Ascension

Ascension Chapter 10

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28

"What were his objections?" Trevor asked regarding the disagreeing businessman.

In explaining how the businesses on our street were organizing marketing strategies and events, I tried not to mention any names.

"Well, he had sort of a ... country club clientele. Organizing events, particularly festival crowds didn't appeal to him. The rest of the street thought promotions were a great idea. The first small steps we took had been successful. The city of Von thought our concepts were good and were ready to publicize them. It all kind of came to a head in the spring. I had just turned 28. Wedding season was really picking up. I put a display in our front window at Visions. This man didn't like it."

"Because ...?"

"There were several images of couples at their weddings. Most were typical, but we include various races, one was interracial, and one ... was two men. It wasn't bigger than the others or anything, but just two men were included."

"I see."

Mr. Donahue came into my store the minute we opened. He asked to see me privately. I was taken aback a little, and I certainly didn't look forward to talking to him.

"How can I help you, Mr. Donahue?"

"I have a problem with your photos."

"Photos?"

"You can choose to live your life however you like, but when it interferes with my business, I feel you've gone too far."

"I don't follow. How have we interfered with your business?"

"Those photos in the window. You have two men getting married in one of them."

"Yes."

"Not everyone supports that. My business caters to selling high-dollar sports memorabilia. I can't have gentlemen coming down our street and being turned off by that ... kind of ..."

"Kind of what?" I pursued. I hadn't intended on taking any guff from him. I stood my ground.

He hesitated to answer.

"Anyway. I think it sets a bad tone for our neighborhood."

"Inclusivity sets a bad tone?"

"Don't be PC with me. That hurts my business just like if the shop next to you had blaring rap music seeping into your shop."

"Just so I understand, you've received complaints?"

"No. But I feel a lot of people are turned off by it. Eventually they tend to shop and dine elsewhere."

"No one else on Crestview Street has said anything."

"They're too afraid. It's just not the type of business we want here."

"I think the diversity of Crestview Street is what is driving its growth. Look at the people on our street. We engage everybody. It's making us a hot spot in town."

"I just seeing it turning into a ..." he used finger quotes, "'gay part of town.' That affects all of us."

"Mr. Donahue, it is one photo. And legal weddings are a big part of the business of this store. All those picture are of perfectly legal weddings. You understand that, right?"

"I understand what's been pushed down our throats. You and your kind. If you all want to keep to yourselves, so be it, but when you interfere with my business, then I have to object."

"I don't see how my store — five stores down from yours — really impacts yours. We're a beautiful, tasteful store. Frankly, Visions is an asset to Crestview Street."

I felt proud of myself for standing up for my store — and doing it professionally.

"I don't see it that way. I was here before you."

I had been calm, but at this point I was angry. Visions had been a fantastic partner on Crestview. Donahue had pissed me off. The nerve.

"I believe you've made your point. Hopefully, you are completely clear on mine as well. If you'll excuse me now, Mr. Donahue, I have some work details to attend to."

"This business owner tried to stir up objections to the display. He didn't get very far. He tried to get area churches to object. Whether they agreed with him or not, they all told him the marriages were perfectly legal, so there were no legal grounds to stand on. He was infuriated."

"Did anything become of it?"

"Not ... exactly. During Pride Month, Crestview Street issued some fliers encouraging parade goers to come to our street. Not that Von has a huge parade, but it was just large enough to bring in some out-of-towners. Von was beginning to get a little more tourism. This guy managed to stir up just enough protestors, both at the parade and then on our street."

"And they were protesting ...?"

"Gay people in general. Once they moved to our street, they made sure to stay on the sidewalk with their signs. I think they got pissed that no one would engage with them. Soon, they started yelling at patrons on the street, trying to stir things up. Police had been watching. There were actually a few arrests for disruption."

"Hm." I saw Trevor smile at that.

"You want to know the best thing about it? One of the protestors that got arrested was Mr. Do ... this gentleman's son. Our businesses found the irony in that to be delicious."

"I tend to agree."

"But truth be told, there is still something that hits you. While he wasn't victorious in promoting any of his prejudices, knowing someone hates you just for who you are can still hurt deep down a little."

"Understandable."

"I have no issues with people of faith that let scriptures guide their path. I have religious friends. I know they struggle with the issue too. I respect most people in this regard. But this jerk was just a bigot. It wasn't a faith-based issue. He was just an ass; he didn't like gay people because they were different."

Just thinking about him made me mad. Trevor probably noticed my silence. Those weeks were such aggravating ones for me. While I was fortunate that it never tempted me to drink, it did take me to a dark place.

"For a couple of weeks — I didn't even know I had done it — I withdrew from Lance. I wasn't mean, I didn't say anything, ... I was just ... not myself. I kind of pushed him away."

I had gone to bed early. Lance moved into the sheets an hour later. I gently turned my head for us to kiss goodnight.

"Babe? You okay?" he asked.

"Fine. Why?"

"Just wondering."

He held me. It was nice, but I didn't touch him back affectionately in any way. I felt his fingers sift through my chest hair. In that moment, I realized we hadn't had sex in more than two weeks. I wondered if it was my fault. Had Mr. Donahue caused some feelings surrounding my father to resurface? I felt Lance press his body next to mine. I could feel his penis on my hip. It's always large, so it's typically "there." But it wasn't hard. There was a distance between us. The more I thought on it, the more I knew it was my fault.

I grabbed his hand. My fingers danced over his. I folded my fingers around his and held it to my chest. I remembered when we used to listen to each other's heart beating. We hadn't done that in a long time. I hoped this would remind him of that. I hoped he could feel my heart.

"I eventually became aware of it. Lance and I had been great — I mean really great — for almost two years. And then ... it became ... flat. I let it go flat."

"Did Lance say anything?"

"I think he tried. I think he opened up the opportunity for us to talk. I just didn't."

"But it got better, I assume."

"Yes. I was called to the mayor's office. He and I had talked a few times before. We got to know each other casually at least. I liked him. But still, that type of call ... it's like being called into the principal's office, if you know what I mean."

"I do," Trevor smiled.

"The mayor told me that there had been some efforts to place restrictions on what I could and could not show in the windows. I was shocked. `It's just a wedding picture,' I insisted. I immediately got enraged. My survival instincts had kind of gone dormant since I moved on past the shelter days of my life. But this pissed me off. Thankfully, the mayor quickly put me at ease. He wanted me to be aware of it, but also wanted me to know that the city council adamantly shut those efforts down. Immediately. I wasn't aware, but the mayor has a gay nephew and wants Von to be a completely inclusive city."

"That had to make you feel better."

"Absolutely. Feeling like the city had my back was a real eye-opener. It rejuvenated me I suppose. I knew I needed to fix things with Lance."

Lance had loaded the dishwasher. He had made a fantastic dinner and had it waiting when I got home.

"Can we sit down and talk?" I said to him.

Lance's expression conveyed terror. Had I worded that oddly? Was my tone bad?

We sat on the couch, and he quickly held my hands. I told him of Mr. Donahue's issues with the store.

"Why have you not told me any of this?" he asked.

"I really don't know. I think maybe part of me felt I was being put down, and I didn't want you to know. I think I was internalizing some feelings that reminded me of my father. And ... I'm sorry. I think I kind of pulled away from you. I was so caught up in my blue mood that I didn't realize what I was doing to you. I'm so, so sorry."

"Oh baby, never bear any problems all by yourself. Let me be there for you. You're my hub."

"I know. I know."

Lance hugged me. We held each other for a minute before I could tell by Lance's body language that he was crying. I pulled back to see tears pouring from his face.

"Angel! What is it?"

"I'm okay."

"Clearly something has gotten to you."

"What's my biggest fear?"

"Um. I don't ..."

"What's my biggest fear?" he repeated.

"That ... that you would lose me? Is that what you were thinking?"

"I was so scared. You seemed to be pulling away from me. Not necessarily physically, but I could tell we weren't in sync. I knew things weren't right. I was so scared. I didn't want to bring it up. I was too afraid to. I was terrified you were thinking about leaving me."

"Leaving you!!!? Angel. You're my husband. I could never leave you."

He squeezed me tightly. "I love you, Jakob."

"Oh sweetheart. I love you too. Holy cow. I'm so sorry I ever let you doubt that. It was just me. It was never you."

We just held each other for a long quiet moment.

"You know I'm proud of you, right?" Lance said into my shoulder. "I'm always there, right behind you."

"No you aren't."

Lance pulled away and looked shocked at my comment.

"You aren't behind me. You are beside me. Sometimes I don't let you realize I know you are there. That makes me sad. You are my strength, angel. Don't ever forget that."

We kissed each other passionately.

"I don't know how he ever thinks I could stop loving him. He is my world. But I fixed it. We got better. I turned it around. I think we made love every night for a week." I chuckled.

"Did this storeowner ever come around?"

"Nope. Several months later he moved locations. I think we could chalk it up to the whole Crestview community giving him the cold shoulder. Not that he ever cared to be chummy with any of us. But it was a unified front. And the gay pride weekend was great business wise. I think he even saw an uptick. But ... whatever. He's gone."

"Did you feel like a city leader or anything at that point?"

"Heavens, no. I just was thinking about my store and our street. But it did make me aware of my community and my desire for Von to be a great city."

"And it led to bigger things, didn't it?" Trevor asked.

"I suppose that was a first step. In a way."

"Keep going."

"I heard from the Petriellos. They were coming back to visit Jackson Bend. Anson had given them my number. We had communicated via email, Christmas cards, that type of thing for the past year. We visited with Mike and Trent and stayed at their place for a night. The next day we met the Petriellos. Lance was impressed. They were so nice, but they confided in me. They felt enormous pain for leaving me behind as a teenager. In the town where they lived in Wisconsin, it inspired them to start a youth program. One of its goals was to help kids who would have been in my situation."

"Gay ...?"

"No. For anyone kicked out by their parents. Or abused by parents. Bullied. Just ... a refuge for teens going through hard times."

"I see. That makes sense. And very commendable as well."

"Right. Through my contact with the mayor, I started inquiring. After some looking into it, Von was sorely needing such a program. So in the months ahead, I volunteered to be on a board to help structure such a program."

"That's awesome."

"But I wanted to do more."

I looked at the financials at the end of August. We had really enjoyed a fantastic summer. Visions in Von was matching the store in Jackson Bend, which was a bigger city. Marshall was thrilled. And even with my small percentage in ownership, the amount of money I was making was astronomical to those days of working at the QT. I loved my staff too. We hadn't been open quite a year yet, but I'd taken on two more staff members and had only lost one to when she left for college. Visions was a success. I loved how I also worked with the art galleries and other stores on Crestview Street. It was good synergy.

Then I noticed Felix in the stockroom. He was still. Noticeably quiet. When I heard a sniff, I assumed he was crying.

"Hey, Felix, are you okay?" I softly asked.

"Oh! Jakob." He sniffed again. "Yeah. I'm fine."

I walked up and looked at him in the face. His eyes were red.

"Something doesn't look fine. Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head.

"Hey, I care about you. Not just as one of my workers, but as a person. I want you to be okay. What can I do?"

"It's embarrassing."

Felix had two years of college but was taking a year off. I didn't think he was 21 yet, but soon would be.

"I'm willing to listen."

"You're too old," he sniffed.

"Oh right. I forgot I turned 65 last week."

Felix rolled his eyes. "That's not what I meant."

I leaned back on the shelf, standing next to him. "Try me."

I wasn't as tall as Lance, but I was an inch taller than Felix. I put an arm around him. "Talk to me, kiddo."

"I'm not a kid. I turn 21 in three months. And ..."

"And ..?"

He stood silent. I rubbed his shoulder.

"I can't say it."

"You're not in any trouble, are you?"

"No. No. Just embarrassed."

"How can I help?"

"If you helped, one of us would be fired."

"What?!"

"I've never had sex, Jakob. I'm a virgin."

I immediately removed my arm.

"Oh."

"I'm the only virgin on staff."

"How do you ... the others haven't said anything to you, have they?"

"Oh no. Our team here is great. I like them. But ... we talk when we work ... at lunch. I listen to them, and I know they are staying with their boyfriends or girlfriends or live together, etc. And I ... just never seem to get it to work out for me. One of them made a joke today. It wasn't directed at me, but the words still cut the same. It just got to me today."

I did suddenly feel old. I wasn't even 30 but I hadn't worried about stuff like this for years. I was certainly no counselor, but I tried to say some encouraging things. Knowing he would soon turn 21, I remembered when I quickly learned to equate depression with taking a drink ... then another. Young people could be cruel, even if they didn't intend to be.

Only a few of our staff were gay; Felix was not one of them. It was harder for me to relate to him, but at the same point, most people share similar feelings one way or another. Felix wasn't the most handsome staff member but was perfectly fine. I remembered feeling like no one would want me. Not after Anson. Not until Lance came along. I still didn't feel like I was anything special, but there seemed to be someone for everybody.

I never felt like I was good at pep talks, but I think Felix felt better for having been listened to. Most of all I wanted him to know I cared and that he wasn't alone. He told me I was a great boss before he left. Wow. It was funny how those words were so powerful to me. Just like Trent's Friendsgiving was to emphasize the importance of friendship, I felt inspired to make sure my employees knew I valued them. It made me think that many young people didn't feel valued. I wanted to do something about that. People needed to do something about that. Von needed to.

"The more I got involved the better I felt. It was a slow process, but it gained traction. I actually enlisted the help of ... he was more of a friend of Trent's, but he was a counselor. We got married in the lake house owned by him and his wife. His name was Dr. Owens."

"What did he do?"

"A lot. He believed in the program. He helped those of us on the board set a mission statement, goals, protocols, simple counseling techniques. It was good. I think he enjoyed it. He found it rewarding. I enjoyed getting to know him better."

"Do you still see him?"

"No. Sadly, he ... he passed away in the fall that year. It was November. He died just before Thanksgiving Day, and I thought it was so cruel for his wife. The timing, you know?"

"That is sad. What happened?"

"A heart attack. He didn't seem to be in poor health or anything. It was just sudden. He couldn't be revived. It was a shock to everyone."

"It just seems unbelievable that this could happen," Trent said.

The four of us had stepped outside the church. It was cold. The breeze was strong enough to make the wind chill rather biting.

"You know, he was about the same age as my father," Mike said. "I've never thought of my parents being of the age to where they could pass."

"I suppose you never know," Lance said blankly.

"It's interesting that all four of us have both our parents," I observed. "It's even more unusual that they are all still together. I remember so many friends in school that had to endure the breakup of their parents. Divorce is hard on kids. It's kind of amazing none of us had to deal with that."

"That's true, I suppose," Trent said.

I momentarily thought about Cooper from AA. His divorce was caused by his acceptance that he was gay.

"I'm not sure how I will handle it when that day comes," Mike said.

"I ... I can't even think about it," Lance said.

We stepped back inside into the church parlor.

Mrs. Owens had people around her, but the crowd was thinning. We had yet to be able to say anything to her.

I felt Lance grab my hand. His fingers locked into mine. He used his other hand to wipe a tear away from each eye. He knew Dr. Owens the least of all of us probably. Something told me it was him thinking about the day when his father might pass. Lance worshiped his dad.

What would I feel? I would miss Mom. I was sure I would cry. Would I feel anything when Dad died? It would be sad, I guessed. But I didn't know if it would affect me. I didn't think anything about my life would change. That in itself was sad.

Trent and his father had patched things up. I wondered how he would feel. Both his parents were at the funeral. I noticed Trent had given a gentle hug to both his father and mother. It was nice to see. I wasn't sure if I would ever get to that point with my family. But clearly, the last few years were a giant leap from those horrible years I was cut off. Now I can't picture even being apart from Teresa and Keaton. I wasn't as sad as I was years ago, but at the same time, I felt a little bitter that Keaton never looked for me. Or Mom. Was the religious rhetoric so pervasive that I meant nothing to them? It was strange that this funeral was bringing out dark thoughts in me that I hadn't felt before.

We stepped forward to express our condolences to Mrs. Owens. She lit up a little when she saw the four of us.

"Your husband was a wonderful man," I said to her. "He has been a blessing to the youth program we are working on."

"Thank you. He was enjoying it. He felt like he was contributing," she said.

"We will miss him," Trent said. "The four of us have a stronger friendship thanks to him. And you."

"Thank you. All of you. Thank you for being here."

We hugged her. Lance excused himself to the bathroom, his eyes still watery.

It made me return to my thoughts again. They were dark. I felt moved by Robert's passing, but when I thought about my own father, I felt nothing. Would I even feel anything if he died? What kind of horrible son was that? Of course, he did kick me out. Anger and sadness started jousting through my head. I just felt worse. How could I feel nothing on the inside at the thought of losing my father? I was a horrible human being. Or was I? I was sure my face had been twisted in confusion and sadness and anger as I worked through my emotions. What would someone had thought had they been looking at me? It was getting to me. This conflict wouldn't let me go. I hated myself. I hated my father. I hated that if he died, I would have to be put through this torture of trying to feel ... anything. I spiraled. I felt myself falling apart on this inside. I wanted it all to go away. I needed to push it out of my mind. I needed a ...

I froze.

I wanted a drink. I started gasping for breath. I couldn't say anything to Mike. He loved me so much, he would go get me one if I asked.

"Mike, tell Lance I had to take a quick walk with Trent," I said, yanking Trent's arm.

"Uh ..." Trent was confused.

Outside again, I shared my conflict with Trent. Having had issues with his father about being gay, he could relate.

"Trent, for the first time in almost two years, I ... I ... wanted a drink."

Trent's eyes drew wide. I had caught him off guard.

"Uh ... uh ... what should I do? You've been so strong, Jakob. How can I help?"

"Let's just walk. I ... I don't want Lance to know."

We walked a couple of blocks. Trent had his arm around me. Fuck! How could I snap back to that? What was the trigger that made that a reflex response?

"Trent, am I a bad person if I don't feel anything if my father dies?"

"No. You are entitled to your feelings. But also know things can change. I was right there with those feelings two years ago. Things my father did ... I didn't think I could ever forgive him. And yet ... we are ... good. Better than okay, we're kind of good. Maybe you will feel a change in the future. Your family continues to get better. But ... if it doesn't, no one can fault you for feeling some resentment. You dealt with a lot. For a long time! Robert's death just brought up some feelings you had buried."

Robert. I thought about him again. I would miss him so much. That put me right again. Those feelings were real.

I sent Trent back to tell the others I would be a few minutes behind him. I called Ophelia. I figured talking to someone from AA would help. It did. I promised her I would go to a meeting that night.

As I walked back to the church, I thought of all the wonderful qualities of Dr. Owens.

My eyes watered remembering Robert. He was so helpful in our efforts in Von.

"I remember talking to his wife," I said, as I regained my composure. "It was at the end of the funeral. She remembered me because of our wedding in the lake house. I had given her some tips on the decorating, and she loved the simple things I had done for our wedding. They were a nice couple. Not only was our wedding there, but I shared some special memories in that lake house with Mike and Trent and Lance. It became our New Year's Eve tradition to stay there."

After one last groan, Mike flopped down on the sheets. He was the final one to climax.

The four us lay on the bed. We had caught our breath. Lance had been the center of attention. I had flooded his ass full of my cum, he had swallowed Trent's cum and his own cum mingled with Mike's on his chest. He was a mess of sweat and testosterone. We all reclined there on top of the sheets, making no effort to clean up my husband.

Mike leaned over Lance and ran his tongue through their mixed liquid. Then he kissed my husband again, sharing the passion between the two of them. With anyone else, I would have been outrageously jealous. But for three years, this had been our tradition. It was a curious four-way between friends, but it was loving. We set the boundaries, and we looked forward to it each year.

Trent kissed each of us. After each kiss, he said "I love you" to all three of us. I looked down at Lance. He smiled back at me. If we all didn't love each other, this "tradition" wouldn't have been any better than the multiple-partner hook-ups from my drinking days. It would have been meaningless. But it felt different. Respectful. Loving. Consenting. Affectionate. Passionate. I wasn't exactly sure how we made it work, but we did. Once a year. It started the New Year off.

It's curious how my outlook had changed. That first year, I was apprehensive. Group sex was harsh in my past. I wasn't an advocate. But Lance was owed a whimsical obligation from Mike and Trent for keeping with his sobriety. They made good on it. I could watch. But then I did more than watch. It was all hot. Now, three years into this tradition, I embraced it. But only how we had chosen to do it.

Thinking back to Gunner and my old roommate situation brought home the extent of so many changes in my life. Financially, I was now fine. I found true love with Lance. My entire perception of sex had been completely overhauled. Two years ago, just the mere thought of being this happy would have been an impossibility. Owning a bed just seemed insurmountable.

I turned my body around and placed my head on Lance's hip. Mike and Trent were on each side of us, but all of us were skin to skin. There was a bond between us. Unmistakable. We had become comfortable with each other. I had grown in that regard. I reached up to hold Lance's cock. Mike and Trent had been kissing. I loved watching them. As they kissed, Trent started stroking his dick again. It had returned to full mast. It was beautiful too.

"At some point, I'm going to want to move," my husband said.

We chuckled, and I got up to get a towel. When I returned, I was surprised to see Trent straddled over Lance's shoulders. He was pounding his erection.

"Are you trying to come again?" I asked him.

"Yeah. I want my cum in Mike's and Lance's. I want to mix it. Care to join me?"

"I doubt if I could."

"The two of us came first. Join me, Jakob."

I faced Trent.

"Do it, hub. Come on me, babe," Lance encouraged.

"You all are freaks," I said. I looked at all three of them. "Okay."

Trent and I faced each other, poised over Lance. I couldn't believe I was trying this. I don't come twice in one night. We jerked our cocks like pistons. We started breathing heavily again. As our moaning began in earnest, our heavy, ragged breaths moved our faces closer together. My free hand pulled Trent to me. He did the same and we kissed. We moaned into each other as our erections throbbed. I didn't think I would come, but I continued to try.

Mike moved beside us and began rubbing our backs. I liked that. I took my mouth off Trent's and breathed into his ear. Trent groaned. I looked down to see Lance licking his crevice. Lance lifted his face to prod his tongue in as far into Trent's beautiful ass as it could go. Mike kissed the back of my neck. We were all so connected. And sweaty. Mike, Trent and I managed to make our mouths and tongues meet. The feel of Mike's beard against my cheek was so ultra-masculine. We kissed and slobbered as Trent and I still stroked our cocks with fierceness. It was a lot of stimulation. I eventually thought I might actually be able to come a second time. The throbbing in my dick was building to a very pleasurable level.

Mike's dick was hard again, and Lance fumbled his hands until he found it.

We were in a sexual huddle.

I heard Trent call out, "Yeah! Oh, yeah!!"

He didn't come much, but his liquid mingled with the rest.

I yanked harder. I had to do it now. It was all but required that I came again. I looked down at Lance. Trent kissed me on the forehead encouraging me on. "Do it, Jakob," he whispered. I looked at his cock starting to soften. It was still a glorious piece of manhood. His bush, his balls. Trent was hot. Mike kissed me on the cheek. Lance grabbed my ass. They were all around me. I could feel there breath as I panted loudly.

Thirty seconds later, I growled and gave one nice squirt of cum.

We all inhaled and exhaled loudly. We all smiled looking at each other as we tried to regain regular breathing. This bukkake of passion glistened on my husband's chest. Lance looked at his torso. The four-way contribution was everywhere.

"Throw in some carrots, and it's man soup," he said.

One at a time, the three of us slid our dicks through the mess. Then we cleaned up as best as we could. After a washcloth in the bathroom finished the job, we all lay on the bed again, tangled and touching. Feeling my skin against multiple men was bonding. We were like a litter of newborn puppies. One lone candle illuminated the room.

"Promise we can do this every year," Mike said.

I saw no reason to tell Trevor of our "tradition." It was just between the four of us.

"But following Robert's death ... we'll just have to go on the memories. The house was sold. He was a very kind man. He helped Trent through a tough time in college and has been a great friend to all of us since then. I will always be grateful to his input in Von."

I reflected on Robert again.

"He even helped Lance and me on a personal note. Lance and I don't fight. But we did have one. With both of us making more money, you'd think that would be a good thing. But — and it was probably more my fault — having extra money actually caused issues."

"Would you be surprised to hear that money is one of the primary stresses in a marriage?" Trevor noted.

"I guess. But ... it wasn't the lack of money. We argued how to spend it. Or save it. Or spend and save it. Robert helped us to listen and compromise. We're so better off because of him."

How ironic that for years and years I could never afford a bed, and now Lance and I were saving more than we ever had.

"I have tried to check in with his wife every month or two just to see how she's doing. I still can't believe that was two years ago."

"I'm sure she appreciates that."

"I hope. I made a point to invite her to the play. Trent was inspired by my early years to make it into his second play. I try to see her at least a few times a year. I was glad she was able to join us for it."

I remembered the play and what came after it.

* * * *

A blog post on this chapter can be found at timothylane414stories.blogspot.com Look for "28."

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