Bailey

Bailey By Rory M. Chapter 7

"What do you want?" Shane's eyes were blood shot; it looked like he had been crying.

Bailey took a deep breath and tried to calm his nerves. He didn't want to be overbearing or angry. "We really need to talk, buddy."

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Well, that's too bad. Some things have to change around here, things can't go on like this."

"Why does everyone want me to change? You're the one who changed everything!

I don't want to have a gay brother; I want you to be normal again. This isn't fair!!" Shane gasped out a sob and threw himself down on his bed. He couldn't look Bailey in the eyes, so he focused his attention on his hand that was on the pillow next to him. Bailey remained in the doorway, standing patiently, or maybe confused.

"Shane, nothing has changed, I'm still Bailey. I'm the same as I was before all of this and I'll be the same after, being gay doesn't change who I am, its part of who I am. You're just an idiot who didn't see it. Do you really think I'm going to become some sort of a pansy now that I've come out?"

"All fags are pansy Asses."

"First of all, the only gay person you know is me. Second, sissies are stereotypical Hollywood bullshit. Not saying that they aren't around, but there aren't as many as you think. And third, fuck you."

"I don't understand why you have to be this way, and fuck you too, man."

"I am this way, I was born this way. So deal."

"I can't deal, I've tried. It's too weird. All of this is too weird. I can't even talk about you in school or what happened. Everyone thinks you're sick. I'm the boy with the sick brother, not Shane. You are sick, but I don't want to have to pay for it anymore."

"I'm sorry Shane, but I can't go back right now, it would be too hard, I'll be back in the fall. And I'm not sick. I'm gay. Stop treating me like a leaper."

"I don't treat you like a leaper. I don't know how to treat you, I'm afraid you'll think I'm gay too."

"I know you're not gay, you're an insult to the gay community. And FUCK YOU."

"Fuck you!!"

"THE LANGUAGE, PLEASE." Karen crossed her arms in the doorway of the room, Collin stood over her shoulder.

"You two, sit down, now!" They moved for her, oh...they moved. Shane sat up on the bed at his pillow, his knees drawn into his chest, while Bailey took an Indian style seat on the foot of the bed, both of them stared dead on at their parents, they weren't comfortable.

"Shane, starting next week you're going to see Dr. Lavine after Bailey, and then all of us are going to him. I realize you don't understand the situation that well, sweetie, and this is just to try and help you. It isn't a punishment, we just need to cope as a family, that includes you." A tear rolled down Shane's cheek before he buried his face in his hands. He was confused and scare. More importantly he felt like the outsider of his family, as if he betrayed them. He had felt very isolated and neglected since Bailey was in the hospital. Since he had come out, it seemed as if everyone in the family was walking on eggshells and accommodating to his older brother, while he was scolded, punished and sometimes ignored. He had reached his breaking point.

Shane continued to sob into his knees and arms as he coiled himself more tightly. His family looking on at him with blank stares only reinstated his feelings of neglect at that moment. More than anything he wanted the love and affection that he was used to from his parents, even his brother. His world had been flipped inside out and he didn't want to look at it anymore, he wanted it to be the same.

At that moment Karen felt somewhat guilty for the tone she had used towards him, but wasn't going to back down from what she said, she couldn't. His behavior to her was unacceptable and he needed to understand that. She walked over and wrapped her left arm around his back and arm, cupping his face to her shoulder with the other. He immediately reached out for her, for that hug that he hadn't felt for so long. He tried to speak what he felt but he couldn't, he couldn't find the words for his emotions. All he could do was cry into her shoulder, which he hadn't done for a long time.

"Shane sweetie it's not that bad, we're going with you. Come on, it's ok."

"It's not THAT!!" he sobbed and partially screamed into her shoulder. She grimaced at the loud outburst so close to her left ear. Her hand instinctively came up to stroke through his hair as she tried to calm him down and understand what was upsetting him. She was for all reasons, confused.

Collin walked from the side of the bed and sat between Bailey and his wife, who was holding Shane. He was as confused if not more than his wife. He reached out and grabbed Shane's hand, rubbing his thumb in a circle on his palm. If anything was known in this situation it was the fact that all parties were confused and worried, if not scared. What the McCorristin's did know was how to sooth and comfort their children, whether they were sick with the flu, scared of the dark, or emotionally vulnerable.

"Then what is it, babe? We don't understand what's going on in that head of yours," Karen said calmly, wiping a tear from his with her thump.

"It's just that," he struggled not to sob, "I...I don't understand why I'm being picked on. Ever since all this happened," he struggled again, "it's as if no one talks to me or looks at me unless it's to yell at me." He continued crying into his mother's shoulder.

"You haven't been the easiest to get along with, Shane, especially in your behavior towards your brother, when he needs you. But we love you. You know that. If it seems like we're ignoring you we're sorry, there's just been a lot going on lately," Collin was sweating. He couldn't think of a time when he purposely brushed Shane aside, but then thinking back he did realize that most of his energy was on keeping Bailey at least relatively comfortable. He didn't consider Shane to be fragile in a time like this.

"Should I go?" Bailey finally said something from the end of the bed.

"If you want, Bail," Karen said softly to Bailey, who quickly headed out the door to his own room. He closed the door behind himself and retreated down the hall to his own room. His comfort level in that situation was not very high, and he felt it was his brother's moment anyway. Staring at his wall from the bed would do fine. He laid there for about half an hour before he heard footsteps in the hall. On cue his father walked in the room, and faintly he could see his mother and brother continue their trip to the stairs.

"You alright, Bail?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Is he gonna be alright?"

"I think so, he's just going through the gambit like the rest of us. He's a lot younger than he looks, and I think we forget that sometimes. I think he's getting used to the new stuff, though. So...how'd your meeting go today?"

"Really well, I think. The people are a lot nicer then I thought they would be. Some of them are a little weird, though."

"What do you mean by "weird?"

"Picture me, a football player, a punk, a stereotypical gay boy, his boyfriend, an angstful Jewish girl, a valley girl wanna-be and a few others sitting around on couches talking to each other for two hours. It was a little strange."

Collin chuckled. "Well, it makes it interesting, right?"

"VERY, to say the least. I think I'm gonna go back."

"Good, I'm glad. Just do me a favor?"

"Yeah Dad?"

"Don't bring the angstful Jew around on Sunday's, you know how your grandmother can be," Bailey chuckled as his father frazzled his hair, "we're all gonna watch a movie downstairs around 8, are you going to join us?"

"Maybe, for now I just want to rest, I'm tired."

"Did you do your meds? The doc wants you to keep up on those until we can rule out heart damage, you know you have to keep up on those."

"Yes Dad...I took them. I'm just tired, kind of a long day."

"Alright, I'll come up later to see if you want to, ok?"

"Thanks Dad," Collin patted his back and left the room, leaving Bailey once again to his thoughts. He didn't dwell long on the situation his brother and himself were in, he was too spent for the evening to deal with Shane. Instead, his thoughts drifted to the meeting and how it was almost fun. Fun...it wasn't something he was familiar with, he really wasn't sure if he had experienced it. His eyes became heavy and he started to doze when he was startled awake by the phone on his nightstand.

"He...hello?"

"Evenin?" his grandmother always seemed to double pick up, always confusing the caller.

"Umm, hello...is Bailey there?" A boy's voice said. Bailey recognized it vaguely, but couldn't figure out who it was.

"I've got it Nan, hang up."

"Alrieght dear," she hung up the phone.

"This is Bailey, sorry about that."

"Hey, no prob. This is Rich from earlier, if you were wondering."

"Oohh, ok. Sorry. I recognized the voice but wasn't sure," Bailey was wondering why he called, but was also very excited that he did. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to call and talk, I didn't really get a chance earlier. It kind of seemed that you were uncomfortable."

"I...I was, but I really liked you guys, really," he cursed himself for sounding like an idiot. "I'm coming back next time. I just hope you guys like me."

"Trust me...they like you. Half of those guys think you're the cutest thing since JTT."

"Great...I guess I am fresh meat to them..."

"NO...No I didn't mean it like that," he laughed. "Just don't worry about it, you're completely welcome. When you do talk you're a pretty funny guy."

Bailey didn't think it was possible to blush over the phone. "So...you live in Hamilton, right?"

"Yeah, but on the P-town side."

"Cool, you're probably not that far from me, then."

"Probably not, I'm about a 5 minute drive from Nassau Street."

"Cool," there was a brief pause in the conversation.

"So...did you talk to your bro?"

"Kind of.... I don't want to talk about it."

"Didn't go so well?"

"Not for him"

"I'll drop it if you want."

"Yeah, please. It's nothing personal, but I just don't know what to make of it myself."

"It's all good. Hey, did you want to do something tonight, maybe? My boyfriend is at his cousin's birthday bash, and I thought it would be a good idea maybe to get out of the house. Don't worry...I mean, I told him about you and everything, I just want to be friends, just want to get to know you."

"Well, what would we do?"

"What is there to do in Princeton?"

"Walk around the town and check out college guys?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Unless you want to go check out a movie or the Ewing game?"

"The last time I was in Ewing I got lost in the courtyard...no thanks. A movie is cool I guess if you want."

"Well, why don't we check out the P-town boys and see if there's anything playing around 9:30."

"OK...but let me ask, I'm not sure."

"Ha, ok...sure."

Bailey raced down the stairs and around to the back family room where the rest of his family was. He was excited about getting out of the house for the first time in a long time, and really wanted to.

"Mom, Dad, can I go out with a friend of mine...just to the campus and then the movies?"

"Who is this friend?" Karen was already suspicious.

"Rich, the guy I was telling you about earlier, from Hamilton."

"Be back by 12, and be careful," Collin cut Karen off and let Bailey off the hook before she could press on with more questioning. Bailey ran back upstairs to the phone that was lying on his bed.

"Alright it's a go. Umm...do you drive, I kind of don't have my license yet," Bailey was embarrassed, he wasn't going to be 17 until July, and was pretty much one of the last to go in his class.

"Sure, no prob. I just need directions."

"Thanks."

Bailey gave Rich the directions to his house, which weren't that hard at all, and rushed around his room trying to get ready. He brushed his teeth, tousled his hair back into a better tangle and found a sweater to wear. It was mid-April, and it was still pretty cool some nights. The doorbell rang and he was down the stairs and out the door before his mother could rush Rich with 21 questions that no one should have to go through. Seat-belted into Rich's car, Bailey came to the realization that this was his first potential friend in a long time...and then the fear kicked in not to blow it.

"You ok, man?"

"Yeah, I'm ok. Just a little surprised, honestly."

"Why?"

"I just didn't think anyone was going to call me, let alone want to hang out with me."

"Not a lot of self assurance you got there, huh?"

"I'm working on it..."

"Relax! Listen, you remind me a lot of someone and I just want you to know that. I got good vibes from you, and I want to get to know you, I try to with everyone really, especially from first and third. Not everyone who comes to those meetings seems as interesting anyway. God, the night Paul, Monica, and I hung out was rough," Bailey laughed and began to feel more at ease.

"So, who is it that I remind you of?"

"Someone I used to know. Hey, should be park at the record exchange?"

"Sure...why not."