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AUTUMN'S LEAVE
by
Ritch Christopher
CHAPTER FIVE
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Nina knew something was up. In all the years we had lived and shared together, we had learned to read each other's moods like road signs down the highway of life. I sat at the breakfast table, stirring and stirring my coffee, completely unaware that I had not added one drop of cream or sugar. It was only after I tasted it that I realized the futility of my use of my spoon.
"Sweet enough?", she asked.
"Hmmn?" I said blindly.
"Your coffee?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah, it's fine." I replied, returning my speculative thoughts to the present.
"I thought maybe you were trying to scrape the glaze off the bottom of the cup.", she said. "Jim, I watched you. You didn't add the first of your usual three spoons of sugar. What are you so preoccupied with this morning?"
"I had a call from the Dean. There were a couple of unexplained accidents around the campus last night."
"Oh?"
"You remember Sandy Cummings...the little wannabe groupie that loved to stalk my team?"
"Yes."
"She slipped and fell last night on her stoop and later died in the hospital."
"Well, accidents DO happen."
"Yeah, ACCIDENTS do."
"You think it wasn't an accident?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm sure it was," I lied. "It's just so tragic to see someone that young, built like a brick shithouse and with a whole world of guys ahead of her that she'll never get to fuck, lose her life."
"It sorta puts a damper on the team's victory, doesn't it?"
"To say the least."
"You know more than you're telling, don't you?" Nina asked, pointedly.
"I may...uh...I mean...of course not!! How could I know anything about the accident?"
"Only by the way you just implied it might not be an accident."
"I...don't know why I said that. It WAS an accident."
"I don't believe you. Was a team member somehow involved?"
"Not really...HELL! How should I know?" I said, getting aggravated with my verbal slip-ups.
"Was it Tom?" Nina asked surreptitiously.
"NO! Goddamn it! It wasn't Tom?" I blurted back at her. "What is this...'Twenty fucking Questions' at the breakfast table? Shit! Nina! We've never kept secrets from one another. Someone told me that Harm had something to do with it!!"
"It was Tom who told you, wasn't it?"
"Yeah, well, so what? He wasn't involved."
"Tom's the only person I could think of that you would try to protect so nobly."
"What's that supposed to mean? What are you implying?"
"Jim, no one knows you better than I. I know that you're smitten by him. I don't know how far it goes between the two of you but there IS a definite bond."
"You're assuming too much. One doesn't fall in love after one roll in the hay," I said, defensively.
"It's been known to happen. Now that I know what's bothering you, do you mind telling me the details of Sandy's 'accident'? But you spoke of 'accidents' in the plural. Who else?"
I realized the seriousness of my faux pas and thought it best to tell Nina everything I knew. She would be more supportive if she didn't feel that I was hiding anything from her. I related everything to her that Tom had told me, including the earlier bedroom tryst between him and Harm and about being caught by Sandy. Nina seemed actually shocked that Harm could be capable of such an action. The sex part didn't seem to bother her. She had been raised as a liberal in the 60's and the idea of male/male sex between two teammates was now a common thing. Even straight guys had experimented in some form of bisexuality. The age of inhibitions was long past. Guys showered together, slept together, even in the nude without having second thoughts about it. Girls as young as 13 or 14 were already experienced in giving oral sex to boys while their vaginas remained untouched. They had learned to swallow jism or hold it in their mouths long enough to transfer it back to their boy partners in a kiss, which meant boys were accustomed to the taste of semen. On the weekends when the guys spent the night together, it was commonplace for the best friends to help get each other off, either manually or orally...and yes, they even came in each other's mouths without thinking much about it. The old traditional taboos and mores had gone by the wayside with the "next" generation. There were really no published statistics on how many "best friends" went farther and engaged in anal intercourse, but chances are, if the truth be told, the number would be relatively high. Then I told her the skimpy details of the auto accident that killed the kid who worked at Shoney's. I, somehow, saw no correlation between the two episodes. Accidents happen every weekend in all parts of town without having any connections. I dismissed Harm's being the cause of the car wreck totally, never giving it a second thought. I told Nina as much.
"Do you think Harm had enough of a streak of jealousy in him, enough to use bodily force on Sandy? I mean, after all, Sandy made no bones about going after any guy she set her sights on." Nina offered.
"I don't know," I added, "but the thought did occur to me."
"My God," she exclaimed. "You don't think Tom let it slip about yours and his little 'slumber party', do you?"
"Of course not!"
"Are you sure? I mean, if he's capable of killing in a jealous rage,,, YOU just might be on his hit list."
"Nina, for God's sake, you're letting your imagination run away with you. I'm Harm's coach. I've known him since he was a little boy. There's no way in hell he'd come after me...even if he knew. But I know goddamned well, Tom would never tell anyone about what happened between the two of us!"
"Okay. I just wanted you to be on guard, just in case."
"I really don't think I have anything to worry about. I just wish to hell I knew where he was. I think he'd talk to me. I want to see if he's guilty before I start making preconceived judgments. The only people who know about Tom and me are you and him and I have nothing to fear...not from Harm or anyone."
My mind raced with the idea Nina had just sprung on me. I thought it through on fast forward and was sure what I had said was correct. I DIDN'T have anything to worry about personally. My greatest fear was that Harm might have seen Tom talking or paying attention to some other team or class mate, then he might misconstrue an innocent conversation into a relationship and then there might be some concern about revenge or danger.
I looked at the clock and motioned to Nina that it was time to leave. I couldn't wait to get to school, while at the same time, today would be a good day to take a sick day. But I had too much private investigating to do and I couldn't do it sitting at home watching "The Price Is Right".
Noticeably absent from school that day was Harm, noticeably to me, that is, as I was the only person besides Tom and Nina who had an inkling about Harm's possible weekend behavior. I figured I would take it upon myself to go to his dorm on my first break as concerned coach to see if he would be at practice later in the afternoon. When I arrived, I got the answer I had expected. Harm had not checked in all last night or today. It was too early to report his absence to the Dean or else I could create unfounded suspicion, Lots of guys skipped classes after a wild weekend, which was cause for concern but not alarm, I wondered how long I should wait, The best thing to do was act normally around the rest of the guys on the team. Who knew? If he were innocent, he just might show up on the field at 3:30 PM as usual, then I could relax. Good God! If Tom's account of the "accident" was true then somehow I would have to get involved, but I couldn't betray Tom's confidence or indict him. The day seemed to pass slowly with mounting anticipation and trepidation. Would the day never end? I saw Tom in the cafeteria. We didn't speak but he did give me a questioning look with a raised eyebrow, asking if I had seen or heard from Harm. I replied by shaking my head one time and then looked in another direction. Goddamn! This was too much for me to fathom. I'd known Harm for nearly twelve years. He was totally harmless as far as inflicting pain on anyone outside of an opposing football player...but that was in sports, not in real life.
Needless to say, I was a bit jealous of his sexual encounter with Tom. I wondered if this had been his first and only homosexual experience. If not, with whom else. I knew practically every guy that Harm hung out with. Ninety-five percent of his friends were fellow football teammates. Come to think of it, I'd never noticed him with a girl at a prom or anywhere else for that matter. The fact remained though, he had been brazen enough to have sex with Tom after knowing him such a short time. There probably WERE others. I picked up a team roster and went down the list of names, trying to picture him naked in bed with any of them. It was funny as I looked at the names of all my boys. They were all straight as far as I knew, but after my strange and sudden desire for Tom out of the blue, I could imagine nearly everyone of them trying to have, or having, a male/male experience. I mean, hell, I'd seen all of them naked in the gym shower at one time or another and really never paid any attention to their masculine private parts, but now, with whatever Tom had awakened in my thoughts and desires, I suddenly looked at all of them under a different light. I know a guy doesn't turn gay overnight but I wondered how long I had suppressed my homosexual instincts. When did they first begin? I laughed to myself thinking a guy...a straight virgin guy, can go to bed with a woman and have one careless orgasm and get her pregnant. Could the same thing happen if this same straight virgin guy could go to bed with a man...what are the chances of his discovering he's gay? It was Jacqueline Susann who said, "Once is not enough"...'tis a pity old Jackie didn't know Tom as I had. Once WAS enough and it was driving me insane. What kind of effect had one night with Tom had on Harm? Had he gone off his rocker enough to actually kill someone like Sandy? I realized the more I thought about these things...the crazier I was becoming. I'm a teacher with a Master's degree. I'm married. I think rationally. I work as a coach and a counselor to a bunch of young men. What the hell was happening to my rationality? Goddammit! Won't 3:30 ever get here!?
It did, and by then I was a nervous wreck. I tried to appear calm as I came out of my office to meet and greet the team. I still wanted to convey my elation over Friday night's victory to them as my eyes surveyed the team, looking for Harm's friendly face...I didn't see him. Maybe he would come in late. How long should I wait before the panic set in?
"All right, guys," I began, "we proved to the school and the conference as well as ourselves that we can be, and we ARE, winners! That's gonna be our goal for the rest of the season. I want you all to go out on the field and do your regular warm-up with Coach Waters and Coach Mansfield. I want Howie, Wylie, Phil, and, oh yes, Tom...you four stay in the locker room with me for a few minutes and we'll be out to join the rest of you in a few minutes. Thanks again, guys, for a great game Friday!! You done good!! Now, let's keep the momentum going!"
They all cheered and ran out of the locker room to the practice field. I waited until all of them had gone and the door was closed before I began my conversation with my four "stars".
"What's up, Coach?" Wylie asked.
"I don't know how to begin except to ask if any of you know of Harm's whereabouts?" I asked. I didn't want Tom to answer because I didn't want him to incriminate himself.
"Nope, no, nah, not since Friday night," they all answered, almost at the same time.
"Apparently he's missing. NO one has seen him since then." I said. "I just wondered if he said anything to any of you about having to go out of town or something."
Once again, they answered in the negative.
"I know I shouldn't bring up such subjects because it's really none of my business, but does Harm have a girlfriend that I don't know about?"
"Harm? Hell, no!" Phil replied.
"Rosie Palms, maybe," Howie answered.
"I don't think he's had a date since school started," Wylie added.
I took a deep breath before I asked, "Does he have a boyfriend?"
All but Tom laughed out loud. "God, no, Coach, what are you getting at?" Howie asked.
"Guys, please don't take this the wrong way, but after the way you five were horsing around in the shower the other day, I didn't know. Hell, I'm not one to judge and I wouldn't think the less of him...or even you guys...if you did have boyfriends. I'm just trying to get some focus on Harm's situation before I go to the Dean or maybe the police and file a missing person report."
"Maybe he ran off with Nicole Kidman, now that's she's free...or if your suspicion is founded, Tom Cruise." Howie said, laughing.
"Not Tom, his dick's too little." Phil chimed in.
"How do you know, queer?" Wylie asked him.
"Heck, as many times as we've watched that football movie, "All The Right Moves"...Remember the night we froze the frame to get a look at Cruise's cock. Shit! He didn't have three inches on hard." Phil answered.
"Jeez, I didn't know you were measuring. It looked bigger on my wide-screen TV." Wylie replied, making them all laugh again.
"Guys, guys, please! We're getting off the subject." I interjected. "This could be serious! Harm is missing and no one has a clue. I have to do something. Do any of you have any ideas?" I looked squarely into Tom's eyes trying to give him a signal not to answer. He got my drift and maintained silence to my relief.
"Sorry, Coach. What do you want US to do?" Howie asked in a serious tone.
"As soon as practice is over, could you ask around? Make a few phone calls without causing alarm or suspicion, and call me at home if you find out anything?"
"Sure." they replied. "But don't worry, Coach, he'll show up. He's OK."
"I hope you're right." I said. "Now if you three will go out with the team, I'd like to talk to Tom for a few minutes. I have a couple of sneak plays I want to discuss with him. The two of us will be out to join you shortly."
Howie, Wylie, and Phil left, talking amongst themselves about Harm's disappearance. The thud of the door closing behind them echoed in the almost empty locker room...empty except for Tom and me.
"What gives, Coach?" Tom finally asked.
"I just wanted to talk with you and see if you're all right."
"I'm fine." Tom replied.
"I've been worried all day. If Harm is as crazed as you say, I thought you might be in some danger."
"Nope! I'm not worried."
"I'm sorry, Tom, but I wanted you to know that I told Nina what you told me about the 'accident'."
"I figured you would. What'd she have to say?"
"Ha! She was worried about me. She thought if Harm's anger had been provoked by jealousy...maybe Harm would come after me if he had found about us and our little adventure at my house last week."
"Shit! There's no way he could know. I sure as hell didn't tell him anything."
"I knew you wouldn't," I said.
"Don't tell me you're afraid of him."
"Of course not. Every time I see Harm, I think about him in red short pants when he was six years old. I've known him all his life. I've been like an uncle to him. He'd never believe that you and I had sex even if someone told him."
"Is that what we had?...Sex?"
"I didn't mean to minimize it that way." I answered, sincerely. "No, Tom, we didn't just have sex. To me it was more than that."
"Me, too," he replied.
"I haven't been able to get you, or that night, out of my mind since it happened."
"I've jerked off a time or two thinking about it...and you."
"Tom, so much has happened so fast and I can't seem to get my bearings...our night together, Friday's game, Harm...Harm and you...Sandy...so goddamn much inside of one week."
"You mentioned Harm and me. What about YOU and me? Where do we stand?"
"What do you mean?"
"What about US? Is there an 'us' or was it a one night stand and something we should forgive, forget, or regret?"
"Tom, I wish there COULD be an 'us', but how is that possible? I'm your teacher...well, your coach, anyway, and I'm married. I have a wife...a very understanding wife...but she's my wife all the same."
"But you don't love her." Tom said.
"Why do you say that?"
"By the way you made love to me. You couldn't do the things you did...trying to ravish or devour me and still love someone as a mate...or are you accustomed to loving a wife and making physical love to whores? Is that it? Was I just a night with a whore?"
"God, no! Of course not, Tom."
"You don't feel anything for me?"
"Yes, yes, of course I do!"
"Then what? Tell me!"
"This is all so strange and new to me. I never loved a man before. I never thought it possible for me to love a man...What's worse is that the man is a student of mine. You don't know what a position this has put me in."
"If I were to drop out of school and no longer be a 'student', would your situation be simpler? I mean, maybe if I dropped out of school...."
"I don't know. But for God's sake...and my own...I DON'T want you dropping out of school. And I don't even want to think about your leaving me."
"Ah ha! Then, you DO feel something for me."
"Of course I do, you little idiot."
"Do you love me...a little?"
"I...uh..."
"Come on, brave man, tell me...'yes' or 'no'! Do you love me?"
"Jesus, Tom! It's not the kind of thing I know how to say."
"Very simply...'I...love...you'...one word at a time."
"Come here," I beckoned to him. opening my arms. He came forward and I embraced him. I felt my body tremble as my arms went about him. All the tension I had stored inside me for the past 72 hours hit me all at once. My mouth almost missed his lips as I pulled him closer to kiss him. I couldn't help myself. Tears gushed from my eyes, rolling down my cheeks to invade our lip lock. He suddenly became the older father-figure of the two of us. He knew I needed this relief and he raise his hands to wipe the tears from my face with his two thumbs. My hands traveled down his back and invaded the waistband of his practice uniform until I had cupped each of his ass cheeks in my hands. I squeezed hard as I felt his hard, young butt muscles tighten beneath my grip. God, how I had dreamt of this!...how I had wanted this!...how I had needed this!...Tom...here in my arms with our lips touching. I could never think of a time in my life when I felt so physically fulfilled. I would lock this moment in my "unforgettable memories" bank. This was the "sublime" the songs were written about. I'd never known it before...not even our one night in the bedroom together. Yes! Goddammit! I DID love him. I would trade my job, my marriage, all my worldly possessions to keep this feeling going, no matter how long or short a time it would last.
Tom pulled back for a moment to say, "I love you, Coach."
"Uh uh, you don't love me as your coach. At this moment, I'm 'Jim'," I softly corrected him,
"Then, I love you, Jim," he suddenly added.
"I can't hide it, Tom. I love you, too."
Once again our lips found each other's and our tongues battled to see whose could fit first into the other's mouth. I remembered a movie I once saw, "The Thomas Crown Affair" and the scene where Steve McQueen kissed Faye Dunaway. The cinematographer had spun quickly around the room, doing a complete 360 degree turn without stopping. The director and the crew were never seen. The room just kept spinning. This is how I felt the gym locker room was rotating just now. Tom and I were oblivious to time and place. All that mattered was that I was holding him, and he, me. This was a critical mistake for neither of us had heard Howie and Phil re-enter the locker room. They stood looking aghast at the spectacle they were seeing...their coach and their star quarterback engaging in a scene hot enough for any gay Hollywood flick. I don't know how long they stood there watching. It didn't matter...one hour or one second...they had seen us. Neither of them made a sound until I opened my eyes from the kiss and saw the two of them standing just inside the door.
Tom didn't need to turn around to know that we had been "caught". He could see by the embarrassed, startled expression in my eyes that I was looking at someone over his shoulder. He broke free from my embrace but continued to stare straight ahead, still not bothering to turn to see who had interrupted our "moment". It was goddamned awkward. None of the four of us knew what to say...or who was to speak first for that matter. I tried the best I could to ease the tension and ignore what they had seen.
"Hey, guys," I said, clearing my throat, "did you forget something?"
"Huh?" Phil answered, almost at a loss for words,"oh, yeah, Coach Waters needs the new play book."
"Tom and I were just about to come out and join you. I have it and I was going to bring it."
"Great!" Howie exclaimed, This was his chance for Phil and him to exit as fast as possible. "We'll tell him...See you two outside!" They both turned to leave the room.
"Wait! Wait! Not so fast!" I said stopping them. Their backs were toward me and I knew they were just as embarrassed as Tom and I. I had to say something...God knows what...but something. This was my second unforgettable moment all within five minutes time. Being "caught"...and by two students was something that just wouldn't "go away". "Phil, Howie, please come back and sit down. I know how you must feel...and yet, you probably know how I feel. So before our 'feelings' get away from us, I think I should explain what you just saw."
"Oh, no, Coach," Phil said, hurriedly. "Whatever was going on is yours and Tom's business. It's none of our affair."
"You're wrong. What you just saw is something neither of you will ever forget...nor will Tom and I. A moment as auspicious as this DOES require an explanation and some conversation...only for the life of me, I don't know what I'm going to say right now." I managed to stammer.
"Coach," Howie interjected, "can we just forget about it and go on with practice and talk about it some other time?"
"No. The longer we stay quiet about it, the worse it will become for all four of us." I said.
"Look, Coach, I think I can ease the situation if you'll give me a chance," Howie replied.
"How?" I asked.
"With this...," he quickly added.
Without a moment's hesitation, Howie grabbed Phil and planted one enormous kiss on Phil. Phil showed no delay in responding. He wrapped both arms around Howie and the two of them locked in a lovers' embrace. This action made Tom turn around and look at me, almost in shock. At first I didn't know if Phil and Howie were kidding or if they were being serious until I saw Phil open his mouth to receive Howie's tongue. Then Phil's hand went downward to grope Howie between the legs and Howie followed suit by returning the gesture. The two of them were actually getting "hot and bothered" by the way their bodies writhed. This display lasted only for a couple of minutes before they broke away and faced Tom and me.
"Now, are you going to tell on us?" Howie asked with a bit of pride.
Neither Tom nor I said anything.
"Good," Howie continued, "then what the four of us saw in this room will remain a secret among the four of us."
"Damn, Howie, I don't have a thing to say." I uttered, still in disbelief.
"Good. You had no idea that Phil and I are gay, did you?"
"It never occurred to me. Even if it did, it's none of my business," I said.
"That's right...and what you and Tom do is none of ours. So can we make a pact to keep it that way."
"If I were a fellow student or teammate I would say 'yes'. But I'm faculty...YOUR coach. I'm married and you both know my wife. I'm in a little different dilemma than you two."
"Yeah, yeah, and I go steady with Kathy and Phil fucks Laura on the weekends...but neither of them have anything to do with Phil's and my love...Yes, love! Does that astonish you? We love each other like boyfriend and girlfriend and have for years. We date and go steady for appearance sake, but once we graduate, it's just gonna be US for the rest of our lives. I'm not saying that you and Tom are in love, like Phil and I...If you're not...so what? There's nothing better than a good roll in the sheets between two men...and if you ARE in love...then again, so what? I hope to God you are. We like and admire both of you as people and if you can find happiness together...GO FOR IT! Right. Phil?"
"Absolutely!" Phil exclaimed.
"I still don't know what to say, but I AM relieved...for the moment anyway."
"Jim, don't be an asshole," Tom said, "be a man! They probably heard us saying we love each other. Are you too embarrassed to let them know after all they've revealed to us?"
"Tom, don't make Coach say it. That's between the two of you." Howie quickly said before I could speak.
"Thanks, Howie," I said. "Tom, what I say to you in private must remain private for the time being or I'll be looking for a new job and another place to live."
"OK, girls," Phil interrupted, "let's pick up all the hairpins the four of us have dropped and get our gay asses out to practice with the boys."
His remark relieved the tension as the four of us laughed heartily.
"All right, let's go!" I said, slapping Howie on the butt.
Howie turned to me and joked, "Now when you hit me there, it MEANS something." He smiled openly at me, then at Phil.
"Shut up and get your ass on the field." I joked back. "One more thing--- I said I wouldn't pry, but since the two of you 'fessed up, how about Wylie? Is he gay too?"
"Shit, no, Coach!...But he does like to watch the two of us in action. He sometimes even holds up point cards and grades us. He even gave us a 6.0 once." Howie said, laughing.
"Are you serious?" I asked, not believing.
"If you and Tom ever want to find out how good you are, just call him. He compares us to all those fuck movies he rents and uses the pros as his judging standards for Phil and me."
"I suddenly feel like I'm living in the wrong world in the wrong century." I sighed.
"Don't worry, Coach, we'll never mention you and Tom to Wylie."
"Thank God! That's a relief. It would kill me to get a 2.5 from him!" I said, in a lighter, relaxed tone.
The four of us left the locker room in glee, reminiscent of Fred MacMurray and his "Three Sons".
The episode wouldn't have ended on such a happy note if any of the four of us was aware that way down on the lower side of the locker room, squatting behind the last row of benches and lockers was Harm...who had seen and heard everything that had just happened. It wasn't so much what he had seen, it was when Tom and the Coach said that they loved each other that had left an indelible mark on Harm's psyche. "I love you, Jim.....I love you, Jim." kept pounding his brain like a claw hammer. Tom was in love with the Coach? Harm decided that this was one romance that wouldn't last if he had anything to do with it. Sure, he, Harm, had had sex with Tom, but it was just sex...nothing emotional. But then, he had just learned that his two closest friends, Howie and Phil, were really queer for each other. They had even said it out loud. They loved each other. Why had they kept this from him? Maybe their romance should be cut short too.
The football practice was sensational. It's strange what a big victory can do to pump up confidence. The guys had never tackled or run pass plays as well as they did that afternoon. Jim, Buddy, and Dan were all equally delighted with what they saw. The three coaches finally had a team.
After the first hour, no one seemed to notice Harm had failed to show up.
It was a Monday night, a school night, but the coaching staff decided to treat all the guys to pizza at Papa John's for such a great afternoon. Jim called Nina on her cell phone and told her he would be late and asked if she would call Mabel and Becky and tell them that Buddy and Dan would be late also. She didn't ask about Harm, nor did Jim bring up his name in their brief phone call. The declaration of his and Tom's love, the revelation of Phil and Howie's relationship, combined with the enthusiasm of the team's practice had all but erased all thoughts of Harm and his alleged trouble. Jim hadn't been this happy or elated in a long time and he was relishing every minute of it. A new-found love and a winning team was a combination that meant sheer rapture for him.
Nina, not having to hurry home, decided Monday would be a good day to do the weekly grocery shopping. So after Jim had called her, she drove to the Piggly Wiggly and filled two complete shopping baskets. This was normal for her as she always kept extra food in her pantry for whenever unexpected guests from the football team stopped by and seemed NEVER to refuse to stay for dinner. She didn't mind. She loved the company. Not being able to have kids of her own, she liked it when her house was full of young people even though 98% of the time they were young males.
It was nearly 8:30PM by the time she returned home from the supermarket. She didn't expect Jim until some time between 10:00PM and 11:00PM. Tonight it might be even later since they were still celebrating their win on Friday. Monday night TV's fare consisted of "Third Watch" at nine and "Family Law" at ten. She especially liked "Third Watch" just to get a look at the hunk, Eddie Cibrian, whom she thought should be "People's Magazine" sexiest man. This was the year of the firemen and policemen. Why not give it to a guy who played a fireman. Eddie was a far cry more handsome and sexy than Pierce Brosnan, "People's" cboice. Nina remembered the scene in the movie, "Living Out Loud" where Eddie took off all his clothes to give Holly Hunter a massage. My God! What a body he has. Nina couldn't understand why the producers of "Third Watch" didn't give him more scenes...maybe showering at the fire station. Suddenly another thought went through her mind...Jim liked "Third Watch" too. Was he turned on by Eddie too? She made up her mind to watch her husband the next time that they viewed the show together. Maybe Jim had been giving her hints all the while concerning his attraction to well-built. young attractive men. Huhn!
The house was dark when she entered. She fumbled with the key while holding two large sacks of groceries. There were five more bags in the trunk of the car, so it would take several trips to gather all of them. Then it would take another half hour to unpack the sacks and replenish her cabinets and pantry. Supper would be a frozen dinner in the microwave if she wanted to watch the opening of "The Eddie Cibrian Show". The only light she had turned on was the kitchen when she began her restocking. The rest of the house was still dark. She selected a Stauffer's broiled chicken breast dinner and put in it to nuke for three minutes. The oven beeped and Nina took a diet Coke out of the refrigerator, grabbed her food and went into the living room to turn on the lights and the TV.
Nina's heart stopped and her blood curdled when the lights went on. Sitting in Jim's chair was Harm. She didn't know how long he had been there sitting in the dark or how he had gotten into the house...but there he was. She dropped her plastic dish and the Coke at the same time when she saw him.
"Evening, Mrs. Kerr," Harm said, quietly.
"Harm! My God! What are you doing here? How did you get in?"
"I came by to see the Coach. Don't worry, I didn't break any windows or door frames. I have my way of getting into places without causing damage."
Nina's voice was shaky. "Why didn't you turn on a light or something?"
"When I got here, the sun was still up. I sat down in this chair to do some thinking and I guess I fell asleep."
Nina tried her best to pretend composure. "Are you hungry? Can I fix you something to eat?"
"No thanks...Looks like you're gonna have to fix yourself another meal though."
"It's just that you startled me! I don't mean you personally, but the surprise of finding anyone in a darkened house sort of took me by surprise."
"I'm sorry," Harm said. "I'm sorry I spoiled your dinner, too."
"That's OK. I have plenty of food. Are you sure you wouldn't like something?"
"No, maam. I'm fine."
"I'm afraid that Tom won't be home for hours. He's out with the team."
"The WHOLE team or just a member of it?"
"The entire team." She stopped suddenly and asked "Why did you say that?"
"I have my reasons."
Nina was frightened before...NOW she was scared. The speculations she made to Tom earlier at the breakfast table were more and more becoming realities. Harm DID suspect something between Jim and Tom...but how did he know? Had Jim been that careless at school and let his new feelings get the best of him? There was no way Nina could physically defend herself from an irate, jealous football player. She and Jim had always been against having guns in their house. She couldn't get to a phone to call Jim, the police, or a neighbor. Her only defense was to play it low key like Michelle Pfeiffer or Grace Kelly and act if she were pleased to have him as a guest in her house...THE TV!!!..."THIRD WATCH"!!! Let Channel Six carry the conversation and distraction. She excused herself to go back in the kitchen to heat another dinner, but Harm, suspecting she might try to leave or make an S.O.S. phone call, followed her.
Nina wasn't sure how long she could maintain her apparent calm demeanor. The last thing she wanted to do was to show her fear to Harm. She grabbed another frozen dinner from the freezer without even looking to see what it contained. There were certain foods that she bought for Jim and the boys who would stop by for a meal. Things she would never eat under any circumstance, but at this stage in her anxiety, she would have eaten pork brains mixed with lamb kidneys. As she took the wrapper off, she almost gagged when she discovered she'd picked a Mexican dinner of tacos and refried beans. She almost laughed to herself. If she woofed down the gastronomic malady fast enough, then maybe she'd fart loud enough to scare Harm to go away. That was ridiculous of course, but she had to find SOME way to get him to leave before Jim got home. Damn! Suppose Jim brought Tom home with him. Her fright was letting her imagination run away from her.
"Were you at football practice this afternoon, Harm?"
"No, maam. I wasn't feeling too well today," he replied.
"You DID go to school today, didn't you?" she asked, already knowing the answer...but thinking it was still better to play dumb and innocent.
"No, maam. I was sick the whole weekend."
"Too much victory celebration, I guess," she quickly added. "That was SOME game! They'll be talking about it for years to come!"
"Yes, maam. I suppose."
Nina thought she would do a little nonchalant prying. "Is that what you came by to see Jim about?...Your being sick?"
"Sorta."
"I guess maybe you boys had a little too much to drink. I've known hangovers to last a whole weekend. That's all part of winning and celebrating, I suppose. I'm sorry you haven't had much to celebrate about, but I think you'd better get used to a new attitude. Things are going to turn around. Jim seems to think you're gonna win the rest of the season. Tom sorta brought new life to the team." She hated that she'd made that last remark. If there was the slightest bit of envy that Harm had for Tom, she had just poured fuel on the fire.
"Yeah, Tom seems to have brought new life in a lot of activities on, and off, campus." He said, almost grumbling to himself.
"Well, sometimes it just takes a new catalyst to make an old formula work." she said.
"You mean like when the guy dropped the molded bread in his chemical concoction and discovered penicillin."
"Something like that," she replied, just as the microwave bell dinged. She was nervous enough, but to add Mexican food to her trembling stomach made her inwardly shudder. "You sure you don't want some Mexican food? I can give you this dinner and heat myself something else," hoping Harm would agree to take the dreaded meal off her menu.
"No, maam. I'd better not eat anything that might upset my stomach again."
That was great! But what about HER stomach? "Why don't you join me in the living room and see if we can catch up on the plot of "Third Watch"?...Or would you rather leave and I'll tell Jim you stopped by to see him. As I said, there's no telling how late he's going to be."
"Do you mind it I just hang around?" Harm asked.
Nina got brave. "Yes, I do mind, Harm. I have a bunch of things to do and several telephone calls to make and if it won't offend you, I would prefer being alone. I hope you understand. You see, after I teach all day, Jim and I respect each other's privacy and we've learned to leave each other alone and give ourselves a chance to unwind."
"Well, if you'd rather I leave..." Harm said.
"Yes, I would. I just don't want you to take it personally and hurt your feelings. I'm sure Jim isn't angry with you for missing practice...especially since you were ill. I'll tell him as much and maybe you'll feel well enough to talk with him at school tomorrow and tell him what you wanted to say tonight...that is, unless you want to leave him a message I can give to him."
"No, maam. What I have to say to him, I have to say in person."
"Do you have a problem? Something I can help you with.?"
"I have a problem. I don't want to go into it, but you may have the same problem as I."
"Now I'm intrigued. What kind of problem could the two of us have in common?" she asked, hoping he wouldn't go into it.
"I'd rather not say. But you'll find out about it soon enough...that is, if you don't already know."
"Harm, you're talking in circles. If you have something to say, just spit it out! I've known you since you were a little boy. I can't imagine anything that you couldn't talk to me about."
"Mrs. Kerr, have you ever been involved with one of your students?"
"Heavens, no! Why do you ask?"
"You must have had favorite students...some that stood out more than others. One or two you might have even been attracted to."
"I really haven't, Harm, but I don't think this is a subject we should be discussing.," she said, still avoiding putting the first bite of that horrid meal in her mouth.
"Has the Coach?" he quickly asked.
"Jim? Of course not. There've been times when a little cheerleader might have had a schoolgirl crush on him, but that's to be expected and easy to deal with."
"What if you found out that some guy, one of your students, had a crush on you?"
"I would be polite, but I would find some way to discourage him."
"Even if he was a good-looking hunk like Tom?"
"Even a good-looking hunk like Tom." She was certain now that Harm suspected something between Jim and Tom. "Jim and I are very happily married and have a close relationship. I could never imagine anyone coming between us."
"You might be in for a shock!" he suddenly blurted out.
"You think some girl has the `hots' for Jim?"
"Nope...not some girl..."
"Harm, I don't know what you are implying, but I don't like the tone of what you're saying...and now I WILL ask you to leave."
"I'll leave...but I may wait outside until the coach gets home."
"Harm, I don't want to get angry or nasty, but if you do, I'm afraid I'll have to call the campus security. Now I'll ask you one more time..please leave!". For the first time, she raised her voice above a friendly level.
"All right, I'll go, but after I'm gone, you sit here alone and see if you can put two and two together, and see what you come up with. You're a schoolteacher! You're the smart one. See if you can figure out what I'm referring to."
Nina walked to the door and opened it, giving Harm a look that she wanted him to leave...and now! Harm slowly sauntered to the door to make his exit. Before he took his last step out, he turned to her and said, "If I were you, I'd go to my fuse box and click off all the circuit breakers, because, like I said, `You're in for a shock!' I wouldn't want to see you get hurt, but I'm afraid you will be. in spite of my warning." With that, he left.
Nina closed the door, latching the chain and turning the deadbolt lock in place. Her whole body was trembling. She picked up the Mexican dinner and took it to the kitchen sink where she promptly spilled it down the garbage disposal. She held on to the edge of the sink to steady her nerves and tried to assemble her thoughts on what to do...Call the police? The campus security? Risk the chance of getting in her car and driving in the night to find Jim? She had never seen this side of the laughing, fun-loving Harm. He was like another person...or at least the same person with a separate identity. She suddenly believed Harm was capable of killing Sandy. If he had suffered some kind of psychotic break, he could easily kill again. Jim must be his target...or Tom...or, stranger still, Jim AND Tom.
She became edgier with the thought that Jim and Tom might NOT have gone out for pizza. What if they were together somewhere, doing God knows what? Both of their lives were in danger if Harm found them. She had to find them. If she alerted the police or security and if they found Jim and Tom engaging in some kind of sexual interlude, then all would be ruined for everyone concerned. Then again, without police protection, they could both wind up dead and she would blame herself for not trying to stop it.
She ran to the living room and got the coat she had thrown over the back of the easy chair, grabbed her purse and pulled out her car keys. She made a dead-run for the car from the kitchen door. Once inside, she locked all the car doors, started the engine and began her trek to find Jim before Harm did. Her mind was racing with a million ideas of things she could do or could have done. She could've picked up a frying pan and conked Harm over the head. Then she could have tied him up with the new clothes line she'd bought for her undies in the bathroom. Maybe she SHOULD have kept Harm there with her until Jim came home. She and Jim could have overpowered him some way. DAMN! DAMN! DAMN1... "Shoulda... coulda... woulda" ... was the story of her whole life. She'd even be willing to give Jim up to Tom as long as they both were safe and alive. Her thoughts were going too far now. As she drove, she suddenly had this pain in her chest. SHIT! A heart attack or a panic attack? Either one, she couldn't get her breath. She couldn't stop! She had to make it to the pizza parlor, at least, before she worried about her own well-being. GODDAMN! Was she blacking out? Should she pull the car over to the curb until she regained her consciousness? NO! She had to keep going. Her vision was getting so dim, she didn't even see the headlights of the on-coming car that was approaching nor did she hear the sound of her car crashing head on into the newspaper van. EVERYTHING WENT BLACK!! The car accident was loud enough to bring four houses of neighbors to their front porches. The only sound any of them heard was the hissing radiators from both vehicles.
(to be continued in Chapter Six).(RC)