means in some way Archer arouses you sexually," Jonathan said flatly. He wasn't trying to make things awkward but my erection did add to the confusion. It didn't help that Aaron didn't notice at first but was now staring at my bulging crotch with wide eyes. I'm not huge by any means but maybe I'm bigger than him or Jonathan because he was staring hard.
"Aaron, eyes up here, dude," I said with a smile. Aaron looked up quickly and blushed.
"I'm sorry! I didn't notice before but it's definitely not a small thing to ignore now that its out there," he said glancing at my large erection again.
"No it is not..." Jonathan said with his eyes also glued to my dick.
"Guys! Enough!" I said adjusting myself with a smile. "This isn't helping!"
"Right, sorry," Aaron said slapping his boyfriend on the shoulder to wake him from his trance. "Okay, well I have a few follow-up questions for you. Have you ever been sexually attracted to another man before?"
I thought for a minute. "No. I can find guys physically attractive but this is the first time thinking about a guy has made me hard or anything and I've never been emotionally attracted to a guy before."
"Okay, when you watch porn is it always straight porn? When you're super in the mood does it ever travel to 3 ways with two guys or even all the way to gay porn?"
I sat there again for a minute thinking back. "Honestly, no. I mean, I like 3-way action in porn but I've never given much thought to the guys in the scene." For some reason, this was not at all where I saw this conversation going. Aaron was making me doubt my doubts if that makes any sense.
"Hmmm. Final question: aside from Archer's orgasm making you cum in the moment during your little circle jerk, did you have any urge to reach over an touch him?" he asked with his brow furrowing.
"Actually, no, not really. We were just doing our thing and watching him cum was kinda hot but I didn't feel like touching him at any point," I finished while looking down into my empty coffee cup.
"Well, I hate to say it, I think, but you're definitely not gay and I don't really think you're bi either," Aaron said with a gentle softness in his voice like he was trying to let me down easy. "I think it's just a little bro crush you have and maybe it's amplified because you've been single for a while and are lonely. Archer and you have a very deep connection as friends so maybe you're misinterpreting that as more than it is. As for the cuddling, I can't say much to that other than I'm going to have some hot dreams tonight, but if you've been cuddling all month with no action I think it's just innocent bro cuddling. I mean, most gay or bi guys go through a sort of sexual awakening in their teens or very early 20s but you don't seem to have done that. You're very comfortable in yourself, which I think is great, but nothing has ever made you want to explore the other side of your sexuality."
Aaron was silent for a second before gently voicing his observation. "You look very sad now. Were you wanting to be bi or gay?" It was Jonathan who spoke up next.
"Well hold on now, let's not let anything get too concrete just yet. Babe, you made some very good points that I didn't think of at first but I still think the door is open for Archer to maybe float to the middle of the sexuality spectrum. You're right, he's never explored his sexuality YET but maybe that's just because he's always been so comfortable in himself that he felt like he never had to. He said it himself, he can find a guy physically attractive but only ever dated women. So what would happen if he actually did try and explore with a man?"
I was glad that both of them had come. They were giving me two different vantage points and listening to them debate my sexuality allowed me to sit back as objectively as possible and take everything in.
Aaron looked at me and said, "He's also kind of right. You know what you need to do? You need to go home and watch some gay porn. Try looking at guys sexually in the act and see what it does for you. If nothing, then you're just a very secure straight guy which is awesome because we need more people like you in the world. If you start getting hard and it makes you cum, then maybe you are closer to the bi side. I don't think that means you'll immediately be able to jump up and get a boyfriend but at least you'll know better where you land sexually."
"Yeah, I think you're right. Maybe I do need to watch a little gay porn to see what it does to me and that'll add another clue to solving the puzzle," I said finally speaking up. "Thanks guys, this was a huge help!" This was definitely the weirdest sentence that has ever come out of my mouth. It even sounded like a cheap porn line.
"Well hold up now," Jonathan said. We both looked at him confused.
"What's the problem babe?" Aaron asked looking over at him.
"We may have helped you discover a little more about yourself and if you go home and enjoy the gay porn and you think you're bi then that's great! But it still doesn't mean that Archer is."
I sank down in my chair with that thought and I even saw Aaron getting a little crestfallen.
"Fuck, I hadn't thought of that," Aaron said while picking up Jonathan's hand in his. "Ben, you still need to figure out your sexuality for yourself but if you discover and accept that you are bi afterwards you need to be careful around Archer."
"Wait, why?" I said in earnest confusion.
"Well think about it, you'll just be coming into your own after accepting that you are at least physically attracted to men, if not emotionally just yet, and right now you have a hot ass man sharing a bed with you almost every night. You may start wanting things that Archer doesn't and you could find yourself getting hurt if you act on something and he rejects you. You two are insanely close as "bros" and a rejection like that could easily put a huge rift between you," Jonathan replied looking back towards me.
Fuck, this was just way too complicated. I knew what both of them were saying was right but it hurt just the same, especially that last bit about Archer. Jonathan was right, even if I found and accepted that I was at least bi, Archer isn't and wouldn't want me the same way.
We stayed and chatted for a bit before Aaron had to go home to finish his project. I drove home with more answers about myself than I had before arriving but left feeling emptier and more alone than ever. Archer had text me a few times while we were hanging out but I didn't want to be rude and text him while they were trying to help me. I decided not to check the messages until I was at home and changed into more comfortable clothes.
"Sup dude! What are you doing tonight? I was thinking we could hang out and I could sleep over tonight." That was the first message I read and I ignored the others.
I read the message over and over again but chose not to respond just yet. My conversation with Jonathan and Aaron was still fresh in my mind and there was something I needed to do first. I left my phone in the kitchen and grabbed my computer and headed towards my room.
I was undressed and in bed before I knew it. My heart was pounding against my chest and I had a cold, nervous sweat on my brows. I glanced down and saw that I was not even remotely hard at the prospect of watching porn but I knew I had to anyways. Aaron had suggested a couple of sites with softer gay porn that he thought would be good for easing myself in rather than me accidentally pulling up some rough shit or something that would freak me out. My hand was shaking like a leaf in the wind but I managed to pull up a video of a cute guy in a solo video and press play.
For whatever reason, I just couldn't touch myself. The moment the video started playing, I was frozen in my spot with my eyes glued to the screen. The guy in the video was definitely hot and had a nice body but it was just so different for me that there wasn't a girl in the video that I had a hard time getting over that. Not to mention, the more I looked at the guy the more I realized he looked like a freaking Ken doll.
His body was perfectly sculpted and toned without a single hair on him or his dick. He was blond with short hair and blue eyes. I don't know, something about his fake, porn-styled appearance pulled me out of the moment. I tried opening a couple different videos from the free site I was on but they were all the same: blond hair, blue eyes, sculpted bodies, and overly big, thick dicks. They were literally clones of each other. As if real men looked like that. I think I understood what women were talking about with "unrealistic expectation" for ladies in porn because these men just looked too fake for me to take seriously and get off to. I looked into the corner of the video and saw the name "Bel Ami" and assumed that was the studio. How they managed to recruit this many clones I'll never know but that was beside the point; I think I had the answer I was looking for.
Whether it was the pressure I was putting on myself or the clones in the video, I was barely even halfway hard let alone cumming like crazy at the sight of men. Looks like I'm straight after all.
I gave up my sad attempt to jerk off, closed my laptop, and walked naked into the kitchen to get my phone.
"Hey dude! Sorry I didn't get back to you, I was hanging with Jonathan and Aaron. Yeah come on over! We'll play some video games and you can cook me dinner!" I finished the text with that dumb little wink emoji and put my phone back on the counter. I figured if I was straight there was no harm in still hanging out with Archer and us cuddling. Truth be told, I am very lonely and I wasn't too keen on the idea of him not spending the night anymore in the off chance it would "hurt me".
I got dressed and watched a little TV before Archer was knocking at the door. I answered and he came in with his traditional big smile and, randomly, a sack of groceries. He was seriously going to cook me dinner! I smiled at how cool of a friend he was.
We were out of beer and liquor so we just drank water and sodas for the night and had a really good time hanging out. It was definitely good having him back because I was serious that the apartment felt dead and lifeless without him there.
The later it got, the more I was yawning and stretching signaling that I was ready for bed. I excused myself first to go through my nightly routine and did what I needed to in the bathroom. I heard Archer moving around the living room and the sounds of the lights and electronics being turned off so I knew he wasn't far behind me.
"Oh damn it!" I heard him say after he came into my bedroom.
"What's up?" I managed to muffle through the toothpaste in my mouth.
"I left my sleeping shirt at the dorm. Mind if I go without it tonight man?"
I looked over at him and nodded without thinking about it much further. I finished up what I needed to and by the time I was walking out, Archer had already changed into his sleeping shorts and was standing there bare-chested with his amazingly strong, tanned body. I froze and felt a jolt run through me all the way to my dick where I could feel it swelling in my boxers. "Wait, what the fuck?!" I thought to myself at my dick's reaction.
He didn't notice and moved past me so he could brush his teeth and whatnot so I quickly made my way into bed and under the covers before he figured out what was going on. It didn't make any sense! I had watched gay porn earlier and couldn't even get it up but then Archer standing there, not even naked, makes my dick spring to life?! I thought for a second before it finally hit me: all of those porn guys were blond and unrealistic. Meanwhile, Archer has beautiful dark features and is actually attainable. Fuck my stupid fucking life. Why didn't I watch any porn with brunette models or something? I've always been more attracted to brunette girls so why the hell was I watching some shit with blond surfer dudes?
I don't think this cements that I'm bi but rather that I need to try that porn thing again but with different models. Ugh, why am I so stupid?! I was still throbbing hard when Archer finished up and walked back into the room. My eyes followed him and his amazing body all the way until he crawled under the covers with me. As it had been all month, he laid there for an "appropriate" amount of time the he somehow determines before he felt it was okay to roll over and pull me into him with his strong arms.
Tonight was different, though. I had been questioning my sexuality all day and this was the first time he had ever slept over without a shirt. I only wore a thin wife beater to bed so once he was against me, I could feet his strong, smooth, warm skin directly against mine. This feeling made my dick throb again and I could feel something wet in my shorts. Yep, there goes the pre-cum. Fuck! I think now I could admit to myself that, even without porn confirmation, I was probably bisexual if this was my reaction to him.
We don't usually talk when we cuddle but for some reason Archer was feeling chatty tonight. Maybe it was because we didn't hang out last night or something. I could feel his hot breath on the back of my neck as he spoke which only brought goosebumps to my skin.
"So how are Jonathan and Aaron?"
I cleared my throat trying not to sound too nervous or off, "They're doing as great as ever. Cutest couple I've ever seen!" He laughed and agreed with me. We had all hung out a couple times and I could tell he really liked them. They're very fun to be around when we're not having serious discussion in a coffee shop.
"What were you guys talking about that had you so involved you were ignoring my texts?"
"How I'm actually bisexual and attracted to you." I thought to myself. How the fuck was I going to get around this?
"Ehh, not much just dumb things. A lot about sexuality and whatnot. It's fun talking about that stuff with gay guys." I figured lying would be too hard so I decided to just bend the truth and make that more convincing.
"Yeah, sexuality is a funny little thing. You thinking about switching to the other side?" he joked. "Our little cuddle time making you all hot for me?" He was laughing and I started to chuckle but there was no way for me to prepare myself for what happened next. He reached down to playfully grab my crotch innocently to go with his joke when he was actually met with my hard dick.
He retracted his hand so fast the covers flew off me. "Oh shit! Ben I'm sorry! I..." he trailed off not finishing his sentence. I felt like I was going to throw up. I had never been more nervous and uncomfortable in my life. Without missing a beat, he rolled away from me onto his back and just lay there staring at the ceiling not saying a word.
I tried my best to gloss the situation over by laughing and saying, "Man! Why are you grabbing my night wood?" "Night wood"? Who the fuck says "night wood"? There was no way that seemed convincing. I rolled halfway over since I was still pretty hard and didn't want there to be a huge tent in the sheets making things even more awkward.
It was very quiet in my room for a few minutes, neither of us knowing what to say.
"So... when you say you guys were talking about sexuality..." he began but couldn't find a way to finish the sentence.
Words were lost on me, too, and I felt like I was going to cry. Archer was figuring everything out and I could see images of our friendship crashing and burning in front of my eyes. I understood now that this is what Jonathan meant by me getting hurt.
I rolled back over onto my side where I was before he groped me and said, "Man, it's nothing like that. I'm not gay, we've already been over this before. I just had a boner. Just drop it." Against my will, I felt tears forming in my eyes as one slowly trickled down my face into the pillow.
Archer continued to rest there for a minute saying nothing before he rolled over trying to get back into cuddling position but I pushed him back.
"Hey, I don't think that's a good idea. I don't know, it's already weird tonight. Let's just go to bed."
He froze for a minute and without saying anything, finished rolling over towards me and pulled me back into him wrapping his strong arm securely around my chest. I was once again enveloped in his warmth and shivered. I knew he felt that because he let out a snort against my shoulder. He took in a deep breath and said, "Alright, talk to me. What did you mean you guys were talking about sexuality? And don't lie to me, please. You're my best friend."
I thought frantically for a way out of this before I finally gave up. I also took in a deep breath before speaking, "I was just a little confused this morning and felt that I might be... bi. I don't know, Archer, I'm not saying I am so don't freak. That's why I hung out with them to talk about it."
"What makes you think that you're bi?"
"Again, I don't know. I don't even know that I am but... when I woke up alone this morning with you at the dorm I just felt weird and lonely. I mean c'mon, straight guys don't think like that. So I started questioning myself. I'm not saying I'm about to jump your bones or anything."
He was silent for a bit before saying, "Well, I know what you mean. It sucks waking up alone and I hated it this morning so I get what you're saying."
I reaffirmed for him, "Again, I'm not saying I'm in love with you and am about to jump on top of you or something. I just asked the question and we talked about it."
I felt him chuckle and he said, "Damn, you're really not that attracted to me that you wouldn't climb on top? I'm hurt, man!" I also laughed and slapped the arm he had draped over me. "Asshole," I managed to say through my short laughs.
He was silent again before saying, "Okay, well, then why were you hard if you're not attracted to me or anything?"
Fuck! Couldn't he just let this go?!
"Dude, I don't know. You've got a nice body and you're really warm so maybe that's what did it."
"Ah! So you do think I'm attractive!" he said with a smile in his voice.
I sighed and said, "Fine, yes. You're very attractive. In more ways than one." I'm not entirely sure why I added that last part but it just came out naturally.
After a few more moments of silence he said, "Okay dude, look at me" and began pulling me to turn me over towards him. I resisted because I honestly didn't want to face him but he's so strong I had no choice. I rolled over and adjusted myself so I could face him more comfortably and saw that he had nothing but love and kindness in his eyes. That made me feel good that he wasn't freaking out so maybe this wouldn't be so bad and we actually could move past this.
He looked at me and said, "I'm honestly not sure what's going on or what to say even." I looked down and closed my eyes waiting for the dreaded "easy let down" he was preparing me for. "but... I'm glad you told me. Truth be told... I think you're pretty attractive, too, I guess..."
I slowly opened my eyes as I felt two of his fingers under my chin lifting my gaze to meet his. "What?" I thought to myself. He licked his lips but didn't break eye contact.
He held our gaze for a second before his hand grabbed the side of my head and he slowly pulled me closer to him until his lips touched mine. My heart has never raced so hard and fast in my life. He broke the kiss first and continued to look into my eyes.
I took a deep breath and dove back in pressing my lips against his. He snorted a quick laugh at my eagerness and happily returned my kiss. It was soft kisses for a minute before I felt his mouth open a bit. I slowly opened mine and allowed our tongues to explore each other's mouths for a bit. Again, he was the first one to break our kiss but he did so with a smile.
"Okay dude, I think that's enough. Let's go to bed."
He gave me a little wink to show he wasn't ending our make-out secession maliciously, but the moment between us had passed and it was definitely over. I rolled back over to our original position and felt him scoot up behind me. I laughed as I felt his hard dick pressing into my ass and without thinking wiggled my butt into him. He laughed and said, "Caught me. Now leave it alone and go to bed."
I did as he commanded and after a few seconds felt his hand drop to my crotch to grab my own hard dick. He laughed again and pulled his hand back to my chest and didn't push for anything to go further.
I'm not sure what exactly happened here tonight, but there are two things I know for certain: one is I'm definitely bisexual, and the other is Archer has incredibly soft lips.