Ayden's Eyes 9
Today I painted my heart out while Ayden rolled, shook and talked his head off in his jail, I heard it several times before I really listened, "Dah."
My heart melted. I played with him for the next hour or so but he didn't repeat the words. I finally gave up and went back to my work. I am falling so behind now and still have much to do so maybe I will leave Ayden with Rita a few days a week, I have to talk to Evan tonight.
"He said da da." I was all excited when he came in and couldn't wait to tell him. "I knew that." Evan then smiled and added, "Den he's been saying that for over a week now." So why am I always the last to know? I huffed then went to start dinner.
His arms went around me and there was light kissing on my neck and he whispered, "Only twice so far but Den he's probably been saying it to you for weeks but you're not listening for it." "Probably your right, I just thought it was a milestone that's all, I had better listen to my son more carefully in future." More kisses on the neck then we heard, "dah dah," quite audibly in the background. I turned around and said to Ayden, "Which one?"
This made Evan laugh and while the veggies were cooking we lay on the floor with him but the little shit clammed up again. "I want to ask Rita to babysit Ayden a few days a week because my work is suffering; I think Ayden's at the stage to have others around him." "Sure Den, we can go ask her after dinner." "Are you okay with that?" "Yeah, why wouldn't I be? He'll be okay with her." "All right, as long as you don't mind, like I should be looking after him full time." "No Den your work is just as important as mine, you're not a babysitter, you're an artist and she would love to have him." "Okay we ask her then, do you like the chicken wings?" "They are yummy Den, messy but yummy, I love them." "Good because you have a small piece of chicken hanging off your chin." I muffled a laugh.
Rita was more than happy to babysit a few days a week; we could see the excitement in her eyes. "How many grandkids did you say you have Rita?" "Only the two, they are my second son's kids." Her mood changed abruptly.
We didn't push it but thought there might be more to that comment. "Okay so you're happy to help us out, and we have to pay you too so we have to work out a rate." She stared me in the eye and replied, "Don't you even dare try." "But...." "Den believe me, the pleasures going to be all mine, any milk or extras he needs if you want you can supply them; but no payment required." She meant it too. "It doesn't cost anymore for electricity or gas, the only cost is maybe time and that I have plenty of." "Thank you Rita, I won't push it and we really appreciate this." We would do something nice for her maybe at Christmas time instead.
Again Ayden got a four-hand massage while we bathed him, he giggled his way through it, splashing his hands on the water. "Da da, da da," suddenly flowed from his little mouth. "See he's saying it to both of us." I giggled; poor Evan.
We dried and dressed him in his nightclothes then let him suck on a milk while he drifted off to blissful sleep. Evan and I curled up on the couch naked, he played with me and I played with him. "There's something I have to tell you Den." "And what would that be?" "I love you." "I know and I love you too, very, very much."
Two weeks later he dropped a bombshell. "I have to go to Sydney Den." "But you will miss Ayden growing up." He ignored me. "It's for a week, a big corporate case Den. They have been working on it for months now and need my help." "You can't go." "Let's not start this again, I have to, it's my work." "Then leave your passport here with us then." "Why?" He looked confused. "I don't want you running off to England again." "Why would you think I would do that to you both, for god's sake Den, it's a week, come with me?" I thought about it and had an idea. I went up to our bedroom and got out my secret weapon. Sitting opposite Evan I said, "Don't go." Then I placed his white briefs on the table and turned the vibrator on. Evan groaned and banged the table so hard Ayden jumped on his rug then he whined, Evan that is, not Ayden. "But I have to go."
I even popped the head of the vibrator in my mouth, I knew he was hard and I also knew tonight's the night. It's his work, I understood that but we will miss him all the same, and after last night I know he's going to miss us. I really shouldn't do that to him.
I potted around the house cleaning the next day while Ayden was playing pretend walking and had almost pulled himself upright as he hung onto the sofa. I took some photos and started the dishes then I heard the crash and a few seconds later the screaming. He had fallen and knocked his head on the coffee table. I panicked as I ran to him picking his crying little body up and checking for blood. I soothed him with some soft words and stroked the red patch that was forming on his forehead. I had better buy some foam rubber sometime today, I felt so guilty I hadn't done it sooner. Baby proofing the house was my next project and the sooner the better. I settled him down then put the cartoon channel on the TV, I believe this is probably the next step to a child's happiness. He went silent as the colorful characters came to life on the screen, music and all.
The coffee table stood on end in the corner with me securing it with some garden ties until I could cover it. I walked around the house and made a list and got some warm milk, that fixes everything, then I brought in the big guns. Rita was more than happy to sit with him and also went through my list of things to get, then she gave him a baby aspirin in case he had any pain. I took the car because I had a lot to do, my work will have to wait for another day because this is more important. Rita almost single handed baby proofed the kitchen while I did the living room and I could smell something cooking when I got back; she had been baking scones. Ayden was blissfully asleep, safe and sound in his playpen.
Come on let's have a coffee Den." She smiled. "Rita I love you, and I love your scones." "They're not hard to make Den, I could show you," she suggested. "Why would I want to know how to make scones Rita, your just next door?" I laughed. "True, silly of me to suggest it." She smiled. "Now down to business, I hate talking about this but I saw your face the other day and decided to tell you." "Tell me what?" I reached over for another delicious treat. "My three sons." "Oh."
"My first born lives with a real sweetheart and they are living in the US for a few years, it all has to do with her work, she's in advertising. My son Brett is a stockbroker he can virtually work from anywhere as long as he has Internet connection, I believe." "I suppose that's true Rita, it's a wonderful thing the Internet." "Well I never mastered it but I do know how to get my emails and I get one just about every other day from them, I love and miss them dearly."
"My second son Riley married a real thorough bitch." I nearly dropped my coffee cup. "What?" "I know, but that's the best way to describe her. He met her at some work seminar and they have two children, Holly is five and little Peter is three." "You don't have to tell me any of this Rita, you know that." "Well you're the only living soul I have told this story too Den. and I'm only telling you to gain more trust from you and Evan." "You already have that." "I know but you need to know this too and it might help me get some angst out at the same time." "Shoot," was all I could say.
"My youngest is Alex, he's a beautiful, smart, intelligent, warm hearted boy. He's my baby, only nineteen years old, he's gay and I believe he's trekking in Nepal. The last I heard from him, he was in Kathmandu." My two older boys doted on him, protected him and looked out for him. He never had the sort of childhood that I read some gays have at school, he was very popular and has some great mates."
"When Holly was born everything changed and at the hospital Margaret wouldn't let anyone touch her, no welcome kisses from grandma, no photos." She took a deep breath. "It was worse for Alex; he was only let in to see the baby through the glassed off nursery window." "I talked to Riley about it and he cited new mother nerves but I didn't believe him and nearly slapped his face for taking sides against his brother. But I kept my mouth shut." I put the kettle on, I think this might be a long story but I was more than willing to listen.
"Alex never complained and I eventually got a nurse but he was ignored completely. I then got Brett to have a word with Riley and the answer was as plain as that look on your face Den, Margaret was afraid Alex's gayness would rub off on her kids." She then took a deep breath and sighed. "She what?" I let fly. "True, if it wasn't so serious it would be hilarious." She buttered another scone and gave me half.
"Although I have seen Holly off and on when Riley drops in every three or four months, I have never seen Peter, not even a photo. I guess I'm guilty by association." "One day when Riley was on one of his flying visits we had an argument and Alex overheard him saying that Margaret didn't want a poofter near her family. He stormed into the kitchen and grabbed his brother by the throat." "My god Rita, that's so sad." "Well he kept screaming at his brother what a coward he was and to tell the bitch he's married to she needn't worry about his, `infected,' brother, then he punched him in the face." I was so distraught for Alex because I should have talked to him sooner. Riley stormed out and I haven't seen him since, Alex cried relentlessly for his loss, he loved his brothers." "The next day Riley called to talk to him but I did a bad mother thing and hung up on him." We sat in silence for a while until I gathered my wits; this is so unheard of.
"What happened to Alex?" I felt sorry for him. "He packed his knapsack six months ago and that's the last I saw of him. I have stopped sending cards and presents to the kids and the only one I have contact with is Brett. He hears from Alex from time to time. Den there's a reason I have told you this stuff. I have grandchildren but never see them. I was a good mother but who can foresee what kind of people will come into their kid's lives? Ayden has enhanced mine and I would never harm him in any way. I want to be his adopted gran, I want to spoil him and buy him presents and I want to protect him as much as I can." Then the tears came so I wiped my eyes, she shooed the tissues away, she didn't need them.
"I did all that months ago then forced myself to stop, there was nothing left." "Oh Rita, that's bloody awful. You have basically lost half your family over some bitch, why on earth has your son put up with it?" "I thought he was strong but the only thing I can think of is she's holding the kids over him." "Well let's look at the positives, Ayden gets a new gran, we get a great friend and if there's anything we can do, all you have to do is ask us and if it's within our power we will make it happen." I tried to smile but felt so sad for her. She was a tough cookie and I really admired her stance, my god that's just crazy.
It wasn't until later that day when I changed him I saw them, my heart jumped and the blood drained out of my face, I was suddenly cold again. I couldn't move and I couldn't scream but just stared into Ayden's eyes. For how long I don't know but by the time I felt Evan's arm across my shoulder I had nearly pissed myself, the tears then started followed by the silent screaming. Evan's face was ashen as he checked Ayden over, he saw the big bump on his head but then relaxed. "It's a bump on the head Den, every kid gets them, what's wrong?" "His eyes, his eyes Evan, he's blind, they are not his color." He looked again then at me. "They look the same Den, what the fuck's happened to you?" "We have to get him to a hospital, he's blind I tell you," I snapped then bundled my boy up making sure he was secure. I took him down to the kitchen where I grabbed my car keys, pushing Evan aside I then headed for the front door. "Wait I'll drive you Den; you can't drive in this state."
I waited until the car was open and wouldn't let go of Ayden so he could ride in his baby seat. I sat in the back and made sure he was safe in my arms. "Den, this is silly, he's as right as rain, please let's go home." "No, let us out at the next stop, we are going to the hospital whether you like it or not." "What makes you so certain Den?" "His color, his eyes are four shades darker, they are not his color." "Right, I get it," was all Evan said.
I kept looking at them and they stayed the same so I knew something was terribly wrong. Evan seemed to go quiet as he carefully drove us to emergency. As if god had handed me a gift, the triage put an urgent on Ayden even though she didn't have a clue what I was babbling on about, but apparently babies get priority. The doctor was nice and calm as I tried to explain what had happened. He shone a torch into Ayden's eyes then looked at me as if I was insane.
"I'll get our eye specialist down to check him out okay so just calm down, he has got a nasty bump though." "He's got more than a nasty bump sir; he's blind I tell you." "Den calm down, the doctor's doing all he can." Poor Evan. "Well it's not enough, he thinks I'm a fruitcake." "Please wait here a moment." The doctor left the cubical and I'm sure he was laughing. "Den are you one hundred percent sure?" "Yes." "Okay." He was with me thank god.
Ayden's eyes stayed that darker shade and they haunted me every time I looked into them. He was happily smiling and grabbing at the air while I was willing them to change back. "Hi, I'm doctor Sturgess the eye specialist, what seems to be the problem with this little guy?" "He banged his head hard on the coffee table and his eyes changed color," I blurted out. "And what color are his eyes sir?" "Azure blue and the way they are now they are four shades darker, not his blue so we know something's wrong." He again looked like he was going to laugh. "Evan, help me, please help me fix this," I whispered. "Den is an artist and has painted Ayden's eyes hundreds of times, the color is always azure blue. He knows colors, he's an expert on them, and Ayden's eyes now are four shades darker than normal. Please doctor can you just check them?"
Another long stare then he got his torch out, a few swipes and other tests, one involved a dull teddy bear and the other a brightly colored one. Ayden grabbed for the bright one but ignored the dull one. The doctor looked again at Evan and then me. He sort of wiped his forehead and then sat down. "If I hadn't been here I would never have believed it." "He is blind isn't he?" I started shaking again.
"No he's, yes he is but it's only temporary, well at least I think it is, Jesus in heaven." "What?" "After a big bump kids and adults may develop blindness but it's only temporary. It's hard to tell in kids and even harder in infants. He can see bright colors and movement, but yes he is for all intents and purposes blind." "How long?" I squeaked out. "Overnight, one day, one week tops, and you say his color changed?" "Yes, they are not his blue." "Have you a photo?"
Evan pulled one out of his wallet, it was of the painting. The doctor checked it against Ayden's and again he cursed. "Did you give him anything for his headache?" "Yes infant aspirin in his milk but only a half one," I replied. "That should be enough. He doesn't look stressed but I advise you keep an eye on him and any changes I want to know about it, even his eye color." He handed Evan a card with his number on it.
"May I take a photo?" "Yes." I took my son back and held him while the doctor took several photos of his eyes. "Da da." I started crying, all the shit was coming out and I kept saying I was sorry to Ayden, I should have been watching him more closely. The doctor started talking to Evan. "He will be okay, if not in the next hour he should be good to go by the morning. I just find this so extraordinary." "Well initially I thought Den was crazy but when I really thought about it, he does know his colors, it will be interesting to see what happens when Ayden gets a cold." I wasn't laughing at all.
We left the hospital and I sat in the back again cradling a now sleeping Ayden. When we got in I changed him gently and he was put to bed. "What do you want to eat Den?" "Nothing." I sat on my side of the bed leaning with my arms across to his cot and watched. Evan came up with a sandwich. "Den, I'm sorry but it was a bit far fetched at first, I'm sorry I doubted you." "You should have believed me right from the start." "Den, please look at me." "No." "Den."
He sat on the bed and pulled me closer and I started bawling. It had frightened me so fucking much. "Den I want you to get some sleep, I will watch Ayden tonight." "No, I'll watch." "Den your exhausted." "I don't care." He let out a loud breath. Our son was sleeping peacefully and I must have dropped off.
I had a broken sleep and I'm sure one eye was on my baby all night. I felt so groggy when I woke and my brain wasn't engaged at all. Evan was still sitting in a chair by the cot with his head resting on his hands which held the cot rails. "How did you sleep?" "Give me a minute and I'll tell you." Then it hit me again. "Ayden?" "No change Den, he's been sleeping peacefully, why don't you get some more sleep?" "No, you need to sleep too." "I have to work today." "Jesus fucking Christ Evan, will ya give it a rest." I was now mad at him. "Maybe I will, just for today." You can bet your life on that one mister. "Get into bed and I'll watch him." I got out of bed and went to make a coffee and when I got back Evan was dead to the world. For a moment I felt awful for ignoring him but he should have listened.
As the sun broke through the curtains my munchkin started stirring for his day. He seemed alright, maybe a little wet but when he opened his eyes, my heart skipped a beat, they were back, his color had returned. "Dah dah" I started weeping again as I picked him up, carefully folding him in his blanket. I closed the bedroom door behind us and carried him down to the lounge room. I gave him many kisses as he smiled and kicked his way through yet another nappy change. His bruise had appeared but didn't look that bad. After placing him on the floor more coffee was made.
Lying on the floor with my son is a favorite pastime and as he sucked, bit, and smiled through yet another bottle of milk I watched his eyes and wondered if Evan's comment was maybe true. His color may change when he's sick, but I didn't want that experience again. I tried to tell myself over and over that Ayden was a perfectly healthy baby and the bump on his head was just an accident, nothing more, nothing less. I worried about his future and I worried more that his eyes would never return to normal. Evan woke me about an hour later with gentle kissing, he had hunkered down on the floor with us. Ayden was having a few minutes' sleep.
"They're back, his eyes are okay," I whispered to him. "Good, I was worried," he whispered back. "Do you want me to ring work?" "No it's okay, I'll do it now." "Just tell them your son was in hospital, I'm sure they will understand." "I can't tell them that Den." He looked tired. "Why not, he is your son?" "I know Den but at work I don't have a partner or son." "Oh, I will back you, you know," I replied. "Back what?" "Your own practice, there you can have a husband and son." I was serious and he knew it. "I'll think on it." "We could open a really snazzy practice in Caulfield or the city. You could pilfer some staff and maybe take a day off now and then, Ayden will want both of us taking him to school and play group, shit like that." "Coffee Den?" Yep, he's changed the subject again.
Evan spent the day mostly in bed with me. We told Rita all about Ayden's eyes and she was more than happy to take him for the day, so we spent it together. We made love a couple of times, had a sandwich each, then slept more.
"Are you serious Den?" "About what bub?" "The practice." "One hundred percent serious bub." There was a long silence so I thought I would help him out.
"What kind of law do you like, criminal, family, corporate, what kind? Because if you try and do everything, nothing gets done." "I kind of like criminal law but it's painstakingly slow and corporate law I don't have much to do with. I usually get the run of the mill stuff, there's so much to think about Den so it's easier to work for someone else." "Family law it is then," I said flatly. "Now here's the deal, I will back you for three years so you're not chasing your ass trying to find money. I can be a silent partner or something like that maybe." "It's going to cost a bomb Den." "Bub have I got anything else to do with my money?" "Investments." "Can't see investments bub but can see a very nice, shiny oak desk that's just the right height for making love on though." "Groan." "I do like family law but it can get very personal." I think I'm getting through to him. "How about you start with quitting your job then we can go away for a month or two to talk about it. Maybe surf the coast, you could buy Ayden's first board for him." I smiled. "When we get back you look for rooms somewhere in Caulfield, you could smooch your current clients just to test the waters. We give it three years and if it's not making a profit then we piss off and bum around Australia." "But Den I can't take your money, it's just not right." He kissed me. "Let's see, there's plenty of zero's in that account and that's just the personal one. I'm looking for an investment." "Since when?" "Since about an hour ago dick head." "You get to take time off to take your son's lunch to him at school, you get a great fuck in your lunchtime and you only hire the best who will bring clients with them. More importantly you can be you, family and all, and if people don't like it then they can fuck off elsewhere."
I knew I had him with the oak desk but the holiday helped seal the deal. He works so hard for others it's about time he did something for himself. I know I make it sound easy but I reckon the hardest part is getting Evan to accept it. I wondered how his mum got him going? He said it was the riot act but I think it was more than that. The knock on the door made us move, it was Rita with a distressed looking little boy.
"He needs his daddies; I can't calm him down but I think a cuddle or two may fix it." She smiled.
"Thanks Rita, looks like he missed us." As soon as he saw me he started to calm down and didn't know whether to cry or giggle. I put him on the floor and he screamed again with his hands reaching for the TV. Mystery solved, I must tell Rita he's discovered cartoons. Just after I flicked it on he started giggling which made him fall into a ball of laughing baby fat. I was glad he could see it okay, his blue eyes darted from one character to the other as he giggled. Evan was riveted on him so I made us another sandwich and made him sit on the floor with our son and watch Sylvester.
Evan started talking like Donald duck and he was good and Ayden's hands scrunched his face up, I suppose trying to find the silly bird. We had a good few hours of family time; again my work was forgotten. He took a couple of photos of his eyes and sent them with a message to Dr Sturgess as promised. Put that one in your medical journal doc, I thought to myself.
"Now the first job you have to do is find Rita's son Alex and maybe bring him home." "I think I can find him but bringing him home will be a different kettle of fish Den." "Well maybe the first week of our holiday we can go and try to get him to come home." "All the way to Nepal?" "If we have to, but I would much rather maybe we send Rita there, she can read him the riot act." I smiled, he grinned then kissed me more. "Den, you haven't told me the story yet." He reminded me so I told him everything Rita had said. Evan was so disgusted and like me he felt so sorry for Alex.
"We will start by finding him Den, then I don't know, I will have to think on it." "You do that bubs. That was just the best fuck by the way." That will throw him. "What fuck Den, we are still in the living room?" "Well come with me surfy boy, have I got a board for you to ride." He laughed all the way to the bedroom but he wasn't laughing when I entered him. And he still didn't laugh when I turned the lights out although his lips and bum may have been a little tender.
I have to work because I'm so behind, so today I set everything up and took a small TV upstairs for Ayden to watch. Colors appeared on the surface and I will do two paintings if I have time, but then I thought about doing just one as I want to get it just right. I want to paint my son's eyes in their different colors, nothing grand maybe two small paintings with the next two shades of blue. In my mind I thought I could use them as a reference and I have the main one to access his real blue. Again I'm fooling around, procrastinating sort of, but these won't take long, just his eyes that's all. They didn't take me long to do and I got the colors just right. I left them in the corner to dry because I have to finish my London dusk painting then I'm up to date. I checked Ayden and he had fallen asleep, no surprises there, I guess the cartoon was boring.
Returning to my easel I began adding color to my London scene. I thought of Susan and her inner beauty and that kept me going when things were bad. All the help she gave me overseas and in my kind of way I started missing her, I hope she's not far away, it will be good to see her again. I started another one in my mind having finished London.
The next sketch I did wasn't what I had in mind, I had placed a three by four blank canvas on the easel. A man standing on rocks looking out to sea with a large surfboard under his arm and the surf was swelling around his feet. I gave him golden skin, bright green board shorts and amazing long blonde hair that flowed like a waterfall. It was long almost to his thighs and the wind had flipped long strands in the air and it had curled around his body in places. Freedom came to mind, freedom from family, the suit, the tie and by the time I realised it, I was done, and the sketch was finished, I knew who this man was, Evan.
I stared at the drawing for such a long time, only picking my crayon up to enhance some parts. I had to paint this because the urge was too strong, I checked Ayden then lost myself in my work. I had no idea how many more hours I worked on this painting but by the time my stomach butterflies settled down the first layer was finished. I almost cried when I stood back and really looked at it. The magnificence of the man in the painting was blinding.
His hair became the focus with just a hint of azure blue eyes looking out at the waves. I thought I can't keep doing this, I have to stop painting family and do some real work. Bubs needed a change so I turned the TV off and covered the painting, for some reason it was too painfully awesome to look at. I picked up my son who looked tired still and went to wipe him down. He gurgled and dahed his way through his wash then it was time for milk. Mashing some veggies and banana I got his dinner ready before I made hamburgers for us.
My mind was still on the painting and I tried to think of what made this one painting more powerful than any of the others I had done. I came up with nothing but I knew I had to do something special with it, not just hang it on the wall.