Chapter 52
Evan.
I knew exactly what this was all about. Den's trancing, the ability to predict the future, was the direct result of his memory pushing too hard to return. Every time his mind felt the shock treatments he underwent in that awful place, he tranced. It started slowly at first but eventually it was completely out of control. I knew he could go either way and was terrified at the thought I could lose him again to his dark demons. I had spoken to his doctor several times and he reassured me in part by saying the brain is an amazing organ, and there is so much they don't know about it. But he was confident his memory would return. He said although Den's trancing isn't common, it's not unheard of.
I hadn't shared any of Den's personal information with anyone, and I had watched him closely.
Every time he tranced his paintings improved to the point of pure genius. He didn't seem to remember anything and I knew it could go on for some time. I kept everyone away from him while this was happening to him. He always talked to himself and smiled while he painted like he knew exactly what he was doing. At these times I was at my lowest, not knowing how he would come out of it, or if he would come back to us at all. As for his fairy folk, I think he dreamt them up while he was in hospital to help him cope with the shocks and the pain of losing Ayden, it was all in his mind. I do feel the shack shift, and I did feel them once or twice, especially on the beach the day his memory returned, but apart from Dens painting's, I have never seen them.
I felt so blessed that Den and Carol came into my life. Before this there was nothing except work and home.
They had bought the apartment next to mine three months after I had moved in, and when little Ayden was born they asked me to be his godfather. I was the happiest when I spent time with Den, watching him create something beautiful out of nothing. He would either sit in his spare bedroom or on the balcony to paint, and many times I would watch from my sofa as he worked his magic. On a few occasions he asked me to massage his shoulders and I'm glad he never saw my boner when I did this.
I was aware I was falling in love with him one night when we shared a wine just looking at the stars. But that was long before Ayden arrived. I had the love bug big time, so I had to watch what I said around him, I certainly didn't want him to shut me out. Just being around him made me feel wonderful, he didn't realise how awesome he was and acted just like any other regular guy. I always thought Carol was oblivious to him and treated him like absolute shit sometimes. But I had seen he was no regular guy, he was an artist of the highest quality. His meticulous strokes always told a story, his eye for colour is mint and his brain would always come up with an original idea as far as his works are concerned.
I watched as Ayden slipped from Carol's arms and instinctively I moved forward to try and maybe grab him, but Carol was too fast. She followed him over the disintegrating railing and plunged to her death, it could easily have been my death that occurred.
"What do I do? How do I act?" Den was silently screaming inside, he held Ayden who miraculously had survived the fall unscathed. I steered him away from that awful scene. We never saw Carol as the neighbours had covered her, the many onlookers just stared at her lifeless body.
When I got them both inside I tried to take Ayden from Den but he wouldn't let him go. The ambos gave him a sedative and I settled him and Ayden into the bedroom. Placing Ayden next to him, I put cushions and pillows on the floor just in case. Den wept for some time as I talked to the police and firefighters about the accident. While I was talking to them my phone rang.
"Mr Spicer?"
"Yes, this is Evan."
"This is doctor Mills from the Monash palliative care unit, I have some sad news for you, your mother passed away at three pm this afternoon. We are so sorry and wish to convey our deepest sympathy to you and your family." I froze on the spot; how much more can I take? But I managed to reply,
"Thank you doctor; I will leave instructions at the front desk for the funeral home to pick her body up." I couldn't go and sit with her and didn't get one last chance to hold her hand. I had to stay and sort out my dear friend's issues. Tears didn't fully arrive until I climbed into bed later that night, I loved my mum so much.
When I hung up, Gordon and Jayne from the neighbouring apartment called by, they were talking to me about Ayden and I mentioned that I had to find a nanny urgently. They suggested their niece Susan who was in Melbourne for a trip around Australia, she was from the UK.
"How long is she here for?"
"Four weeks Evan, but can extend if it becomes necessary."
"Can you ask her to call by in the morning? I am covered for tonight but things will get crazy over the next week or so. Thank you for that, I appreciate you coming."
I didn't even offer them coffee because everyone was leaving and I just wanted to hold Den. I did this when the flat cleared. I laid on the bed next to him as he silently shook in his sleep. Waking around two am Ayden was ready for his bottle and was starting to get antsy so I took him and warmed his milk. With all this sadness around him he still managed a few smiles. He made me feel a little better as I fed him, he was a beautiful baby. I won't even go there at the moment, Carol and I had done a bad thing to bring Ayden into this world. But thank God Den rectified that when I returned from England.
While feeding this gorgeous little man, I started trying to make plans for Carol and mum's funerals but my brain was mashed, and I needed sleep if I was going to get through the next day. I changed Bubs and placed him next to Den, he reached his arm out and asked me to stay with him. My heart broke for both mum and Carol and it took me ages to go to sleep. Den eventually put Ayden into his basket then held onto me as I told him about mum. He turned me around and said,
"We will get through this together my beautiful friend?" Then he kissed me fully on the lips and I didn't resist, I only thought it was a comfort thing for him. Then he whispered,
"I love you." I heard it and I afforded the luxury of believing his words because I needed to hang onto something that seemed real.
In the morning I made up another bottle for Ayden who was stirring. Den was still asleep but restless, and when I went to wake him he was sitting up in bed babbling on about Ayden's black eyes and how he needed to paint them. I calmed him down by holding him, then I realised he didn't even know me. He didn't even acknowledge I was there with him, so I reluctantly called an ambulance and he was in a shocking state by the time it arrived. I couldn't help, I could only watch as they assessed him then carted him away. I urgently ran down the hall to get Susan, she was a gorgeous girl who was more than willing to look after Ayden for a few hours. I left her with him then rushed to the hospital.
"Complete mental shock, we are moving him to our psych ward. I need to sign him in so I'll show you the way, don't worry Evan, he will come back, I am certain of it," the doctor said.
I followed him down several corridors and when we finally reached Den's room, I found him just staring at the ceiling, nothing was said as I took his hand. His lips moved but his eyes were blank. I waited until the doctor was finished and I was alone with him. I kissed his lips and told him how much I loved him, then I held him in my arms and wept. Every day I went in there before work and some days I would bring Susan and Ayden in and she would place him on the bed with Den. More often she would sit with him all day and when I arrived they would catch a taxi home. She updated me at work but mostly there was no change. Oh yes, he smiled and he cried as he held Ayden sometimes, he even drew dark figures but he was oblivious to what was going on.
I rang Carol's family and organised her funeral while there was no telling when Den would come out of it. Mum's funeral was small and I tried to make it as personal and loving as I could. Susan propped me up at this time, she gave me strength to get it all done. She also helped with Carol's passing and had made a lot of phone calls as she notified Carol's friends and work. Hotels were booked and cars rented, she did this and more, as I said, we owe Susan so much.
Den's mother was notified but she didn't come to the funeral, as a matter of fact, she didn't come to see Den or Ayden either. She had told Susan she was too ill and couldn't travel anymore. I suspected she didn't like Carol too much but she should have come to see her son, but maybe I read too much into it. Maybe she is infirm and can't travel, and I did notice there were flowers from her at the gravesite.
I would rush home and shower then drive to where he was and mostly would sit until the nurses kicked me out. I helped bathe him and was always on hand when he had his main treatment. I thought they had abandoned shock treatment years ago, but the doctor assured me it was very mild and wouldn't damage his brain. It helped to realign his nervous system apparently.
I was totally exhausted and would flop into bed sometimes at two in the morning. Susan was my lifesaver, she looked after Ayden like his mum would have. If there was anything she needed, she just had to use my credit card or leave the receipts on the bench and I would reimburse her. She did all the things Carol would have done, take bubby to the park for some fresh air, cook, make sure I was eating, everything. I didn't want to take advantage of her so I hired a cleaning company to clean the apartment on a regular basis. I had moved Ayden's stuff into my apartment then locked Den's place up. You can imagine my relief when Den finally woke up after a treatment and surprisingly he wasn't full of difficult questions. I went with the doctor's suggestion, that we tell him he's had a bout of pneumonia.
He didn't seem to even connect the dots when Ayden was brought in. He was a little bit bigger than the last time he saw him, and he never let him go. He was a bit aloof for the first couple of days, but as I and the hospital staff had normalised everything, he went with the flow.
He took to Susan immediately, but she had a boyfriend so I knew they wouldn't connect in other ways. By now I was pretty sure Den was having some deep feelings for me, or was It just wishful thinking on my part? But I can still feel the softness of his first kiss.
His need to paint like the wind was a leftover from that hospital. I knew when he was like that, his mind was trying to remember something in his past, something he had forgotten. I'll give you one thing, I was shocked when he predicted Horse's heart attack, and more shocked the day he told me Ayden had gone blind and his eyes were black.
My heart sunk at the time, I thought he was going backwards into that awful dark place. But he didn't, yet when he suggested we buy a beach shack, I thought he was crackers. But like Rita I was so fucking excited about the prospect. Den was always spontaneous like that and had us all moving to a Golden Bay within four weeks, this is something I absolutely loved about him.
I felt a sense of belonging when I came back from England, it was a do or die moment for me. I slept in Den's bed because I wanted his smells, and I had automatically treated him like a long lost lover the night he came home. I had to push the envelope, he wasn't going to because he had no experience with guys.
"Sometimes you've just got to take the bull by the horns," Susan drummed into me. She never said Den was in love with me, just that we should talk about our feelings, they might surprise us both as they may be the same.
"Not now my beautiful friend, when you come home, when you have forgiven yourself and when you want to be with the people who love you the most, Ayden and I. We will be there waiting for you, for as long as it takes," Den had said to me in Hyde park.
The slice of heaven we bought on the beach came with some pretty cool playmates. Although I always had Den's mental state on my mind, we relaxed into that little community beautifully. Tony was right, when we arrived here everything came alive, we brought magic to the bay and everything we touched turned to gold. I knew it was Den. I wasn't so sure about Ayden but when Horse collapsed, I knew he had some connection to Den's mental state too.
His king and queen painting wasn't the one he had to paint, his memory tried to go there but it didn't until that night, it had returned almost fully. Ali had to come to the bay and along with him came his parents and some major bodyguards. I like to think they were the final key to unlock Den's memory. Whatever happened to Den on the porch that night only he knows, but I saw a shift in his words, a beautiful memory had returned and my love for him soared and without any regrets. He also had remembered he had feelings for me long before Carol's death. I watched him all that night and most of the morning. He is the perfect partner for me and I adore him so much.
I wondered about the hundreds of emails Cynthia had received from fans who knew of Den's fairy folk, and there were quite a lot. They all had seen them or felt them. Ali was one of them and he had the resources to come to the bay to meet Den and Ayden. I wondered if those writers had been through some memory loss, maybe something had to trigger those images. And it was a surprise to find out Ali's David was among them. I mused also if some of them would come and seek Den out eventually. I wondered if the emails were all from victims of some sort of brain trauma or life trauma. I had thought about it a lot when I was on my own.
I had also thought about the fairy folk, Den could have quite easily dreamt of demons instead. Tony had said his first attempt was to draw a bunch of ugly gnomes, so I'm assuming it could have gone the other way.
Mike had to destroy Den's painting to be cured, Spud had to beg for food to find a family and Ali had to come to the bay to be healed of his broken heart. They all had to be around Den, maybe they helped to push his brain to return. And let's face it, they did become part of our family and all three had some drama at one stage in their lives, but they weren't the only ones.
Ayden is walking fully now, he sometimes falls over but that's because he's a very busy little boy and runs everywhere. His favourite seats are either on Horse's lap, his high chair in the kitchen or just chilling out with his dads. He and Rita have very long conversations about the meaning of life, and Rita is a wonderful woman whom I thought Den was mad to insist she come to the bay. But now I think it was a given she came and lived with us, and to be honest we all would be lost without her company. I have never told her or Den she reminded me so much of my mum, and I do get a bit teary around her, especially when it's just us two talking.
But he was wrong on one point. I was the one who made sure there was water and food by the bed, but admittedly it was Rita's idea. I can still see my mum giving me the rounds of the kitchen and she always had something in her hand, like Rita.
I will keep that to myself, no need to add to the confusion.
Den seeing all our friends in the hospital I think was pure imagination on his part. But I believed him and I did go along with his explanations. The brain is a powerful tool, and if that's what it took to get his memory back then I'm not going to argue.
I believe Den won't trance anymore, not now his memory is nearly back to normal. I had wondered how that would effect his paintings but dismissed the thought when he started a new one a few days after his comeback.
It was better than his others, more intricate with more depth, as if that was ever possible. He had included everyone on the beach and they were all dressed as fairy folk, but human size. It was awesome and now sits on our bedroom wall, although Cynthia tried her hardest to snaffle it. I had already claimed the awesome painting and Den handed it over, no arguments.
Well I must go, Den's waiting and we are going to go into town to visit mum and Carol, it's been a long time since we were last there. Ayden's all dressed up in his white singlet and bright red shorts, he's a beautiful little kid, but like Den I miss his tiny baby smiles. They got me through some very tough nights when Den was sick. I always look at Ayden's painting when I'm passing it and my heart leaps when I see it, it could be his fairy folk, but it also could be love.
Book 1 The End.
Please give me a couple of months to write book 2 lolol