Ascension

Ascension Chapter 5

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Jakob's full story has been darker than the previous stories. Thanks for supporting him, knowing he does rise from his past. This a gentler chapter.

21

"When did the drinking start?" Trevor asked.

"From the first day it was legal."

We were down to one table in the restaurant. They had just finished dessert. Most staff were attending their cleaning duties. By this time, I should have been released. The manager asked me to stay. To my surprise, a cake with candles was brought out. Several of the servers were singing. I was not expecting any attention.

"Wow. I – I – I ..." I couldn't stutter out a finished sentence.

"Blow out all the candles," Victor said.

I had to assume my new roommate was behind this. He knew it was my birthday but hadn't indicated he was working on anything. The manager was all smiles as she cut the cake. Everyone scarfed down a slice, gave me happy wishes and a few hugs. Angel kissed me on the cheek. They all had closing duties, so we could only take a short break for such nonsense.

"I'm sure you are responsible for this," I said to Victor. "Thank you."

"Happy birthday, sweetie," he said and gave me a hug.

The final table left.

"Stick around a bit?" the manager said.

"Yeah. Sure. Anything wrong?"

"Goodness no," she said and handed me a frozen margarita seconds later.

"What's this?"

"Sweetheart, you're 21. You deserve a drink. Enjoy."

I slipped some of the frozen lime-infused liquid into my mouth.

"I love these," I said.

"I know. I remember. You're one of six people who have been with this restaurant for my last four years here. This is a transient business. It's nice to have people who stay with you. You're a hard worker, Jakob."

"Thanks," I said, after swallowing another sip.

"Now that you are old enough to serve drinks, would you like to become a server?"

I had thought about this for a long time. Servers took home much more in tips. It would be a pay bump, for sure. Maybe that would give me some financial stability.

"I would."

"I'll put you on the training schedule next week."

We talked for a while. Alice kept giving me margaritas. My manager was really nice. Apparently, it was commonly known I did not have a bed of my own — or my own room. Perhaps that spurred the nice gesture everyone put forth for me tonight. Staff members kept coming to the bar to be signed out by Alice. A few of them gave me birthday wishes again before heading out.

Victor joined us after finishing up, and Alice gave him a free margarita too. She was in a good mood. Victor could be very kind. When he finished his margarita, I was wrapping up my third.

"Okay. I'm really feeling these," I told them.

I would later be told that I was starting to slur my words, so Victor asked for my keys. He pulled my car into a locked area where it could stay overnight. I didn't necessarily remember getting into his car, but he drove us home. I did at least remember thanking Alice for her kindness. Before we left, I told Victor and Alice it was my nicest birthday since I was 18. No question. Someone actually gave me some attention. It wasn't a lot, but I felt noticed.

We were fairly loud when we walked in. Graham came out of his room.

"Happy birthday, Jakob," he said.

"Thanks. Sorry to awaken you. I'm kind of buzzed."

"He's kind of smashed," said Victor.

Graham went back to his room.

Victor sat down next to me. "I could do one last thing for your birthday. Want to fuck me?"

I laughed. "You're sweet."

"So?"

"You're sweet, but there's no way. In the state I'm in, I couldn't get anything to work. I just want to crash."

"If you're sure."

I was. I wasn't even going to attempt to pull out the mattress. I slumped over on the couch. I tried to untie my shoes. I couldn't. I finally just pushed them off with my feet. I had just enough strength to pull off my shirt. The last coherent thought I had was trying to figure out how Timothy could have sex when stoned. And I was out.

"I got plastered on margaritas on my birthday. It was legal to drink. I trained to be a server now that I was 21, and it helped financially. Briefly. You start at the bottom so I wasn't getting the killer shifts, so I would still bus on the good nights, just to make some cash. My goal was to save enough to buy a bed. But I had to get a room first."

"So you were going to go out on your own eventually?"

"I didn't think too far ahead. I wanted a bed. But I couldn't put it in the living room obviously."

"Sure."

"That year was okay, at first. Being one of the servers, I often would go out with them following work. If they did a club, I would rarely dance, but it was nice to go with them. They seemed like friends. At least at the time. But I slowly became one of those people I used to mock. I would spend my money partying and drinking. It was so foolish. I think wanting to feel included became ... sort of addictive. I made such idiotic decisions."

"Perhaps. But have you considered that it could have been a potential coping mechanism, considering you were cast out as a teenager? Just feeling a need to belong is a strong emotion felt by the young."

"Hm." I pondered Trevor's question. "I suppose I didn't look at it that way. But still, I should have been preparing for the chance that something might go wrong. Which it did. I should have saved."

Graham and Victor were college friends. I was under the impression they were a couple at some point several years ago. They were quite different now. Victor was outgoing. Graham was quiet. Their schedules were different too. Graham had a typical 9 to 5 job. Victor had the late nights at the restaurant. I always appreciated Graham attempting to be as quiet as he could when making breakfast. He had the master bedroom, so we never heard him getting up and around.

Both of them expected me to clean their bedrooms once a week. That was the deal. Graham always complimented me. Once I rearranged things on his bookshelf. He said it looked great. I had a flair for it. I even bought a couple of items that made the whole thing look nice. He really took that to heart. When I made their beds, I tried to remember what I saw in those magazines when I was younger. At least in my mind, the rooms looked better than when I started.

Victor never praised me. He gave me a sincere "thank you" and that was it.

I had two beers one afternoon when I was cleaning Victor's room. I usually didn't drink that much in the day, but I was in a mood. And we had it around the apartment, so I just did. I didn't dance much when I went out with others. I didn't think I was a good dancer. But I put on some music and started dancing by myself as I cleaned Victor's room. One wild whirl to "Moves Like Jagger" and I had knocked over a lamp. It was completely broken. It was nothing irreplaceable, but still a stupid move on my part.

When Graham came home from work, he was sympathetic to my situation but said I shouldn't beat myself up too much. It was an accident.

"My two roommates were Victor and Graham. College buddies. Graham was kind, but his schedule was so different than ours. I didn't spend as much time with him as I might have liked. Victor and I worked together. I was expected to clean the apartment regularly. I accidentally broke a lamp of Victor's. He came home with a coworker. He was livid. I completely apologized. He yelled at me for a while. I could tell he had already had something to drink."

"Victor. He was the mean drunk?"

"Right. He and our coworker kept drinking. They were in the living room, which is where I slept. I couldn't really get ready for bed other than brush my teeth. The more they drank, the louder they got. Graham came out to see me just sitting on the couch."

"Jakob, not that my room is that much quieter, but do you want to sleep with me?"

"Like ... in your bed? With you?"

"I don't bite. I swear."

I chuckled. "That's not what I meant. That's very nice of you."

"He invited me into his room. It was a kind gesture on his part."

"What kind of invitation was it?"

"To sleep. Really. That was all. Graham was really what I would have wanted for a boyfriend. Handsome, polite, intelligent. We just didn't spend time together. I appreciated all of his good qualities, but I hadn't developed feelings for him. He was four years older. At that time, I probably felt that difference was huge. It's funny because I am four years older than my husband Lance."

I took off my jeans and socks. I left my underwear and shirt on.

"This is really kind, Graham. Thank you. I was getting the impression I was never going to get any sleep."

"I know. Victor can be a dick after a few drinks."

I let him get into bed first. I would fill whatever leftover space once he had his "side."

I crawled in and pulled up the sheet. Graham turned off his lamp and said, "Good night."

"Good night. Man. I haven't slept in an actual bed in ages."

It felt good. I hadn't felt a real bed since nights with Timothy. I didn't know if it was because I said that or if it just felt natural, but when I rolled onto my side, Graham did the same and put his arm around me.

We were silent for a moment.

"Is that okay?" he mumbled.

"Yeah," I said dumbfounded.

It honestly felt glorious. I loved being held. To be held by such a handsome man was a thrill. There was nothing affectionate going on, but it was a thrill. I smiled in the darkness. Graham wore sleep pants to bed with no shirt. I could feel his chest just slightly touch my back. His crotch was pressed into my ass, but not tightly. For a moment, I was just aware of the bulge, but then he pulled back. For such a terrible day, this was just a slight moment of heaven. Minutes later I could hear the slightest of snores letting me know he had drifted off. I melted into his embrace.

"Nothing happened. But he held me. It reminded me of being with Anson. That had been three years before. I never forgot what being held in a bed felt like. I think it was the purest sense of comfort. Graham had only brought two men home that I could remember. Each one once. The first one was Black, the second one Caucasian. As I lay there with him, I thought he was a magnificent catch. I wondered why he never found someone to fall in love with. That made me realize I wanted to be in love again. It had been quite some time."

"Did you plan on dating again?"

"The lack of a bed situation still bothered me. Money too, even though I seemed to somehow justify going out for drinks."

Victor and Panther had left the living room. I soon heard them both in bed. I didn't know Panther's real name. We all just knew him by that. I couldn't tell one groan from the other. I couldn't tell who was the top and who was the bottom. Finally Panther screamed "Fuck me." That told me what I needed to know. They went after it for about 15 minutes. I could hear quite a bit of it. Graham slept through it. It made me realize that on those occasions Graham did bring someone home, I didn't hear them from the living room.

In the middle of the night, Graham got up to pee. He came back and climbed into bed. This time I put my arm around him. He accepted it. I lay there thinking how blissful it was to hold a man. He drifted off to sleep right away. I felt my cock get hard and press into his ass. He didn't notice. I fell asleep a few minutes later.

"I never felt like I was worth dating, to be honest. None of the gay men at work showed me much attention. I knew I wasn't handsome."

"Why do you say that?"

I looked at Trevor quizzically. "Well. Look at me."

"Jakob, it's not something I would typically say in a discussion like this, but you have an adorable, boy-next-door quality. You're very cute."

"Whatever. I know better."

"I'm not saying they are going to cast you as the next Captain America, but I get the impression you are too hard on yourself. You're a fine-looking man."

"Not as good looking as Graham. He could do way better than me. Almost six feet tall, handsome, sandy blond hair, trim — he was a catch. I had no self-esteem at that time. Not that I'm a shining fireball of confidence right now, but back then, it was zilch."

"Let's keep going with that," Trevor said. "Continue."

"Anytime I even remotely thought about dating someone — and I only really knew people at work — I questioned how far it would go. I couldn't bring anyone home."

"Because of the bed."

"Sure."

"Was sleeping with someone that crucial to dating for you?"

"It's not like the gay community has a lot of people who say, `Let's wait until we get married.' I just thought it out far enough to realize that I could never take it to where it would naturally go."

"You could have gone to that person's place."

"True. And I did think of that, but no one really showed interest, so I didn't pursue it. I just figured no one was interested. I wasn't dating material."

Trevor scribbled a few notes. I wondered what I had said. Clearly, he knew I wasn't proud of myself back then.

"Did you try to build friendships?"

"I guess. I suppose it was just a feeling of needing company. I didn't want to be alone. So several of us went out drinking frequently. So, I probably could have saved more if it weren't just the feelings of not wanting to be alone. So ... drinking buddies was about as much as a friendship that I had. I was sort of the odd duck. Several of them would smoke ... and smoke pot too. Being the little church boy, I'm sure they thought I was too innocent or naïve to be that much fun. But we did go out and drink. That was a common link, so I grabbed on to it."

Trevor nodded.

"You know, there was a time when Graham and I had a simple friendship," I added.

"Tell me more."

"Victor had loud friends over again. Graham opened his door to see if I was a part of it or if I was just being kept awake. He saw me on the couch. He nodded his head motioning me to his room. I was glad."

"Good ol' Victor," Graham said as I slipped into his bed after taking off my jeans and shirt.

"He's not always this bad," I said, trying to say something nice.

"Drinking always made him louder. He was this way in college. `Let's party, let's go drinking, let's grab some weed, let's go clubbing." Graham let out a sigh.

"Didn't you date for a little while?" I asked.

"About three weeks. We had been friends in class for a while. Once we knew for sure that each other was gay, we tried to get closer. We were not a good fit."

"Why so?"

"Well, `Let's party, let's go drinking, let's grab some weed, let's go clubbing.' It's not that I wouldn't do those things ever, but he was just so adamant that we did them all the time. I wanted to focus on class. I could tell he was bringing my grades down. We weren't great in bed either."

"Oh."

"And ... I should clarify, it wasn't his fault or anything he did. I just ... I'm not a fan of ... everything."

This sounded personal. I didn't want to pry. If Graham wanted to offer anything further, he could. I wouldn't ask.

"I'm sorry. I'm sure that was disappointing," I softly said.

Graham was quiet. We both stared at the ceiling.

"I'm a lousy gay," Graham said.

"What?? Graham, you are very handsome. You're super nice. Anyone would be lucky to have you as a boyfriend."

He rolled over and put an arm across my chest.

"That's kind of you. But I don't fit into the gay community well. I don't like clubbing, I didn't want to do drugs in college, and I didn't align sexually with most people."

"Oh."

"Victor is a mad fuck. You get him drunk, and he will destroy your ass."

I laughed. Graham did after I did.

"You'll probably think I'm a total loser, but I'm not a fan of fucking. Victor fucked me once, and it hurt so bad. He wanted to do it more, but I always suggested other ... things."

"That doesn't make you a bad gay person," I said, feeling brave enough to hold his hand on my chest.

"I suppose. I just didn't fit. I had this career-focused mentality, and Victor — and most of the gay friends I knew — were about having fun. Looking back, I'm glad I was responsible. I've got a great job; he works in a restaurant. Sorry, no offense."

"None taken."

"He didn't use his degree. We still stayed friends, but we aren't close. I think of us as roommates rather than friends now. I'm not sure he'll ever change."

"Hm." I didn't know what to say. We weren't talking about anything cheery, but it dawned on me that I was enjoying sharing with someone. Anson and I used to be very open. I missed it.

"Victor doesn't listen to me," I said. "When I mention it's getting a little loud — not just for me, but for our neighbors, I'm sure — he just waves me off. People don't listen to me. He sure doesn't."

"That's Victor." He gave me the smallest kiss on my neck. "Don't let him get to you."

We didn't say anything else. We snuggled and tried to get some sleep. Two hours later we heard a loud crash. Both of us jumped up in the bed.

"What was that?" I asked, startled.

"I'll go check," he groaned, throwing off the sheets.

Since I was awake, I needed to pee. I got up and went to the bathroom. I squinted as the lights came on. I could hear a little from the bathroom. The bedroom door was still open a few inches. Lots of laughing, I heard the word "blood," and it continued to be loud. Nothing screamed: "emergency." I crawled back in bed.

Graham came back into the bedroom. Closing the door, it seemed really dark. I looked at the clock. 2:24.

I could hear Graham rustling around, but he didn't get in bed right away. Eventually I felt the sheet move.

"What's going on?"

"One of Victor's friends dropped something and slammed his head into the table getting up. They're so drunk, they think it is hysterical. We checked to see if he was bleeding, but there is no blood. There is enough of a scratch that he is going to feel it tomorrow."

Graham rolled into me again and held me.

"If I haven't said thank you for rescuing me tonight, thank you," I told him.

"He might grow up one day."

We gave a light chuckle.

"Thanks for listening to me earlier," Graham said to me.

"Anytime. That's what friends are for."

Friends. I liked thinking that. Our schedules were very different. We hadn't spent a lot of time together, particularly just the two of us, but Graham was nice to talk to. The two of us had seemed to let our guards down tonight.

I clutched his hand. He made the softest of hums in approval. Almost like a purr.

I felt something press into my hip. I assumed it was his other arm. I reached back to hold him, a hip or leg or something. I felt the hair on his leg, I slowly moved my hand and realized I was touching his bare rear end. He had taken off his sleepwear. Graham was lying with me naked.

My heart skipped a beat and I breathed in all the oxygen in the room. My eyes were wide open. Why did he do this? He hadn't said anything. Was I expected to do something? I was momentarily alarmed. Sirens were flashing in my eyes.

I exhaled as silently as possible.

He was laying contented. Graham didn't seem to be expecting anything. I just heard him breathing. I wasn't sure if he was awake or not. Slowly, I relaxed again into his embrace. The warmth of his skin on my fingertips was comforting. I was laying with a naked man once again. I didn't need to know anything further. I didn't question it.

We were at peace.

Five minutes later, there was a roar of laughter from the kitchen.

"Ugh," we both said at the same time, and then chuckled. Graham made a big sigh. I heard him mutter "Victor" under his breath.

He pressed closer to me. His arm squeezed me tight for a moment. Then he pulled his hand from mine and moved it across my chest. He gently felt the hair that had grown in fairly thick around my pecs. It was my turn to purr. Soon his fingers stopped caressing my chest and roamed further down to my navel and then to my briefs. His large hand gently gripped the bulge in my underwear. I had been hard for several minutes. He could feel it through the fabric.

He didn't say anything; I didn't say anything. It was just there. My hand still cupped his ass behind me. His rod was pressed hard into my hip.

I had no idea what Graham was thinking. I, on the other hand, was exhilarated. I hadn't felt anything sensual with another person since Timothy more than a year ago. I breathed slowly in my contentment.

We were at peace.

A minute later, Graham rolled his body slightly. My hand had been on his butt, but as he rolled, my touch flowed along his body until he moved his cock right into my fingers. I gripped his erection and held it. At first. I just held it. Seconds later, I squeezed it a little. It was so warm. Then I loosened my grip so that my fingers could touch its entire length, fondling it up and down the rigid staff. Graham accepted everything.

I rolled onto my back and gently pulled on his firm anatomy. He hummed. I knew he wanted me to feel his cock. I wished I could see it, but it was too dark. His legs kicked the sheet off of us. As I began to get serious about giving Graham a full handjob, his fingers slipped below the waistband of my briefs and touched my dick. That was a bolt of lightning through my system. I stopped my service only for a moment. Soon, my underwear was tossed to the floor. Side by side, skin against skin, our hands felt each other. I loved it.

It was tender.

I knew I wanted his cock in my mouth. I leaned up and over his crotch. I hesitated ever so slightly in case he wanted to tell me "no." He didn't. His shaft felt magnificent as it moved into my mouth. As I slurped on its length, it was heaven.

Graham softly moaned. The noise from the kitchen would drown out anything anyway.

I began sucking aggressively. I hadn't performed oral sex in ages. It felt nice. It felt invigorating. I felt alive.

I sucked and slurped and licked and engulfed his cock. It was nice: six inches firm, cut and streamlined. I wished I could see it.

Graham moved his arms to pull and maneuver my body. It took me a moment to understand his intent. Soon I realized we were going to 69. He swallowed my hard dick in his mouth.

"Oh yeah," I moaned.

I put my mouth back on his hard cock. We serviced each other for many minutes. We didn't seem to be in any rush. I inhaled the scent of his crotch in my nostrils. His hand cupped my ass cheek. And we sucked and sucked with a succulence of some forbidden fruit.

Graham's breath exhaled through his nostrils onto my balls. It was heavy. He hummed louder around my cock. His body language was telling me everything. He was going to come any second.

I gripped his ass and pushed him firmly into my throat. I wanted to take it all. I felt cum squirt onto my tongue and the roof of my mouth. It struck my throat. It was everywhere as his mouth hummed loudly around my cock. His body shuddered at the end of his orgasm.

I pushed harder and harder into his mouth. I so wanted to come at the same time, but I wasn't there. I sat upright. I moved my body to straddle his chest.

"Come for me," Graham spoke to me.

I yanked my moist erection above his face. My breathing was loud and ragged as I jerked my stiff meat.

"Come for me, Jakob."

"I'm almost there," I gasped.

"Yeah."

"Where should I ... ?"

"Coat my chest."

I wriggled back a foot. I could feel my climax starting to build. It was building. It was building closer. I was almost there. My ragged breathing told Graham everything. I was there.

"Ungh!" I called out. In a nanosecond I wondered if the guys could hear me. A second later, I didn't care.

I fired a fountain of spurts above him. My moaning had a pleading whine to it. I had coated my cum all over Graham. It felt intense. It was a fantastic release. I let out a huge exhale at the end of my orgasm.

"Wow, that was ... wow. I think I'm pretty much covered," Graham said.

"Stay still. I'll get you a towel."

I pulled his towel off the rod in the bathroom. After I had wiped my impromptu lover clean, I threw the towel to the bathroom floor.

When I climbed back into bed, he wrapped his arms around me to hold me. We breathed in contentment.

"I really should get some sleep," he said. He kissed me on the cheek, and we snuggled close.

"Graham and I got close for a little while."

"As friends or ... more?" Trevor asked for clarification.

"Both. Kind of in between. The two of us opened up to each other. Despite him being older, we had a lot in common."

Later that morning, the alarm went off at 6:45. Graham was in my arms at that point. I let go and he turned off the alarm. He stumbled into the bathroom. By the time he had finished taking a leak, I had fallen back asleep.

An hour and 10 minutes later he jostled me awake.

"Wha – huh?"

"Sorry. We'll talk when I get home tonight, okay?"

"Sure. Yeah." I barely was coherent.

He leaned over and gave me a simple kiss on the lips. "Thanks for last night."

And he was gone.

I had the day shift at the restaurant. Lunch was busy, but the afternoon crawled. When the evening shift arrived, I finished my duties and left. I got home around 4:50. I felt as if I was covered in ranch dressing and grilled beef. I wanted another shower.

As I rinsed off, I thought about the previous night. Surely it was a one-night thing. I was nowhere in Graham's league. It was just the situation we found ourselves in. That was all. It was dark.

Even if it was just a fleeting, one-night stand, everything about Graham was comforting. If I were older and had money and a bigger dick and was better looking ... right ... I would love to see us become a couple. It just wasn't in the cards.

I came out of shower wrapped in a towel. I didn't expect anyone to be home but couldn't be sure. Graham came out of the kitchen. He startled me. We chuckled and said hello. I headed toward the chest of drawers for some fresh clothes. He grabbed my wrist and held me in place a moment.

"I probably owe you something from last night."

He pulled off my towel. I immediately felt weird standing naked in the daytime in front of him. He knelt down and put his mouth around my small cock. It wasn't remotely hard. It just looked short. He tickled the head a moment with his tongue. I didn't feel right about any of it.

"Graham, wait. Stop."

He pulled his head back.

"Let me get some clothes on. Let's talk," I said.

A couple minutes later I had a Coke in my hand, and we sat on the couch.

"I'm sorry," he began. "All day long I thought about how I came in your mouth last night and I didn't reciprocate."

"Trust me. I enjoyed everything," I said.

He slumped back into the couch and let out a big sigh.

"Jakob. Jakob, Jakob, Jakob. I'm going to be alone my whole life."

"What do you mean?"

"Last night I told you I was a lousy gay. I am. I just don't fit. I don't fit in with anybody or any group. I'm just an odd duck."

"Like an incredibly handsome, kind, thoughtful odd duck," I quickly countered.

"Thanks."

"So what's wrong?"

"What I did to you last night wasn't right."

"I participated, remember?"

"Yes. I suppose." He sat up and looked at me. "But I thought it felt so nice just to have you next to me. Most guys immediately want to suck and fuck. And I don't fuck well. It hurts when I bottom, and I'm kind of clumsy as a top. I feel ridiculous. So often I wish I had just been born straight and didn't have to deal with all this crap."

"You could be clumsy fucking women."

"Probably!!"

"I'm sorry. That wasn't the point I was trying to make. You have amazing qualities. I'd kill to be you. Heaven knows I'm no gay expert, but there has to be a guy out there that would appreciate you for the wonderful person you are."

"You're sweet. There was actually someone I had really fallen for. I think you saw him when I brought him home."

"Black guy or white guy?"

"Black. Darian. He works on the floor below me. We enjoyed a few lunches together. I found him so handsome. I seem to be into African-American men, by the way. I haven't figured it out, but I'm drawn to them. I thought we might have something. When we went to bed, it started out nice. Quite romantic. He said he wanted to fuck me. I wanted `us' to work so bad, I thought I'd give it a go one more time. It was not good. I'm surprised you didn't hear me scream in pain when he entered me."

"I didn't."

"He was nice enough to do other things, like we did last night, but I sent up a red flag. We were not on the same page sexually. I never saw him at lunch after that day."

"Well, that was cold."

"Perhaps he thought of it as a clean break."

"Still cold."

"Black men have a reputation for being well endowed, so I don't think my dream will come true that way."

"Don't lump everyone into an identical group. People are different. You'll find the right one."

"I just don't fit!" Graham barked in frustration. Then he looked a bit embarrassed. "I'm so sorry. I've just dumped this on you."

"I don't mind. In fact, it's nice just to talk honestly with someone. I hope you always feel like you can talk to me."

"Thanks. Can I treat you to dinner?"

"Like you can have your way with me if you buy me dinner, huh?" I said sarcastically. Then I felt stupid for even saying it. Like Graham would remotely be interested in having his way with me.

"I didn't mean that."

"I know."

"A new pizza place, Parma Sean's, is opening up near the university. Want to check it out?"

"Yum. Sure."

"Graham opened up to me. It kind of reminded me of how Anson and I used to talk. I think I realized that as Graham and I became closer. It had been three years, and I still wasn't fully over Anson," I said, looking over Trevor's shoulder into the middle space.

"Was it helpful?"

"It was. I wasn't happy at that point in my life. Not really. But I enjoyed my moments with Graham. I felt good in those times. I always thought no one listened to me, but Graham did. It was kind of like an older brother."

"But ... did you sleep together?"

"A few times. But I knew it wasn't serious. Graham had told me what he was looking for. I wasn't it. I wasn't even the right race, but I enjoyed those encounters for what they were. It was just ... I don't know what to call it ... an opportunity to enjoy being yourself. He felt he was lousy at being gay. You know what I thought of myself, so we just accepted each other for who we were. We were intimate a couple of times. When Victor was loud and had friends over, he'd invite me into his bedroom. Sometimes we'd have sex, sometimes we didn't."

I was brushing my teeth following the two beers I had after getting home.

"Thanks again for dinner," I said to Graham.

"It was good, wasn't it?"

"I think so. I can see myself going back there again."

"Yeah." Graham stood silent in the middle of the room. I thought it odd. "Jakob, do you want to sleep in my bedroom again?"

Whoa. Where was this heading? We had a nice evening, but nothing ever implied anything romantic other than my lame joke.

"I coooouuld. But I don't know if Victor is bringing any friends over."

"I don't care. It would just be nice to have you next to me."

"Really?" I was in disbelief. "Clothes or no clothes?"

"Either way."

"Hm. Okay."

We went into his room. It wasn't late yet, so we turned on his television and lay on his bed for a little while. He walked into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. He had a clothes hamper in his bathroom closet. I watched him take off one item at a time. Eventually he stepped out of his underwear. I could see the profile of his dick. I wished mine looked like that. Graham's penis wasn't hard, but it still hung about four inches. I figured he would grab his sleepwear and slip the pants on. He didn't. He pulled back the sheet and climbed in. I felt like I should follow his example. I took off everything. He had already seen me naked that afternoon, so seeing me in the low lighting wasn't that big of a deal.

He turned out the lights, switched the TV off and then rolled over and placed an arm around me. Score. If that was all that happened, I was happy.

Graham started asking me questions in the darkened room. He wanted to know about my first gay experiences. From his line of questioning, I felt he was still wrestling with his own struggles and how he fit in with other gay men. As I talked, his fingers gently petted my chest hair. I was so into my own tales, I hardly noticed. When I did, I didn't think too much about it other than I liked it. He just listened. As I told him about the ordeal with my father, he moved his hand to lightly touch my balls. One finger just roamed over each of them as light as a feather. It didn't feel sexual as much as it did tender. I could tell he was giving me his full attention. He enjoyed hearing about Anson and me. I asked if he had any high school experiences. He felt ashamed that he hadn't. Only a few in college, Victor being one of them.

"What man will ever want me, Jakob?" he asked, looking into my eyes in the faintest of light.

"Someone who knows how to make a good choice."

He smiled and gave me a simple kiss on the lips. "You're so sweet."

Would that be all? Was sex in the cards? Graham seemed fragile. For once, it wasn't me. I would follow his lead.

He rolled over and put his arm around me again. I backed up into him and we spooned for a few minutes. I figured that was all that would happen. I was completely happy with that. Of course, my dick was harder than steel. In the silence I listened to him breathe. I could lightly feel his nostrils exhale on my back.

Graham pressed his face into the back of my neck. "Do me a favor?"

"Sure. What?"

"You'll think I'm dumb."

I rolled toward him. "I will not. I never would."

"It's too much to ask," he said backpedaling. His tone conveyed he wanted to take it all back.

"Graham."

He sighed. "Can we practice fucking?"

"Practice??"

"I knew it!!! It's too dumb. I'm sorry. Forget I mentioned it. Gawd, I'm so embarrassed."

"Stop," I said, holding his hand. I gave him a kiss on the lips. "Let's."

Wow. I felt so brave.

"You sure?"

"Yes. I am. How about both ways?"

"Like we both top and bottom? A flip fuck?"

"Yeah," I said with a little odd glee in my voice and a smile on my face.

He gathered a towel, some lube and a condom.

"Oh. I don't have any condoms," I confessed.

"And this is my only."

"I could promise not to come inside you...???" I sounded so irresponsible. "I haven't slept with many men. One actually and he wore a condom. I'm pretty sure I'm safe, but I'm okay if you say `no.' I will understand."

"It was my request. I'll trust you."

We knew Victor wouldn't be home for at least an hour. We didn't rush. I wanted to suck Graham's cock before he put on the condom. He allowed that. As I feasted on his beautiful organ, I let one of my fingers just roam to his hole. It rubbed and massaged and played. It wriggled its way in a millimeter at a time, but no further than my fingernail.

Graham moaned at everything I did. It was curious that someone as handsome as him had about as much sexual experience as me. Actually, with my time with Anson, I probably had more, even though it was simple boyhood stuff. I assumed Graham felt like he was missing out on everything and that was weighing heavily on him.

"I want you to fuck me," he softly whispered.

I took my mouth off his shaft. Reaching for the lube, I got my fingers slick. I probed one inside his hole.

"Oh!"

"Relax. Breathe for me."

"Okay, okay."

He did. I played inside him just as Timothy had done me last year. I took my finger out and lubed up two. Slowly I inserted them.

"Umm!"

"Are you okay?"

"Um. No. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry. Let's take it slow. Breathe and relax for me again."

I put one finger back in. He moaned at that. I put two in. Slowly. Gently. Like watching me move in slow motion. I heard him exhale. I moved them and probed a bit deeper, again very gradually. He accepted it. I toyed with his inner chamber for a couple minutes.

"Roll on your stomach for me."

Graham did. I lubed his hole once more. Then I coated my dick. I hadn't fucked in so long. I didn't have much more confidence than he did, but I wanted to make him feel better about himself. I moved his legs apart. My cock was right at the entrance.

"Okay. You ready?"

He nodded. "Uh huh."

Just the tip went in. His body tensed. I could hear him breathe harder trying to relax. I pushed in a half inch further. He breathed louder.

"Relax for me, Graham."

"I'm okay."

"Okay."

Gently, I thrust my hips to move all the way in.

"Ohhhh. That works," he said to me.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Fuck me, Jakob."

I did. I stiff armed my body and thrust in and out of him the few inches I could. Graham moaned. Graham groaned. Graham hummed. Graham barked. It was his first enjoyable fuck, and he embraced it. It felt good for me too. My shaft felt so good inside him. Sliding and thrusting and drilling: my body enjoyed being both hammer and spike.

"Oh yes. Graham. I feel good inside you. Do you feel good too?"

"Yeah. Oh, yes, Jakob. I'm good. It feels good."

I pounded my cock into him for several minutes. I could feel I was getting close to orgasm. I pulled out.

"I don't want to come yet. Not until you do me."

"Okay." He turned over. "I really did like that."

"I'm not that big. That made it easier."

"That's what I was thinking. It was perfect."

Perfect. I had never been called that. Nothing about me had ever been called that. I wasn't remotely perfect, but my heart soared just to hear someone — anyone — say that to me.

"Now do what I did."

I rolled onto my back. I wanted to watch. Graham lubed my hole.

"One finger."

He did. He explored.

"Two."

Two fingers entered me. He played. I hummed in approval.

"Fuck me, you gorgeous man."

He smiled and chuckled as he rolled the condom on his erection. He spread lube on his cock. I grabbed my legs, offering him my hole. His shiny cock was just visible in the dark room. He had turned the shower light on in the bathroom when getting the towel. A glimmer showed through the door to barely illuminate our love making.

"Gently," I said.

He put the head inside me. I hummed and breathed.

"Okay?"

I nodded. Graham pushed in further. He was gentle, just a centimeter at a time. Soon his entire sword was inside me. I groaned and then so did he.

"Yeah," we both called out at the same time.

"Do me, Graham. I'm yours. Take it."

That sounded sexy hopefully. I wondered if it sounded lame, but Graham was all about the moment.

We fucked for several minutes. Our growling and calling got loud. It was wonderful. He paused just for a moment to lunge down for a kiss. I wasn't expecting that. Considering our actions, it wasn't unusual. My hands reached for the side of his face, and I pulled him in for a second kiss. Then we just panted into each other's mouths as his cock worked my passage.

"I'm too close."

He pulled out. "I'm afraid if I come, I won't want you in me. I want you in me again. Right now."

We flipped. This time I placed him on his side. I came in from behind. We were two throbbing, writhing, gyrating, howling bodies. Minutes went by. We called out each other's names. We called out off-color words. We cussed. We screamed. We made noises that weren't even civil.

"I've got to stop. I want you again. Come inside me, Graham."

We switched and lubed up again. Graham pushed his red cock back inside me. We both groaned at its intrusion. He fucked me powerfully now. I had wished the lights were on so that I could see this beautiful man hover above me in sexual frenzy. I loved listening to him. I loved watching his shadow and the slight glow of his skin in the dim light that filtered in.

This time, Graham got there in a few minutes.

"Jakob," he gasped.

"Come for me."

"Jakob."

"Come inside me."

"Oh, Jakob. Oh, Jakob. Oh, holy fuck. JAKOB!!"

The neighbors heard that. Graham positively growled as his seed spasmed into the waiting condom. I knew it was the safe thing to do, but part of me wished it was all spurting inside me. He pushed and pushed and pushed and then let his cock stay inside me as he remained motionless. His body planked into a stiff sundial. His neck craned to the ceiling while he held his torso on stiff arms. He panted and gasped and breathed.

"Lay on me."

He did. He let his body collapse. I wrapped my arms around him. He looked at me and kissed me deeply. We made out for a couple of minutes. I could feel his penis gradually slip from me. I felt hollow.

We switched positions. I grabbed his cock — now free from the condom — and mine together.

"Oh yeah," he said when he felt our two organs press to each other. I jerked them together.

I had been close to coming before, so it would not take me long. I wrestled our snakes for a couple of minutes. Even though he had finished his orgasm, he seemed to enjoy me manipulating his cock with mine.

"Rub it on my chest," he requested. "Rub your cock on me."

I motioned my body in place to follow his direction. I dry humped his torso.

"Yeah. I like that," he breathed.

"Me too," I whispered.

I moaned as my cock throbbed with stimulation. I thrust my erection up and down his body. I could feel his bush and dick touch my ass. This was incredibly hot. This was more electric than what I had experienced with Timothy.

Graham sensed I was almost there.

"Kiss me, Jakob. Kiss me when you come."

I dove in. Our mouths sealed to each other. I felt his tongue explore mine. I moaned loudly into his mouth. My dick exploded. Liquid splattered both our chests. My cock spewed a wave pool of cum between us. Once he felt it, his hands clutched my ass as it thrust along his navel.

I pulled my mouth away and gasped for air.

"Holy fuck!" he said.

I gasped.

"Oh, man," he praised, I could tell with a smile.

My body melted into his. I gasped.

Our breathing returned. We were a male sticky mess. We didn't move. We were just wrapped together.

"That was the best sex I've ever had," Graham said to me. He kissed me.

"Me too," I agreed.

What Anson and I had was more meaningful, but this was simply hot. Hot sex. Hot, sensual sex. I cared more for Graham than Timothy, so this was the hottest sex I had ever experienced. I stayed on top of him for several minutes. Our naked masculinity became a bond we shared. I felt like some famous sculpture in a world-renowned museum as patrons would gather around and discuss our male forms. Then we decided we should peel our bodies apart.

Once clean, we laid next to each other in the darkness.

"Jakob. Wow. I can't thank you enough."

"Like I did anything special."

"You did."

"Trust me. Most people are better at this than me," I said.

"They aren't at listening. Thank you for listening. Thank you for hearing me."

"Just be yourself."

"In terms of looks and — well, everything — we were completely opposite. But we shared a few insecurities. Once we had sex, we had a connection. I wasn't right for him long term, but I could tell he had feelings for me. He cared about be. In a small way, I hoped I had helped him."

"You didn't think the two of you had a chance?"

"No."

"Why?" Trevor asked.

"I knew what he wanted. Eventually he found a perfect match. He was a cop, actually. He had been married for two years but knew he needed to accept he was gay. Black. Handsome. He even had a kid. Lots of things to unpack for a relationship, but the two of them were really understanding. It is unfortunate that this gentleman had been shot on duty. In the leg. He was confined to a wheelchair for almost a year. Back then his movements were limited. I think that vulnerability helped bring them together. I'm so glad they found each other."

"Do you ever see them now?"

"Every now and then. It's always great to see them. I might ask them to Friendsgiving this year."

"Friendsgiving?"

"Never mind."

"And when he found this person, you weren't jealous?"

"Jealous? No. I was thrilled for him. He opened up to me like a childhood friend as our connection started. But I suppose there was a sense of loss in a way. What's really sweet is the fact that after ... well, a night we had incredible sex, he kissed me goodbye every morning. I'd be lying on the futon mattress in the living room. He just kissed me goodbye on the way out the door. I loved it."

"Interesting."

"Things went really bad shortly thereafter."

"What happened?"

"Victor."

I heard my cell phone ring in my jeans on the floor. I scrambled out of Graham's arms. It was Victor's number. I looked at the clock. It was 5:45.

"Hello?"

"Where the HELL are you man??! Are you okay?"

I could actually hear his voice from the living room.

"Uh. Yeah. I'm in Graham's room."

"Why the hell are you there? I didn't have company last night."

"Don't worry about it. We'll talk later."

"Victor didn't like that Graham and I had slept with each other. It was just a couple times anyway. It was weird that he had kind of a jealous vibe going. But Victor pushed drinks on me a lot. He always liked to have someone to drink with him. I usually complied. The heavier drinking started."

* * * *

Look for a blog post about this chapter at timothylane414stories.blogspot.com. The title of the post is "21 : Graham."