Because I Love You

Author's Note:

Alright folks...here's chapter 17...and only a week and a half after posting 16...OH YEAH!!! No promises on 18 though... :)

It seems that I've angered some readers with Ewan's death in the last chapter. Some have asked for explanations, I thought I'd give a blanket one here, but all I can say that it's a part of the story...it's a part of Nick's story. It wasn't done maliciously or without intent...everything has its purpose. The next chapters should hopefully show that...so till then...hope you keep reading.

I gotta keep you guessing, right??? It'll all come together if ya stick with me...promise!!!

E-mail me at: rtstories@hotmail.com

Legal Disclaimer:

This work is purely fiction. It is purely derived from the mind of the author and in no way dictates the sexual orientation of any of the Back Street Boys. Only in my mind do I truly believe they're gay, and in love with me. Any similarity to real life, or to someone's life, is purely coincidental. It contains homosexual subject matter. If you're not into that, why not??? Gay porn/erotica is way hotter than heterosexual porn!!! Do not read any further if you are under the legal age for viewing this material in your country, state, province, city, town, suburb, home, shack, hole in the wall, cardboard box, van down by the river, trailer home, room, or dormitory at Hogwart's School of Witches and Wizards, or closet.

End of Chapter Sixteen

"Please God...please don't let him die." A.J. said, as he heard someone sit next to him. His heart began to race as he sat back down.

"Alex." Kevin solemnly said, as it was all that needed to be said. A.J. broke into tears.

He knew.

Kevin felt A.J. lean into him and he placed his arm around his shoulders. He let A.J. cry freely, as did he, finally finding comfort for the first time that night.

To my one true Angel...you're both an inspiration to my life, and to this story...

Because I Love You By: Lucas

Chapter 17

"Hmmm..." Howie said as he worriedly checked his watch. "Shouldn't they be done by now?"

"It's alright. Charlie runs over sometimes depending on how it's going." The nurse said, trying to ease Howie's mind.

"Does that mean it's going well then?"

"I hope so, but it won't do you any good to worry about it. He'll be out soon." She assured him. "Here, have another cookie."

"Thanks." He said with a smile

"I don't remember much from the next few days. We left Michigan the very next day, and I didn't even get to say goodbye to Jim. I just remember having to rush out of the hotel that next morning. I wasn't sure why we had to rush out of there. Everything just seemed to happen all at once, and at lightning speed, when all I wanted to do was crawl back underneath the covers and stay there forever.

"Of course that wasn't allowed to happen. I guess I could understand now why everything happened so fast. The guys were all just trying to keep themselves busy doing anything to not think about the accident or keep their minds off of the funeral, but I couldn't do that. It was all I could think about.

"I found out too, later on, why we had left Michigan so quickly. I wasn't happy about it, actually, I was pissed, but I guess it made sense. At least I think it did."

Kevin sat in one of the chairs in Marc's hotel suite, drinking coffee.

They left the hospital and had gotten back to the hotel only a few hours ago. They rode in silence, each one just trying to take in, and make sense of, all that had happened. When they got back to the hotel, they all parted in the same way...lost in silence.

A.J. and Howie went back towards their rooms in hopes of sleeping, escaping the nightmare they found themselves trapped in. It wasn't even a half an hour later when A.J. walked down the quiet, empty hotel corridor, and Howie heard a knock on his door. He opened it to find A.J. standing there, asking if he could sleep in his room for the night. He didn't want to be alone, and for that matter, neither did Howie, so he welcomed him inside.

Brian naturally brought Nick back to his room, refusing to leave his side ever since they left the hospital. He helped Nick out of the soiled and smoke scented clothes that clung to his body. He had asked Nick if he wanted to take a shower before he went to sleep, but he refused, only wanting to go to sleep. Brian changed out of the clothes he was wearing and joined Nick in his bed. He asked Nick if he wanted him to sleep in the other bed, but he refused, welcoming Brian into his.

They lay side-by-side, just as they had done so many times before, when Brian heard Nick call his name.

"Brian?"

"Yeah, Nick?" Brian answered as he lay staring at the ceiling.

"Do you mind if...I mean could you..."

"You mean like old times?" Brian asked finishing Nick's thought.

"Yeah." Nick answered quietly, as he turned away from Brian. Soon enough, he felt an arm wrap around his waist and intertwine with his fingers. This was what usually happened when either of them couldn't get to sleep. As soon as Nick felt the warmth of Brian's body envelope him, Brian felt Nick's body shudder against his, as he started to cry. Brian wrapped his arm tighter against Nick, holding him close, and kissed his shoulder blade. He laid his head next to Nick's and held him close, until he fell asleep.

Kevin set Jim up in his hotel room, after convincing him that it didn't make any sense for him to go back to the fraternity house at that hour, and that he didn't mind him staying in his room. After Jim was settled, Kevin walked over to Marc's suite, where he found himself now. They had spent the time talking and at times in silence. This wasn't unusual for either of them, because they'd sometimes seek out each other's company to have these late night talks, when they needed to be around someone older.

"So what are we gonna do?" Kevin asked Marc.

"I don't know. I mean, I never thought of anything like this happening. It really isn't something you prepare for."

"Who does though? No one ever starts out making friends and then wondering when they're gonna die."

"That's true." Marc said solemnly, his thoughts still on Ewan. "I guess we do what we have to. In a couple of hours, I have to take Brian, Nick and Jim down to the police station. That's the first thing, I guess. The cops will need their statements to find the bastard that did this." Marc said, as Kevin nodded gravely.

"Should we tell the higher-ups first?"

"Yeah. We're gonna have to. The guys will need lawyers and I need to give everyone enough time to figure out what to do before the press finds out, but I want all of us here to be set first, before I go ahead with anything."

"We should get all the guys together."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking."

"I'll go get them then." Kevin said, as he started to get up from the chair he was in.

"It's alright. They just got to bed a few hours ago. Let them sleep in for a while. You ought to get some sleep too. It won't do you or us any good if you're falling asleep on your feet."

"Should we really put this off? What if this gets out?"

"It'll be fine, I think. A few more hours isn't gonna matter. Besides, no one saw Brian and Nick at the accident scene, so I doubt anyone's talking about it. That was a smart thing that kid did. It bought us some time."

"Yeah. Jim seems like a good guy. I feel bad for him cause he's Ewan's roommate and they were pretty close from what I hear. It'll be tough for him to go back home to their place."

"Yeah. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for him and Nick." Marc said, followed by a silence. "Why don't you take one of the beds and get some rest."

"Alright." Kevin said as he walked towards the bedroom. "Marc?"

"Yeah, Kev?'

"Let's make sure Jim's taken care of too, okay?"

"No problem. I'll make sure he is." He said with a smile.

A few hours later, they were all seated in the living room of Marc's suite. After waking Kevin, Marc went around to each of the rooms to gather everyone else.

"Where's Nick?" Kevin asked, as he walked into the living room.

"Brian says that he just got to sleep a little while ago, so we thought it'd be better if he slept in." Marc answered.

"Shouldn't he be here?"

"I'll just fill him in later, Cuz. I think it might be better if he doesn't have to sit through this." Brian said, as Kevin nodded and took a seat next to him.

"I just wanted to get all you guys together and tell you what's going on before we go ahead with anything." Marc said tiredly. Kevin could tell that he hadn't gone to sleep at all that night.

"After I explain this to management, they're gonna need time to do some spin control, prepare press releases, legal counsel and whatever else it is that they need to do, cause this is gonna get out. The press will be all over this story when they find out you guys are involved, that Ewan saved Nick's life, and especially when they find out that all this happened because Nick was drunk, not to mention the fact that he's underage." Marc explained to the sullen group. The usual fiery excitement was absent from his voice that morning.

Brian was glad he insisted on letting Nick sleep in, after hearing Marc coldly lay out the facts. He knew that it needed to be done though. That was how the public was going to look at the accident.

"Friend dies saving BackStreet Boy." What a headline that was going to be, Brian thought to himself, knowing everyone was thinking the same thing.

"What about that bastard who hit him? Aren't you forgetting that this was a hit and run? He's just as much to blame for this as Nick." Kevin said.

"We're not blaming anyone." A.J. answered back. "Least of all the kid. Don't you think he's been through enough already? He doesn't need your ass reminding him that it was his fife that Ewan saved. I'm sure he knows that already, and knowing Nick, he won't forget it. He'll let it eat him up from inside, rather than forget about it." A.J. explosively stated.

"I didn't mean it that way." Kevin quietly responded.

"Alright you two. We don't have time to argue about this right now, but you're both right." Marc said, looking from A.J. and then to Kevin. "The cops need all the info they can get to find that driver, that's why as soon as I get you guys legal counsel, I have to take Brian, Jim and Nick down to the precinct." Everyone was quiet as they listened to Marc and as they thought about the meaning behind his words.

They sat silently until Jim's voice interrupted their thoughts.

"No. You don't."

"Everyone's gaze turned towards the unfamiliar voice. They were all so preoccupied with their own thoughts that they had forgotten he was there.

"I have to take you guys down. I told that police officer I would last night."

Jim felt uncomfortable as they waited for him to respond, but he knew he had to do this. He decided it last night.

"I'm the only one they want to talk to. I'm the only one who called the police. I'm the only one who was there with Ewan when they got there. As far as they know, it was only Ewan and me last night. There's no need for Brian and Nick to get involved."

"But we are involved." Brian spoke this time. "Nick was the one Ewan pushed out of the car's way."

"Yeah, but they don't know that. I could just tell them it was me in the street and Ewan pushed me out of the way. It doesn't have to be Nick."

They all continued to stare at him, not believing what he was saying, but at the same time giving his thought a chance.

"You can't do that. What happens when they find the asshole that did this? How are you gonna explain it when he has to testify? And what if someone saw you guys? It's not gonna corroborate your story." Howie said. "We should just go with the truth and deal."

"I thought about that already. If they do find the guy, he's not going to point out that there were four people there last night. That'd be a stupid thing on his part to add on two other people to say he did it. Besides, I doubt he could even see Brian and me off to the side. He was going too fast. I doubt he had time to look around." Jim explained, clearly showing everyone that he indeed had already thought this all out.

"And there was no one else around who could've seen us. We were on a deserted road. It's surrounded completely by trees. No houses. It's a shortcut the students use to get from the clubs to campus, but I'm pretty sure no one was there." Jim finished as he turned towards Brian.

Everyone followed his gaze and questioned Brian silently with their eyes.

"I'm pretty sure no one was around either." Brian hesitantly said, wondering why they were even entertaining this thought.

"I don't know. It's too risky."

"I'm with Howie on this one." A.J. added.

"It is risky," Jim answered, "but it's the only choice you've got. You have to risk it. This way, the media won't find out. It's your only way out. Your careers will be over if they find out Nick was drinking underage and then was the cause of someone's death." Jim confidently said, knowing those words would hit a nerve. "Not to mention it'd be the end of Nick."

"Why do you people keep blaming Nick?" A.J. asked again.

"I'm not blaming Nick." Jim responded. "I'm just giving you the worst case scenario."

"NO. The worst case scenario is going with your plan and THEN having someone come forward to place Nick and Brian at the scene with you." A.J. said. "Then we're really fucked. We'll look like liars, not man enough to admit to the truth."

"Yeah, but truth or no truth, when this gets out...It's all over for you anyway. Think of what will happen to your careers if you decide to just go and tell everyone the truth, or if they find out later on. Either way, you're screwed. At least if you take this risk, there's a chance it'll work and you can go on as the BackStreet Boys. Don't fuck up what you've been give, or what you've worked hard for just cause you won't take this risk." Jim said pointedly.

"We've already fucked things up." Kevin said dejectedly.

"You know what? You're right." A.J. said sarcastically. "Your plan can work, but why the hell stop there? Since we're gonna be lying already, why don't we just say it was Ewan standing drunk in the middle of the street? Hell, then that way you don't even have to be involved. Why ruin your life when we can all get off scott free? Why do you have to be the martyr when we can just blame it on the dead guy?!?" A.J. spat out, as he stared at Jim.

"Cause I'm not about to let Ewan die that way." Jim responded, trying to contain his anger." I don't want people to remember Ewan as some guy, standing in the middle of the street, too drunk to even notice a car coming at him.

"You call yourself his friend, and now you sit there, willing to let him die like that...as some drunk!" Jim said, shutting A.J. up. "He died saving someone he cared for...Someone he called his friend...Your fucking friend for chrissakes!" Jim continued, this time his anger slipping through.

Everyone sat stunned and silent after hearing Jim's passionate words. Jim took some time to collect his thoughts and to calm himself down.

"There's no way I'm gonna let him be remembered that way. He died being a good friend. He died as a hero...not some drunk. If ever you were even his friend, you wouldn't let him be remembered that way either." Jim said. "If he was the one sitting in that chair right now, he wouldn't even have the gall to think about what you just said."

"Who the fuck do you think you are, coming in here and judging me like that? You don't even fucking know the first thing about me, or my friendship with Ewan. You don't even know us. Why are you even trying to help us?" A.J. angrily said. He was about to say something else, when Kevin stepped in.

"That's enough. The both of you, just stop right now. We're not doing ourselves or Ewan's memory any good by arguing with each other." Kevin said, looking between Jim and A.J. "But A.J. does bring up a good point." He added, turning to Jim. "Why are you willing to help 5 complete strangers?"

Jim thought over Kevin's question, before he answered. Everyone waited expectantly as Jim sat there.

"Well, first of all, I'm not doing this just for you. I'm doing this for Ewan. He's more than just my best friend..." Jim said, and then paused to look directly at Brian. They shared a look of understanding as they shared the secret that Jim was in love with Ewan. "...he was my brother. And I know he wouldn't have wanted his dying to ruin what you guys have. He loved you guys too much to let that happen. I'm just doing what he would do if he was the one faced with this decision.

"And you guys aren't as complete a strangers as you think. Ewan talked about you guys enough, that I feel like I was the one who knew all of you...like I was the one who was friends with you.

They all still held skeptical looks on their faces, so Jim went on.

"I know about that one time he snuck Nick out to a club when you wouldn't let them go with you, Kevin. And I know about that vein of yours that pops out when you get really mad, because Ewan told me how red your face was the next day, and how it was throbbing the entire time you were yelling at them." Jim said, looking at Kevin, watching his face soften at the memory.

"I know about how Howie can't stand to have his food touch each other when he eats. I know about the one time all of you were at a formal dinner, and how Ewan pushed all of his food together and switched plates with you when you weren't looking." Jim told Howie. "He told me about that sad look on your face as he taunted you while he ate from the separated food on the plate he took from you."

"I remember that." Howie added. "I had to watch everyone eat that night, throughout the whole dinner. I was so mad at him, but..." Howie continued, but Jim cut him off.

"...But he felt so bad that he ended up giving you his dessert that night."

"Yeah." Howie said amazed.

"I know about A.J. talking in his sleep, and I know more than enough about Brian and Nick." Jim explained. "You were all just names to me, until I finally got to put a face to those names this weekend. I also got to know the two of you personally." Jim added, looking back at Brian.

"If anything, I'm also doing this cause after this weekend, I think of Brian and Nick as my own friends...especially Nick. He's gonna go through a lot of shit after this. Ewan gave up his life for him. The least I can do is let him keep it along with everything he loves." Jim said, once again looking at Brian, but this time not seeing any sign of understanding. "If you do this, Nick will get to keep his music and he'll still have you guys. He'll need it to get through this hell."

A.J. rolled his eyes at Jim's speech, still skeptical about his generosity and intentions.

"OH PLEASE!!!" A.J. said out loud.

"A.J." Kevin said sternly.

"What? You actually believe this? Big deal. So he knows a few things about us. We probably said all that stuff in some interviews he pulled from the net. This is probably his golden opportunity right here."

"I don't think so, A.J." Brian said annoyed.

"Oh, come on, Bri. How do we know we can trust him?" A.J. said, eyeing Jim. Everyone grew quiet at A.J's question, partly from shock and partly from intrigue. They thought the same thing, but were too ashamed to ask.

"You know what?" Jim said. "He's right. You can't trust me. You guys barely even know me. To you, I must be some guy who was at the right place at the right time, waiting to cash in."

"Come on, Jim. We don't think that." Brian interjected.

"Naw. It's alright. I don't blame A.J. for thinking like that. I probably would too if I was in his shoes. All I can say is that Ewan trusted me enough to be his friend, and he did the same with you guys. I trust Ewan's judgment. I know how selective he is about who he truly calls a friend and who he let's get close enough to him, for him to let you in.

"I trust him. He trusted you all enough to call you his friends. Otherwise, I wouldn't even think about doing this. I trust him, and I guess it's just up to you guys to ask yourselves the same thing. That's how you know you can trust me."

They were all thrust into another silence by Jim's words. They thought about what he had just said and how convincing he was. He was right, but it just seemed like what they were considering to do was so wrong.

"Whatever." A.J. said, breaking the silence. "I don't want any part in this decision." He said, as he stood up and started walking to the door.

"Just let me know what you decide. I don't care."

"A.J." Kevin called out, as he started to go after him, but he had already made it out the door.

"Let him go." Brian said, causing Kevin to look at him in shock. "You heard him. He said he'll go with whatever we decide, so let's decide. I don't want Nick waking up alone."

Brian didn't even bother to look at him as he spoke, and his voice was so cold and tired. Kevin sat back down in his chair. "So what do we do?" He asked defeated.

They looked at each other without saying a word. Brian sat stoically, Howie confused, Marc in deep thought, and Kevin lost as Jim sat awaiting his fate.

"Can you give us a sec to talk about this?" Marc asked Jim.

"Yeah. Sure. I guess I'll just go back to Kevin's room if that's alright."

"Of course." Kevin said, as he searched his pockets for his key card.

When he found it, he handed it to Jim who gladly accepted it.

"So...What now?" Kevin asked, when Jim left the room.

"He makes a lot of sense." Marc answered.

"I don't know." Howie said unsure. "Can't we just deal with the truth?"

"We can." Kevin answered, "But we don't know what will happen. We could either get through it okay...or we may not."

"What about Nick?" Howie asked.

"What about him?" Brian asked.

"Doesn't he get a say in all this?"

"I don't think he's even in any condition to decide what to clothes to wear, let alone deal with something this big."

"I think we may have to decide for him." Marc added. "Cause Jim's right about one thing."

"What's that?" Kevin asked.

"I don't think Nick will be able to deal with it all if he ends up losing his career, or worse...you guys...on top of what's already happened."

"What are you talking about?" Brian asked. "No matter what we decide, he's not gonna lose us."

"You can't guarantee that." Marc answered. "I know what something like this could do to a band. I've seen it happen before, despite how strong you guys think you are."

"Then we've got to do it. We've gotta do it, at the very least, for Nick. We've gotta take this chance. What do you think, Kev?"

"It doesn't look like we have much choice. Howie?"

Howie remained quiet as he heard Kevin call his name. He thought about all that had happened, about what Jim had said earlier, about Nick, and he couldn't believe they were about to do this. Howie liked thing to be plain, simple, and honest. This was the total opposite of everything he believed in, but he still found himself saying "yes."

"Yeah. It's the best way for us to heal and move on." He answered meekly.

"Then it's settled. I'll make all of the arrangements and then talk to Jim about it." Marc said.

"Do you mind if I talk to him?" Kevin asked.

"Alright, I don't see why not."

"What about us?" Howie asked.

"Well, the logical thing to do is to just keep going on as planned. We're still scheduled to leave in a few hours, so I guess we should just start packing. We'll figure things out more when we're on the road."

They all felt weird just leaving so suddenly. It just didn't feel right. Nothing felt right anymore.

"I'm gonna go back and pack then." Howie said.

"Me too. I'll go get Nick ready too. I wanna make sure he's okay." Brian added, as he left the room with Howie.

"Well...I have to say I didn't expect any of this to happen." Marc said to Kevin.

"I don't' think any of us did. I guess we just roll with it."

"Yeah." Marc answered, the uncertainty showing through his voice.

"You think we're doing the right thing?" Kevin asked.

"I know you don't pay me to say this, but I'm not sure. I do think it's the only thing we can do that will cause the least damage. A lot of what that kid said made sense. I can't believe he came up with it all on his own. As much as I hate them, I think he'd make an excellent PR guy."

"Yeah. I was just thinking the same thing. He's a good friend too. No wonder Ewan liked him so much."

"That boy did always have good taste, even though he had a knack for causing trouble." Marc said with a laugh.

"That's definitely something I'm gonna miss about him." Kevin said solemnly. "I'm gonna go talk to Jim and then get ready."

"Okay. I'll go see if I can find A.J. and let him know what's going on. We leave in two hours then."

Kevin crossed the hall and opened the door to his room. He wasn't at all looking forward to telling Jim that they had decided to go with his plan. He thought it strange that he hadn't felt relief at all, like he was supposed to, but instead he felt dirty. He was having trouble getting past the fact that he...NO...THEY were all now a part of a huge lie, even though this "lie" was going to save their careers. To top it all off, they were also about to entrust their livelihoods to someone he only met once. That made Kevin even more uncomfortable.

Once again, he could feel the onset of a panic attack. His uncertainty was the cause this time. He was about to turn back, when he forced himself to calm down. He went through the steps his doctor gave him when he was younger, and as quick as it came...it was gone. He was breathing normally again, as he continued into the room.

'Why does it always have to be me?' Kevin questioned himself. 'Why do I always put myself in these positions?'

He found Jim standing on the balcony, in the cold morning air. He stepped through the thin veil of a curtain that the wind was blowing into the room.

"Jim?" Kevin hesitantly said, as he stood next to him along the railing.

He didn't respond, but instead took a drag from the cigarette he was smoking and tossed it over the side of the balcony.

"Those will kill ya you know?" Kevin said, not able to help himself.

"It's gotta happen sometime." He answered and looked directly at the older man. "Have you decided?"

"Yes." Kevin answered, suddenly not able to look Jim in the eyes. 'How do you deliver someone's death sentence? Especially one that's not meant for him?' Kevin asked himself, knowing that what they were about to do was exactly that. "We're gonna go with your plan."

Jim's face remained stoic as he listened to Kevin's words. In reality, he was both shocked and scared. Although he was the one who came up with the idea and knew what it would mean for him, a part of him still felt unsure about it. He played the role of the reluctant hero, but couldn't show that side of him to Kevin.

"I'll understand if you've changed your mind."

"It's not that. Everything just hit me all at once there. I haven't changed my mind."

"You sure?" Kevin asked, needing to know for his own sake. "You do know what you're getting yourself into, right?"

"I know. I thought about it all last night. It'll be for the best."

'I hope so.' Kevin thought to himself. "Well, I think Marc's setting up some of our lawyers for you to go down to the station with. After that..."

"You don't need to do that. Actually, I don't think that'll be a good idea. All of you ought to put as much distance from this as you can. It'll be safer that way."

"But..." Kevin tried to argue.

"I'll be fine. When my dad finds out, he'll have our lawyers down. You guys should stick to your schedule like nothing's happened. That way, no one will suspect anything."

"How do you know so much?" Kevin asked amazed.

"My dad runs a big PR firm, so I've been around the block a few times.

I used to spend summers working for him. I didn't like it, but I managed to learn a few things."

"That's cool." Kevin said, intrigued by Jim's story, wanting to hear more, but knowing they were running out of time. "We're leaving in a few hours...so I kinda have to go."

"Sure. I understand."

"If there's anything I can do..." Kevin started to say, "...I mean if ever you need anything..."

"Well, there is one thing. I kinda need a ride back to my place." Jim said sheepishly.

"That's all? I was thinking more along the lines of one of our first born children." Kevin joked.

"Not necessary. A ride will do."

"I'll set it up with Marc."

"Thanks."

"No, we should be the one thanking you. You're saving our asses by doing this."

"Well...Just promise me that you'll help Nick get through this okay, and we'll call it even. He's a good kid."

"I know...and I promise."

Well...what'd ya think??? I'd love to know!!! Drop me a line!!!

I wanna hear from all of ya reading this. I wanna know what you really think, and I'm kinda curious as to where you think the story is going, or where you'd like it to go.

Quick Story Recommendation:

One of my favorite stories has a Part 2. Go check out "Forever" and "Equilibrium" by DJ. "Forever" was one of the first stories I got into before I started writing and it's awesome. DJ's also really cool cause he helped me develop BILY in the early stages...so he definitely had a hand in what it's become today!!!