...It was during his post graduation in management from one of the leading institutes that they met. Having joined the course after completing his CA, he was relatively older than the other MBA students. So he preferred to be confined more to himself, a state he always loved to be in as a shy, unassuming man. And the fact that he was not interested in females made him all the more cautious, with strange fears like somehow being found out or perhaps being caught eying the good looking guys, of which there was no dearth at the institute. Every night he had his jerk off sessions with the dreams of his favourite pieces of beefcake at the institute. Sometimes he wished that the Kinsey samples would literally come true and at least four per cent guys around him would turn gay! Whoa-could have translated into a figure of more than ten guys! But life is not about having all wishes come true. MBA from the institute was the surest way to material success and it need not be accompanied by success in sex life. It was in this situation of loneliness that he found a great friend in one of the doctoral students, who unlike most of his ilk was unmarried. Yeah, Ashok was as much a fish out of water in his hostel full of students with families as he was in his due to age factor. They met at one of the faculty member"s room where he was invited to explain to Ashok some finer issues about the investment in equity. The two had instant chemistry and with passing time the two could often be seen hanging out together. An officer from an oil PSU, Ashok was on a study leave to work on his PhD. At 29, he was older than him by three years. With an engineering background, much of the management and financial stuff was new to Ashok and with finance constituting a major part of the coursework, they often had study sessions together. It was a bonding that most "yarana" stories could be made of-where they shared in the studies but also in each others" projects, dreams and concerns of personal life. But one concern or rather secret that he never dared to share with Ashok was his sexuality. He was sure that the day he told Ashok about his preference would be the last day of their friendship. Ashok himself was a really attractive man for him. Slim, a little dusky complexion (just the way he loves-coffee in chocolate as he calls it) and so much of inner radiance that shone in the self confidence. Ashok was not ashamed of being himself-unlike him who was always busy finding faults with himself. If there was a gay man who was like Ashok and had liked him by any chance, he would have felt like settling in a relationship for life. But of course, he knew better. Dreams are not always translated into reality when they involve someone else"s emotions too. So he did the next best thing-to be friends with this nice guy without making any effort to rock the boat with the waves of attraction-he was proud enough to have his head well placed between the shoulders. Life was beautiful and the pressures of course work did not leave them with much to ponder on issues beyond academics for much of the time. Until it was a mid-semester break coinciding with a major festival. Ashok had a lot to catch up due to the plethora of seminars lined up. And he preferred to stay back for he wanted to use this opportunity to probe the gay side of the metro in which the institute was located. But the times were different and it was not as easy as it is today. Cruising was something he was not too sure of and hence he relied more on the internet as it existed then. But net in 1998 was too limited an option for seeking partners. The major dating sites had yet to take shape. There were clubs and egroups but the usage was limited due to low penetration of the technology. And though chat was coming to fore, but not in its present flow to cater to every city and to every category of sexual preference. In the end most of the time he would be left to search sex sites, view pictures and have self gratification thinking of the titillating images. It was so frustrating that he was caught in his own world of sexual fantasies, not even bothering to check Ashok"s well being. Until one day he saw Ashok coming out of the health centre, with illness made all the more conspicuous by unkempt hair and drooping shoulders. He rushed to Ashok asking for what was wrong. It was viral fever. But the fever seemed quite high. A sudden surge of guilt overcame him and he could not help his tears. He just gave up his extra aloofness and fondled with Ashok"s hair as the latter settled in bed. "Do you find me such a fair-weather that you did not feel like informing me of your illness?" Ashok wanted to laugh it off in his characteristic humour, but he could see through the genuineness of the tears. "I am fine Somesh (unlike the rest of the institute Ashok never shortened his name to "Somu"), just a bit stressed out due to the seminar pressure and then it is only the second day of the fever. Don"t worry, I..." "TO HELL WITH DON"T WORRY!" he yelled at Ashok, "I will make sure that you are not alone till the fever subsides!" "Somesh, I don"t need a Mom nurturing me even at the hostel, I can take care of myself!" But he just was not ready to listen. He stayed back.