Because I Love You

Author's Note:

Well here goes nothing. This is my first story for all to read. Hopefully you'll find it interesting to say the least, and keep up with it. All of your comments and criticisms are appreciated. Please let me know what you think of the story.

E-mail me at: rtstories@hotmail.com

Well...Here it is folks...the beginning of the end of Part I to BILY...this is where all the excitement starts!!!

The next few chapters should be out sooner than the previous ones.

Okay...I'm trying something new here with the story. I'm a huge fan of soundtracks. I've decided, with the help of J, to try and integrate a soundtrack to these chapters. I'm going to start it off here, and hopefully work my way back to the earlier chapters. If you want to try it out...the website where you can download the songs I thought were appropriate is...

https://www.idrive.com/because-i-love-you/files/Shared/

Click on chapters 11-15

When to play the songs:

If it's mentioned in the text and when brackets [ ] appear.

This is something new, so I'd like to hear from ya to see if it works for ya!!!

One last thing:

Someone wrote me, and sent me a story. The file was "horse.doc." If you're reading this...I lost your e-mail, and I want to desperately write you back...so write me back!!! I love the story!!!

Legal Disclaimer:

This work is purely fiction. It is purely derived from the mind of the author and in no way dictates the sexual orientation of any of the Back Street Boys. Only in my mind do I truly believe they're gay, and in love with me. Any similarity to real life, or to someone's life, is purely coincidental. It contains homosexual subject matter. If you're not into that, why not??? Gay porn/erotica is way hotter than heterosexual porn!!! Do not read any further if you are under the legal age for viewing this material in your country, state, province, city, town, suburb, home, shack, hole in the wall, cardboard box, van down by the river, trailer home, or room!!!

End of Chapter Twelve

He opened his eyes and stared directly at Brian again. Nick inhaled a deep breath of cool air, and let out a sigh. Whether it was a sigh of relief or a sigh of the possible impending doom, he didn't know.

"Tomorrow...Tomorrow." Nick said, as his confidence grew.

He stood up from his kneeling position, and turned off the light. The soft glow of the moon quickly replaced the harshness of the lamp, as Nick looked over towards Brian again. He didn't think it possible, but in the glow of the moonlight, an even stronger sense of serenity emanated from Brian.

Nick pulled down the covers to his bed and crawled in. He laid his head on the pillow, facing Brian, and pulled the covers up to his chin. He laid there, and just like many nights before, watched Brian sleep. Nick suddenly realized that he forgot to shut off the radio, but it was too late.

Sleep was slowly taking him away. The last thing he remembered was hearing Steven Tyler's voice fill the room, as he sang the words to "I Don't want to Miss a thing." Nick thought it ironic how perfectly that song described the situation.

The last words that he remembered were from the chorus...

"Don't wanna close my eyes..."

To my one true Angel...you're both an inspiration to my life, and to this story...

Because I Love You By: Lucas

Chapter 13

Nick's eyes shot open, as he came out of his slumber. He was thankful for the exhaustion he felt last night. If it hadn't been for that factor, Nick knew he wouldn't have been able to sleep through the night. Nervousness coursed through his veins. Nick woke up with the knowledge that today would be the day he finally confessed his love for Brian.

As soon as Nick thought of Brian, he hastily turned around from where he lay, to face the bed across from him, where Brian had slept last night. Nick was surprised to see an empty bed. A feeling of relief came over him, but the anticipation was still ever present. Nick thought to himself Brian had probably left for his room earlier in the morning.

Nick closed his eyes and said a silent prayer. He prayed that what he felt in his heart was true, and hoped everything would fall perfectly into place once he told Brian everything.

Nick stood from the bed with a look of determination on his face. He told himself that he had to do this now. If he didn't, he'd never again find the courage he had now. He clenched his fist, closed his eyes, and nodded his head.

"Today's the day." Nick told himself, as he walked over to his suitcase, and pulled out some clothes to wear. He walked into the bathroom, knowing that he was minutes away from finding out exactly what fate had in store.

The door behind him clicked shut, as Nick walked into the hallway. He was greeted by the deafening silence of the hotel's hallway. The only sound was the monotonous hum of the air conditioning, and the pounding of his heart. He took a deep breath, as he turned and focused his sights solely on Brian's door.

There was no turning back. Nick purposely left his room key inside the room that just locked him out, sealing his fate. He knew himself well enough to leave him with no chance to change his mind, and to turn back. He took in a deep breath. It was his body's way of telling him that in his nervousness, he had forgotten to breath. His vision seemed to blur as he began the long journey to Brian's room...to his future.

While he was in the shower, Nick rehearsed exactly what he wanted to tell Brian. He had pictured it, and ran through every possible scenario. He was used to it by now, because it was the only thing he thought of ever since he realized he had fallen in love with his best friend. Nick had planned out everything in his mind. He had an answer prepared for every possible question he thought Brian would ask. He planned for anything that could possibly happen, from Brian rejecting him and running out, to Brian breaking down in tears. He didn't want to leave anything to chance. Nick rehearsed everything in his head one last time, as he slowly inched his way towards Brian's door.

Doubts suddenly replaced Nick's last minute dress rehearsal. His heart beat even faster, and he could feel himself breaking out into a sweat.

"What am I doing?" Nick asked himself. He contemplated whether or not he was ready to possibly end his friendship over a feeling he had. "Is this right?" He asked himself. Nick wasn't sure if he even had the right to do this to Brian, or to the others.

He was about to turn back when he came face to face with the door to Brian's room. 'I've come this far...' Nick thought to himself. He could only hope that the perfection of yesterday would hold out just until after he told Brian.

"Here goes nothing." Nick said, readying himself for what was to come. He still had doubts in his mind, but it was his heart that spoke loudest at the moment.

"Always listen to your heart...it never lies." Nick could hear Kevin's words of wisdom, as he stood in front of the door.

"I hope you're right Kev. I hope you're right..." Nick said aloud, as his hand made contact with Brian's door. It was the only thing left that stood between him and the answers he sought. Nick laughed at himself, thinking how all of the restless nights over the past few months, and all of the countless hours of soul searching, and beating himself up at every chance he got, came down to this one moment. The final piece of Nick's self-acceptance, laid in Brian's acceptance of him.

The door opened and gave way to Brian's eyes, which Nick hesitantly met. He feared that as soon as he came into Brian's presence, Brian would know something was wrong. Nick quickly broke the lock Brian had on him, and walked into the room. The closeness between them was unbearable.

"So what's up? What do you wanna do today?" Brian asked Nick casually, as he closed the door.

"Whatever you wanna do is cool." Nick answered unenthusiastically, as other thoughts danced in his head, almost to the point of mocking him. He wondered why he was even going to do this. He moved towards the balcony doors, as Brian walked further into the room.

"Um...I guess we could go out to see a movie. This might be the last chance we get to do that before we start promoting the new album." Brian said, as he finished putting on his shoes.

He was intently watching Nick the entire time. Brian was always able to pick up even the slightest alteration in mood, voice, or body language in Nick. This entire time, he knew something was wrong. This was one of the few times their soul connection was tested.

"Yeah. A movie sounds good." Nick said, but thought to himself how much more he'd rather be discussing another topic. He was eager to get his admission over with, but hesitant to even bring it up.

"If you wanna do something else, it's cool. Just say so." Brian said, unsure of how to interpret Nick's change in mood from yesterday. He was eager to find out what was on Nick's mind, but afraid that whatever it was would ruin how far they'd come in the last few months. Part of him hoped Nick's sullen mood would pass, but a stronger part ached to help him.

"Naw...A movie's fine." Nick said, his voice trailed off. He couldn't even bare to look at Brian, when he answered this time.

Brian processed all of Nick's answer, and before he could second-guess himself, he asked Nick the question he feared most.

"Nick...What's wrong?"

Brian's words didn't elicit any response from Nick, even as it registered in his mind. Even the sound of his voice wasn't enough to reach Nick. Nick continued to stare through the glass balcony doors. He looked out into the surrounding city. His gaze never broke, as he stared through a building in the distance, too afraid to turn around.

"Nick?" Brian said. This time Nick could no longer ignore Brian, because Brian's voice was suddenly followed by his touch. It was that touch which Nick constantly yearned for, except this one time. Nick involuntarily tensed. He quickly grew mad at his body's betrayal. Surely now, Brian knew something was wrong. Brian never let go, but instead moved closer. Their closeness was unbearable to Nick.

Suddenly, Nick found himself jerking away, and moving towards the bed, still unable to face Brian. He never thought his "coming out" would be this way. This wasn't one of the scenario's he contemplated. He always envisioned himself being in complete control. He suddenly realized his one mistake.

The entire time Nick rehearsed this life-altering event, he was concerned only with Brian's reaction. He was prepared for any reaction on Brian's part, but not once did he stop and think of his own. He was always sure of how he felt and would react, because he knew his heart was true. Now, his body once again betrayed his heart. He began to think his body and mind suddenly joined forces against what his heart truly desired.

'Is this a sign?' Nick questioned himself, but the only answer he received came from his soul, telling him he had to go on.

With a renewed determination, Nick turned around, but looked at the floor. He didn't care what his body said or did. He was only concerned now with what his heart allowed him to feel, and what his soul told him he needed to do. He slowly brought his head up, and looked at Brian, allowing his soul to speak through his eyes.

What Brian saw scared him. He silently cursed himself for asking Nick what was wrong. He knew whatever was bothering Nick, was caused by him. Nick seldom looked at him in that way, but every time, like clockwork, that look meant that he was the cause of Nick's pain. He saw hints of that same look before Ewan talked to him. He denied it then out of fear, but there was no mistaking it now.

They stood in silence for a few moments, as eternity passed between them, each one trying to find the courage to speak. Brian was the first to break the silence.

"What's wrong?" Brian asked, almost coldly.

Nick wracked his brain trying to find the right way to tell Brian. There was so much he wanted to tell him, but he couldn't find where to begin. Finally, his mind went blank, leaving him with the words, 'Brian...I'm gay...and I'm in love with you.' Once again, his mind betrayed him.

"Nothing's wrong." Nick said, as he turned away. This time, his body was the one that betrayed him.

"Just tell me what's wrong..." Brian said sternly. Please..." He said almost begging Nick to end the torture.

Nick heard the anguish in Brian's voice. He couldn't take it any longer. The conflicting emotions were too much for him to handle. He wanted to get off this roller coaster ride; that was his life. He turned around, still trying to find the right words to say. His mind was still blank. He thought to himself how useless all of the rehearsing he had done was. It was finally time to perform, and here he was with a bad case of stage fright. His only choice was to go with the only thought his brain allowed him to think.

"Brian..." Nick said, and stopped hesitantly. He took a deep breath, hoping to calm himself. Nothing was working. "Brian...I don't know how to say this...I don't even know if there's a right way to say this..." Nick began to ramble on.

Brian held on to every word that came out of Nick's mouth.

"Just tell me Nick." Brian said, trying to stay calm.

"Brian...I'm gay, and I'm in love..."

"You're in love?" Brian interrupted, ignoring Nick's first statement.

"Who are you in love with?" Brian asked before Nick could continue.

"You." Nick said, followed by silence.

There are no words to describe Brian's reaction, or the mood in the room. It was just a moment in time that existed the minute the words left Nick's lips, and then ceased to exist. What came next...was reality.

"Brian?" Nick hesitantly asked, surprised he even found the courage or power to speak.

"I don't know what to say." Brian said, obviously in a state of shock.

"Me neither, but I needed to tell you." Nick said quietly, suddenly wishing he hadn't told Brian. "I'm sorry. Please don't hate me." Nick said begging, and immediately jumping to conclusions.

"Don't be sorry...Don't ever be sorry!!! And, I can never be mad at you." Brian said.

"I love you." Brian said, and then realized "what" he had said; as Nick eagerly looked up at him, joy on his face from hearing those words.

"I...I...I mean..." Brian stumbled for the right words to say. "I mean, I do love you...but I don't love you." Brian said. This time a look of disappointment appeared on Nick's face. As soon as Brian saw Nick's expression, he kicked himself for saying it that way.

"What I meant to say..." Brian said, once again trying to explain himself.

"No...You don't need to explain..." Nick said painfully. "I'm gonna go now." He said as he practically ran to the door, wanting to get away from the mess he caused.

"Nick, STOP!!!" Brian said commandingly, bringing Nick to a halt. He ran to where he was, and stood directly in front of Nick.

"Okay. I'm not saying this right." Brian said, making sure he looked directly at Nick as he said it.

"I'm not mad at you, and I definitely don't hate you, and there's nothing for you to be sorry about. I just need some time to think. I mean, this is all new to me. I never thought..." Brian started to say, but stopped himself, not wanting to say the wrong thing.

"I need time to think, Nick." Brian said, as he thought to himself. "I do want to talk about this, but I want to think about it first. Can I have some time?"

Nick silently nodded.

Brian knew Nick was still feeling down, and what he just said wasn't enough.

"We'll talk about it at dinner. Let's get together for dinner rather than going out today. I'll think about it, and we'll talk. I promise." Brian said, hoping his words would allow Nick to somehow feel better.

'It's better than nothing.' Nick thought to himself, and so nodded his answer.

"Promise me you'll be there, and that you won't not show and close yourself off from me...Promise me, Nick." Brian said sternly.

Nick breathed in and said, "I promise."

"Okay. Meet me here at seven, and wear a suit. We'll go out some place nice."

"Okay. I'll be in my room."

"If you leave, keep your cell on."

Nick half-smiled and nodded.

"I'll see you at seven?" Brian half asked, and half stated.

"Seven." Nick confirmed.

Nick opened the door, and stepped out into the hallway. He walked down towards his room, and when he went to take out his room key, he realized he had left it behind, earlier that morning.

"Fuck." Nick uttered out loud.

He turned around and walked towards the elevator. It quickly came, and he headed for the lobby.

Brian stood mesmerized. He silently stared at the door Nick had just walked out of. Waking himself from the daydream he was lost in, he walked over to his bed, and plopped down. He sat up, and leaned back on the headboard. He turned to the telephone, and picked it up.

As soon as he finished his call, he sat silently, replaying everything in his mind. He had all day to do a lifetime of thinking.

Nick walked back from the front desk, holding a spare key to his room.

He nimbly ran it between his fingers, playing with the small plastic card, in an attempt to relieve some of the nervousness he felt. He passed by the hotel gift shop and an idea popped into his head. There was something there he needed now more than ever.

He walked in and asked the clerk for a pack of cigarettes. When the clerk asked him which brand he wanted, he had to think back on the brand Ewan smoked. After charging it to A.J.'s room, not wanting Kevin to find out, he left the shop and returned to his room.

As he waited in the elevator, his mind slowly regained its abilities to function again. The first thought it registered was confusion. Nick was prepared for joy, relief, and even devastation, but not confusion. He never thought he'd come out of it, even more confused than before. He wasn't sure what to think anymore.

Brian hadn't either rejected him, or talked about him being gay. 'He even said he loved me.' Nick thought to himself. As the doors opened, Nick saw a couple holding hands and sharing a kiss. When they realized someone was in the elevator, the man said they'd wait for the next one. Nick smiled, just as the doors slid shut. Seeing the couple, more thoughts invaded Nick's already crowded head. He wasn't sure if Brian accepted or rejected the idea of having what the couple he just saw had. Everything was left open, and Nick found himself in limbo. He wasn't sure how to feel about it.

As he opened the door to his room, he knew he needed to talk to someone. He rushed over to the telephone and quickly dialed Ewan's number.

"Hello." The voice on the other side said.

"Hi...Is Ewan in?" Nick asked.

"Um...no he's not. He's in class right now."

"Are you his roommate?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Hi. This is Nick, Ewan's friend. You finished the e-mail Ewan tried to write me while he was drunk."

"Oh. Hey, what's up?"

"Nothing much. Just wanted to talk to Ewan. Can I leave a message with you?"

"Yeah sure. Where are my manners?" The voice joked. "Just let me get a pen and some paper." There was some rustling in the background, and then the voice came back on. "Alright, go ahead Nick."

"Just tell him I called and to call my cell when he gets in. If he doesn't get to me, just tell him we'll see him tomorrow when we get there."

There was a short pause. "Got it. So we finally get to meet, huh?" The voice said.

"Yeah. We should be in tomorrow night."

"Cool. Can't wait. Ewan's all excited. We can exchange stories about him." The voice said, followed by a laugh.

"Yeah. I can't wait." Nick said into the telephone. "Well, I should go. I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yup. Take care, bro."

"You too." Nick said, and hung up the telephone.

He lay down on the bed and pulled his left arm towards his face. He looked at his watch, and it read ten-thirty...a long way off from seven.

Nick ran out of the bathroom, dressed only in his boxers. Droplets of water still ran down his built frame. He could feel the coolness of the room hit his exposed skin, as he ran towards the ringing telephone.

"Hello." Nick said into the receiver, slightly out of breath.

"Nick...It's Brian. You getting dressed?" Nick heard Brian say through the telephone. He could tell that Brian was on his cell phone. Nick heard the cars, and wind in the background, as Brian spoke.

"Yeah. Where are you? Shouldn't you be getting dressed too?" Nick asked.

"Actually, that's what I was calling about."

As Nick realized what Brian had said, he started to panic. Nick thought that his greatest fear might be coming true.

"We're still on for dinner tonight, right?" Nick asked hesitantly.

"Yeah. Of course." Brian said confidently. "I wasn't calling to cancel or anything. I was just calling to tell you to meet me at the restaurant. I had to run an errand, so I got dressed early and left, before I got a chance to call and tell you."

"Oh. Okay." Nick said relieved. "Where should I meet you?" Nick asked, suddenly the rush of excitement reentered his body. A smile grew on his face, as he hoped this dinner would be the beginning of a romantic relationship with his best friend.

"Don't worry about where. I set it all up. Just take the limo to the restaurant. The driver already knows where to go. He's downstairs waiting for you, when you're ready." Brian explained.

Nick felt a twinge of discomfort in Brian's words. He didn't like not knowing what was going on, but he trusted his best friend.

"Okay. I'll see you at the restaurant at seven. Should I still wear a suit?"

"Yeah...Suits tonight." Nick heard Brian say. "Oh, I almost forgot. I might be a little late, but I'll be there. I gotta go...I'll see you at the restaurant."

"Yeah. I'll see you then." Nick managed to say before he heard Brian hang up his cell phone.

Nick hung the receiver back onto the base of the telephone. As he walked back to the bathroom, Nick couldn't shake the feeling of discomfort he had. He couldn't understand why Brian was being so mysterious and secretive about everything. He could only hope it was all for the best.

Nick smiled at himself, as his reflection stared back at him in the bathroom mirror. He couldn't help but think how Brian's secretive and mysterious behavior did have an aura of romance about it. He knew Brian was always a romantic. Nick smiled, thinking to himself that this was Brian's way of romancing him. He let the thought linger for a moment, and even basked in its light.

Nick shook his head, telling himself not to get his hopes up. He knew he needed to stay focused, and not get ahead of himself.

"It's just dinner." Nick said to his reflection. "Don't set yourself up for disappointment." Nick finished saying, trying to control his hopes of this dinner turning into a romantic one. Nick continued to look himself squarely in the eyes, when a smile reappeared on his face, followed by a giggle.

"A guy can dream can't he?" Nick asked himself, as he continued to prepare for his destiny with Brian.

Nick Carter walked through the French glass doors of Orlando's finest restaurant. He stood at the entrance in a very expensive black suite, dress shirt, and Italian silk tie to match. His long blonde hair was slicked back behind his ears, and a pair of dark sunglasses covered his crystal blue eyes. It was uncertain whether he wore the sunglasses to protect his eyes from the harsh rays of Orlando's setting sun, or to keep other people from losing themselves in the two hypnotic, blue pools that reflected his soul.

His entrance played like a scene from a Hollywood movie, perfected on the first take. It came natural to Nick. He did nothing special, nor did he need to, to make such a dazzling entrance. His attitude, confidence, and beautiful looks were the sources of the attention he yielded when he entered a room. It was a breathtaking sight to behold, and anyone in his presence felt lucky just being near him, but what kept people coming back was his awe inspiring humility.

What was painted on Nick's surface was a total contradiction of what he felt inside. He was nervous about this dinner with Brian. The uncertainty of Brian's feelings towards him was too painful to even think about.

"Mr. Carter. Welcome back." The Maitre'd greeted Nick. "May I show you to your table?"

Nick simply nodded, and was soon following the Maitre'd. He was led to one of the private dining sections the restaurant housed. He was familiar with the room, as they often used it as a group, when the occasion for a formal dinner arose. Tonight it was just Brian and him who would occupy that room.

He was seated by the Maitre'd, and Nick thanked him.

"Mr. Littrell stopped in earlier, and asked that I give this to you." The Maitre'd said, and handed Nick an envelope that he pulled out of the inside pocket of his uniform coat.

"Thank you James." Nick replied as he took the envelope from him.

"Will you be requiring anything else, Mr. Carter?"

"No. Thank you though. I'll wait until Brian gets here." Nick responded, as the Maitre'd nodded and then left.

Nick stared at the envelope that he held in his hand, and wondered what it was that Brian couldn't tell him in person, but needed to write it in a letter instead. Suddenly, every fear Nick had ever had ran through his mind. He told himself that this was probably Brian's way of rejecting him.

Nick closely inspected the envelope, still unsure of whether or not he wanted to view its contents. He knew it would be devastating to have his worst fears confirmed. He noticed the worn edges on the envelope, and the vertical crease that ran down its middle. Turning the envelope to its front, Nick clearly noticed Brian's handwriting. The name "Frack" was written neatly in blue, across the center of the envelope, but was slightly faded. Nick furrowed his brows questioningly, eager to read the contents. He turned the envelope over, and started to open the flap. He noticed that the only thing that sealed the envelope now, was a small strip of tape on the tip of the flap. He opened the flap, and took notice of the used glue along the edges, as if Brian had sealed the envelope, and reopened it at some point.

Nick pulled out the contents, and unfolded the paper within. He began to read the letter.

January 28, 1997

Dear Nick,

As I'm writing this, everyone's downstairs, including you, at your birthday party. You're probably wondering why I'm not down there with you; it's cause I need to tell you something. I wanted to tell you in person, and I've tried lots of times, but I just can't. I figure if I write it down and just give you the letter, it'll be easier. So, that's what I'm doing right now. I just hope I have the courage to give you this letter with your present. I hope you like what I got you, by the way.

You're probably asking yourself what it is I can't tell you, cause we never have problems telling each other stuff, but this is big. What I have to say might change our friendship forever. You may even decide that you hate me after I tell you, but I know I can't keep this to myself any longer.

It's killing me inside. I wanted to tell you and the guys in person, but I'm afraid of what will happen, and what everyone will say. I'm really scared that this might even break up the group.

So what is it that I need to tell you???.....

I'm gay Nick...and I've fallen in love with you. Please don't stop reading, and just hear me out. I started to have these feelings a while ago, but I guess I've just always known. I tried so hard not to be gay, Nick. I told myself I wasn't, and even dated girls, but then you came into my life, and all of a sudden all these feelings I tried to hide, came rushing back. At first I just wanted us to be best friends, but recently, I've had these feelings that I want us to be more. I've fallen in love with you, Nick, and I so badly want you to love me back.

You probably hate me now, and hate me for telling you all this on your Seventeenth Birthday, but I can't stand it any more. I need to tell you that I Love You.

I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me, or see me after you read this. I just needed to tell you, and see how you feel. I'm sorry. Please don't hate me. I didn't ask for this to happen...It just did.

Happy 17th Birthday!!!

I hope you like the present. I had it made especially for you.

Love Always,

Brian / "Frick"

Nick sat stunned, after reading Brian's letter. He asked himself how he could have missed Brian's feelings for him. He was in awe at how Brian kept this secret to himself for over two years. He could feel Brian's pain as he read the letter, because they shared the same torture of falling in love with your best friend.

Nick felt the emotions swell within him, and he fought valiantly to keep from crying in the restaurant, when he noticed that there was more to the letter. It looked like Brian had just recently written it in, explaining the used glue on the flap, and the tape he noticed earlier.

May 26, 1999

I love you too Nick, and I want us to be together.

Love Always,

Brian

As Nick read the last part, a tear escaped, leaving a track down his cheek, followed by another, and then another, until there was a steady flow of silent tears.

Through his blurred eyes, Nick reread the letter, making sure he read it correctly, and that he hadn't imagined the whole thing. After reading through it several times over, Nick finally managed to convince himself that it was real.

Nick thought back on its contents. He asked himself what Brian had given him for his Seventeenth Birthday. After a few moments of recollection, Nick remembered that it was the gold pocket watch that he only wore on special occasions.

Nick suddenly shifted in his seat, followed by a rush of sudden movement. He reached into his suite blazer and into the pocket of the vest he had on. He pulled out a pocket watch, along with the chain. It was the same one Brian had given him for his Birthday. Nick marveled at its beauty.

He opened it, and read the inscription he had read many times before. Nick remembered how happy he was when he opened the small box it was in, at his birthday party. In it, Brian had inscribed...

To the many times we've shared...

& to the many times we'll share in the future...

Nick thought to himself how Brian always knew they'd be together, as friends or as more...

The inscription now held more meaning for Nick, because he now understood what Brian meant by having those words inscribed on the inside cover. Nick looked at the time, and realized that it was already eight o'clock.

'Brian should have been here by now.' Nick thought, and began to worry.

As he looked up from the pocket watch, he was startled to come face-to-face with Brian's beautiful smile. Brian's hand moved, and from beneath the table, he brought out a single red rose. Nick gladly accepted it, and smiled for the first time that day. He knew from now on, that with the love of his life returning his love, it would only be smiles from here on out.

Nick and Brian rode inside of the limousine in silence. Nick sat staring out the window. He watched the lighted buildings pass by as the limousine sped down Orlando's busy streets. A smile suddenly appeared on his face. He couldn't believe that all of his dreams were coming true. He thought back on all of the lonely, sleepless nights that were plagued with worries, over the past few months. The two of them had gone through so much to be together. Nick told himself how he couldn't have asked for a happier ending.

He turned around in his seat to face Brian, who had been watching him the entire time from across the limousine. The huge grin on Brian's face mirrored the one that was plastered on Nick's.

"What?" Nick asked with a laugh.

"Nothing." Brian giggled. "Can you believe this?"

"No." Nick said, shaking his head. "I can't believe any of this. I'm still asking myself how all of this happened."

"Me too." Brian said, the smile still on his face.

"I can't stop smiling." Nick said, noticing that the muscles in his cheeks were now beginning to hurt from smiling so hard.

"Me neither."

"I feel like I'm dreaming." Nick said.

"If this is a dream, then I don't want to wake up. I've never been this happy in my life." Brian said, unable to break his gaze with Nick. He shook his head in disbelief.

"You have no idea how long I've waited for this, and how badly I've wanted this. I never thought this moment would come." Brian said.

"I have no idea? C'mon, I've been going through the same thing." Nick said, making them both laugh. Neither one of them ever believed the other would return the feelings they were experiencing, when, in reality, they secretly fell in love with each other.

"Two years, Brian?" Nick asked in awe.

"Two years, three months, and twenty-eight days." Brian said, "But who's counting???"

Nick looked at him quizzically, and as he smiled, they both broke into laughter.

"I can't believe you'd actually count it to the day." Nick said, shaking his head in amazement.

"Hey, some things are just important to me that way. Besides, that's only how long ago I wrote the letter, not how long I realized I fell in love with you." Brian said.

Nick suddenly tensed, and his smile slightly lost its glimmer.

"What's wrong?" Brian said, almost afraid to ask.

"Nothing's wrong. It's actually the opposite. Everything's right; even better...everything's perfect." Nick said, as the full smile returned to his face. Brian took notice, and smiled again. He was amazed at how easily seeing Nick's smile was able to erase all doubt and discomfort he had.

"It's just hearing you say that you fell in love with me, amazes me. I mean I hoped that you would, but I couldn't even begin to imagine that it would actually happen. Just hearing you say that makes me feel all..." Nick said, as he tried to find the exact words to describe how he felt. "I don't even know how to describe how I feel right now."

"You don't need to. I know exactly how you feel. When you told me this morning that you were in love with me, I felt exactly the same way. That's why I couldn't talk." Brian said, as they thought over the events of the morning. They laughed at how silly they were.

"And it shouldn't amaze you. You're a great guy. I'm the one who should be amazed at how lucky I am to have you in my life." Brian said, causing Nick to blush. He smiled, glad that he had that effect on Nick.

"You're wrong. I'm the lucky one. I don't know what I did to deserve you, let alone love me." Nick said, this time causing Brian to blush. "And, I AM in love with you, Bri." Nick said.

"Huh?"

"You said ' WERE in love' with you, before. I still am very much in love with you. Nothing's changed since this morning." Nick said, once again causing Brian to turn a deep shade of crimson.

They fell into a comfortable silence, each one content with staring at each other, and still smiling. They were afraid to even blink, because blinking meant one second less of seeing the other person. They were brought back to reality when the limousine suddenly came to a stop.

"We're here." Brian announced.

"Where exactly is here?" Nick asked, finally realizing that he was so engrossed in Brian that he forgot to ask where they were off to. He originally assumed that they would go back to the hotel, but the drive took longer, so Nick knew they weren't anywhere near the hotel they were staying in.

"You'll see." Brian said, just as their driver opened the door, signaling for them to come out.

As soon as the door opened, the cool night air gently flowed into the limousine. 'I know that smell.' Nick thought to himself. He quickly looked back at Brian, who was standing up from his seat. They looked at each other, and Nick smiled again, letting Brian know he knew where they were. Brian returned the smile, silently acknowledging Nick's discovery, and pleased at his decision to bring him there.

Nick turned around, and stepped out of the limousine, followed by Brian. He quickly stretched, his body telling him that he was in the same position for quite some time. Not once did either Nick or Brian realize how long the ride was. At this moment, time had no meaning for the two of them.

To two people who were so much in love, time ceased to exist.

"I'll be waiting in the car Mr. Littrell. Just let me know when you're ready to return to the hotel." The driver said, as Brian thanked him.

He started to walk in the direction of the ocean, as Nick followed. When they reached the sand of the beach, they took off their shoes, followed by their socks, and rolled up each leg of their suit pants. They had taken off their jackets earlier, so there was one less obstacle to deal with. Brian looked over at Nick, who was quickly loosening his tie, and thought it was a good idea to loosen his too. When they were ready, they continued towards the water, feeling the cool night sand envelope their feet as they walked.

They walked in silence for a few minutes. As they neared the water, and moved further away from their driver's prying eyes, they heard the soothing sounds of the crashing waves. When they were close enough to the sea, without getting their feet wet, they turned to follow the line of the coast.

Nick took the shoes he was carrying in his right hand, and switched them over to his left. Without the knowledge of Nick's actions, Brian did the same thing, but instead carried his shoes in his right hand. They took a few steps, each one obviously yearning to do the same thing, but unsure if they wanted to initiate it, when their hands brushed against each other. Almost as if on cue, and without breaking their stride, their hands met, and their fingers intertwined instantly. There was no awkwardness in their actions; all of it came naturally. There was no indication that they were both new to every movement, and every emotion involved in being a couple. The fluidity of their motions indicated that they were a couple of many years, each one knowing exactly what the other wanted or needed at that moment, and the other glad to provide it. That was the nature of their love. They were meant to be.

After a few more minutes of silent walking, Brian led Nick away from the water, and in towards the land. Without letting go, they turned around and sat down on the sand. They looked out into the moonlit ocean, and sat motionless, each one basking in the other's love.

Brian turned, and looked at Nick's face, which glowed as the moonlight graced it with its rays. He sat in silence attempting to memorize the moment he was in. Nick looked on in thought, mesmerized by the beauty that surrounded him. Brian was the first to break the silence.

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm still trying to figure out what I did to get so lucky." Nick said with a sigh.

"I told you. I'm the lucky one." Brian said, as Nick turned to face him.

The scene was set for them to kiss. They each knew what they wanted, but both so scared to attempt it. Brian was the first one to turn away, and Nick followed suit. Neither one was embarrassed at the moment which came to pass. They knew, eventually it would happen, and they knew, they had a lifetime ahead of them, so there was no need to rush. They still held hands, as the two of them looked out into the horizon.

"How long did you know?" Nick asked, still staring straight ahead.

"How long did I know what?" Brian asked.

"You said it was two years ago that you wrote that letter. How long before that day did you fall in love with me?" Nick asked, stumbling on the last words.

"Do you really want to know?" Brian said, slightly laughing at himself. "And it wasn't two years, it was two years, three months, and twenty eight days." Brian corrected.

Nick looked at Brian's profile and laughed slightly. He turned back to the ocean and said, "Yes. Now I really want to know."

"The first time I knew I had fallen in love with you was the day you kissed me." Brian said plainly.

Nick turned to look at him quizzically, but Brian didn't meet his gaze in embarrassment. "When did I kiss you? I don't remember that, and I think I'd remember if I kissed you." Nick asked.

"It was that one Christmas I bought you to that amusement park in Germany. It was our first Christmas away from our families, and you were sad that you couldn't be there with Aaron and your sisters on Christmas. Kevin wouldn't let you go out on your own, and the other guys were too busy doing stuff, and I found you crying in your room." Brian said, as Nick tried hard to remember that day.

"I felt so bad that you were bummed, so I set things up for us to go to the park. You have no idea how hard it was to convince Kevin to let me take you out that day. Remember how back in the day he always insisted on going with us wherever we went?" Brian asked, slightly laughing.

"Yeah. I hated him for that, but I know he was just watching out for me."

"So with his blessing, I went back to your room, and told you that as my Christmas present to you, I was taking you to the amusement park." Brian said as he conjured up that image in his head. "I can still remember the look on your face. God it was priceless." Brian said, and closed his eyes.

"I thought you were gonna explode. You were so excited, and I was so happy to see you smiling again." Brian said, and sighed before he continued. "You were so excited that you hugged me so tight, and kissed me.

From that moment on, I knew I loved you."

Nick looked at him as Brian finished recounting the story. This time Brian turned around and met his gaze. They looked deep into each other's eyes. Brian immediately felt Nick's reaction to his story when he saw a tear roll down Nick's cheek. Before he knew what he was doing, Brian brought his right hand up to Nick's face, wiping away the tear with his thumb, before it had a chance to fall. Nick knew then, Brian would always be the one to take away his pain, and celebrate his joy.

Brian's hand didn't leave Nick's cheek. It stayed there, caressing it ever so gently. Nick shuddered at Brian's touch, yet he felt safe. He closed his eyes and pressed into Brian's hand. Nick yearned for Brian's touch; this time, welcoming the closeness that they shared. Brian leaned in, and Nick felt a warmth upon his lips. He wasn't surprised at the new feeling. In fact, he welcomed it. He welcomed the comfort that Brian was able to give him. Nick parted his lips slightly, allowing Brian to run his tongue around them, allowing him to feel what he had wanted for so long. It seemed like forever, but soon their kiss ended, leaving both of them satisfied, yet wanting more, but they knew they had a whole lifetime to experience everything together. For now, it was enough.

Brian pulled away, and pulled his hand away from where it rested on Nick's cheek. Nick opened his eyes, and smiled. Seeing his smile once again, Brian returned it. They had just shared their first kiss, and it was with their first love. It could not have been more perfect.

"Wow. That was..." Nick started to speak.

"Yeah, It was." Brian answered, followed by a huge grin.

"I mean I always imagined our first kiss, but that didn't even come close."

"Huh?" Brian said questioningly, thinking he didn't meet Nick's expectations.

Nick realized what he said, and quickly tried to explain himself.

"That's not what I meant. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need to work on my imagination more, cause it didn't even come close to that kiss."

Hearing Nick's words, he smiled again, and they fell into a thought filled silence.

"What about you?" Brian asked.

"What about me?" Nick responded.

"When did you first realize that you had fallen in love with me?"

Nick thought for a moment. He never really gave much thought to when he fell in love with Brian, he just knew that he did. Searching for an answer, Nick's expression changed when he found it. Brian saw the change in Nick's demeanor, and once again began to worry.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to." Brian said, trying to ease Nick's mind.

"It's not that I don't want to answer, it's just I never gave it much thought until now. I mean I guess I've always just known. I was trying to think of a time where I didn't deny my love for you, and it just hit me all of a sudden." Nick explained, as his voice started to quiver, because his throat had given way to his emotions.

Brian sensed the change in Nick's state from the pained expression on his face.

"You don't have to tell me, Nick. I know how you feel now and that's all that matters." Brian said, trying to soothe Nick. He brought their intertwined hands up to his lips and kissed the back of Nick's hand, letting him know he was okay with not knowing.

"No. I want to tell you. It's just hard cause I haven't thought about it until now." Nick said, as he turned away from Brian, partly in shame of his weakness.

Brian caught on to Nick's thoughts, and released his hand from Nick's.

He stood up from where he sat, and noticed that Nick hadn't broken his watch on the Atlantic Ocean. He walked behind Nick, and sat down again. He placed his legs on either side of Nick, and motioned for him to lean back. Nick gratefully accepted Brian's tender touch, and leaned into him. Brian placed his arms around Nick. He enveloped him, kissed the back of his head, and laid his chin on Nick's shoulder. Feeling Brian next to him, Nick tilted his head resting it against Brian's. For the first time, he felt safe. He knew he belonged in Brian's arms.

"I knew I fell in Love with you when you had to go in for heart surgery." Nick finally admitted, after a few minutes of silence.

Hearing Nick's words, Brian finally understood why Nick had trouble telling him at first. It was a painful memory. It was a scary time in all of their lives. Brian moved his hands over Nick's chest and placed them directly over his heart, bringing Nick closer to him.

"I was so scared." Nick spoke again. "I thought I was going to lose you." Nick admitted, allowing his body to reflect his emotions. "I didn't want to lose you, Brian." Nick continued and paused.

"I couldn't lose you. When I saw them wheel you out of the room, and down the hall into the surgery room, I knew that I would die without you in my life. I couldn't go on without you."

"Shhhh..." Brian said. "Don't think like that. I came out okay, and I'm right here now. So, no worries okay?" Brian quietly said to Nick.

Nick nodded his head, and continued.

"I was in the room with everyone when they took you away. When I didn't see you anymore, it hit me. I couldn't breathe, and as I looked around at all the people in the room, I felt trapped. I excused myself, and ran out of the room." Brian felt a twinge of pain in his chest. He never knew, or ever thought of what Nick went through during his surgery.

Nick brought his hands up to where Brian's were, and once again, their fingers intertwined with one another, before he continued.

"I didn't know where I was going. I ran down the hall...I just wanted to get out. Kevin followed me all the way outside, where I was finally able to breath again. He came up to me, and I broke down in his arms.

"That's when I knew." Nick finished, and after a few moments, Brian gave him a light kiss on the cheek.

"When you came out of surgery, I was so relieved. When the doctor's said you'd be just fine, I thanked god. I was so happy to hear those words.

I stayed in your room that day till you woke up. The guys wanted to leave, but I told them I wanted to stay. When you woke up, and opened your eyes, I looked straight into them, and knew that I wouldn't love anyone like I love you."

Hearing the last of Nick's words, Brian remembered the first thing he saw when he woke up was Nick smiling at him. He hadn't thought about that day, until now. The memories rushed through him all at once, as he surrendered to his emotions.

"I love you Nick." Brian said into the night.

"I love you too Brian." Nick said. "God, I've waited so long to say those words."

"Me too, and now we have the rest of our lives to say them over and over again." Brian said, tightening his grip on Nick.

"I can't believe we waited so long." Nick said in disbelief. "We could have been together a long time ago, if you only had the balls to tell me." Nick joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"What? Me have the balls? Speak for yourself. You could've done the same thing." Brian said in mock shock.

"Hey. I was the one who did say something, remember. If it wasn't for me telling you today, you'd be on Two Years, Three months and Twenty-NINE days." Nick joked.

"That's true, but I'm glad it happened this way. I don't think it would have quite worked out if I told you on your Seventeenth Birthday. At least this way, the both of us wanted it to happen. We were too young then, a lot has changed in two years."

"Oh, so it's two years now, huh? What happened to the three months and..." Nick said, before Brian cut him off.

"Alright. Enough with the counting. It doesn't matter now anyway. We're together, and that's all that matters."

"Yeah. That's true." Nick said.

Brian couldn't see it, but he knew a smile had formed on Nick's lips.

"So you kept that letter all this time?" Nick asked.

"Yeah. I've always kept it near, just in case I did grow the balls to give it to you."

"I'm glad you didn't."

"Why?"

"Cause reading it in the restaurant today was so perfect. I wouldn't change a thing."

This time it was Nick who knew there was a smile on Brian's face.

They sat silently for a few more minutes, each one trying to remember every detail of the night they finally came together.

"We should head back." Brian said.

"Yeah, it's getting pretty late."

They stood up, and brushed the sand from their clothing. Seeing that Nick was having trouble getting all of the sand off of his pants, Brian decided to help and brought his hand up to Nick's backside, and brushed the sand off for him. Nick was surprised at Brian's touch, and it involuntarily caused a reaction within him. He blushed slightly, and reveled in the fact that they were under the cover of the night. His excitement wasn't as obvious in the moonlight.

They locked their hands together, and walked back to the awaiting limousine. When the limousine was in their view, they separated the physical connection that they shared. They quickened their pace, knowing the faster they were in the safe confines of the limousine, the faster they could physically hold each other again.

Once inside, Brian sat where Nick sat previously was, and rather than moving over to the other side, Nick sat next to Brian. Nick pressed the power lock button, locking the door, and switched on the window lock for the opaque glass between the driver and the cabin. Brian turned on the CD player, and pushed play. He had also thought ahead and set this part of the evening up earlier in the day.

A very sexual love song came over the speakers, as Brian shut off the lights within the cabin. He returned to his seat next to Nick, taking his hand and locking it with Nick's.

When Nick heard the choice of music, and noticed the sudden change in lighting, he chuckled to himself.

"Why Mr. Littrell, are you trying to seduce me?" Nick asked.

"Can you blame me?" Brian asked, as the limousine began to move. The small amount of light that filled the enclosed space from the outside, was just enough for him to see the smile on Nick's face, and the lust in his eyes.

Brian leaned in and pressed his lips against Nick's, this time with more force. Nick gladly accepted, and entered into the passionate kiss. His lips parted slightly, as Brian's tongue entered his mouth fully this time. Nick was glad the ride back to the hotel would be a long one.

"Mmmm....Nick..." Brian managed to say, for the time being, taking his concentration from what Nick was doing to him.

"Yeah?" Nick said, stopping what he was doing, to answer Brian.

"We're here."

"Huh?"

"We're back at the hotel." Brian said, allowing Nick to take note that they were no longer moving. He had been so lost in the heat of the moment, that he hadn't noticed anything else but Brian.

"Oh." Nick said, and then coming to a realization. "Shit!" He exclaimed, quickly looking for his shirt, which Brian had taken off a while ago.

Brian leaned back in the seat across from Nick, and giggled at the sight of Nick rushing to get his shirt back on.

"What are you laughing at?" Nick asked, smiling at Brian, as he buttoned up his dress shirt. "You still have to get dressed too, and I think the driver is waiting for us outside."

"I know." Brian said, lifting his dress shirt off of the limousine floor and putting it on. "I just thought of how cute you looked rushing to get dressed." Brian said as he started to button his shirt. "Plus...I think I like watching you get dressed."

Nick smiled at Brian's comment. "Well there will be plenty of time for that later on, but right now he's still standing out there waiting, and we don't want to give him any ideas." Nick said, as he slipped into his jacket, and fixed his hair.

"That's what the tinted glass is for. We can do anything we want in here." Brian said, giving Nick a seductive look and smile.

Nick shook his head in disbelief. "You're so insatiable." He said, as he moved over in front of Brian, and gave him a quick peck on the lips. He was still having trouble believing that his best friend, and the secret love of his life, was now saying all of the things he's wanted to hear for so long.

Brian moved in for another kiss, but Nick pulled away. Smiling he said, "Uh-uh. Later. We'll never leave this limousine if we start again." He moved back to where he sat, and waited for Brian to finish dressing.

"How do I look?" Brian asked as he finished running his hands through his hair.

"Gorgeous." Nick replied with a dreamy look in his eyes. "How do I look?"

"Like a sexy pop star of an internationally famous boyband." Brian said, followed by a pause. "Kinda like that Justin kid from 'Nsync." Brian giggled, as he was suddenly dodging a pillow.

"You're such a dork. I'll get you for that one later. Shall we?" Nick asked, and saw Brian nod an affirmative. He hit the power button, and soon the door was opened by the limousine driver, letting out all of the heat that had built up within the cabin.

Nick stepped out, followed by Brian, and they both thanked the driver for waiting. They walked side by side, and into the hotel. They walked casually towards the elevator, with no indication of what had happened throughout the day, except for the smiles still painted on their faces.

The elevator doors slid open, and they casually stepped in. They stood a few feet apart, and the elevator doors slid shut. They rode in silence, but since the elevator walls were all mirrors, they stared at each other the entire time.

As the elevator continued it's assent, Brian stared at Nick and seductively licked his lips, and gave Nick a wink. Nick rolled his eyes at Brian, thinking how corny he was being, while at the same time feeling a bit aroused. He decided to join in the fun, and brought the index finger of his right hand up to his lips giving it a kiss. Brian's eyebrows furrowed in wonder. Nick stuck out his tongue and licked the tip of his finger. This time Brian's eyes grew wide in shock. Nick observed his reaction, and decided to take things further. He ran his tongue around the tip, and then stuck his finger in his mouth. Brian giggled, at Nick's suggestive gesture.

Nick then started to slowly move his finger in and out of his pursed lips.

When he was satisfied that Brian understood his message, he returned the seductive wink Brian had given him earlier. Brian blushed a deep shade of red, having to turn away from Nick's gaze in embarrassment. Nick giggled, happy that he had bested Brian in his own game.

The elevator doors opened onto their floor and they walked down the hall together. They stopped in front of Nick's door, since Brian's was further down the hall.

"So is this goodnight?" Brian asked, sadness suddenly filling his eyes.

"That's up to you. I'd like to see what the rest of the night has in store, but only if you want to." Nick responded, leaning back onto the door to his room.

"Well, then how about you meet me in my room in about fifteen minutes." Brian said with a smile, as he brushed his hand along Nick's cheek. Nick nodded in agreement, and placed a kiss on the palm of Brian's hand.

"I'll miss you." Nick said, as Brian pulled away to walk down to his room. Brian smiled at Nick's words, and mouthed the words "I Love You," and continued back towards his room.

"Should I bring anything?" Nick asked, just as he was about to walk into his room.

"Just you." Brian said, causing Nick to blush.

Fifteen minutes later, Nick walked down the hall towards Brian's room.

He walked barefoot, opting to wear as little amount of clothing necessary.

Moments later, Nick arrived at Brian's door and knocked softly, not wanting to alert anyone of their secret rendezvous.

The door opened, and Brian stood there, also barefoot, and without his Jacket and tie. He smiled, and motioned for Nick to come into the darkened room. Once inside, Nick turned around, took Brian into a loving embrace, and kissed him passionately. Years of longing had been released into each of their kisses. Each one releasing the pent up frustration they've built up over the years.

They broke from their kiss, as Brian slipped his hand into Nick's. He led Nick into his room. As Nick came closer to the bedroom area, he noticed for the first time the many candles that illuminated the darkness. Shadows danced around the room, lending a romantic glow to the night. As Nick looked around the room, he also noticed the multitude of red rose petals that lay on Brian's bed. Nick's eyes met Brian's, as he turned around to face him.

"You did all of this for me?" Nick asked.

"Yeah. Of course. You sound surprised." Brian said, with a chuckle.

"Amazed is more like it. You're so wonderful. I love you." Nick said, as they kissed again. When they broke, Nick spoke again.

"There's only one thing missing." Nick said, as he held Brian in his arms.

"What's that?"

Nick let his right arm drop from around Brian's waist, and reached it into his pants pocket. He pulled out a CD, and said, "Music." He released Brian, walked over to the stereo, and placed the CD into the player. Brian watched Nick's movements, taking great care to savor every second of their night together.

Nick returned just as the music began to play. He walked up to Brian, just as Nat King Cole's Voice filled the room. "Unforgettable" was playing in the background, completing the romantic mood Brian had set up.

"I've always wanted to dance with you." Nick said.

"Why? You dance with me every night." Brian answered.

"That's different. We're on stage with three other guys, and we're in front of thousands of people.

"I want to dance 'with' you. Just you and me. I want to hold you in my arms, and feel you as we dance. I want to feel your body against mine. I want to breathe you in as we dance, and I want to know that you love me." Nick confessed.

"I do love you. With all my heart." Brian said as he took Nick's hand, and placed it around his shoulder.

Nick followed suit with his other hand, as Brian wrapped his arms around Nick's waist. Brian held Nick close, and rested his head against his broad shoulder, facing Nick's neck. They held each other and danced the dance they've longed for for so long. From time to time, they'd steal glances at each other, and smile. When a line from the song particularly touched one of them, they'd wrap their arms around the other tighter, letting them know exactly how the felt. They swayed back and forth in each other's arms as the song continued. As the last notes of the song filled the room, Brian pulled away from Nick, and they met in another kiss. This time it was a romantic kiss, reflecting how they felt at the moment. It wasn't heated or rushed, nor was it passionate and filled with urgency. It was an intimate kiss that they shared. It lingered between the two. It was a kiss that expressed their love.

When they broke, Brian took Nick's hand in his, gave it a kiss, and led him towards the bed. He motioned for Nick to sit, and he crossed the room, back to the stereo, to play some romantic music. When the music began to fill the room, Brian walked into the bar area of his room, and produced a bottle of Champagne, and two glasses. Smiling, he walked back to his love.

With an audible "pop," Brian opened the champagne bottle. Nick held the two glasses in his hand as Brian poured the Champagne. When he was done, he placed the bottle on the nightstand, next to the bed, and took one of the glasses from Nick's hand.

Brian raised his glass, his gaze fastened on Nick's eyes; the sapphire spheres that reflected the depths of Nick's soul enraptured him.

He spoke, "To my best friend, my lover, my better half, my everything; to you Nick, you transcend my existence, you are my happiness, I cherish every day, every hour, every moment we spend together... because I love you."

Brian tapped his glass to Nick's without breaking their gaze. Nick had a huge grin on his face, from hearing Brian's heartfelt words. He felt the urge to say something, but before he could speak, Brian was already taking the glass from his hand. Nick watched as he placed both glasses on the nightstand. Brian returned, and stood between Nick's legs, with a seductive smile, and a lust filled gleam in his eyes. He leaned in and pressed his forehead to Nick's, their eyes still watching the other.

"I love you Brian." Nick said. Brian leaned further in, their lips connecting. This time, their kiss was filled with passion and urgency, each one not able to get enough of the other, and wanting more. Brian slipped his hands behind Nick, and tenderly placed one behind his head, and one on his back. He carefully lay Nick down onto the bed.

Nick enjoyed feeling Brian pressed on top of him. He felt complete. Nick brought his hands around Brian's waist, and carefully pulled him closer. Their kiss deepened, and Brian let out a soft moan, making it known that he enjoyed Nick. Nick made his enjoyment well known by the hardness developing in his pants. Brian shifted his body, and in the process, rubbed and applied more pressure on Nick's sensitive area, causing him to break their kiss, and let out an audible moan.

Nick took advantage of their momentary separation to allow Brian the same pleasure he was being given. He tightened his hold on Brian, and rolled him over on the bed. Now on top, Nick purposely shifted, so that Brian could feel the same pleasure he had felt earlier. Nick smiled when Brian moaned; the enjoyment shown on his face. This is what he wanted all along; to love Brian, and to show his love in all forms possible.

Brian opened his eyes to look up at Nick's smiling face; the love and yearning shown through his eyes. A smile formed on Brian's face, matching Nick's. Slowly, Nick brought his face down to Brian's and lightly brushed his lips against his lover's. The kiss didn't last long. It was short, but still good. Nick moved to make contact with Brian's jaw line. He placed a kiss there, eliciting another moan of ecstasy from Brian. He continued his kisses all along Brian's angelic face, until Nick reached Brian's neck. He placed a few kisses in that place, each one more and more filled with passion and urgency.

Brian held his eyes shut; concentrating on every sensation Nick was now giving him. He had waited so long for this moment, and now that it was finally here, he wanted to savor every kiss, every touch, every scent, and every feel of that moment. As Nick worked his magic on Brian's body, he moved his right hand to the left side of Brian's chest so that he could feel his heartbeat. It was racing in time with his. Nick gently laid his hand to rest in that place, telling himself that feeling Brian's heartbeat made this all real.

Brian felt Nick shift above him. He felt the weight on his chest lighten. Startled at the emptiness he felt from no longer feeling Nick's body against his; he quickly opened his eyes to see what was the matter. He found Nick straddling his midsection, a devilish smile on his face. Brian's brows furrowed, and a questioning look came over his face, but his smile still remained.

Nick moved his hands to the top of Brian's dress shirt. He began to unbutton it, wanting to see and feel more of Brian against him. Brian laid his head back onto the bed, but kept eye contact with Nick. When he was halfway down the shirt, Nick stuck his hand inside to feel Brian's chest. Brian shut his eyes closed, and drew in a sharp breath, when Nick lightly grazed over his nipple. Nick lingered there for a moment, knowing Brian was experiencing a sensory overload. When he was done having his fun, he continued to undo the buttons on Brian's shirt. He untucked the shirt from Brian's pants, and removed the last button. The shirt slid along the sides of Brian's body like silk, as it opened to reveal his skin.

Nick marveled at the sight before him. He had seen Brian shirtless, and even naked before, but for some reason, he thought to himself, this was different. It was more intimate. There was love behind each look, and each touch now. For Nick, there were no more stolen glances, or fantasies about what lay before him now. This was real. Everything about what they were doing felt right, and for the first time in months, he was truly happy. Nick leaned down until his lips touched Brian's hard stomach. He placed a kiss on either side of his navel, and when he reached Brian's center, Nick let out his tongue and traced around Brian's little belly button. Brian's response was to let out another soft moan, but Nick knew that wasn't the extent of his enjoyment, because he felt Brian's manhood twitch beneath him.

Nick gently placed kisses all over Brian's body, tracing up his stomach to his chest. He gently sucked on Brian's neck, before tracing his tongue along his lover's jaw to his lips. Nick kissed Brian deeply and full of force. Brian lay underneath, completely under Nick's control. He enjoyed every minute of Nick's exploration, but longed to give the same pleasures back to his lover. Their love was not a hedonistic one. They lived to please the other; content just knowing their partner was experiencing ecstasy.

When their kiss broke, Nick sat up and brought his hands to the top of Brian's pants. He began to undo the belt, but was stopped when Brian placed his hands over his. Nick feared that he may have gone too far and upset Brian. He gave him a concerned look, but was met by Brian's smile, and a lust filled look in his eyes. Brian sat up, and let the rest of his shirt flow from his body. Nick helped him pull it off of his arms, and he sat there exposed.

Brian sat up further, nudging Nick off of him. As Brian sat straight up on the bed, Nick stood in front of him, feeling a bit awkward.

"I want to look at you, Nick. I want to drink you in. I want you to feel what I felt." Brian spoke softly.

Nick felt a bit embarrassed. He was happy to just give Brian all the attention, but now the attention fell on him. He was afraid Brian wouldn't like what he saw when he finally stood naked in front of his love. Nick feared that he wouldn't live up to Brian's expectations. He began to worry, as Brian raised his hands to unbutton Nick's shirt. A look of pain registered on Nick's face as Brian neared the last button. When his dress shirt opened, Brian raised his hands again, and brought them behind Nick's shoulders to pull the shirt over his arms. Nick closed his eyes; not wanting to see the look of disgust he thought would be on Brian's face once he saw him naked. When he felt Brian pull his shirt off, he further winced in pain, and when he couldn't take it anymore; he turned away from Brian, crossing his arms over his chest in an attempt to hide himself.

Nick felt Brian stand up behind him. Brian wrapped his hands around Nick in an embrace.

"I'm sorry, Nick. Did I do something wrong?" Brian whispered into Nick's ear.

Nick shook his head no, but said nothing.

"What's wrong then? Please tell me." Brian pleaded this time.

"I'm ugly." Nick choked out.

Brian was in shock when he heard those words. He let go of Nick, and Nick convinced himself that he shouldn't have been surprised at Brian's reaction. He told himself that he was fat and ugly, and that Brian would never want to make love to someone like him. He felt the tears begin to come up, and he knew soon he'd be all alone, crying to himself, as he's done on many occasions.

What surprised him was when he felt a hand on his chin. Brian now stood in front of Nick. He took his hand and lifted Nick's distraught face.

"Look at me, Nick." Brian commanded, as Nick hesitantly opened his eyes.

When Nick finally looked at him, Brian placed his hands on Nick's crossed arms, and forced them to the side of his body. Nick felt more than awkward standing exposed, as Brian inspected his body. Nick waited for what Brian would say next.

"You're beautiful."

Nick wanted to argue the contrary, but before he knew it, Brian was kissing him, letting him know that he spoke the truth. When they broke, Brian was the first to speak.

"I love you. I don't care what you look like. I love you for you, not for your body, or for what you look like. I love you Nick, I always have." Brian said, and then turned away slightly at his admission.

Nick felt a surge of joy fill his body, when he heard the words his lover spoke. That was why he loved Brian so much, Nick thought to himself. When he saw Brian turn away, he knew it was his turn to let him know how much he was in love with him. Nick repeated what Brian did before, and kissed him deeply. During their kiss, Nick traced his hands down Brian's body, and rested it on top of his pants. This time, there was no stopping him. He undid Brian's belt and pants, letting them fall to the ground around his ankles. Throughout Nick's undressing, their kiss never broke. They continued even as Nick placed his hand over Brian's boxers, wrapping his fingers around Brian's manhood. Nick stroked it a few times, each time eliciting another moan from Brian. When he could no longer hold back, Nick slipped his hand through the flap of Brian's boxers, and made contact with the heat that emanated from his shaft. Nick continued to stroke Brian, and run his finger over the tip, feeling the precum the leaked from his lover, indicating his excitement. Brian continued to moan, as Nick continued his ministrations.

Nick was the one who broke their kiss. As he moved away, Brian's eyes remained shut, and his mouth was slightly agape. He was lost in the moment, as Nick never stopped his stroking, even after they stopped kissing. Nick kept his pace, as he began to kiss Brian's torso once again, tracing all the way down from his hard chest to his taught stomach, until he was finally kneeling in front of him. Brian's eyes were still shut tight, as he reveled in the sensations Nick created, which were all very new to him.

Without missing a stroke, Nick pulled Brian out of his boxer shorts, and replaced his hand with his mouth. Brian gasped at the new sensation; as he felt the heat and wetness of Nick's mouth, replace his hand. A whole new set of sensations overcame him, and his eyes shot open. He looked to upon his lover, as he earnestly worked him over. Brian could feel Nick's lips glide around him, as he entered and left Nick's mouth, and as Nick continuously engulfed him. He could feel Nick's tongue playing with his head, circling and teasing every inch of him. Nick lapped at the head with his tongue; not wanting to waste a drop of the sweet nectar Brian fed him. Brian shut his eyes again, and leaned his head back. He didn't know how much more of this he could take before he needed to erupt. As the thoughts floated around his head, he felt a new sensation where Nick was. He felt Nick stroking him again, but as he gazed upon Nick this time, he found his mouth preparing to engulf more of his body. He felt the sensations rise from below him, as Nick took more of him in.

Brian pulled away from Nick, almost having to tear himself away from his hungry mouth. Brian wanted him to continue, but knew that if he did, he wouldn't have been able to last much longer. Nick looked up at Brian, and saw the seductive looking in his eyes. He knew his lover hungered for more.

Brian lowered himself onto the floor, and met Nick's mouth with his. They kissed, and Brian could taste the slight traces of himself. He gently placed his hands under Nick's arms, and brought him up. Brian guided Nick to the side of the bed. As they stood still locked with each other, Brian hastily removed Nick's belt and unbuttoned his pants. Unlike Nick, Brian brought down Nick's pants, along with his boxers, in one stroke. He gently eased them over Nick's hardness, not wanting to hurt his lover in any way. He lowered himself, just as Nick had done earlier, and brought the rest of Nick's clothing down to the floor with him.

Brian stood again, and moved Nick onto the bed. He sat there, as Brian knelt before him. He ran his hands over Nick's body. He lightly brushed his hand over Nick's torso and over his nipples, running each one in between his fingers. Nick took in several short breaths, as Brian did this.

Brian lowered his hands to Nick's knees, and slowly ran his hands along his inner thighs. Brian saw Nick's member twitch at his touch, and enjoyed giving Nick this pleasure, just as much as he enjoyed receiving it.

When he reached what he had longed for for so long, Brian lovingly wrapped his hand around Nick, and began a slow deliberate stroke, pausing each time he reached the tip to tease Nick's head with his thumb. Nick enjoyed watching Brian pleasure him, just as much as he loved every sensation that Brian was able to give to him. Nick began to writhe under Brian's touch, and he watched as Brian brought his head closer to his member. He grew in anticipation and excitement, as he saw Brian extend his tongue and run it around his head. Nick involuntarily let out a moan at his touch. Soon enough, he felt the heat surround his manhood, as Brian wrapped his lips around his love. As Brian went down on Nick, he took in the manly aroma that emanated from him. He loved the musky scent that Nick possessed, and Brian knew that after this night, he could never get enough. Soon, Nick felt his entire self inside of Brian. Their eyes met, as Brian held only the tip of Nick's shaft in between his lips. He rolled his tongue around it, as Nick brought his hand up to Brian's face. He brushed the back of his hand along one of Brian's cheeks, and laid it to rest behind his head. Nick began to run his hands through Brian's hair, as he enjoyed the love Brian showed him.

A few times, Nick threw his head back in pleasure, and involuntarily bucked his hips, filling Brian with more of himself. Brian would gently graze his teeth along the underside of Nick's hardness. He shuddered each time Brian teased him that way. As soon as Nick felt the familiar sensations begin to well within him, he knew he had to stop his lover before he reached his climax. He wanted to let himself go, but not like this. He sat back up, brought Brian off of himself, and leaned in for a kiss. Their foreheads touched, as they broke their kiss, and lustfully looked into each other's eyes. Nick wanted to speak, and tell Brian how badly he ached for Brian to complete him, but he couldn't find the words. Brian looked into Nick's eyes, and saw the desire burning within them. He understood what Nick wanted, but was hesitant to go that far, their first time together.

"Are you sure?" Brian softly asked. Nick understood what he meant, and melted at the concern he showed.

Nick pulled away slightly, looked Brian directly in his eyes, and nodded. Brian stood from where he was sitting on the floor, and looked upon Nick's entire being. He wanted to be sure this was what Nick wanted, but when he went to ask him again, Brian's doubts swiftly vanished with the smile that formed on Nick's lips. He was amazed at how one person was able to do this to him. He was thankful Nick was the only one who could erase all of his doubts and questions with just one look. Brian silently nodded, and laid Nick back onto the bed with a kiss. This was the moment they both waited for, for so long.

Nick ran his fingers over Brian's stomach, and lowered them until they wrapped around Brian's member. He stroked it a few times, and watched as Brian's face contorted under his touch. After a few minutes of stroking his lover, Nick brought his mouth back to Brian, and engulfed him to the hilt. He was careful to use as much saliva as possible, generously lubricating him in preparation. Brian held the back of Nick's head with one hand, and copied the movements Nick had done to him earlier, lightly touching his cheek, and running his fingers through Nick's hair. Brian patiently waited for Nick to finish, not wanting to rush. He wanted to go at Nick's pace. He didn't want his best friend, turned lover, to feel pressured or rushed. "This is Nick's night." Brian thought to himself.

When Nick finally pulled off of Brian, he looked up into his eyes. His eyes were slightly filled with hesitation. He was about to give Brian the gift he held most sacred. Brian would be the one to take his virginity.

Nick could think of no other man worthy enough to give such a precious gift to. Brian knew that what Nick was about to give him was out of pure love. Throughout the years he's known Nick, he came to know how sacred he held his virginity, and wanted his first time to be with the one he loved. Brian didn't take that responsibility lightly, but rather lovingly accepted Nick's precious gift. Brian gave him one last look, this one of pure love, and he saw the hesitation melt away from Nick's eyes. Nick trusted Brian, and he knew nothing wrong could come of their night together, so long as pure love was behind everything they did together.

["Crash" - Dave Matthew's Band]

Brian once again laid Nick gently onto the bed. He gave him a deep kiss, letting Nick know that he'd be careful, and that everything would be alright. When they separated, Brian lovingly lifted Nick's legs up to his waist, and locked them there. Nick tightened his grip on Brian's waist, preparing himself for what would come next. Brian looked into Nick's eyes, silently asking one last time if this was what he wanted. Nick nodded, and smiled in response to Brian's inquiry. Brian returned the smile.

Brian leaned in, and shared one last kiss with Nick, reassuring him that all was right, and that he'd be gentle. While looking into each other's eyes, Brian gently took hold of Nick's hands, and placed them on his hardness. He firmly placed his hands over Nick's and indicated Nick to guide him into his body. They were going to do this together. Brian was determined to give Nick as much control over their lovemaking as he had. Together, they began their long awaited journey to completion.

Brian was just as nervous, if not more, than Nick was. He didn't want to hurt Nick. That was the last thing he'd ever want to do. As Nick brought him closer, Brian closed his eyes, and then shuddered as they made contact. He opened his eyes, when he felt the intense heat that emanated from Nick. He looked directly at his lover, right in time to see Nick shut his eyes, just as he entered him for the first time. He could see Nick wince in pain, but the determination was still there. He wanted to pull away. He couldn't bear the thought of causing Nick any pain, but he knew this was what Nick wanted...what they both wanted.

Brian leaned down, and kissed away the tear that somehow escaped Nick's eye, and was rolling down his cheek. He extended his hands until he found Nick's, and joined them as one. Brian worked his way to Nick's lips, and gave him a deep kiss, hoping to take Nick's mind away from the pain he was experiencing. When Brian felt Nick deepen their kiss, Brian pushed on, and felt Nick tense for a minute. He could feel Nick's grip tighten on his waist. When Nick had completely taken him in, he broke their kiss, to let out a deep moan. Brian knew if Nick felt anything like he was feeling right now, he was in heaven. Brian leaned down, and brought his mouth to Nick's ear.

"You okay babe?" Brian whispered.

Nick nodded his head affirmatively.

"Am I hurting you?" Brian asked hesitantly, his voice cracking a bit.

"No. It feels really good, Bri." Nick managed to moan out. He was responding to every movement Brian made. The slightest shift from Brian, caused him to groan at the intense feeling of pleasure he was now experiencing.

"Do you want me to..." Brian asked, but was cut off when Nick began to nod his head 'yes' many times.

Brian smiled at Nick's reaction, and pulled out slowly, careful to let Nick adjust to his size every step of the way. Brian was careful not to sever the physical link he now shared with Nick. He slowly filled Nick, once again being careful by taking it slow. He repeated the same movements for a few minutes. When he was sure Nick had gotten used to the connection they now shared. He leaned into Nick, and kissed him longingly again, and entering Nick's being even more. Nick let out a deep moan into their kiss. Brian wanted to let Nick know in every way, that they were now one.

Brian hovered above Nick, as he opened his eyes for the first time as one. Brian stared into his deep blue sapphire eyes, and only saw love within them. No words were necessary at this point; their communication was done through tender glances and through the soft touches of their lovemaking. Nick knew what Brian wanted, and Brian knew what Nick needed. At Nick's silent request, Brian increased the speed of their lovemaking.

Brian gradually amplified the physical expression of their love for each other. Every movement, every look, and every sense came naturally to the both of them, as they converged into one body, mind and soul.

Nick could no longer keep his vocalizations to just a simple moan or groan. He would try and stifle his screams of passion, as he writhed underneath his lover. Brian leaned down to steady Nick's uncontrolled movements. He pressed himself against Nick, trapping him below. Nick's cries grew more and more with Brian's weight above him. He could feel every movement from his front, now that Brian lay above him. Brian zealously planted kisses all over Nick's exposed skin. He ran his tongue all over Nick's body, sending him further into sensory overload.

Their bodies glistened in the moonlight, as they reacted to the heat they created with their lovemaking. Brian could feel Nick perfectly grip him. It was as if Brian was the key that unlocked Nick's sexual being. They continued their play, gently kissing and caressing, encouraging the other to continue their actions. Everything was perfect.

Each one wanted to prolong the newfound sensations, they were experiencing for the first time together, but they knew it would all have to come to a climactic end soon. As much as they didn't want their lovemaking to end, they each looked forward to the euphoric high they knew would follow. Brian leaned in to Nick's ear.

"I'm almost there, love."

"Me too." Nick responded. "Just a little while longer?" He pleaded.

Brian's response was to place a kiss, on Nick's neck. He then began to suckle on his lover's body, increasing and deepening their love for each other. With a few last desperate thrusts, Brian entered Nick fully, as his body tensed, and shuddered.

"I love you Nick." Brian exploded audibly through clenched teeth, as he filled Nick to the brim with his love.

Nick felt Brian expand within him, and with a deafening cry, screamed out his love for Brian, and released his seed between their burning bodies, sealing them as one. Brian could feel Nick tense and convulse around and beneath him, as he clutched onto him with dear life. They were panting, trying to catch their breath, as they descended from their earth shattering high. Brian and Nick felt their hearts beat as one, as they looked into each other's eyes, and kissed.

They laid there, basking in the glow that was the result of the expression of their endless love for each other. Still, neither of them broke the union they shared. Brian laid his head on Nick's chest. His head rose and lowered at Nick's rhythmic breathing. He closed his eyes, and listened to the beating of Nick's heart, telling him how much Nick loved him. Nick ran his hands repeatedly through Brian's hair, and occasionally brushed his hand alongside his lover's face. In return, Brian would occasionally, lightly brush his fingertips along the side of Nick's body.

"Wow." Nick said breaking the silence.

"Yeah." Brian responded in return.

"That was..."

"Yeah it was." Brian said, completing Nick's thought.

Nick captured the feeling of the moment they just shared perfectly. There were no words to describe what they had just shared, or how they both felt. It was beyond words, and even beyond comprehension, except for the two of them. They shared those feelings with each other at the same moment.

It was better than either of them had imagined. It was perfection.

"Maybe we should clean up." Brian said.

"Yeah." Nick responded, but neither of them moved.

They laughed at the weakness they felt, and at the unwillingness of each one to separate from the other. Brian was the first to move. He slowly lifted his body from Nick's. As soon as Nick felt Brian's weight being removed, he began to feel the bareness surround him. When Brian pulled out of Nick, and they separated, Nick couldn't help but feel empty. He sat up, and looked at Brian. Brian could see a hint of sadness in his eyes. He leaned in, and gave Nick a loving kiss, shattering all thoughts of loneliness from his mind.

When their kiss broke, Brian walked into the bathroom, and returned with a warm washcloth. He instructed Nick to lay on the bed. Brian sat next to him, and carefully cleansed Nick. He lightly ran the warm cloth over Nick's body. Nick could feel the coolness of the room set in, where Brian had just run the washcloth over his exposed skin. When Brian had finished his thorough cleaning, he put the washcloth aside, and pulled down the bed covers. Nick crawled in, and Brian followed.

"I love you with all my heart. Don't ever forget that." Brian said.

"I love you with all my soul."

They faced each other, and shared another kiss, before falling asleep in each other's arms...as one.

Well folks...here it is...Nick finally told Brian...was it all worth it???

Quick thank you first to Randy who talentedly wrote the little toast Brian gave to Nick. Thanks!!! You're the best.

First I need to apologize for not replying to the e-mails that have been sent to me. These past few weeks have been really trying, but I'm working on them these next few nights, so if you've written, I will write back!!!

I wanna hear from all of ya reading this. I wanna know what you really think, and I'm kinda curious as to where you think the story is going, or where you'd like it to go. Or if you hate the story.

Thanks You's:

New story recommendation...check out "Maverick." It's a sophisticated story dealing with the BSB and 'Nsync. It's written by Randy Maverson...a very insightful and perceptive guy, and an excellent friend!!!

To Justin...the man who fuels my dreams, and the only guy who really knows how to keep me in line... You're a great friend, and I'm glad you're in my life.

Just wanna give a special shout out to the Magic Man!!! He's a great author and a great friend. Check his story "Not Meant to Be" out. Can I please be on the list??? :)

New Special Section: A Call to Arms to all Nicky Carter fans!!!

Just recently I've received disturbing news about the lack of Nick Carter fans out there. I know that is so not true!!! We're out there...so come out of your closets and speak out!!!

Check out these Nick friendly stories, and drop a note to the author's professing your love for the adorably cute Nicky Carter!!!

Shout out to Carter who has his own story out on Nifty. I haven't forgotten about ya!!! It's called "Open Arms." Check it out!!! It's proving to be a good story. (I was only kidding about moving my mention up...but thanks anyway!!!)

"Beneath It All" by the infamous Scotty T.

"Some Kind of Bliss" by Braan

"Brian and Me" by DLS - This focuses on Brian, but the part Nick plays is awesome and sweet...and most importantly he's gay!!!

"Fixing the BackStreet Boys" by Kelly just finished. It's an awesome story, and Nick gets some in it!!! He's also starting a new "Kevin and Nick" story!!! I'll give you guys more details about it later.

I know there's more of us out there...so here's your chance to speak out!!! I wanna hear from all the Nicky fans!!! I know there's more out there, but I just didn't get a chance to include them yet...Promise they'll be in the next one!!!

Nicky fans UNITE!!!

Lucas Out...till next time!!!

rtstories@hotmail.com