At Last! Part #8 Steve Smith pogopogo2012@hotmail.com
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The days following our coming out to our children were pretty routine other than the extreme joy of waking up with Tommy every morning, and being with him every evening after work and every weekend. I talked to Patty on the phone a couple of times and I was pleased to hear that all the kids had either called her or went to see her, offering her their love and support. She is coming to accept the reality of me being gay and us divorcing, although she tried one more time to get us back together.
"Maybe Doris and I went a bit too far in our demand that you see Dr. Richardson and that you and Tommy not see each other any more" she said in one of our conversations. "We are willing to go back to the every other weekend arrangement like we had before".
"Patty", I calmly said, "You can't close the barn door after the horse is out. And I am literally out". I couldn't blame her for trying and felt badly for changing her life so dramatically. We agreed to get the divorce proceedings underway and promised we would separate our assets fairly. In addition to dividing our investments I told her she could keep the house, for which she was grateful. I didn't want her to have to undergo the trauma of moving on top of losing me as her husband.
A couple weeks later, on a Saturday afternoon, there was a knock on our apartment door. Tommy and I were watching a college game on TV, in the nude of course. It startled us because rarely does anyone visit us and when they do they always call first. I looked through the peephole and saw that it was my grandson, Aiden. "One minute", I called out. Tommy and I both keep a pair of shorts and a T-shirt by the door just in case we have to dress quickly. In short order I was able to open the door.
"Aiden, what a nice surprise to see you", I said as we embraced. "What brings you here? How did you know where I lived?"
"Hi Papa, hi Tommy", he said. "Uncle Jason gave me your address. Grandpa, I need to talk to you about something". He looked uncomfortable, very unlike his normal easygoing nature. Tommy immediately picked up on this and told us that he would leave us alone to talk and said he needed to do some grocery shopping. He got his wallet, put on his shoes, and left.
Aiden is a great kid and we have always had a special bond, probably because I always take whatever he says or does seriously. I've encouraged him to do his best in school and in his sports and often tell him how proud of him I am. Even though just turning sixteen he was already just an inch short of six feet tall. His long and lanky body would fill out in time. His shaggy dark brown hair fell just above his eyes and over his ears. He had bright hazel eyes, like my own. He wore black-framed glasses that gave him a cute Harry Potter look.
We talked for a while about school and his extracurricular activities. He asked me to show him around the apartment. In the bedroom he paid special attention to the three pictures that Tommy's brother Jake had drawn up at the cabin. We had retrieved them one weekend recently and framed them. I was embarrassed for my grandson to see them since they showed Tommy and me each with oversized erect cocks and the one with Tommy and I making love was really graphic. I apologized for them but he just nervously laughed and said he has seen a lot more than that on the Internet. He kept fidgeting and I could tell something serious was on his mind.
When we got back to the living room I asked, "What's wrong?"
He beat around the bush for a while, finally telling me that he had overheard his mother and father talking about me, saying how disgusting it was that I was in a homosexual relationship.
"Papa, they kept going on and on about how awful and sinful you are".
"Well, I don't think I am awful and sinful".
"I don't think you are awful and sinful either. Can I ask you a really personal question?"
"Sure, I've told you many times that I would always have your back and we could talk about anything that might be on your mind".
Blushing he said, "When did you realize you were gay?"
"Down deep, even as a teenager, I felt a strong sexual attraction to other boys and then other men when I was in college, but I suppressed those feelings." I told him about my growing up years in my very conservative Catholic home. I told him how I struggled with my sexual identity all my life and that it was only after I met Tommy that I allowed my true self to be realized. "Why do you ask?" I questioned.
"Well, sometimes I, um, think about, um, other guys when I am um, um, um, you know".
"When you are masturbating?"
Aiden's face turned crimson. "Yes", he softly said with his eyes turned downward.
"Aiden, first of all you should not be embarrassed that you masturbate".
"But some of the guys at school say only losers and homos jack off. And I kind of do it a lot. Maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I am a loser".
"Aiden, you are far from being a loser and you need to know that just about every guy jacks off. I'd bet a million dollars that those same guys are masturbating as well but would never admit it. Don't listen to them. Masturbation is a special gift. It brings pleasure and sexual relief to a guy. Why not use that gift? As long as you are doing it in private, whether alone or with someone else, and it isn't interfering with your schoolwork or extracurriculars, you need to just lay back, so to speak, and enjoy it."
"Did you jack off when you were my age?"
"Of course I did. I still do. And so did your father."
With wide eyes he said, "You do? He did? How do you know?"
"Well, I think I know when I'm getting myself off", I kidded.
"No", he laughed. "I mean my father. How do you know he jacked off?"
"When your father and your uncles started going into puberty I sat each one down and not only talked to them about how babies are made but also talked to them about the joy of masturbation. I pretty much told them what I just told you; that masturbation is the body's gift to itself and one should never feel guilty for doing it. I know your father masturbated because he took a lot of long showers with the bathroom door locked, as most teenage boys do, and there were always many tell tale signs of cum stains on his sheets. I was happy that he was enjoying himself and using that gift. Didn't you and your dad ever talk about it?"
"When I first started doing it, I was almost twelve, I tried asking him questions because I was worried and confused but he simply said that one should control one's urges as best they could and then changed the subject. I tried talking to him again when I was around fourteen because I was really getting into it a lot but worried that I was doing something harmful to myself. He just quoted a passage from the Bible about Onan spelling his seed on the ground and being punished by God for it. Then he changed the subject again. He made me feel even more guilty about doing it, although it didn't and doesn't stop me from jacking off a lot".
"And what is a lot?"
Blushing again he said, "Well, I masturbate just about every day, sometimes even two or three times some days. Did you ever masturbate that often?"
"Aiden, it is perfectly normal for a teenage boy to masturbate daily and even multiple times during the day. It is even normal for an adult man, especially one who is not in a sexual relationship with another man or woman, to masturbate daily as well. Why I remember when I was about your age my family was away for the day so I had a contest with myself to see how many times in one day I could masturbate".
"You did? How many times did you do it?"
Chuckling I said, "Nine. But I must tell you that my penis was pretty sore by the end of the day and only a few drops of juice came out on number nine. It was fun, but after a day or two of rest I went back to my couple times a day routine, which really is more pleasurable. Now let's talk about what you are thinking about when you masturbate". His face got red again. "Don't be embarrassed. You said that you think about guys sometimes. Do you think about girls too?"
"Yes, I can masturbate to a picture of a hot girl but to be honest I probably think of another guy's junk much more than I do a girl's privates. I even go on the Internet to find pictures and videos of naked men. Dad thinks he has parental controls on my computer but I know how to get around them. Does looking at naked men on the Internet mean I'm gay?"
"What about when you are at the beach or the pool? Do you enjoy looking at girls in their bikinis or do you mainly focus on the guys in their bathing suits?"
"Both, but I especially like to see guys if they have a Speedo on. And in the locker room and showers at schools I check out the other guys. I'm gay, aren't I?" he asked again.
"Aiden, just about all guys check the equipment of other guys especially at your age. Teenage boys can be very insecure about the size of their penises and they often just want to make sure they aren't much different than others. And you have to remember that when a guy hits puberty, how fast one starts growing in height and starts growing the size of their penis can vary widely between guys even of the same age".
"Oh, I'm not insecure. I'm already six inches and still growing", he blurted out. I burst out laughing. "TMI?" he asked.
"Six inches soft or hard?" I joked.
Not knowing I was kidding he said, "Oh, I wish I was 6 inches when soft. That would really make all the other guys' heads turn".
I couldn't resist taking the joke further and asked, "Turning which of their heads?' He had a puzzled look on his face. As he tried to figure out what I meant, I thought back when I was a teenager and just about every week I would sneak my mother's cloth tape measure out from her sewing box to check out the length and girth of my hard cock. I was always so proud when it would go up a notch or two. He then got the joke.
"Oh, I get it. The head of their dicks! Maybe my Dad is right and you are sinful".
"Maybe I am", I laughed. Then getting serious I said, "Just because you think of other guys sometimes and check out their bodies on the beach or in the locker room doesn't necessarily mean you are gay. At your age your sex hormones are raging and you probably get a hard on from eating Cheerios. So relax and try to go with the flow. Maybe you are gay, maybe you are straight, and maybe you are some where in between". I explained to him at length how each person's sexuality is determined at birth and how it can range from total heterosexuality to total homosexuality although I told him that I didn't think a person is ever 100% in either direction. I explained that lifestyle and choices could modify one's orientation a bit in either direction but that for the most part we are who we are.
With a very concerned look on his face he said, "I've got to tell you about one other thing that I thought I would never tell another living soul but I know I can trust you and it is so easy to talk to you. Promise me you won't tell any one, except Tommy I guess, but you have to swear him to secrecy as well. I hope you won't think less of me when I tell you".
"I promise". I was fearful he was going to tell me something awful like he was being sexually abused.
"Well, um, sometimes, um, when I, um, masturbate, um, um, I put something, um, up in me. That's kind of gross isn't it?"
Relieved because that was all it was, I said, "No, some people might think it's gross to put something up your butt but I don't. If it gives you pleasure, you are careful that whatever you put in you can easily get out, and you don't hurt yourself, then I think it is perfectly fine and natural".
"What's it like to have sex with another person?" he then asked, quickly changing the subject. He was on a roll.
"As much fun as it is to masturbate, it's triple the fun and pleasure to have sex with someone you love. Because when you make love to your soul mate you want to do things for the other person's pleasure and find it is more important than your own pleasure. Strangely, when you think mainly about giving the other person pleasure your own pleasure increases significantly".
"Is Tommy your soul mate?"
"Yes, he is", I lovingly said.
"I gotta go", he suddenly exclaimed as he jumped up. "I didn't realize how late it was getting and Dad thinks I went over to my best friend Jeff's house for the afternoon. If I don't have the car back by dinnertime there will be hell to pay. I told Jeff not to call me on the house phone so I wouldn't get trapped in my lie. He's cool. Speaking of Jeff, I have one other thing to tell you and ask. Jeff sometimes hints around that perhaps the two of us could maybe do some personal things together, if you know what I mean. He even asked once if I could ever jack off with someone else. I think he'd like us to jack together. I'd like to but I am scared if someone like my dad found out or it changed my friendship with Jeff. Would it be wrong if we did some, you know, guy things together?"
I couldn't help but notice that Aiden had a very evident erection in his loose basketball shorts, obviously from our conversation and from talking about he and Jeff. "No, there is nothing wrong or bad about that. If you trust him and take it slow, and only do what the two of you are comfortable in doing, then it again is perfectly normal".
Aiden was leaving just as Tommy got back. Aiden hugged and thanked me for a reassuring discussion. I could feel his erection as he hugged me. He promised to come back soon, which brought joy to my heart. "We don't have to talk about sex the next time if you don't want to" he whispered in my ear. I whispered back, "We can talk about anything that's on your mind, including sex if you want." He then hugged Tommy saying to him, "I'm glad you are my Grandfather's soul mate. You must have a lot of fun together". Aiden smiled and winked at me as he went out the door.
With a puzzled look on his face, Tommy asked, "What was all that about? Did he have a hard on?"
I must admit the talk with Aiden also made me horny so that I too had an erection straining to get out of my shorts. I took Tommy's hand and led him to the bedroom. "I'll tell you all about it after I suck and fuck you, then masturbate for you", I said.
"Wow, that must have been some talk", he laughed.
After an hour of love making and me causing Tommy to have two pretty intense orgasms, we laid continently back on the pillows.
"If that is the result, Aiden needs to come over more often for a talk with you", he joked.
I smiled and told Tommy the whole conversation Aiden and I had.
"Hmmm", Tommy said. "Sounds like he could be leaning gay".
"Yes", I said, "but I am going to encourage him to not make any decisions on his sexual identity and let things slowly play out. I'm going to suggest that he keep his feelings and actions low key in high school and then experiment and maybe decide once he is in college and out of his house".
"I wish I had had a father or grandfather like you to talk to when I was young", Tommy said.
"Me too", I said. "I'm going to do everything I can to help him. It's nice to be out and able to talk so freely about feelings and sexual needs. I always wanted to be more open and helpful to others. Now I can do that. At Last!"