Hey, here's another chapter! Before we get back to the BSB... Thanks, as always, go to everyone who has made this story the apparent success it is. Including all who feedbacked me since the last chapter - Sue, Red, Ath, Neena, Will, Wen, Annika, Moriah, Gabrielle, NCFan, Ray, Dennis, Jrok, Jordan, Stephie, Marc, Jackie, Casey (my "Angel" partner in crime), Ann, Nicki, Elly, Rick, Jim, Aimee and BostonGirl. Thank you, love ya guys! And guess what - the "AP" trilogy won another award in the Fan Fic Awards 2000! I had the honor of tying with the wonderful Jai and Diana for Best Trauma to a Band Member! Justin and I thank all who voted for us, even though Justie is pouting about all he has to go through in my stories. Oh well, I thrive on angst, sorry sweetie! :)
DISCLAIMER: Do. Not. Own.
Author's Note: The interview contained within this chapter is not real, I wrote it myself. Yep, I'm so dern talented. :)
~CHOSEN ROAD~ Chapter Six
"Each of us has four faces - the one we show, the one that is seen, and the one we believe to be true." "And the one that is true." "To wear one face does not mean you deny the others."
- 'Kung Fu: The Legend Continues'
Jeff passed the sheets of paper around, one per Backstreet Boy. "Here are the present lyrics for 'Don't Want You Back'. As usual, your parts are marked."
The five singers were only half-listening as they studied the song, which they had previously only seen bits of.
"Heh heh," chuckled A.J. "Like I always said, Max Martin is da man! I really like this one."
"You would."
"What, D, you don't like it?"
"Nah, it's cool. It's just kinda dark. What's the message to the fans?"
Kevin shrugged. "'Go away or we'll sic A.J. on ya'?"
They all laughed as A.J. tried to look insulted. With his typical Cheshire-cat grin on, it just didn't work.
"Funny, Kev. Anyways, this song is pretty damn cool. I like the 'Everybody' reference. Woo hoo! 'Backstreet's Back' again! Question is, where were we?"
Jeff smiled patiently. "Any questions, boys?"
"Yeah." Nick raised his hand. "Speaking of 'Everybody', how come whenever there's a word involving sex I have to sing it?"
A.J. cracked up. "'Cause you're the Cute One, remember?"
Nick scowled at him. "Jeff?"
"Well...your voice is appropriate for the line. Is it a problem, Nick?"
The blond slumped a little in his chair. "Uh-uh."
Brian leaned in close to him. "You okay?" he whispered.
"Yeah."
Howie smiled. "He's just tired of being the Cute One, Rok."
A.J. peered over his sunglasses. "Cool! Finally! I'll take over!"
"Yeah right, Bone. With hair like that?"
"Least I have hair, D. Did you say something crude about your barber's wife or something? Anyways, shut up. You're supposed to be the Quiet One."
Nick spoke up. "You can be the Cute One, Bone. I'll be the Quiet One."
"Yes! But then Howie'll have to be the Crazy One. That ain't gonna work."
"Whatever." Nick slumped lower into his chair. "I'll be the Sleeping Backstreet Boy."
Frowning, Brian gently rested his hand on Nick's arm. A.J., meanwhile, seemed to be contemplating Nick's idea.
"Actually, Jeff, that could work. We can dope him up on sleepy pills and charge fans to touch him."
"A.J.!"
"I'm playin', Kev! I swear, you guys have no sense of humor anymore," A.J. protested.
Nick stood up and headed to the door. The other singers watched him concernedly.
"Where're you going, Frack?"
"To the bathroom," Nick hissed. "Is that okay, or do I have to take Kevin with me?"
Nick slammed the door behind him. All eyes glared accusingly at A.J.
"What?! What did I do?"
Brian answered, his voice low and angry. "He had a nightmare last night. The night before that he got pushed against a wall and felt up, and you just had to talk about touching!"
The color drained from A.J.'s face. "Oh, fuck...dammit, I am so stupid!"
"It's okay," said Kevin, standing up. "I'll go talk to him."
The oldest Backstreet Boy paused for a moment in the hallway before heading to the men's bathroom. As he'd thought, Nick was there, leaning forward over one of the sinks, staring into the drain to avoid his reflection.
"Kaos?"
Nick didn't look up. "I thought I was allowed to go to the bathroom by myself now."
Kevin tentatively put a hand on his little brother's shoulder. "Are you okay? A.J. didn't mean to upset ya, kiddo. He just doesn't think before he speaks."
"I know. I'm just bein' stupid." Nick looked up. "I'm all right."
"You're also not stupid. You're one of the brightest people I know. That doesn't mean you can't get upset."
Nick made no reply. He stared into the mirror, as if searching for some sort of answer. A fair young face with sea-blue eyes and gleaming blond hair looked back at him. Beautiful, people said - Nick was beautiful.
But he couldn't see what they did.
//Unclean. Unclean. No, it wasn't my fault...//
Kevin's voice broke through the teenager's thoughts. "Remember the last time you ran from a meeting like this? You were fourteen, and I found you in the bathroom crying. No kid that age could handle so much stress and pressure without the dam bursting every now and then."
"That wasn't why I was crying," murmured Nick. "Lou had just walked into the room, and he smiled at me. I couldn't help it...I had to get out of there."
Kevin's arm around him comforted Nick, strengthened him enough to keep speaking. "Because of that he made me pretend to be sick for the next day's rehearsal. So he could...you know. He said that my 'playing hard to get' turned him on even more." The blond laughed mirthlessly. "I never stopped saying 'no', but that time taught me not to run from him."
Nick smiled weakly at Kevin. "I'm okay now. Can we go back, Boo?"
Kevin drew his little brother into a gentle hug. "Are you sure you're ready?"
"Yeah." Nick left the bathroom, Kevin close behind him.
When they re-entered the meeting room, A.J. immediately stood up. "Nicky, I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking."
"Bone, it's okay. I know you didn't mean it."
Jeff, sensing a change in subject might be in order, spoke up. "How do you guys like 'Larger Than Life'?"
"I love it!" A.J. shouted.
Kevin snorted. "You only love it 'cause you get to yell like a maniac in the beginning."
"Well, yeah, there's that. But it's hella cool, man. It's sort of a thanks-for-everything-but-please-don't-chase-the-bus song."
"I think it's sweet," Nick offered. "The fans'll love it."
Brian, who had helped to write the song, smiled.
A.J. grinned insanely. "In my thank-you note for this album, I'm gonna give you all new nicknames. Like Howie the Bald, and Brian the Bent."
Jaws dropped, but Brian smiled and playfully punched his friend's arm. "Funny, Boner. Try it and I'll tell 'em all I'm dating you."
"Ha! You wanna get in these pants, it'll cost ya!"
Nick jumped in. "That's odd, A.J. Last night I heard your mom say the exact same thing."
"That's it! Find a new Cute One - he's dead!" A.J. lunged for the hysterically-laughing Nick but was caught by Kevin.
"You walked into that one, Bone. Hands off."
A.J. was about to reply when Jeff interrupted. "One more thing, boys, and I'll let you go."
They settled down immediately. "Yeah?"
Jeff looked at the youngest Backstreet Boy nervously. "Um...Nick, you look tired and this isn't all that important. How 'bout I let you and Brian go early?"
The blond's eyes flashed with anger. "I'm not thirteen anymore! You guys can't just send me out of the room whenever you think I can't deal with something. I'm not leaving."
Jeff sighed. "Okay, I'm sorry. You guys are aware of the uproar and anger toward TransContinental among your fans, as well as the rumors that there was more to the separation than we let on?"
Five heads nodded slowly.
"Well, we think it would be a good idea if one of you mentioned Mr. Pearlman in your thank-you note. It might quiet the rumors."
Nick turned his head, blinking away tears. Brian took his hand and squeezed it comfortingly.
After a moment Howie spoke up softly. "I'll do it."
They all looked at him, surprised by the offer.
"It would make sense coming from the group peacemaker," Howie explained. "And repayment for that little fist-to-jaw last time I saw him, much as he deserved it. It's cool, guys."
Kevin breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks, D. We appreciate it."
"Sure, it's no big."
The dark flash in Howie's eyes told the truth - that it was a big deal, the last thing he wanted to do. But, he reasoned, better he than one of the others. Nick glanced gratefully at Howie, who smiled back with real feeling.
"All right then. That's all for today, boys. I'll see you at the show, day after tomorrow." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ~"Hangin' With Backstreet", 'Teen Celebrity' magazine, November 1998 issue~ ~article by Samantha Diehl~
The Backstreet Boys are a world-wide teen phenomenon. They have riches, fame and millions of devoted fans, yet somehow have remained very sweet, down-to-earth guys. This reporter had the privilege of talking with the Magnificent Five themselves.
Throughout the interview the Boys demonstrated that though they're a tight group, they each are distinct individuals. A.J. McLean, 20, being the 'Crazy One' seemed full of energy and often looked as though he wanted to interrupt his groupmates. Oldest BSB Kevin Richardson, 26, was patient and interested, giving thought to each answer he gave. Howie Dorough, 25, known as the 'Quiet One', spoke little, often simply nodding or smiling at what his fellow Boys said. Brian Littrell, 23, was just as friendly as he's known to be among fans, and through the whole conversation had his arm around eighteen-year-old Baby Boy Nick Carter, who's known to be nervous during interviews. Aww!
"We're family," Brian explains. "This is definitely not just a few people who work together. We take care of eachother."
'Teen Celebrity' : "Before we get to the questions, is Nick okay?" Nick : "I'm fine. I'm gettin' over a cold and I didn't sleep much last night. But I'm cool." 'TC' : "Good. First, what can you tell us about your separation from TransContinental?" Kevin : "Not too much, I'm afraid. We had some differences we couldn't work out. We settled the dispute out of court, and part of the agreement is that we can't reveal the terms. Basically, a division of our record company Jive manages us now. It's easier, actually." 'TC' : "And it's not affecting your availability to the fans." Brian : "Not at all. Now that we're in control more of what we do, we can see our fans even more. We're doing concerts off and on right now, same deal with fan conferences and the like. We're giving ourselves time to breathe while getting ready to record the next album, which we're about to do." 'TC' : "Tell us about it!" A.J. : "Oh, it's gonna be awesome! It's still in a pretty early stage, but, like, Kev and B-Rok are writing some stuff and we have a lot more input in everything." Nick : "Before, we basically had to follow a lot of orders. Now we make the decisions." 'TC' : "Cool. Tell me, how has fame and the lives you all lead affected you? Has it changed any of you?" Brian : "We hope not!" A.J. : (jokingly) "Well, Brian. He's a total egomaniac." Kevin : "Seriously, being well-known and watched makes you careful. A lot of kids look up to us as role models, so we have to set a good example." Howie : "And because of what we do, we have very little privacy. But it's worth it. We love our jobs." 'TC' : "No offense, but Nick seems to be the most popular." A.J. : (laughs) "We're not offended. It's true!" 'TC' : "It doesn't cause any problems?" Brian : (deadpan) "Well, we have started intercepting and destroying his fan mail. No, really, in a lot of ways we're kinda luckier, the rest of us.
Because there's more focus on Nick, there's more pressure on him too." Kevin : "Like, because he gets tugged on the most by fans, when we go through a crowd he has to stay closer to security than the rest of us." A.J. : "He's the Cute One! I wanna be the Cute One!" Howie : "Ignore A.J. He's obsessed with the labels that the media uses for us." 'TC' : "Nick? You're awfully quiet. Does it embarass you, being the heavy favorite Backstreet Boy?" Nick : (uncomfortably) "Yeah, kinda. I mean, it's flattering, but I don't like it when it takes the focus off of us as a group. We got this far 'cause we work together well." 'TC' : "So you're not gonna go solo on us?" Nick : (laughs) "No. I don't know what I'd do without these guys." A.J. : "We raised him, you know! Well, Kevin did. But we helped!" Kevin : "By 'helped', he means 'got in Kevin's way'." (laughs) 'TC' : "And Kevin, you're the group-dad?" Kevin : "Yeah. Being the oldest, I've always tried to keep 'em all in line." Brian : "He tries. It doesn't always work." 'TC' : "Really? So who's the hardest to handle, Kev?" Kevin : "Hmm...A.J., I guess. Though if Brian and Nicky are working together to be mischievous, that's the worst." Brian and Nick both smile innocently. 'TC' : "What do you guys think about the constant comparison to 'Nsync?" Nick : "We don't know where people get this supposed rivalry from. We're friends with 'Nsync." Brian : "Yeah. And anyway, both our groups do have some stuff in common, but our music is pretty different in the way it sounds. We're both pop groups with five guys who can sing. That's the similarity." 'TC' : "While on the subject of 'Nsync, you of course know about what happened to Justin Timberlake last month. Brian and Nick, you two kept in contact with 'Nsync during the time Justin was missing. Does the idea that something like that could happen to you frighten you?" Howie : "Definitely." Brian : "It was heartbreaking to see the guys go through that. Yeah, it's always been a threat and a possibility to us, but we're well-guarded. And because of Justin's kidnapping, our label increased security measures around both us and 'Nsync." Nick : "We try not to think about that stuff too much." A.J. : "Yeah. We prefer to focus on fans who don't want to hurt us!" 'TC' : "And you have so many of them, myself included. Thank you for talking to us, guys." ------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Okay, now hand me the flour."
Keeping a straight face, Nick plucked a rose from the vase on the counter he sat on and tossed it to A.J.
"Nick!"
"What? The flour is about five inches away from you, Boner. Behind the sugar."
"Oh yeah." A.J. began to measure out the soft white powder into a mixing bowl. "Now, where did I put the baking soda..."
Nick groaned. "This is so weird. We're young, rich and famous. And what do we do for fun? We bake chocolate chip cookies."
"Chocolate is fun, Nicky. Besides, it's raining. Rain makes me wanna bake," A.J. explained.
Nick slid off the counter and sat down at the table, gazing at the heavy drops falling steadily beyond the window. "I hope Bri gets back soon.
I need to talk to him."
A.J. sighed with mock exasperation, looking like an odd, frustrated housewife in the flowered apron he refused to take off. "Brian, Brian, Brian!" he yelled. "It's always all about Brian! I'm sick of being left out of this Frick-and-Frack thing! I want in! I'll be Frock!"
The young blond's head was buried in his arms on top of the kitchen table, his body shaking as he laughed. "Bone, isn't a frock a dress?"
"Hmm, yeah. So I guess that's better suited to B-Rok."
Nick lifted his head and scowled at A.J. "That's not funny, A.J."
"I was just kidding, Nicky."
"Yeah, I know," the blond replied glumly. "I'm sorry, Bone."
"It's okay." A.J. began to stir the contents of one of the bowls with a wooden spoon. "So, why don't you talk to me 'bout whatever's got you so rattled? I thought you and Bri were cool now."
"We are. Well...sort of. Boen, how did you know Frick's gay? You weren't surprised when he told you guys."
The twenty-year-old wiped his hands on the apron and started dumping the flour mixture into the bigger bowl. "I dunno. I guess I could just kinda tell."
"By looking at him?"
"I suppose."
Nick rose and went to stand by his friend. "What do you see when you look at me?"
"I see my baby brother, chaos personified, Mr. Hyper-Man himself. And..." A.J. peered at Nick closely, as though seeing him for the first time. His eyes widened in mock surprise. "Wow, Nicky! You really are cute!"
"A.J.! I'm being serious here!"
"Okay. what do you mean, what do I see? I see you. I don't know what you mean."
Nick averted his eyes. "I mean...what you saw in Brian...do you...see it in me?"
A.J. was silent for a moment. Taking Nick's arm, he led the blond back to the table. "Sit down, Nicky. We gotta talk." A.J. took a deep breath. "Now, is there something you wanna tell me?"
Nick was nervously tapping his fingers on the table. A.J. placed his hand gently over them, and with renewed courage Nick looked up.
"Bone, I like Brian. I mean, like."
A.J.'s eyebrows rose dramatically. Yanking off his trademark sunglasses, he squeezed Nick's hand tighter and shook his head with surprise. "Wow. Um...are you sure?"
"I went over this with Kev already. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm not confused 'cause of what Lou did...well, I am, but not about this. About everything else maybe, but not this."
A.J. grinned. "Whoa! Kewl! Does Bri know yet? Damn, there's not a word to describe how happy he'll be!"
"I haven't told him yet. I think I'll do it after we get back -"
"Back? From where?"
"Frick and I are goin' to see Justin and J.C."
"Oh yeah! Give my love to the 'Nstink boys, 'kay?"
Nick smiled. "Sure thing."
"So, how come you haven't told Brian already? You wanna be with him, don't ya?" asked A.J.
"Well, yeah! But...I don't really know what it's like to be with a guy that way. I'm scared."
"Oh, Nicky." A.J. patted his shoulder comfortingly. "There's a big difference between being forced to do physical stuff and being intimate with someone you care about."
"That's what I keep telling myself. But what if every time he touches me, I flinch?"
"Maybe you will, at first. But soon you'll get used to it, and you know B-Rok won't pressure you to do anything you're not ready for. Startin' something new like this is always a little scary, Kaos, but I think if you give this a chance it'll make ya happy."
"I think I will. Thanks, Bone."
A.J. leaned out of his chair to hug the relieved blond. "Hey, no problem. Now I can be the Cute Straight One." ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian sat motionless in the passenger seat of his cousin's car, staring at the trees whizzing by outside as though they fascinated him. Kevin glanced at him a few times, concern creasing his serious face. Just as he had made up his mind to speak, Brian's cellular phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Bri, it's Jake."
"Oh...hey, man. I'm sorry 'bout the other night, I know that must've been awkward for you."
"Oh, it's all right! I wanted to ask how Nick is."
"Nick's okay. At least, he will be now."
Kevin's head turned at this. He wished he knew who his cousin was speaking to.
Brian continued. "He was shaken up pretty badly, but he's doing better."
Jake sounded relieved. "Good, I'm glad. I'd like to meet Nick sometime, under nicer circumstances."
"Sure. Just not at Lucid, okay?"
"That place sucks anyway, and not in the way I like. Well, I gotta go, so I'll call ya, hon, okay? Bye."
"Bye." Brian turned off his phone and spoke before Kevin could ask. "That was Jake. He wanted to see how Nick is."
"Oh," Kevin said simply.
Brian gestured to the back seat. "So that's what you dragged me off to pick up?"
"Yep."
"A keyboard? But why?"
"Nick's right. It's hard to find a keyboard sound on a piano. I can do way more with a keyboard...I don't know why I didn't think of that before."
Brian fingered his seatbelt. "So, you've been teaching Nick how to play the piano?"
Kevin's eyes stayed on the road ahead, but he smiled. "Uh-huh. He's doing good for a beginner."
"Kev, has he seemed...nervous lately, to you?"
"Um...not really, why?"
"I dunno. I think he has something he needs to tell me, but he doesn't seem to want to."
Kevin shrugged. "Well, if he does, he will, when he's ready. Until then, trying to get it out of him or driving yourself nuts wondering isn't gonna help."
"Yeah, you're right." Brian pulled his cell phone out again.
"Who ya callin'?"
Brian spoke as he dialed. "Jeff. He said to double-check with him about what time the sound-check starts tomorrow...hello, Jeff Lange, please.
It's Brian Littrell. Um, okay...that's all right, I'll call back."
"What?" Kevin asked.
The younger man was frowning with puzzlement. "That was Jenna, Jeff's secretary. She says he's extremely busy and can't be disturbed."
"Hmm. Strange."
"Yeah. Oh, well...how's Kristin?"
Kevin grinned. "So you've accepted that I am with Kristin and not after our group baby?"
His cousin groaned. "You're never gonna let that go, are you?"
The oldest Backstreet Boy chuckled wickedly. "Nope. Now that the initial shock has worn off I find it quite funny."
"Well, it's not. And when you refer to Nick as a baby I feel like a pedophile."
"Bri, it's not like he's still thirteen. If he was, and you were still twenty-three, you and me might need to have a serious talk. And possibly a few restraining orders."
Brian smiled in spite of himself. It wasn't often that Kevin was so joking and playful, and Brian liked it. "Yeah, that would go over well during shows - me and Nick having to stay on opposite sides of the stage at all times. And if we continued being hotel roommates, the room would have to be very big."
Kevin laughed, thinking to himself that if all went well the two best friends might even be sharing a bed soon. //Hmm...that's kinda creepy. It would be weird at first, my little cousin being with my baby brother. Not bad, but it'll take some getting used to. And if it's strange for me, how's it gonna be for Nick? Was I right to encourage him? Can he handle something like that yet?//
"KEVIN!"
The twenty-six-year-old jerked in surprise, and noticed Brian peering concernedly at him.
"You okay, cuz?"
"Yeah, sorry. Just kinda spaced for a sec. I didn't run any red lights or anything, did I?"
Brian rolled his eyes. "Miraculously, no. And my lips are sealed about the twenty-five kids on bikes you creamed while off in la-la land."
Kevin smiled; he loved Brian's dry, sometimes-morbid sense of humor.
"So, are ya gonna answer my question?"
"Huh?"
"Try to stay focused here, Kev. I asked you, again, how Kristin is," Brian reminded him.
"Oh! She's great. She just got accepted as a back-up dancer for Janet Jackson's next tour."
Brian's eyes widened. "Wow! That's incredible!"
Kevin was grinning proudly. "Yeah."
"So, you guys are in love?"
Kevin blushed a little, an unusual thing for him to do. "Yeah, we're in love."
"Gonna get married?"
"I'm thinking of asking her. But...I don't know."
"What? Why not?" Brian asked.
"It's just such a big responsibility. I mean, I wanna marry Kristin and I want kids, but I think we both want to focus on our careers right now.
But I'll keep thinking about it."
Brian nodded with approval. He liked Kristin a lot and loved the idea of her being part of the family. "Aunt Ann would be thrilled."
Kevin smiled. "Yeah, she keeps bugging me about when I'm gonna make her a grandma."
Brian giggled. "Glad I'm not under that kind of pressure."
Kevin frowned. "You could always adopt. Don't you want kids?"
"Yeah, sure. If I ever find someone I love enough to raise them with."
Brian looked away.
The older man decided to change the subject. "So, you and Nicky are going to see Justin and J.C. tomorrow?"
"Yeah. Me and J.C. never get a chance to see eachother anymore, and we both think it might be good for Justin and Nick to do some talking. Since they've been through sorta similar stuff, they could help eachother."
"I hope so. How is Justin, do you know?"
"Last time I talked to J.C., he said Just goes back and forth," said Brian. "Sometimes he seems fine, then suddenly he wakes up screaming or starts puking. But on the whole he's getting a lot better."
"I'm glad." Kevin maneuvered the car through the large iron gates and began to park it. They were home, but Brian suddenly stared at his shoes, seeming hesitant about going inside, where Nick was.
//Is it me? Could I be making him so nervous?//
"Cuz? Come on. And don't be so anxious. Whatever Nick has to say, he'll say. Just give him time."
Brian nodded, and began to walk slowly toward the house. Kevin smiled secretively as he went beside him.
"Who knows? Maybe it'll be good news."
~to be continued~ Questions and comments to DaraLynn_writings@hotmail.com