Ayden's Eyes 2 Maxieplus
We loaded Ayden into the car then secured his stroller in the boot of Evan's car which is a Ford SUV; not the top of the range but still very nice. My car was still sitting in the garage and I haven't used it for months but Evan drives it to work sometimes just to keep it going. He carefully drove us up to Richmond where we found a secure car park then got Ayden who was still fast asleep and settled him in his baby ride.
After looking in three shops we still hadn't seen anything we liked, that was until we walked into what looked like an interior decorator's dream warehouse. All Aussie made goods from candles to enormous candelabras, solid wood furniture and glass top tables. The guy behind the counter looked familiar to me, maybe I had met him somewhere; but the shop name was unfamiliar. He looked up firstly at Evan then me; his face changed into a large smile then a slight frown like he had remembered something.
"Good morning Den, good to see you again." He held his hand out. "Sorry mate my mind is a mash today, have we met?" "It's understandable you don't remember me, Tony Gable, we shared space at Louise's gallery in Prahran last year, you sold heaps, I sold a coffee table to your wife." He managed to sort of laugh. I remembered him then. He was an artist and most of this stuff was his own work, for a young gun he was bloody brilliant. "Of course Tony, now I remember, this is my mate Evan Spicer." They shook hands and it was then that I noticed something maybe had clicked with them.
"I am sorry for your loss Den, a terrible accident, I won't go on but if there's anything you need just let me know." He was genuine. "Thank you, it's been tough lately but I'm moving into a more kid friendly place and need furniture, could you help me by showing us your amazing stock." I managed a smile and I knew I would buy something from him, Carol had loved our coffee table so I won't leave it in the apartment I will take it with me.
"What exactly did you need?" He looked at me then Evan, who took up the conversation. "He needs a dining room table and chairs, two large sofas, maybe a sideboard, bedside tables and several lamps and we will see after that. I notice you don't sell beds but we can get them elsewhere." "I have bed sets and I'm an agent for the mattresses if that will do?" "Perfect." Evan was staring at him and he was by all standards better looking than Evan. I don't blow my own horn but I'm not too bad in the looks department either and maybe I was a bit put off he didn't fancy me so I laughed under my breath. At least some humour is returning to my life.
I admired an amazing ten-seat red gum table that had a mirror shine to it, and in the knots there were bugs that had been captured by the lacquer that set them suspended in time. What a talking piece and at four grand I thought it was a bargain. Evan then chose the two bulky four seater sofas and dining chairs which were mismatched, but they will look awesome and a nice sideboard was added to the bill. I wanted something contemporary for the bedrooms and chose the modern art deco bed heads, the matching deco side tables were sleek and went perfectly with the wrought iron bedside lamps.
I ordered the king size mattress and base making sure it was the softest one. We spent a small fortune with Tony and he gave us a very generous discount with a promise to come to dinner after I had settled in. He will get his movers to deliver and set up everything, and then he will come by and help style it.
"He likes you," I leaned across and whispered to Evan. "He doesn't you know Den; he likes your money better." Evan smiled but I sort of knew he liked Tony. I walked off with Ayden and left them to talk addresses and such, maybe Evan and he will date. I felt a little uneasy but nothing I could pin point, just a familiar knotty feeling in my stomach. I tried to analyse it but came up with almost nothing, just a nothing feeling that maybe my friend will find love in this quiet shop in Richmond.
Ayden started to stir and if I don't find a change room soon I will have to change his nappy in the car park. "Evan we better be going, Ayden needs changing and feeding." "You can do it in my office Den, there's a microwave to warm his bottle with too, do you both want coffee?" "Thank you Tony that's a great help and coffee is always a welcome bonus." I smiled at Evan.
I changed my boy who by now had decided he was hungry and was singing his hungry song at the top of his lungs, but he soon settled down when I put his milk bottle in his mouth. He sucked away like there was nothing in this world better than his milk, then his eyes drooped and I thought if I don't keep him awake to finish he would be hungry again in a few hours.
Evan and Tony talked non-stop about his business and workshop; at one stage he took him out the back to his warehouse to show him more works. They were a while and I contemplated going to find them but Ayden decided to burp up most of his lunch. I found the bathroom and cleaned myself as best I could. By this time my little ball of fat was asleep again; that kid is always one step ahead of me and gets me every time, never misses.
"He asked me to go on a date with him tonight." "Are you going to go?" "I suppose so, he's kind of cute and fun to talk to." "As opposed to grumpy old me eh?" "No Den, I don't see you that way, there's been a lot happening in both our lives lately and you have an excuse to be moody." He laughed.
He carefully drove us home and I planned the next thing I needed to do but will wait until I move in; then go to the supermarket to stock up the kitchen. All my linen and household goods were still in storage so I will get them delivered tomorrow. Evan gave me the number and I organised with the storage man to have the pod dropped off in the driveway so I can unload it at my leisure, they will pick it up when it's empty. Today has been a monumental day for me, I have laughed more that I have in months, gone shopping and actually talked to a stranger on the phone, thank god, I think I'm starting to heal.
"It's Saturday tomorrow so I can come and help you." Evan smiled. "No it's okay Evan, sleep in and relax for the day, you've done enough for me and it won't be hard to do." I was thinking of his date and wanted him to feel he can sleep in if he has company and not to rush because of me, but again I felt alone. Later in the day he went for a shower and changed into his jeans and t-shirt and looked amazing, in his casual dress he looked like any other good looking guy that's going on a hot date.
"You have fun tonight mate, if you want to bring him home I will be out of the way by ten okay?" "That's not going to happen Den, we are just going to a pub he knows in Chapel street and only for a few beers that's all." "Okay but you kind of like him don't you?" "Of course I do but..." He didn't finish because my boy had started his, `I'm hungry,' routine again. I knew this would happen, being left alone on a Friday night. Susan had gone out to organise a few things and she really will be missed at my new place but I have to start doing this on my own. It's what I'm supposed to do, just my son and me and peace and quiet is all I want for now.
"Sorry, got to feed the little monster again." "It's okay Den, I will see you around ten." "Sure you don't want to fuck him?" He blushed and stammered, "Of course not... no!" I didn't believe him and again I felt a sort of loss.
By this time, it was seven thirty and he had to go meet his date while I saw to Ayden and we sat in front of the television and chilled. I'd brought his bouncer out and placed it on the floor next to the sofa but the next minute I was being shaken awake. "What time is it?" "Just after eleven Den." "Aiden?" "In his cot, time to go to bed buddy." I was still half asleep but remember I was a little put out because he said he would be home by ten. "Who do you think you are coming home so late? Go to bed young man," comes to mind, but I think I dreamt it.
I half woke up and stretched and sensing I wasn't alone I turned over and came face to face with Evan who was staring at me. I lifted up on my elbow. "What, what the hell am I doing in your bed?" "Umm you headed this way last night and by the time I got to you, sleep intervened and I didn't want to wake you." He smiled that bloody beautiful smile again. I laid back and rubbed my face. "How was your date, did he get lucky?" "No, he didn't but he tried. I told you Den; I'm not looking for a quickie." My hand had snaked down into my jocks and I started scratching an itch that had appeared in my pubes. "Tell me you're not masturbating Den." He laughed at my confused face. "Fuck off, if I was, you wouldn't be in this bed with me while I was doing it."
He laughed again and threw the covers back then headed for his en suite but I noticed a big bulge threatening to pop out his fly. He turned around and said before he scooted out the door,
"Oh and sorry I was late home daddy; we ran out of petrol." He laughed and I blushed. I didn't dream of telling him off but it was good to hear him laugh, it warmed me but when I thought of it I was still slightly pissed off he was so late. I heard the shower and because he mentioned it, I took my member in my fist and started stroking but I had to pull the plug because I didn't want to get my jizz all over his nice sheets. Following my cock out to the kitchen I willed it to go down while I put the kettle on. I actually had to cum in the shower because I had a flash of both of us in bed pulling ourselves off; it kind of turned me on. It's been months since I've had a fuck, even when Carol was with me we didn't do it that often, too tired, too sleepy, got a headache all that, she was a wonderful mother and wife but not very sexual.
I unloaded in the shower and for a moment, just a fleeting moment, I wondered what it would be like to have Evan's mouth on my dick. I have had thoughts like that before but usually put them down to being inquisitive that's all, or maybe to be honest... desperate.
"What time are you going to the house Den?" "As soon as I get Ayden's toys and clothes into the car. They are dropping the pod off this morning so I can get started on that and if Susan is going to be around I can get her to babysit." As if on cue, Sue emerged from her room and said, "Susan's around and tired, Ayden's been changed and fed and he's gone back to sleep." She walked out with her hair all over the place. She is a gorgeous girl and my loins did stir when I was around her but it's a no go zone, everything is still too raw for me to be thinking of moving on.
"Thank you Sue, will you need a lift to the airport when you fly?" "No thanks Den, Patrick is taking me out and I'll let you know when I'll be back but in the meantime I want photos of Ayden, I am going to miss him and you guys so much." She sat at the table and had her toast and coffee and when I looked up, Evan was staring at me.
"What's the matter?" "Nothing Den, nothing at all." He went to dress for the day and I watched him walk away. "He thinks you and I have a connection going on," Susan said out of earshot. "What?" "I think he's maybe a little jealous." She was being serious. "Jealous of what, there's nothing to be jealous of." I was confused. "Don't stress Den, he's a great guy and he loves you to death." "I love him too Sue, he's been so good to us and without him I would have gone completely insane by now. God only knows where Ayden would be without him too." "I don't think he's liking your move; can you do me a big favour Den?" "Sure anything." "Can you try and keep him in your life after you move? I know he will be lonely again and I sort of worry for him." "What do you mean, of course I could never forget him, he's family, my family and what do you mean by lonely again, I didn't know that?" I was shocked she said that, of course Evan will always be in my life. I had wanted him to move in with us.
"He's been on his own for years Den and they were lonely years, he's waiting for Mr. Right but he doesn't seem to exist for him. I'm worried he will be lonelier than he was before you and Carol moved in." "How? How do you know all that?" "We talk Den, just talking that's all, like you do with me."
I was more confused than before; Susan was talking in riddles. Evan was being off handed and Ayden needed my cuddles because I can hear him stirring again. I went and picked up my now chubby baby before walking him out to sit in the lounge room. He was squealing and smiling at my antics and ugly faces I was pulling and it was such a joy looking into his trusting, blue eyes. Evan went out without saying anything, I wanted to chase him but thought better of it, I really don't want to ask him difficult questions.
I arrived at the house with a carload of stuff and parking out the front I checked the storage pod was in the drive, it was. After ten trips into the house I finally emptied the car. I opened the sliding door at the side of the house then used my code to open the pod. Everything was packed in perfectly, boxed and labelled so I knew which room to put each box in. A quarter way through Evan arrived with Ayden but Susan had to go out and he thought by now I would like a coffee. "I'm pooped and coffee is just what I need, want to sit out the back?" "Sure Den." He seemed in a better mood.
He took Ayden's basket and popped it on the bench and sat facing him and blowing on the coffee because it was scalding hot. I looked down at the table and saw it. Among the dust was a heart with, `Evan loves ...', written in it. I remembered Evan doing that earlier this week. Evan loves who? Who does Evan love? He never told me he was in love and I haven't seen him with anybody except Tony, I should know these things.
"So who do you love Evan?" "What?" "Here you wrote Evan loves. Who?" "Just silly doodling Den, it means nothing mate." "Okay but you'll tell me if Tony's the one won't you?" "Sure but I don't think he's the one and only Den, I might not even date him again." "Why, he's nice?" "He's not me, he's not...the one." He left it unsaid and sipped his coffee. I thought about it for a while. In my head I was secretly pleased, but why? That's what I couldn't understand.
"Will you change your mind about moving in with me Evan, there's plenty of room and it is your place?" "No Den, you need to get back to some normality in your life and me being around will be a distraction. I would like you to start painting again, I used to love watching you create something wonderful out of nothing." "Well if it's ever going to happen, it will be in this place, that attic is perfect."
He helped me get the rest of the stuff out of the pod and then we started opening boxes to put linen and towels away in cupboards, bathroom products and kitchen stuff emptied out and put where they lived. By the time we had finished it was late and Ayden needed feeding again so we locked up and went home. Evan changed the baby while I made up his formula. He was pulling faces at him and I could hear baby giggles, he's growing so fast he will be crawling soon. Evan fed him while I watched the news but the slurping made me look over. Evan had a tear dripping down his cheek so I put my hand out to turn his face to mine.
"What's up, please tell me?" "Nothing, just getting a little down that's all."
I had realised that I wasn't the only one grieving, Evan must have been hurting so much yet he was looking after me. Maybe it's time we had a good talk, maybe it's time I looked after him for a change?
"It's okay Evan, I understand." I rubbed his shoulder. "Do you?" "Yes my friend, I forget sometimes that you are family and you loved Carol as much as me. I'm sorry I get a bit self absorbed sometimes, do you want to talk about it?" "No Den, but it's not Carol; one day I will tell you but for now I'm good. It's just every now and then I get a bit down and start feeling sorry for myself, everything's okay though, it passes quickly."
He placed a towel on his shoulder and started burping bubs. He was smelling and kissing his head until he let out a noisy ripper, no milk, good! After that chubby bubby was put to bed, his night-light was switched on and we both kissed him goodnight. "Why don't you move in with us Evan, please?" I thought I might make a last ditch effort. "No Den, you need some space and you need to get back to your work. I think the house is ideal for you and Ayden, nice and quiet." "But we will miss you, think about it again will you, there's plenty of room?" "I won't be in Melbourne for the next few months Den, I have been ordered to the Sydney office to work on a major class action." He played with his cup. "What? When were you going to tell me, you can't go, we need you, Ayden needs you, I need you." "And you need me because?" He opened his hands. "Because I do, you're family, you're my only friend and we have lived through some terrible moments and some good ones, you can't go."
I was getting mad because I knew he had to go and there wasn't anything I could possibly do about it. "I'm leaving Thursday next week Den, don't be mad, it's work but I'll be back. Maybe you both could come to Sydney for a weekend or I could come home? Time will fly by." "But you can't go, I won't let you, I need your help," I almost begged. "No you don't Den, you need to start a new life and there's a big world out there for you and Ayden. Make a new path, meet new friends and maybe just maybe you will find someone to share it with again." "No chance of that ever happening, I just want my son and you in my life, you make everything feel safe and calm. You helped stop the screaming in my head and somehow you dulled the hurt in my gut." "I'm glad I could do that for you, you deserve to be happy again." He didn't say anything else and I was mad at him, pretty selfish of me but he should stay here with us.
I got up to check on Ayden around one am as Susan wasn't expected home and as I changed his nappy I thought about the cold void Evan's leaving will bring back again. Just then I felt a hand on my shoulder and he said, "Everything okay in here?" "Yes Evan, looks like he will sleep through the night, why are you up?" "Can't sleep, too much going on in my brain." "Want some company?" "Sure if you want."
I didn't say but I hadn't slept so well myself, I felt lonely and considering our set up these past months it was becoming natural for us to have sleepovers. I jumped into bed turning the light off on my side. Evan moved to his side away from me so I moved closer to him throwing my arm across his shoulder, we are friends after all and if he hurts I hurt and vice versa. I was almost asleep listening to his even breathing then I heard him whisper almost silently, "Evan loves Den." Then his gentle snoring started, I must have dropped off because the next thing I heard was, "Coffee sleepy head?" I stretched and thanked him. It doesn't matter where I sleep I will always feel safe when he's there. I slept like a log last night and for once in a long time I was alert and smiling this morning.
"Did you sleep well buddy?" "Yes Den, I must have died as soon as my head hit the pillow, I can't understand why I couldn't do that earlier." He smiled. "Probably you needed some male testosterone to lull you into night nights." "Maybe." He again grinned. He sat on the bed and we chatted about Sydney while we drank our coffee but he wasn't very forthcoming about his work and I thought maybe it was because of secret lawyer's business.
I loaded the car again and headed for the house and Evan had to go into work today to finish up something or other. Ayden and I had a great time, he rolled around on the floor trying to get himself co-ordinated and his giggles were warming my heart. Tomorrow the furniture arrives and this afternoon I have to go buy some white goods which hopefully will be delivered tomorrow. I really need a washer and dryer, my son loves to mess himself ...often. Then after I do that all I have left is my workroom and getting Ayden's baby stuff sorted.
I hauled us into Harvey Norman's as they have heaps of stuff. I collared a helpful salesgirl and started in the electrical section. Washer, fridge, microwave, a very nice mirror and assorted other things and the girl assured me they would be delivered and set up tomorrow. Ayden is due for a feed so instead of doing the supermarket I drove us back to Evan's.
Nobody was home so I set about settling Ayden by firstly giving him a bath. I loved him like this, all clean and smelling of baby powder. I blew raspberries on his tummy and he laughed, then as he slept. I went into my apartment and started packing up my paintings. Most I will send off to the galleries but will keep the portraits and in future they will only be seen by me. I rolled up the big tarpaulin that protected the carpet from the paint and washed and boxed the many mixing jars leaving not much else to do except clean, but that can wait until the builders have finished.
Susan was there when I got back and was packing to leave in the morning, she was spending a last night with her Aussie boyfriend then she will be gone. We sat and talked about her future for awhile but Evan still hadn't arrived home and I was getting a little worried about him, he's never late. He didn't answer his phone either, but that's nothing new; he hates talking on the phone he once told me. Eventually he rolled in around nine looking the worse for wear, he said he had a work do and had caught a taxi home. I've never seen Evan drunk, he's usually the sober one yet he opened a bottle of wine and I had a glass, we toasted Susan then she had to go. It was a sad goodbye and she promised she would be back in Australia very soon. We are going to miss her so much and Ayden maybe will fret.
We discussed what I'd done today and then I changed Ayden, gave him some more milk and he was out again for the night. I will leave his door open just in case he wakes, in the recent past that was Sue's job. After saying goodnight to Evan I crawled into bed and I read for a while then turned the light out. I was exhausted and my sleep came fast. I woke during the night and checked on Ayden then when I was drinking a glass of water by the sink I remembered what Evan had said just before he went to sleep last night, `Evan loves Den.' Did he mean me or someone else? He was late getting home, maybe he's getting sick of my company, maybe he's seeing a client or workmate?
It did cross my mind a long time ago that Evan was very drawn to me, he always encouraged me in my art and even had bought two paintings. One was a Melbourne scene with bright trams and trains in it while the other was a self portrait, the only one I have ever done of myself. It wasn't that good, I didn't like it but Evan did, he got it at mate's rates and it hangs in his bedroom. I wondered again if what he said was true and getting back into bed I cupped my balls and started stroking. I was actually thinking I was screwing Evan's firm round ass, it wasn't gross to me but felt natural and I blasted out a thick wad. it's a shame Evan can't have babies; he would make a wonderful daddy.
Maybe he does love me? I know he does and I love him in my own way, I couldn't imagine not having him in my life. I drifted off again and the nightmare I had was horrible; I again woke up in a cold sweat. It was almost dawn so I checked bubby and found his nappy needed changing again. While I gently did that he woke up so I put some milk on and fed him on the sofa, he gurgled and slurped his way through three quarters of it but wouldn't take anymore. I burped him again and he wasn't sick this time so I wrapped him up neatly and held him in my arms, just staring into his crystal blue eyes. Carol's eyes were blue, mine are green. I couldn't make love to Carol after Ayden was born, she had turned right off sex and blamed having a baby. It didn't seem to worry me because I was never over sexual, anyway my fist was just as good in the shower, well the next best thing.
"Your up early." Evan walked out in his jocks looking like he had slept well. "Yeah had a nightmare but it's all gone now and this little roll of fat wanted up so I've just been giving him lessons on life's important things." "And what are they Den?" "Eat, shit, sleep and giggle." I laughed. "Coffee?" "Yes please mate that would be nice."
I placed Ayden in his bouncer and he played with the rattles that were strung across the shad. I then took my pad and pencil out and started drawing his eyes, I wanted to remember what they looked like when he was a bub. My pad was full of dark thoughts, that was the result of when I felt down. I sometimes drew something about then but never went back to check if they were any good or not.
"Eyes, beautiful eyes Den, the house is going to be so good for you, I can see an improvement in your work already." "You've been peeking?" "Do you mind?" "Not really." "Someone has to check on your improvement." He placed the coffee on the table and I put my pencil down and said,
"Tell me." "Well I'll only tell you about the last five. The first ones are too dark but then I noticed you had taken your black coat off and had a blue t-shirt on and you were standing in a meadow in number five. The fourth you drew was of Susan and some London landmarks, your Big Ben will be amazing. The third is your new house and you are in the backyard drinking coffee with a mate and the second is of me I think lying on a beach. You got my skin tone right, now this one is of Ayden's eyes and I'm thinking when you put colour to them it will burst into life." "That's very observant of you Evan, and the rest?" "Don't go back there Den, it's a place none of us want to re-visit anytime soon." "Thank you." "It's okay, the last five have more colour than I have seen for months, keep it up."
I flipped back a few pages to look at the one I had done of him and he was magnificent, the glow from the sun on his face was ethereal. "You made me more buffed, or is that the way you see me?" "It's real Evan, it's how you look, do you want me to paint it for you?" "I would love you to paint it Den but let's leave it for now, do the eyes first, even from here I can see their amazing depth." I looked at him, no I stared at him, he dropped his eyes. I didn't want to embarrass him so I put the book down and got up to make breakfast.
"What time are the deliveries?" "Around lunchtime." "Do you want me there?" "Of course I do but if you have work I'll understand." "No, day off today, got to get ready for Sydney." "Don't go Evan," I whispered. "I have to," he whispered back then coughed. "Then hurry back to us please." I needed him to be around.