...Even Somesh could not understand this strange behaviour-for in his maturity he had never even thought that love can at times make you possessive too. He returned to his room and found the slip of Ashok lying on the floor. Though he had little inclination to tax his emotions, he still opened it and read the message. "Somu, I am sorry for what happened at the dining hall-I think we need to talk. Please do not judge me without first hearing my side of the story. I can't justify my behaviour but even a murder accused has the right to defence." Well, you just cannot ignore this guy. Somesh left for Ashok's room right then even without checking if Ashok was at his suit. Luckily he was. A visibly serious and somewhat perturbed Ashok greeted him as he entered the room, closing the doors behind himself. "Why close the doors, maybe someone would wish to join us in our conversation?" Ashok said. "Why? Is anyone supposed to be coming?" "Well Bhaskar may want to chat with you." Somesh felt the sarcasm. "Well I thought you did not want to discuss anything personal and hence I did not stop Bhaskar..." "Somu, you very well know what I wanted to discuss and please do not pretend that you could not understand that the conversation needed us to be alone," Ashok said with his usual calm even in anger. He was so much in control of his emotions when outside of bed. Somesh tried to reason out or put Ashok against the wall but he also realised that Ashok was absolutely right. He perhaps wanted to make Ashok suffer. "OK, now what did you want to discuss," he tried to sound business like. "Somu, I wont force you to discuss or listen or even speak. Please do as you wish. But maybe things are not exactly as you perceive them to be." "Then how are they?" Ashok once again looked at Somesh's face, hurt written wide in his eyes. "Take it whatever way you like but I think I am going ahead and explain my point of view whether you believe in it or not. Somu, I was waiting for you even much before the lunch started and made sure we had a table in the corner. But I do not know what took you so long to reach there. Meanwhile that guy and his wife came there and due to his wife he chose to sit far from the rest of the all male crowd. I myself rose to go to another table but they did not allow me to and they started talking to me." "But still that does not explain why I was to be seen as such an outsider that my presence itself was making you look so aloof. Seems the man who could be your so-called lover in the room does not have the standards of even joining your friends in public." Ashok once again controlled his anger. "Can I go ahead now?" "Well, go on," Somesh said cynically. "When you entered, I do not know why I found your whole self radiating with a certain element of joy and you looked so admirable...Lost in the surroundings but obviously in search of me. I was so, so Somu, I do not even have the word to describe how I felt! I just wanted to be close to you, alone and discussing what things matter to us while we had our lunch. You made me lose my emotional balance right then." "Hmm, sort of incredulous but it is always good to hear someone praise you." "Let me please complete!" "OK" "Somu, I do not know how you feel about yourself and why you always tend to underestimate yourself in looks. But there is something in you, well I am no poet or even a literary guy and so cant really explain-it is a sense of amicability and a sense of trust. It may not ooze of sex but it does invoke a lot of love and faith. And this afternoon I do not know why you were looking so lovable. I cursed the fact that I could not leave the table right then. And I lost my sense of direction." "Ah-a guy as emotionally balanced and calm as you losing to emotions!" "Somu, I am also human and not some god. I myself do not know why I was so confused and at such a loss of emotions which you must have taken as my cold shouldering you. Maybe it is love that makes one insane. Maybe the film songs are just too right. This is my side of the story. I leave it to you to judge if I am being honest or not." Even in his defence the man looked so dignified. Even the greatest cynic would not distrust him. Somesh also realised his own emotional games that he played maybe unconsciously, like further alienating Ashok, not even looking for a solution to the problem and most of all pre-judging the man he regarded his dream guy. "But we could have discussed it at the dinner time, you just left the hall in such haste." "Somu, don't act naive. You know quite well that with Bhaskar around with all his stupid gossip, I never could explain my inner feelings. And whether you like it or not that guy drives me insane." "Come on, he is as balanced and well meaning as you are and not to forget his sense of humour." "I know his qualities and please do not explain them to me. Your ploy to make me jealous has worked quite well." It was then that Somesh realised the real cause behind Ashok's anger. "Ashok, why did you have such idiotic ideas? Does the guy have even one per cent of homo friendly attitude in him? And why should I want to make you jealous? I welcomed him because he generally has been very friendly towards me." "And I do not want that friendliness to take you away from me." Somesh smiled at this adult of adults with the heart of a kid. "Well as long as you kiss the way you did last night, I do not think anyone can take me away from you," he said with a wink. At last Ashok also smiled. "Ashok, I have been a real jerk," he said coming close to his face. "Hopefully I can call you my fool," Ashok added with a feeble smile. Somesh's face was now radiating with smile and he could not resist reaching out to Ashok's face and kissing him while locking him in a deep embrace. "Somu, can we just be together for tonight and talk? I mean I have no problems with sex if you want but I just want to be in conversation with you while I feel you-without clothes." Somesh understood Ashok's point of view and nodded in agreement. As Ashok rose to switch off the light, Somesh opened the window pane to let the breeze in. The room that felt so heated while they talked now felt calm and cool with the moonlight filling it at many spots. And silhouetted in the moonlit room Ashok once again looked like the prince of darkness. Somesh once again locked him in embrace and kissed him. Ashok reciprocated with even more urgency. And as they indulged in slow caressing, the kisses grew more frequent and the clothes more frugal on the body. By the time they were on the bed, Somesh was lovingly fondling Ashok's locks while he lay in his lap devoid of any piece of clothing like his lover. There was a deep connection, more spiritual than carnal. Maybe it is this state of mind that is sold now a days as Tantric sex. "Somu, how many partners have you had before me?" "No kiss and tell, or you will once again feel jealous," Somesh replied teasingly. "I did not mean it that way. It is just that you know so well how to please a guy. Only a well experienced fellow can be so well versed in love..." "No Ashok, there is more to it. Love is not just learnt. It comes naturally when you are with the person who is the most suited one for you. You were always like the dream guy I never could have. So being in love with you was in itself a dream come true for me. Lovers are always more compatible in bed when they are made for each other. Take your case-you had no man to man experience before this one but you were so good at it," Somesh said while kissing his forehead. "I have kind of been in search of some ideal love from childhood. But the priorities of career never let me consider such issues seriously till now. And then you came in my life suddenly. Even as a friend you were so trustworthy. And that made me love you even more." Ashok went on with his monologue, detailing his life, his feelings and his fears. And suddenly Somesh realised that Ashok was asleep. Reclining on the bed, he drew Ashok's head on his extended arm and continuing with the fondling with his hair, Somesh also was asleep in a few minutes more satisfied than ever in love. Sometimes the best lovemaking is without any apparent sex involved.
To be continued...