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KEVIN
SIX MORE DAYS! I really wanted to excuse myself to the bathroom so I could cry without Tom seeing. I almost can't handle the emotions I'm feeling. I was barely keeping it together. Tom isn't shutting me out anymore, last night in his arms was everything I needed to heal the wounds of the last year. Part of those were self inflicted because I kept telling myself I should have known better than to fall in love with my straight best friend. But the sex had made that line too easy to cross. Oh fuck that... it's bullshit. TOM made that line easy to cross, in fact it was impossible NOT to cross. Why'd he have to be so fucking wonderful? So sweet? So secure and self assured? So kind and loving? Why did he have to care about me, and then show it in a million different ways? Shit, I could keep the list going for an hour, and then spend another hour on a list of all his sexy physical attributes, how hot he was to me, down to the way he walked heel to toe like a demonstration of how humans were meant to walk. I guess I didn't think losing him would hurt so bad. I guess I overestimated my ability to keep my feelings in check. And when he hadn't answered my letters... letters in which I'd been so careful to avoid any mention of US so that he'd see I was okay with not having him in my life so that I actually COULD have him in my life, on whatever terms he wanted I expected something, anything that would tell me he was okay with going back to the friend zone. But not getting a single letter back, that gutted me. Still, I couldn't stop writing letters to him. At least by writing him letters it felt like he was still there, just a little. And I guess doing that allowed me to keep my foolish hope alive.
I spent over a year knowing no one was ever going to stack up to Tom, and I was going to be alone because I couldn't disappear him like he disappeared me. And that was even worse, that kick in the stomach, that he could disappear me. It seemed so easy for him to do. But then this morning he said he hadn't been able to, that it was too hard for him, and he hurt as much as me.
"Hey, I have to use the bathroom, be right back." I said to them, not waiting for a response. I nearly made it before the tears started. I quickly closed the door and sat on the floor and let the storm take me. See, a strange thing happens when your pain leaves you... your mind decides to say a personal goodbye to every wound, every kick, every single tear you've shed and you re-live the memories and a piece of the feelings. Before the happiness can be real, your traitorous brain inflicts a twisted tragic play upon you that it won't let you ignore. I was happy, so happy...but I was sad for myself that I had endured such abject misery. You cry because the ordeal, this labor of Hercules, is over. But your mind also doesn't want to let go of the pain it got used to, so it invents new pain, fictional deceptive pain, so it can just keep chugging along without having to do the adjustment work of changing its perception. It says `but wait...are you SURE you're free? Are you absolutely confident you won't still hurt? Here's where you might be wrong about the torture being over...'
I was so mad at him yesterday, so angry that I wanted to be there for him after the death of his dad and he wouldn't fucking let me. I was also filled with joy that we were in the same room together again and he was talking to me. I knew what he was feeling, knew he was lost inside, knew he was frustrated with just wanting to lose himself but he couldn't because he had to be the man. I knew him as deeply as I knew myself. And he had to keep me away from him. Couldn't let me love him for even just a moment. Didn't want me to show him that he needed me. If I hadn't wanted to kiss him so badly, I would have hit him. Anger and joy... the two ingredients of a perfect emotional cyclone. Today I was fine as long as I knew that what we had was just this one day after which we'd endure another separation that we could use to figure out how to make this work. I still needed to finish college, he needed to get wherever he was going with the Army. We could use the return to normalcy to make decisions with clear heads. I already decided when I got my degree I'd just find a job where he got stationed and we'd do the just a roommate' thing, or if he wasn't willing to take that risk we'd get separate apartments near each other. We could figure it out, there were options. That was one of the I wish...' fantasies I'd used to comfort myself over the last 16 months, entertaining all the different ways we could have gotten around the Army's ban on gays. But now we had a whole week with each other and figuring it out now was going to come up. Fantasies were all well and good but when you had to face the practicalities everything got messy. What if it couldn't work? What if it was too difficult and the only decision was we couldn't be together? And what if Tom changed his mind and decided to be with women again? The possibilities for failure seemed like a dark cloud hanging over my happiness. And I cried for the unwelcome thought that it might have been better if I'd let Tom have his way and left it alone. At least I'd become used to the pain, as bad as it was, but now I had to face the possibility of going through it all again and it was bringing the fragile house of cards I'd built crashing to the ground. My head was all over the place and I was caught between wanting to focus on the happy part but knowing I couldn't ignore the sad part.
There was a knock on the door. "Kev, you okay?" It was Tom.
I replied too quickly and failed to hide the turmoil in my voice. "Yeah babe, doing great." Seriously? Doing great? Supposedly just using the bathroom? No one in a stable state of mind answers `doing great' if all they are doing is pissing in a toilet.
"Well that sounds like bullshit." Tom answered. He didn't wait, and I heard the lock pop just before the door opened. He saw me sitting there and quickly shut the door. He sat down beside me, shoulder touching shoulder and leaned his head on me. "I know Kev." He sighed. "Me too. But we'll figure it out, we do this together, okay buddy? You don't have to go through this alone anymore. It's not going to be easy, but we WILL figure it out. I'm sorry I put you through this." And he turned and buried his head in my hair. And that was all it took to shut down the spinning gears in my head. We sat like that, me in a state of calm that only Tom could give me, him breathing in the smell of my hair like it was scented candle.
"So, was last night your first time?" He uttered into my hair.
"Yeah."
He chuckled. "I like that we were each other's first."
That. That right there was on the list of a million things I loved about him. It was how he knew exactly what I was thinking and just said it. Or maybe it was that we could feel exactly the same about something in the same moment.
"Was it okay? Did you like it?" He asked, finally withdrawing his head to look at me.
I smiled. "You want to stick your dick in me again, don't you?" I laughed and it echoed in the confines of the small bathroom.
He gave me a thoroughly pathetic sad puppy look. It just wasn't something he could pull off. Tom was nowhere near a sad pathetic puppy. No, that look on him made it seem like the panther was trying to fool its prey to become less wary just before pouncing to devour it.
"Oh come on!" I said with laughter. "You look like an idiot." And then he stuck his tongue out in a ridiculous eager pant and I lost it completely.
I pushed him away. "Yes, fine. You know it was amazing. Everything you do is amazing. We can trade off fucking each other."
He laughed. "Nope. I still want you to fuck me more, but every so often I want a piece of that." He punctuated his words with a lustful look at my ass.
"Anything you want, Tom." I said quietly.
"Anything you want, Kev." He repeated. He leaned his head on my shoulder again. "Hey, how about we spend the week like we were in high school again? We don't ruin it with trying to figure out what comes next or thinking about having to go away next weekend?"
That sounded good to me. I gave him a soft kiss. "I missed you."
"I know, Kev. Me too."
"Do you want to hang out with Carol tonight? We can ask her if she wants to come over." He asked.
Just like high school. "Yeah, that would be fun. If she doesn't, we can offer to drive her to the airport for her flight tomorrow. I hung out with her the day of your dad's funeral, but I know she'd love to spend time with you too. You need to tell us what's been going on with you and about the Army life." I responded.
"Do I have to? It's kinda boring, just training and learning, and tests and getting yelled at a lot." Tom explained.
"Hmmmm" I said, not believing that for a second. "You left out shooting guns, blowing stuff up, group showers, naked soldiers. We'll get it out of you." I stood up and he followed me. "Let's go out there. I'm sure your mom and Tim are wondering what we're doing locked in here."
He raised his eyebrows. "Well since no one is screaming about getting fucked, I think they'll assume we're just talking."
I was just as embarrassed as him, I just hid it better. Or at least I thought I did.
We called Carol and she was just as excited as we were to hang out again. Tom's mom suggested we invite her for dinner.
"Hey, um....would it be alright if I got my stuff from home and just stayed here for the week?" I asked Tom's mom when we had a moment alone.
She smiled. "I didn't buy all this food for just the boys. I had a feeling you'd be here more than just today. I'm glad you worked things out. Tom hasn't been the same for a long time. His father and I.." she paused and a hurt look washed over her face. "We were worried about him. He hasn't been happy."
I hugged her and we just stood there for a few moments. "It's going to be hard, I know. I liked him a lot, even though he never stopped telling me to cut my hair. Or calling me a hippie. So you both knew?"
"We couldn't really hear you two, you know. But we figured it out. The way you two always cuddled on the couch, the sleepovers, the looks Tom always gave you and your absolute infatuation with him. And Tim was coming to us with questions. His father had a hard time with it at first but we talked about it and saw how happy he was with you and Carol. We thought it was probably just a phase he was going through, but when he changed into a different person after enlisting, closed himself off we knew it was hurting him." She sighed. "He had to make his own choices. Kevin, thank you for coming back. I know it would have been easier for you to stay away. Tom's never been the type to have a large circle of friends, he's always picked just one or two to hold close. You're good for him. I'm concerned though, about the Army. Hopefully all this talk of gays in the military will change things, but you both need to be careful."
"I know. We know." I said. "Maybe Bill Clinton will change the policy, he said he would during his campaign. But who knows? I've got college to finish, so at the least we won't be able to see each other for a while. We promised we wouldn't talk about it this week. We lost a whole year and a half and we want to just enjoy this week."
"Well if your parents don't mind, we'll be happy to have you here. It's nice to have the house full. Makes it a little easier. I have to be a little selfish and say it feels right having three of you around."
I hugged her again. "Thanks Mrs. Harris. I like it here too."
"Are you taller? I swear you're taller." She commented swallowed in my arms.
"Yeah, I grew two inches. Probably done now though, but I'm as tall as Tom." I answered.
Dinner was great. Mrs. Harris was an awesome cook and you could just tell she loved taking care of everyone. Tim couldn't stop smiling at Tom and I. Tom told us stories of his time in the Army which he tried to make sound boring but I think we could all tell he loved every minute. He was the same Tom, mostly. Yes, he was more serious but his underlying self confidence which was unshakable before had only grown. To me, he seemed like he could fight a war all by himself. He'd gained 20 pounds of muscle looking even more sexy, and the way he moved .... Fuck it made me hard just watching him lift his glass to take a drink. Every movement was so measured and in control. Smooth. He'd always reminded me of a jungle cat, but this version of Tom was an apex predator. I couldn't wait to get him into bed tonight. We weren't going to get much sleep. I just couldn't decide whether I wanted him to fuck me more than I wanted to fuck him. Before this morning I really had no desire to get fucked. But when Tom had taken me half asleep the feeling of our connection made my heart sing. I can't describe it. The closest I can come is that he wasn't fucking my ass, he was filling my soul with love.
After dinner, we all did the dishes while Mrs. Harris78 sat at the breakfast bar drinking a glass of wine watching us have fun. Carol sprayed Tom with the sink sprayer so he threw her over his shoulder and told Tim and I to spank her pretty little butt. She squealed and it sounded like she was enjoying it more than hating it.
The three of us sat in the living room talking like old times, Tom sandwiched between Carol and I. Mom and Tim had gone to bed so we could talk alone.
Carol wasn't seeing any one guy seriously, but was enjoying herself with the unique type of Southern California `dude' that she said littered the area. She said her favorite kind was the dumb version of surfer she could talk into just about anything. She said that she still hadn't found anything as hot as having sex with us, but she wasn't giving up. She said she wanted to find a guy who wouldn't be a weak little bitch. She was fine with him being a little bitch, he just had to be a man about it. We heard a couple of her favorite stories, one about a UCLA Bruins football player, a wide receiver who loved her to smack him around. If she could get him past being a little boy he might do nicely. Tom and I knew Carol's particular flavor of dominance and understood only a certain type of personality would do. They had to meet her level of intensity rather than shrink in total submission. She didn't want a servile toy. She wanted a beast to tame. She wanted a vicious feral animal that tested her control, kept her on her toes and forced her to stay alert and wary lest he turn on her. When you controlled an animal like that you borrowed their power and strength as your own. Tom told her that like any animal, you needed to train them and that she should be willing to put in the work if she wanted the reward. Her Wide Receiver sounded perfect for her. He was all testosterone and suppressed game day rage, a little bit of an arrogant dick to be honest, but she said when they were alone he went meek and soft, practically worshipping her.
"Train him. Like any pet you have to let them know specifically what your expectations are." Tom said.
I had been mostly silent up until now, thinking like I do, crunching all the details she'd said and examining the gaps of what was missing. "Tom's right." I said. "He's a momma's boy, with an overbearing father I think. He thinks treating women like soft, fragile creatures is what a man is supposed to do. You have to get him off that leash. He thinks his big dick will hurt you, thinks you'll bruise and his 6'3" muscles will crush you. What would his coach do if he played football like that?"
"Hmmmm." She said, her eyes unfocusing as she thought. "Yell at him, find some way to motivate him. And I really want him to bruise me a little."
I laughed at that last part. "Exactly. Give him a motivation." I agreed. "Sounds like he wants to treat you like a princess. He needs to understand that you don't need that. Remember how you tortured Tom by not giving him what he wanted? Remember how you felt when you thought Tom was gay and you were going to show him what he was missing? Nothing was off the table in your bag of tricks and it led to the hottest sex you've ever had. And you did the same thing to me. You didn't hold back. Sounds like you put yourself on a leash too. This guy sounds like he wants to play, he just doesn't know how. Teach the boy to be a man. He's got it in him, you see it when he's on the field so you just have to show him he can be that guy in bed with you."
"Okay. That's me. What about you two? Are you okay?" She asked.
I looked at Tom and smiled. "Yeah, very okay."
"Good, you two need each other."
Tom raised an eyebrow. "You two want to relive some more old times?" He grinned. I smiled wider. I was kind of hoping we might end up here.
We both looked at Carol. She smiled, but I could tell it would be a no. "I've got something else in mind. Besides, you two should use every minute of this week for yourselves. I want to, but you both know it wouldn't be the same. And then all we'd think about was how it didn't measure up to what we remembered, and the disappointment would ruin what we used to have."
I knew she was right. She was always right about these things. "So what were you thinking of doing."
"Tim."
I gawked. We should have expected that, I suppose. I looked at Tom. He looked at me with surprise on his face, then Carol.
"He could do worse than you teaching him the ways of women." Tom said.
"Hey! I think you meant he couldn't do better. Didn't you?" She threatened.
"I don't know." Tom played. "I don't want my baby brother to get broken by some she devil."
Carol crossed her arms. "If he's anything like you it will take a lot to break him. But don't worry, I'll keep my dial set to reasonable."
I chuckled. Carol's `reasonable' was a normal person's level 8.
Tom shrugged. "If you're going to do it, better get up there before he finishes himself off. He's probably been jacking off since he went to his room."
I laughed. "He's not." I argued. "He's waiting for us to have sex so he can listen through the wall."
Carol laughed too at that. "I just got a better idea. Let's all go to his room."
Holy shit. Was she thinking what I thought she was thinking?
"I'm not having sex with my little brother, you pervert." Tom said to Carol.
"He's not little. He reminds me a lot of you back in school. And that's not what I was thinking." Carol replied.
Tom had a slightly worried look. "Okayyyyy"
As if he knew we were talking about him, Tim came down the stairs. "Just needed some water." He said, trying to sound too casual.
Tom chuckled. "Liar. You were hoping to spy on us fucking our brains out." Poor Tim turned red as a beet.
"No I wasn't." He lied.
Carol laughed. "Come here, Tim." She ordered. Tim didn't even take a breath before he was in front of us. She still had it, that ability to take control before you knew what hit you. "We were just talking about you." She said smoothly. "Have you kissed a girl?"
Tim shrugged. "Yeah, a couple. Why?"
"You know we can tell when you're lying. You're just like Tom, you get red here, and here." She gestured to his face. "A real kiss? Or just a quick peck of the lips?"
Tim wouldn't meet her eyes and got a little redder.
"Yeah, I thought so. Kevin, kiss Tom." She ordered calmly like she was asking me to pass her the mashed potatoes at dinner, not looking away from Tim. I felt that old familiar thrill Carol could instill when she gave me direction of what to do to Tom.
I put my hand around the back of Tom's neck and pulled him to me and I felt him melt and dive into my eyes. Suddenly, we were alone in that beautiful place only he could take me and I loved how instantaneous and easy it was to get there when I touched him. I stayed there with him, so relaxed but also excited, until I heard Carol's voice.
"See? That is a kiss. They go somewhere and nothing else matters. That's what you want." She explained.
I let Tom go and couldn't stop smiling. Every time. Every time was like this. He made me love him because he did that to me every time I touched him, kissed him, or held him. I was already halfway gone just being in the same room with him. And the look on his face said he was there too. My blood was pumping, and I saw the red flush creep up his neck. He reached out and touched my lips, his fingers were shaking.
"Those lips." He whispered. Just like he did after our first Kiss. I suddenly didn't care about Carol, or Tim. He had nothing in his world but me right then. It made me feel heady and recklessly wanton. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Carol kissing Tim but it hardly registered. It was just another detail of the room, like the coffee table or the lamp beside the couch.
"Let's go." I said, reaching up to hook my fingers through his teeth to grab him by his lower jaw like I'd done that day in the hallway in front of English class, pulling him up off the couch. He never took his eyes off me. I picked him up in my arms, loving how solid he felt, just the right weight to let my strength recognize the substance of him. He wasn't too heavy for me and created a soothing balance in my arms. I kissed him again as we climbed the stairs to his room.
Closing the door with my foot, I set him on his feet and almost ripped his clothes off him before throwing him naked on the bed. His cock was hard and standing rigid away from his stomach its length reaching to his belly button. He had the most amazing thick cock.
"Yes." He breathed. "I want you so bad."
I started at his mouth, his big sexy mouth, invading him with my tongue. I licked up the side of his face before finding my way to his ear, nibbling and driving my tongue around the whirls. I sucked on his earlobe and licked that tender spot behind it. I just wanted to taste him, use my mouth to feel his entire body one inch at a time. I bit his neck softly, just enough so I hear him grunt. My hands gripped his rib cage and I pressed in before running up into his armpits so that I could pull his arms above his head and pin them there, leaving him vulnerable and exposed. I used one hand across his wrists to hold him in place while my other hand danced across his military honed action ready body. He felt different too, we'd both improved over the last eighteen months. He was all hard and sculpted.
"Aren't you going to get naked?" He asked, breathing hard.
I covered his mouth with my own and kissed him deeply with languid movements of my lips and tongue. "Shhhhhh" I said. "Close your eyes. You're all mine." I felt him relax and go limp and knew I could let his wrists go. He wouldn't move. He would let me move him where and how I wanted. I kissed my way down his chin, his neck, to his chest. I licked his tiny brown nipples gently, circling them with my tongue. He wasn't hairy like me. "I missed the taste of you so much." I breathed into his chest. "I'd lay in bed trying to remember how you smelled, your sweat, that clean man smell that made me weak every time you hugged me. I started to lose the memories after a year and I was so sad." I rubbed my face over his chest slowly then dragged my nose and forehead down his stomach until his dick rubbed against my neck. Oh, it was so hot, radiating a heat that filled me with a sudden desire. I grabbed it by the base and stood it up to gaze at it. It was a proud dick, full and hard. The tube that carried his fluids made a straight line down the underside, I licked it hard from base to head and was rewarded with a thick drip of his sweet precum. Surrounding his thick head with my lips I sucked trying to pull more up his veined shaft. I took my time. It spasmed in my mouth. But I got what I wanted with a gush. I wanted more. I spread his legs apart to suck on his heavy balls. He groaned.
"Kev...babe..." he whined.
I knew what he was going to say. I swooped back up and swallowed half his dick just before he shot. I needed his seed, the elixir of his beautiful masculinity.
"Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh my God, I'm cumming so hard, don't stop!" He wasn't quiet. He was a good boy and stayed in place even though his hips thrust his solid cock in and out of my lips with his orgasm. I swallowed most of it but it was a fight between wanting to savor the taste of him and needing this part of him inside me again. I would never get tired of the way his cock spurted so heavy and thick when he came. I almost lost my own load in my underwear when I remembered he'd shot one of these amazing loads inside my ass less than twenty four hours ago. His seed in my ass. He'd filled me from both ends with his hot Army soldier nut, and that drove me crazy.
I pulled his legs up to expose his hole, bending him in half so that his tight pucker faced the ceiling, and I dribbled the portion of his cum that I saved directly on it. I stood up and leaned into him, pulling my dick out of my shorts and rubbing it through his sperm all over his crack. I loved the way his ass hair was sparse, but dark when it was wet with our juices. I was not going to last long the first time, but then I never did. I pressed my huge head against his hole knowing he'd let me in. The way his ass stretched around my thick cock turned me on, swallowing me with a lovers caress.
"You feel so good." I moaned as I sunk into him.
"I love the way you fill me up. No one but you, Kev. That belongs to you. I belong with you." He breathed sincerity and love with every word and I felt us join in that special place as I filled him with eighteen months of needing him. It felt like my orgasm would never end, I just kept lazily stroking in his perfect ass while more and more cum poured out of me into him. It was all so slow and drawn out I became comfortable in that process of delivering my love to him, relishing the ease of sending my little swimming soldiers to fill him. I hoped they would make him stronger and that somehow I could permeate his cells with my DNA to give him my strength. It sounds fantastical, but I wanted my cum to change him. Not change who he was, I loved him just as he was.. but I wanted a piece of me to live in him so that I would always be there, with him, sitting in the deep recesses of his hot fucking handsome man's body. My balls felt like they were squeezing out every drop for him, or that he was suctioning the cum from them - it was unclear in which direction the force worked. In Engineering, down is not down, and up is not up, direction of force is everything and multiple forces applied could have some intense effects. My gear wheels spun to calculate the various forces at work while I hemorrhaged my juices through my dick. Like his cumdozer in my mouth shoveling his cum back into my throat, I was both propelling and pushing, he was both suctioning and pulling, our biological machines made to perfectly enhance this process. So why shouldn't there be a further process, like with women? Why couldn't my sperm wriggle inside his cells and leave behind my DNA? I don't know how long I was in that place but my head was thrown back when I regained myself and my taut muscles were cramping. I looked down on his smiling face and his body. He had shot another load while we were lost in each other.
"That was incredible." I panted. "I think you emptied me. I don't think I was shooting as much as you were siphoning it out of me. Holy shit." I could feel my dick softening as his hole clenched and unclenched around me. That had never happened with just one orgasm. Just being inside him kept me hard and I always came at least three times. I was always turned on around him, he affected me on a primitive level. But this time was different.
"It was ... I don't know. Deeper than ever before. I could feel you cumming inside me. God you're so sexy when you cum." He said. "Can you get naked now? I want to hold my man."
I stripped, trying to do it without pulling out but my softening dick didn't stick with the plan. Ah well, I just needed a little while to go again. I scooted him up on his bed so I could lay down next to him then he made me turn on my side so he could spoon me. I may be bigger than him, but when he held me like this I felt like a kid again in a warm happy place where I was loved and protected.
"You're taller." He said into my hair. "I missed so much while I was being an idiot. Don't let me be an idiot ever again, Kev. I don't want to miss a single thing with you."
"Tom?" I asked. He grunted in answer, and the vibration it made against my back made my dick twitch. And of course that brought me to thinking about him fucking me while holding me like this and grunting as he plowed me like a rapacious soldier and my dick shot to attention. Oh yes we had to do that. The cum he'd shot onto his stomach was slick on my back while he breathed and I wondered if it was too sick that I wanted to rub his cum all over me so I could smell him on my body. I dismissed it as impractical. Everyone would know and I wanted it to be a secret thing. It was better if it was a secret between us. I don't know why, maybe it was just a matter of me having something of him that no one else could have or see. I brought my hand up to stroke his arm around my chest. He was playing with the hair on my pecs. It felt good. As usual, he waited patiently for my brain to stop clicking and my mouth to speak. He was so good to me. I never needed to worry Tom wouldn't understand me.
"Have you been with anyone else?" I asked, knowing I shouldn't, but needing to know. I don't know why it mattered, we weren't together when he left for the Army. Aw fuck, I didn't want to know, I suddenly realized.
"One guy. My best friend in the Army, Addison. No women." Tom answered before I could stop him.
I felt my heart sink.
He pulled me tight to him. "Kev, it was a situation of convenience, not love. Not even lust. He's straight...or at least he was. We sorta took care of each others' needs."
"What do you mean `was'?" I barely managed to utter. "And how?"
"Kev, do you really want to hear this? I'll tell you everything, if you want. But I don't want it to hurt you. It wasn't anything big, and nowhere near what we have. If you want to know I'll tell you." He kissed my shoulder.
I had to think about it. He waited. He hadn't stopped stroking my chest. He wasn't nervous or feeling guilty so that said it probably wasn't too bad.
"Tell me the `was' part first." I said. Had Tom's amazing body, dick, and soul turned his best friend gay? Was that even possible? Oh... fuck. That's exactly what I'd done to Tom, my formerly straight best friend. Now I had to know.
"Well, I think he's got a boyfriend. He doesn't know it yet though. But there's no way he's going to get away from this guy. And I don't think he wants to."
And then he told me all about Sleeper, and then Zeus.
I had to admit, they both sounded really hot. Who doesn't like tall, confident, muscle bound hunks that look like male models?
"So you didn't turn Sleeper gay?" I asked.
"Nah, but I probably showed him the way to get there. And it's kind of your fault anyway, you and Carol."
I seriously doubted that.
Like he could read my mind, he said "No really. You two taught me how good it feels to get my ass eaten. I just passed that on to Sleeper. And one Saturday I was not in a good headspace, and I fucked him."
"Just once?" I asked. Tom sighed.
"Twice." And then he told me the story of Zeus, Sleeper and him which was the last time he had sex before coming back home. While I didn't exactly feel GOOD about it, it wasn't as bad as I thought.
"You guys must get really horny." I observed.
I felt him shrug. "Not really. Most of the time you're just too exhausted to even think about sex. It's like you WANT to, but it takes too much energy."
"You're the only guy I've been with." I revealed.
"I know babe. Had I known I would have you back in my life...in my heart, I wouldn't have done those other things with Addison."
SLEEPER
Sarge and Bravo Rescue, which consisted of two of the Bravos other Sergeants arrived slightly before 1400 hrs. Sleeper had put a watch outside, switching out every 45 minutes to keep an eye out for the team. It was going to be difficult for Sarge to see the shelter with the piled snow and still steady snowfall. He'd find the rock formation and probably figure out that the large slope of snow hid the lean-to, but not how to get in. Besides, Sleeper didn't want to hear Sarge's lecture on setting camp watch when out in the field.
"Why were your men outside, Private?" Sarge laid into Sleeper first thing. "You're risking them getting frostbite. What's your rotation?"
Sleeper took a moment to calm himself. Maybe he was thinking of Sarge the wrong way. It was Sarge's job to train them, to make sure their decisions were based on solid information and with careful and full thought. He could just be checking to make sure Sleeper knew what he was doing.
"Rotation is 45 minutes, Sarge. The worst of the storm seems to have passed an hour ago, they're in their 7's and by my calculations it would take an hour for frostbite to set in but that's an estimate. They were ordered to stay in the shelter of the rock so the full wind wouldn't hit them full force. We also needed to keep an eye out for your team. Relax, Sarge. Go warm up by the fire. I'll have someone heat you Sargeants a meal." I signaled Cellblock, Shark and Mini Hulk to bring over the hot coffee they'd brewed from whoever's MREs. Some of the guys didn't drink coffee so it got passed around to whoever else wanted it. It was just like middle school, trading out stuff from your lunch you didn't want to get something you did.
"Thanks, Montelongo." Sarge replied, taking his coffee and after letting the steam heat his face he took a long sip. He told the other two Sergeants to check on their squads. "Quite the shelter you made here. Well done."
WHAT? We'd impressed Sarge? Well, hell. That was the first time I heard praise come from his lips in six months. "Team effort, but it was Zeus, Alaska, Chunk, Olympic and Bootlicker that designed and engineered the whole thing. I think the German Forest Service is going to be a little mad."
"Why would they be mad? You're going to UN-build it and erase any sign the Army was ever here, right?" The bastard grinned.
I gave him a sarcastic smile. "Absolutely, Sarge."
"Let me radio in, then I think I'm going to take a little nap after I eat."
The Sergeants didn't assume command, or interfere in any way with what happened over the next 24 hours, just observing how we handled ourselves. Whatever happened with Wanker was a non event for everyone, and there was no evidence of a breakdown in morale or any awkwardness in the Platoon. That didn't mean there was a repeat. The Sergeants were here after all and no one was stupid enough to ignore how the camp was supposed to run. I didn't have to impress on anyone that we maintain discipline around the clock. I had to smile when I realized somewhere in the last six months we became a team, a unified group in which everyone knew their role and trusted the others to know theirs. The brothers stepped forward without being ordered to fulfill a task that fit their skills. All I had to do was list the duties and tasks that had to be done, and the Platoon handled it without argument with the squad leaders taking over the details. I wondered if that was unusual, and asked Sarge.
"That's the way it's supposed to work, Montelongo." He said. "Doesn't mean it always goes this smoothly. Leadership is more than just giving orders. Leaders manage personalities, identify tasks, and let their troops handle how to get it done. The trust goes both ways. They trust you to figure out what needs to be done, but they also want you to trust them to know how to do their jobs. The more you trust them, the more they trust you and another thing happens when you do that - you'll find your soldiers work harder to keep that trust. When we get back you'll have to do what Private Brickmann usually does, I want a report detailing everything, every decision, every action. You'll get a debrief with the Lieutenant, the Captain and the Major. It might be all together or separate. I'll help you get the report eyes ready, but you're going to do it by yourself until you think I'm ready to look at it."
"Was this planned, Sarge?" I asked him.
Sarge laughed. "No, this was a last minute operation to take advantage of the weather, but we didn't know that depression was going to come barreling through and turn it into an emergency. It blindsided us. We weren't even planning to send you boys out again, but it was decided this would be a good opportunity to let you run or walk on your own without the Sergeants looking over your shoulders. It was supposed to be a literal 3 day walk in the park. As usual, no plan - "
"Survives first contact with the enemy." I finished for him.
He nodded. "Remember this situation. If whatever situation you're in doesn't change, you've gotten very lucky. You did well making quick decisions with the input of your men. If you had delayed because of confusion or unwillingness to change the orders you were given, we might have been pulling bodies from the snow. Wind chill took the temperature down to minus 20. I know Brickmann wouldn't have blinked to do whatever he needed to. He doesn't have a problem with making judgment calls if the situation calls for it and sometimes I think he's just stubborn and thinks he knows best how to manage a situation. I don't know if he's rubbed off on you, but I will say I'm impressed how smoothly you handled this."
I shrugged. "It was the brothers, Sarge. It was actually easy because we had the right guys to get through this."
He gripped my shoulder. "You recognized you had that resource, and you listened. Never forget that when you're in command. This all happened because YOU led them to this and let them do what they're good at. This happened because you were willing to risk adapting your orders with new information and you were smart enough to realize we hadn't taken the worsening conditions into account and weigh that information against the risks of continuing the operation."
It felt good to have him say that, but I knew without Zeus, Cellblock, Shark and Mini Hulk things would have gone very differently. Plus, there was the expertise of Chunk, Alaska, Olympic, Bootlicker and Wanker who were the brains behind our safe haven. And of course the brothers who worked so hard to build the shelter to design in just a few hours without complaint, most of them bringing a specific talent to the job. Little Weeble scrambling like a mouse up the frame of the lean-to nimbly lashing logs and branches. Weeble may be five foot two, but his heart and mind were ten feet tall. No one made Weeble feel small. He was a tough little fuck, with the kind of personality and attitude that made everyone smile and feel intensely protective.
"Are the other Platoons okay? Did they find shelter?" I ask.
"I've been a little busy looking for you, and Ops radio communication isn't for having coffee and a chat with your buddies, Montelongo. Especially not with superiors listening in." He chastised me. That was a dig at how I broke protocol earlier. "And this is a good lesson too. You worry about your men, that's all. If you let other concerns in, and lose your focus it WILL cause you to make mistakes. You follow YOUR orders, take care of YOUR men, and trust the other commanders are doing the same. If you need the information, your superiors will give it to you. Otherwise, you wait until you get your men home safe to ask questions. Ask all the questions you want. But understand the Army will rarely give you the answers you want."
I thought about it, and he was right. He wasn't telling me not to worry, just that I had one job right now and I had to be 100% mentally dedicated to that or I risked fucking it up. "Thanks, Sarge. I understand. Assmunch wouldn't have asked you that."
Sarge laughed. "No, he wouldn't, not in this situation. I don't think he would even have a thought in his head for the other Platoons right now, his head would be filled with planning how he was going to get you all back to base."
I snorted. "What plan? We just wait it out and get picked up." It was that easy.
Sarge scowled at me. "Just when I think you're smart you go and say something so fucking stupid I want to shove my boot up your ass. Lesson time over." And then the Good Buddy Sarge of the last ten minutes was gone to be replaced by Asshole Older Brother Sarge. "I swear I'm a fucking glorified kindergarten teacher." He muttered to himself, but I'm sure he meant me to hear.