The locker room empty just the way I liked it. I was sitting on a bench . I waited til everyone else was out. I don't like being around them I don't like what their bodies do to me. Being gay and where I live don't quite match as do a lot of things. So I wait, I wait til they're all gone. Then I change, I'm always late for my next class but the teacher doesn't seem to care all that much. There Is one bad thing that happens when I wait though.
I hear him coming. I see the door being slowly pushed open and I see his godlike body enter the boys locker room. He doesn't notice me right away, so I take the time to admire his body. I see his tall frame standing there slowly making his way towards me maybe he doesn't see me or maybe he doesn't care that I' m checking him out. He gets closer and I make out his light brown eyes and hi dark brown hair. Then he turns towards me stares a while and says
"Hey Faggot" but its not what I hear. I hear `hey babe was sup'. I'm use to the way he works, the way he says one thing and means something completely different. Whenever he says something to me he looks me dead straight in the eyes and I can see what he really means I always do.
"Oh look its my best friend, fucking breeder" I shoot back. But he knows what I'm saying `I'm happy to see you, I missed you. My brown eyes tell all I'm not any better at hiding what I'm feeling but then again I don't try I as hard as he does to cover what I'm feeling.
I can feel his brown eyes on me. I myself am about 5'3 well that's what the doctor said, although my body isn't as godlike as his I think it looks great on me, and I think he does too by the way he's looking at me. I look back at him and we just look at each other for a while in complete silence taking in each others image. But this gets to real for him and he breaks our little moment.
" Get ya gay ass outta here." he paused " I don't like fags in here while I' m changing" But I know what he really meant `baby I'm sorry, I--I just cant handle this right now'
I know its too much for him he has to much in his head. The system, the screwed up fucking system burned in his head that gay is weak and being weak were he lives isn't acceptable. He had to fight being the `light skinned boy' he was already seen as unworthy. that's why he joined the football team and hangs out with that jackass Johnny. I guess it was a good decision cause he's now the starting quarterback and nobody gives him shit football is to valuable to our school and considering he' s is one of the best players you cant mess with that. If your wondering how I know all this stuff his sister is my best friend.
I snap out of my daze and start to dress. I put on all my clothes that makes labels me the punk' or Oreo' depending on who you hate. I put on my levis with my black wife beater my chucks my spiked belt and all my bracelets on my left arm to cover...just to cover.
I close my locker and head to the door I reach for my chain but it's not there, then I remember I left in my locker, I quickly run back and get it. I slow down remembering he came the same way, through the same door. A stray tear fell. He left me again...why do I love him.
"I hate him" I say to myself wiping away the tears that slipped.
I walked out of the locker room and realized I smelt like it. I placed my bag on the ground and started looking for it but I couldn't find it. `if I were Vincent deodorant where would I be, hmmm I would be HERE'.
"Found it I said to particular." I popped off the top and held it close to my nose and inhaled deeply. I sighed, I love the smell of ask specially Apollo because its his favorite too. I pulled it away from my nose and with one hand I pulled up my shirt and with the other I started to spray the Axe. After I was satisfied that I smelled ok I bent down and it back in my backpack
Down the hall I can see Eric make his way his way. Eric is the only guy that I 'm close too and hes hot as shit, I think I've had a crush on him since freshman year but its not as serious as what I feel for Derrick I don't think any is or ever will be. Plus its hard for me to talk to guys its weird I'm gay but I get all shy little school girl' when a guy I don't know talks to me. But it was different with him we just clicked for some reason. Well maybe cause he's like a big brother even though he's only a few months older, maybe cause he's taller a lot taller but then again everyone is its like he protects me in a way I think if I . Eric has this really intimidating look I think he's about the same height as Derrick and he has this swimmer/ runner body, I've even had the chance to see him with his shirt off. But he's just nice to look at, he's still like a big brother to me plu he's not him. When Derricks around Eric gets this real pissed look on his face and finds some way to put his arm around my shoulder not in a sexual way to some it may look like to friends walking down the hall but not to Derrick. Well I you've probably guessed it but they really don't like each other much.
Now as far as I know the only people who know that I'm gay is Dinita and Marie and I didn't even tell them, they said it was kind of obvious seeing as in I don't have a girlfriend and I don't oogle their goodies but tell them to cover up, I guess I hang around those two too much..
"damn boy trying to kill a nigga" Eric said while coughing.
"My bad, just came from gym"
This is the firs chapter redone, I already other chapters finished, comments wanted. NEL114@AOL.COM