Ben

Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)

First appeared on Bill N' Bob's Place BBS of Cleveland, the story was inspired by Fantasy #550. I sat on this for three months before I found myself editing it again for the BBS, and then later re-edited it for Usenet. Kudos for whoever wrote the original story, which to this day, I don't know who that was and if it did actually happened. Basically expanding what had been written, I wanted to explore that other taboo of human nature (kinda found it kinky myself.. heh heh huh huh huh huh huh yeah uhm yeah. That's kewl) The original ending was pretty thin to be believable to me, but then I always seem to think of other subplots to make it believe. Still, in the process of re-editing it, I took out the corny parts, the parts which didn't work, repetitive or just out of place. The ending itself is an original piece, which never made it to the BBS release (Gee, I feel like I'm making liner notes for Ben SE...I think I know now how Cameron feels like...).

Given the constraints of my working directory in FN, I had to hack it up into four parts, though I think this is a wise choice because some sites have smaller drive space and that some working directory could be like mine. Also, given the fact that I could actually sell this piece and make some money out of it, I decided to just hack it up. I have thought of how I should end this just in time for Christmas, but I'm not gonna get any sleep if I do that. Maybe I will. I don't know.

I guess I was tired of the wham-bam-thank-you-sir kind of story or those stories with cookie-cute-ass-muscular-hunk-with-a- mother-fucker-of-a-dick that I decided to write a story of my own. I tried to flesh out the characters a bit, trying to make it as believable as I can given the circumstances they were in. A first piece from me, since I never got to finish the other projects I started on. Oh well, at least I know I CAN finish what I started.

Hopefully this will bring about some refreshing views on the stories that can finally be an all encompassing experience for all of us, make it straight, gay, bi's, TSs, TVs, fat, thin, old, young, 12", 5" and other garden variety of people (everything is beautiful, in it's on way.... huh huh huh huh huh uhm yeah. That's a kewl song).

On a final note: if you guys (or gals) ever decided on trying this on your own (SHWING!!!) with your father(or mother)- in-laws, go right aHEAD!!! vinkvink* But just make sure you have your rubber aka suit aka raincoat aka glove on... Not only to prevent them from getting pregnant (well shrug you never know these days), but also to protect your own Ben Catalano from getting it from you or you from him/her. SafeR sex is the key.

Ok. Guess you guys had enough of me ramblin'.

We return you to our regular broadcast.

noisesnow*

Well, I wanted to wait till I get input on this thing, but as I wrote it I found out that the whole thing was too huge! Can't even fit my ftp files space! So, instead of waiting for my friends to edit it, I just say what the heck, and post it here.

This story had appeared in a BBS before, and though it may seem familiar, it ain't (you can call it an SE of the original release - LD owners, rejoice!!).

Frank

All rights reserved. No part of this story may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission by the author. This piece is a work of fiction. The characters, names, incidents, dialogue, and plot are the products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental.

Ben downed his last drop of beer with fervor. That was the eighth one in a row. One more and I got to drag him out of the bar.

We were at his favorite spot, where a couple of his friends were. It was now late at night, near closing time, and most of his friends were gone. Some who stayed weren't talking to him because they know they wouldn't make any sense to him. He was drunk as a skunk.

He ordered another one, his last one. What amazed me was that he knew that his ninth glass of beer would always be his last one. I don't think a drunk could keep the score. Freddy nodded, filled the glass up, and gave it to Ben. I just sat there next to him with my club soda half empty, watching as he looked broodingly in his glass. His shoulders hunched, his hair a bit tussled, but his clothes was as neat as the moment he stepped in the bar. One other thing that I could never figure out.

He drew in a long breath before he picked up the glass, put it on his lips and drank it. Gulp by gulp it went down his throat. He stopped to take a breath, and went back at it again till the glass was empty for the last time that night.

Not a drop of beer was spilt.

He wiped the beer from his lips and moved his right hand slowly upwards across my shoulders.

"Come on son. Let's go back."

He pressed his body against mine, a signal to me that he couldn't stand straight and that he needed my help to support himself. He was too proud to ask me in front of his friends in his favorite bar. It would not be manly. That was not his style.

I slammed the door for him after sitting him up slowly and securing him with the seat belt. The night was cool with a slight breeze, a good night for the fall season. It was pleasant enough for a walk down the park, a luxury I didn't have anymore.

I took my seat, put on my seat belt, turned on the engine, and looked at Ben. His head was drooping and his hands were motionless, but he was not sleep. I could hear him breathing and wondered if he was comfortable sitting like that. I stepped on the gas and the engine roared.

It had been two months now since Lisa, my wife, died from a robbery attempt gone awry. She died instantly, I was told, and had been lying on the bank floor for almost thirty minutes before stand-off was over. I was at work when the police informed me. Ben was on a plane to Cleveland when I told him about it, half an hour before the scheduled landing. Hopkins International Airport had landing delays and the flight landed thirty minutes late. One full hour of being alone, crying on a plane full of strangers.

I wish I could have been on the same flight as he was. At least we could have cried in each other's arms when we found out about it. I could still hear him crying when we hugged at the terminal.

Lisa was all he had left, the only daughter that the Catalano ever had. She was his little angel, a rose he would save if it had fallen in an abyss. He was hurt when Abby left him for another man, a younger man that she kept for years. He turned to us for support and now that he had no one else to turn to, he turned to beer and me, his son-in-law.

I never should have married Lisa. She was too kind, too patient, too loving for me to ever return her love back. She was very understanding when, after eight years of marriage, I came out to her even though I never shared a bed with another man since we got married. It was one of the most stupid things that I had ever done, bowing to social and family pressures to be a husband. She never told anyone, and neither did I. I gave her all the financial, emotional, and sexual needs that I could give, but I knew she was hurt because she knew I was unhappy.

One night when I was inside her, among the things that I promised her I would do in our arrangement, she stopped me halfway and held me close. I started to cry, and then she cried too. After that we just held each other till we fell asleep, reminiscingm and pondering. We decided that it was best if we kept it going, at least till our two little kids know better. Now that she's gone, all was lost.

I turned off the engine and got out of the car. Ben's head was still drooping and he was drooling slightly. I put his arm over my shoulder and put mine across his back. I pulled him close to me and slowly brought him to his feet. It took me awhile to balance this massive man and myself on our feet, but I managed to do it. With my free hand, I slipped it into his pants and found the keys where he always kept it, in his right pocket. I unlocked the front door and went in.

I turned on the lights and looked around the room as I dragged him in. Perhaps Ben was so depressed because he still lived in this house that the once happy family lived in. It was the Catalano's one and only home, the one they duely paid their mortgage on, and the one they brought up their daughter in. It was also the house where we had our wedding party at and where our two children were born in. This house that was once so full of life was now so empty.

I took to the stairs and wondered how many more nights must I do this. Even though it didn't happen all the time, I didn't appreciate the fact that I was spending my weekend nights over at my father-in-law's house. I had my own home too, and children to take care of. I had work to get done, garden to tend to, lawn to mow and garage to clean up. And I need to mourn the loss of Lisa, my friend and the mother of our children, that I never got finished doing. Fourteen years was a long time to be with somebody.

I struggled to reach Ben's room which was way down the hall. His feet kept dragging on the carpet and it was hard to keep our balance up. The room was dark except for the lights from the streetlamps outside. It helped me made out the large bed right in the center of the room. Slowly I sat him up on the bed and turned on the bedside lamp. I plumped up the pillows for him and gently laid his head on it. After pulling his dangling feet from the side of the bed and putting it on the mattress, I took off his shoes and socks one by one. Ben could not sleep with his socks on.

I was done for the night.

I could not go back to my house. Ben was drunk and he would need help in getting to the bathroom the next morning. I had to standby outside of the bathroom in case he falls down while taking his shower. Somebody had to make a pot of strong coffee, and make sure he didn't fall off the stairs from the hangover. For somebody who had been in in control all of his life, I knew he hated me for being there. But I had to, because we only have each other.

As I was about to leave the room, to head to the spare bedroom next to the masterbedroom, I caught the light from the bedside lamp reflected on the dresser's mirror. I knew I had forgotten something. I walked back to the bed and reached for the switch. Ben was breathing slowly, half asleep in his drunkenness.

Then something happened.

Part 2

It was the first time I had ever took a good look at Ben as a man, a person of my sex. His greying black hair, sweeping to the side, looked wonderful in the light. His closed eyelids seemed peaceful, hiding those bright blue eyes that he and Lisa had in common. His nose arched delicately, adding to the warm appearance of his face. His full greying beard was heavenly soft, that tickled me when he first hugged me years ago. And his lips was sensuously smooth, unlike no other lips I had seen in my life. He was beautiful. By God, he was so beautiful.

I noticed how he smelled. His slightly opened shirt exposed the furry greying hair, which blanketed most of his wide chest. His muskiness rose up from his warm body through the shirt, filling my nose with the sweet, erotic smell of man I had forgotten. I cupped both of my hands to my nose, and savored the intense smell of him. Ben Catalano, the drunk I took care of for this past few months, the man I knew as my father-in-law, had brought back that powerful sexual desires in me.

And it's too goddamn strong to hold back.

My bulge was growing and my cock was aching to be worked on. I stood there shaking, knowing that I was about to commit myself into having my way with Ben. It was just a matter of time before it happen. God! I never felt so horny in my life, watching this burly man sleeping. Goddamnit!

I unbuttoned my shirt quickly, almost to the point of tearing it off. The pain in my crotch needed relief, and it needed the relief fast. I unbuckled my belt and unzipped my pants. Being half- naked brought temporary relief, but my hard cock still strained against my underwear. I looked down at my belly and noticed the weight I had gained cause by stress since Lisa's death. It didn't matter, Ben wasn't going to complain. If he did, I'd shut him up. I stumbled to the floor, banging my knees to the carpet, my shoes did me in. Ben opened his eyes slowly.

"John? Is that you? What are you doing over there?" he said slowly.

I knew he could see me clearly, naked to the calves, trying to get my shoes and socks off. I wanted to say something, but my ache for him was too much. I needed to take Ben now. Soon I was free of all my clothes.

I got up and straddled him, my hands pulled his shirt up, my shaking fingers worked swiftly to unbutton his shirt, my exposed butt resting on his stomach, my knees on his side. The more I worked on it, the harder I got. Ben was now awake in his drunkenness, looking down at my fingers as they did his last button. He looked at me, but I couldn't look at his face now. If I did, I wouldn't be able to contain myself. Ben look at my nakedness with apprehension, and more so as he felt my throbbing cock touched his stomach. I eased downward and fumbled with the zipper, almost crying out in anger as I did. He got more nervous as I pulled his pants down hard, snagging at the knee but finally made it through. I looked at the underwear that he had on, and Ben looked at it too. I could tell that he was scared now, and fought hard to get his faculties together. I yanked the underwear before his hands could get a grip at it, and pulled it free. Now we were both naked.

"John, what are you doing? What the hell are you trying to do to me?" His eyes were wild. He wanted to get up, but I pushed him down hard and felt my fingers tickled by the thick chest hairs. Ben just laid there in shock, surprised as to the turn of events, afraid of what was coming next. His hand moved to cover his genitals, ashamed of being naked with me in such a compromising position, though in reality he wouldn't call it a compromise.

I let my face crash down on his pubic hair, smelling his sweat. Never did a man smelled so good to me. I kissed it, and moved lower to his balls, forcing his hands away with my face. I took one sac in my mouth, and amazed myself how I almost forgot how it feels like. Ben's hands was at my ears, not moving, afraid of inciting me any further. His soft dick kept leaning against my cheeks, making me hotter than ever. I sucked through the length of it, tasting whatever it was at the tip of his dick. He didn't move, nor did he groaned. It was just too much for my cock.

I had to find some kind of slick, wet liquid for lubrication. My brain raced, trying to think of something that was slippery and slick. Then I remembered the way Ben's hairs melled. He had to be using some sort of greasy hair cream, and from the way his hair looked, the cream was what I needed. I hurried to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. The hair cream was in a big container, more than enough for me. I took it and returned to the bedroom.

Ben tried to move again, trying clumsily to get up.

"Don't you move Ben, not unless you want me to hit you."

It came out of my mouth as if I had said that to a hundred men before. Instinctive.

"I mean it."

Ben looked at me, his eyes blank with shock. Only then did I looked back. I was lusting for him, wanting to be inside him, knowing that the more I wait, the more it hurts. And then he caught on and knew what I was about to do to him.

"Please John. Don't do it please. Please. Please..."

If Ben trembled, I didn't see it. I gazed long and hard at his eyes. He was scared shitless. I looked down at his naked, beautiful body. His chest was full with hair that I would have loved to snuggle to. It lead down to his groin. I looked at Ben's limp dick, resting against his balls. If it was in different circumstances, I would have loved to have it in my mouth, to let it grow hard, to move my lips up and down its shaft until he filled up my hungry mouth with semen. But that was not the case now. I had to make myself come. I had to relieve my manhood inside of him and share with him my seed.

I took my place between his legs and pushed his hairy legs apart as far as it could go. His hands had came back to his genitals, protecting it like a nest. I took off the lid on the hair cream container and had in my hand a big gob of greasy cream in my hand. Cupping my hands, I shoved it between Ben's legs, below his hanging balls. He took a sharp breath as he felt my hands feeling him there, greasing his ass hole and cheeks. I took several quick jabs with my middle finger into his ass and heard him gasp. I looked up and saw him straining to see what I was doing to him there. His face now showed traces of fear I had not seen on him before. There was some grease left in my hand, and I grabbed my cock with it. God, it felt good. It had been so long, so goddamn long. I stroke it up and down, making sure that it would be a smooth entry for me. Ben looked on as I played with myself for a brief while. It felt good to have him watch me.

I moved in closer. His eyes grew wide as he looked at the shiny greased cock, hard against my stomach, pointing directly towards his face. My hands intruded his nest. He persisted but I knew I was stronger. I played with his limp dick roughly, lubricating it with what grease I have left but my hands didn't stay long. It crept up to his belly, feeling again his chest, and then moved to his hands. With one swift move, I thrusted my body to his, my hairy legs against his, my throbbing cock against his limp dick, and my chest to his. His arms were pinned hard up above his head. The only parts of our bodies that didn't come in contact yet were our faces, and my hard cock and his asshole.

"Please don't do this. Please John, please please don't do this," he pleaded. I didn't like to see him plead, this strong man I admired and craved for. My face moved closer to his.

"Please John, please..." He cracked, and I saw tears rolling down his cheeks. Right then I wanted to stop, hated to see him that way. Somehow I didn't.

"This won't take long."

Part 3

I shifted my hips upwards. I pushed his legs open, and heard Ben breathed out. My legs got underneath his and I made his legs rest on mine, and then I shifted my hip upwards, bringing his ass up from the bed. My hands pinned his, stopping it from punching the lights out of me. Then I lowered my back, only this time beneath his balls. I pushed slowly to get to where I wanted, to the little hole that he had. After much probing around, I finally found it because the hole puckered up upon contact. His eyes grew wider when he felt me there. His legs wanted to close up, his hands wanted to break free. But I knew that I had him, and he knew that too. His tears were rolling down fast, his face becoming more pleading.

I couldn't take any more of this.

I pressed my lips hard against his, feeling him resisting me, trying to move his head away. My insides were burning as I felt his beard on my face. He kept on moving his head, avoiding me. He was making it harder for me because all of my muscles were being used to hold him down.

Except one.

I stopped pushing my lips, just letting it rest on his. With one breath, I pushed my way in his ass as hard as I could. He opened his mouth to cry out, wanting to scream and right there I seized my moment. I pressed my lips hard on him. He tried to shut his mouth back but my presence before his ass made his jaws gave away. I pushed my tongue deep inside him, feeling the sides, the teeth, and the tongue. I could hear his muffled scream as the pain of being fucked for the first time overwhelmed him.

I pushed my rigid cock further in his ass. Damnit, I didn't get pass the sphincter yet. He was so tight that I took a couple of strained breaths between kissing him and fucking him. Then I felt myself inched in slowly, and Ben's muffled scream became louder. The more I push, the more I felt alive. And the more he screamed. I took one last lunged, and finally got my cock head through.

I breathed in hard, the effort took a lot from me. Ben was screaming. I was sure it must have hurt. I tried to stay still inside of him, not wanting to push forward and hurt him more. I played inside his mouth with my tongue, and I could feel his tongue touching the ceiling of his mouth, trying to bring meaning to the words he screamed. I felt his hot tears touching my cheeks. It would continue to flow until his ass would accomodate me.

I laid on top of him quietly, trying to prevent him from moving any part of his body, trying to stop his screaming, trying to stop his crying. I waited.

Eventually the screams died down until it became a whimper.

I looked up and saw traces of dried tears covering his cheeks. I wanted to wipe it away, but I couldn't. His hands were still struggling and I couldn't risk that. Ben was breathing slowly. I looked at him in the eyes. He was hurt, angry and ashamed.

I decided to press on further, and I did, slowly. I groaned with every inch I gained inside of him. Arching my head up, I pushed on further until I couldn't, until his ass had taken all of me. I looked down, and saw that he had closed his eyes when I pushed deeper in him, grinding his teeth as the thought of me inside him occupied his mind.

That was when I realized that the old Ben had came back. He had fought not to cry out against my being deeper in him. He had fought not to give in to my pleasure. He was being the man I knew him as, the man who would take anything astride and letting it slip through him even though it hurt him, even though he hated it. He had gained his pride back, the pride he lost when he took to the beers and the bottle. He had himself in control.

Ben opened his eyes moments after, and then looked at me. He was still scared of what I could do to him and he was still hurting that I was inside him, but he wasn't willing to give in. His thighs tried to close on me but instead of keeping me out, it kept me in. His hands had more strength in it, and though he couldn't overcome his drunkenness, he tried.

And I felt proud of him.

And he didn't understand why.

His hairy body brought me back to our twisted position. His thighs tickled mine. His chest comforted me. Our arms locked together forming a forced bond created by the situation we were in. I tried to kiss him but he moved his head away. I tried a couple more times to no avail. He had his pride back, and he didn't want to let his son-in-law kiss him full in the mouth with lust like he did minutes ago. I didn't want to press on much longer, so I rested my cheek against his and smelled his sweet smell. His hair smelled of the same grease that I had on both of us. It all felt wonderful.

I pulled my cock out of him. Ben grunted. I pushed it back in as slowly as I did before and heard a deep growl. It felt good, his pride did what he didn't want him to do, pleasuring me more. He puckered his ass when I pull out, and let it go when I enter him back. I breathed hard. Ben growled and grunted. As I pumped into him in rising speed, I let my chest just barely touching his, our chest hairs lightly caressing each other. I became excited even more. My stomach had rested on Ben's dick, and with every move I made, it pressed on harder against it.

And then I heard him moan, and felt a stirring at my stomach. I didn't know what it was but I kept on pumping and let his pride pleasure me with its control. But the moaning became insistent as the tempo built up. The stirrings became noticeable, its physical presence could not be ignored. Something was moving there and it wasn't me. And then slowly it grew and Ben groaned more. He growled deeper, and grunted faster, almost up to my tempo. I raised myself a bit to allow the stirrings to get out of my way and then pushed back in.

That's when I noticed his hard-on. It rested between his pubic hair and my stomach, pressed between the two. It was hard and the friction from our bodies was making it harder. Ben breathed in harder, and I felt less resistance to my pumping him full in the ass. His arms grew weaker, his legs less restricting. He moaned louder with each push I made inside him, and he moaned longer when I pulled out. I wondered if he was in tempo with me or I with him. With every stroke I made, he groaned. It was louder than mine. I didn't moan at all, trying to keep things down, didn't want to disturb the neighbors. But his moaning grew louder and louder all the time.

I looked up to his face and saw him closing his eyes. His mouth was quivering, his tongue slid out and wet his lips. The lights shone on our wet bodies. Ben never looked more beautiful. It felt good being that close to him. It felt good being inside him. It felt good feeling him down there against my stomach.

His eyelids were still closed. I could see the lines of age, of wisdom, of hardship, of pain, and of happiness. It trembled with every stroke I made, with every moan I hear. I could hear him breathing, taking in as much of air as it could. He grunted and bit his lips, gritting his teeth as he growled. He mouth was opened and I could feel his breath when he moaned.

All of this made me realized that I was falling for him.

I wanted to say this to him. I wanted to stop fucking him and just lie next to him as close as I could. I wanted to kiss him. Ben moaned, groaned and grunted. His lips quivered. I longed to taste it again. I wondered if he'd let me kiss him now. Slowly, carefully, cautiously, I lowered my lips and let it touched his. I could hear him louder now, and with every noise he made, I wanted to express my love to him.

But I couldn't. I just couldn't. It felt out of place.

I wanted to stop.

Ben opened his eyes and I could see those bright blue eyes shining, bouncing off the light, looking so pure and contented. I let myself drown in his eyes, wanting the moment to last. He looked at me and I felt that his eyes were searching deep in my soul. I never felt more vulnerable than at that moment. I pressed my lips harder, my head felt heavy from the weight of his gaze. His lips persisted.

I wanted to stop.

Then, suddenly, his lips slowly gave away as he let me kiss him. My tongue rushed to caress the insides of his mouth, but I stopped it between my lips. His eyes were still on me when I felt his tongue come out from his lips. It came alive when it met mine and he pushed it inside my mouth. He bucked his ass up my cock. I groaned loudly. He closed his eyes and moaned.

We picked up our tempo. I couldn't stop making the wonderful noises that he was making too. I let go of his hands and slided mine underneath his shoulders. I wanted to be one with him, I wanted to stay with this man that I love, wanting to have him forever by my side. I pumped harder and faster. He raised his knees further up, wanting more of me inside of him. His feet came up to my butt, pushing my cock harder in his ass. Our groans were loud and were the sweetest of sounds I had ever heard. I felt Ben's hands moving down my shoulders, travelling down to my hips and then to the small of my back. He pushed me harder inside of him, guiding me to reach that final point of pleasure we both wanted so much. I did what his body told me to do.

I broke off the kiss and gently nuzzled my cheeks to his. I found his ears and nuzzled at it before lashing out my tongue in a wild frenzy when I felt I was close. His moan became cries of pleasure. His hands moved up my back, rubbing my shoulders, pulling me down, pushing me forward. Ben tried to lick my ears, but he couldn't. He cried louder and faster and grabbed me tighter and tighter close to his body. He was too damned close to care about the neighbors and neither was I. I pumped short hard strokes inside of him, wanting, aching to release all I have inside of him.

I felt his dick throbbed one last time. Ben gave out a loud cry as he splattered our bodies with his thick cum. I felt a warm wet sticky feeling on my chest and realized that I was too close to stop. His ass puckered up with every spray of cum he pumped. This drove me to the edge as I pulled out of him for the last time. My balls pulled close to my body and I felt the feeling growing inside with a great force.

Ben pushed me closer to him, engulfed in his own pleasure, his head tilted up. I gave him one last stroke with my hips, burying myself deep inside him. That was all it took. I felt my balls jerked, and my cock grew harder. I cried out and came inside Ben, filling his ass with my semen, my throbbing cock spewing it with what I got. My mouth landed sloppily on his exposed neck, biting him as if it would help end my orgasm. My hips pumped instinctively, trying to get the most of it somehow. Ben groaned still, his hole milking me for all I had.

Finally my cock grew soft.

I felt his grip on me loosen. I saw a bit of his semen on his beard just underneath the chin. I licked it up, not wanting to waste any of it. He tasted good. Ben let out a low growl. I looked up. His eyes were droopy but I knew he still could see me. I kissed him lightly and felt his tongue probing my mouth. His hands pushed my head harder to his mouth. I sucked on his tongue, then pulled at it before nuzzling back to his beard. His grip on me began to loosen with every breath he took. He tried to stay up, trying to hold me tight as he did. But he couldn't, and soon fell asleep. My head drifted too, till I fell asleep on top of him, our lovemaking drained us out of energy.

Part 4

It was morning, and I had been up for more than an hour. I held Ben in my arms and heard him breathing. The nightstand lamp was still on but the morning sun silenced it with its brilliance and intensity. Still, the morning couldn't help me with my feelings. I was in love with Ben, and I was not sure if the man I was with last night would be the same one that I held close to me now.

Ben stirred, and turned to his side. His arm was across my body, his head was on my chest. His greying hair looked messy, but I didn't care. He looked beautiful. I looked intently at him, wanting him to wake up and to see his warm smile again, but afraid that he would leave me if he remembered what we had happened. I kissed him on his forehead and then his lips. A red mark on his neck testified to what we had done.

He opened his eyes. The hangover got to him first. He winced when his blue eyes saw the morning sun. He was adorable.

"Good morning," I said, anxiety full in my voice. God knows I didn't want to lose my father-in-law.

"Mornin'," he said begrudgingly, his head resting on my chest. That was the usual way he talked in the morning when he had hangover. But then, this was not the usual morning. He glanced at where his arm was and where his head was resting. It took him a while to remember.

"You son of a bitch! How could you? Fucking bastard! You raped me! You Goddamn raped me!"

I heard enough. I held him tightly to me so that he couldn't move a muscle. His right arm was pinned beneath him, and his left was around me.

"Let go of me you Goddamn faggot! You fucking disgust me! Let go of me Goddamnit! Let me go!"

He trashed about with his body, shaking the bed violently. His left hand hit me at the back, pounding me like I was a drum. He kicked his legs against mine, hitting it like a heavy plank. It hurt like hell. Ben was not somebody you'd want to pick a fight with when he's sober. I almost cried out in pain.

"John, let me go! Fuck you asshole! Let me go!"

"Ben, shut up for a moment will you?"

"Why should I, ya Goddamn faggot. You fucking raped me! Damn you John! You Goddamn queer!"

"Ben, I don't want the neighbors to hear this. So shut up."

"Why don't you try to fuck me right now and see if you could make me take it ya bastard. Let me go Goddamn it! I don't wanna be near you! I don't wanna smell your-"

"Shut up Ben. Please"

"-Goddamn stinking fucking faggotty body either. Let me go Goddamn it! Let me-"

"Ben, shut the fuck up!!" I shouted.

He cringed in pain and curled his body up, covering his ear with his free hand. His face showed me that his hangover was taking effect. Dammnit! I shouted damn too loud and too fucking close to his ears. I didn't want to hurt him.

I pulled him up close to me. His hand was now at his temple, the pain was enormous. I could hear his heart pumping fast. I rubbed his shoulders to calm him down and for a minute or so the pain seemed to have subsided. Then he kicked me again, harder this time, at the right calf. Damnit, it hurt. I tried not to cry out. I hold him tightly again, this time tighter than before.

"Shit Ben, that hurt."

"The fuck I care. Goddamnit!! Let me go you sorry fucked-up son-in-law!!"

"Shut up!"

I shouted louder this time and we were much closer too. Ben cried in pain. He cringed again, and curled his leg up to mine. His free arm held out as if I was about to hit him on the head.

God.

"I'm sorry, ok?" I rubbed his arms, shoulders and back slowly. His eyes welled up. A tear fell down his cheeks to my chest.

"I'm sorry. I'm so Goddamn sorry."

I put my head on top of his, brushing his hair.

"I'm sorry."

I pulled him closer to me and tried to embrace him.

"I'm so sorry."

He was sobbing from the pain his hangover caused him and from the realization of the things that happened last night.

"God, I never wanted to hurt you." Tears fell down my face, and it flowed softly to Ben's hair. "God I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry Ben..."

The sun shone brightly. Sparrows flew by across the window. The morning had started for some of the commuters out there. It was still too early for most people in the area. It would take more than an hour before the rush hour started. A siren could be heard, most probably an ambulance from the sound of it. The faint sound of a train coming through the neighborhood echoed in the room. The clock in the hallway chimed.

We huddled together for a long time. Ben was still sobbing, though not as loud as before. I was stroking his hair, my mind aimlessly trying to make a point, wanting to say the right things. The silence was deafening.

"Ben, I'm sorry I took advan- I'm sorry I raped you last night. I know I shouldn't have done it. Fuck, I shouldn't have done it. Fuck it."

Goddamnit John.

I tried to come up with words that could show him how I felt. I never felt more ashamed of being gay in my entire life than I was at the moment. "But I...I'm sorry..." I paused.

"I love you Ben."

I looked at him, and how he was hurting, and wished to God that it never happened.

He opened his eyes. A line formed on his forehead.

"John?"

"What?"

Ben held his head up and looked at me right in the eyes. He never looked more innocent and more vulnerable. He was hurting, and he was angry.

"Shut the fuck up." He tugged at my arms, urging me to wrap my body around his. "Just hold this sorry fucked-up father-in-law of yours, ok?" he whispered. "Just hold me close."

Silence.

"John?"

"What?"

"I deserved it. All of it. But," he looked up to me, and his eyes told me what he was thinking, "But I don't think I deserve you." A tear rolled down his cheeks.

He looked up at me and with one swift move, gave me a tender kiss. I kissed back. There was nothing more to say.

He was in love.

And so was I.

"John?"

"What?"

"Nothing. I just feel...God this is weird."

I smiled and kissed him once more.

"Stop kising me, you're disrupting my train of thought." He grinned. "God, it's weird enough to say it to a woman, and now it feels...But." The grin turned into a smile, the first since Lisa's death. "Yeah, I think I love you too."

He kissed me.

"No, I know I love you."

Ben shifted his body a little. "Ouch ouch ouch."

"What's wrong? You're ok?"

"Yeah. Just," he gritted his teeth as he felt another pain as he shifted again, "just - ouch. Shit." He paused. "It's nothing."

"You sure?" I looked at him, concerned at the suddenness of this pain. I don't remember him having any pains in the morning before.

"Yeah." He looked up and saw my worried face. "I'm ok. Really." He smiled, which made me smile a little. "I'm ok. Just need to stop drinking too much from now on."

"Why?

"So that I can make you fuck me like you did last night instead of having to ask you to," he grinned slyly.

"Is that an invitation?" I looked at him with a dirty look in my eyes.

"Maybe."

"Maybe." I reached for his hands and kissed it. "Do I need to drop on my knees and beg you?"

His neck straightened out and his lips found mine. The kiss took my breath away. "Son. John. Baby. Sugar. Or whatever I should call you now."

"Daddy."

"Daddy eh?"

I grinned.

"Whatever turns you on...Daddy." He rolled his eyes. "Though I'd rather honey."

"Really?"

"Yeah, so that I can lick you all up." He smiled again. "Well, you should drop on your knees alright, but I think there are more interesting things to do while you're on your knees than begging." He shot back a dirty look at me.

I mocked a sigh. "Oh boy. Only one night and he's already a full-blown faggot."

"Hmmm."

"Pun intended."

We laughed.