I open my eyes to darkness. It's probably about 5 in the morning, which is when I've usually been waking up. It's a Saturday, so theoretically I could be sleeping in, but I don't. I look over at you and see that you are fast asleep. I stare at your face a while with a certain sense of wonder. It's been more than a month since that first night we spent together, and I still am amazed at how easily I have slipped into being your lover. It goes far beyond the mere fact that I have spent more nights in your bed than in my own since that first night. I'm different. I now find myself reacting to the mere sound of your voice on the phone or on my voice mail. When we go out to dinner, I'm impatient to get home simply because I crave to be with you. I almost feel like an addict, yet I've never felt better in my life.
I think of the past few weeks. I try to count the number of times we've been together and give up trying. Even on nights when we can't be together, I find myself thinking of you and my body warms at the thought. On nights I spend with you, I generally find myself driving somewhat more insistently to get to your place so that I can be with you. On one occasion you note that most of our meals are eaten in bathrobes. I laugh at this naturally as if this is not something completely new to me.
I think of our lovemaking and how it has become an absolute necessity to me. The first week I still kept thinking that this was somehow a transient thing that would eventually burn itself out, but if anything, it has become (or always was) an integral thing to me. It occurs to me that I have become so accustomed to seeing your erection that I almost can't even think of you without thinking of your erection and what it has come to mean to me. I think of all the nights I have broken down into tears while you have tenderly held me in your arms. The intensity of what you do to me night after night is as merciless as it is addictive. Each night I feel myself growing more vulnerable to you, opening myself in ways I never thought possible.
All of these thoughts run through my mind as I see morning's light creep through the curtains of the room. I look at your sleeping face, and again I feel emotions well up in me. I touch your hair, and brush it back from your forehead. I kiss your forehead softly so as not to wake you. I touch your side under the covers, and that is when your eyes open, meeting mine. "Hi." I say simply. "How long have you been up?" you ask. "Maybe half an hour." "You slept OK, didn't you?" you ask. "Oh yeah, I'm an early riser these days." "So I can see." You say with some amusement noting my hard on. I smile but this time don't laugh...just smile. "What is it?" you ask. "I just...I'm still adjusting to this." I say awkwardly. "I understand, though one could say that you're a pretty quick study." I touch your face. "I just never thought..." "I know hon. It's something to have your eyes opened. I'm just glad you were able to open yours." you whisper. "I can't believe it's been over a month and I still feel like I'm doing this for the first time." my voice is shaking a little as I speak. "That is one of the loveliest things you could say to me lover." you say with a sincerity that seems to hit me emotionally. I feel tears well up in my eyes, something that seems to be a common thing when I'm with you now. "I'm sorry, I never used to be this emotional." I say. "There's nothing to apologize for. Most men live their whole lives never knowing what we know, feeling what we feel." I hold you tightly and you cradle my head, caressing my naked body. "When we were together that first night, I made a promise to myself that your first experience with a man would be a joyful one because so often it isn't. I saw you were special and I wanted to take care of you." Your words fill my ears as I feel my heart quicken while you caress me. "What makes me so special?" I ask feeling almost like a child. "Everything about you is special. You're beautiful...in body, in mind, in spirit. You are unafraid to embrace and show your feelings. You are kind, thoughtful, loving and you make me very happy." You see me react to the last word, as my eyes fill again with tears. "You really do Tom. You make me happy. This past month has been one of the happiest I can remember." I kiss you repeatedly and simply say "You make me happy too." Your hand closes gently around my cock and you whisper into my ear "It's OK to say how you feel...don't hold anything back." I look you in the eye, longing in me stronger than ever and suddenly say "I love you." The words seem to take a long time to come out of my mouth, and as they do I feel my heart rate rise madly. I feel tingling heat at the base of my scalp, running down my back as I say the words. "I love you too Tom." you say back at me. "I've loved you since that first night." I see in your eyes intense emotion as well, and I kiss you joyfully.
In the light of the first sun, our bodies are bathed in sunlight as we make love with renewed energy and vigor. I look at your glorious body, your erect cock, and praise your beauty, your passion and your virility. I kiss your cock worshipfully and gently bathe your balls with my mouth and tongue. When I take you into my mouth, the heat of your cock astounds me. I move slowly up and down your manhood, now feeling a new confidence as your lover. I hear you moan plaintively as I taste the precum from your cock. I tease you for a long time, wanting to keep you on the brink just as you had done to me so many times before letting you climax. When I finally let you go, your semen is hot and rich, producing a sensation in my mouth and throat that is more than mere taste...it's not something I have a proper adjective for. I think of it as a physical bond between us, growing stronger each time we make love. Later, when you go down on me, you are far more relentless, making me climax quickly and abundantly, but not letting me relax. Indeed, you continue going down on me after the first orgasm and I marvel over the fact that you manage to somehow keep me hard. Soon I feel my body clench and another orgasm hits me, this one more intense partly from sheer amazement that I could come twice in a row. This time you relax (I assume to give your jaw a break) but you continue to lick and kiss me down there. "Wow, that's never happened before...twice in a row!" I say, expecting you to come back up to kiss me. "You're not finished lover." I look down somewhat bemusedly "I don't know if I have anything left." "Let's find out!" Not long afterward, I feel my hard cock once again covered by the warmth of your mouth as you move it up and down on me faster and faster. At first I feel like I can't possible come, my cock feeling almost desensitized but soon, to my genuine amazement, I feel yet another orgasm coming...this one taking it's time to get there. When I reach climax, it is more intense than anything I've felt...as if my body is giving the last of its essence to you. My voice lets out a bellowing sound, halfway between a moan and a sob...a sound I never have made before I'm certain. It is the most intense orgasm I've ever had. When your lips meet mind I kiss you madly saying over and over again "I love you...oh God I love you." It's not long before I am asleep, my body spent from our efforts.
When I wake up, it is to see you looking back at me. I smile this time, seeing you look at me with love and tenderness. "How do you feel?" you ask me. "I feel like I have finally found myself." You kiss me and say "I love you so much." We kiss and cuddle for a bit and then finally get out of bed (the time now being almost noon) and shower together, preparing ourselves for the rest of the day. I think to myself "I am in love with a man, and I couldn't be happier." I have no idea what the future holds, but I know that right now, I can't imagine it not having you in it.
(Dedicated to Patrick)