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This a story of gay fiction for a mature audience. It contains consenting sex between men. If this offends you, leave or is illegal where you live, leave now. If you enjoy the stories on the site, donate generously to Nifty to keep the site going.
Becoming a philosopher
The chapel was silent as people found their seats. The pine coffin was at the front with a photograph of Matt and a beautiful bunch of arum lilies on it, Matt's favourite flowers. The priest welcomed everyone and recited some prayers. A young pianist from the music school played Pachelbel's Canon in D, normally played at weddings, but another one of Matt's favourites, and everyone was in tears.
The priest's sermon focused on the brevity of life and the potential destroyed in this killing. Matt's mother spoke, they wanted me to say something, but I couldn't and chose to write a poem for the funeral notice:
In the depths of sorrow, love's flame burns,
Though fate has stolen you, my heart still yearns.
In memories we shared, I find solace deep,
A love eternal, forever mine to keep.
Though tears may fall, and pain persist,
Your love in my heart will always be.
In each breath I take, you're near,
A love so real, that nothing can interfere.
Though darkness surrounds, your light shines bright,
Guiding me through the longest of nights.
In dreams, we meet, our kindred spirits,
Love's bond unbroken, forever defined.
Matt's mother spoke from the heart and described him growing up, she beautifully captured his insight and wit. I couldn't hold back the tears. I had known Matt since primary school and we joined Scouts when we were ten, and we had spent a lot of time together on camps and hikes. It was one of those friendships where we knew what each other's thoughts were, and where we were comfortable with our silences. Matt and I shared many sexual experiences, and he was completely honest with me.
The priest blessed the coffin with holy water and walked around spreading incense. The chapel was filled with the smell of incense, and you could only hear the metallic clang from the thurible. Everyone was silent. The pallbearers carried out the coffin and the pianist played the Beatles Let it Be. I was too upset to talk to anyone and remained in the chapel with Matt's brother.
Matt and I had just finished matric, I was at a snobby Cape Town boys' school and Matt was at a state school. I was set to study Philosophy, Politics and Economics at UCT, and my parents were thrilled because the university fees were much lower than my school fees. I was thrilled because Matt was going to study engineering at the same university, and we would see each other everyday.
But it never did work out that way.
Matt and I were on a search in the Rondebosch area to find a bachelor apartment to share. We were on our way to see an apartment, not far from the university, when we were stopped by two guys brandishing knives who wanted our mobile phones. Mine was in the car. Matt missed what the one guy was saying, he was high, and the next thing he thrust a knife into Matt's chest. He collapsed to the ground and his white T-shirt turned red. The assailants ran away. I applied pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding and was joined by two students who helped. He wasn't breathing and there was blood coming out of his mouth, and I took off my shirt and made a pressure pad. The paramedics arrived in no time, and weren't able to do anything as he was already dead. I was taken to hospital with him and was treated for shock. I waited for his parents to explain what had happened.
Matt's death was tragic. He was a person with such potential, and about to embark on his studies. He was the person who had challenged me deeply about love and fidelity, he had always spoken the truth and had been honest in our relationship - and we were about to share an apartment. Matt had a casual way of challenging my privilege and making me see inequality, his green eyes, sometimes hidden behind his blonde fringe, could see into my soul.
I will never forget our first Scout camp was on the West Cost near Langebaan. After campfire songs and hot chocolate, we were sent off to bed. We latched the door to stop our friends from pranking us. I was far too excited to sleep, and Matt and I lay talking in the dark. Matt asked me if I had started to wank yet. I said no, not knowing what he was talking about.
"Can I show you?" he asked, as he came over to my bed and climbed in. We were both wearing T-shirts and undies, and he asked me to move up. I was so excited trembling with anticipation.
"Relax," he said. "My older brother showed me how to wank last year, and I've been doing it ever since. You'll see, you'll get the most incredible feeling."
My dick was hard and seemed to get harder when Matt's hand gripped my shaft and he started to wank me. No one else had ever touched my dick and this was an unbelievable sensation.
"Relax man," he said again, "Why don't you do the same to me?"
I took hold of his dick and slowly did what he was doing to me. I started
breathing faster and then I had a weird warm feeling and then my body
jerked slightly.
"That's called an orgasm Tom, that's what my brother says. When he gets an orgasm, he shoots sperm which he calls cum. You are still too young to shoot sperm."
It was an incredible sensation. The next thing I felt Matt's cock stiffen and his body also began to jerk a little. What a feeling I said to Matt, and he giggled. The next morning, I climbed into bed with Matt and we wanked again. We had to be up early to go on a hike, and we still had to have breakfast and pack our bags.
Matt had introduced me to sex, and I think he had unleashed a wild tiger, as I couldn't get enough. But he also introduced me to philosophy, he never accepted anything at face value and always searched for the back story. He had a wonderful mind.
I thought of Matt when the professor said that "philosophy is a way of thinking about certain subjects such as ethics, thought, existence, time, meaning and value. That 'way of thinking' involves 4 Rs: responsiveness, reflection, reason and re-evaluation. The aim is to deepen understanding." In his introduction the professor hoped that by doing philosophy we would learn to think better, to act more wisely, and help to improve the quality of all our lives.
The professor said that trying to define philosophy was as difficult as trying to define love. I liked Plato who declared that philosophy is a gift the gods have bestowed on mortals.