Because I Love You

Author's Note:

Well here goes nothing. This is my first story for all to read. Hopefully you'll find it interesting to say the least, and keep up with it. All of your comments and criticisms are appreciated. Please let me know what you think of the story.

E-mail me at rtstories@hotmail.com

I usually leave the Thank You's for later, but this is an exception. I recently read the latest installment of "Brian and Me" by DLS.

(If you haven't read the story yet, I highly recommend that you do.) DLS was kind enough to mention this story in the tagline of his. I wanted to take this time to thank him for that because, as I've told him before, his story was my inspiration to write "Because I Love You." I just wanted to let everyone know this.

I wanted to get chapter 4 out sooner, but the writing and editing got away from me. So, this one's kinda long...sorry...but you get two chapters. I'm not sure when the next one will be out...hopefully soon.

Legal Disclaimer:

This work is purely fiction. It is purely derived from the mind of the author and in no way dictates the sexual orientation of any of the Back Street Boys. Only in my mind do I really believe that they're gay and in love with me. Any similarities to real life or to someone's life is purely coincidental. It contains homosexual subject matter. If you're not into that, why not??? Gay porn/erotica is way hotter than heterosexual porn!!! Do not read any further if you are under the legal age for viewing this material in your country, state, province, city, town, suburb, home, shack, or hole in the wall!

End of Chapter 3

Nick was paralyzed by the awe and wonder of his first kiss. His concentration was broken only by the sound of Jim's voice. He willed himself to focus only on that sound.

"Let's go somewhere." Jim whispered into Nick's ear.

"Where?" Nick exhaled.

"You'll see." Jim said as he returned his lips to Nick's neck.

Unable to escape the trap Nick's logic and reason were caught in, he simply granted Jim's request.

Because I Love You By: Lucas

Chapter 4

The minute Nick heard the door shut, he felt two arms wrap around his waist from the back. Once again, the familiar wetness he experienced earlier for the first time, returned to his neck. Nick was growing to love this feeling. He felt Jim's body press up against his as he leaned back. He could feel the heat coming from Jim's body from behind. This time he let out a moan letting his lover, for tonight, know what he was feeling. Encouraged by Nick's response, Jim kept contact with Nick's neck, and if it were possible, put more force into it, showing his lust.

Jim started to remove the jacket Nick was wearing. He moved his hands from where they lay on Nick's waist and slowly moved them up the front of Nick's body, careful not to lose contact. He reached for the zipper on Nick's leather jacket, and pulled it down in a slow seductive manner, all the while continuing to taste Nick's neck. He moved his hands back to Nick's waist and wrapped them back around, pulling Nick further into him.

Nick was slightly disappointed when he felt Jim remove his lips from his neck. He felt a slight movement behind him. Every sensation and every movement, no matter how slight, caught Nick's attention. He wanted to capture everything in his mind, for it was all new to him.

Nick's smile returned to his face as Jim made contact with the opposite side of his neck. He tilted his head slightly, giving Jim better access to his neck, as an invitation for more. Nick wasn't disappointed. Jim continued to remove Nick's jacket by running his hands up Nick's stomach. Nick felt a new sensation as Jim proceeded to graze Nick's nipples through the tight shirt he was wearing. The feeling from Jim's touch on his now hard nipples quickly shot through his body, registering in his mind, but sending the response down below. It didn't last long as Jim's hands came to the end of the path they traced from Nick's waist. Jim's strong hands gently passed Nick's chest, barely even touching Nick, ending up at Nick's collarbone. There he grabbed the collar of Nick's jacket and pulled it off, letting it drop to the floor.

Overcome by the sexual feelings that were now taking over Nick's body, he quickly broke contact with Jim and turned to face him. Looking directly into Jim's green eyes, Nick knew what he wanted. His mind and world was spinning as the alcohol they drank earlier, still had its effects on Nick. Nick hesitated for a moment, thinking about what he was about to do. Two forces were fighting for control in his head. One side lusted for Jim's every touch, but the other was pulling him back. Nick was uncertain about what he was doing. It was his first time doing anything sexual with another man, and it seemed that Jim was already experienced in this area. Nick continued to stare into Jim's green eyes, getting lost in them, as the battle raged on in his head. The lust Nick harbored in him for the past nine-teen years was slowly winning over.

The hesitation Nick was experiencing showed in his eyes, and Jim saw it. He realized that this must be the first time Nick was experiencing all of these sexual movements. He wanted this so bad, but he himself was hesitant at making this Nick's first time. He thought about how much he regretted his first sexual encounter because it went something like what they were doing right now. It was with a stranger. Jim was somewhat uncomfortable at playing the role of the stranger, this time around, who was coming to take away Nick's innocence.

The tension was too great in the room. Almost as if they were now connected, they closed their eyes and inched closer to each other until their lips reestablished contact. When Nick felt Jim's lips touch his, he quickly forgot any hesitation he had. All of his senses quickly took over, and Nick was once again in heaven. Nick quickly removed Jim's jacket with a sense of urgency, completely opposite from the sensual route Jim took.

Feeling Nick's passion growing, Jim too forgot his hesitation, and decided to continue with their sexual play. He began to push Nick further into the room. Navigation was difficult, as the lights were still shut, and the room was illuminated only by the lights of the city. As they neared the bed, Jim positioned his hands further up Nick's back and gently lowered him onto the bed without breaking their kiss. Jim pulled his hands out from underneath Nick and lowered them to where Nick kept his, interlocking them together in an attempt to keep Nick's hesitation at bay.

Their bodies were now pressed together. This was the first time Nick felt Jim's hard-on as it rubbed up against his own. Just as he started to enjoy yet another new sensation, Jim released Nick's hand and broke from their kiss. Nick awaited his next surprise.

Jim moved his lips to Nick's ear and whispered, "I'll be right back."

Nick opened his eyes, surprised and confused that Jim was leaving him. For a moment, he began to panic. Just as things were getting hot, they were going to stop. Nick was confused. He was afraid that he had done something wrong. As Jim removed himself from Nick's body, Nick slowly propped himself up on his shoulder not wanting to lose sight of the cause of his pleasure overload.

Nick watched as Jim turned away form him, and walk away. He took this time to focus his eyes on Jim's tight ass. Nick could not help but stare at his hot bottom. His concentration was broken when he heard music permeate the silence. Nick heard the familiar sound of D'angelo's voice. He remembered it from the music video he saw. The one where the camera focuses all over D'angelo's sexy body. Jim began a slow, almost seductive walk back towards Nick, to the beat of the sex music. This only served to turn Nick on more.

On his way back to the awaiting Nick, Jim noticed the concerned look on Nick's face. He knew what Nick was feeling because he had been there once himself. He caught Nick's attention and looked straight at him. As if mentally communicating with Nick, Jim flashed on of his killer smiles, letting him know that everything would be alright.

Nick caught sight of Jim's smile, and melted. He still wasn't sure of what he was doing, but the smile Jim gave him comforted him. Jim took off his shoes without breaking Nick's stare. Nick took this as a sign and did the same. As Jim drew nearer, he took off the vest he wore followed by the shirt underneath, exposing the body Nick saw earlier. He stood in front of Nick who was now sitting up on the end of the bed. Nick broke his stare with Jim not being able to pass up the opportunity for an extended view of Jim's body. Nick took in the sight of Jim's beautifully muscled torso, and inhaled the scent that came from his body. Jim was close enough for Nick to feel the heat emanating from his half-naked self.

Not wanting to be left behind, Nick moved his hands, to remove his shirt, but was stopped by Jim. This caused Nick to look at him questioningly. Jim's only response was to move away Nick's hands so that he could remove the shirt himself.

Jim pulled off Nick's shirt, and threw it on the floor next to where his lay. Jim took a look at Nick's half-naked body for the first time. He enjoyed the sight of the well-muscled upper half of his beautiful, blonde partner. He looked into Nick's eyes and could not believe the inexperience he saw in them. It was like looking into a scared child's eyes. He almost felt guilty about what they were about to do.

Nick felt a rush of cold air on his body, which gave him goosebumps. He was looking into Jim's eyes and was scared. This was all new to him, and it seemed like it was moving all too fast. He never expected to be doing this with someone he had just met a few hours ago. He grew uncomfortable at the thought, but he was still overheating from the sexual stimulus he was receiving.

Jim took his finger and traced it over the tattoo on Nick's arm. Nick closed his eyes and shuddered at his soft touch. Next, Jim lifted his hand to Nick's face, and ran the back of it against his smooth cheek. He let his hand rest there as Nick leaned into it. Jim finished by running his fingers through Nick's long, blonde hair until it rested behind Nick's head.

He leaned in until his lips were inches away from Nick's ear. He could feel Nick's breathing increase in frequency on the bare skin of his chest. He started to speak to Nick in a low whisper.

"Don't worry about anything. I'll be gentle. I'll keep you safe.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I like you too much to hurt you." Jim said into Nick's ear.

Hearing Jim's voice speak those words to him nullified any doubts Nick had. He was now determined to release his pent up sexual desires. He turned his head until his lips were directly in front of Jim's. This had been the longest time they've had their lips unlocked from each other since the cab ride and the elevator ride up to Jim's hotel room. Jim ended the drought when he pressed his lips against Nick's. He placed several soft, quick kisses on Nick's lips but ended it with a longer, more passionate kiss like the one they shared earlier.

Once again, the two of them were pressed against each other. Nick felt a difference this time when he felt Jim's skin against his. The heat from their passion they shared and the heat from their bodies mingled together, as their flesh pressed against each other. Nick felt himself harden even more. Nick could feel Jim react the same way from their bodies touching. It was becoming increasingly difficult to house his hard cock in the tight confines of his jeans. From the moans Jim released into their kiss, and from what Nick felt hardening on his upper thigh, he imagined that Jim too wanted to free himself from the confines of his jeans.

It was Nick who made the first move this time as he rolled on top of Jim and increased the passion of their make-out session. Nick moved his hands down the side of Jim's body until they rested on the top of his exposed boxers. Nick could feel the sweat starting to form on his body. He could see Jim's body start to glisten in the moonlight from his reaction to the heat. Nick ran his fingers teasingly across the top of Jim's boxers making sure to keep contact with his skin. Soon, Nick's hands came together in the center of Jim's pants. Nick quickly ended their kiss and stood in between Jim's open legs. Nick moved his eyes down Jim's entire body admiring it's beauty, until Nick saw what he wanted. He smiled as he saw a wet spot where the tip of Jim's cock lay. Nick was proud of his ability to have that kind of an effect on another man. But this wasn't enough for Nick who was now running on pure lust, never having experienced anything like this in his nineteen years.

Nick moved his hands from Jim's pants to his chest. He ran his fingers teasingly around Jim's nipples, causing them to become erect, causing Jim to release a moan of pleasure. Nick continued to run his fingers past Jim's chest and down his hard abs. Jim was a little ticklish in this area, so he let out a small laugh. Nick could see Jim's stomach contract from his laughter, and smiled seeing his lover's muscles tighten even more, but Nick wanted more. He proceeded to Jim's belt buckle and began to unbuckle it. Nick took in a deep breath as he unbuttoned the top button on Jim's jeans. He held that breath until he had finished lowering the zipper.

This was the point of no return for Nick. He became light headed and a dizzying effect came over him. It was now or never, Nick thought to himself. That was when he stuck his hand in through the open fly of Jim's pants, until his hand rested on top of Jim's fabric clad cock. Nick looked back into his new friend's eyes. Seeing the pleading in Jim's eyes, Nick slowly and tentatively gripped Jim's dick causing him to close his eyes tightly, and inhale a sharp breath through his teeth.

Nick had never felt another cock other than his own. This was another new feeling for him, but once again it felt right. He liked the feel of another man. Nick leaned back down to make contact with Jim's lips.

They continued kissing heavily, their tongues lightly brushing against each other and across the others lips. Nick loved the taste of Jim's kiss and the feel of his body. He was now steadily stroking Jim's cock through the fabric of his boxers. Nick thought to himself how hard it was, and how big it felt. Nick could feel the wet, warmth that was created from the tip of Jim's cock. As Nick continued to stroke him, he noticed Jim's increase in movement. Nick could not believe the pleasure he took in being able to excite someone this much.

Nick moved his lips to Jim's ear and whispered, "Is this good?"

"Oh, God." Was the only response he received. The temperature in the room seemed to rise as their sweat clad bodies rubbed up against each other.

"I'll take that as a yes then." Nick smiled.

"Yes...Yes...." Jim panted into Nick's ear as he writhed underneath Nick. This continued on for what seemed like an eternity to Nick. Nick moved his lips to plant kisses all over Jim's body, as he serviced his member. Jim kept his eyes closed most of the time, but once in a while, he would make eye contact with Nick showing the pleasure Nick was causing him.

"I'm almost there...." Jim managed to get out through clenched teeth, as he bucked his hips more and more frequently into Nick's hand.

"Yeah?" Nick whispered into his ear.

"Oh...God...You're so hot...You...Turn...Me...On...So...Bad..." With that Jim took in a deep breath. "Oh God...I'm...CUMMING....J...A...K...E!!!"

'Jake?' Nick questioned. 'Who's Jake?' He thought to himself as he stopped pumping Jim's member.

As Nick registered what Jim had just said, he realized what had just happened. He froze and pulled his hand from Jim's spasaming member. The alcoholic stupor that clouded Nick's Brain, suddenly cleared and he remembered that his name was 'NICK' and not 'JAKE'.

He was so caught up in playing the part, that he forgot who he really was. 'NICK' would not have done what he just did. 'NICK' would have never kissed a stranger he just met. 'NICK' has never even kissed a guy. 'NICK' would not have gone to a stranger's hotel room. 'NICK' would not be willing to do this with someone he didn't love. At that instant, his body tensed all over. Nick would only do all of this with the one he loved, and Nick loved Brian.

As Jim was coming down from his euphoric high, Nick quickly stood up and began a panic search for his clothes. As soon as Jim noticed that the pressure on his body had been removed, he opened his eyes to find Nick dressing himself.

"Jake! What are you doing? What's wrong?" Jim said beginning to panic.

"I...I...I'm sorry!!!" was all Nick could say in his troubled state.

"For what? You were good! Why are you getting dressed?" Jim said as he began a search for his discarded clothing.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this." Nick said practically in tears as he found his jacket and put it on. He headed towards the door.

Jim stood up, ran towards Nick, placed his arm on Nick's shoulder and turned him around. They now faced each other, but Nick could not bear to look Jim in the face. He only stared at the ground. Jim was the first to speak.

"Jake...You don't have to go. I don't want you to. Now, why can't you do this?"

"I just can't." Nick managed to say as he started to cry.

"I don't understand. Why not?" Jake said confused yet trying to comfort Nick.

"Because." Was all Nick could say.

"Because what?"

"Because I don't love you." Nick practically shouted at Jim hoping that this would satisfy him and that he would let him leave. Then he quietly added, "I'm in love with someone else!!!"

"Oh...I see...I mean, I thought we were on the same page when we started...But I get it now...I'm sorry." Jim said sympathetically.

Nick was confused. He couldn't understand why Jim was apologizing to him. "You have no reason to be sorry. Why are you sorry? I'm the one who needs to apologize." Nick stated.

"No you don't Jake. Believe it or not, I was in the same place you're in right now."

"I don't get it." Nick said confused.

"Let me put my shirt back on, and we can sit down, so I can explain if you want." Jim offered.

"I don't know." Was all Nick could say as his logical and reasonable side took over. He didn't want to stay any longer than he had to in a stranger's hotel room. 'If Kevin found out about this, he would flip.'

Nick thought to himself.

"Jake...You don't have to worry about anything. I won't bite." Jim explained.

"I should get going. It's late and..." Nick said anxious to get out of there.

"Well...that's your decision to make Jake, and I wont stop you if you decide to leave, but I will tell you this. If I am right about you, and about what just happened here, and I usually am..." Jim joked trying to lighten the mood and alleviate the tension that lingered between them, "I think what I have to say will save you a lot of time, trouble, and most importantly...Heartache. So, the choice is yours buddy." Jim finished.

Nick thought over what Jim had just said, and admitted to himself that he was just the slightest bit curious as to what he had to say. Nick let down his guard figuring that he owed it to himself to hear what Jim had to say. He'd already come this far, he might as well finish it.

Jim was the first to speak, " I take it from your silence, and the fact that you're still here, as a 'you'll stay and listen.'" Jim questioned.

Nick just nodded yes.

"Alright, then pull up a chair while I put on my shirt." Jim said as he made his way back into the room.

Nick reluctantly followed and sat in the high-back chair in the living room section of the hotel suite. Jim came back fully clothed this time and stood by Nick.

"Actually," Jim said somewhat embarrassed, "do you mind if I run into the bathroom real quick to clean up and maybe change; if you know what I mean." Jim said with an embarrassed laugh at the end.

"Naw, that's cool." Nick blushed thinking about the "mess", Jim referred to, in his pants.

"Thanks." Jim said as he made his way towards the bathroom; picking out a clean pair of boxers from the suitcase on the floor, as he passed by. "I'll just be a minute. Now you have to promise me you won't bolt out of here while I get changed. Because I have no qualms about changing right here in front of you just to make sure you won't leave."

"Naw, It's cool. I promise." Nick responded awkwardly at the prospect of Jim changing in front of him.

"Alright. I'll only be a minute." Jake said as he made his way towards the bathroom. "Oh, I almost forgot," he began turning back towards Nick, "you can shut the music off or put something else on if you want. I don't think we need D'Angelo's help anymore tonight." Jim finished as he stepped into the bathroom.

Nick blushed once again as he said that. He got up from where he was seated and stopped the music. He saw a CD case off to his left and looked to see if there was anything interesting. He looked for something mellow that was conducive to talking. He found one that was familiar, because he owned the same one. He popped in the Dave Matthews CD. It was the live, acoustic, show he did with Tim Reynolds. Nick picked out Disc 2 and placed it into the stereo system. Soon he heard the familiar music fill the room. Nick was lost in the music of the first song, "Typical Situation." He thought to himself how ironic it was considering the situation he was in. It was anything but typical. As he was lost in thought, he hadn't notice Jim walk back into the room, until he spoke up.

"Good Choice."

"What?" Nick said, startled by Jim's presence.

"The CD, It's one of my favorites."

"Yeah, me too." Nick agreed.

"So, shall we talk?"

"Um, yeah." Nick said as he took a seat in the same chair he was in earlier.

"Before we start though; do you want a drink?" Jim offered as he made his way to the mini-bar. "You look like you need to loosen up a bit."

"Uh...No thanks." Nick replied.

"C'mon Jake, this isn't a ploy to get you all drunk so that I can take advantage of you." Jim said seriously.

"Sorry. Um...sure I'll have one. What do you have?"

"Let's see. How does a Rum and Coke sound?"

"That's fine."

"Alright. Two Rum and Cokes it is." Jim said, as he reached into the mini-bar to make the drinks. He added a little extra rum into Nick's because he was wound up tighter than a wind up toy. As soon as he was done, Jim handed Nick his drink and sat down on the couch facing Nick.

"I guess I should start then." Jim said watching Nick take a sip from his drink.

Nick just nodded.

"Okay. I didn't tell you the reason why I'm here in New York." Jim started as he looked at Nick for a response.

Nick just shook his head no.

"Well it was because of my boyfriend, or rather ex-boyfriend at the moment."

Nick looked at Jim and interrupted. "But I don't have a boyfriend."

"You didn't let me finish." Jim responded.

"Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Well, my ex-boyfriend," Jim continued, "and I met under the same circumstances we did tonight."

Nick looked confused and said, "So you saw me as a replacement for your ex-boyfriend tonight?"

"Honestly?" Jim questioned.

"Yeah." Nick said afraid of Jim's answer.

"Yes and No."

"Huh?" Nick responded still confused.

"At first I did. It was eerie how when I first saw you, you reminded me of him. You guys kinda do look alike. Plus, all of the circumstances were almost identical. I thought the whole thing was dejavu or something." Jim said thinking back to the night he and his ex-boyfriend met.

"But you also said 'no.'" Nick half stated and half questioned.

"You just keep drinking and enjoy the story. I'll answer all of your questions at the end. Deal?" Jim asked.

"Deal." Nick said taking another sip from his drink.

"The reason why I said 'no' is because of what I saw in you later on, when we got here to the hotel. I noticed that you seemed a bit inexperienced at first, but later on let go, and acted on impulse. Which was good by the way!" Jim complimented Nick.

"Thanks." Nick replied as he turned red.

"You're welcome. Well that's when I realized you reminded me more of myself than my ex."

"I don't think that I'm following here." Nick said. "And what happened between you and your boyfriend?" Nick asked.

"Ex-Boyfriend." Jim corrected Nick. "And what did I say about questions? Just sit back and enjoy the story." Jim joked.

"Sorry. I meant ex-boyfriend." Nick replied.

"You know, you apologize too much."

"Sorry." Nick said as he lowered his head.

"See, I was right. You're just like I was back then, before Ethan. That's his name by the way. We broke up because he cheated. That's why I came to New York. I wanted to get away, and in my own deranged mind, to find someone to sleep with just to get him back. But that's beside the point. My point is, you and I are more alike than you think."

Nick opened his mouth to ask another question, but was stopped by Jim.

"I'll answer your question later. Now, like I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted..." Jim said making Nick blush. "I saw more of me in you, than of Ethan. My guess, from the way you acted when..." Jim started but was slightly embarrassed, "when I came...is that you realized what you'd gotten yourself into? Right?" Jim questioned.

Nick just nodded yes.

"Okay, and from the fact that you came here with me, and later told me, out of guilt, that you were in love with someone else; I gather that this 'someone else' you speak of either doesn't know you're here, in which case you realized that you were cheating on him, or he doesn't know you're in love with him, which means that you were just really frustrated with the situation, or they just broke your heart, which means you did this to get your mind off of him, but it still makes you feel guilty." Jim continued to analyze Nick.

Nick just sat in silence amazed at what Jim was saying.

"I take it from your silence that I'm right?"

Nick just nodded yes.

"Jake?" Jim said trying to get Nick's attention.

"Yeah?"

"You know that you are allowed to answer questions right? You're just not allowed to ask them." Jim said trying to lighten the atmosphere.

Nick began to nod yes, but stopped himself to answer Jim. "Yeah, you're right."

"So which one is it?" Jim asked.

"The second one. He doesn't know." Nick said disappointed.

"I knew it. Now all the pieces fit." Jim said as he relaxed in his chair.

"Care to share?" Nick asked.

"Oh....yeah...Well, since he doesn't know, I'm guessing he's close to you. a friend maybe?" Jim asked.

"Yeah. My best friend." Nick responded feeling even more dejected.

"Ouch. Well, I take it then that you love him, but you're not sure he's capable of returning the kind of love you're looking for. You're not sure if he's gay or not. So, It's killing you inside because you're so frustrated. Right?"

"Yeah."

"I knew it. The basic 'gay guy's dilemma.' My guess is that you're all confused. You don't know what to do. Should you risk it, and find out he's not gay, or worse that he is, but just doesn't feel the same way towards you, either way you still stand to lose the friendship. Stop me if I'm wrong Jake."

Nick sat silent as he wondered how this guy knew him so well.

"I'll take that as 'I'm right so far, at least.'" Jim said.

"Yeah."

"Okay then, so in desperation you've distanced yourself from him, and ended up at the club looking for a way out. But you never expected to meet anyone and end up right here. Right now." Jim finished but added one last thing. "The one thing about it though, that throws me off, is how a good looking guy like you, who shows up to a gay bar, by himself, can't expect to go home with someone."

"Gay bar?"

"Yeah." Jim said, but then realized Nick had not known. "Oh, now I get it. You didn't know?"

"No." Nick responded.

"Now it all makes sense."

"So now you know." Nick said.

"Yes, I do. So in a way we're even then." Jim smiled.

"I don't get it." Nick said.

"Well, it's simple. You used me as an outlet for your frustrations. I used you to get back at my ex. I guess our intentions weren't in the best places at the time."

"I see." Starting to understand what Jim had been trying to say.

"Wow. You really are a blonde, Jake."

"Hey, no fair. It's..." Nick said as he checked his watch. "Shit it's already five-thirty. It's been a long day."

"Sure. Excuses. Excuses." Jim joked.

"Watch it mister." Nick responded with a laugh.

"I was just kidding." Jim said as they both settled down. "So, any questions my young, blonde friend?"

"Yeah, just two." Nick replied.

"Shoot."

"First of all, how did you know all this about me? We just met. And second, you said you had something important to tell me that I should know. I already know all that you said, remember, it's my life." Nick asked Jim.

"Ah, I was just getting to that young grasshopper." Jim began. "You see I too was in love with someone, but I had just come out and didn't know how to approach it. The person I fell in love with, and I guess you could say that I'm still in love with is my roommate. I'll spare you the details, but my point is, I agonized over it day and night, until I couldn't take it anymore. I settled for second best and it only brought me heartache." Jim said thinking about the situation.

Nick spoke up. "Why don't you just tell your roommate that you love him?"

"You are a blonde." Jim laughed. "I can't tell him for the same reason you won't tell your best friend that you're in love with him. As much as I want to love him and have him love me back, I'm more terrified of losing his friendship. I'd rather keep it bottled up and have it eat me alive before I even think about losing him."

As Jim said that, Nick began to think of Brian and his relationship. He started to get emotional about it, but didn't want to cry for the second time that night in front of Jim.

"Listen Jim. Thanks for trying to help, but I've gotta go. It's pretty late as it is and I need to be up in a few hours..." Nick trailed off.

"But I'm not done yet. Let me finish, it'll just be a few more minutes." Jim pleaded.

Nick sat back down in his chair.

"Okay, so Jake. The moral of the story is one, don't ever settle for second best. It only bring you heartache. As much as I hate to admit it, I was your second choice, and now you see what could've happened. You would've lost your virginity to a complete stranger."

Nick was about to argue with Jim, about how he knew he was a virgin, but thought better.

"Second," Jim continued. "You've got to risk love to get love. You have to put every emotion, every feeling, and your whole self on the line. I know it's hard, but you need to tell your friend. Because if you don't, you'll end up at some random hotel, in a random city, spilling your guts out to a stranger you met at a club.

"Don't make the same mistake I did. I know I said that I'd rather have this eat me up alive before I tell my roommate how I feel, but for you, it's different. I look at you and see how this is really killing you. You almost gave up something special, to someone you've known for only a few hours.

"It will eat you up inside until one day you'll realize you've missed your chance at love, and all you'll be left with is regret. I won't lie to you though, the reality is that you may end up losing your friend, because you'll have to come out to him first before you tell him that you love him. That's like having a Mac truck run you over and then putting it in reverse just to finish the job. If it doesn't go well..." Jim paused. "All I'm saying is that you have to be prepared. I know that I haven't given you too much of a choice here, but at least you won't beat yourself up anymore once you decide to tell him." Jim finished and sat up. Nick followed suit, but stopped Jim.

"Just one more question." Nick said.

"Shoot."

"After all that you've told me, how come you haven't told your roommate yet?" Nick asked.

"I thought you said you had to leave, and you throw out a question like that." Jim joked. "Seriously though? That's a good question. I guess since I was with my ex, I kinda put it in the back of my mind. I thought that maybe if I pretend to love Ethan, it would all work out and I'd forget about my feelings towards my roommate. But love doesn't work that way I guess. What I'm trying to say is, have you ever heard the expression 'Practice what you preach?'" Jim asked Nick.

"Yeah."

"Well, I haven't. Besides, you should never take your own advice.

Always go to someone who knows better. I'm sure you've got one of those. In my case, that person would be my roommate, who incidentally I'm in love with. So there's no helping me. You on the other hand, I still have hope."

Nick just nodded.

Jim walked Nick to the door as they said their farewells. Before Nick stepped out to return to his own hotel, he gave Jim one last kiss on the cheek and thanked him for his advice.

Because I Love You By Lucas

Chapter 5

Nick walked out of the elevator into the great lobby he had been preoccupied to notice before. He ran towards the doors leading to the outside. His mind was reeling with thoughts of last nights events, and his talk with Jim. Nick was more confused than ever. He stopped as he neared the doorman. He didn't know where he was and wanted to find out how far he was from his hotel. After a brief conversation with him, Nick stepped out of the doors into the cold air.

The sun was just beginning to rise as Nick put on his hat and sunglasses. The doorman had said that his hotel was only a few blocks away, so Nick decided to walk, so that he could sort out everything that was going through his head. Nick soon came up to the hotel they were staying in. He quickly made his way to the elevators hoping he wouldn't be noticed. He was too tired to deal with any fans right now. As soon as the doors opened, he stepped in to the elevator which quickly took him to the floor his room was on.

Nick searched his pockets as he stood in front of the door to his room. He was trying to open his door as quickly and as quietly as possible because he didn't want the other guys to know that he'd been out all night. The last thing he needed was for Kevin to lecture him. Once inside, he turned on the lights so that he could see into the room. He looked over to the night stand that was next to his still made bed. The red numbers told nick that it was already six thirty in the morning.

'Guess I won't be sleeping.' Nick thought to himself. 'I might as well get ready.'

Nick opened the suitcase and pulled out a change of clothes for the day. He threw them on the bed and walked in to the bathroom. While Nick took his shower, he was still bothered by his encounter with Jim. He replayed the conversation, he and Jim had, over and over in his mind. Nick was stuck on one thing from his conversation. He mulled over what Jim had said when Nick had asked him why he hadn't taken his own advice.

"...Have you ever heard the expression 'Practice what you preach?'" Nick heard Jim's voice in his mind.

"Yeah."

"Well, I haven't. And another thing. You should never take your own advice. Always go to someone who knows better. I'm sure you've got one of those..." Jim continued as Nick replayed the conversation.

It was that last line that struck a chord in Nick. He thought about talking to someone who might "know better," while he was at the waterfront. Nick was torn as to who he could tell. It would be a big step for Nick because he'd have to admit to this person that he was gay in order to explain his feelings towards Brian. He hadn't put much thought in "coming out" to anyone up until now. There hadn't been any reason to. Now, Brian was the reason Nick had to tell someone. Nick needed to preserve his own sanity before he broke down. He was scared. He ran through all of the possible scenarios of what might happen after he finally tells someone.

Nick stepped out of the shower after coming to a conclusion. He was surprised, as it was the first conclusion he'd come to in a long while. Nick grabbed a towel and dried himself off. He wrapped it around his waist and walked back in to the room. He quickly got dressed and walked back in to the bathroom to finish his morning ritual. As soon as he finished brushing his teeth, he walked back into the room feeling refreshed, yet nervous about what he was about to do.

Nick walked over to the table where he left his laptop from the night before. He turned it on and began the usual sign-on procedure onto his e-mail. He took a look at his watch and it read 7:30. He had about a half an hour before he had to meet the guys for breakfast. Once he was logged on, he checked his e-mail to see if anyone had written since last night. There was only one unread message in his inbox. It was a reply to his last e-mail to Ewan.

To: Nicky blondie948@aol.com

From: Ewan David McGovern edm205@michu.edu

Date: March 18, 1999 19:23:00 CST

Subject: What you're not dying??? Damn!!!

Nick,

Very funny blondie. F.Y.I. That rash has cleared up...thank you

very much. I can't say anything about that ugly thing you call a face

though. But I heard modern medicine can do wonders for it. You should

look into it!!!

Getting down to Business...What's the deal? Why can't you talk to

Brian??? If I know Brian, he's probably worried about you. Like I said

before, I need details. You know I hate it when you beat around the bush

trying to ignore the subject. You know you want to tell me so just spill it.

And yes...you are whining!!! It's what you do best. ;)

So you guys are in NY??? My home town and I'm not there with you?

What's up with that? Actually I'm on Spring Break right now. No cash to

go anywhere so I'm stuck here. Now I'm whining...I sound like you. Your

life doesn't suck it's just you. I betcha whatever's bothering you is minor.

You have a tendency to just blow it out of proportion. So just let 'ol Ewey

here help ya.

I'm gonna go now cause there's a pledge thing tonight. My sadistic

side is calling me!!!

Ewan

Nick thought about his response to Ewan, as he reread his e-mail. 'Still the same old joker. Why did I chose to tell him my problems again?' Nick thought to himself. 'He's right though. I need to stop whining.'

Nick decided to seek Ewan's advice because they had become close friends in the past they've known each other. He considered him just like one of the guys. Nick needed to tell Ewan about what was going on. By writing him an e-mail, Nick thought he could keep things at a minimum without Ewan always interrupting which made it easier. Also, Nick could keep the e-mail gender ambiguous so that he didn't actually have to "come out."

Nick hit the reply button on the computer screen and started to write Ewan back. It took him a while as he agonized over every single word not wanting to give to much away. He checked the time on the alarm clock near the bed. It was almost eight o'clock so he decided to finish writing the e-mail and send it.

Nick shut down his computer and headed for the door. Because he hadn't slept the night before, this would be one of the rare occasions he was actually on time for something.

Kevin and Howie sat at the large conference table with Marc, their tour manager. Nick walked into the room and the three of them looked at their watches as if they synchronized it before hand.

"What?" Nick spoke up. "You guys thought I'd be late again didn't ya?"

"Yeah." All three of them said in unison.

"I thought I was going to have to drag your butt out of bed this morning." Kevin said as Nick sat down.

"Nope oh ye of little faith." Nick said to Kevin. "You know I can be on time sometimes. When I run late, I just do it to piss you off." Nick finished with a smirk.

"Oh you're gonna get it when one day when we leave your ass in some random city to fend for yourself." Kevin responded.

"We'll see Kev. Where's Brian and A.J.? I thought they'd be down here by now." Nick asked.

"Yeah, they're already ten minutes late. Were they up when you guys came down?" Marc asked all of them.

Kevin and Howie exchanged glances before Howie spoke. "I'm not sure Marc. Kev and I met up in the hall and came down together. They must have had a rough night."

"Brian said you guys went out last night." Nick threw in.

"Um. Yeah we did." Kevin answered this time. "They must have just overslept."

"I'll give 'em ten more minutes then one of you guys need to go up and get them." Marc said. "Meanwhile, breakfast is served. You guys go on ahead and grab something to eat before we start. I need to make a few phone calls."

As they were about to get up, the door to the conference room opened and A.J. walked in dressed in the clothes he wore the night before. His hair was disheveled and he wore sunglasses to block out the light. He plopped down in the chair next to Nick.

"Geez A.J. you stink." Nick said as he moved his chair away from A.J.

"wahdah...wahdah" A.J. said.

"What did you say A.J.?" Nick said. Kevin and Howie stared at A.J. in disbelief. They felt bad about what they had done, but if either A.J. or Brian were to find out they were responsible, they would surely be in for some revenge.

"Wahta...I need Wahta." A.J. strained to say through his dry throat.

"Water?" Nick questioned.

A.J. nodded his head yes. Nick went over to the table set with food and poured A.J. a glass of water. If what he thought was right, A.J. would need more than a glass so he brought over the pitcher too and placed it in front of A.J. A.J. grabbed for the glass of water Nick had placed in front of him. He drank the whole glass and poured himself another one trying to rehydrate himself.

"Geez A.J. you look like shit." Nick said as he saw A.J. struggling with the pitcher of water. "Here, let me do it." Nick said as he grabbed the pitcher from A.J. and poured him another glass.

"Thanks Nick." A.J. said as he put the glass to his mouth to drink some more.

On the other side of the room, Kevin and Howie were filling their plates with food from the food trays.

Kevin turned his head around to take a quick look at A.J., as Nick was pouring him another glass of water. He turned back to face away from the two of them and quietly spoke to Howie. "Damn Howie, A.J. looks pretty bad."

Howie turned away from Kevin to get a glance at A.J. himself. After seeing A.J. gulp down the water, he turned back to answer Kevin. "You think?" Howie answered sarcastically. "He only had about ten drinks last night. I wonder what Brian looks like."

"I just hope he's not dead." Kevin answered as he put his plate down in order to pour some coffee for Howie and himself.

"That would make a great headline. I can see it now." Howie started. " 'BackStreet Boy killed by cousin.' Story on page nine."

"Don't you mean by cousin and bandmate? You were as much a part of this as I was Howard."

"Me?" Howie questioned. "I was just following your lead."

As Howie finished his sentence, Kevin and Howie turned around as they heard the door open. They looked over to see Brian dressed only in a pair of shorts and sunglasses. They watched as he walked over to the table and sat down on the other side of Nick. Brian saw the water and tapped Nick on the shoulder.

"What is it Bri?" Nick asked as he turned to face Brian.

Brian could not bring himself to talk and just pointed to the pitcher of water on the table and made a grunting sound letting Nick know what he wanted.

"Not you too." Nick said. He turned to face Howie and Kevin who were standing by the drinks. "Hey D, hand me another cup." As Nick shouted the last part, Brian and A.J. both made noises as they went to cover their ears.

"Too loud." Brian hoarsely said to Nick as he attempted to talk.

"Oh, sorry Brian. I didn't know you had a had a hangover. Does your head hurt?" Nick quietly said to Brian.

Brian slightly nodded his head yes as he didn't want to make to much movement for fear of getting sick.

"Let me go and get Marc to make a quick run to the store to get you some Advil." Nick said as he started to get up. Howie then slid a glass to Nick across the table. Brian grabbed Nick's sleeve as he was about to get up. Nick looked over to Brian who was holding the glass Howie had slid over. "Oh right. I almost forgot." Nick said as he poured some water for Brian. "I take it that A.J. over here is gonna need some Advil too?" Nick asked Brian who was too occupied with drinking his water to answer. "I'll just tell him to get some for A.J. too then."

Nick stood up and went over to Marc who was talking on his cell phone. He explained the situation to Marc, and asked him to go get something for the two hungover BackStreet Boys. Meanwhile, Kevin and Howie were finishing up getting their food.

"At least he's not dead." Howie leaned in and whispered to Kevin.

"Yeah, but that's close enough." Kevin said as he nodded towards Brian. He turned back to Howie and whispered in his ear. "No matter what, they can't know about last night. They'll be really pissed."

"You don't think they'll figure it out?" Howie whispered back.

"Look at the shape those two are in. I doubt they even remember anything that happened last night." Kevin finished as they sat down across from Brian and A.J. who were both trying to grab for the pitcher of water at the same time.

"Hands off." A.J. said as he glared at Brian through his sunglasses.

Brian got the message and leaned back in his chair waiting for A.J. to finish pouring himself some water.

Nick walked over when he heard A.J.'s angry tone. 'Someone's in a bad mood.' Nick thought to himself as he sat down. He leaned over and grabbed the pitcher A.J. had just put down and poured some more water into Brian's cup. Brian looked over to Nick and smiled in appreciation.

"Why don't we go and grab something to eat." Nick said to both A.J. and Brian. He helped the both of them stand as they obviously had trouble doing it themselves. Kevin and Howie sat in silence as Nick walked them over to the breakfast table and handed each of them a plate. "I'm just going to get some coffee. I'm not really hungry. You think the two of you can handle this by yourselves?" Nick questioned.

Brian and A.J. nodded as they started filling their plates with food.

"Good. I'll be right over there if you need my help." Nick said as he made his way towards the end of the row of food to the coffee.

"This is all your fault." A.J. hoarsely whispered to Brian.

"My fault?" Brian questioned being equally as quiet.

" You heard what I said." A.J. responded putting down the large spoon he used to put some eggs on his plate. He moved towards the bacon.

Brian picked up the spoon A.J. had just put down and placed some eggs on his plate. "If I recall correctly, you're the one to blame."

"What?" A.J. said holding the tongs for the bacon.

Brian grabbed the tongs from A.J.'s hands. "You heard me."

"Oh I heard you alright." A.J. said a little too loud as he made a grab for the tongs Brian had just ripped out of his hands.

They're little scuffle caused Nick to look at them from where he stood. Brian caught Nick's glance but returned to his argument with A.J. instead.

"Keep your voice down A.J." Brian said nodding towards Nick. "They're starting to stare."

"Let them stare." A.J. retorted. "This is your fault anyway. If you hadn't kept trying to finish my drinks last night, I wouldn't have had to down them so quickly." A.J. returned to a whisper. He picked up the spoon for the home fries when he heard Brian speak.

"Me? You're the one who kept trying to drink my drinks. Kevin said so himself."

Kevin's head turned towards the arguing A.J. and Brian, when he thought he heard his name.

A.J. noticed Kevin perk up and returned to whispering. "Now why would Kevin say such a thing. He's the one who was telling me you were trying to steal my drinks."

"Steal your drinks?" Brian said grabbing for the spoon A.J. had just put down. "You've got it all wrong. You were trying to steal MY drinks. Just ask Howie. He was there too."

"Whatever Brian. Howie was the one who told me about your brilliant plan to steal my drinks." A.J. said.

"Wait a second. I never got a chance to talk to Howie at all last night except for when he was sitting at the table with Kevin. Even then, I never said anything like that." Brian responded.

"That's what he said. He was sitting next to Kevin who backed him up."

"Wait a second." Brian said as he paused to think to himself.

"What." A.J. said not wanting to talk to Brian.

"Don't you get it?"

"Get what? There's nothing to get. This is all your fault." A.J. responded to Brian's question.

"A.J., it's not my fault." Brian practically yelled.

"Oh, and I suppose it's mine then." A.J. yelled back.

Nick couldn't help but overhear the two of them arguing from his seat as he took a sip from his coffee. "Are you two alright over there."

"We're fine." Brian and A.J. said in unison.

Brian grabbed A.J. and pulled him to the other side of the room so no one could hear them.

"You think they figured it out." Howie nervously whispered to Kevin.

"I don't know. I doubt it though. I think they're blaming each other." Kevin whispered back.

"Why are you two whispering?" Nick leaned in to join Kevin and Howie's discussion. "Did I miss something last night? Why are they arguing?"

"I don't know why they're arguing." Kevin lied to Nick not wanting his little secret revealed. "Nothing happened last night. Right Howie?"

Howie agreed with Kevin. He realized that there was no turning back and decided to just follow Kevin's lead hoping he had a plan.

On the other side of the room, Brian and A.J. continued their argument.

"It's not either of our faults A.J." Brian said. "Don't you get it?"

"What are you talking about Brian. If it's not your fault and it's not mine, why the hell then does my body feel like shit and I have a headache? I suppose next you're going to tell me it's Kevin and Howie's fault then." A.J. finished in mock disgust.

"Exactly." Brian answered. "It is their fault." He finished.

"Way to place the blame Brian. Just admit that this is all your fault."

"Listen to me A.J." Brian started. "Think about it. If it were my fault I wouldn't be in the same pain as you, and vice-versa. Kevin and Howie were the ones lying to us. Tell me A.J., do you even remember buying drinks last night?" Brian questioned.

A.J. thought over Brian's question even though it pained him to do so.

"I don't remember buying any." A.J. finally answered.

"Me neither." Brian answered. "There was just always a drink there. That means..." Brian tried to finish when he was cut off by A.J.

"...those two bastards kept feeding us drinks last night and lying to the both of us." A.J. finished for Brian.

"Exactly." Brian said. "Now let's go kick their ass."

"Rok, hold up a second." A.J. said stopping Brian from going over to his cousin and Howie. "Let's think about this for a second. You and I are in no condition to go around beating people up. As much as I want to join you, it hurts to much to even walk right now let alone going over there to kick Kev's and Howie's asses." A.J. finished.

"We gotta do something Bone." Brian said.

"We will, just when they least expect it." A.J. said deviously.

Brian looked at A.J.'s face. "You've got that look on your face A.J."

"What look?" A.J. said innocently.

"That look. The same look that you got when you put double-sided tape on the toilet seat of the bus, and when you took all of Nick's underwear and replaced them with panties. I hate that look cause I always end up in trouble somehow." Brian said worriedly.

"Well don't you wanna get even Brian? I don't know about you, but I feel like shit. We'll even feel worse when we have to run through rehearsals later with Fatima." A.J. stated.

Brian flinched at the thought of having to go to rehearsals later on top of having to do a show on the same day. 'Those two must pay.' He thought to himself. "Fine, I'm in. Just tell me when and where."

"Good." A.J. said. "In the meantime, just walk back there as if nothing happened. If they ask any questions just follow my lead.

Brian nodded as they made their way back to their seats.

"Everything Ok?" Nick asked.

"Everything's fine." A.J. stated.

"Oh, okay," Nick continued, "you guys looked like you were fighting over something."

"Naw, nothing to worry about Nick. Bri and I were just trying to figure out how we got so drunk last night." A.J. finished as he looked at Brian and then directly at Kevin and Howie who were sitting across from them.

"Oh." Nick said. "Did you guys figure it out?" He said as he took another sip from his coffee.

"We're not too sure Nick." Brian answered. "Maybe Kevin and Howie can fill us in." Brian now stared at Kevin and Howie along with A.J.

"Why are you guys looking at us?" Kevin said. 'Oh shit they know.' He thought to himself.

'Oh God they know.' Howie thought to himself. 'I should just come clean.' Howie finished thinking and began to speak. "A.J. and Brian, Kevin and I..." Howie started.

Kevin caught on to what Howie was about to do and tried to stop him by stomping on Howie's foot and finishing his sentence for him. "What Howie means is that Howie and I...um...were too late in stopping you guys from drinking too much last night. And we talked about it, and just wanted to appologize." Kevin finished hoping the two of them would buy his story. Howie shot a look at Kevin wondering what he was doing. "Isn't that right Howie?" Kevin said.

"Yeah. Um...sorry guys." Howie said looking at Brian and A.J.

"Oh, Ok Kev. See that's what Brian and I thought. If that's the case. You don't need to apologize. It was our fault. We should have known better. Right Brian?"

"Um....Yeah." Was all Brian could say trying to figure out what A.J. was up to.

Marc walked in to the room just as Brian finished speaking. He pulled out a bottle of Advil from a brown paper bag and handed it to A.J.

"Thanks Marc. I need this. My head hurts like hell." A.J. said to Marc.

"Your welcome. Just don't make it a habit to have a hangover on show days." Marc said as A.J. passed the bottle to Brian. "Now that we're all here," Marc started, "We can start the meeting. First of all I want to remind you that the show starts at eight tonight, but we need to leave the hotel by five so that you guys have enough time for the usual routine. You know, make-up, costumes, sound checks. You know the deal." All of the boys nodded.

"Okay, but before we leave for the Garden, Fatima wants to see you guys at two. You're to meet her down the hall at two o'clock. She wants to make sure you guys have your routines down. She wasn't too happy about Nick tripping over the amp at the last show, so she wants to do a run through with you guys." As soon as he finished, everyone looked at Nick. Nick just blushed.

"Other than that, there's nothing new slated for today. We won't be leaving New York because you guys have a second show tomorrow. Aside from the usual meet and greet at the show, there's nothing new. Any questions?" Marc asked as he finished speaking.

Nick raised his hand. Marc nodded in his direction acknowledging Nick.

"When do we leave New York?" Nick asked.

"Good question. There's a small gap in your schedule because of a scheduling problem with the next venue. It seems that the local team made some sort of playoffs and had to move the date of the concert. So the two days you had off next Tuesday and Wednesday, you'll have to take now. That means back to back performances next week. So, we're not leaving here until Tuesday night."

As soon as Marc finished, all of the guys grumbled at having to do back to back shows next week, but at least they had a few days off to spend in New York City.

"If you guys don't have any other questions, your free to go. Just remember I'll meet you guys on your floor at 4:30 to take you over to the arena. If you need to get a hold of me in the mean time, call my cell. I'll be at the arena from now till 4:30 to make sure everything is set."

All of the guys nodded showing that they understood. Marc walked out of the room and headed out.

"Guys ?" Nick spoke up. "I'm still kinda tired, I didn't get any sleep last night so I want to take a nap before we meet with Fatima. I'll be in my room if you need me." Nick started to walk out of the conference room but stopped as he remembered something. "Guys," Nick started as he turned around and they looked at him. "Before I forget. Ewan just wanted me to say hi to everyone for him."

"You talked to Ewan last night?" Brian asked as he perked up at hearing Ewan's name.

"Well we didn't actually talk, he e-mailed me." Nick responded.

"Oh, if you e-mail him tell him I say hi." Brian finished as a chorus of "Me too's came from the others.

Nick just nodded and left the conference room.

"I didn't know Nick still kept in touch with Ewan." Kevin said as he took another bite of his toast.

"He does. It's no big secret." Brian started.

"Why wouldn't he Kev. They spent every waking moment together when Ewan was here." A.J. said as he drank more water.

"Don't remind me A.J." Kevin rolled his eyes.

"Aw, come on Kev," Brian spoke up, "they weren't that bad together."

"You should talk Bri. You know very well that you were just as involved in reeking havoc alongside the dynamic duo." Kevin commented.

"Lighten up Kevin. Just because you weren't too fond of Ewan, when he was here, doesn't mean you have to hate the kid." Howie interjected.

"Don't let Kev fool ya D. You know deep down inside he loves Ewan. They have one of those love hate relationships." A.J. commented. "Just admit it Kev. You know you got off on having to play daddy to the three of them when he was around." A.J. said pointing his knife at Brian.

"You know you love Ewan. Everybody does. Besides, you can't deny that he totally helped us out when he was here." Brian said.

"Whatever Bri. All I'm saying is yall are a handful already, adding Ewan into the picture just makes things worse." Kevin replied at Brian's comment.

None of them could deny Kevin's last statement. But they couldn't help enjoy how much more interesting and fun things got when Ewan was around.

"Hey Brian." Kevin started. "Do you still talk to Ewan?"

"Yeah, we usualy talk on the phone when I have some down time." Brian responded.

"Oh." Kevin answered and paused to think for a second. "What about the rest of you guys?"

"I do." A.J. answered.

"So do I." Howie added. "Why don't you?" He asked Kevin.

"Not really. I think the last time I spoke to him was when he called on Christmas." Kevin answered.

Brian was surprised to hear Kevin's response because he thought Kevin of all people would make a better attempt at keeping in contact with their friends. Brian guessed that Ewan was Kevin's exception to this rule. "What?" Brian said to Kevin, "That was such a long time ago."

"Why? When was the last time you heard from him?" Kevin asked.

"Just last week." Was Brian's response.

"I got an e-mail from him just the other day." Howie said to Kevin.

"He left a message on my cell yesterday, I think." A.J. said looking at Kevin.

"Oh." Was the only response Kevin could come up with as he felt guilty for not keeping in touch with Ewan.

"Wow Kev, Ewan must think you hate him or something. Either that, or he thinks you're an ass for not keeping in touch when we all have." Brian said trying to make Kevin feel even more guilty.

"He better not." Kevin replied, "I was the one who had to get him, and whoever was with him at the time, out of trouble all of those times." Kevin said trying to defend himself.

There was a lull in the conversation while Kevin and Howie finished their breakfast. A.J. and Brian gave up a long time ago on their food, feeling ill at the prospect of keeping anything down. They were in too much pain to move, so they opted to just sit there and keep the other two company. The four of them were lost in thought thinking about various different things until the silence was broken.

Kevin was the first to speak. "How often does Nick speak to Ewan?" Kevin asked them in general, thinking back on the conversation they had earlier.

"I don't know. Why?" Asked A.J. wondering why Kevin wanted to know.

"I was just curious. No real reason." Kevin answered.

The room returned to silence as they retreated to their own thoughts once again.

Again, Kevin was the first to break the silence. "Do you know how often Nick and Ewan talk, Brian?" Kevin said to Brian as all of them turned to look at him, waiting for an answer.

"What?" Brian asked irritated because they expected him to know. "Why are you asking me? I don't know. Do I look like Nick's keeper?" Brian finished saying, feeling a little uneasy. He was already upset at the fact that He and Nick hardly ever spent any time together anymore, let alone talked. He didn't need the others reminding him of that.

"Calm down Brian. I was just asking." Kevin said as he sat back in his chair.

"Sorry Kev. I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just tired and my head hurts like hell. That's all." Brian apologized to his cousin. Brian saw Kevin nod, accepting his apology. "I don't know how often Nick and Ewan talk. I haven't talked to Nick all that much lately, and Ewan doesn't really say anything to me about Nick or what they talk about. You know how much Ewan hates gossip. We just talk about stuff in general that's all." Brian explained to Kevin.

"Oh, Okay. I just thought cause you're the closest to Nick and are Best-Friends and all..." Was all Kevin said because the emotional toll, the strain Brian felt in his friendship with Nick, was obvious in Brian's face. Kevin decided not to pursuit the subject any further not wanting to upset Brian any more than he already was.

A.J., on the other hand, wasn't as perceptive as Kevin. Whether it was the lack of sleep, or the still lingering effects of the alcohol he consumed last night, he decided to unleash a barrage of questions.

"When was the last time anyone actually 'talked' to Nick lately? He doesn't give anyone a chance to anymore. He either just asks simple questions, or he gives simple answers. He's only with us when he has to be.

We see him at concerts, signings, meetings, whatever. Whenever we just chill, he's gone. Either he's in his room, or wanders off someplace, or just sits there with his headphones on 24/7. He's never around until he 'has' to be with us." A.J. said getting everyone's attention. He turned to look at Kevin before he started to speak again.

"You can't expect Brian to know what Nick's doing and thinking all the time just because they've always been close. We're all Nick's friends...his best friends, or whatever that means to him nowadays." A.J. stressed as he pointed at everyone in the room.

"If you want to know how often Nick talks to Ewan, Kev, why don't you just ask Nick? Why the sudden interest in Nick all of a sudden Kevin, and who he talks to?" A.J. said with hostility, showing the bad mood he was in at the moment.

"Geez A.J.," Kevin responded, "just chill. I was just curious. That's all."

"That's just it Kevin. Your never 'just curious.' You ask questions and pretend to be 'just curious,' when in fact you ask them because of some secret plan that's hatching in that head of yours. I hate it when you do this. I hate playing this game. If you have a plan, or know something, just say it already." A.J. said in defeat as he plopped down into his chair.

"Gosh A.J., PMS'ing much?" Howie said, as he saw A.J. smile and flip both of his middle fingers at him.

"Alright, fine A.J., you wanna know what I was thinking?" Kevin responded.

A.J. nodded.

"Fine. You were never any fun at this anyway. Kevin said smugly to A.J., who in turn flipped him off the same way he did Howie. "Promises, promises A.J." Kevin said referring to A.J.'s 'fuck you' sign. Kevin continued his explanation.

"It all comes from yesterday and last night." Kevin started. "After Howie and I put the two of you down for the night, after your puke fest's...by the way A.J., what the hell were you talking about when you kept saying 'B' in the limo and then as I tried to get you into bed? You kept saying it over and over last night." Kevin asked A.J.

"Yeah, A.J., what was that all about?" Howie asked.

"What are you guys talking about. I don't remember any of that. The last thing that I can clearly remember, about last night, was Kevin pulling me into the limo. Didn't I just pass out after that?" A.J. asked, not remembering that he saw Nick and Jim kissing outside of the bar.

"No A.J., you were still up and puking alongside Brian in the limo." Howie explained.

"I'm surprised you even remembered your name this morning after the amount of alcohol the both of you drank last night." Kevin said hoping to throw both A.J. and Brian off track, not wanting them to figure out that he and Howie were responsible for the condition they were in now.

A.J. and Brian looked at each other. Brian waited to see what A.J. was going to say or do next. After all, they both knew who was really responsible for last night.

A.J. turned back towards Kevin. "Sorry about that guys. Thanks for taking care of Brian and Me last night." A.J. said calmly to Kevin and Howie.

Brian turned to question A.J. He thought for sure A.J. would expose the truth. When he didn't, Brian was shocked and wanted to say something, but decided to just follow his lead instead, thinking that A.J. must be up to something. "Yeah, thanks for taking care of us guys." Brian said, his tone dripping with sarcasm, followed by a forced smile.

Howie nodded uncomfortably, acknowledging their thanks. He felt guilty for what he and Kevin did last night, but what upset him most was having to lie to them. He was in too deep now, and there was no backing out.

"Your welcome guys. We're just glad we could help." Kevin said smiling at A.J. and Brian from across the table.

'Help my ass. The both of you will get what you deserve, just when you least expect it.' A.J. thought to himself.

"Now like I was saying," Kevin started again. "After we put you guys to bed, and Howie went to his room, I went to go check on Nick. I used the spare key card I had to open the door to his room." Kevin said as A.J. interrupted him.

"You didn't even knock? He could've been doing something in there. I hope you don't do this too often with all of us Kevin." A.J. said.

"No. I don't do it too often A.J. Only when I'm worried about one of you, do I check on you while you're sleeping. If I don't I can't get any sleep. So I did it as much for me as for Nicky." Kevin said not wanting to seem nosy or worse over protective.

"Anyway," Kevin continued, "it was already pretty late so I figured he should be asleep." The four of them nodded listening to Kevin. "That's the thing though; when I went in there it was already around three-thirty or four in the morning, but Nick wasn't in there. The place was empty, and his bed was still made. So I left, thinking he was still out."

"So what did you do?" Howie asked Kevin.

"What could I do?" Kevin answered. "He wasn't there so I left. I went to my room, but like I said I can never sleep when I worry; especially when one of you is missing.

"I went back to check up on him around five, but he still wasn't there. I was really exhausted by then, so my body gave in, and I went back to my room to sleep. I didn't see Nick until this morning, and get this, he was on time." Kevin finished.

"Yeah, you guys should've seen the look on Marc's and Kevin's faces when Nick walked in. It was pretty funny." Howie said to A.J. and Brian.

"Wait. Before I forget." Kevin said, "you guys remember Nick saying how he didn't get any sleep last night?" Kevin asked them. "That's cause I don't think he came home at all last night. Where ever he was, he probably just got back to the hotel in time to shower and come down for the meeting."

"So where was he all night?" Brian asked.

"I don't know. Did he tell any of you guys?" Kevin asked in general, not wanting to put any pressure on Brian for answers. Brian, A.J., and Howie shook their heads 'no.' Once again, silence fell over the room.

"We need to talk to him." Howie broke the silence this time. "If he did stay out all night, last night, he could've gotten seriously hurt, and none of us would have known where to find him. God, he can be so stupid sometimes. Has he done this before?" Howie asked both worried and mad at Nick's behavior as of late.

Kevin and A.J. shook their heads no, but Brian just sat back in silence.

He thought about the past few months and how Nick and He hadn't been as close as they usually were. He thought back on the nights when he and Nick shared a hotel room. Whenever they were force to double up in a room, Howie and A.J. would pair up, or Kevin and A.J. would. Everyone naturally assumed he and Nick would always share a room. He thought about how one night he woke up when he heard Nick leave the room in the middle of the night. The next night he pretended to sleep, and just like the night before, Nick left. Brian thought about how this became a regular event every night they roomed together. He thought about how he'd stay up every time until Nick came back. Sometimes he'd only be gone for a half-hour, but other times he'd be gone all night. Brian thought about confronting Nick, but he never did. He didn't want Nick to think that he was spying on him, or that he didn't trust him. Brian shrugged it off, and told himself that he was giving his friend "space."

"Someone has got to talk to him." Howie said breaking Brian's concentration.

"That's the easy part Howie, but will he actually 'talk' to one of us is the question." Kevin said.

Brian thought about his conversation with Nick on the plane yesterday. He was about to speak up and tell everyone how Nick said he needed to figure this out on his own, when he heard A.J. speak.

"I know what you're thinking Brian. I know he said that he needs space." A.J. said thinking the same thing Brian was. "But how much space does a person need? He's practically pushed all of us away these past few months. Now we find out that he's staying out all night, and not coming back to the hotel. What's up with that?" A.J. said irritably. "This could get dangerous. One day, he could just not come back at all, and none of us will know where the hell he is." A.J. finished.

"I know, but it's just..." Brian began but was interrupted by A.J.

"But nothing Brian. Whatever Nick's problem is, it's our problem too. We need to help him. He's probably going through hell right now and just won't admit it." A.J. said looking straight at Kevin. They exchanged glances acknowledging the conversation they had in A.J.'s hotel room before they left last night. Kevin knew that A.J. had some idea of what Nick was going through, so he allowed him to speak. "Howie's right, someone's gotta talk to him, or get him to talk."

"Alright fine. But who? I already told you he hasn't been talking much to me lately." Brian said in frustration.

"I don't know, ask Kevin; he knows. He always has a plan." A.J. said.

"Me? What makes you think that I have a plan?" Kevin questioned.

"Because you always do." A.J. answered. "It's the Kevin thing to do. So what's the plan Kev?"

"You're such a pain in my ass, A.J. What if I don't have a plan?"

Kevin asked.

"Not possible. You always do." A.J. answered.

"One of these days yall are gonna come to me, and I'm not gonna have a plan to save your asses." Kevin said.

"Not possible Kev. You love us too much." A.J. answered with a huge smile plastered on his face that he directed towards Kevin.

"Yeah cuz. A.J. 's right. So what's the plan?" Brian asked.

"So what do we do Kev?" Howie added in.

"Fine. I do have a plan. That's why I was asking about Ewan." Kevin said.

"See I told you." A.J. said proud of himself for being right.

"Obviously Nick feels like he can talk to Ewan, instead of us." Kevin started again, "Why? I don't know. The point is, we talk to Ewan, and see if he can help us out. Maybe he knows what's wrong with Nick, or he can talk to him and find out."

"So who talks to Ewan?" Brian asked.

"I thought you could, since you guys were pretty tight when he was on tour with us." Kevin said.

"Aw, Come on Kev. You know I'm not good at doing this kind of thing." Brian tried to reason.

"Just do it for Nick, Brian." Howie said.

"I don't even know if he'll tell me. You know how he is. I know for a fact that if he does know what's wrong, or if Nick told him something, he's not gonna tell me straight out. He'd rather fix it himself than tell the world your problems. That's just the way he is." Brian explained.

"Well, then you'll just have to find a way." A.J. said.

"Why don't you do it then, A.J.?" Brian asked getting irritated that they would force him to do this.

"Because, like Kevin said, you guys were closer." A.J. reasoned.

Brian thought about what they had said, and found it hard to say no. He always found it hard to say no. He gave in, but wasn't happy with their request.

"Alright. Fine. I'll do it. I'll go upstairs now to try and get in contact with him. I'll let you guys know if I find anything out." Brain said getting up from his chair and making his way towards the door of the conference room.

"Hold up Brian. I wanna go with you. I need to take a nap before rehearsal." A.J. said following Brian.

"We'll see you guys later. Don't be late or else Fatima will have a fit." Kevin said before Brian and A.J. left the conference room.

While Kevin, A.J., Howie, and Brian were meeting downstairs, Nick had gone back to his room to check his e-mail, just in case Ewan had replied to the one he sent earlier. After checking his e-mail, and finding nothing there, Nick decided to catch up on his sleep.

A.J. walked Brian to his room and wished him luck in talking to Ewan, before going to his own room. Brian opened the door to his room, wondering how he was going to get in touch with Ewan, and how he'd bring up the subject of Nick.

Brian walked over to his backpack and pulled out his planner. He decided it would be better if he just called Ewan. Brian was much better at personal conversations than e-mail. That was why he hardly ever checked his e-mail. He flipped through his phone numbers and found what he was looking for. He thought about what he was going to say. He was always able to talk to Ewan; that was just the nature of their friendship. He could turn off his goofball/joker side when Brian needed to talk about serious matters. That probably was the reason he and Nick took to him so well. Nick was more attracted to Ewan's goofy side, while Brian preferred his more serious one.

Brian missed the nights he and Ewan would stay up and talk about everything, and nothing at the same time.

Brian picked up the phone that sat on top of the dresser, next to his bed, and began to dial Ewan's phone number. After a few rings, he heard a groggy voice on the other end.

"Arghhh." Brian heard the voice grunt out. He figured Ewan must have still been asleep. A smile grew on his face as he thought about what he was about to do.

"Hello. May I speak to Mr. Ewan McGovern please." Brian said into the phone in the most chipper voice he could come up with.

"Me. Who this?" Ewan said sleepily into the phone.

"This is Brian with AT&T. I was wondering if you were content with your long distance carrier. Right now AT&T is offering a special low rate of ten cents a minute, for all of your long distance calls, over ten minutes. It's a great plan should you decide..." Brian said as he heard Ewan interrupt him.

"Not interrested." Ewan said irritably.

"Sir, if you'd let me finish I could tell..." Brian continued, as he tried not to laugh.

"NOT INTERESTED." Ewan said angry at being awoken at such an early hour.

"But sir, AT&T..." Brian started to say, but was cut off when he heard the dial tone.

"He hung up on me." Brian said out loud before dialing Ewan's Phone number again. It rang only once this time before he heard Ewan pick up again.

"WHAT?" Brian heard Ewan scream into the phone.

"Sir, that was very rude of you to hang up on me like that before I got the chance to finish. Now like I was saying, if you switch..."

"I said I wasn't interested. Now will you please stop calling me.

If you call one more time..." Ewan started to explain, obviously pissed off this time. But Brian couldn't hold it in any longer, and began to laugh. "Do you think this is funny?" Ewan asked. "That's it, I'm hangin' up right now."

"Ewan, no wait don't hang up. I was only kidding. It's me Brian." Brian said through his laughter.

"Brian?" Ewan questioned. "Brian who?"

"Oh come on, it hasn't been that long. How many Brian's do you know anyway?"

Ewan thought for a second and realized who it was. "If this is a certain BackStreet Boy, a lot of your fans are gonna be unhappy when I bust up your face for waking me up at..." Ewan said, as he lifted his head to look at his alarm clock. "Nine in the morning !?!"

"Ouch. Sounds painful. Besides it's already ten over here." Brian responded trying to irritate Ewan even more.

"Doesn't matter. It's still nine here. And you bet it's gonna be painful. Now why the hell are you calling me so early in the morning? You should know better than to wake a college kid up before noon." Ewan said laying back down in his bed, and pulling the covers over his head to block out the sun.

"Come on. Shouldn't you be up anyway? Don't you have class or something?" Brian asked.

"Is that why you called me? To ask if I have class? For your information, this is officially the first day of MY spring break. I was hoping to sleep in, but someone is making that impossible right now, so you better be calling to tell me that someone died." Ewan said trying to joke.

"Nope. Sorry, Kevin's still alive and kicking." Brian joked back. Ewan, Nick and he continuously cracked jokes about Kevin whenever they got the chance.

Brian heard Ewan laughing on the other end of the phone. "He knows that I love him right? He's just gotta learn to loosen up a bit." Ewan said to Brian.

"You don't have to explain anything to me Ewan. Kevin does have a tendency to walk around with a stick up his ass." Brian started to say as the both of them mentally pictured Kevin and his stick. "Actually, you'd be proud of him Ewan. Last night, he pulled a prank on A.J. and I at a club. If I hadn't been on the receiving end of it, and hadn't woken up in so much pain this morning, I'd say it was almost worthy of being up there with one of yours." Brian finished saying.

"Really? I'm glad to hear that I've had some effect on Kevin."

"Yeah, but don't let it get to your head. He can still be way overbearing when he wants to. But, Kev's not the reason why I called." Brian said hesitating as he thought about what he was going to say next.

He didn't know how to bring up the subject of Nick. He wanted to know what was wrong, and why Nick hadn't been able to talk to him or any of the others about it. Deep down inside, he knew that if Nick did speak to someone, it would be Ewan.

The other thought that ran through his mind, was whether or not Ewan would actually tell him about Nick. Brian knew the reason why he and Ewan were able to 'click' right away, was because Ewan was one of the few people he could talk to. Brian could confide in him about anything; without fear of Ewan going around and telling everyone what he says.

He was a good friend, but more importantly he could be trusted. Two qualities Brian and the others saw rarely in people they meet, since they became celebrities. Ewan would listen without passing any judgment, and if he did have any advice to give, he wouldn't push it on you, but rather try and lead you there. Brian loved this about Ewan, and respected him for it. But now, here he sat on the phone, about to ask Ewan to violate the very thing he loved and admired about his friend.

Despite his hesitation, Brian was strong in his conviction to find out what Nick was going through, no matter how much or how little Ewan knew.

Although he tried not to outwardly show it, he was upset at Nick's sudden change. Two months ago, if someone had told him their relationship would be the way it is now, he wouldn't have believed them. Yet now, here he was uncertain of what had happened. Brian didn't know how to accept, or react to this change. He only backed off, hoping Nick would come back around. Meanwhile, all he could do was wait. He was helpless. It was a feeling he wasn't used to, nor did he like.

He secretly hoped Ewan would be able to help him understand, by telling him what was going on with Nick, so that he could help is now estranged best friend. Brian knew this was what he wanted, but he was afraid of what Ewan would say. A part of him wanted to know what was wrong with Nick, but another part of him couldn't help but think how he didn't want to know either. This part of him was afraid to know. What Brian feared most was Ewan telling him what was wrong with Nick, and then not knowing what to do.

Now he was here, forced into talking to Ewan, about Nick. He knew he had to do this, so Brian just breathed in and prepared himself for what was to come.

"I sure hope Kevin wasn't the reason you woke me up so early, on MY Spring Break. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy, but he's not really the first thing I want to hear about in the morning. So Bri, you better have a better reason for waking me up so early." Ewan said curious as to why Brian was calling him.

"God, someone's cranky." Brian said trying to stall, but it was inevitable. He had to ask him now. "The real reason why I called, other than wanting to hear from your cranky ass," Brian said pausing to think about what he was going to say next. "The reason I'm calling is..." Brian paused again. "Is it's about Nick."

Ewan's attention grew more and more when he noticed the hesitation in Brian's voice. When he heard Nick's name, he sat up in his bed knowing that his conversation with Brian was about to turn serious.

As soon as Brian heard the silence from Ewan's end, he knew immediately that Ewan knew something he didn't. His natural instinct to start worrying kicked in, and he started running all of the possible scenarios of what could be wrong.

'What does Ewan know, or how much does he know about Nick's problem?' Brian thought to himself. Now more than ever, he wanted to know what was wrong, but that small voice in the back of his head was still there. The voice that told Brian that it might be better if he didn't know.

His other half won over and pushed Brian to find out more. 'It's too late now. We need to find out what's wrong; I need to find out what's wrong.' Brian thought to himself before he started to speak.

"Ewan? Are you still there?" Brian asked.

Ewan's concentration was broken when he heard Brian's voice. He knew Nick was going through some rough times, but he wasn't able to discuss anything about it, with Nick, in detail. He never thought that, what was bothering Nick was serious enough for Brian to be calling him so early in the morning.

Then he remembered what Nick said in his last e-mail. He remembered Nick saying how he was unable to talk to Brian. Now, Brian was on the phone asking him about Nick. Ewan didn't know what was going on, but he knew for Nick's sake, that he couldn't reveal to Brian what very little he knew and how concerned he was for Nick.

"Um, Yeah, I'm still here Bri." Ewan said answering Brian's earlier question. "Sorry about that. I zoned out for a sec, that's all. I'm still a little sleepy. Did you say something about Nick?" Ewan questioned. "What has that little goofball gotten himself into now, that I need to get a wake up call from you this early in the morning?" Ewan said trying to joke with Brian.

"Actually, that's what I was going to ask you." Brian said picking up on Ewan's attempt at joking with him, but not really in the mood to joke back.

"Ask me?" Ewan questioned picking up on Brian's tone and wanting to be serious. "Ask me what? Is Nicky Okay Brian?"

Brian hoped Ewan wouldn't make this any more difficult or uncomfortable for him, but prepared himself for this. He knew getting any information out of him would be a difficult task, so he decided to try and explain how serious the situation was.

"He's fine I guess." Brian started to explain. "What I'm trying to say is that I can't answer that question because I don't know. All I know is that Nick's been moping around for the past few months, trying to distance himself from all of us. He hardly ever hangs out with us, and just wants to be alone." Brian said starting to get frantic.

"Then we find out he didn't come home last night. We don't know where he's been or what he did. Now everyone's on my back trying to get answers, but I have none because Nick never confides, let alone talks to me anymore." Brian continued getting more and more emotional as he tried to explain what's been happening to Ewan. He had to stop for a minute, to gather his thoughts and to keep from crying on the phone.

"Bri man. I'm sorry. I don't know what to say." Ewan said hearing Brian sniffle through the phone. It killed him to know that this was happening to two of his best friends, and he couldn't be there to offer any support. All he could think about was how much he wanted to be sitting next to Brian right now, or even better, hugging him and letting him know everything would be okay.

"Just tell me what's wrong with him, Ewan. Did I do something wrong? I just want him to be okay. I just want things to be the way they were." Brian said as his tears were now flowing freely down his cheeks.

Ewan could hear Brian trying to fight off his tears. It broke his heart knowing that Brian was in pain. He felt a lump form in his throat as he started to choke up. He knew that if this continued, he'd be crying himself. But he remembered what Nick said about not being able to tell Brian what was wrong. Ewan knew that he needed to help them both, but he didn't want to break his trust with Nick by telling Brian anything that Nick's told him. Suddenly, he heard Brian speak again.

"Ewan...," Brian said followed by a pause, "I miss him, Ewan. I miss Nick." Brian finished. He couldn't hold back his tears any longer and just openly cried to Ewan.

Ewan heard Brain sobbing. It broke his heart even more. He felt a single tear roll down his right cheek.

Brian tried to control his tears. He wiped away the moistness from his face. He knew Ewan could hear him crying. He had to pull himself together. As he was doing this, he heard Ewan's voice come through the phone.

"Brian, I'm so sorry. I wish I could be there with you right now.

I didn't know things were this bad for you . You should've told me sooner." Ewan said wanting to comfort Brian.

"That's okay Ewe, I'll be alright. I guess I just had that all bottled up and it all came out. I'm sorry you had to hear that." Brian said trying to apologize.

"Brian," Ewan quickly jumped in, "you don't have to apologize for anything. That's what I'm here for. I just wish I could do more."

"Thanks." Brian said, and took in a deep breath before he continued. "Please Ewan, just tell me what's wrong with Nick. He told us you e-mailed him. You're the only one he talks to nowadays. I need to know what's wrong with him, Ewan...Please." Brian pleaded with him.

"Brian, you of all people should know that if Nick did tell me something, I wouldn't go around telling everybody. You know I'd do the same for you." Brian expected him to say this. This was why it was easy for him to confide in him.

"But that's just it Bri," Ewan started to speak again, "I don't know what's wrong. Nick hasn't told me anything. I sent him an e-mail last night asking him to tell me, but I haven't checked my mail yet to see if he's written back.

"I could sense something was wrong Bri," Ewan continued, "but I didn't know how bad it was until I heard you crying just now. You know how hard it is to get information out of Nick sometimes." Ewan finished saying.

"I know Ewan, but he usually tells you or me his secrets and how he's feeling, but now he hardly speaks to me, so I figured, if anything you would know." Brian said exasperated.

"Well, he hasn't said anything yet, but like I said , I haven't gotten his reply to my last e-mail." Ewan said pauseing for a few seconds. "Hey Bri?" Ewan said wanting to ask Brian a question.

"Yeah?" Brian replied.

"You do know that if he does tell me, I hope you trust me enough, and know me enough to know that I'll do anything humanly possible to help him, right?" Ewan questioned Brian.

"Yeah. I know." Brian said defeated.

"And you know that I'd do the same for you, right?" Ewan questioned Brian again.

When Brian heard this, he smiled for the first time that day. He knew Ewan would be there for Nick and even for him. He could always count on him. He only wished he had told him sooner, rather than having Ewan hear him crying over the phone.

"Yeah bro. I know. That's why I love ya." Brian said.

"Aw, come on. Don't get all mushy on me so early in the morning. You already ALMOST made me cry." Ewan said wanting to keep up a facade of strength for Brian.

Brian knew better though. He knew Ewan, at least, got all misty eyed. "I thought I heard you sniffle though." Brian said trying to get Ewan to admit to crying.

"Nope. Sorry, I just have a cold." Ewan joked trying to cheer up Brian.

"Whatever you say Ewey." Brian laughed. Ewan cringed when he heard Brian use the nickname Nick dubbed on him. "I just wish Nick would tell me what's wrong. I just want things to be normal again." Brian said with a sigh. "He was always able to talk to me. I'm supposed to be his best friend."

"Sometimes it's hard to tell your best friend certain things. Sometimes they don't say anything because they're afraid that you'll look at them differently or worse stop being friends with them." Ewan said trying to help Brian understand.

"That's the thing with having a best friend. They're the person you can count on the most because you're so close to them. But when something big comes up, your vision isn't so clear anymore. You become afraid of telling them certain things because you want to preserve what you have and not change it."

"That's dumb. Why would Nick think that. I would never stop being his friend. He's my Frack." Brian said in frustration. "If that's the case, then why does he feel he can tell you? You're his best friend too."

"Yeah I am. But it's different with me. We write e-mails. We don't talk in person very often, but he sees you every day. He's probably afraid that you won't take what he has to say the right way, and he'll have to see you and be around you day in and day out. That would be hard for him. Also, it's easier to type things than to say it vocally. You can rewrite it as many times as you want, until you perfect what you want to say." Ewan continued to explain to Brian.

"When you talk to someone in person, you get one shot, and you run the risk of it coming out all wrong. Also, Nick doesn't have to worry about seeing my reaction when he tells me things over e-mail. It's just easier for him." Ewan explained to Brian, hoping that it would shed some light on what Nick might be thinking, and possibly make Brian feel better.

"Yeah, I guess. How do you always know the right things to say?" Brian said thinkg how Ewan was always able to cheer him up. "I miss you dude. I wish you were here."

"Hey, what did I say about being so mushy in the morning." Ewan joked with Brian." The both of them started laughing again, before Ewan spoke up. "Seriously though, I wish I was there too."

Brian laughed when Ewan joked about being mushy, but suddenly stopped when he heard the last thing Ewan said. It was like something had clicked in his head, as if he realized something. There was a pause in their conversation as Brian started thinking about something.

Ewan notice the silence from Brian. He started to worry about him hoping he wasn't crying again. "Hey Bri, you still there? You okay?" Ewan asked.

"Yeah, I'm here. I was just thinking about something."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Naw, it's nothing serious and all." Brian answered trying to ease Ewan's mind. "Hey did you say you were on spring break?"

"Yeah. I don't have class on Friday's, so my spring break officially starts today." Ewan answered.

"Then why are you still there? Why aren't you in Cancun or some place other than Michigan?"

"No cash dude. You forget...I'm not a 'Mega Pop Star' boy band member." Ewan started to joke. "Besides, I'm trying to save up some cash for my millennium new year's trip to Paris. I figure if I don't spend what I have now on a big spring break, and I save most of the money I make from working this coming summer, I can be in front of the Eiffel Tower to ring in the new millennium." Ewan explained to Brian.

"That's cool. Aren't all of your friends going away though? And why Paris for the new year?" Brian asked.

"Well aren't we curious this morning." Ewan said sarcastically. "To answer your questions, the guys in my fraternity left late last night to get an early start on spring break. So, they're probably either drunk off their asses in a Mexican bar or in Mexican jail, while I stay here in the Frat house.

"And why Paris? Because I've already done the whole New York/Times Square thing. Also, I get to go there and practice my French. Besides, I hear they're planning an awesome show at the Eiffel Tower for New Years." Ewan finished saying.

"Oh, that's cool. Hey did you say you were alone?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, what's with the third degree? You're starting to sound like Kevin when he's grilling me about something I, or we did. You're starting to scare me."

Brian laughed at that thought. "Actually," Brian started to say, "I've got an idea. It makes no sense for you to be alone on your own spring break. You should be having fun."

"I told you. No cash, remember?"

"I know. But here's what I was thinking you should do." Brian said starting to get excited. He only hoped Ewan would agree to his plan. "You should come here to New York and meet up with us. You should spend your spring break touring with us." Brian said excitedly.

"What? Are you kidding?" Ewan answered.

"No. I'm not. You said earlier that you wish you were here, and like I said I miss having you here. But the main thing is you and Nick could talk. You could maybe even help him out. He'll be so surprised to see you."

"Brian, you know I'd be there in a heartbeat if one of you needed me." Ewan said before Brian interrupted him.

"Then say you'll come. Don't worry about any expenses. I'll take care of everything." Brian pleaded with Ewan. He knew Ewan wouldn't accept a free trip, especially from one of his friends, so he had to pressure him even more. "Ewan, Nick needs you." Brian paused. "I need you."

When he heard Brian say that he needed him, it touched him. That was all he needed to hear. "Fine. I'll come meet you guys in New York."

"Yes!!!" Ewan heard Brian scream into the telephone.

"Woah...calm down Bri." Ewan said happy to hear the change in Brian's mood. He was happy to be able to do this for his friend.

"I can't help it. I'm all excited now." Brian said. "Okay...um...so when can you get here, and how long can you stay?" Brian asked.

"I can be there as soon as possible, but I need to be back here at school a week after this Sunday the latest." Ewan answered.

"Wait, let me write this down." Brian said as he looked for a pen and a pad to write on. "Alright, I got it. You need to be back next, next Sunday." Brian said as he wrote. "If I can get you a flight, can you be here tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow? Wow, that's pretty soon, but yeah, I think I can do it."

"Oh My God, this is so great!!! Nick's gonna be so surprised, and Kevin's gonna flip. I can't wait to see the look on his face when you get here."

"That will be precious." Ewan said as he pictured Kevin's reaction.

"Don't worry, he'll be happy to see you. He'll know that you're here for Nick. Besides, the trouble that we'll cause will be payback for what he did to me last night." Brian explained.

"What did he do anyway that you're so gung-ho on getting him back?" Ewan asked.

"It's a long story. I'll tell you when you get here. I don't have much time right now 'cause we have to get to rehearsal in a few hours, and I need to take a nap before hand. So here's what I'll do. I'll set everything up and I'll e-mail you the info because we have a concert tonight, and I don't know when I'll have some time it call. As soon as I get the info, I'll write you a quick e-mail. Deal?"

"Deal." Ewan answered.

"I can't wait to see you." Brian reiterated one more time because he was so exicited. "Oh, before I forget, don't tell Nicky if you talk to him...I want it to be a surprise." Brian finished.

"Yeah sure, no problem. I can't wait.' Ewan said with excitement. "Hey Bri, hold on a sec. You guys are in New York right?"

"Yeah."

"How long will we be there if I hook up with you guys tomorrow?" Ewan asked.

"I think Marc said we'll be here for a few days after the concert tomorrow night. Why?" Brian asked hoping Ewan hadn't changed his mind.

"Oh. I was just curious 'cause my roommate's not in Cancun with the rest of the guys. He decided to check out New York instead. I wanted to see if I could hook up with him when I get there." Ewan explained.

"That shouldn't be a problem. Like I said we're here for a few days. Plus, I'd like to meet him. Maybe he can fill us in on what kind of crazy stuff you've been up to in college." Brian said enthusiastically.

"Yeah, that would be cool. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to oblige."

"Definitely. Okay, I have to go now. Check your e-mail tonight for the info. I can't wait to see you." Brian said.

"Me too." Ewan answered equally excited.

"Alright. Talk to you later then. Bye." Brian said.

"Bye." Ewan answered as he was about to hang up the phone.

"Oh, and Ewan." Ewan heard Brian's voice come through the phone again.

"Yeah Bri?"

"Thanks...for everything." Brian said.

"Anytime bro, anytime." Brian heard Ewan say as they both hung up the phone.

So, what did you think? What do you think so far? What did you think of Nick's first sexual experience? Will we ever get to meet Ewan? What's his deal? I guess you'll find out soon. I wanna hear from all of ya reading this. I'm kinda curious as to where you think the story is going, or where you'd like it to go. Or if you hate the story.

Lastly, I'd like to thank all of you who wrote me. I love hearing from you guys and can't wait to hear what you think of this chapter. Like I said, I am an avid reader of the nifty archive but never wrote any of the authors. Now that I've converted I've actually begun a dialogue with some of my favorite authors. And they're really cool!!! Hi guys!!!

Just wanna give a special shout out to a certain someone in SJ who likes to wear shorts for not gagging. He's a great author and a great friend. Check his story "Not Meant to Be" out.

Special mention to Drew for your comments and criticisms, especially the criticisms you make me a better writer!!! Shout out to Carter, who doesn't know it yet but he's slowly becoming my editor! I hope you liked the present...Thanks!!!

Lucas Out...till next time!!!

rtstories@hotmail.com