Ayden's Eyes 1
Maxieplus
This story contains sexual situations between two males. If material of this nature offends you then you should not read this story. If you are under 18 years of age you are probably not legally allowed to read this Story. This story is purely a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons living or dead, or to events that may have occurred, is purely coincidental. The author claims all copyrights in this story and no duplication or publication of this story is allowed (except by the web sites to which it has been posted) without the consent of the author.
Please feel free to e-mail me at... maxieplus@hotmail.com
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Chapter 1
I wanted to die along with her when Carol accidentally fell to her death from the third story balcony of our city apartment. For a split second my mind was drawing me to follow my beautiful wife into the blackness. She had been happily dancing around the room and was watching as I fed our two-month old son Ayden his bottle of warm milk.
She had danced from the lounge room out onto the balcony where she waved her hand to our next-door neighbour Evan; then absentmindedly leant on the safety rail. It seemed to give way in slow motion but my wife disappeared within seconds. I didn't hear the screaming; I didn't see her body smash on the pavement below because I was too busy screaming my lungs out. I held my son to my chest, he was oblivious to the meaning of my sobbing because he was only tiny at the time. The pounding on the apartment door forced my mind back to the present, so I slowly placed Ayden in his carry crib and then I opened the door.
Standing face to face with Evan I was trying to make out what he was saying but I couldn't hear him. I began shaking uncontrollably and felt so sick I thought I was going to pass out. A torrent of tears was running down my face as I held onto his shoulders and cried into his chest. His hands stroked my back as he himself cried and deeply shook with grief. I pulled away then moved around him; then I ran through the fire escape door and down the stairs with him close behind me calling my name. When I arrived at the scene my lungs were ready to burst. A few people had gathered and someone had placed a blanket over her lifeless body on the pavement.
"What do I do, tell me what do I do, how do I do this?" l
Looking for strength all I saw were ghostly faces.
Evan pulled me hard to him and wrapped me in his strong arms, again stroking the back of my head. I folded into him grateful for any kind of warmth because I felt so fucking cold. I heard him say quietly and gently,
"Den you do exactly what you are doing now, you scream, you get mad, be sad and you grieve until there's nothing left."
"But Evan, what's happening, is this nightmare true or am I going completely insane?"
"Oh Den," I heard a loud guttural sob coming from his throat.
"I have rung the ambulance and police and Jayne and Gordon are here, they will keep the crowd away from her. I don't think there's anything else we can do Den, she's gone."
"No, no, no, no it's not true, it's not true," I whispered as I wept bitterly and hung onto him like grim death.
"Den I was out on my balcony when Carol danced out. I saw the railing collapse and there wasn't any way anyone could save her, she would have died instantly, she couldn't survive that fall Den, I'm so bloody sorry."
It was then everything got crazy, I went into a zombie like trance I could hear people but couldn't speak
I sobbed loud and long and he cried with me. The ambulance by then had turned up and I watched as they checked Carol's lifeless body. A Mica van came with the police and fire brigade. My head was hurting as Evan and an ambo led me back to the apartment, we took the lift this time but it seemed to take ages to arrive and I was worried about Ayden being on his own. The ambo briefly checked me out then told me to take the pill he was offering, so Evan got me some water and I downed it.
Neighbours started knocking on the door wanting to know what happened but I couldn't talk to them, I couldn't even look them in the eyes because I didn't know how I was supposed to act. I just wanted her back then everything would be normal again, but it won't be normal, my life won't ever be normal again, ever.
The police arrived and that was another nightmare I had to get through. I think they were trying to tell me I had pushed my beautiful wife off the balcony, why were they saying that to me? They backed off after some detectives examined the balcony and Evan took them in next door to show them how unstable the balconies were. The ambo suggested Evan call family so they could help look after Ayden but Carol's family lived in Amsterdam and my mum lived north of Townsville, thousands of miles away. I suddenly became aware that Ayden was still asleep in his crib so I looked pleadingly to Evan and he went and got him. Placing this small, fragile bundle in my arms I again I wept into his blue baby blanket.
The apartment was filled with strangers; police, ambos and a couple of firefighters who took hundreds of photos of the balcony alongside the detectives.
I couldn't stand the noise any longer so moved to my bedroom where I sat until everything had calmed down. Evan dealt with the questions, after all he had seen it happen close up whereas all I could say was I wanted her back and for them all to go away.
I was becoming very drowsy and just wanted to sleep so I wouldn't have to think about it, I placed Ayden next to me packing a pillow beside him. I then lay on the bed holding my son while looking at the photo of Carol and myself taken at a function we had gone to only a month ago. She was glowing in her silver gown and I was so proud of her that night. She had given birth to Ayden a month before and she was lucky because she regained her figure almost immediately. I had my standard black suit and bow tie on with my usual dark, three-day growth. She is blonde so we were like chalk and cheese, her white milky skin stood out next to my olive tone.
I woke to a rustling noise; Ayden was no longer on the bed but I could hear him crying his baby squeal. I moved to the living room where I found Evan feeding him on the couch, his noises immediately stopped when the bottle was placed in his mouth. Carol couldn't feed him naturally as her milk was like water so we had to put him on formula almost immediately, it wasn't ideal but what could we do?
I looked over at the balcony and there was red tape all over, the door had been chained shut and there was no way anyone would get out there again without a key and I believe the fire department held it.
"When we finish here Den you're coming to my place with me, we have to get you into bed, you're still totally exhausted. There's a social worker calling soon to see if everything is okay with Ayden so I will talk to her for you Den, you go and have a shower."
"Please don't let anyone take Ayden away Evan, please don't let them take my little boy."
"No one's ever going to take him away from you Den. I will get a nanny in tomorrow just until you feel better and can cope a little more. In the meantime, let me deal with the social worker, there's no way Ayden is going anywhere without us Den." I stroked my boy's head gently as he sucked on his milk then went to have a hot shower. I looked in the mirror and felt so alone, I didn't recognise the face that looked back, it was the face that belonged to a madman.
"Den where's your phonebook?"
"On the coffee table I think." I looked around for it then handed it to Evan.
"Thanks Den." His blue eyes shone like gemstones in the early evening light.
He said that we had to go to the police station to make statements as soon as I could cope with it, then he burped Ayden and placed him back in his carry basket. I threw spare nappies and bottles into a gym bag along with underwear and shorts for me then locked my apartment. Evan placed a note on the door for the social worker then helped me into his place.
Ayden's carry cot was placed next to Evan's bed and he made sure I was comfortable on the sofa, making coffee for us both he then made some phone calls. I figured he would be ringing family but he only rang a few numbers.
"I've told Carol's brother and your mum and they will tell the others. I gave them my number and if they want more details they can ring back." His arm went over my shoulders as he sat down next to me.
"Den, are you hungry?"
"No, but can you please just hold me?" I felt so cold.
"Of course my friend."
He held me in his arms while I sobbed my heart out.
After what seemed ages he whispered in my ear that Jayne and Gordon's niece Susan was staying with them, she's a nanny from the UK out here for a holiday and will come by in the morning.
I thanked him and was dead tired all of a sudden.
"Evan can I stay in with you tonight, I don't want to sleep alone?"
"Of course you can Den, come on let's get you settled." I stripped off and crawled into his bed my hand moving across to Ayden's small body in his cot by the bed. The doorbell rang and I could hear Evan talking to someone. Whoever it was left twenty minutes later and Evan crawled in behind me. His arms held me close, my body shuddering urgently until I finally drifted off.
Ayden woke for his bottle around three am, but Evan was already awake and had it organised, he took my son out to the lounge room and fed him while I crashed again, I was so very grateful to him.
The sun was shining through the curtains when I woke and for a split second I was warm and didn't have a worry in the world, until the pain hit me again. I turned over and came face to face with Evan. He had been staring at me and his arms still held me close. My tears came again and he started kissing my forehead, I didn't mind because he made me feel safe. I didn't care that he was gently stroking my bare back, we have a connection and I would have done almost anything to stay in that safe space forever.
I think I spent the next few months in Evan's apartment, but everything was so mixed up in my head I really can't remember how long it was. I couldn't be left alone and I couldn't face going back into that other god-dammed, fucking apartment. Evan almost single handed organised Carol's funeral. The night he held me I was in no fit state to look after Ayden properly but he had assured the social worker that family was on the way and he was hiring a nanny first thing in the morning. He assured me we wouldn't have any problems with them that they were just making sure Ayden wasn't neglected. He said the lady was very sympathetic and left her card in case we needed some back up.
The following day he hired Susan to be Ayden's nanny, to look after him and in a round about way I think to keep an eye on me. I held him at every opportunity, kissing his tiny little face and smelling his baby smells and wanted to smell Carol's perfume on him, and sometimes he did bring back a few of the warmer memories.
I relentlessly sobbed under the blankets during the night when I was at my lowest; all I wanted to do was hold my wife but she's now out of reach, never to return. It felt like I was having one big dream and would never be able to wake up.
On the many nights I couldn't get to sleep I cried, Evan would come and get into bed with me, he would hold me and massage my back until I drifted off. I didn't think anything of it but it made me feel so fucking safe. Evan had been a good friend from the moment we moved in, he was a fantastic guy, a lawyer by trade; he took care of all the legal stuff and he fed me, warmed me and made sure I was getting to my appointments on time. He also made sure I had clean clothes and bedding but most importantly he made me feel safe.
He looked after Carol's personal insurance and the pending lawsuit with the body corporate and builders, there was so much to do and I was completely useless. I lost ten kilos almost overnight and felt light headed and weak most of the time. The balconies on both apartments had by now been boarded up completely and when the police had finished in my apartment, he packed up all our personal stuff for storage then moved us in with him. I don't remember it being done, but he had it all organized. As I said I was living in a haze and I remember very little of that dreadful time.
Susan was a godsend, she did everything that Carol did, washing, cooking, and listening to my sad stories. I can't count the times I re-lived the accident with her and I knew I was being a pain, but to her credit she sat patiently and listened. She also made sure I held my son often and after some weeks she had me feeding, bathing and changing him again. Some days we would take him for a long walk in the fresh air in his stroller, we had become close but only in a friendly way.
It is hard for me to remember what was actually going on in those weeks, sometimes I though I had imagined things, sometimes I found it hard to discern from reality or fantasy.
She told me she was in Australia to holiday and had extended her trip to be with us. Her aunt and uncle lived on my floor; we had met on several occasions, they seemed like they were very nice people.
As time passed I started to do some small things, just cleaning and cooking and my conversations with Susan turned into the future and what I planned to do with Ayden's upbringing. In the back of my head when we were talking I kept saying I needed to talk to Evan about it, he would know what I should be doing. I had put Evan up there with the angels and to me he was an angel and many days I couldn't wait for him to get home from work so we could talk.
Susan even took me for a haircut and shave and I looked and felt a lot better, my dark green eyes contrasted with my dark curly hair that also ran across my chest and down to my pubes. Like a negative photo, Evan's golden, sun kissed skin and blonde hair stood out in a crowd and there was no escape when I looked at his surfer type appearance, his legs with just a light smattering of hair, the rest of him was so smooth.
My days got a little brighter and I felt like that constant headaches and dreams were leaving me. I started seeing reality after I had spent some time in hospital I was put in there for tests I had been extremely run down, so the doctors and Evan had told me.
One day after my head cleared I walked out into the sunshine with my boy in my arms thinking what a wonderful life we will have. I had forgotten a lot of the pain and I had started drawing again in earnest and every day I got stronger and stronger.
On one occasion when Evan came home from work I was blabbering on the sofa with Sue once again but made him sit down with us, I wanted a word with him, I had missed his company.
"I have to find a house Evan, it's not that I'm ungrateful for all you have done for us, it's just I don't feel safe here, I need to get Ayden and myself on firm ground." That horrible thought of falling plagued me every moment of my day and night.
"I understand Den, I just wanted you to get settled in your mind first but now I think the time is right, come on, I want to take you for a ride." He took my hand then told Susan we would be an hour or so. I didn't know what he was up to but agreed because I needed to get out of the apartment for a while.
He drove for about fifteen minutes then pulled up outside a single fronted cottage in Caulfield. It was well kept with a small front yard and a big driveway.
"Come and have a look." He smiled.
"Who lives here Evan?"
"This was my mum's house and now it's mine but if you like it, you and Ayden can move in whenever you want to."
"How can I ever repay you for what you've already done for us, I can't even fathom what you have put up with these past months."
"It's my pleasure Den, Carol was my friend too remember." I detected a tear forming in his eye, something he didn't do that often so I put my hand on his shoulder.
"I know my friend, show me the house."
Evan had taken to Carol instantly and they were best buddies right from the start so I knew deep down he missed her nearly as much as I did. Also, he babysat Ayden when we had to go somewhere so they had bonded in a small way. He was even at Ayden's birth, not in the room but he was there. I loved him also from the start; he was about to become an important member of my little family.
I'm not completely blind and recognised there was a sort of connection there, he being a lawyer, he sort of commanded attention. I had my private fantasies too, when we started swimming every other morning before Ayden was born, I would sneak looks at him in the shower. I've got to say this, he was awesome and my first thought was how can I get to bury my dick in his perfectly rounded ass? At that time Carol was heavily pregnant and I would have buried my dick in almost anything. But something awoke another part of me on those days, his long legs covered in fine blonde hair and his perfect chest, small waist, his hair and his eyes; his gorgeous eyes. I had put the thoughts I was having on the back-burner, but now after all that's happened these past months that feeling was returning and I was scared.
The house was small but it had a large backyard for Ayden to play in, I loved it instantly and it would be easy to childproof.
"Take a look upstairs Den," he said with a smile.
We went up and I was amazed at the space that had been created in the roof cavity, it was full of natural light coming from the oversized dormer windows and skylights.
"Wow."
"It was created to be mum's workroom, she did a lot of pottery, there's a kiln out in the garage. I thought you could set up your studio here, the lighting is awesome."
And it was, just perfect for my painting, of which I haven't done any since the accident. I am an artist and before the incident my paintings were in demand, I had them displayed at several galleries around Melbourne. They sold well and I am one of the very few artists that actually made some money from their work. I wasn't absolutely zonked out over those dreadful months, I had amassed a stack of sketchbooks full of anger and love, mostly dark figures free falling but I didn't look at them, it terrified me to look.
All my paintings had sold and the gallery owners were asking for more, maybe it was because of the accident. Collectors had been buying up my works and there was very little left on the walls... tragedy sells. Maybe they are waiting to see how my style had changed post trauma, but I haven't picked up a brush since then and everything to do with my work is still in the apartment, except the sketchbooks. I kept them near so I could lose myself when the pain gets worse.
"We need to talk a little Den, come and sit in the backyard." I came back to the here and now when I heard Evan's silky voice.
He led me out the back where we found a garden setting to sit at. Evan was in his late twenties, taller than me and he really looked after himself. I knew right from the start he was gay and there were no problems coming from either Carol or I. She actually tried to team him up with some of her gay friends, but nothing clicked. But I also got the feeling that Carol would have liked to have been more than friends with him, just a feeling. I assumed he was a loner and liked it that way, either that or he had been hurt somewhere along the way. I had been too scared to ask then.
"Den, you and Ayden can move in here, just pay the outgoings. The studio is perfect for your work and there's a supermarket and shops at the end of the street, also a day care centre just four doors down. It's the perfect quiet area for you both. The insurance came through and the lawsuit against the builder and body corporate is on-going and may take some time to resolve but in the meantime my accountant is looking after everything for you. There's a sizeable amount in your account now and I have your statements at home for you to look at. If you're not happy with it then we can change it, no dramas." He looked me in the eyes, his are so blue.
I sat looking at him and couldn't get my mind off why this handsome man didn't have a boyfriend. I was listening to what he was saying but his white teeth and blue eyes held my attention. I hadn't seen it as clearly before but Evan was a real looker, I had seen that sleek, golden body at the pool and he looked awesome in his bathers. If you didn't know him well you would think, he was just another beach bum doing his exercises.
He was what I would call elegant, streamlined and humble, I guess he only shows his warmth to friends because sometimes when he's on the phone he sounds very abrupt and business like. I suppose being a lawyer does that to you.
"Den, are you listening?"
I snapped out of it again and looked him straight in the eyes, those awesome blue ones I told you about.
"Sorry mate just had a moment, we can look at those things when we get home, thank you for everything, I mean it." Hopefully when those knots die down in my stomach I will take over my finances again, but maybe I won't.
"It's okay Den, I know you have been ill so trust me to do the right thing, you know I would never do anything to harm you or Ayden."
"I know. Can I ask you something, something that Carol and I talked about a while back?" I was being forward but the time seems right.
"Sure Den anything." He was playing with the dust that had settled on the table, you know, like drawing on it.
"Why are you still single?" It was out there but he didn't look shocked, rather I detected a slight turn up on his full pink lips.
"Den, if you only knew."
"Try me."
"Den you both tried so hard to hook me up but you should have asked me that question right from the start." He fully smiled and I smiled along with him.
"That's better, a smile at last." He tapped my hand with his drawing finger.
"Den I'm waiting for Mr. Right, I want to fall in love first then I want the relationship. Hook ups are not on my radar; I don't do them. I have had a couple of affairs a long time ago but they didn't work out, I want love Den. I want the guy to fall in love with me not to lust after my body or looks. I want the real deal; I want what you had."
He restarted on his drawing in the dust again but this time he was blushing.
"I understand Evan, it will come your way I'm sure of it, be patient." I stared at him.
"Okay let's go, here's the spare set of keys so we can get you started on moving in, soon if you like, we only have to call the storage place. Den will you need Susan still or can you cope on your own? I know she's wanting to go back to the UK for awhile soon but she will be coming back."
"No I can cope Evan, she's been a wonderful help so I would like to give her a bonus for looking after us, she's been bloody brilliant but I would like to have my son to myself again. I know he will be happy and safe living here with me, this house gives off good vibes."
"Good, my mum would be pleased to hear that, we are settled then."
He stood up and started for the inside but I wanted to have one more look around before we left, funny enough I was placing furniture around the house in my mind and by the end of the second tour I figured I wouldn't need to buy any extra stuff. I had already decided to lock up the apartment and let it decay along with my memories of that awful day. I also had decided to buy one item, a new bed for new beginnings.
"Den let's take Susan out for dinner tonight, just as a thank you offering."
"Sure, but I still want to do something for her, maybe I can pay her airfare back to the UK?"
"What a great gesture, I'm sure she would appreciate that Den, maybe when she returns you might let her have your apartment for the short term."
"I can do that, so I'll leave the sofas and bed in it, she can use them."
"I thought you would leave everything in it Den, maybe get all new stuff for the house, you know some quality arty stuff, you can afford it now you know." He drove carefully because he knows I'm not one hundred per cent and sharp moves still make me jump.
"That's a thought, I'll have to go in there soon and see what's left."
"Well the repairs will be started by next week and the building inspector is giving the builder a list of things to fix, in fact he's going to be pretty busy over the next few months because he has to do mine too and three others. He's not going to get out of it this time."
All I could think about was my beautiful wife falling, but as far as the builder is concerned I would like to throw him off it too. Evan parked under our building and after he turned the ignition off I leant over and gave him a big hug, along with a kiss on the cheek.
"Thank you for everything," I whispered.
I kissed my son and thanked Susan then picked my keys up off the kitchen bench to go look at the apartment. I had been in it once before since the accident, that's when the police wanted me to walk through what happened. It made me sick to the stomach to even be there but this time I felt nothing just an empty cavernous feeling. All the knickknack things that made it our home had been packed away and I'm sure apart from some precious photos that's probably where it will stay. I need to move on with my son and I need to make his life as fun filled and happy as possible. He gives me love with every little yawn, kick and smile and I need to give him my absolute protection. I felt Evan's hand on my shoulder; he's always one step ahead of me, sometimes I think he reads my mind so well.
"All this furniture fits this apartment Den, if Susan doesn't want to live here then you can rent it out furnished, everything has been cleaned, but I'm sure after the builders have been it will be filthy again, but they also have to pay for the clean up."
"What are you going to do Evan, I mean when the builders are in?"
"Get a hotel room Den, the insurance pays for that too," he wistfully said.
"You can move in with us, we would appreciate your company." I now had my hand on his shoulder yet he looked far away.
"I don't think that's such a good idea Den, but I will visit a lot." I will have to convince him later on but for now there's no rush. I owe him so much and have to start repaying him somehow.
"I have booked Mario's for tonight, we can go early and take Ayden, it's family friendly there."
"Good thank you." For some reason I leant in and kissed his cheek, hugging him at the same time, we stood there and rocked back and forth. He put his hands around to my back and rubbed it, I did the same.
I'm not the sort of person that fakes his way through life, I wear my heart on my sleeve and the peck on the cheek is just me showing a good friend some affection, which he thoroughly deserved. We are the same age, twenty-seven and only months apart, he's a little taller than me and his straight short blond hair contrasts with my dark brown curly hair. He is clean shaven while I am happy with the three-day look, chest hair peeping over my t-shirt and green eyes, all leftovers from my Italian forefathers.
When Carol got a promotion at her advertising job I became a full time, live at home artist. The third bedroom was ideal for my work as it caught a lot of sun and when I opened that door it was like time had stood still, everything was still there untouched. Evan hadn't packed it.
"I thought this would all be in storage."
"I didn't want to touch it because I didn't know what order it should be in, and it felt a bit too personal Den."
"I get it, and again thank you."
I lifted the covering on the easel that held my latest work, it was a painting of Carol smiling and Ayden was in her arms, I had captured her beauty just with a couple of strokes of a brush. I normally don't paint portraits but in the past I have done a few of my wife. I didn't realise it but tears were running down my face as I gently re-covered it. Evan gave me a sad look and I knew he was feeling the same as me.
"You can have this one when I finish it Evan, if you want?"
"Thank you Den but I don't think it will ever be hung at my place, I have my wonderful memories of her, that's enough."
"Then I will put it away, it's not nearly finished and I won't do it, I'll just leave it as it is." I didn't want to look at it again but maybe in the future it may re-surface.
I started looking through the many finished works and put twenty or so aside to send to my dealers. Also, I had to get some empty cartons for my brushes and jars, we quietly closed the front door and went back to Evan's place.
Tonight we had a great meal at Mario's and Susan was very happy as I had offered to pay her airfare back home. She is a lovely warm girl, she told me she was getting together with some mates and will be back with them to tour Australia sometime in the next year. I offered her the apartment but she declined saying she will call in to see us though.
So I decided to rent it out when it's all fixed, then I will think about selling it. I had thought I would keep it for Ayden as an investment property but the thought of anything happening to him there was too daunting to contemplate so I will sell it eventually, something else to discuss with Evan.
After getting into bed I couldn't get that painting out of my head and started sobbing under my blankets again. Evan heard and crawled into bed with me then took me in his arms and soothed my sadness. It wasn't a sexual thing; I needed support and as a friend he provided it. Early next morning I was woken with a start as he got out of bed. I watched his golden, tanned body move towards the kitchen to start the coffee then I heard the shower going in his en suite so I thought I would go and do the same. This was the first time in months I had woken with an erection, I was confused but pleased it had returned so I stroked it into a full on orgasm under the hot water. I missed Carol's touch and thought of her as I relieved myself, pulling hard on my foreskin. Dressing for the day I thought I would do some house shopping, I had no idea what I needed so I asked Evan to help me make a list.
"You have plenty of money Den, just use your credit card to get what you want. Go have a look around Richmond, there's plenty of designer furniture places there. You will need a fridge, washing machine, dryer, TV and food for starters, a bed and sofas, a table and chairs. Extra cooking utensils you can buy as you need them, but your old ones are in the storage pod, in no time your kitchen will be stocked." He smiled.
"Are you able to come with me one day?"
"I can take today off and sure I would love to come; we can maybe have lunch somewhere nice." I gave my card to Sue and told her to book her flight with an open return date. She got online and did just that, and then I went over my bank statements with Evan. He had done a good job and although it was unimportant, my balance was mind-blowing, Carol's insurance payout had been added to our balance but it gave me no joy to see it sitting there.
"The lawsuit is ongoing Den, my firm is handling that and the first offer was rejected immediately, by god I will make sure they pay for this my friend."
"Thank you Evan, I know you will do your best for us."