Okay, I got an e-mail which pretty much made me decide to ditch my last stories and start this one. I know you'll hate me, but I have a feeling more people would go along with this plot than the last one.
Okay, PLEASE e-mail me comments and suggestions. Believe it or not, but I hope this one will make it past two installments. And read my other stories!!! The Day Before Tommorow, At the Beginning with You, Rain, and Still Every Time!
Thank you goes out to one person, and you know who you are. I needed to get focused on one story, and I'm feeling like this one is the easiest of any of mine to write.
Gking0300@aol.com Boygod85@hotmail.com Gking03@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: this is a complete work of fiction, this is not a representation of the actual sexual orientation of any of the backstreet boys.
Before the Storm (2)
Brian tried to focus on the movie, but he felt an unstoppable desire to look at Nick. Quietly, he lowered his gaze form the flashing screen and surveyed the man sitting next to him. Long ago, Nick had gotten his growth spurt, but something had changed and it wasn't height. Nick was a man now, his boyish features were mutating slightly into one of more chisled complexion, his disposition more moody than childish. Brian watched as Nick tipped his head slightly, his blond hair falling gently in front of his eyes. In a perfectly fluid motion, Nick's hand moved up to his hair and gently brushed it away.
Brian swallowed quickly and returned his attention to the playing movie. I want him so badly it hurts, Brian thought to himself stealing another glance at the blond. Clenching his fists, he turned his knuckles white, grinding them soundlessly into the carpeted floor. The blue glow of the TV played across Nick's features turning his beautiful pale skin a haunting shade of purple and turquoise. His eyes sparkled dully under the soft light and Brian felt himself again pulled to the man's gorgeous features. Cursing himself silently under his breath, Brian managed to finally tear his eyes away, but the beautiful memory of Nick played through his mind like a continuous film.
Cursing himself inside, Brian watched Nick intently. Why can't I get him off of my mind.
The man was tall, a slender body yet perfectly proportional hiding the power built into his perfectly sculpted muscles. He had brown hair cut short and perfect blue eyes. His lips were thin, his cheekbones high and his features delicately formed. A sweater hung from his wide shoulders and graced his built body while his faded jeans screamed style in a subtle way.
Across the mall, another man walked to meet him, this one shorter, but only by an inch or so and just as striking. Short brown hair messily styled so that it hung into his eyes gave him the impression of being good looking but laid back. Cargo pants and a tee-shirt hung loosely from his body.
They met at the corner of the mall, the shorter man pulling his sunglasses up to reveal strikingly shining eyes.
"Do we have to?"
The shorter man smiled and gently touched the taller man's arm. A small gesture that only halfway described the affection they shared.
"Honey, I said I'd meet him and I can't, no, I won't let him down."
The taller man looked down frowning. "If I'm getting in the way of you two, just tell me."
"Come on, you and I are different, I'm in love now and you know that. The shorter man said taking his hand away from the taller man's arm. "Besides, I would never do anything with anyone else. I only need one man in my life"
The taller man blushed slightly and looked away. The age difference showed in more than one way. The taller man had the face of a teenager, seventeen to be exact. The older man had more sculpted features, a more dominant presence.
"I love you, you know that."
"I know baby, but I have to do this. If I don't, I'll die. I never keep anything from him."
The taller man shifted uncomfortably. "Will he like me?"
"Hard to tell."
The hanging plant fell gently in front of Nick's face, his body halfway secluded in the corner of the food court. Slowly, he sipped his drink listening to the sound of the mixture of air and soda moving up the straw. Checking his watch, he groaned and returned his attention to his drink.
He said he'd be here fifteen minutes ago. Where is he? He's never not shown up before.
"Nick?"
Nick looked up to see Brian standing in front of his table, a shopping bag in hand. "I got here a little early and decided to get some shopping done before lunch, sorry I'm late."
Nick smiled and shook his head. "No problem."
"Nick, there's someone I want you to meet."
"Nick, this is Dawson."
Nick looked up a little puzzled. "Who? Where?"
The man stepped from behind the partition and Nick's mouth opened slightly. He was gorgeous to say the least. His skin was the striking color of a creamy white gone slightly tan. His eyes were a soft comforting blue and his hair was styled perfectly. He was young, sixteen Nick guessed, and it was hard to find behind his shy behavior and quiet countenance. His body was perfect, a flawless match for Brian's. Nick looked a little questioningly at Brian and his gaze moved down to their linked hands.
"Brian?"
"Nick, I've been waiting to tell you this, but I decided that it wasn't something I should be keeping from you. This is Dawson, he's my boyfriend."
Nick blinked several times before he felt himself regain control of his speech. "He's- I mean you're. What?"
"I'm bisexual Nick, I'm dating Dawson."
Nick's mind went instantly blank, watching the love of his life with another man. Pain started from within and was so intense Nick physically felt his heart move up into his throat, the bitter taste of fear and remorse tickling his tastebuds. "Okay, sorry, this is a little much for me to handle right now," Nick choked out numbly. "I need some time to think Brian, just leave me alone for a few minutes."
Dawson looked apologetically over at Brian. "I'm sorry honey, let's go."
Brian gave one last look at Nick, and got up from the table. "I'm sorry Nicky."
Nick's insides turned out when he heard Brian's old nickname for him. Watching them leave, Nick flinched as he saw Brian take Dawson's arm in his, leaning in close to whisper something into his ear. Dawson laughed and turned to Brian. That should be me, Nick thought angrily. That should be me there with Brian, I love him more than life itself.
Crying to himself on the inside, Nick threw his drink in the trash and left the mall, the memory of Brian and Dawson's linked hands burned into his memory forever.
Nick didn't exactly see the intensity and longing in the last look Brian gave him, but Dawson did.
And it was taken into account.
The carpet was green, the walls white with yellow stripes. The table and chairs were arranged perfectly, the brochures and laminated advertisements were still parallel with the gleaming wooden tiles, the customer questionaire and commentary still lay in its plastic case.
The suitcase lay against the wall, a baby blue sweatshirt and windpants neatly folded on top. The sink was clean, the polished marble gleamed and the soaps still lay in their paper wrappers.
A box lay next to the suitcase, and by the bright black lettering, it was identified as a Nintendo 64.
Nick lay on the bed with his eyes closed, the stunning view of the city spreading below from the hotel room window into black oblivion, the lights from the shops and skyscrapers winked silently into the atmosphere.
Nick opened his eyes and then closed them again, feeling the comforting and clean smell of the hotel room. The black journal lay once again open, it's crinkled tattered pages covered in Nick's messy scrawl, a photograph lay rubber cemented to a page. Brian's trademark grin emerged from the glossy plastic.
"Nick?"
Nick sighed and lay back on the bed.
"You there?"
Nick closed his eyes tightly and drew his legs up to his chest.
"I'm coming in if you don't answer the door now."
Nick ignored the voice and tried to fall asleep, to block out the pain.
Nick heard fumbling at the door and the latch turn. "Nick, I need to talk to you."
Nick shivered slightly as he heard the footsteps approach the bed. "Jesus Nick," the voice breathed quietly and he felt a slight jerk and a depression in the matress as someone sat down at the foot of the bed. "What's wrong?"
Nick buried his head in the pillow as he felt tears fill his eyes. "Go away, okay? Just leave me alone."
He flinched violently as he felt a pair of strong arms begin to massage his shoulders. "Come on, you know you can tell me whatever's bothering you, now spit it out."
Nick felt sobs rack his body and he curled up into a tight ball, shrugging off the pair of hands on his back.
"Nick, you know I care so much for you, what's wrong? You have to tell me."
Nick relaxed and felt himself pulled into the warm embrace of the older man, his head nestled comfortable against his chest, the breathing; the rising and falling of his chest familiar and comforting. Nick cried as he felt the older man's hand trace down his back bringing their bodies close together. "Come on baby, tell me what's wrong."
Nick melted into the embrace and felt a pair of lips gently touch his own. He opened his mouth, temporarily letting the man's tounge invade him gently, filling his body with energy. Nick felt the man's muscles tense gently as he rested his hand on the back of his neck.
"I don't know Kevin, I just don't know."
"What are you talking about Nick? I know something's on your mind and you have to tell me."
Nick shrugged. "Brian."
Kevin sighed and rolled over away from Nick. "How many times do I have to tell you Nick, you need to forget about him."
Nick narrowed his eyes and frowned to himself. "I can't."
Kevin sighed and turned back over, pulling Nick closer to his body again. "I'm sorry Nicky, I'm really sorry."
"Why can't we be serious Kevin?"
Kevin raised his eyebrows. "Huh?"
"Why is it never serious, why can't I have you for myself."
"Nick, I love you, but not like that. You're attractive, yes, and we occasionally do things together, but it's just that we're both gay. Just because two people are gay doesn't mean they automatically go together," Kevin said philisophically. "Anyways, having sex with you is like having sex with a brother."
"You didn't seem to mind a few weeks ago."
"Come on Nick, we both needed it, and we weren't thinking. It was just lust and you know that."
Nick curled up into a ball and closed his eyes. "Why am I incapable of being loved?"
Kevin gently uncurled Nick from his defensive posture and kissed him again lightly on the lips. "You're not Nick, you're not."
Dawson sat next to the bed watching Brian sleep. Sighing, he gently traced his index finger down Brian's cheeks to his neck. Moaning softly in his sleep, Brian instinctively moved closer to his lover. Dawson got up from the chair and pulled the covers from the bed carefully and go in next to Brian. "You awake?"
"Just barely."
Dawson sighed and took Brian's hand underneath the covers, interlacing their fingers. "I can't help but feel that I'm keeping you from being happy Brian."
Brian rolled over so he was facing Dawson. "What are you talking about?"
Dawson bit his lower lip a little and repeated himself. "I can't help but feel that I'm keeping you from being happy, keeping you from what you want."
Brian pulled his boyfriend close to him, burying his nose in the space between his neck and his shoulders. "I've never been happier," Brian said truthfully.
Dawson smiled and wrapped his arms around his lover. "But could you be happier?"
Brian pulled away quickly, hurt written across his beautiful features. "Are you saying you don't want me anymore?"
"No, no baby, that's not it at all," Dawson said softly pushing Brian back down to the bed. "I just can't help feeling that you'd be happier with someone else. That I'm getting in the way of what you really want."
"Do you still love me?" Brian asked eyeing Dawson angrily. "Are you saying you're not interested in me?
Dawson sighed and pulled Brian close to his body, reveling in the contact between their bare skin. "I love you more than life itself Brian Thomas Littrell, and I'm going to do whatever I can to make you happy."
Brian snuggled against his lover's body and flicked his tounge out, gently touching the warm skin of Dawson's chest. "I love you too Dawson, being with you feels so right."
"I know baby, just get some sleep."
Brian's eyes closed and Dawson stayed up later watching his lover sleep peacefully. Something's not right, he thought to himself. That look, something about it was powerful, too powerful. Beyond what I can comprehend. He doesn't know it now, but he's not in love with me.
Staring sadly into the darkened room, Dawson felt a tear run down his face. He's in love with someone else.
Nick awoke to the feeling of an empty bed, the coolness of the air in the room and the absense of the shower running told him Kevin had left. Stretching, he luxuriated in the feeling of waking up on a Saturday morning. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. An off day, just to himself.
Sadly, he reached over and pulled his beaten "black book" from the nightstand and opened it to the page with Brian's picture. Nick jerked suddenly as the phone rang and put the journal down.
"Hello?"
"Nickolas Gene, you need to start calling me again. I'm getting lonely here by myself."
Nick smiled as he heard the energetic voice across the line. "Hey Britney. How's it going?"
"Same 'ol, same 'ol. What's going on with you? I haven't gotten an e-mail from you in forever, anything changed since the last time?"
"Nope. Brian's got a boyfriend."
"Really? Do you care to tell me about this boyfriend?"
"It's not me."
There was silence on the line for awhile.
"Who is it?"
"Dawson, a fan."
"I'm sorry honey, I'm really sorry."
Nick shrugged and got a better grip on the phone for a moment. "I'm shattered," he said simply and honestly.
"I'm sorry sweety. I'm really sorry. Look, I've got to go, but I'm coming into town tommorow with Justin and JC. Would you mind if I crash at your place for awhile while the guys go clubbing? We could catch up on stuff and get chinese or something?"
Nick smiled at her lame attempt to make him feel better. "You're not coming to town tommorow, you're flying in especially for me, aren't you."
"Well, maybe."
"Come on Brit, you don't have to do this for me, I know you have a life of your own, come on."
"Hey, I care about you Nick, I want to make sure you're okay."
"I'm not getting set up with anybody, you know that. It won't make me feel any better."
Silence.
"How can you tell everything I'm going to do before I even get it out of my mouth?"
Nick grinned. "I just know. Look, I'll see you tommorow, and only you."
"Alright, but there's this really nice-," Britney started.
"Nice try dollface."
"Nine okay?"
"Fine."
"Bye, I love you."
"I love you too Brit."
Nick replaced the phone on the base terminal and rolled back over on the bed, shivering a little from the cool air on his heated body. Stretching out, he felt his feet almost stick off the edge of the bed.
"Damn-it, why don't they make these fucking beds longer?" he asked angrily to nobody. Painfully, he recalled the image of Brian and Dawson from his mind. Sobbing gently, he held the ratty black journal close to his heart. "You're the only person I'll love Brian, I promise you."
Across the hall, two men lay wrapped around each other. One was sleeping peacefully, and the other one tossed and turned in his sleep restlessly, dreaming.
"Nick, god, Nick I love you," he whispered urgently as his sweaty body fought a loosing battle with the bedsheets.
The sun was setting over the ocean tinting the gleaming surface of the whitecaps purple and turgquoise, pink streaks rimmed the blood red of the rapidly disappearing semicircle of light on the horizon. He sat next to the shore on a beach towel, his short cut blond hair blew across his face with the ocean breeze, the salt spray stung his eyes. Sitting next to him, a beautiful girl lay on her back watching the beautiful sun dip beneath the watery line marking the meeting of land and water. Her long blonde streaked hair flew around her face and she looked over sadly at the young man sitting next to her.
"You really want him, don't you?"
Nick nodded sadly and rested his chin on his knees. "You don't understand Brit, I've loved him forever and more than that. He's my life and I can't stand him being with someone else. It was bearable when we weren't together, but now that there's another person, it's killing me."
Britney let her breath out in a slow hiss and lay back again. "I understand Nick, I know what you're going through. I just wish you could get your mind off of him."
Nick shook his head angrily, his voice raised and slightly higher. "It was fine when I couldn't have him, but now someone else does. I'm so jealous, you don't know how it hurts me."
"Nick, you shouldn't be jealous. You're best friend is happy? Isn't that what you want for him?"
Nick looked out over the ocean, his eyes glassy and blank. "I guess I'm glad he's happy."
Britney puther hand on Nick's shoulder gently. "Don't lie."
"I love him, I want him, nobody else should have him."
Britney looked at her friend's eyes, seeing the emptiness inside him, the hurt and sorrow he had experienced for so long. Putting her arm around him, she held him as he cried on her shoulder. "I'll be here Nick, you know I'll always be here."
Nick closed his eyes tightly. "Why can't I be with him?"
Britney smiled wryly. "The world isn't fair Nick, it's all a gamble."
Nick frowned and buried his head in Britney's chest. "Why can't I win sometimes?"
Dawson sat up writing, his hair lay matted down and glasses perched halfway down his nose. Shivering, he looked down and realized he only had his boxers on. Getting up slowly, he pulled one of Brian's shirts from the floor next to the bed and put it on, feeling warmth and comfort spreading through his body. Blinking several times, he returned to his laptop.
Sleep caught up quickly with him and he watched as the screen started to flicker in front of his eyes. He sighed slightly when he felt a pair of arms encircle his neck and a small kiss placed on the back of his head. "Hey there honey, up late at work again?"
Dawson shrugged and powered down his computer as Brian pulled up a chair and sat down. "I guess I need to get some of my thoughts out myself on paper, or at least down on a screen. There's been a lot I've been thinking about lately, and I'm sort of overwhelmed in a lot of ways."
Brian frowned and hugged his knees to his chest. "Why don't you tell me?"
"I'm a private person Brian, you know I never like to tell my thoughts. I guess there are some things that I need to be completely ready to tell you before I do," Dawson said closing the top of his computer and unplugging it.
"Are you saying that you don't trust me?"
Dawson got up and turned to Brian. "Don't start with me Brian, how many more times do I have to tell you? You're my life, my love, I tell you more than I've ever told anyone else, even more than I tell my parents. This is something serious and I have to be completely ready to tell you first. If you want to think I don't trust you, go ahead."
Brian shook his head and looked away. "I just don't want to loose you Dawson, I love you so much."
"You won't Brian, you'll never loose me. I'll make you the happiest man in the world."
Brian turned and smiled at his boyfriend. "I already am."
TBC. . .