Because I Love You

Author's Note:

Alright...sorry it took so long. I was going through a major change in my life, but for now at least, things are going good. Good enough for me to work on BILY some more. So...here it is...Chapter 19.

Originally, I intended for like the past few chapters and the next few to be posted pretty much close to each other, but that didn't happen. So in case you don't remember much, please go back and read the past few chapters...pretty please!!!

Legal Disclaimer:

This work is purely fiction. It is purely derived from the mind of the author and in no way dictates the sexual orientation of any of the Back Street Boys. Only in my mind do I truly believe they're gay, and in love with me. Any similarity to real life, or to someone's life, is purely coincidental. It contains homosexual subject matter. If you're not into that, why not??? Gay porn/erotica is way hotter than heterosexual porn!!! Do not read any further if you are under the legal age for viewing this material in your country, state, province, city, town, suburb, home, shack, hole in the wall, cardboard box, van down by the river, trailer home, room, or dormitory at Hogwart's School of Witches and Wizards, or closet.

End of Chapter Eighteen

"I don't know." Nick laughed out. "I think he may have a crush on you." Nick teased.

"What? That's impossible. The last time I saw little Aaron Carter, all he was interested in was basketball, video games, and trying to drown me in the pool." Stephanie said, causing Nick to laugh again. He couldn't remember the last time he actually laughed.

"There's no way he could have a crush on me."

"Why not?"

"Cause he's SO immature." She answered in the typical way and tone most girls her age spoke in.

Nick smiled at her answer. "Well, that was a year ago, and you have to remember that we all grow up eventually."

"That's true...but still, we're talking about Aaron Carter here." She said causing Nick to chuckle. "'Sides, my brother warned me about you Carter boys."

Nick stopped laughing at Stephanie's mention of Ewan. He looked over at her, smiled a crooked smile and sighed. "I betcha he did. I knew he always had it out for me."

"Naw...he loved you." Stephanie said to Nick's surprise as if it was the most natural response. "He loved you like a brother. Probably even more than he loved Jonathan and he's our real brother, although I don't like to admit it sometimes." She said with a smile.

Nick didn't respond, but she knew he needed to hear those words.

"So...I guess we've both avoided it long enough..." Stephanie trailed off, as Nick noticed the sadness in her return. "You ready to go upstairs?"

Nick simply nodded. As they both stood up, they stared at each other and smiled awkwardly. Nick opened his arms and was soon holding his best friend's little sister in another embrace. He whispered a soft "Thank You," before they parted and Nick followed her up the stairs. With each step he took, he wondered to himself how, if seeing Stephanie this sad tore him up inside, he was going to face a room full of people just like her. At that point, Nick hated himself even more.

To my one true Angel...you're both an inspiration to my life, and to this story...

Because I Love You By: Lucas

Chapter 18

"Jason?"

"Yeah. Brian, right?" Jason said, extending his hand for Brian to shake, and nodded. "I thought that was you, but I wasn't sure."

"It's cool." Brian said with a laugh. "How ya doin'?"

"Alright, I guess. I mean, as alright as anyone can be right now."

"I know what you mean." Brian said, stealing a glance towards the front of the room where Ewan's body lay unmoved.

"It's been a rough week." Jason said, his tired voice reflecting how rough the past week really had been. "We held a memorial at the house the other day, and a few of the guys and I decided to fly down for the funeral. It's been tough, but it'll get better." Jason continued, trying to convince even himself. "I've never seen the house so sad. It's hard losing a brother...so suddenly too. It feels like I've been cheated...hell feels like Ewan's been cheated." Jason said, his eyes downcast.

They fell into a formidable silence as Brian contemplated his words. Everyone in the band felt the same way Ewan's fraternity brothers did...possibly even worse since they knew the truth of what really happened.

"The only good thing to come out of this, I think, is that he didn't die for nothing. Jim's still alive and we're pretty thankful to Ewan for that." Jason added.

"How's he doing?" Brian asked out of concern and curiosity for the one who had saved them.

"Jim? I'm not sure." Jason answered, which peeked Brian's interest. "He was pretty out of it the first few days, which is understandable. He couldn't even sleep in his own room. It didn't help much either that some people blamed him for what happened."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but no one ever said it to his face. I have a feeling he knew though. I guess that's why he moved out."

"He moved out?"

"Yeah." Jason said with a forlorn sigh. "We were all in class one day, and then when we got home, we found all of Ewan's stuff packed in boxes in their room, but Jim's stuff was gone. He almost didn't even go to the memorial service, but I talked him into it. It hasn't been easy for him, I mean to carry around the knowledge that your best friend died for you..." Jason paused. "That's heavy, man. I could never live with that burden."

"I can imagine." Brian answered, unable to look Jason in the eyes, as his thoughts suddenly turned towards Nick.

"But it'll get better. It always does."

"I know. That's what Kevin's been saying."

"He's a smart man, then. You should listen to him." Jason said with a smile, trying to reassure Brian. "It looks like everyone's getting ready to go. We should get in line to say goodbye." Jason said, nodding his head towards the side of the room where a line was forming next to the coffin.

"Yeah. I should get back to the others." Brian said with a sad expression. "It was nice seeing you again...just wish it was under better circumstances."

"Same here." Jason said with a heavy sigh. "I guess I'll see you at the funeral tomorrow?"

Brian nodded. "Yeah. We'll be there. I guess it'll all be over then, huh?"

"It's never over. Something like this is just never over." Jason said, turning back towards Brian. "I'll see you tomorrow then. Oh, and say Hi to Nick for me. I didn't get a chance to see him. Did he come with you guys?"

"Yeah. He's here somewhere. I think all this was just too much for him. I'll tell him you said 'Hi' though."

There was an awkward silence where each one wanted to say more, but neither one did. They exchanged forced smiles before parting.

"Who were you talking to?" Kevin asked Brian.

"A friend of Ewan's. They're in the same fraternity. We met him at the party we went to."

"Oh." Howie said.

Brian caught the questioning look in Howie's eyes. "Don't worry, D. He doesn't know anything...just the story Jim gave them. We're safe."

"For now." A.J. interjected.

Kevin noticed that another argument was about to ensue, so he stepped in. "Could we not discuss this here??? Now c'mon, we have to get in line to pay our respects. Wait till we get back to the hotel, then the two of you can go at it again." He said irritably.

"Fine." Brian responded, angered by A.J.'s comment. "Where's Nick?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen him since we got here." Kevin whispered, as he led them to the place where everyone was waiting.

"I should go look for him." Brian said as he started to turn around, but A.J. blocked his way.

"Don't. If he doesn't want to do this, don't make him. He's not a kid anymore."

Brian wasn't happy with what A.J. said, and was about to respond when he noticed that their conversation had already elicited a few stares. Instead, he turned back around.

Outside of the room, Nick stood staring at the entrance, daring him to enter. He took in a deep breath allowing the strange smell of death masked by the sweet scent of flowers waft into his nose. His stomach churned in anticipation as he fought off the urge to vomit. His heart pounded in his chest with nervousness, as he contemplated whether he could go through with it.

Nick just wanted to leave...to get away...to be alone. He looked towards the other door, and for the first time caught sight of Ewan's parents as they stood there accepting the condolences of those on their way out.

Nick's heart sank as he turned away in shame. The thought that he did this to them...to everyone...filled his head once again. The faces around him and the thoughts in his head overwhelmed Nick. It almost made him want to run into the room to get away from it all, but he knew what the room held. He felt trapped. There was no escape now.

He was about to turn away, hoping to make an unobtrusive exit, when he felt a pair of hands fall on his shoulders. Nick jumped at the touch and turned around. To his surprise, he came face to face with Jim. He began to lower his eyes, a mannerism he had suddenly become adept at in the recent days since the accident, but Jim stopped him.

"Have you gone in yet?" He asked softly, his voice soothing, sensing Nick's troubled soul. Nick shook his head no. "Neither have I. Let's do this together." He said with a comforting smile. Before Nick had a chance to think, Jim put his arm around his shoulders and led him inside.

Those who had said their final goodbyes were filing out of the room on the opposite side. As Brian finished saying a prayer, he made the sign of the cross and stood from the kneeler set up in front of Ewan's body. He was one of the last one's left to say their peace to the dead, when Nick walked in with Jim. Brian turned to look at them as he was walking away.

An intense gaze of longing and jealousy came from Brian. A.J. followed it and realized who it was being directed at. He looked back towards Brian, shaking his head, wondering if things would ever change. A.J. prodded Brian to keep going, trying to hide the fact that he had seen him stare them down.

Walking into the room, Nick held his head high, knowing what he had to do. He put on a brave face, trying to mask his nervousness...his guilt. Nick thought to himself how this was exactly what he did before a show or an interview. He was putting on his game face, but this wasn't just another show or any other interview, and it certainly wasn't just a game. This was real, and the reality of it was that he was standing there, looking like any of the other mourners, trying to ignore the fact that he was the cause of Ewan's death.

Nick felt sick to his stomach.

He walked stealthily towards Ewan, a part of him knowing what to expect, but a greater part still uncertain. He saw his best friend, turned savior, laying peacefully at the front of the room. With Jim still at his side, Nick slowly passed the multitude of flowers lining the path leading towards the casket; a painful reminder of how loved Ewan was.

They finally stopped when they reached the front of the room. Nick peered inside the coffin and drew in a sharp breath. He stared down at his friend who was laid to rest in a cushioned casket, lined with white satin. It was a sharp contrast to the dark suit he wore, but in the back of Nick's mind, he couldn't help but think how even with the life gone from him, Ewan was still beautiful.

Nick could feel the dam holding in all of his emotions begin to waver under the pressure. There was still so much left unsaid. Nick clenched his fingers tight, folded in front of him, in prayer. Unconsciously, he blinked several times, still unable to grasp the reality of the situation.

'This is crazy.' Nick thought to himself. 'I'm not supposed to be here. No one is.'

Nick continued his vigilant watch over Ewan's body for the next few minutes. As time continued its steady march for the living, Nick suddenly began to feel lighter and lighter. Unable to hold onto the dark thoughts of guilt, anger, and sadness any longer, the thoughts that had recently been his only comfort, he felt them slowly disappear, until only one thought remained.

His friend was gone.

Nick fought against the pricking behind his eyes - tears threatening to fall as that one thought lingered in his mind. Nick drove his gaze back towards Ewan's face. He saw no emotion there, no happiness, no sadness, no joy, no pain, for his being no longer knew what those sensations were; sensations that only came with life. There was only a sense of finality reflected upon Ewan's face. At that moment, Nick managed to convince himself of the words Brian spoke over and over in the past few days.

"He's in a better place now, Nick. He's happy."

Nick uttered a silent farewell as he felt the weight of Jim's hand return to his shoulder. He had forgotten that he was still there. There was one thing left to do as Jim followed Nick towards the exit. They had to face Ewan's parents.

He arrived in front of Ewan's mother first, just as she let go of someone he didn't know. Her head fell, as she brought a mangled tissue up to her nose, holding it in place with her delicate hand. Her eyes were shut as she awaited the next person, only to repeat the same gesture for the hundredth time. Nick walked up to her, making his presence known. She raised her head to see who it was in front of her. A look of recognition came over her bloodshot eyes, no longer filled with tears.

Nick held her in his arms, squeezing her tight, trying to comfort her, but feeling Nick in her arms only reminded her that she would never hold her son that way again. He whispered a quiet "I'm sorry" in her ear, two words she repeatedly heard all day, but to Nick it carried more meaning, for he truly was sorry...

She cradled his face in her hands, searching for the son she had lost in the young blonde in front of her. The longing in her eyes disappeared when she realized it wasn't him. A forced smile crossed her lips as she uttered the word's "Thank you, Nick" before giving him a kiss on the cheek. She let go of him and he walked away. He looked back only once, wanting to say more, but he noticed that her head had fallen once again...her hand holding the mangled tissue back up to her nose as she awaited the next mourner, the next reminder that her son truly was gone.

Nick caught sight of Kevin through the crowd and began a slow march to join the others, when he heard a sudden shrill sound pierce through the solemnity of the funeral home. He saw Kevin look up and dart his eyes behind him towards the source of the sound. Nick quickly turned, until he focused on Ewan's mother...and Jim.

"How dare you!!!" Nick heard her say. She repeated those words over and over, and with each passing time, Nick could see the anger multiply on her face. Jim winced the first time she had said it, but now stood in front of her with a blank stare on his face.

Ewan's mother now struggled from the grip her husband had placed on her. The look on his face was a scolding one, aimed at his wife for causing an embarrassing scene. It was typical of Ewan's father to think of that first, but it was unmistakable that the looks he directed at Jim were that of a father who had lost his child.

"You killed him."

Her words pierced through Nick's ears right to his heart, as a realization came to him. She should've been saying those words to him.

Nick watched Ewan's mother try to free herself from the tight hold her husband had on her, the small frame of her body struggling against his taller, stronger one. Suddenly, she broke free. Nick watched in slow motion as the mangled tissue finally dropped from her clenched fist as she cried out, "You did this. It's all your fault!"

Then it happened.

It was quick, so it didn't register with Nick until he heard the unmistakable sound of a hand making contact with flesh. She had just slapped Jim across his face. He stood with his head cocked to the side from the force of the small woman's blow. She broke down; still muttering the words that made it clear to everyone present that it was he who she blamed.

Nick wanted to turn away, but his body was frozen in place, forcing him to watch as Ewan's father half carried, half dragged his wife away. He was broken out of his frozen state, when he felt someone rush past him. When he turned around, all he saw was the back of Jim's body as he made his way out of the funeral home.

As Nick was left in the midst of the gathered crowd, he felt a sudden heat begin to rise to his face. He brought his hand up to his cheek and held it there, feeling the pain of the guilt-ridden mark that was meant for him.

Nick woke to the sound of voices coming through the wall that separated his room from the common room. Kevin had decided on getting a three-bedroom suite for them to stay in while in New York. Knowing that the whole ordeal of attending Ewan's wake and funeral would be difficult, he thought it best that none of them go through it alone, barricaded in their room, just as Nick had chosen to do.

Slowly, Nick opened his eyes and was startled by the complete darkness that surrounded him. His eyes blinked periodically, trying to rid himself of the disorientation he felt. He tried to sit up, but the exhaustion his body felt and the pounding in his head made it extremely difficult. Eventually, Nick was able to sit back against the headboard of the bed. He noticed that his body was covered in sweat as his clothes clung to him and his hair matted against his head. He was back in his hotel room, but could only vaguely remember how he got there. Nick reached his hand over to the bedside lamp to turn it on, but when he did, it only served to heighten the throbbing pain in his head. He quickly turned it off, but not before he realized that he was still dressed in the suit and tie he wore earlier.

As his eyes slowly readjusted to the darkness, the events of the past week, and especially the past few hours, flooded his consciousness. He let out an exasperated sigh and closed his eyes as he dropped his head in defeat. Nick brought his knees up to his chest and laid his head on one of them, remembering why he was so exhausted.

The image of Jim running out of the funeral home, the embarrassed look on his face and the cries of anguish from Ewan's mother ran through his head. Nick could see once again the look Kevin gave him when their eyes met. He was still holding his hand to his cheek when it happened, and he quickly drew it away in shame. Nick could no longer stand the scrutinizing gaze Kevin shot him, so he turned to run after Jim, but was too late. The last thing he could remember, was chasing after the cab Jim sped away in. He was about to turn back, when he heard Brian's voice calling out from behind, followed by the sound of several pairs of feet pounding on the pavement. Nick didn't need to turn around to know that the others were running after him, but instead of going towards them, something inside of him said to keep going. All of a sudden, he found himself sprinting down the sidewalk, turning down side streets, screaming and yelling as he ran, not wanting to stop. It felt somewhat liberating, but eventually his body gave in and he collapsed.

Nick wasn't sure how he got back to the hotel and into his bed, nor did he care. All he knew was the pain he felt. That was when he heard the voices coming through the wall once again. This time, it wasn't as muffled, and he could make out what he was sure was laughter.

He didn't understand why, but a surge of anger ran through him. Perhaps it was because the noise brought him out from the oblivion he was lost in, where he didn't have to deal with Ewan's death, or perhaps it was because he felt betrayed that his so called best friends were laughing after all that had happened, or maybe it was the jealousy he felt because they could laugh...and he couldn't. Whatever it was, Nick couldn't stand it any longer.

He shot out of bed and bounded towards the door leading into the common room, ready to kill, when he suddenly came to a stop. He was about to reach for the doorknob when he broke down.

'What am I doing?' Nick thought to himself. 'I'm losing it.'

Then he heard the voices and the laughter once again. His anger returned, but this time it was tempered with curiosity. Nick reached out to quietly open the door, determined to find out why his friends had the right to be happy, but he didn't. He timed it so that he cracked the door open with the next wave of laughter, not wanting them to discover that he was prying. This was what he was reduced to, spying on his friends.

A small stream of light was cast from the opening into his darkened conclave. He moved towards the wall so that his back was resting against it and slid down. He sat on the plush carpet, holding his knees up to his chest and listened.

In the other room, Kevin stood peering over his cousin's shoulder, who was seated at the dining room table along with Howie and A.J. Kevin looked between each one as they passed around photos from the now scattered pile on the table. They were looking through pictures they had taken when Ewan came on tour with them. Kevin had brought them with him, knowing that they would need them to get through the grief. He hoped that the happy memories they shared would cast a shadow over the sadness. He remembered that going through old photos helped him and his family get through the grieving process when his own father died.

This was Kevin's attempt to bring back some normalcy to the group. Kevin secretly craved that normalcy almost as much as Brian did. He told himself he'd take it at any cost, even if it meant trying to get the others to forget their loss, especially Nick. If in the process it somehow brought Nick closer to him, Kevin thought, all the more better. This was as much for Nick as it was for him. Kevin hoped that this little act would be the beginning of a renewed friendship, but what he didn't account for was Nick's deep withdrawal from everyone and everything.

'Damn you, Nick.' Kevin thought to himself. 'Why did you have to go off and get drunk that night? Why did you have to run in front of that car?

Why did you kill...' Kevin started to think to himself, but stopped before fully forming his last thought. The one he feared the most to have.

A wave of guilt flooded through him as he wondered why that one particular thought kept popping into his head since the accident. He didn't blame Nick for what happened. 'It was an accident.' Kevin kept saying to himself.

It wasn't just Nick who constantly replayed the events of that night. Kevin too would constantly have scenes from that night run through his head.

His guilty conscience would only focus on two thoughts. The one he hated himself for thinking, and the other for actually doing it.

He knew exactly why Nick drank so much that night. Since the night of the accident, Kevin constantly thought of the argument he had with Nick at the club.

'Why did I have to do that right then?' Kevin asked himself once again, but before his guilt could eat away at his soul even more, Howie's voice brought him back from his dark thoughts.

"Hey, remember this one?"

Everyone looked over towards the photograph he held in his hand. It was taken after Ewan had found out that they were going to pass the Grand Canyon on the tour bus. It was a group photo of everyone trying to stop Kevin from pushing Ewan into the big ditch.

"Remember how he made us stop there to take pictures?" A.J. asked.

"Yeah, he kept whining about how he'd never seen it before and how he always dreamed of seeing it." Brian answered.

"He said that about all the places he made us stop at." Kevin interjected.

"Yeah, that was funny." A.J. said, "I remember the only reason why we did stop was because he wouldn't stop bugging you until he broke you down, Kev."

"God, he was so annoying." Kevin said, causing everyone to laugh. "I think we saw every landmark in America on that tour."

"I'm glad we did stop." Brian said, after a moment of silent remembrance. "I think until that tour, I took every place we went to for granted."

"Me too."

"Same here."

"Yeah."

Nick nodded his head in silent agreement as he listened to Brian's words echo from the other room.

"I'm glad we stopped for him. At least he got to see all of those places."

A sudden silence filled the room.

"Yeah. I'm glad too." Howie said.

"Check this one out. This is a good one." A.J. said, picking up a photograph of Ewan posing in front of the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. "Check out the Kool-Aid smile on his face." He held the photo out for everyone to see.

"That boy was always smiling. He had an awesome smile too." Kevin said.

"And he always knew how to make you laugh." Howie added. "Hey...that was weird."

"What?" Brian asked.

"Do you realize we've been talking about him in the past tense? That's so fucked up."

"Yeah. I noticed. I can't seem to shake the feeling that he's really gone. I keep thinking that he's just back at school or away and that the phone will ring at any minute and I'll hear his voice..."

"Or get an e-mail from him..." A.J. added quietly. "I keep checking my inbox." He said, almost as if he was ashamed to admit it.

Kevin looked over at A.J., and for the first time realized exactly how hard this was really hitting him. He was about to say something when A.J. pushed back his chair and stormed away from the group, towards his bedroom.

Nick was startled when he heard a door slam. He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes; waiting to hear what he knew would come next. A.J. hardly ever slammed doors, but when he did...

The other three were frozen in place as a foreboding feeling came over them. If they were able to look each other in the eye, they'd also see fear. They waited in silence until it came.

A blood curdling scream came from behind the door to A.J.'s room, causing them to wince and jump, followed by what Kevin thought was the sound of the bedside lamp breaking into pieces as it hit the wall.

The noise caused Nick to cover his ears. A.J. was in the room next to his, and he heard the lamp hit the wall. It was rare for him to get this angry, but every time A.J. did, it scared Nick to no end. He ran into the bathroom, trying to get as far away from the commotion as he could.

The next sound they heard was of the table being flipped over.

"I'll go." Kevin volunteered, after hearing more crashing sounds, worried that A.J. might end up hurting himself in his rage. Not one of them spoke as Kevin walked towards A.J.'s door. They watched as he steadied himself and slip inside. The door shut with a slam. They heard another crash and could only hope Kevin didn't get hurt.

"I can't listen to this. I hate it when he gets like this." Howie said, getting up from the table.

"Where you going?" Brian asked.

"I don't know. I just need to get out of here. You should go check on Nick."

Brian nodded and stood up from the chair he was in. Another crash was heard, this time accompanied by inaudible yelling.

"Hey Howie?" Brian called out before Howie reached the door. He turned around to face Brian when he heard him call his name. "You think that this will all work out? I mean, the thing with Jim and all...and that we'll be okay?"

"I don't know. I can't answer that, but we have to believe it will, otherwise it won't." Howie said as he sighed. "At least...at least that's what I keep telling myself."

That wasn't the answer Brian was looking for, but he nodded in acceptance anyway. This time, a loud bang broke the silence between them.

"Go check on Nicky, Bri. I can't listen to this." Howie said as he started to walk out of the suite.

The room Brian shared with Nick was pitch dark as he entered. He groped around for the light switch, when he thought it might be better to leave the light off, just in case Nick was still asleep. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, Brian made his way towards Nick's bed. He noticed that there didn't seem to be anyone laying there, causing a felling of panic to come over him.

"Nick? Nicky? Frack?" Brian called out as he patted the bed. "Nick." He called out louder this time. His heart started to race and horrible scenarios from Nick running away, to Nick killing himself ran through his head. He was about to rush out and alert the others, when he heard a quiet sobbing come from behind the bathroom door.

Brian quickly rushed over, but he immediately came to a stop when he realized that the door was locked. "Nick? You in there?" Brian asked awaiting an answer. "Nick. It's me. Open the door." Brian said, trying to force the doorknob.

"No."

"Nick...come on, I just want to make sure you're okay." Brian said, trying to sound calm and soothing.

"I'm perfectly fine, Brian." Nick yelled out, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'm crying in here just for the hell of it. Nothing's wrong. Everything is just FINE!"

"Nick..."

"Leave me alone!!! I don't need you constantly watching me...okay? I don't need you or anyone coming to see if poor old Nicky is gonna be okay!!!"

"I was just trying to..."

"Help? Is that what you were going to say?" Brian was about to answer when Nick cut him off again. "You can't help me, Bri...no one can. Why can't you understand that? Why can't you get that through your head?" Nick said, this time sounding spiteful. "Or are you just plain stupid to get that?"

Brian now felt both hurt and angered by his friend's words. He suddenly felt the urge to break down the door and beat some sense into Nick.

"Open the door Nick!!!"

"NO... Why can't you understand that you can't fix this? I'm not going to be okay...none of us are, and it's all my fault!!! NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BEFORE I END UP KILLING YOU TOO!!!" Nick said, punctuating his words by kicking the door from the inside.

Brian stood paralyzed, staring at the bathroom door in confusion. A part of him felt sorry for Nick, but another part was angry at him. In the end, it was the anger that won out.

"Fine. You got your wish. I'm leaving. That's the last time I'll ever check on you. And to think I was just trying to be a good friend." Brian said, this time kicking the door from his side.

Nick jumped when he heard Brian hit the door, but he told himself that he had to keep his resolve.

"Good!"

"FINE!!! I'm LEAVING. Go to hell, Nick, and don't ever talk to me again." Brian yelled before he stormed out of the room, and before he heard the sobbing come from the other side of the bathroom door.

Kevin slipped into A.J.'s room, and immediately had to dodge the coffee maker that came flying at his head. A.J. paced the room for the next object to break; Kevin took that as his cue to run for cover. He managed to dash over the bed, grabbing a few pillows on his way down over the other edge. He landed on something hard and realized that A.J. had already gotten to the other bedside lamp.

"This isn't supposed to happen!" A.J. yelled out, followed by the sound of shattering glass. He was now breaking the complimentary drinking glasses and coffee mugs the hotel left in the room.

'The dishes should be next.' Kevin thought to himself, and soon enough, the set of china dishes came crashing down next to where he was crouched, holding the pillow over his head.

"It's not fair. It's NOT FAIR!!!" A.J. screamed, pulling the painting off of the wall and breaking it over the upturned table. "He's not supposed to die!"

There was a pause this time. Kevin slowly peaked over the edge of the bed and found A.J. pacing the room, looking for his next target, still speaking to himself. Kevin knew this was his chance. The only items left for him to break were the large appliances such as the mini bar, T.V., VCR and stereo. Without thinking, Kevin shot out from his hiding place. He jumped on top of the bed and used it to propel himself towards A.J., where he landed on the floor into a sprint, intercepting A.J. before he could reach the entertainment center. Kevin ran towards him, hoping to build up enough momentum to tackle A.J., but when he finally did reach him, A.J. stood strong. All Kevin could hope for was to hold him in place.

"Get off of me!!!" A.J. shouted as Kevin tried to secure a firm hold on his friend. "Get the FUCK OFF!!!"

Finally, Kevin was able to wrap his arms around A.J. He gripped his left wrist with his right hand and held him tight. A.J. bucked and writhed in an attempt to break free.

"Let me go!!!" He shouted, this time kicking Kevin.

"Not until you can calm down." Kevin said over A.J.'s protests.

Slowly, A.J. began to weaken and give up. When he stopped moving, Kevin loosened his grip, but was suddenly caught off guard when A.J. screamed once again. He found himself being propelled backwards. Kevin tired to regain his balance, but was too late. His back crashed into the wall A.J. was using all of his strength to push him towards. The impact caused him to let go, but not before A.J. slammed into Kevin's stomach and chest.

Kevin fought the urge to black out as the wind was knocked out of him.

He immediately tried to refocus, hoping A.J. hadn't gotten too far. His breathing was ragged as he fought to focus and scan the room. He found A.J. on the other side, once again screaming, "It's not fair," before smashing the television set.

As soon as he heard the crash, Kevin stood once more with the same intentions. He charged towards him and this time was successful. He found himself on top of A.J., who was now face down, both arms trapped behind his back, sandwiched between Kevin and the bed.

"Get off of me!!!" A.J. kept screaming.

"Not until you calm down." Kevin forcefully yelled into his ear.

A.J. tried everything to break free, but Kevin was determined to hold him in place this time. A.J. kept thrashing and screaming as Kevin held him down. Soon, Kevin noticed A.J.'s bucking was beginning to weaken and his voice was growing more and more defeated. He was glad A.J. was finally exhausting himself, but still he kept up his guard. Soon enough, A.J. stopped, but this time only because he was crying. Kevin was too shocked to hear the muffled sobs and A.J's hoarse voice still repeating...

"It's not fair."

When Kevin finally removed his weight, he was able to turn A.J. over. What he saw broke his heart. A.J.'s eyes were blood red, tears streaming down his face, mingling with the mucus from his nose and saliva from his open mouth. He could hardly believe that this was the same person smashing the television set a few moments ago. Kevin quickly held A.J.'s limp body against his. He fought back his own tears as he rubbed A.J.'s back and held his head, trying to comfort him.

"Shhhhh...It's okay. It's gonna be alright."

"It's not fair...He's not supposed to die...he's too young..." A.J. said repeatedly through tears.

"I know. I know."

"We're not supposed to burry our friends...We're not supposed to..."

"Shhhh...I know, A.J...I...know..." Kevin said, finding it harder and harder to fight back his own tears. He was now holding onto the last remnants of his strength by a thin thread, weighed down by loss, grief, and pain. He felt his throat closing in on him.

"I miss him." A.J. whispered, finally severing that thread Kevin held onto with dear life.

Well...what'd ya think??? I'd love to know!!! Drop me a line!!!

Is anyone still reading out there???

I wanna hear from all of ya reading this. I wanna know what you really think, and I'm kinda curious as to where you think the story is going, or where you'd like it to go.

rtstories@hotmail.com