Because I Love You

Author's Note:

Well here goes nothing. This is my first story for all to read. Hopefully you'll find it interesting to say the least, and keep up with it. All of your comments and criticisms are appreciated. Please let me know what you think of the story.

E-mail me at: rtstories@hotmail.com

My apologies on the lateness of this installment. I originally wanted to get out chapter seven earlier, but since I had some troubles, and it was delayed, I decided to post chapter 7 & 8 together (and since I felt really bad, they're extra long.) Hopefully, I can get back on track, and return to the usual week and a half between postings.

Legal Disclaimer:

This work is purely fiction. It is purely derived from the mind of the author and in no way dictates the sexual orientation of any of the Back Street Boys. Only in my mind do I really believe that they're gay and in love with me. Any similarities to real life or to someone's life is purely coincidental. It contains homosexual subject matter. If you're not into that, why not??? Gay porn/erotica is way hotter than heterosexual porn!!! Do not read any further if you are under the legal age for viewing this material in your country, state, province, city, town, suburb, home, shack, hole in the wall, cardboard box, or van down by the river!!!

End of Chapter Six

Ewan nodded his head, as he pulled on his shirt. He quickly ran into the bathroom to wet his hair, and quickly brush his teeth. He applied some deodorant on, and sprayed himself with cologne. He realized that he'd need these things for his trip, so he ran back into the bedroom and grabbed his backpack. He ran back to the bathroom, opened it, and slid everything on the counter into the bag. He looked at himself in the mirror, and decided that it was the best he could do.

As he was about to run out the door, he looked back to check if he forgot anything. He looked over to his desk and saw that he left his computer on from the night before. He had wanted to check his e-mail for any response from Nick, before he left for New York, but he was quickly running out of time. Whatever was there, would have to wait until he got to New York. He ran over to the tower and pushed the power button. The screen went blank in front of him, and shut off automatically. He made his way out the door, never looking back.

Because I Love You By: Lucas

Chapter 7

The drive to the airport was uneventful. Jim had been speeding the whole time, and because it was so early in the morning, Ewan had just made it on time. He thanked Jim as he rushed into the airport terminal with his luggage in tow.

Ewan ran to the counter, out of breath, and began speaking to the Continental Airlines representative.

"Hi...I'm Ewan McGovern...a friend...of mine...said that I could...pick up my...ticket here."

"Ok, Mr. McGovern. Let me check the computer." The woman said, as Ewan tried to catch his breath hoping his flight hadn't left yet.

"Oh...you're on Flight 409, and they've already begun boarding. I need to process your boarding. So, if you'd show me some I.D., I'll do it right away." She said, as Ewan fished out his driver's license, and gave it to her.

'Come on...hurry up!!! I can't miss this flight.' Ewan thought to himself; as he heard the printer behind the counter, print out his boarding pass. The woman handed the pass to Ewan, and asked if he had any luggage to check in. He placed his suitcase on the metal weighing scale next to the counter. After a few keystrokes on the computer, she tagged his luggage, and directed him to the proper gate. She called out to Ewan as he began to leave, and told him that she'd call the gate attendant, to inform her of his arrival.

"Have a nice trip!!!" Was the last thing Ewan heard her say as he ran towards the terminal.

As soon as he passed through the security checkpoint, Ewan continued running towards Gate 51. He had never ran so fast in his life. Ewan was enacting the typical "airport" scene, found only in the movies. He arrived at the gate as the last of the passengers were boarding the plane. He handed the gate attendant his boarding pass. A couple engaged in a deep embrace caught Ewan's eye. He wasn't the last to board the plane, as the couple were still saying their 'goodbyes,' wondering how they'd survive the time apart from each other. 'Thank God I'm not attached.' Ewan thought to himself. He was handed back half of his original boarding pass, and was sent on his way. Ewan started to calm down, from his unexpected, early morning run, as he passed through the long tube that led to his plane.

Once the plane was in sight, Ewan extended his hand, and touched the outer shell of the airplane. Ever since he could remember, Ewan always did that. He wasn't an overly superstitious person, but thought the act as more tradition, than superstition. The stewardess smiled as she saw him touch the plane. Obviously, she was a veteran when it came to people's pre-flight superstitions. Ewan handed her the stub of his boarding pass.

"Sir, you're in seat 7A. If you'd follow me, I'd be happy to show you where it is." She said, followed by a hand movement, and a beautifully white smile, synonymous with the "overly friendly" stereotype given to stewardesses.

'She's pretty. It's a crime for her to be so happy this early in the morning though.' Ewan thought to himself as he followed her. 'That's strange,' he continued to think to himself. 'I've never been shown to my seat before. I like this airline.' It was then he realized she was leading him past the infamous curtain barrier, into First Class.

"Here you go sir, seat 7A. Enjoy your flight. My name is Jillian, I'll be you're flight attendant in first class. If you need anything, just let me know." She said smiling once again.

"Thank You, Jillian. I'll remember that." Ewan said, as he reached up to place his carry-on bag in the overhead bin. He couldn't help but feel flattered at Jillian's friendliness. 'I wonder if she was flirting with me.' He thought to himself, but shrugged off the thought, thinking it was just part of her job. He slid into the row of seats, excusing himself as he passed by the man sitting in the aisle seat. Ewan sat down, next to the window and relaxed, finally not having to rush.

'Damn, Brian. First class, a window seat, and a friendly stewardess? I'll have to thank you later.' Ewan said to himself, as he settled in for the flight.

"She was the same way to me." Ewan heard his companion say to him.

"Huh?"

"Jillian. She was the same way with me. She's not flirting...it's just her job." He said to Ewan.

"Oh. That's cool. I didn't think she'd be flirting with me anyway." Ewan responded.

"Good. I'm Dave, by the way."

"Ewan."

"You go to the University?" Dave asked.

"Yeah. How'd ya know?" Ewan questioned in return.

"From your sweatshirt." He answered. "I'm an F.B.I. agent. It's my job to notice these things."

"Oh. Cool." Ewan said, hoping that the conversation would end. He planned on sleeping during the flight, but from the looks of his companion, it would be impossible.

"You know, I dated a stewardess once. That's how I know so much about them." Dave continued.

"Really?" Ewan said attempting to show interest.

"Yeah. She was always really friendly. I thought it was good at first, but she always seemed a bit too friendly with everyone. It was so bad, that it caused a lot of our fights..." Dave continued to recount his story, while Ewan listened.

Nick walked out of the bathroom of his hotel room. He looked over at the digital clock that sat next to his bed. The bright, red numbers read 7:30 a.m. He silently cursed at it, because he watched it all night long. For Nick, sleep was out of the question last night. There was a period where he couldn't remember anything happening. That was probably when he fell asleep, he thought to himself, but that was only two hours ago. He was restless all night, wondering what Ewan's reaction was to his e-mail. During the night, he went over to his laptop to check for a reply, but still there was none. It was only out of pure exhaustion that he managed to fall asleep. Even then, it was a listless sleep.

When he awoke, he checked his e-mail once again, but still there was no reply. Since he knew he wouldn't be able to return to sleep, he decided to get ready for the day.

After his shower, Nick looked over at his laptop, once again. 'Just one more time.' Nick thought to himself as he walked over to his laptop, vainly attempting another check for Ewan's e-mail. After seeing that he had no new messages, Nick decided to leave the room, to get an early start on the day. Since it was still early, and he didn't want to wait by himself in the empty conference room before the meeting, Nick found himself pacing in the hallway. For some unknown reason, he was drawn to Kevin's door. Nick stood staring at the empty piece of wood that led into Kevin's room. He contemplated knocking, and a few times was even able to lift his fist, to make contact with the door. Nick wasn't sure why he wanted to go see Kevin, he was just draw to his door.

He thought about what he would say to him, once he was passed the door. He desperately wanted to talk to someone...anyone. Nick wanted to release himself from all of the pain he felt. He pulled his hand back, once again, ready to knock, but stopped just as his hand was about to make contact with the door. He stared at the white knuckles of his clenched hand, and let it fall in defeat.

Inside Nick was an emotional time bomb, ready to explode. He could feel the heat rise from inside his body, to his face. He couldn't do it. 'Not yet.' He thought to himself. Dejected, he walked down the hall, stopping only once to look back. He pushed the button, calling for the elevator. Once he was inside, the doors slid shut, taking Nick away.

Only a few seconds passed, when Kevin's door opened. He took a step outside, and looked down the hall in both directions. Seeing nothing there, he walked back into his room, and closed the door. Kevin couldn't understand why he felt this need and open his door to check the hall. Nothing indicated that there was someone outside of his door waiting to come in. Still, there was something inside of his being that caused him to walk to the door. It seemed to call out to him, as if someone needed him. Not understanding what it was that made him go to the door, Kevin returned to preparing himself for the day ahead.

"Excuse me, Dave. I just need to get up and stretch for a while." Ewan said, excusing himself from the ramblings of his seatmate.

Ewan walked back towards the lavatory of the airplane. He looked at both doors, and saw they were currently occupied. As he waited for the next person to come out, he turned around and found Jillian, the flight attendant he met earlier, working in the galley of the airplane.

"Help!!!" Ewan said, as he approached her.

"Excuse me?" She asked, with a confused look on her face, but still smiling.

"How much longer is this flight?" Ewan asked.

"A few more hours. We only took off forty minutes ago. Is there something wrong?" She asked with concern.

"Damn." Ewan answered back. "You wouldn't happen to have any sleeping pills by any chance. Something strong enough that I can maybe slip it into my seat mate's drink?" Ewan joked.

"Oh, I see. Is Dave bothering you?" Jillian asked, half smiling as if she knew something Ewan didn't.

"You know him?"

"Yeah, he's usually on this flight. He's a businessman, who sometimes goes to New York for meetings, but I'm guessing he told you he was someone else?" Jillian asked, as she returned to stocking a cart with some drinks.

"How'd you know?" Ewan asked. "He told me he was an F.B.I agent, and then went off on some tangent about how he used to date a stewardess, then to a story about his dog, then to how he loves opera, oh and then he started telling me some farfetched story about how he's going to New York on some covert mission.

"That was when I couldn't take it anymore, and decided to leave." Ewan told Jillian.

"An F.B.I. agent? That's a new one. I haven't heard that one before. Usually he's a CEO of an internet company, or a prized dog owner who's taking his dogs to a show." Jillian said, as she finished stocking her cart. "The truth is, he's an unhappy businessman, whose wife left him for another man. He flies to New York at least once a week, and whoever has to sit next to him, usually ends up hearing his made up stories."

"Geez. Poor guy. How do you know all of this?" Ewan asked.

"I work this flight most of the time, so I get to know some of the regular passengers. He was one of the first ones I was fortunate enough to get know. Big mistake on my part, but hey, it's all a part of the job." Jillian explained.

"So," Ewan asked. "Is it also in your job description to talk to passengers while they pretend to go to the bathroom, to get away from delusional seat mates?" Ewan asked smiling.

"Not really. I only do it for the cute ones." Jillian said, as she pushed the cart out of the galley and into the aisle.

Ewan stood there awestruck. He knew then that she wasn't just being overly friendly to him, because it was part of her job. He was bought out of his daze when an old woman poked him, indicating that it was his turn to use the lavatory. As soon as he was done, and walked back out into the aisle, the old woman spoke again.

"She likes you. You should go for her. " The old woman said.

"Really?" Ewan said.

"Yes. I can tell these things."

"Well, thanks." Ewan said politely.

"Anytime cutie." The old woman responded, smiling at succeeding at making Ewan blush.

Nick sat in front of a plate of food at the large conference table. He pushed and pulled at his eggs, with his fork, unable to eat. He put his fork down and picked up the cup of orange juice instead. He sat back, and drank from the cup, trying to keep his mind off of Ewan.

A.J. and Kevin stood next to each other in front of the large tray of French toast, while Brian and Howie were getting themselves drinks at the other end of the table.

"Nick's early again." A.J. quietly said to Kevin.

"Yeah, I noticed." Kevin answered.

"You think it's a good thing, or a bad thing?"

"It's Nick A.J., it can't be good thing if he's not late. Either he left again last night, and didn't sleep, or he couldn't sleep last night. Either way, it's not a good thing." Kevin explained to A.J.

"Maybe he's decided to change, Kevin. Maybe we can expect him to be on time for things, and that he won't be playing with his video games as much anymore. Maybe he's maturing." A.J. said.

Kevin looked at A.J. questioningly, silently asking himself 'Are you kidding?'

"Alright, you're right. It's not a good thing." A.J. said, knowing Kevin wasn't buying his excuses.

As they finished filling their plates with various breakfast foods, Marc walked into the conference room.

"Sorry I'm late guys. I was on the phone with management this morning, and they just added another stop for today. So, as soon as I grab a cup of coffee, we can start. It's gonna be a busy day folks." Marc said.

"Great." A.J. said as he took a seat next to Nick.

Nick stared at the table, oblivious to what was going on around him. He had one thing on his mind, and it was what Ewan was doing, that took him this long to answer. 'It's still early.' Nick thought to himself, trying to make up an excuse that would serve to comfort him.

"Hey Nick." A.J. said. "You Okay?"

Nick didn't hear A.J.'s words, for he was still lost in his thoughts. It wasn't until A.J. poked him in the arm, that he noticed A.J. was trying to get his attention.

"Earth to Nick." A.J. said.

"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

"I could tell that much." A.J. responded.

"Did you want something?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, I just wanted to know if you were Okay. You haven't touched any of your food." A.J. said with concern.

"I guess I'm not hungry. I don't have much of an appetite."

"You feeling okay? You usually eat as if you had a ringworm in your stomach." A.J. joked.

"Naw, not today. I just had trouble sleeping last night. I'll be fine though." Nick answered with a smile, hoping it would convince A.J.

"Nightmares?" A.J. asked.

"Naw, I was just restless. I guess I have a lot on my mind." Nick responded, once again feeling the urge to talk to someone.

"Well," A.J. began to speak, "My mom used to tell me that if you have something on your mind, and it won't let you sleep, you should share it with someone. That way, you'll only have half the burden, so you could sleep at night. She also said that once you've gotten some sleep, the problem won't seem so big the next day." A.J. said trying to break through the barriers Nick had up.

"Thanks A.J., I'll think about that." Nick said.

"Alright guys, let's get started." Marc announced as he sat down at the head of the table. "Like I said, we have a busy day, publicity wise, and on top of that, it's a show day." Marc said getting comfortable in his chair.

"We start off at nine-thirty, with a spot on the local radio station. We leave there as soon as we're done, and then it's off to an autograph signing session at the Virgin Megastore. That would be at approximately eleven o'clock. You're there until twelve-thirty, and then we break for lunch. You have until two-thirty, when you have to be at the MTV studios, where you have an appearance to do on TRL, at three-thirty. You've done it before, so it should be second nature. We're out of there at five, and we head back to Madison Square Garden for tonight's show. All of it is going down right here in the Times Square area, so there won't be much traveling. The good news is...you get the next few days off, after tonight's show. So, let's get through today, and we'll be fine. Any questions?" Marc finished.

Brian spoke up, as soon as Marc finished. "So there's no chance of us getting back to the hotel at all today?" Brian asked.

"No, I don't foresee it, so bring all of the stuff you'll need for tonight's show with you. We meet in forty-five, outside of your rooms. Anything else?" Marc asked the group. No one raised their hand or spoke.

"Good. I'm gonna grab some breakfast and bring it up to my room, so that I can make some calls. If anyone needs me, I'll be there." Marc finished, as he stood up and made his way towards the food.

"I'm not too hungry." Nick said to the others. "I'm gonna go up to my room. I'll see you guys when we have to leave." Nick announced, as he stood up from the conference table, and walked out of the room.

"What was that all about?" Brian asked, as soon as Nick left the room.

"I don't know." A.J. answered. "He said that he couldn't sleep last night."

"Really?" Kevin asked, as silence fell upon them.

"Hey guys," Howie spoke up. "I was thinking about what A.J. said yesterday, you know, about doing something ourselves to help Nick. We should do something soon, because he looks worse and worse every day." Howie said.

"What do you wanna do?" A.J. asked.

"Well, I thought maybe if we each tried to do something with him individually, you know to cheer him up, he won't think that we're ganging up on him. Each of us could try and get him to talk to us, you know?" Howie suggested.

"That's cool." Kevin said. "Who wants to go first?" He asked the group.

A.J. was about to volunteer, because he wanted to try and fulfill the promise he made himself last night to help Nick, when Brian spoke up first.

"I'll go first." Brian said, as A.J. was forced to keep quiet. "What should I do though?" Brian asked.

"I dunno." Howie said.

"You should ask him to lunch," Kevin continued, as Brian listened intently, "and try to talk to him there; just you and him...one on one. Try and make it seem like the old days, you know?" Kevin said.

"Yeah." Howie interrupted. "We'll make up some excuse why we can't go with the two of you, so that Nick will be forced to spend time with you."

"Geez, Howie. You make it sound like having lunch with me is torture."

"Well, you tend to be boring at times, Bri." A.J. joked.

"You know what I meant." Howie said, trying to get back to the subject at hand.

"Alright, I'll talk to him after the autograph signing." Brian answered.

"Cool. I'll go tell Marc that we're splitting up for lunch, and that you'll meet up with us at MTV." Kevin said.

Nick shut down his laptop for the third time that morning, and sat in despair. He looked over at the digital clock, which he was getting to know all too well. It read 8:30, only an hour after the last time he checked his e-mail.

He'd have to meet everyone soon, so he decided to gather the things he'd need, into his backpack. Once he was done, he looked over to the digital clock. It read 8:45. 'Should I check?' Nick thought to himself. 'I should just in case he's written.' Nick went through the same procedure as before, only to be disappointed, once again. He shut down his laptop, and sat silently in a chair. Once again, Nick looked over to the red numbers of the digital clock, as it read 8:50, only ten minutes until he'd have to meet the guys.

He looked at his laptop, contemplating whether or not he should bring it with him. 'If I do,' Nick thought to himself, 'I'll be checking it all day; but if I don't, I won't be able to concentrate. I'll end up wondering whether or not he's written yet. At least if I bring it, I'll know right away.' Nick thought to himself, deciding to bring it with him. He packed the laptop in its bag, and left to meet the guys.

"Nick, you're on time again." Kevin said. "You're starting to scare me." He joked.

"Well, maybe some of the stuff you've said over the years has finally sunken in." Nick responded.

"So, I see it only takes a few years for things to seep in through that thick skull of yours." Kevin continued to joke, as Nick gave him a half-hearted smile, not wanting to continue the conversation.

When Kevin saw Nick's expression, he tried to apologize. "I was only kidding Nick."

"I know." Nick said plainly, not wanting to argue; yet still letting Kevin know he wasn't amused.

'Jackass, gotta stop doing that.' Kevin thought to himself.

A.J. was the last to come out of his room. As soon as they were all assembled, Marc led the way downstairs, and to the awaiting limousines. As soon as they were inside, they were whisked away to begin the long day ahead.

The plane came to a complete stop, as it made contact with the gate. Ewan had just landed in New York, and would soon be reunited with his two best friends. He looked out the small window next to him, as the passengers around him began to move around. Ewan sat there, waiting for the last of the passengers to leave the plane. He pulled down the small duffle bag from the overhead bin, and began to walk towards the door.

"I thought I didn't see you come out." Jillian said. "I'd never forget a face like yours."

"Thanks. I'm flattered. Actually, I wanted to wait until everyone left, so I could talk to you." Ewan said.

"Oh?" Jillian asked in anticipation.

"Yeah. I just wanted to say goodbye, and that you've made this a wonderful flight." Ewan said.

"That's sweet of you." Jillian said, as she leaned in to give Ewan a kiss on the cheek.

"Uh...well, maybe I'll see you on the return flight." Ewan said, half in shock, and half embarrassed at her display of affection. "Betcha, that's not in your job description." Ewan joked.

"Nope. Like I said, I only do it for the cute ones." Jillian said as she stepped back onto the plane.

Ewan watched as she disappeared around the corner. He started down the long tube, leading him into the airport. Once he arrived at the gate, a man dressed in a suit was waiting, holding up a sign with his last name, but he didn't recognize the first name until he thought about it for a few seconds. After he figured it out, he chuckled to himself, and approached the man.

"Hi. I'm 'Ewewy' Mc Govern." Ewan said to the man.

"Welcome to New York, Mr. Mc Govern. I'm glad that you made your flight. When you didn't come out with the rest of the passengers, I thought for a second there you might have missed it."

"Actually, I almost didn't make it. I woke up late this morning, but the reason why I was last to come out was because I was detained by one of the stewardesses." Ewan blushed.

"I see. Well, I'm glad that you're here. Mr. Littrell left specific instructions for today." He explained, as he tried to take the bags from Ewan.

"It's ok...uh...what should I call you?" Ewan started to say.

"You can call me driver or skycap." The driver replied as he managed to wrestle the bags from Ewan.

"Actually, I'd rather not. Do you mind if I call you by your first name?" Ewan asked.

"Sure, you can call me whatever you want. You're the boss."

"Ok. Now you're starting to freak me out." Ewan said as he stopped, stopping the driver at the same time. "I know you probably don't get this much, but I'm only a 20 year old guy, and I'm a nobody. So, my name is Ewan, and yours is?"

"William, but I guess you can call me Bill. I'm sorry about earlier. I'm just used to customers calling me by more conventional names." Bill answered with an awkward look.

"Well, I'm not a conventional guy." Ewan said with a smile. "Now, what exactly were those instructions Mr. Littrell gave you?"

"He said that I'd be your driver for the entire day, and that at every possible moment, I should assist you with anything you needed, like carrying your bags." Bill answered, as he grabbed the bags from Ewan's hands.

"Oh, he did, did he? He just said those things because he knows how much I hate people fawning all over me. Well, I'll tell you what Bill, I won't tell Mr. Littrell that you didn't follow his stupid instructions, if you don't." Ewan said, taking back his bags.

"Whatever you say sir."

"That's the other thing. You don't need to call me sir. Ewan will do."

"I thought your name was Ewey?" Bill questioned, as they made their way to the baggage carousel.

"That's another one of Brian's stupid jokes. See, they're only funny to him. The rest of the world laughs at him, not with him." Ewan joked.

Bill grabbed Ewan's luggage as it came around on the carousel. After all of his suitcases were collected, he led him to the awaiting limousine. When Ewan saw the limousine, he thought to himself 'God Brian, you didn't have to go all out.'

Ewan rode in the limousine for an hour, when it suddenly stopped. He didn't pay much attention to where they were going, because he opted to sleep the whole way. When Bill opened the door, Ewan looked out at his surroundings. He immediately noticed that he was in Times Square, and would be staying in one of the posh hotels there. Bill led him inside, as he was greeted by one of the doormen. Ewan proceeded to the front desk, explained to the receptionist that he was staying with Brian Littrell, and that he should have left a package for him. After checking with her manager, the receptionist returned with a manila envelope, and handed it to Ewan.

Bill told Ewan to alert the concierge if he needed him. As they parted, a bellhop took Ewan's luggage, and loaded them onto a cart. He followed the bellhop through the grand lobby, to the elevators. Once inside, Ewan opened the envelope, and saw that Brian had left a room key, and two passes for the night's concert, along with a note. He took out the note, and began to read it.

Hey Ewan,

Glad you could make it. I can't wait to see you tonight. I hope everything went well, and that you liked Bill. I knew you'd know his name by now. I knew it'd bug you when he called you sir, that's whey I specifically asked him to do it. He's a real cool guy. He'll take you to the show tonight, and back. I'll ride with the guys. I don't want them to know you're here until the morning. I gotta go...I'll see you later tonight. THANKS again for coming.

Bri

As soon as he finished reading the note, Ewan took out the room key, and thought about a way to "Thank" Brian. The elevator doors opened onto the floor, and he stepped out, followed by the bellhop. Once they reached the room, Ewan opened the door and stepped inside. He attempted to help the bellhop put away the suitcases, but was waved off.

"Mr. Littrell explicitly requested that you not have to lift a piece of luggage." The bellhop said.

"Fine." Ewan gave in, seeing no use in arguing with the bellhop. He reached into his pocket for a tip, and pulled out a five-dollar bill. He attempted to hand it to the bellhop, but he refused.

"Mr. Littrell, has already generously taken care of it." He said. "Enjoy your stay, Sir."

"Did he tell you to call me 'sir'?" Ewan asked.

"Yes Sir." The bellhop answered.

"Okay. I was just checking. Thank you." Ewan said, as the bellhop left the room.

'You're dead Brian!!!' Was all Ewan could think.

Ewan moved his luggage to one side of the room, and began to unpack. Once he managed to put all of his belongings away, he decided to call his parents, to let them know he was in town. He picked up the phone, and dialed the telephone number. After a few rings, a familiar voice answered.

"Hello, McGovern residence." The voice said.

"Hi, Consuella?" Ewan asked into the telephone.

"Master Ewan. How are you?" She answered.

"I thought I told you to just call me Ewan."

"I'm sorry. Old habits are hard to break. How are you?"

"I'm doing good, and you?" Ewan asked her. She was his nanny since birth, and was closer to her than his natural mother.

"Very good, Ewan. We're busy here preparing for your brother's engagement party." She answered.

"That's right. I almost forgot. When is it again?"

"It's in two weeks, Ewan. You always did have trouble remembering these things."

"Well, I only choose to remember things that I care about." He answered.

"Ewan, that's no way to talk about Master Jonathan's engagement." She scolded. "I thought I taught you better."

"I know. I couldn't help myself. I can't believe he's marrying that girl, what's her face." Ewan answered.

"You mean, Ms. Gardner?" Consuella said.

"Yeah, that's her. I can't stand her."

"Well, I can't believe it either, but that is your brother's decision."

"You're right, Jon was always the one who made bad decisions in the family." Ewan joked.

"I agree." Consuella said laughing.

"See, you have taught me well." Ewan answered.

"So, why have you called?"

"I wanted to tell mother and father that I'm in town."

"Well, you just missed them. They left for a business trip to Houston."

"Figures, it's not like I was going to see them anyway. Just tell them I called I guess, and that I'll probably miss the engagement party because of finals." Ewan said sorely.

"I will Ewan. You take care now. Be safe, and I miss you." She said to her foster son.

"I will, and I miss you too. Tell Steph, I say hi by the way, and that I'm touring with the Back StreetBoys again. That'll be enough to get her jealous. Tell her to call or e-mail me too."

"I will. You have fun, and try not to get into too much trouble." She said, knowing how much a handful Ewan could be at times.

"I will. Bye Bye 'wella."

"Take care Ewan."

Ewan hung up the telephone, thinking that it was a waste of time calling his parents in the first place. He grabbed his jacket, and put it on. He checked his pockets for his key card, and walked out of the room. When he arrived in the lobby, he asked the concierge for Bill. The limousine arrived, and Bill stepped out to open the door for Ewan, when Ewan stopped him.

"Actually Bill, I just called to tell you to take the rest of the day off. I'm from the city, so I know my way around. If you could, just come pick me up after the concert. I'll meet you outside of the main entrance by the big electronic sign." Ewan said, as Bill tried to argue. As always, Ewan won out, and Bill gave in, agreeing to pick him up after the concert.

Ewan began to wander down the street, in search of his 'payback' prank for Brian.

Nick sat signing autographs for the many fans who lined up at the Virgin Megastore. He was grateful they were only signing autographs, because he could mindlessly accomplish that task, while thinking about other things. When it became unbearable for him to sign even one more autograph, he'd excuse himself, and hurry to the back room where he setup his laptop. He was feeling restless again, so he turned to Kevin who sat next to him.

"Hey Kev." Nick said, getting Kevin's attention.

"What's up Nick?" Kevin asked.

"I'm gonna take a break real quick. I need to go to the bathroom." Nick said, making up an excuse, so he could check his e-mail

"Again?" Kevin questioned. "That's the third time since we got here."

"I can't help it, I need to go."

"Alright, hurry up. Do you have any autographed pictures left?"

"Yeah, there's a stack left."

"Give 'em to me. You have until this stack is done. Now go, and hurry up." Kevin said.

"Thanks, Kev." Nick said, handing him the stack of pre-autographed pictures. "I'll be right back."

Nick left the table, to the disappointment of the crowd, leaving Kevin to explain his absence. Just as before, Nick left for the backroom to check his e-mail. Kevin resumed signing autographs, when Brian turned to him.

"Nick leave again?" Brian asked.

"Yeah. Apparently he drank too many liquids this morning, and has to go to the bathroom every hour now." Kevin remarked.

"Oh." Brian responded, knowing the real reason why Nick was constantly leaving. During the radio interview, Brian had seen Nick excuse himself a few times to check his e-mail. Brian saw him setup his laptop in the backroom, before they came out to sign autographs.

He was running on autopilot, signing autographs, while he thought about why Nick was constantly checking his mail. Memories of his break-in, into Nick's e-mail ran through his head, as he wondered what Nick had written to Ewan. He knew from the empty inbox he saw last night, that it was Ewan's turn to respond. Brian was kicking himself now for not having the guts to read Nick's e-mail's last night. He constantly thought about it, since he woke up this morning, but even more so now that nick kept leaving to check his e-mail. Brian's curiosity was growing, but he refused to let it get the best of him, like it almost did last night.

Brian shrugged the thought off, trying to concentrate on the task before him. 'It doesn't matter.' Brian thought to himself, 'Nick'll be able to talk to him soon enough, in person.' Brian smiled excited at the thought of being able to see Ewan after the concert.

Nick returned, after checking his e-mail another time. Kevin noticed the somber look on his face, and somehow knew Nick didn't leave to go to the bathroom. Kevin had to fight the urge to stop the signing, so he could talk to Nick. He couldn't' let it distract him, so he returned to signing autographs, as Nick sat back down next to him. Kevin could only hope their plan would work, and Brian would be able to break through to Nick. Half an hour later, the autograph signing was over. They apologized to the fans they couldn't get to, and said their goodbyes.

The security team, along with Marc, led them to the back room, to collect their things. Nick solemnly packed his laptop, cursing himself for bringing it with him. If it were possible, he wished he'd never have to see it, or e-mail, ever again. Ewan hadn't written back, and Nick questioned what he had done. He was having second thoughts about having sent that last e-mail to Ewan. Nick took his non-responsiveness as a sign that Ewan didn't take his e-mail too well. Nick felt even more depressed, thinking he had just ended their friendship. He thought to himself, if this was the way finally coming out to someone would be, he'd rather suffer, and hide it forever. 'I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't.' Nick said to himself. As they finished gathering their belongings, Marc reminded them of the lunch break, and of the time they needed to be at the MTV studio.

"Where we going to lunch guys?" Nick asked, trying to hide what he was feeling.

"Actually," Kevin began to answer. "Howie, A.J., and I have other plans." Kevin said, followed by a fake smile.

"Really?" Nick questioned.

Brian stepped in, feeling the awkwardness in the room. He didn't want Nick to become suspicious, so he put his arm around Nick's neck, and said, "I guess it's just you and me Frack."

When Nick heard Brian call him "Frack," his heart melted, and the tingly feeling in his stomach returned. He looked Brian in the eyes, and saw only love and concern. To Nick, it was a reminder of why he fell in love with Brian in the first place. His heart soared, and he felt everything around him stop. It was the first time, that day, he was able to forget the anticipation he had had built, waiting for Ewan to respond. Nick reveled in the fact that Brian was the only one able to do that to him. In that instant, all of his problems vanished, as he could only think about the love he felt for Brian.

As quick and as powerful as that moment was, Nick's natural art of skepticism, and worry kicked in. He realized that he'd have to be alone with Brian, forced to sit and eat at a table, in a public place. Nick began to panic, and the goofy expression of someone in love, faded from his face. He was afraid he wouldn't be able to handle it, and that he would snap. He stiffened when he realized Brian's arm was still draped around his neck.

Brian noticed the change in Nick's expression, and felt saddened. For a brief moment, he saw Nick happy. He knew he saw and felt the Nick he once knew. For months, he was deprived of that feeling, and now he was only able to taste it for a brief moment. There was no awkwardness between them, and it didn't feel like Nick was pulling himself away, but that moment was short lived, and bittersweet. Although Brian was back to where he started, he was grateful for the small show of affection in Nick's eyes. He knew there was still hope. He told himself he'd just have to work harder to get things to return to normal.

A.J. saw the change in both Nick and Brian's expressions. He didn't want their first intervention with Nick to fail, so he took Brian aside.

"Hey, Brian. Can I talk to you for a sec?" A.J. asked.

"Yeah, sure. Nick, why don't I meet you outside in the limousine." Brian said to Nick.

"Sure."

"C'mon Nick," Howie said, leading him out the door with Kevin. "We'll see you guys outside."

Brian acknowledged Howie, and walked over to A.J.

"Don't let him get you down Bri. It's gonna to be tough at first, but eventually we'll be able to break through to him." A.J. said.

"Yeah, I know. It's just, I want so bad for things to go back to they way they were." Brian answered.

"I know. So do I, but you...I mean we, have to be prepared if things don't. The best we could ask for is for things to get 'as close' to normal as possible. If we could get him to talk to us again, that'll be a big enough step. Right now, he's probably confused, and lost. He's not in the right state of mind to make rational decisions, although to him, those options may seem like the only ones he has at the moment." A.J. explained, drawing from his experiences from his own past.

"Like I said, he may not be receptive now, but eventually he'll have to talk. He can't keep this inside forever." A.J. said to Brian.

Brian looked at A.J., wondering how he knew all of this. As far as he knew, they've never experienced anything worse than Nick's self-alienation, since they became friends.

"Since when did you become the psychology expert?" Brian asked.

"I'm not. I just know certain things." A.J. responded.

Brian could usually tell how a person was feeling, or what they were trying to say, when he looked in their eyes. He was a firm believer in the saying, "The eyes never lie." He tried to look into A.J.'s eyes, but his dark sunglasses blocked them from view. Brian knew there was more to A.J.'s explanation, and he wanted to question A.J. more, but they were running out of time. He wanted to spend as much time at lunch, trying to talk to Nick. He gave A.J. one look, but let the subject drop, as they made their way outside.

"Table for two?" The hostess asked as Brian walked up to her. Nick stayed behind, looking at the various sports memorabilia along the walls.

"Yes. Actually, I called earlier for reservations." Brian explained.

"Mr. Littrell?" She questioned.

"Yes. That's it."

"Wow. I took the reservation, but I didn't believe it would be you. Usually, celebrities make dining arrangements with the managers."

"That's alright. We were just down the street, signing autographs. I thought Nick and I would come down to have lunch here."

"Nick? As in Nick Carter? He's here too?" She asked, trying to contain her excitement. Seeing her reaction, Brian now knew why celebrities preferred to make reservations with managers, rather than young hostesses.

"Yeah. He's right over there." Brian said pointing to where Nick stood. She almost didn't recognize him with his sunglasses on. "Now Cindy," Brian said looking at her nametag. "It's Cindy right?"

"Huh? Oh, yes, I'm sorry Mr. Littrell. You just caught me off guard." She explained, trying to maintain her professionalism.

"That's alright. If you could seat us in a private area, we'd greatly appreciate it." Brian said, giving her a huge grin. The hostess almost started to scream when she saw Brian's smile. She thought to herself how much better he looked in person, than in pictures. Brian knew how to turn up the charm when he was in this type of situation. It wasn't often, but it did happen. He found out early on that one of his smiles, or the offer of an autograph, usually worked.

"Of course. If you and Mr. Carter would follow me, I'll seat you right away."

Brian went over to Nick, and told him that they were about to go in. Nick was purposely trying to keep a safe distance from Brian, but he could no longer avoid it. For the next two hours, he was going to be locked in at a table with Brian. This wasn't something he was looking forward to. The short walk from the record store, to the restaurant, and the elevator ride upstairs, seemed longer due to the excruciating silence between them. Neither of them said a word, although Nick thought he saw Brian think about making an attempt to talk. Lately, any interaction between the two of them, ended up being awkward. In the past two months, he hadn't spent any time alone with Brian, unless he had to. Even then, he tried to find an excuse not to be alone with him. Now, there was no way out, Nick thought to himself. Unless he faked a heart attack, Nick knew he'd have to go through with this.

As they sat down, the hostess handed them two menus, and told them their server would be there shortly. Nick and Brian looked through the menu for something to eat. Neither of them could concentrate long enough to choose something. Brian's thoughts were preoccupied, trying to think of a way to talk to Nick, or to just talk to him in general. He couldn't think of a time where he had this much trouble trying to talk to Nick. He was beginning to think it was a bad idea for him to go first, in their attempt to bring Nick back. Brian sat silently, staring at his menu.

Nick quickly gave up on trying to choose a dish. He told himself that he wasn't hungry anyway. He was extremely nervous, and knew he wouldn't be able to keep anything in his stomach, even if he wanted to. He put his menu down, and looked over at Brian, who was still concentrating hard on his menu. Nick studied his face and his form, and let out a sigh. He missed Brian. Nick glanced at Brian's blonde hair, and knew if he tried hard enough, he could even breathe in his scent. He noticed Brian's eyebrows furrowed together, and knew he was in deep thought. Nick noticed that it was a trait Brian and Kevin had in common, when they were in deep thought. He couldn't help but smile, thinking how cute it was. He knew he loved Brian, and he desperately wanted that love returned, but for now, he'd have to settle for stealing small glances here and there, like he was doing now.

"What are you going to have Nick?" Brian asked, as he looked up from his menu. He noticed that Nick was looking at him, but Nick quickly looked away, as their eyes met.

When Brian brought him out of his trancelike state, Nick fumbled for his menu.

"Um..." Nick said searching for an answer. His heart was racing, and he could feel the heat rise to his face, as he started to break out into a nervous sweat.

"Hi, My name's Rob, I'll be your waiter. Can I start you guys off with some drinks?" Their waiter asked, as Nick thanked god for the interruption. He tried to compose himself, but his heart was still racing.

"I'll have a Coke." Brian said.

"I'll have a Coke too, and a shot of Vodka?" Nick said, adding in the last part with some hesitation. If he wanted to get through lunch, he needed something to loosen him up.

Brian and the waiter were confused with Nick's last request, and looked at him questioningly.

"I'm sorry sir. Did you say a shot of Vodka?" The waiter asked, as Nick nodded. "Okay, but I'll need to see some I.D. for that."

Nick cursed himself, knowing he wouldn't be able to get his drink. He thought about using his celebrity status, but didn't' want to embarrass himself any further, especially in front of Brian. He was about to speak up, when he heard Brain say something.

"Um...Actually, that sounds like a good idea Nick, but you're too young to have the shot. So, I'll take one instead." Brian said to the waiter, as he took out his Driver's License. The waiter looked at Brian's ID, and gave it back to him.

"I'll be back with your drinks, and to take your order."

As soon as he left, Brian turned to Nick. Nick was afraid of what Brian would say, and readied himself for a "Kevinesque" lecture. He didn't think the situation could get any worse than it was now.

"So what are you going to have?" Brian asked Nick. Nick was confused at the question. It wasn't what he expected.

"Um...I don't know yet." Nick said, not being able to look directly at Brian.

"I think I'll have a Burger." Brian said, as Nick became even more confused. He wanted to ask Brian why he hadn't said anything, but didn't want to return to that subject, if Brian was willing to drop it.

"That sounds good. I think I'll have one too." Nick said nervously.

The waiter came back with their drinks, and set them down on the table, leaving the shot of vodka next to Brian. He took their order, and told them he'd bring it out as soon as possible. As soon as the waiter left, Brian moved the shot glass in front of Nick. He looked at Brian, not knowing what was going on.

"You should drink that, before he gets back." Brian said stoically.

Nick looked at Brian, wondering what he was doing. He looked at him, as if asking for permission to take the drink.

"It's okay Nick." Brian said, "That is what you wanted, isn't it?"

Nick nodded, feeling guilty, but took the drink anyway. He gave Brian one last look, as if to say 'Last chance,' but received no objection from Brian. Nick took the shot, chasing it down with his Coke.

"Thanks Bri." Nick said, appreciating Brian's gesture.

"It's alright. I know you're stressed. Just don't expect me to do it again any time soon. Actually, I should've gotten one myself. I could use one right now." Brian said, making Nick laugh.

"Why? From what I saw yesterday morning, I would think you'd swear the stuff off, at least for a while." Nick joked.

"That's true." Brian said as he thought back on his hangover yesterday. "I'm a little nervous right now." Brian admitted, trying to talk to Nick.

"Nervous?" Nick asked. "Why?"

"This is the first time we've actually had lunch, let alone spent some time together in a while. It feels like I'm on a first date." Brian joked, and looked at Nick, disappointed at not seeing the reaction he'd hoped for.

Nick froze, once again, when he heard Brian's last sentence. He was confused, and didn't know what Brian meant by it. 'Was that a joke?' he asked himself.

"That's my fault." Nick admitted. "I know I've been pushing everyone away lately...especially you."

"It's alright." Brian said.

"No. It's not alright. If I was a real friend, I wouldn't do that." Nick said, beating himself up.

"You ARE a real friend, Nick. You just have trouble seeing that sometimes. That's what I'm here for; to remind you when you loose sight of that fact." Brian said with a smile, attempting to comfort Nick. He hoped it was the right thing to say. He never knew what to say to Nick anymore.

Nick smiled at Brian. He always knew how to make Nick feel better. He was the only other person, other than Ewan, who could do that. He felt special when he was around Brian. That was one of the reasons he loved him so much. That was also the reason why he couldn't figure out how he could love this person so much, yet have trouble spending time with him.

Silence fell between the two of them. It wasn't the comfortable silence they usually felt, but an awkward one. Brian felt it, and didn't want Nick to pull further away, now that they were able to make somewhat of a breakthrough.

"Do you want to talk about it Nick?" Brian asked.

Nick focused on Brian again, and on his words. He was vulnerable, and wanted to say something to Brian. He thought it over in his head, but hesitated when he thought about what might happen if Brian didn't have the same feelings towards him.

"Naw, it's cool. I don't really want to get into it right now." Nick said, having to fight his conflicting emotions with every word.

"Okay." Brian said, feeling rejected. "Nick?" Brian said trying to get his attention. "We don't have to talk about it. I understand, but can I just ask you one question?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Did...did I...I mean..." Brian started to speak, stumbling over his words, nervous about what he was about to ask. "Did I do something wrong?"

"What?" Nick asked in disbelief, after processing what Brian had asked.

"Did I do something wrong? I mean, to us...to our friendship. It just seems like you've been more distant with me, and we don't talk like we used to, and I could sense that you didn't want to have lunch by ourselves today, and..." Brian began to ramble, not being able to stop the flow of emotions he's felt for the past few months. "...I was just wondering. Cause if it's my fault, I'll do whatever it takes..." Brian started to speak again, but couldn't find the words to continue. "...forget it. We don't need to talk about this."

"No." Nick said. "It's not your fault. Oh god, it could NEVER be your fault. It's...It's...It's just me. Trust me Bri...what I'm going through right now..." Nick started to say, but stopped himself. "It's...Just know it's not your fault." Nick said, looking at Brian with sympathetic eyes. 'That's typical Brian for ya.' Nick thought to himself. He was never selfish, and would rather blame himself, before he blamed anyone else. That was another reason why Nick loved him so much. He looked at him with so much love, and care. Nick had to muster every ounce of self-control within him, to stop himself from moving over to Brian and kissing him.

"Thanks. I was just wondering." Brian said, sheepishly. "We don't have to talk about this now, but when you're ready...I'll always be here."

"Thanks Brian." Nick said, smiling at him, knowing how much he loved Brian.

Their waiter chose that moment to return with their food. Now that the gap between them was narrowed, they felt at ease with each other, enough to talk casually.

Because I Love You By: Lucas

Chapter 8

"Hey guys?" Howie said trying to get Kevin and A.J.'s attention.

"What's up Howie?" Kevin asked.

"Why don't you two go on ahead to lunch. I need to run back to the hotel, 'cause I forgot something."

"You sure D? We can go back with you, catch lunch at the hotel, and then go to the studio?" A.J. asked.

"Naw, it's alright. I might even skip lunch, and take a nap. You guys go. I'll meet up with you at the studio." Howie said.

"Alright. Why don't you take the limo then. A.J. and I can find a place around here." Kevin said.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

"Thanks. I'll see you guys later then." Howie said, as he got into the limousine.

As soon as it pulled away, Kevin turned to A.J. and asked, "So, where do you want to eat?"

"I don't know. We have a few hours to kill, and it's a nice day, so why don't we get something to go. We can eat outside." A.J. said.

"Where? Is there a park around here?"

"We can ask someone. I'm sure there's something." A.J. responded.

"Fine. I'm cool with that. You lead the way."

A.J. took the lead, as the two of them went off to find a place to eat. They stumbled upon a deli, and walked inside. After ordering two sandwiches, and some potato chips, A.J. asked the cashier if he knew of a park in the area. The young man directed him towards the public library, on Forty-second Street. A.J. thanked him, and walked in the direction he showed them. A few minutes later, they found the park next to a building with lots of stairs. A.J. opted for a park bench, instead of the stairs, which were occupied by people, who were probably on their lunch break from the monotony of their jobs. Kevin and A.J. sat down, and began to pull out the sandwiches they bought, from the brown paper bag they were in.

"This was a good idea A.J." Kevin said. "It's a pretty nice park too. It feels weird though, having a park in the middle of the city like this."

"Yeah, it does feel weird, but Manhattan wasn't always a big city like this. It was all woods, and inhabited by Native Americans, before it was taken over." A.J. explained. "People just built buildings, and industry around the woods, and what was left, became little parks."

"Thanks for the history lesson, Bone. Since when did you become such an expert?" Kevin joked.

"Hey, just cause I have crazy hair, and tattoos doesn't make me stupid. Nick's supposed to be the stupid one, remember?" A.J. joked.

"I know. I was just kidding." Kevin said as he took a bite out of his sandwich. "So how do you think Brian and Nick are doing?" Kevin said, changing the subject.

A.J. thought about his response, before saying anything. "I don't know. It depends on whether or not Brian's having an emotional breakdown with him." A.J. joked.

"That's true. Brian does tend to get emotional sometimes."

"Sometimes? Try all the time." A.J. joked.

"One of us should've gone first. Brian's too close to Nick." Kevin said.

"I wanted to go first, but Brian beat me to it." A.J. said quietly. Kevin and A.J. sat in silence, thinking to themselves, until Kevin spoke up.

"What are you thinking about?" Kevin asked A.J.

"Nothing." A.J. responded.

"C'mon A.J., I know you better than that. You've got that look on your face. Is it about what you wouldn't tell me at the concert?" Kevin asked.

A.J. didn't answer Kevin. Instead he chose to stare at a squirrel, as it ran across the park and into a tree. He thought about what he would say to Kevin. Kevin saw A.J.'s non-responsiveness, and took it as a sign that he didn't' want to talk about it. "We don't have to talk about it, if you don't want." Kevin said dejectedly.

A.J. and Kevin sat, eating their sandwiches. Neither one of them spoke. A.J. was the first one to break the silence this time.

"Kev?" A.J. asked.

"What's up A.J.?"

"Can I ask you a serious question?" A.J. asked timidly.

"Yeah, sure."

"How did you know about me? I mean, how did you know to come in when you did?" A.J. asked.

Kevin sat next to A.J., and looked at his profile. A.J. hadn't made eye contact when he asked that question. Kevin knew he was being serious. What he didn't understand was why A.J. was asking this question now.

"Well, I don't really know. I just know that I knew. You could say that something called me to your room that night." Kevin tried to explain.

"Yeah, but how did you 'know?'" A.J. asked again.

"Honestly?"

"Yeah."

"I guess I've always known. I mean, I had my doubts, but it was always in the back of my mind." Kevin said, but knew his answer didn't satisfy A.J. "Do you really want to know?" Kevin asked

Still, A.J. didn't look at Kevin, and just nodded.

"Since you really want to know. It started crossing my mind more often, when I noticed the late night guests you had." Kevin explained.

A.J. thought back on the memories, of that night. After that night, he pushed them away as far as he could, and wanted to forget about them. He turned to look at Kevin now, and replayed all of the events in his mind, as he listened to Kevin.

"Thanks. The money's on the nightstand." A.J. said quietly as he lay naked under the covers, in the fetal position.

The young man finished dressing himself, and took the money from the nightstand. He looked at A.J., who had a blank stare on his face.

"Hey buddy, if you're ever in town again, give me a call. I'll leave my number on the table." The young man said. A.J. didn't acknowledge him, and continued to stare, trying to fight the tears that were forming in his eyes. When he heard the door open and close shut, he couldn't hold in his sadness any longer, and began to cry. He wasn't sobbing, or crying audibly.

Tears just streamed from his eyes, across his face, and were soaked up by the bed sheets. This was how it always ended. A.J. could feel nothing but sorrow, confusion, and guilt, but he remembered that this was how it always ended...this was how it was supposed to be.

Kevin stood outside his room, and watched as an unfamiliar young man, leave A.J.'s room. As of late, this was Kevin's nightly ritual. At first he wondered who the strange men A.J. chose to entertain were, but eventually figured it out, and let it be. Each night, he watched as one of them would leave A.J.'s hotel room. Kevin didn't understand what drove him to stand guard every night, but nonetheless, he found himself doing it. Maybe it was to make sure A.J. was safe, or maybe it was to satisfy his own curiosity, Kevin wasn't sure. He was about to open the door to his room, to settle in for the night, when something stopped him.

Kevin glanced back at A.J.'s door, and was strangely drawn to it. He closed the door before him, and began to walk towards A.J.'s room. It wasn't until tonight that he decided to check on A.J. personally. It was enough for him to watch his guest leave, but tonight was different. Kevin stood in front of A.J.'s door, and knocked. After hearing no response, he knocked again and called out A.J.'s name. Still, Kevin got no response. He fished through his pockets for the master room key, their tour manager had recently given him. At the time, Kevin questioned why he was made in charge of such a thing, but he figured it was situations like these, where he would need it. He felt uneasy at being given that responsibility. Lately, it seemed like their management was giving him more and more of these kinds of responsibilities. Kevin didn't know how he felt about it, but he took it in stride, telling himself it was just another part of being the oldest in the band. When he couldn't find the key in his pockets, he remembered he left it in his room. He walked back to retrieve the key.

A.J. stood from his bed, feeling disgusted with himself for what he had just done. Although he had done it many times before, he was never able to get used to the feelings that stayed with him afterwards. Still naked, he walked over to his suitcase, pulled out a few items, and walked into the bathroom. He left the door slightly open, and walked to the tub to turn on the water. As he stood up, he turned around and looked at himself in the mirror. This was always the hard part, he thought. He hated himself so much, that the hardest thing for him to do was to look at his own reflection.

A.J. looked at the haggard image that was reflected back at him, and cringed in disgust. He looked at his tear stained face, and red puffy eyes, thinking how weak he was for letting it get to him. He felt dirty, and wanted to wash away all of his pain. Once again, he looked at himself, but this time he felt sick to his stomach. He could feel his stomach churn, and he gagged, knowing how badly he wanted to throw up. He knew that was the next step, because he'd gone through it so many times before. He could never get used to the usual song-and-dance routine, but like a drug addiction, he could never get enough.

Not able to hold it in any longer, he turned to the open toilet in front of him, and vomited. He continued to vomit, until he was left dry heaving. He clutched onto the rim of the cold, white, porcelain, with his head half in the bowl. The stench filled his nostrils, letting him know another part of his cleansing ritual was done. He hated every minute of it, and constantly thought of finding a way out. For years, he looked for one. No matter how hard he looked, or how hard he tried, he could only think of one way to end his pain. He considered that method of escape, every time he went through this, but could never bring himself to do it. He was too scared, and hated himself even more for being weak. A.J. clutched onto the cold porcelain with dear life.

He pushed himself away from the toilet, in disgust, and sat on the cold tile floor. He clutched his knees to his chest, rocking himself back and forth in mock comfort, as his tears started again. He was sobbing out loud now, almost whaling in pain. Like the other feelings he felt, the next one didn't come as a surprise to him, but hit him just as hard as the others.

A.J.'s pain was now being replaced by anger and rage. A.J. was generally a calm, peaceful person. He internalized his anger, and as a result, his rage was usually multiplied ten fold. He shot up from the floor, to face himself one more time in the mirror. It was the constant battle he fought with himself. He hated the image that was reflected at him. It taunted him, calling him weak and pathetic. A.J.'s anger was at it's full now, and he couldn't bear it anymore. He looked over to the towel, he had brought with him into the bathroom and stuck his hand underneath. He wrapped his hand around a piece of cold steel, gripping onto it as if his life depended on it.

Kevin found the key he was looking for, and walked towards A.J.'s room once again, this time with a sense of urgency. He had never gone into one of their rooms without their permission, and only hopped A.J. would understand. Kevin stuck the key in the door and turned the lock. He grabbed onto the cold, metal handle, and turned it. The door clicked open, and he pushed it in. He stuck his head inside, trying to see if A.J. was there. When he saw that the room was empty, Kevin walked inside, closing the door quietly behind him. He looked around, and saw that the hotel room was empty. He looked over to one of the beds, and saw the disheveled sheets. It only served as another confirmation of what he suspected A.J. was doing. He thought about leaving, but for some unknown reason, was drawn further into the dark room.

Kevin noticed the light coming through the small crack, left by the bathroom door. He heard the sound of the shower running. He assumed A.J. was inside taking a shower. At that moment, his wanting to leave couldn't have been any stronger, but he continued towards the door. He placed his clammy hand on the knob, as his heart raced with nervousness. He didn't know what he was doing, but knew he had to do it. He pushed the door open, and stood in the doorway just as A.J. pulled a gun from underneath a towel, pointing it at his temple.

Kevin panicked, as he felt his legs paralyze underneath him. He looked at A.J., wanting to run over and stop him, but couldn't. All he could accomplish was to yell out his name.

"A.J., what the hell are you doing?" Kevin said.

It took a while for Kevin's words to register in A.J.'s head, and even longer for him to realize he was no longer alone in the bathroom.

Feeling managed to return to Kevin's legs, as he tried to approach A.J. When A.J. realized what was going on, he turned towards Kevin, and moved the gun from his temple, pointing it at Kevin. Kevin stopped from advancing. A.J. took a step back, distancing himself from Kevin. He looked at Kevin, and saw the fear he had in his eyes. He blamed himself for forcing that fear into one of his best friends. He started to cry again, and his vision began to blur over from the tears.

"Get out of here Kevin." A.J. said softly.

"What?" Kevin asked equally as soft, for his throat was dry, making it difficult for him to talk.

"I said, Get the fuck out of here Kevin." A.J. screamed, as he began to tremble.

"Alex, just put the gun down. You're scaring me." Kevin said. "If you put it down, we can talk about it, and we can work something out. I promise." Kevin pleaded with A.J.

"Just get the FUCK out of here Kevin. This is none of your business. You can't help me. I can't help me. No one can fucking help poor old A.J."

A.J. ranted. "I don't need any help. I just need to do this, then I won't be a burden on anyone any more." A.J. said lifting the gun back to his right temple.

Kevin was even more frightened. He didn't want to witness A.J.'s suicide. He didn't want A.J. to die.

"A.J., come on...Please put the gun down. I don't want you to die. I don't want to lose you." Kevin said.

A.J. looked at Kevin's pleading eyes. He didn't want to die either; he just wanted the pain to stop.

"There's no other way Kev. I've tried, please believe me...I've tired to find another way, but there isn't one. I...I need to do this. I can't take it anymore. Please leave Kevin...Just leave." A.J. begged as he broke down even more, and the tears flowed from his weary eyes.

"Don't do this A.J." Kevin said. "We need you, bro."

"Nobody needs me. If you really knew who I was, you wouldn't want me!!!" A.J. yelled out in despair. His tears were flowing freely now. He was sniffling, and needed to clear his vision. He took his left hand and brought it up to his eyes, wiping away the tears.

As soon as Kevin saw A.J. wipe away his tears, he screamed as loud as he could, and charged at A.J. Thinking back, Kevin could hardly recall this part, as it was the most unclear to him. He caught A.J. off guard, and the next thing he knew, he made contact with A.J.'s naked stomach. His shoulder rammed into A.J. pinning him against the wall.

When Kevin made contact with A.J.'s midsection, the wind was knocked out of him. It was unclear to A.J. what happened next, but all he knew was the pain he felt. It was so overwhelming, that he let go of the gun in his hand, as he doubled over. As it hit the floor, Kevin saw it fall next to his foot, and he kicked it across the room. He concentrated on holding A.J. down. A.J. struggled as hard as he could, pounding on Kevin's back, kicking and screaming as hard as he could, demanding that Kevin let him go. Kevin could feel the pain, as A.J. made contact with his body, but he managed to block it out, concentrating only on holding A.J. against the wall.

Eventually, A.J. was too tired to fight Kevin anymore. His pounding slowed, and his kicking became weak. His screams died down, as his vocal chords succumbed to the strain. His head fell in defeat, and only silent tears came from A.J. His feet were too weak to hold him up, as he sank to the floor. Kevin's grip never lessened, because he feared A.J. would attempt to retrieve the gun. A.J. buried his head in Kevin's shoulder and began to sob. When both of them reached the cold tile floor, Kevin arranged himself so that he was sitting; yet still holding onto A.J., who cried next to him.

Kevin stroked A.J.'s hair with one hand, and his back with the other. Kevin closed his eyes and looked up to the sky, thanking god he was able to stop A.J. in time. He opened his eyes, and lowered his head. He looked across the room, and spotted the silver gun sitting next to the door. Kevin was never more scared, than he was a few moments ago. He turned his view from the gun, and looked at the top of A.J.'s weakened form. A.J. was shivering now, as his tears began to subside. Kevin noticed A.J.'s trembling, and for the first time realized that A.J. was naked.

"I'm sorry Kevin," A.J. said into Kevin's body, as he shook his head. "I'm so sorry."

Kevin could hardly hear A.J. speak, but made out the words, as A.J. repeated them over and over. Kevin shushed A.J., telling him that it was alright, and that everything would be "okay." He listened to A.J.'s quiet whimpers, as the steam created by the hot water, enveloped them. When Kevin felt A.J. calm down, he started to speak.

"A.J., why don't you take a shower, and get yourself cleaned up. I'll wait for you outside, and we can talk if you want." Kevin said as he tried to help A.J. stand up. He led A.J. into the shower, asking him if he would be alright. A.J. nodded, as Kevin closed the shower curtain and walked towards the door. Before he made it out the door, he looked down to the ground, and saw the gun lying there. He looked back towards A.J. in the shower, before he picked up the gun and closed the bathroom door. Kevin held the gun in his right hand, and only then did it dawn on him that A.J. could have died tonight. He walked over to the door, opened it, and walked back down the hall to his room. He opened the door, and found a place for the gun. He put it away, never wanting to see it again. Not wanting to miss A.J. coming out of the shower, he left the darkness of his room, and walked back, hoping he could console his friend.

As soon as Kevin returned to A.J.'s room, he checked to see if he had come out yet. When he heard the shower still running, he took it as a good sign. He walked over to the suitcase on the floor, looking for something A.J. could change into. He pulled out a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt, along with a pair of briefs. He opened the door to the bathroom.

"A.J., I'm leaving some fresh clothes for you on the counter." Kevin said, but didn't receive a response from A.J. "A.J.? Are you alright?" Kevin asked, but again didn't hear a response from A.J.

Worried, Kevin called A.J.'s name again, and pulled the shower curtain slightly open, to check on A.J. When he looked inside, Kevin saw him sitting in the corner of the bathtub, hugging his knees to his chest, as the water cascaded over his body. Kevin shut off the water, and grabbed a towel from the counter. He wrapped it around A.J., and led him out of the bathtub. Kevin leaned him against the counter, took another towel, and finished drying off A.J., who was now shivering from being in the shower so long. Kevin grabbed the clothes he brought in, and dressed A.J. Kevin looked at A.J., who had a lost look on his face. He was scared for him, and for himself. He'd never been in a situation like the one he was in tonight.

He took one of A.J.'s arms, slung it around his neck, and led him into the bedroom. He pulled down the covers from the unused bed, and lay A.J. down, covering him with the blankets.

"We'll talk tomorrow A.J., just sleep for now. I'll stay here. I'll be right here when you wake up." Kevin said solemnly, hoping A.J. understood what he was saying. He shut the lights in the room, sat in a chair, and settled into the darkness.

Kevin put down the remains of his sandwich and picked up his drink. He took a sip from the bottle, and looked directly at A.J. A.J. sat on the bench, holding his half-eaten sandwich. Kevin noticed he hadn't taken a bite from it, in the past fifteen minutes. He saw a blank expression on A.J.'s face, which brought him back to the night he stopped A.J. from killing himself. He hadn't seen that expression on A.J.'s face in three years. Chills ran up his spine, as goose bumps appeared on his body. Kevin knew A.J. was thinking about the same thing. He wondered what prompted him to think of that night now, because they've never discussed it, since it happened.

Kevin continued to watch A.J. in deep thought. He couldn't help but join A.J. in the place he was in now. He thought back on that night, and about what he found out the next morning.

Kevin watched the sunrise from the window of the room. He wasn't able to sleep last night, and decided to stay awake in case A.J. woke up in the middle of the night. As the light filtered into the room, he looked back at the bed that held A.J.'s sleeping body. He looked so peaceful, Kevin thought. Only in death is there a more peaceful sleep. Kevin thought of how close A.J. came to that last night.

Kevin thought to himself how lucky they were that today was an off day. He looked around the room for A.J.'s cell phone. When he found it, he walked into the bathroom, not wanting to wake A.J. He scrolled through the phone numbers A.J. had stored in the memory, and found Brian's cell phone number. He pressed a button, and it automatically dialed. After a few rings, Brian's voicemail answered. After Kevin heard the tone, he left a message.

"Hey Brian, It's Kevin. I'm with A.J. right now, and we decided to hang out today. I just wanted to let you know. We're probably going to a movie, and maybe do some shopping. We won't be around all day, and I'm not sure about tonight. I didn't want you to worry, if you didn't see us all day. Just do me a favor, Bri. Watch Nick for me, and make sure he doesn't get into any trouble. Thanks Bri. I'll talk to you later." Kevin said, and hung up the phone. Kevin walked back into the room, and sat back down in the chair, waiting for A.J. to wake up. As Kevin thought back on that day, one thought stood out in his mind. It was the longest day in his life.

After A.J. woke up that morning, Kevin could remember how terrible he looked. Even though he was able to sleep through most of the night, he still looked tired and haggard. Kevin decided to take him out of the hotel room, so that memories of the night before wouldn't plague him. They were still in a time where the BackStreet Boys weren't a household name yet, so they hardly ever worried about going out in public. Kevin took A.J. down to a park by the lake. He had been quiet the whole time, even while they were at lunch. Kevin sat him down on a bench, wanting to talk to him. What A.J. told him that day, would be one of the saddest things Kevin had ever heard, and the biggest secret he'd ever keep.

Kevin could remember how hard it was to get A.J. to talk to him that day. After about an hour at the park, he was able to finally speak. Although it was three years ago, Kevin could still recollect every word A.J. spoke that day. He told Kevin the story of how when he was younger, it was only him and his mother. She had to work most of the time, to make ends meet, so he spent most of his time with a babysitter who lived next door. At the time, his mother thought it was the best decision, because the sitter had a son who was older than A.J. She thought it would be good for A.J. to have a male influence in his life. There was nobody but A.J., and now Kevin, who knew how detrimental that decision was.

A.J. never told anyone about what happened on those hot afternoons, after school, in the older boy's room. Thinking back on what A.J. told him that day, the memory of the hurt in A.J.'s face came flooding back to Kevin.

He'd never seen such agony in anyone. He secretly didn't want to know what A.J. was hiding, because he was afraid that whatever was causing it, would also consume him. Kevin wasn't sure if he could handle it himself, but he knew if he wanted to help A.J. He'd have to listen, and relive A.J.'s pain alongside him. He'd have to be there for his friend, no matter what.

A.J. broke down many times that day, but eventually was able to recount the entire story to Kevin. He relived painful memories that he tried so hard to keep buried away. He told Kevin how it started off with innocent children's games, between himself and the older boy. He would innocently tickle A.J., but as each day went on, it became more and more. Their horseplay eventually escalated to include sexual acts. Kevin thought about how young A.J. must have been, and he grew angry with the older boy who should have known better than to take advantage of someone left in his care. What struck Kevin the most was when A.J. told him what happened that day, after years of "fooling around." It was at that point, Kevin could no longer hold in his emotions, and broke down himself. It was at that instant, A.J. became the one comforting Kevin, rather than the other way around. Three years later, Kevin sat next to A.J. reliving, in his mind, the events of that day.

"I think I was thirteen when it happened. I could never forget that day Kev. I just came home from school, and my mom was on her way out to work her second job. As she was about to leave, she gave me a kiss on the cheek, and told me to be good. If only I listened to her, maybe none of it would have happened. I walked out the door with her, and across the hall.

"The lady who watched over me, had to run out on an errand, but her son was there. I almost told my mom that I didn't want to stay there with him, but I didn't have the heart to. We were already struggling, and I knew I didn't want to give my mom any more grief. So, I went inside, and he closed the door. I knew what would happen next, because it happened every day. I followed him to his room, and he locked the door. He told me to sit on the bed, and I did.

"You're going to think this is funny, but I was glad that it happened.

You see, he told me that he was leaving for college in the morning, and so we wouldn't be having these after school sessions for a while. As glad as I was to hear that, I knew he wouldn't leave without a bang. I knew that day he'd be rougher than usual, and I was right. On top of that, he told me he was having a bad day, so I knew I had it coming, but I still stayed. I still stayed Kevin. How stupid was I? I deserve what I got for being so stupid." A.J. explained.

Kevin couldn't believe what he was hearing. A.J. blamed himself for what happened. He was about to say something, when A.J. continued to tell his story.

"We started off the usual way. I took off his shirt, and he laid down on the bed. I kissed his body all over, and played with his nipples. I knew he liked that, and I didn't want to get him madder at me, so I paid more attention to that spot. He'd never let me kiss him on his lips. To him, that was dirty, and he told me once, 'Only faggots kiss other guys.' When he wanted more, he put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me down further. That was the sign he used, when he wanted me to play with him. I unbuckled his belt, and pulled down his pants and boxers. When we first started, I hated this part. To a little kid, I thought he was huge, and that he'd hurt me, but he showed me what to do to 'keep him happy.'

"I can't count how many times I went down on him throughout the years.

Usually it'd be just once, and then it was over, but sometimes we'd do it at least once more before I had to go. That was when he got mad at me for not listening. God Kevin, I was so stupid. I should've just listened.

"I was doing what we usually did, but then it changed. He got up, and I got scared. I thought I did something wrong, and made him angry. I was so scared Kev." A.J. said, as he was crying more and more.

"Oh God A.J., I wish I was there to protect you." Kevin said, not knowing what the right thing was to say in that situation. "You don't have to tell me about it, if you don't want to, A.J."

"That's just it Kevin. I don't know what else there is to do. I wanted to die because of this. It was the only thing I could think of doing, so I'd stop feeling like shit. Now...I don't know what to do. I just know if I don't tell you what happened, you might not be able to stop me next time." A.J. said.

"A.J., I'm here now. You don't have to do this alone. If me listening will help you, then I'm not leaving until you have nothing left to say." Kevin said, trying to comfort A.J. "...And there won't be a next time A.J. If you ever feel half of what you felt last night, you come get me. I don't care where I am, or what I'm doing; you come get me, understand?" Kevin asked.

A.J. nodded in response, and took a deep breath, before he continued.

"That's was when it happened. Not once did he ever see me naked, or ask to do something to me. I would always be the one who did something to him, except for that day. He told me to take off my clothes. I was shocked at first...then I got scared. I didn't know what he was going to do. Then he yelled at me even louder. He commanded me to take my clothes off, and I did. I never felt so ashamed in my life. I tried to cover myself with my hands, but he wouldn't let me. He told me to kneel down in front of him, and to suck on his cock. He told me to get it real wet, if I knew what was good for me.

"I did what he told me to do, and then he made me lay on my stomach, on top of his bed. I was so frightened. I wanted to cry, but I knew that if I did, it would piss him off. I kept my mouth shut. I felt him move behind me, and I tried to get up to see what he was doing. That was my first mistake. He got mad, and pushed me back down on the bed. He spread my legs, using his, and I felt him move closer to me. That's when he grabbed me by the hair, and held my head down onto the bed. It was useless for me to fight back. He was so much bigger than me." A.J. said, his voice cracking.

Kevin continued to look at A.J., and was now holding his hand, in support. He thought A.J. was going to break down once again, but he didn't.

This time, there were no tears in A.J.'s eyes.

"I was only a little kid. I was only a kid Kevin. He was older, and he was supposed to be watching me." A.J. said, his voice getting louder and louder, as it filled with rage. He clenched both his hands into fists, and gritted his teeth. "I was thirteen. I was fucking thirteen. Kevin, I was just a kid, and he raped me. He raped me, Kevin." A.J. said, looking straight into his eyes, straining to say every word.

Somewhere in those eyes, Kevin thought he could see a part of A.J. he'd never seen before. He was scared, confused, but most of all angry. Despite the negative emotions, Kevin saw in A.J. at that time, he knew A.J. held on to a small part of the innocence from when he was thirteen. He held onto whatever was left of it, from that day.

"It hurt so bad, but he told me it was because I was resisting. I tried to tell him how much it hurt, but he kept pushing himself into me with more force. I wanted to scream, but he said if I screamed, he would make it hurt even more. I couldn't imagine it hurting any more than it did at that moment, so I kept my mouth shut. When he was in, it felt like I had a pole rammed into me. My insides were burning so bad, and I felt so dirty. When he started pumping himself into me, I needed to focus on something, or else I knew I'd pass out from the pain. I looked across the room at a small teddy bear on the shelf. I stared at it the whole time. I focused on that thing so hard, and for so long, that I can still remember every detail of that bear.

"As much as it's hard to hear this, his raping me wasn't the worst part. After a while, I got used to him being inside of me, but something happened. It started to feel good. I didn't know what was happening. I was so scared, but I got aroused. My dick was trapped between my body, and the bed, and all the movement made me hard. It started to feel good. I was so confused. I thanked god that he didn't notice my hard on, cause I know he'd think I was even dirtier for enjoying what he was doing to me.

"I thought I was in the clear, but something went wrong. I started to get this feeling from my stomach, or maybe it was from my dick, but it felt like I was going to pee. I was so scared I was going to wet his bed. He would have hurt me even more if I did. As much as I tried to stop it, I couldn't. My body seized up, and I started to convulse. Nothing like that ever happened before. I felt something come out of me, and I knew I messed his bed up. He must have felt what happened too, because he screamed right after it happened to me. He pulled out of me, and I turned over, to try and get away. I looked at him for a split second, and I saw this look on his face. He was holding his dick and jerking it off. The next thing I knew, he came all over me." A.J. finished saying, and looked at Kevin.

He was looking for any signs of disgust, or hatred in Kevin's face. A.J. thought Kevin would be sickened at him, for letting all of that happen.

Kevin was expressionless. He was surprised at what he heard, but there was no sign of disgust on his face. Although they didn't speak a word, for some reason A.J. knew Kevin wasn't mad. He was almost surprised to see compassion and sympathy on his face.

"After he came," A.J. continued, when he realized Kevin wasn't going to leave him, "there was this look of shock on his face. It wasn't until years later; I realized he probably felt guilty for what he did. I didn't think that asshole could feel anything at all. Maybe it wasn't guilt for what he had done to me, but rather for what it meant to him. That's probably why he got mad. He yelled at me calling me 'faggot,' and 'homo.' He told me I was a 'filthy piece of shit' for enjoying what he did to me. You see, it wasn't until later I realized that I came. I never masturbated, or tried anything sexual when I was younger, because it reminded me of him. That was the first time I ever came. Shitty way to discover something like that, huh?" A.J. asked rhetorically.

"I was covered in his semen, and mine. I was naked, and I was cold. I was shivering, because I was cold and afraid of what would happen next. He was pissed off, but what I didn't understand was why he seemed scared. I never saw him like that. He yelled at me some more for making him do what he did, and told me to clean up 'my' mess. I was so glad when he got dressed, and left.

"When he was gone, I went into the bathroom, and cleaned myself up. I was still in pain, even after he pulled out of me. I went into the shower, and turned it on. I got in, and started to rinse off, when I looked down and saw that the water had a red tint to it. I didn't realize I was bleeding. I knew my mom couldn't find out about it, so I had to stop it. After a while, I wasn't bleeding anymore, and I got out of the shower. I got dressed again, and walked back into the room. I took all of the sheets off of his bed, and found even more blood on them. I was so ashamed, and so scared. I knew I needed to clean the sheets in the laundry, or else his mom would find out, and surely tell my mom. As soon as I fixed everything up again, I sat in the living room, and waited for my mom to get home.

"When I saw her, it was the hardest thing for me to not tell her. I wanted her to hold me, and tell me that everything would be okay, but I couldn't even look into her eyes. I was so frightened she'd figure out what happened, and that she'd hate me for letting him do that to me. I ran to my room, closed the door, and cried myself to sleep that night. She never found out. No one did. You're the first person, other than me and him, to know. God...I never thought I'd be telling this story to anyone." A.J. said as he looked at Kevin.

Kevin was at a loss for words. He didn't know what to say, or what to do. How do you comfort someone who's gone through what A.J. did? He was quiet, as everything that A.J. said still ran through his mind. Kevin was so lost, he didn't think about what he said next.

"Are you gay?" Kevin asked.

A.J. looked at Kevin. "Wow. Of all the times I thought about how it would go if I told someone, I never expected that to be the first question out of their mouths." A.J. joked.

"I'm sorry...I mean...I don't know what I was thinking." Kevin tried to apologize. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean..." Kevin said, when A.J. stopped him.

"It's all right Kev. It just came as a surprise." A.J. answered. "Well, technically, I guess you could say I am gay. I mean, I am attracted to other men."

Kevin gave A.J. a confused look. A.J. looked at Kevin as if he knew what he was thinking.

"You're probably thinking, how I could be attracted to other men, after what happened." A.J. said. "I can't really answer that one. I guess I've always known, but it wasn't until recently that I...not accepted...but admitted that much to myself." A.J. explained, but Kevin still looked confused.

"In the few years I was in high school, I've noticed guys more than girls. It was rough at first, because while all of my friends had girlfriends, or were thinking about girls, I was secretly thinking about other guys, and who I'd like to be my boyfriend. When I realized what I was doing, I'd beat myself up about it, telling myself it wasn't normal. For a while, I even blamed it on what happened to me, but that only lasted for a while. I guess as my hormones kicked in, it became too overbearing."

"So what did you do?" Kevin asked.

"I guess I owe it all to the Internet. Freshman year of High School, I didn't have too many friends, because I was really shy. I kept to myself, and stayed in my room most of the time. So, my mom bought me a computer, telling herself that if I won't go out, I might as well do something productive. I talked to people online, and eventually went into the chat rooms. I met a lot of cool people," A.J. thought to himself, and let out a small laugh, "and some other 'interesting' folks, to say the least. They never knew who I was, so I felt like I could talk to them openly, without them passing judgment. I never had the courage to talk about the rape. I put that way in the back of my mind. Also, I didn't need to because I never saw him again. My mom and I moved when she got a better job. The people I talked to where the ones who helped me out. They helped me figure out who I was, and that I couldn't change that." A.J. explained to Kevin.

Kevin's face eased somewhat, signaling to A.J. that he understood, but he still had so many questions in his mind. A.J. saw the perplexed look on Kevin's face, and began to worry.

"Hey Kev?" A.J. asked, getting his attention. "Do you have a problem with me being...I mean liking guys?" A.J. asked timidly.

"What?" Kevin said, as A.J.'s question caught him by surprise. "No, I don't have a problem with it. Honest, A.J., I don't. It's just...it's a little overwhelming to hear all of this at once." Kevin said.

"Yeah, living it is worse though." A.J. joked.

Kevin looked at A.J. surprised, thinking about what he said. "I didn't mean it like that A.J. What I meant was...I mean..." Kevin stammered looking for the right words to say.

"Kevin. It's okay. I was only joking." A.J. explained. "It still hurts to think about it, but I think I needed to talk to someone about everything that I've kept hidden, all of these years. I'm glad it was you, and that you're okay with it." A.J. said trying to put Kevin at ease.

"Thanks A.J." Kevin said, as he wrapped his friend in a hug. Kevin whispered in his ear, "Don't forget that I'll always be here if you need me.

I love you A.J."

Hearing Kevin say that he loved him meant so much to A.J. at that moment. He hadn't heard those words spoken to him in such a long time. He hugged Kevin tighter letting him know how much it meant to him. No words needed to be spoken at that moment. After they parted, they both sat in silence, thinking about the events of the past few days. Kevin was the first to speak, when a thought occurred to him.

"A.J., can I ask you a question?" Kevin said.

"Yeah, go ahead. You might as well get everything out of me, in my vulnerable state." A.J. said sarcastically.

Kevin didn't know how to take his last comment, but decided to ask his question anyway. "What happened last night? I mean, why did you..." Kevin trailed off, not knowing how to ask the question.

"Why did I try to kill myself?" A.J. asked for Kevin.

Kevin nodded, as A.J. thought about his question. Once again, they were silent. A.J. tried to figure out how to answer Kevin's question, when he himself hadn't had enough time to think about it, since it happened.

"I guess I was desperate." A.J. answered. "I'm not sure why. I just know that I was in so much pain, that I wanted it to end. The only way I could think of doing that was to kill myself."

"Why were you in so much pain though?" Kevin asked, like a curious child, always wanting to know 'why.'

"I don't know. I guess...see...there was this guy..." A.J. started to say, but wasn't sure how to explain it.

"You mean the guy who left your room last night?" Kevin asked, as A.J. looked at him in bewilderment.

"Yeah. How did you know about him?"

"I was waiting outside my room. I saw him come into your room early in the night. Actually, I've seen all of the men come into your room each night." Kevin said, as if he was ashamed of what he done.

"You were spying on me?" A.J. asked.

"No...not at all." Kevin explained. "I was just worried. You've been so distant lately, that I wasn't sure what was going on. I started to notice that you were even more distant, after you had one of these visitors.

I was worried." Kevin explained. "That's all. I just wanted to make sure you were safe."

A.J. thought about what Kevin had said, and looked at him. Kevin was now looking at the ground, thinking he had done something wrong, when he felt A.J.'s arms wrap around him, pulling him into a hug.

"Thanks Kev." A.J. spoke. When he broke the hug, he began to explain everything to Kevin. After what he had done for him, at the very least, A.J. thought he was deserving of an explanation.

"When I finally admitted to myself that I was attracted to men," A.J. explained, "I've always wanted to be with one. I fantasized about having a boyfriend who would love me, and care for me. I told myself, he'd be the total opposite of what my neighbor was."

Kevin noticed a smile appear across A.J.'s face, when he thought about his fantasy of having a man love him. He assumed it was just like the smile he got, or any other guy got, when they thought about their "dream girl;" or in A.J.'s case, "dream guy." As quickly as the smile appeared, it was gone.

"Everything was fine, until I realized I'd have to tell people I was "gay," to find this guy. I wasn't ready for that. I'm not sure if I'm ready for it now." A.J. said.

"A.J.," Kevin said, "You just told me right now."

A.J. realized what he had done. Kevin was the only person in his life, who knew he was gay. 'I just came out to someone.' A.J. thought to himself.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." A.J. said, "But I don't think I'm ready to tell anyone else right now. In a way, I needed to tell you. I don't need to tell anyone else." A.J. explained.

"That's where those guys you saw came in. Up until now, I could never be with a guy, without the fear of someone finding out. I guess I used them to fill a void in my life. I thought by being with another man, I wouldn't feel so lonely. If you look at it, my plan backfired.

"The first time I slept with another man, since 'that' day," A.J. said, "was about a few months ago. I know it sounds silly, but I thought I could hire someone to be my boyfriend, at least for the night. What kind of fucked up logic that is, I don't know." A.J. berated himself. "Everything was fine, until I actually had sex with another guy. Actually, I enjoyed it while it was happening, but afterwards I would get this guilty feeling. I felt dirty, and I was disgusted at what I had done. I would have an orgasm, and then I would hate myself. No matter what I tried, that's the way it always was. I tried again, after that first time with a male escort, but still the same feelings came over me." A.J. explained.

"Why didn't you just stop seeing these guys?" Kevin asked.

"I did, for a while. I was fine, until I started feeling lonely again. I blamed myself for what was happening to me." A.J. said. "I thought about coming out, and finding someone who I didn't have to pay, to love me. Then I realized it wasn't even an option anymore, since we're trying to be world famous pop-stars. I was screwed, and on top of that, I told myself it was my fault. Last night, I guess I reached my breaking point. I couldn't take it any longer. I felt dirty, after having sex with that guy, and I hated myself for it. That's when you came in." A.J. said to Kevin. "Thank god you came."

Kevin awoke from his daydream, and looked over to A.J., who was still in deep thought. Kevin didn't think anything good would come out of it if A.J. stayed in that state for too long, so he decided to interrupt him.

"A.J....A.J.!!!" Kevin said, bringing him back to the present.

"Yeah? What's up Kevin?" A.J. asked.

"You were thinking about it weren't you?"

"Yeah, and I noticed you were doing the same thing." A.J. said.

"I was. That's why I interrupted you. I didn't want anything to happen." Kevin said shyly.

"You don't have to worry about that. I've come a long way from that day."

"That's good to hear, but what made you think about it? We haven't talked about it since then." Kevin asked.

"Nothing, really." A.J. said, unsure of whether or not he wanted to tell him why.

"Come on, A.J. I know you better than that. Something had to have brought it on." Kevin said, feeling hurt, because A.J. wouldn't tell him.

A.J. thought about it, and told himself that if Nick won't use Kevin's counsel, he would do it for him.

"If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell anyone, and you've got to promise me that you won't overreact." A.J. stipulated to Kevin.

"I promise; and when have I ever overreacted with you?" Kevin asked.

"Well, this isn't really about me. It's about Nick." A.J. said.

"Nick?" Kevin questioned.

"Yeah. Do you remember what we talked about the other night, back in my hotel room?"

"What? You mean when we talked about Nick?"

"Yeah. You remember you said that Nick's acting this way, reminded you of they way I acted back then?"

"Yeah." Kevin said, knowing where A.J. was leading him, but wanting to hear him say the words.

"Well. You're right. I think Nick's gay too." A.J. said.

"What? Are you serious? How do you know?" Kevin asked.

"Okay, this is the part where you have to promise not to get mad." A.J. said prefacing what he was about to say. "I saw him kissing another guy the other night. We were in the limo, and he was on the street."

"Are you sure?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I mean, even though I was drunk, I think I can recognize Nicky kissing another man."

"He was in public?" Kevin asked.

"Isn't that what I just said?"

"I swear to god, I'll kill him. He knows better than to do that kind of shit in public. What if someone saw him? What if a reporter saw him? God, he just doesn't know the meaning of 'careful.' Let's go, I'm gonna kill him." Kevin said.

"See. There you go, getting all hyped up over what Nick does. You can't be like that Kev. Just think of what would have happened, if you acted like you wanted to kill me, when you saw me that night. Nick's in the same situation, and you can't treat it any differently just because he's 'Nick.' " A.J. yelled at Kevin.

"Fine. Since you seem to know what you're doing. What do you propose we do? All I know, is that the last thing I need, is to have to stop him from killing himself with a goddamn gun." Kevin spat out, without thinking.

After he realized what he said, he looked at A.J.

A.J. looked at Kevin in disgust. He understood when it came to matters regarding Nick, he was more livid, but that was no excuse for what he said. "Gee Kevin, I'm sorry you had to go through that with me. Maybe if you kept your goddamn nose out of everyone's business in the first place, you wouldn't have to be burdened by them. Oh but wait, then I would be dead!!! And there would be no Back StreetBoy reputation to protect." A.J. said, getting up from the bench, and leaving Kevin.

"A.J., wait. I didn't mean it that way. It just came out. I'm sorry." Kevin tried to apologize.

"You don't need to apologize to me Kevin. I'm a big boy now, and I don't need your sympathy. Nick's the one who needs help right now. Maybe if you focused on what the god damn person is fucking going through, rather than what everyone else thinks, you won't need to find Nick laying on the bathroom floor of some hotel, laying in a pool of his own blood, from blowing his brains out." A.J. spat out, as he left Kevin standing there. "I'll see you at the studio. I want to be alone right now." A.J. said, as he turned around and walked away.

"A.J., I'm sorry." Kevin called out to A.J., who didn't bother turning around. Instead, he raised his right hand, and gave Kevin a good look at his middle finger.

"...and that was when I puked out the window. I think A.J. did too, but all I could think of was how I wished everything would stop spinning." Brian said, as he told Nick about the other night.

Nick was laughing at the stories Brian was telling him. He hadn't realized how much fun he missed, since he pulled himself away from the others. He enjoyed the lunch they had. He loved being with Brian. In that short amount of time, Nick fell in love with Brian all over again. To Nick, for that moment in time, everything felt right with the world.

A.J. walked into the studio, and passed Brian. Brian looked over to A.J., and then to Howie. They exchanged a look wondering what was wrong, because A.J. wasn't talking to anyone, and looked pissed off. A few minutes later Kevin walked into the studio, looking sullen. Howie came up to him.

"What's up with A.J.?" Howie asked Kevin.

"I don't know. We had an argument...well it was more like I said something stupid, and he got mad. Is he still pissed?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah. He hasn't talked to anyone since he got here. What did you say to him?"

"Nothing. It's a long story." Kevin said. "How did it go with Brian and Nick?" Kevin asked hoping to change the subject.

"I don't know." Howie responded. "I haven't asked him yet, but Nick looked pretty good when they came in."

"That's good." Kevin said defeated. He wasn't in a good state. He was now fighting a battle on two fronts. Not only did he have to patch things up with A.J., but also now he had to worry more about Nick. The interview was about to start, and Kevin only hoped things wouldn't fall apart.

Ewan walked back to the hotel carrying a large bouquet of flowers in one hand, and a large shopping bag in the other. He was struggling, trying to carry all of the things he bought, into the hotel. He made his way to the front desk, to check if he had any messages. As he stood at the counter, he didn't notice someone walk up to him, until they spoke.

"Are those for me? How sweet." Ewan heard a female voice speak. He wondered who could it be, so he put down the flowers that were blocking his view.

"Hey." Ewan said surprised. "Uh...no, sorry. These aren't for you. What are you doing here?"

"Aw. Here I come to see you, and you tell me that these beautiful roses aren't for me?" The woman joked. "Actually, I have a layover here. I'm working an international flight tomorrow." Jillian, the stewardess he met on the flight, answered.

"Oh. That's cool. I can't believe we're in the same hotel."

"I told you. I came to see you." Jillian said, and smiled. "But now I see you're here to see someone else." She said pointing to the flowers.

"Oh these? Naw. These are just for a friend of mine."

"Well...she's a lucky friend." Jillian said.

"Actually, they're for a guy friend of mine." Ewan answered, not realizing what he had just said.

Jillian looked at him inquisitively. "Oh. I see." She said awkwardly.

"Oh, no. What I meant was..." Ewan tried to explain.

"You don't have to explain. I understand. I am a stewardess you know. I work with a lot of guys who are...you know...gay." Jillian explained. "I'm perfectly fine with it. I have some really good friends who are gay. If you want, I can even introduce you to some of them." Jillian said, as Ewan listened in disbelief.

"Jillian." Ewan said, cutting her off. "Before you marry me off to one of your friends, let me explain. These flowers are for a prank I'm pulling on a friend of mine. They're not for someone I'm romantically involved with."

"Oh. I see." Jillian said, as they stood there in an awkward silence.

"Actually," Ewan said, when he thought of something. "Did you say you were staying for the night?"

"Yes. My flight doesn't leave until tomorrow." Jillian answered.

"Are you doing anything tonight?"

"Well, if you're asking me on a date, then no I'm not doing anything tonight." Jillian said, as she flashed her "stewardess smile," once again.

"I was thinking more along the lines of you helping me with the prank I want to play on my friend, but I guess you can call it a date. How would you like to go see a concert, and then get a chance to meet one of the band members later on tonight?" Ewan asked.

"Have I heard of this band?"

"Have you heard of the Back Street Boys?" Ewan asked.

"Of course I have. Like I said, I have a lot of friends who listen to their music. I'd love to go, but who do I get to meet?" Jillian said.

"Do you know which one is Brian Littrell?"

"You mean the short blonde one, with the big nostrils?" Jillian joked.

"Yeah that's the one. He doesn't really have big nostrils though, only when you look at him from a certain angle does it look like you can fit a shoe in his nose."

"I'd love to. I've always thought he was kinda cute." Jillian said, as she thought about meeting Brian.

"Hey, I thought you said I was the cute one?" Ewan joked.

"You are." Jillian said simply, taking the flowers from Ewan's hand, and giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Now tell me about this little prank of yours."

"All right, let's get this stuff up to my room, and I'll tell you everything."

After the MTV interview, they all climbed into the limousine, and made their way to the concert. Unlike their other interviews, where Kevin or A.J. would do most of the talking, Brian and Nick were the ones who carried them through the whole thing. Kevin stepped in only to clarify some technical questions, but it was Brian and Nick who were at their best today.

They were so into it, that Nick ran into the audience during their performance. When they saw him in top form, they looked at each other questioningly at first, then at Brian. Brian shrugged his shoulders when he caught Kevin and Howie's eyes, and smiled. He was so happy that the Nick he knew and loved, showed himself again. They all smiled at Nick's hyper display, except for A.J. who was still mad at Kevin.

Inside the limousine, Nick continued with his overexcited self. He was talking nonstop, and joking around with Brian. A.J. sat as far away from Kevin as he could, but even his bad mood couldn't stop him from noticing the change in Nick's behavior. Nick felt like he was on a euphoric high. He knew the change in his attitude was due to the time he spent with Brian. He sat back and looked at Brian.

Brian looked back at him, and asked "What?"

"Nothing." Nick replied, and started laughing.

Brian shook his head, pretending not to bother with Nick. When Nick least expected it, Brian lunged from his seat, and attacked him. They were play-wrestling in the limousine, when it came to a stop. They arrived at the arena, and as the limousine door opened, they climbed out and headed inside to prepare for another show.

Ewan and Jillian arrived at Madison Square Garden just before the concert was about to start. Ewan presented the passes Brian gave him, and they were directed to the floor of the arena. As they made their way down, Jillian noticed that she could have easily been the oldest one there. There were so many teenage girls wearing T-shirts and other paraphernalia of the Back Street Boys. When they reached their seats, she realized they were about two rows away from the front of the stage.

"Nice seats." She commented to Ewan. "I guess you really do know Brian Littrell."

"What? You didn't believe me? I'm hurt." Ewan said, with a pout.

"You know what I mean." Jillian said hitting him in the arm.

"Actually, I've had better seats. There's nothing like seeing the show from backstage, or from the sound booth. Anything's better than having to see the show surrounded by a bunch of screaming girls."

"That's only because you haven't seen a show with me. I guarantee you I won't scream." Jillian said.

"I doubt it. I bet ya by the third song they'll have you screaming. It's actually a good show, and if I was a girl, I'd be screaming too."

"We'll see." Jillian said with her patented smile. "So when do we get to meet them?"

"Actually, you'll probably only meet Brian. We can't go backstage because no one knows that I'm here except for Brian. It's kinda a surprise he orchestrated." Ewan explained.

"Well," Jillian looked at him deviously, "these are backstage passes aren't they?"

"Yeah." Ewan responded.

"And you say they can't know you're here, right?"

"Yeah." Ewan said skeptically, knowing Jillian was up to something.

"Then I'll be right back." She said, as she started to move away from Ewan.

"Wait. Where are you going?"

"It's not everyday I get a backstage pass to meet a world famous boy band. I'm going to go meet them. You said they couldn't know you were here, but they don't know who I am. So, I'm going to go see them. I'll be right back." She said, once again giving him the smile he'd come to know so well.

Fifteen minutes later, the lights dimmed, and the crowd was on their feet. The screams grew louder and louder, with the anticipation of the boys first appearance. Ewan looked around for Jillian, but couldn't spot her in the sea of people. The band started to play, and the announcer's voice came through the P.A. system. Ewan's attention was drawn to the stage. He hadn't seen his friends in over six months, and couldn't wait to see what they looked like. He felt a tug on his right arm, and when he turned around, he saw Jillian standing next to him. She was smiling at him, almost to the point of giddiness. He tried to ask her how it went, but she couldn't hear him over the screams of the crowd. He gave her one last glance, before he turned back to the stage, and saw a hint of deviousness in her smile this time.

The concert was different from what he remembered. They added in new songs from their upcoming album. Actually, it was from the album they were going to release in a few months. The songs were familiar to Ewan, because Nick had sent him an advanced copy, as soon as it was finished. Overall, he enjoyed the show. As predicted, Jillian was screaming by the third song, and Ewan thought he'd have to remember to tease her about that later. As soon as the encores were done, Ewan led Jillian outside, and into the awaiting limousine. Their ears were still ringing from the concert, so they didn't speak until they were inside.

"Wow!" Was the first word out of Jillian's mouth. "That was an amazing concert, and now you're taking me home in a limo. You really know how to treat a girl to a good date."

"Well, I try. Actually, you can thank Brian for all of this. It was all his idea." Ewan said. "You're still gonna help me out when we get to the hotel right?"

"Oh yeah. I wouldn't miss that for the world." Jillian responded. "Actually, I hope you don't mind, but I started your prank a little early when I met Brian backstage." Jillian said, smiling again.

"So you did get to meet them. It's cool. What did you do though?"

"Yeah, I met them. I have to say, Kevin is more my type though, but Brian's cute too. He's gonna die later." Jillian explained.

"Oh god. What did you say to him?" Ewan asked.

"You'll see." She said smiling once again.

The limousine transporting the Back Street boys arrived at their hotel. Like the night before, they were all tired, except this time it was Brian who was excited. He was the first one out of the limousine, because he couldn't wait to see Ewan. A.J. was still not talking to Kevin, and Howie practically passed out on the ride over. Although earlier, Nick returned to his overactive self earlier, he had now expended all of his energy during the concert, and was equally tired.

When the elevator arrived on their floor, each of them hurried towards their room, wanting to sleep. They looked forward to getting a full night's rest tonight. Brian stayed back, waiting for everyone to enter into their rooms. Once he was alone in the hall, he walked up to his door in anticipation. He stuck his keycard in the door, and opened it. When he walked in, he was surprised with what he saw. He was greeted by dozens of candles lighting the room, some roses on the bed, what looked like a bottle of champagne on the table, and romantic music playing.

"Very funny Ewan. Really cute!!!" Brian yelled into the room, as he put his backpack down, and removed his jacket. "Come on out. I know you did all of this."

Brian didn't receive a response, so he proceeded to look around the room. He was looking under the bed, when he heard someone walk into the room.

"Nice job, dude. Is this what I get for all the trouble I went through to get you here?" Brian joked, as he stood up, and turned around. He was surprised when he realized Ewan wasn't the one in the room with him.

"I'm glad you like it. I told you I'd see you again." A woman said seductively, as she held two champagne glasses in one hand, and the bottle of champagne in the other. "Who's Ewan?"

"Ewan?" Brian stumbled, still surprised. "He's a friend of mine. I thought he did all of this. How did you get in here?" Brian said, starting to worry.

"I told you at the concert. I'm your biggest fan, and I want to make this a special night for you." She said, as she opened the bottle of champagne, and started to pour it into the glasses.

As much as Brian was shocked to see her in his room, she intrigued him. It dawned on him that she wasn't wearing much clothing. She had on a red negligee, like the ones you see in x-rated movies, Brian thought to himself. He was staring, but then paranoia set in. He realized a complete stranger just broke into his hotel room, and now he was trapped with someone who could be psychotic.

"I remember now, but I didn't think you were serious. Don't get me wrong, Miss..." Brian started to say.

"You can call me Jill." She said, as she approached him, holding the two glasses of champagne. She handed one of the glasses to Brian.

"Thanks. Like I was saying, Jill; I really appreciate all of the trouble you've gone through, but..." Brian started to say before she interrupted him.

"Oh, it was no trouble at all. It's the least I could do to meet my favorite Back Street boy. Ever since I saw your picture, I knew we were destined to be together. You're a lot more sexy in person you know that?" Jillian said, as she stepped closer to Brian.

Brian was becoming more and more uncomfortable. He tried to take a step back, but realized the bed was in his way. She was now inches away from him. She took her glass, toasted it with Brian's, and said "To a night we won't ever forget, and a lifetime of happiness...just the two of us." She said devilishly, and drank what was in her glass. Brian was so nervous, that he drank his drink in one shot. She took the glass from him, and placed both of them on the nightstand. She looked at Brian, who had a scared look on his face, and pushed him down onto the bed.

Jillian straddled him, sitting on his stomach. She leaned down and started kissing Brian feverishly, before Brian could react to what was happening. She grabbed hold of his button down shirt, and ripped it open. She looked down on him, and Brian looked back at her in disbelief. If he didn't know before, he knew now that something was wrong. Jillian turned around, and stuck her hand underneath the pillow, as if to pull something out. Brian saw this as his opportunity to push her off of him, and to run, but he was too slow. She turned back to look at him, holding something behind her back.

"Listen," Brian said in a panic, "you don't have to do this. I can give you whatever you want. Just tell me, and I can get it to you right away." Brian pleaded with her.

"I already have what I want. I told you, I just want to be with you...Brian Thomas Littrell." Jillian said, in the best psycho voice she could. Jillian smiled at Brian, and swiftly pulled out the object from behind her.

Everything flashed before Brian's eyes, when he saw what looked like a knife in her hand.

"Oh god no. Please don't kill me." Brian yelled. "Help. Please!!! Somebody help!!!" Brian yelled, and closed his eyes, preparing to die. A few seconds later, he realized nothing had happened, when he heard laughter coming from somewhere in the room. He kept his eyes shut, but slowly opened them to see what was happening. He felt the weight lift from above him, and he quickly stood up to move away. His breathing was erratic, as he thought about how close he came to death. He looked around the room, trying to locate the source of the laughter. Brian spotted the woman who was about to attack him, standing next to someone. Brian focused his vision, trying to see who it was.

"You Fucking Bastard!!! You scared the shit out of me!!!" Brian yelled at Ewan.

"Oh my god!!!" Ewan said through fits of laughter. "You should have seen your face." Ewan said still laughing. "I was trying so hard not to laugh when you screamed, 'Oh god no. Please don't kill me.'" Ewan said, mocking Brian.

"I hate you so much, Ewan. I can't even think of why I even asked you to come right now." Brian said, as he tried to return his breathing to normal. "I need a drink right now." Brian said.

"Here, let me." Jillian said. "It's the least I could do." She said with a smile, trying to ease Brian's mind.

"Thanks...um, is your name really Jill?" Brian asked.

"Yes, it is. Actually it's Jillian, but you can call me Jill." She said, as she poured some champagne for Brian. When she was done, she took the glass and gave it to him.

"Thank You." Brian said, as he sat down on the bed.

"Your Welcome." Jillian said in return.

Brian took a long drink from his glass, before he spoke. Brian said, nodding his head at Ewan, "...get you to scare me to death?" Brian asked.

"He bribed me. He gave me a pass for the concert, and told me that I'd be able to personally meet you." Jillian said, looking at Ewan, who had an innocent smile on his face.

"Oh did he?" Brian said.

"Actually," Ewan interrupted, "I met Jillian on the plane, and then again in the lobby. I was actually gonna just thank you for all that you did, but then I met Bill, the limousine driver, at the airport. He told me how you took time out of your busy schedule to make sure I was well taken care of. Then I met the entire hotel staff, who said the same thing. Very cute, Brian." Ewan said. "You know how much I hate having all of this fancy stuff shoved down my throat. I get enough of that from my family. That was when I realized you arranged all of it for me, and I needed to find an 'appropriate' way to say 'Thanks!' That was when I recruited Jillian here to help me." Ewan explained.

"All right fine. I did do that on purpose to annoy the hell out of you, but this was scary. I really thought you were a deranged fan, who was going to kill me with that knife." Brian said to Jillian.

"Oh, you mean this knife?" Jillian said as she lifted it into the air, and saw the terrified look reappear on Brian's face. She decided to have some more fun, and jammed the knife into Ewan, who stood next to her.

Ewan keeled over in mock pain, as Brian was stunned at what he just saw. He rushed over to Ewan, to see if he was hurt. Ewan started laughing, and stood up, holding the rubber knife he had bought earlier. Brian took a deep breath, relieved that the knife wasn't real. He took the rubber knife from Ewan, and proceeded to hit Ewan with it, over and over. They were both in fits of laughter when Jillian spoke up.

"I hate to break up the party, you two, but I have to get going. I have to work an International flight tomorrow, and I need my beauty rest." Jillian said, as she took her coat from the chair, and put it on. "I had a blast. I hope we didn't scare you too much, Brian. It was nice meeting you." Jillian said politely.

"It was nice meeting you too, Jill" Brian said, as he stuck out his hand to shake hers.

She turned to Ewan, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and whispered in his ear, "Goodnight cutie. Thanks for everything. I'll see you around."

"Thanks for all your help too." Ewan responded. He walked her to the door, and held it open for her. "Will I see you again?" Ewan asked.

"You never know." She said flirtatiously, turned around, and walked to the elevator. Ewan closed the door, and walked back into the room.

"Will I ever see you again?" Brian said, mocking Ewan with his southern belle voice.

Ewan looked at Brian, laughed, and then charged at him, knocking him onto the bed. They were laughing and play-wrestling for a while. A few minutes later, they exhausted themselves, and laid side-by-side on the bed.

"It's good to see you, Ewey!" Brian said out of breath, as they both started laughing hysterically.

Once again, Nick sat in front of the screen of his laptop. He was sure there would be a response from Ewan, by now. His day had started off terribly, but ended so well. He was certain his luck would continue, and he'd find an e-mail from Ewan. Nick told himself that there had to be something there. He started the familiar sign-on procedure, waiting in anticipation of what he would find. He heard the familiar sound of the modem, as his heart was already racing.

"You have mail." He heard the robotic voice say.

'I knew it.' Nick said to himself. He hurriedly clicked onto the mailbox, and his inbox appeared. There was one message there, but it wasn't from Ewan. He looked at the e-mail address, and realized it was from his mother. He was more than disappointed. Nick was crushed. He wasn't in the mood to read what his mother had written, so he signed-off, and shut down his computer. Nick moved from the chair he was sitting in, to his bed. As he lay there, he knew all of his worst fears had come true. Just when he finally got the courage to tell someone his true feelings, he was rejected.

Nick didn't blame Ewan for not wanting to talk to him. Nick blamed only himself. He blamed himself for who he was. He shivered in his bed, as all of his emotions attacked him at once. He felt confused, angry, betrayed, and disappointed all at the same time. He clutched onto the blankets, for it was the only thing comforting him at the moment. He wrinkled his eyebrows together, and shut his eyes not wanting to think, and not wanting to feel. He pulled the covers over his head, in hopes that he could escape.

When Nick realized he couldn't escape, he shot out of bed, and ran into the bathroom. He quickly turned on the light, and ran the cold water. He looked at himself in the mirror, angry at what he saw. He hated what he was. 'Why couldn't I just be normal?' Nick asked himself, before he bent down and splashed the water all over his face, attempting to wash away who he was. He didn't bother looking back at the mirror; he took a towel off of the rack, and wiped his face. He threw down the towel, closed the light, and rushed back to the bed.

Nick lay in the darkness, trying to forget everything. He was tossing and turning, when he gave up. He stood from his bed, grabbed his keycard, and walked towards the door. He opened it, took one last look at his room, and shut the door. Nick walked barefoot down the hall. He stopped at one of the doors, and quietly knocked. When there was no answer, he knocked again, this time slightly louder. Just as he was about to leave, Nick heard someone through the door. He heard the door handle, and looked at the piece of metal as it turned. When the door opened, he looked up, and was met by Kevin's green eyes.

"Nick?" He heard Kevin say in a raspy voice.

"I'm sorry if I woke you Kev. Can I come in?" Nick asked, still shivering. Kevin could hear the sadness in his voice, and opened the door, letting Nick inside.

In the darkness, Kevin fumbled for the light switch, but Nick stopped him.

"No. Don't turn on the lights." Nick said, as Kevin froze from the sound of his voice.

"Are you okay, Nick?" Kevin asked, as he crossed his arms across his chest, trying to stay warm.

"I couldn't sleep, Kev."

"Do you wanna sit down and talk?" Kevin asked.

"Not really. I was just wondering if I could sleep here tonight, you know, like the old days?" Nick asked, looking away from Kevin.

Kevin tried hard to look at Nick's expression, but it was too dark. He wanted to talk to Nick, but he didn't want to push the subject. He already created a rift between A.J. and himself; he didn't want another one to form between him and Nick.

"Sure. Of course you can." Kevin said.

"Thanks. I'll just sleep on the couch." Nick said shyly.

"No you won't. Just stay in my bed. You said you wanted to sleep here 'like the old days.'"

"Thanks Kev."

"You're always welcome, Nick." Kevin said, as he put his arm around Nick's neck. Nick responded by putting his arm around Kevin's waist, and leaning his head against his shoulder. Kevin supported Nick, as he led him into the bedroom.

Kevin pulled down the covers, and took off his T-shirt, but left his boxers on. Nick climbed in, and turned his back to Kevin. He bought his knees up to his body, and lay in the fetal position, as Kevin covered him with the blanket. He slipped in next to Nick, and faced his back. Kevin so desperately wanted to get a look at Nick's face, so he could at least tell if he was truly all right. Kevin pulled the covers over himself, and lay in the bed, looking at the ceiling.

"Kev?" Kevin heard Nick whisper.

"Yeah Nick?" Kevin asked, propping himself up on his elbows.

Nick swallowed, before he spoke again. "Can...can you hold me?" Nick asked.

Kevin hadn't slept with Nick in a long time. Usually, Nick would ask to sleep with him if he was homesick, or had a bad dream, or if he couldn't sleep in general. Right now, in Nick's voice, Kevin could hear the small child he once held in his arms, a long time ago. Kevin didn't respond verbally, but instead wrapped his arm around Nick's body, holding him tightly.

Nick felt Kevin's arm around him, and for once, he felt safe again. He closed his eyes, as silent tears began to fall. Nick sniffled once in a while, and Kevin knew he was crying. Nothing was said between them, except for Kevin tightening his hold on Nick. When the room was silent, and he heard nothing from Nick, except for shallow breathing, Kevin loosened his embrace. He leaned his head into Nick, and whispered, "I love you Nick, more than you'll ever know." He closed his eyes, after saying those words. He didn't know what was bothering Nick, but he could still feel his pain. Kevin felt it even more, holding Nick to his body. He cried that night.

"Kevin did that to you?" Ewan said, as Brian finished telling him what Kevin did at the club the other night. "I can't believe that. So Kevin does have a dark side...I like it." Ewan said.

"Well, he did it to A.J. too." Brian said, as he remembered the story.

"Are you going to get him back?"

"Of course I am. Why do you think I dragged your ass all the way to New York for." Brian said laughing.

"And here I am, thinking it was because you missed me."

Brian pretended to think for a minute. "Nope, not really." Brian joked, as Ewan hit him with a pillow. "So genius, got anything in mind for my cousin?"

"Actually, I do. I've wanted to play this joke on him for a while now. I thought of it when I was on tour with you, the last time, but never got the chance to do it." Ewan explained.

"Hold on. Hold that thought. I need to get A.J., cause he's gonna want to get in on this." Brian said, as he stood from the bed, and walked over to the telephone. "Kevin did something to piss him off today, and if I know A.J., he's gonna want to get back at him."

Brian dialed the phone number to A.J.'s room, and told him he had a "surprise" for him. A few minutes later, they heard a knock on Brian's door. Brian stood up to open the door for A.J.

"This better be good Bri." A.J. said sleepily, as the door opened.

"It's good. I promise." Brian said, letting A.J. come inside.

"EWAN!!!" A.J. screamed, as he noticed Ewan sitting on the bed. Ewan stood up, as A.J. came over to hug him. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Gee, nice to see you too A.J." Ewan responded.

"You know what I meant. God, it's so good to see you. I was tired of looking at their ugly faces all of the time, since you left." A.J. joked.

"Thanks, A.J." Ewan responded. "Actually I was summoned here by Brian over there. He told me that the two of you needed my expertise in getting back at Kevin for the other night."

"Oh, so you heard huh?" A.J. questioned, followed by a grin. He knew if anyone knew ho to prank Kevin, it would be Ewan.

"Yeah, Brian bought me up to speed. He also told me that Kevin did something stupid today." Ewan said.

"Yeah, he was being a jerk, and said something to me.

"What did he say?" Ewan questioned.

"It's a long story, and I don't really want to talk about it. I do want to know what you have planned for him though." A.J. said.

"Well, like I was telling Brian, I wanted to do this a long time ago, but never got the chance. I was thinking..." Ewan said, starting to explain his plan to A.J. and Brian.

By the time Ewan finished explaining the plan to them, and after they finalized who would do what, it was already late, or technically very early in the morning. They decided it was time to sleep, and that they would meet in front of Kevin's door, early in the morning.

Nick woke up abruptly from his sleep. From the bed, he looked around the room, and realized he wasn't in his own room. That was when he remembered he slept in Kevin's room that night. It was still dark outside, so he figured he must have only slept for a few hours. He looked over at the digital clock; the red numbers telling him it was 4:30 in the morning. Kevin had rolled over, in the middle of the night, and was now facing away from Nick. He sat on the bed, placing his legs over the side. Nick yawned, and stretched his arms. He stood from the bed, and walked over to the other side, where Kevin lay. He kneeled down on one knee, and looked at Kevin's sleeping frame. Nick whispered in a low voice, "Thanks Kev," and gently placed a kiss on his forehead. Nick stood up, and quietly walked back to his room.

Brian and Ewan stood outside of Kevin's room, waiting for A.J. to return. They heard the elevator open, and saw A.J. come out, holding up a key card up, and smiling triumphantly.

"Did they give you any problems?" Brian asked.

"Nope. I just told them I got locked out of my room, and asked them for another key. When they asked who I was, I told them I was Kevin." A.J. answered as he stuck the key into the door.

They saw the small, red light on the panel turn green, and they heard the door unlock. Each of them smiled, as A.J. turned the handle, opening Kevin's door. The three of them walked inside the large suite, and headed towards the bedroom. Luckily, the bedroom door was slightly open, so they quietly walked in, without making a noise. Ewan motioned to A.J. that he and Brian were going to take their positions. He quietly mouthed "Good Luck" to A.J., who continued on towards Kevin's bed.

A.J. couldn't believe his luck. Kevin had kicked off the covers, while he was sleeping. It was another obstacle that was now out of his way.

He looked at Kevin's sleeping body, and thought to himself how gorgeous he looked. A.J. couldn't help but stare at his beautifully muscled, sleeping body. A.J. saw that Kevin had worn boxers to sleep last night. He was confused, because he was sure Kevin slept in the nude. A.J. thought to himself how he'd have to remove his boxers, for their plan to work. He looked back at Brian and Ewan, who were crouched down on the other side of the bed, and pointed to Kevin's boxers.

Ewan and Brian couldn't help but silently giggle at A.J.'s predicament. They too were counting on Kevin being naked. Ewan mouthed the words, "Take them off," to A.J, who rolled his eyes, silently thanking them for all their help. A.J. slowly moved his hand to the waistband of Kevin's boxers, and slipped his fingers underneath. When Kevin didn't stir, A.J. began to slowly pull down the boxers. A.J.'s heart started to beat faster and faster. He looked over to Ewan and Brian, who were desperately trying to hold in their laughter. A.J. was now past the point of no return, as he Kevin's pubic hair started to appear. A.J., wanting to get it over with, continued to pull down Kevin's boxers until they were off. He slipped them over Kevin's feet, and threw it at Brian and Ewan.

A.J. climbed into bed, with the naked Kevin, and pulled the covers over the two of them. He pulled Kevin's arm out, and placed his head on top of it. He wrapped his arm around Kevin's chest, and nuzzled his face next to Kevin's body. He slowly shook Kevin, trying to wake him, but he didn't respond. A.J. decided to be crafty, and tried another way of eliciting a response from Kevin. He moved his hand over Kevin's nipple, and began to rub it. Kevin responded to the stimulus, but not in the way A.J. expected. Kevin moaned, feeling the sensation on his nipple. A.J. had to fight off his laughter, and so did the other two. A.J., Brian, and Ewan, almost couldn't contain their laughter, when they saw what happened next.

They looked down at Kevin's midsection, and saw that he was becoming erect. He was literally "pitching a tent." A.J. noticed Kevin starting to wake up, and gave Brian and Ewan the signal to get the camera ready.

"Kevin. Wake up Kev." A.J. said quietly.

"Hmm?" Kevin groaned.

"Kev, we have to wake up, before the others get here. They might find out." A.J. continued to say.

"Huh?" Kevin said, trying to rid himself of his sleepiness.

"Kevin. You were great last night. I'm so glad you called me over to apologize. I never knew you wanted to have sex with me. It's true what they say. There's nothing better than make-up sex." A.J. said.

"A.J.?" Kevin questioned, before he felt A.J.'s hand grab hold of his hard penis. Kevin was shocked, and shot right out of the bed. He stood there with a stunned look on his face.

"Now." A.J. yelled, as Brian and Ewan popped up from behind the bed, snapping away. They hadn't given Kevin a chance to comprehend what was happening. The flashing coming from the flashbulb of the camera slowed his reflexes. When he finally realized what was happening, he grabbed the sheets from the bed, and wrapped it around himself.

Brian, Ewan, and A.J. were now on the floor, gasping for air. From the moment Kevin realized what was going on, they couldn't stop their laughter.

"What the fuck?" Kevin yelled, and then realized Ewan was in the room. "YOU!!! What are you doing here?" Kevin asked, as he pointed at Ewan.

"Gee Kev. That's a real nice greeting. It really let's a guy know that he's welcome." Ewan joked, sending Brian and A.J. into another laughing fit.

"All of you; get out of my room, and wait for me outside." Kevin commanded, as they left laughing.

A few minutes later, a clothed Kevin joined them in the living room of the suite.

"We got you good Kev. I can't wait to post these pictures on the net." A.J. joked.

"By the way," Brian said, "that was payback for the other night. A.J. and I know it was you and Howie who kept feeding us drinks."

Kevin blushed at his cousin's comment, knowing it was his fault. He was mad at himself for letting his guard down so easily. He should have known to expect something like this, but he couldn't understand why Ewan was there. He looked at him quizzically.

"Hey, don't look at me." Ewan said, "They just called me over to help out with the prank." Ewan explained. "Of course I was glad to oblige. I couldn't resist. Plus, I missed you Kevvvyyy." Ewan joked.

Kevin rolled his eyes at Ewan. 'God, what did I do to deserve this?' Kevin asked himself.

"Alright, then we're even." Kevin explained. "Seriously though, why didn't you guys tell me Ewan was coming?" Kevin asked.

"Ask Brian. I didn't know he was coming either, until I saw him last night." A.J. answered.

"You got in last night?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah. I was at the concert. Brian wanted to surprise you guys, but I think I gave him a little surprise of his own last night." Ewan smiled, looking at Brian evilly.

"Oh, don't you worry Ewan. I'll get you for last night." Brian responded.

"What happened last night?" A.J. and Kevin asked in unison.

Ewan started to explain, but was interrupted by Brian. "Nothing happened." Brian asserted forcefully. A.J. and Kevin looked at Brian and then at Ewan.

"I'll tell you guys later." Ewan said, as they nodded their heads.

"Actually," Brian started to speak, "I asked Ewan to come join us, so that he could talk to Nick and find out what's wrong." Brian said.

"Aren't you supposed to be in school?" Kevin asked.

"Yes dad. I am, but it's spring break." Ewan answered, as Kevin took one of the pillows from the couch, and threw it at him.

"Well, I'm glad that you're here then. Just please promise me, you and Nick won't get arrested again." Kevin pleaded.

"I can't promise anything." Ewan remarked, as Kevin shook his head.

"So does Nick know that you're here?" Kevin asked.

"Naw, you guys are the only ones who know, so far." Ewan answered.

"Well, then lets get him in here. He'll be so surprised, and happy to see you." Kevin said. "Brian, order some breakfast, and then call Howie and Nick, and tell them to come over."

Brian nodded and went over to the telephone. He did as Kevin said, and walked back to join the others who were talking, and laughing.

"Room Service will be here in about thirty minutes. Howie said he's gonna take a shower first, and Nick said he just needed to do a few things before he came over."

"Cool." Ewan responded.

A few minutes later, they heard a knock on the door.

"See who it is first, Bri." Ewan said, as Brian walked over to the peephole.

"It's Nick," Brian whispered, "and he looks like shit." It was then that Kevin remembered Nick had come over to sleep with him last night, but wasn't there when he woke up.

"Hold on a sec. Ewan, you go and hide. Let's surprise Nick." A.J. said, as Ewan walked into the bedroom and closed the door.

Once the door was closed, Brian opened the front door to let Nick inside.

"Hey." Nick said, as he walked by Brian and into the room. "Is Breakfast here?"

"No. It should be here soon though. Are you okay?" Brian asked.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I had trouble sleeping last night." Nick responded.

"Well, I think we have something that will cheer you up." A.J. said from the couch. He stood up and walked over to the bedroom door. He grasped the handle and opened it. Ewan stepped out from behind the door, and into the living room.

"Surprise." Ewan said.

Nick's face turned pale, and his heart sank. His head began to spin, and he blinked his eyes, trying to figure out whether this was a dream or not. When he realized it wasn't a dream, he ran out of Kevin's suite. He couldn't believe what just happened. He fumbled with his keycard, but finally got the door to his room open. He slammed the door shut with his body, and slid down onto the floor.

"What just happened?" A.J. asked.

"I don't know." Kevin answered.

"You guys really need to work on your people skills." Ewan joked. "You really know how to make a guy feel welcome around here." Ewan said sarcastically, trying to cover up his embarrassment.

So, what did you think? What do you think so far? Who knew about A.J.? What's the deal with Kevin and Nick? Why did Kevin say "I love you Nick, more than you'll ever know." Where's Howie???

I wanna hear from all of ya reading this. I'm kinda curious as to where you think the story is going, or where you'd like it to go. Or if you hate the story.

Lastly, I'd like to apologize for being delinquent with my e-mails!!! I'm sorry!!! I know they're there...and I will get to them this weekend. Thank You to all of you who wrote me. I love hearing from you guys and gals, and can't wait to hear what you think of this chapter. Like I said, I am an avid reader of the nifty archive but never wrote any of the authors. Now that I've converted I've actually begun a dialogue with some of my favorite authors. And they're really cool!!! Hi guys!!!

Thanks You's:

To Justin...the only guy who really knows how to keep me in line...

Just wanna give a special shout out to a certain someone in SJ who likes to wear shorts for not gagging. He's a great author and a great friend. Although he's evil...Check his story "Not Meant to Be" out.

Special mention to Drew for your comments and criticisms, especially the criticisms you make me a better writer!!! Also, Drew's writing his own story guys!!! It's a really great story, and yall should look out for it when it comes out...no pun intended. I'll give you guys the title when he figures it out ;)!!!

Shout out to Carter...Where are you man???

Lucas Out...till next time!!!

rtstories@hotmail.com