Ayden's Eyes 21
Spud carried Ayden while I carried the food basket and I noticed his white skin wasn't so white anymore - it was tanning beautifully. He's going to be a heartbreaker when he gets older. The waves were big today and pounded the shore with a thunderous noise.
We sat in the shade with bubs, who had found his truck. He wasn't really playing with it - his eyes were on his dad catching the waves. At one stage, Spud took him down to the shore and Evan gave him a little ride on his board. He made him hold on while he got behind him and paddled over to a less violent part of the beach. I couldn't hear his laughs, so I walked down closer to them.
When Evan pushed the board onto the beach, he took Ayden in his arms and bounced him up and down on the small waves, his fist was in his mouth so maybe the salt-water tasted good to him. I wrapped a towel around him and rubbed it to warm him up, he grinned and then flopped back into Evan's chest, laughing his head off. I am going to take him to the pool soon and start his swimming lessons, I think you're never too young to learn.
Sandwiches were handed out again and the guys were pumped to catch the waves while they were up. Assorted kids came by and spoke to the guys about surfing. They got the right answers and Blue showed them the basics. By this time, he had at least twelve kids surrounding him. When he came back, Alex said, "Blue, you should start a surf school. Put a sign in the shop window saying you have classes between ten and twelve and charge ten bucks a lesson. I'm sure it will be a winner."
"Nah, I haven't got time for all that. But, I don't mind giving the kids some tips."
"Just a thought, Blue." Alex grinned at me.
They started cleaning up and Spud joined them when they hit the water. He was awkward but he looked like he was having so much fun, that childhood he missed out on is happening now. I felt nothing but love for him as he got dumped for the tenth time, somehow I don't think he will be a hard-assed surfer. I think he's just doing it for the fun of it and Nuts was a good teacher and probably, apart from Rita, his other best friend.
I put Ayden down for his usual afternoon nap then returned the food basket. Turning the shop sign over to `Open', I sat and started doing Ayden's newest eye color painting. I now have five of them hanging in his room and this one will make six. They actually look good on his wall, better than the fairy folk I never got back to doing.
There were some kids in Rita's café getting chips and shakes and some adults having a late lunch. I started drawing the scene: it was very laid back, which was what I was seeing. I drew the first draft then thought I would start putting paint to it. In its present state, it wasn't alive, but when I add the color, it will start moving. I heard Ayden's calls, so I wiped my brush and put it back into the jar. He wasn't wet, but I put a clean nappy on him anyway, only because I wanted to talk with him for a while.
I dressed him in a cool outfit and he toddled off in his walker out to the porch. Spud had come back and was standing, just staring at my painting, I asked him if he liked it. He didn't answer, but I heard the sniffing.
"Oh Lord! What's wrong, Spud?" I put my arms around him and moved him to the table.
"How did you know?"
"Know what, kid?"
"That I tried to hang myself," he said softly.
"Oh God, no! What?" I looked at the drawing I had been doing and it was as plain as day: there was Spud hanging from the tree out the front of the café. My blood ran cold.
"Spud, I didn't know I was drawing you in it. It happens to me sometimes - I trance. I'm so sorry kid! What the fuck happened?"
"When I was thirteen, I tried to hang myself. My father caught me and locked me in my room. That's when I ran away. You are the only living person I have told this to Den. Not even Rita knows." He looked at me with his tear-streaked eyes and I saw absolute terror.
"Because I was different at school I was picked on relentlessly. That's why I didn't go that often -- but my parents didn't believe me. So one day I cleaned out my locker and left school for good. I found a rope and tried to hang myself in the garage, that's when my father went mental and locked me away. After three weeks, I escaped. The rest you know." He slumped.
"Spud, I won't be telling anyone about this. It's too horrible to even think about. I only pray that you find some peace here and stay with us for a very long time."
"I don't like to think about it, and yes, I am now at peace. I can stand on my own. You have made that happen. But why did you paint it?"
"I didn't know I was doing it. I think sometimes, when my subconscious wants me to know something important, it shows me in my paintings. I don't know why this has turned up because, believe me, I didn't have a clue."
"Can you paint over it?"
"I will do it now, but we have to talk a little more, later on hey?"
"Okay thanks."
I waited until he went to get my coffee and took a photo of it then began covering it over with a different look. I'm fucked if I know why. That tree is beautiful, but it has something to do with Spud's life, maybe? I contemplated having it removed but it was a good source of shade for Rita's café. Maybe I will talk to Evan - he knows most things, maybe he can work the message out.
Horse and Tony emerged from his room - they must have snuck up earlier. As I looked out the window, I saw them all red-faced and holding hands. They came up the back porch and went up through Rita's back entrance, maybe to get drinks. The sun had been good to us today, but I can see dark clouds coming over the horizon, everything fit for another stormy night. Hopefully, it won't be too bad.
Ayden was bouncing up and down, holding onto my chair as Blue had put some music on - he was showing us that he was going to be a champion dancer one day. He kept hitting my lap because he wanted me to look at his moves, and when Evan put his hand on my shoulder, Ayden fell into his legs. Evan bent over and held his nuts - his boy had got him fair and square in the balls. Poor baby, I know how that hurts so maybe I had better massage them for him later. I whispered into his ear that I would lotion them and he seemed to look a little better as he picked Ayden up, trying to distract him from another onslaught.
He started playing another game with him, one that Ayden loved ... `this little piggy went to market'. We play it all the time in bed and he gets a chuckle out if it. Evan does, that is.
Tony and Horse were going to have a look at the house so we all traipsed up the road to have a viewing too. It was in good shape for an old house: the bathrooms and kitchen needed updating and Tony said he would restore them to their original glory. It was upstairs he was more interested in. The oak staircase was in pristine condition and the upstairs, apart from some creaky floorboards, was surprisingly in good condition. Tony was explaining to us what he wanted to do and it sounded really contemporary to me: he is going to completely modernize it. I noticed Horse getting a little quiet so perhaps this move isn't going to completely suit him. He has been on his own for a long time and was happy when he finished his little house, but I got the feeling he was in two minds about this. On the way home I passed Ayden to him and slowed my pace. We fell behind so I took the opportunity to whisper to him,
"You're not happy with the move?"
He took his time to answer but finally said, "I love Tony, but I love my freedom to come and go as I please. It's going to be difficult, but I guess I will get used to it eventually."
"What do you want, Horse?"
"I want to stay put and I want to be with Tony, but not all the time. I guess I'm scared, that's all."
"Well maybe Horse you're not that deeply in love with him after all."
"I don't know, Den. He's gone to all this trouble buying this place. It's all so quick, that's all."
"Well, you're talking to the wrong person now. You have to talk to him. I know he loves you, but does he really understand your lifestyle?"
He didn't answer me - just kept walking, holding Ayden over his big shoulder. What a mess, poor Tony. I had better buy more tissues next time I'm in town.
It was curry night tonight. Spud had pulled himself together and seemed to be a little better but really didn't have time to think. When four o'clock arrived, the phone was ringing off the hook and many of his callers wanted to know if he did home deliveries. He hadn't thought of that, and I don't think he wanted to. I could see the café was going to be busy so I told Evan I was going to help, but Nuts and Tiny had beaten me to it.
One manned the phone and the other served the customers, getting their pick-ups. Blue and Alex did the tables and Rita, god bless her, did his cash register. That left him to just put everything together. There were two microwaves working non-stop and I felt it may be a bit too much for him, but with the guys there he was soon laughing at the madness of the situation. Really, he was just a kid trying to do an adult's job, even I could see that. He's been kicked from pillar to post the past few years and maybe he needs time to be a kid.
I had so much going on in my head that I missed Cynthia as she walked by, and it was Evan who called me into the store.
"Hi Cynthia, how are you?"
"Great, Den! I need to talk to you about something."
She took three of my paintings off the wall and one of Spud's. "I'll take these while we talk." She smiled.
I beckoned her to follow me to the lounge room as I needed to pack them properly. "What's up?"
"My friend Maggie Tate writes for the Sunday Arts lift out pages in the Herald Sun. She wants to interview you and Spud -- to do a feature I think, so she will ring you tomorrow to set it up. It will be good publicity for your gallery." She smiled.
"But won't that interfere with your sales?"
"No, Den. My customers are all overseas collectors. It's not worth them flying out to Australia to come here. Better they just order online from me," she giggled.
"I will ask Spud, but I don't see any problems. Thank you, Cynthia. You're awesome."
"That's okay Den, my pleasure. She's a nice lady - you will like her."
I tallied up her order then helped her to the car.
"Umm, Den. I bought four and you've got five here."
"That's a bonus from Spud. He painted your portrait as a thank you. I will let you open it in private. It's frigging awesome."
"He did that for me?"
"Yes, he's stoked you even bought one off him. As you know he's very shy." I smiled then kissed her cheek. "Drive carefully."
"See you soon." She beeped her horn and drove off.
"I'll get Evan to transfer more money tonight, Spud. You sold another one. I think it was the one with the camel on the beach." I smiled. He didn't have time to dwell on it but did thank me. I will tell him about the interview in the morning.
I know Cynthia's online store will settle down after the initial rush was over, but I had noticed Spencer was making regular deposits into my account and the other two galleries in Melbourne were doing well. I have a lot to talk with Evan about tonight, but by the looks of it, he was busy with a couple of teens who wanted wet suits. So, I ordered beef curry for us and told Alex not to hurry.
The money kept rolling in, and Rita was cooking up a storm. The other storm arrived in the guise of a slow drizzle, my not-so-favorite rain type. Ayden's little windcheater was found and Horse put it on him. He struggled, but better to be safe than sorry. He had his blanket over his legs and he was playing with Horse's fingers until he yelled. No bubs, you don't bite Horse's fingers, baby. I laughed.
Our dinner arrived along with a plate of chopped chicken with a few veggies for Ayden. Spud's curry sales eased up and he had time to sit down for a minute and was talking to Nuts quietly. I noticed Nuts turn and look at me then he took Spud's hand and was talking at length with him. I had no idea what the painting meant or whether it brought bad luck or good, but I do know something's in the wind. Evan shut the shop and had done well today. Hopefully, his urgent order for more wet suits will arrive soon - he was running out. We chatted for a while, then I yawned so Evan had me in bed within fifteen minutes.
"I want to talk."
"I want you to make love to me."
"After we talk."
"No, now."
"Pass the lube bubs."
We got that out of the way and, by the look on Evan's face, I don't think there will be much talking tonight - just the gentle sound of the rain on the roof. He was on a roll because he wanted to wash my body with his tongue at two in the morning. I didn't complain. We talked in the morning about Spud's terrible secret, then I told him about Horse's problem. He didn't have any answers, but did say as long as I painted the scene, it won't happen. Spud may improve for the better, like Nuts did. He also said that Horse and Tony have to work it out themselves.
I have to take Ayden into Sale today because he needs new clothes - he's growing so fast. His sleeping suit is getting a little tight and I want to get him some denim overalls to muck around in. I also need more supplies. Evan, Horse and Tony wanted to come and I think they don't trust me to pick cool clothes for my kid. We put a very confused baby into his seat, he's not used to going into town. Horse and Tony sat next to him and Evan drove. It was only a half hour trip and as we pulled into the Target car park, we had to wake Horse up. He must have had a late night.
I put Ayden in his cool ride and we headed for the kid's department. I didn't want to buy a lot because he will grow out of them in no time, but what we got was so cute. He had fun trying everything on, I think. We paid and Evan ran the goods back to the car. When he joined us again, we went to the Art supply shop, which didn't take long. I had a small list of things to get for Spud and some canvasses for me. Then it was time for a coffee and maybe a salad roll. We got bubs a high chair and ordered him some chicken nuggets for a change. It was a nice spring day: the sun was out and I could have gone to sleep except a woman started shouting at Horse and broke our peace and quiet.
"Where's my fucking son, you low cunt?" No prizes guessing who this was, and she was very drunk.
"Having the time of his life, Louise." Horse is a gentleman.
"Tell that little prick to ring me, I have things to tell him."
"And what would those things be, Louise?"
"Just tell Benji to ring me, and you keep your filthy hands off him too."
"The only filthy hands that have been on him, Louise, are yours. Now, you've been warned: stay away from him."
She laughed and turned to Evan.
"This filthy dog touched up his little boy. He's a pedo and should be in jail."
"Really? Would you like to come to the police station and repeat that statement and we can get on with the business of suing you for slander?"
That confused her. She swayed and looked at me.
"Don't look at me lady, he's the lawyer." I pointed to Evan.
"Give me my fucking son back," she screamed at Horse.
The manager of the café was trying to get her to move on and apologized to us several times.
"Come and get him, Louise. He's working in Golden bay. Try the café," Horse suggested.
She rocked then fell onto an empty table. I guess her legs finally gave way. I went inside and paid the bill and we left before she knew what had hit her.
"Come on Horse, she might follow us." I was sort of running to the car park.
"Settle down, Den. She's down for a while. She won't even remember she saw me in the morning, let alone where Blue is."
"But she might, Horse. She might turn up and cause trouble." I was only worried for Alex and Blue.
"She won't, but I will have a talk to Blue when we get back. I apologize to you all, but now you can see what she's like."
"Yes, Horse. Poor Blue! Poor you!" I was deep in thought.
"Did you actually call your son Benji?"
Horse cleared his throat and looked out the window. "I liked `Benji'," he muttered.
I found out later it was actually Benjamin and Horse couldn't stop laughing at my face. Blue was told about the encounter with his mother and he was a little pissed off, but he said if she comes here there won't be any trouble from him.
The next day a nice looking lady came up the stairs with a photographer following in her wake. This must be Maggie Tate. I introduced the boys and myself as the photographer took some photos of the outside of the shop.
"Hi, Den. Cynthia suggested we do a piece on you and Spud. We would have gotten around to it eventually but I had a cancellation in next month's lift out magazine, so here we are." She grinned.
"Blue, would you mind finding Spud and send him over this way?" I asked him. "Now, would you like coffee?"
"Yes, please, Den. Can we sit here?"
"Of course."
Horse took Ayden in his arms and he, Tony and Tiny moved down to the café however Evan stayed put. I stuck my four fingers up at Alex indicating four coffees. He nodded and went to organize them.
"Now, I want some photos of you both, and before Spud arrives, I want to tell you I promise I will not write anything on your wife's death. I will leave that in the past Den, but I am sorry."
"Thank you Maggie. I have moved on, but it's still a little sad. Thank you. Also, I have to ask you - can you just use Spud when you're talking about him? He doesn't like people using his real name."
"For sure Den. It's his choice - his real name isn't the issue - his paintings are."
"Well there's plenty in the gallery," I smiled.
"Roger, go get some photos of the guys' works, will you? And do some of the surf shop?"
"Sure, Maggie." Roger went into the shop then she put a small tape recorder on the table. Spud arrived and had changed into his jeans and t-shirt. He looked like any other teenager on the street.
"So young to be so talented, I am impressed. So pleased to meet you Spud. Please sit down and join us."
He was less nervous and very pleasant as she asked us regular questions she had previously written down in her pad. She looked through some of my drawings in the pad I had on the table, then asked Spud how he fell into the art world. I think he had been practicing because his answers were pretty much standard.
"Okay Spud, please relax. I'm not here to crucify you, I just want to get a feel of the real you, not these everyday answers. Please relax and tell me about the real you."
He stuttered and blushed his way through his graffiti days, he told her about his school bullying days and he touched on teenage suicide. He was brilliant and Evan looked at me and we were so proud of him. Maggie was impressed by his wisdom and I noticed her eyes filled with tears when Spud talked about his own struggle with suicide. But he didn't say anything about his incident in the garage.
She became addled and Roger asked if she could have a moment. I showed her to the bathroom, then went and got her a brandy. If my suspicions are right, I now know what this is all about.
"It wasn't you, Spud. It wasn't you in the painting with the tree. It was someone who Maggie knows; I just know it. Oh my God - what have I done?"
"Den, you don't know that for sure, and you haven't done anything." My Evan didn't get it. I felt the message was for her. Spud was speechless, he didn't know what was happening. I looked at the finished painting again, it had been leaning on the wall drying. I had put a teenage boy in it and he was playing with a skate board under the tree. He was laughing and emitted nothing but love in his face.
I motioned Roger over and asked, "What happened?"
"I shouldn't say Den, but her brother was killed train surfing ten years ago. He was bullied fiercely at school and was only thirteen at the time. She thinks he deliberately killed himself, but the coroner said it was an accident. She misses him like crazy and is a big advocate against school bullying. She does a lot for homeless teenage children so Spud's story just brought on a moment, that's all. Generally, she's a happy-go-lucky soul."
I went numb all over and stood to stop the butterflies in my stomach. I looked at Ayden having a good time with Horse and Tiny so went over to them.
"Can I borrow my son for a minute?"
"Everything all right Den?" Horse was concerned.
"I think so. We won't be a minute."
"I'm sorry everybody. I sometimes suffer a bit of depression but it's nothing. I think I have everything now so Roger, could you take some photos of the boys, please?" She was hurrying everything along, I think she was embarrassed.
"Hold my kid for a minute, Maggie. I think he wants to talk to you about journalism." She looked blankly at me, but by this time she didn't have a choice - Ayden was on to her like she was a chocolate bar. He found the most comfortable spot and stared at her with his beautiful blue eyes. She teared up again.
"Maggie, it was an accident."
"What?"
"Your brother's death was an accident. He's sending all his love to you and he feels bad that you still feel awful."
"What are you talking about?"
"Look at this painting I did for you a few days ago. He's happy and he wants you to be happy too."
I picked up the painting and showed it to her. She looked it over and when she saw it she nearly convulsed.
"I bought him that skate board. How did you find a photo of him?"
"I didn't. I trance sometimes when I paint and thought this was Spud in the painting, but it is your brother, isn't it?"
"Yes, that's Steven. I can't believe you did this. How's that even possible?"
It was Spud that talked next, "He trances sometimes when he paints, only when he has something important to tell someone. It may have come on with his stress when his wife passed and I think Ayden's got a lot to do with it. He has magic eyes Maggie."
Her eyes moved down to Ayden's and he smiled at her.
"Your brother didn't commit suicide. It was an accident. See - he's pointing to his broken shoe. I think it broke and he lost his balance."
She couldn't say anything, she just held Ayden to her breast and he sang her a baby song. I got up and motioned Roger and Spud to follow me, and Evan came too. We had quite a few photos taken of us in the gallery and then out on the back porch. When we got back she was on the phone and her brandy was empty, so I poured her another one.
"Yes mum, could you, just this once? Please have a look, do it for me, please? Thank you."
She drank the other small brandy then stared at me. Alex brought a fresh pot of coffee out and started pouring drinks for us all. He was looking at Maggie intently, then we heard,
"Oh mum, then it's true. Steven didn't commit suicide but slipped and fell. Mum, I will be there in two hours. I have a story to tell you, I love you so much mum." She hung up with tears dripping down her cheeks.
"Thank you, I don't know how to thank you Den and Spud. The clothes he was wearing were stored in his room and I made mum go look at his runners. The left one is torn and twisted."
Roger sat next to her and held her for a moment.
"I'm okay. Really, I am. This is just amazing. I feel sad but somehow peaceful, perhaps I was destined to come here today? Who would have known I would get answers from a complete stranger, a complete angel of a boy, and this little one that can't stop smiling at me?" She kissed Ayden's face several times and he made more baby noises.
While all this was going on, the others, plus Rita, were standing up the other end of the porch watching us. She couldn't help herself and came over.
"Did you do it again, Den?"
"Yes, Rita. I still haven't a clue how it happened."
"You're psychic. It happens, but you're not as powerful as Bobby Thompson Den. Still, your pretty bloody good," Spud said.
Maggie had started smiling by now so Horse took the opportunity to break the mood.
"Lady, can I have my nephew back now? I've got to feed him."
She gave Ayden his last kisses and smiling she passed him to Horse.
"He needs changing while you're at it, I can smell poo."
She let out a big giggle.
Horse grunted and took Ayden in to change him. We sat there just talking for the next hour and by the time Maggie and Roger left with the painting, she was laughing. I think her dark feelings have left and I was so pleased for her and her mum. I stood to go sit with Evan and as I did my stomach filled with thousands of butterflies. I gripped the table and swayed, it was Steven saying thank you. When they calmed down I turned my face to Evan who was still watching me. Then they came back as he gently kissed me but nothing much more was said.
Tony was going back to the city tonight and he and Horse had a moment in the back yard before he waved as he drove off.
Horse came up so Rita sat with him and Blue for a while before she joined us. She had Ayden on her lap and his eyes were drooping again, so she put him in his cot. We went to kiss him good night and were rewarded with endless sleepy smiles.
We returned to the table where Spud was being cuddled by Rita, and I think he was dead tired too. So I took Evan's hand and said goodnight. We made sure our son had dropped off, then showered. Evan was a predator and had me twisted every which way in our bed, but I wasn't complaining, however he was when I produced that vibrator.
"Pass the lube, Bubs." He did groan.
I had a chance to talk to Horse in the morning but Blue and Tiny had grabbed Evan early. I think Horse was staying close to the café just in case that certain someone turned up. I made us coffee and ordered bacon and eggs for two and after giving Rita her morning hug, I went back to the table.
"Now, did you talk to Tony?"
"Yes Den. It's all right. I thought he might get a little upset but he's fine with me staying here."
"Horse, why do you want to stay here? It's not like you're going miles away; you'll be just three houses up the road."
He blushed and stammered his way through his answer, "I can't leave Blue, and I can't leave you, Evan and Ayden. I don't know why, but I feel I have just found a family that understands me, and I want to hang around here for a while."
"But you can have Ayden for sleepovers anytime you want, and Blue's safe with Rita and us to look out for him."
"It's just I will miss this if I moved in with Tony. I would be sitting on this porch wishing I was here with you guys."
"I understand but how does he feel?"
"Well, he told me he didn't buy the house for us, it was an economic decision to move here. He said he loved me and wished we could wake up together every morning, but he understood my concerns. We have decided to have our own sleepovers - maybe not every night but every other day."
"Oh, that sounds okay then. Maybe when you both get to know each other better, things will change. You've been on your own for so long so I suppose it will be hard for you, and of course Tony -- let's not forget, this relationship is all new for both of you."
Alex delivered our breakfasts and we dropped the subject.
"While we are talking about family, where's Ayden?"
"Still asleep I think. Want to go check?"
"Sure." He got up and walked into the shop and I could hear my son giggling, so I suppose he's awake.
"Horse, there's something else that has been bugging me. Can I ask you about Tiny?"
"Of course Den. What do you want to know?"
"Well, I know he was going to be a doctor but how does he fund his lifestyle - like he doesn't seem to go to work or anything?"
Horse laughed as he fed Ayden some scrambled eggs.
"Tiny and I have been mates since we went to pre-school together. He was doing his medical thing in the city but the surf was calling him all the time. His grandmother left him and his sisters a big old house in Golden Bay and quite a few properties in Sale, and a shit load of money. So he chucked his studies in and moved back here, and to the surf." He was full on laughing now. The penny dropped.
"So Tony's house was Tine's?"
"Yes Den. He's been trying to offload it for years now."
"Oh, and he's wealthy?"
"Yes Den, more money than we've all got, but it's all tied up in stocks and bonds. He lives off his rentals."
"Where does he live?"
"In the big old house in Sale, but he hates being there alone. He should have married ages ago but it has'nt happened for him."
"Oh." I had a lot to think about.