Legal Note From The Sarcasm Department
Do not read this story if:
You are not over 18 years old (or the legal age where you live). Reading this story will land you in jail (unless you're into that type of thing). You don't want to read about men touching other men in somewhat inappropriate places. You are prone to masturbatory spraining.
This story is completely fictional. It is not meant to represent or reproduce any person or situation. If this seems to mirror your life in any way, you're a lucky bastard.
Enjoy!
Reach Up For The Sunrise ========================
Morning found me slumped in a corner of the back office, eyes bleary with sleep but mind delighting in fond memories. For the first time in history, Sarah was actually perkier than I was.
"You look like someone shit in your cereal."
Well, at least a little perkier...
"That was, by far, the most disturbing mental image that I've had in recent memory. Congratulations, you evil bitch."
Either Sarah didn't hear or chose to ignore my mumbled sentence.
"Sooo... I'm guessing you either got rejected or had a REALLY good night last night. And since you haven't been crying, I'm going to go with the latter."
I couldn't keep myself from grinning, tired though I was.
"Oh, you have no idea how right you are. I'll make you a deal... you go make me some coffee, and I'll tell you all about it."
"Pssh, you would have told me about it anyway! But, since I'm feeling ever so nice this morning, what do you want?"
"Anything, but make sure there are some extra shots in it."
"You got it!"
I tried to make myself look busy by shuffling papers around on the desk, but I ended up with my chin in my hand staring blankly at the wall. Sarah brought my coffee in just as I chuckled to myself at an errant thought about the previous night. She held the cup under my nose and leaned against the edge of the desk.
"So I take it things went well last night?"
My nostrils were assaulted by a disturbing smell of coffee and what seemed to be every flavored syrup that we had in the building.
"Ughhh! What the hell is in this?"
"It's my guaranteed morning wake up blend, now with twice the calories and thirty times the caffeine."
"Dear god, woman! There's enough caffeine in here to take down an elephant!"
"Well, I know you can handle it. Enough dilly dallying! Tell me about last night!"
I sipped at the devil's brew that she had made and tried to think of a way to tell the story without getting into too many gory details. I started with a brief run down of our time at dinner and Terryn's offer to teach me how to use his Tivo. Mindful of who else was in the building, I kept things vague as I got into the more intimate portion of the evening.
"So there we are, watching TV... just as I start thinking 'hey, I could get used to this', we get into a fight over the remote. That fight led to some touching, which led to even more touching, and then BAM! That first kiss was so fucking amazing... I couldn't describe it if I tried."
Sarah grinned and gently punched me in the shoulder.
"Now that's what I like to hear! My sweet Erik is finally getting some action... it's about god damned time!"
"Nope... no 'action' for me just yet."
Sarah stared at me and I felt my face growing warm.
"We were on that couch for what had to have been an hour just kissing each other. Well, there was some light fondling involved, but mostly just kissing. OK, OK, there was also some partial nudity and a couple handfuls of an amazing ass, but it was a PG-13 night! It might have moved into R rated territory, but I had to leave so that I could at least get some sleep before my shift started."
"Dude, you passed on some pussy so that you could come to work? That's so fucking gay!"
Quicker on her toes than I was, Sarah prevented what could have been a nasty confrontation before it started. She put one hand on Tony's shoulder and led him out of the back room. As she left, she put her other hand behind her back and pantomimed a phone.
"Well, one of us got some pussy last night..."
Apparently the mere suggestion of some juicy lesbian action was captivating to Tony. My anger cut right through my exhaustion, and I grabbed my cigarettes and cell phone and walked out of the back door to the store. I lit a cigarette with one hand as the other mashed the buttons on my phone.
"Hey Keisha, it's Erik. Sorry to bother you so early in the morning, but we need to talk."
"It's not a bother at all... the kids got up early and have been running around like wild animals. What's going on?"
"Keisha, I hate to be this blunt... but either lose Tony, or you'll lose Sarah and I."
Part of me felt bad for dragging Sarah into this, but I didn't figure she'd be too mad about it. Keisha didn't even pause to digest what I had just said.
"What did he do now?"
"Besides being stoned at work all of the time? He made some derogatory comments earlier, and I'm tired of working around his fuckups. Either he goes, or we walk."
"Can you deal with him for another half hour? I can be down there as soon as I get the kids settled."
"Yeah... I guess. I can't promise that he won't be dead, but he'll still be here."
"I'm sorry, Erik. I didn't realize that things were that bad. I'll be there as soon as I can."
I hung up the phone and stubbed out my cigarette. No sooner than I had walked in the door, Tony started to make cat calls. My fists clenched as I forced a smile onto my face.
"Dude, I didn't know she was a dyke... that's fucking hot!"
A few customers entered just then, so I didn't have time to indulge in my urge to make up wild stories to tell him. All I wanted at that moment was for him to be as far away from me as possible.
"I need you to stock the cups and syrups. I'll handle the bar."
Mercifully, Tony stayed away as Sarah and I handled the small rush of customers. The last few waited patiently for their coffee as Keisha walked in. We traded nods, and she wandered around the store as if she were in for any other visit. I told Sarah to holler if things got too busy for her to handle alone and motioned for Keisha to come into the office. Never one for wasting time, she quickly closed the door behind us and sat down in the chair.
"You're not one to freak out, Erik. What happened?"
"It's like I said on the phone: he goes or we walk. I've asked you before to get rid of him and you've always said no. Today was the last straw."
I gave her a quick synopsis of Tony's most recent behavior as I paced around the small office. As soon as I repeated his final comment of the morning, she clasped her hands and sighed.
"First off, I'd like to apologize. When you complained about him when he started, you never mentioned the drugs or specific comments. I figured that it was just a territorial feud and that you'd get over it, and you stopped complaining so I thought that things had been settled. If you had told me the specifics earlier I would have found a way to deal with it, but I am sorry that things got this out of hand."
"It's OK... I shouldn't have tried to sweep it under the rug. I'll just be glad when I don't have to put up with his shit any more."
"Second, how would you like to be the one to fire him?"
My eyes narrowed at her comment.
"Don't fuck with me Keisha. You told me months ago that you were going to make me the manager of this store, and it never happened."
"This time corporate wants to move me over to the Roseville store, and you're the person that I would like to name as my replacement. Of course, you'd be the one making all of the personnel decisions if you decided to accept."
"Would I get to wear a crown and order people about from on high?"
"Only in that little kingdom in your head. Company policy demands that you at least try to blend in with us commoners. Now come on your highness, we've got a coronation ceremony to arrange."
With wicked thoughts of how best to fire Tony dancing in my head, I headed back into the store to finish out my shift. Sarah gave me a puzzled look when I walked in, but I didn't want to tell her anything while Tony was in the store. Luckily for us, years of friendship had fostered a complex language of unspoken communication, so Sarah knew to expect a full retelling as soon as our shift was over.
Keisha busied herself with some paperwork in the back room, and Sarah and I readied ourselves for the next batch of customers. The world was full of decaffeinated people, and we were their only hope.
Baby, Watch Me Dancing ======================
"Bad news, I'm afraid... the contents of my fridge aren't exactly lunch-worthy."
Erik made a sour face and quickly snapped his fingers.
"Luckily for you, I have the magic remedy at hand. What kind of pizza do you like?"
"Triple anchovies, sauerkraut, extra onions and pineapple."
I struggled to keep a straight face as I listed off the most bizarre ingredient combination that I could think of.
"What are you, a Ninja Turtle? And besides, extra onions means no making out for you today Mr. Terryn!"
"Oh, I'm not worried... I'll be done with my making out for the day as soon as the pizza guy leaves."
"Well then, we'd better get started!"
"Who said you were invited? I only plan on making out with the pizza boy."
Erik moved in close with a wicked grin on his face.
"How are you going to do that if I get to him first?"
"What makes you think you'll have a chance once he gets a taste of this?"
I wrapped my arms around Erik's neck and kissed him deeply. Somehow I ended up with my ass against the edge of the dinner table, and Erik was still moving forward. I laughed as I leaned back and wrapped my legs around his waist. After a short while, Erik pulled his face away and stared at me. His cheeks were flushed and he was breathing heavily, but his smile was nothing short of radiant.
"You know, if we keep this up we'll never get anything done."
"Doesn't sound like a half-bad idea to me..."
I tightened my legs around his waist and kissed him with a completely unexpected hunger. The kisses that we had shared the night before were sweet and tender, but this was a whole new breed of kiss. Erik's mouth was everywhere, tugging on my lower lip... kissing the hollow of my throat...
Blowing raspberries on my neck?
Try as I might, I couldn't help but laugh as he proceeded with the silliness. My fingers instinctively found the sides of his waist and tickled. Erik gasped and tried to wriggle away. Between my arms and legs, though, there was no chance of him getting away. As he straightened up, I was somewhat surprised to find myself lifted clear off of the table. Erik wasn't the biggest of guys, but he didn't even seem to strain to lift both of us.
My momentary surprise left me at a disadvantage. Erik capitalized on it and pinched my ass with one hand while tickling me with the other. I redoubled my efforts, and retook the high ground. Erik was a formidable foe, but he was only just starting to learn what happened when messing with a member of the Hunter clan.
With surgical precision, my fingers found the most ticklish spots on his body. He sank to the floor and gasped for breath, all while I was still tangled around him. After much effort, he finally managed to pin my arms to my sides to lessen the effectiveness of the tickling.
"Uncle!!"
I clapped my hands behind his head and cheered at my victory. Both of us were grinning like loons, and I shifted my weight to make things more comfortable for both of us. Erik pulled me in close and just hugged me for a long time.
"So... how about that pizza?"
I bit his neck lightly and pinched his arm.
"Well, I see that I managed to distract you for... oh... twenty-five minutes? Have I got the touch or what?"
"What can I say? I'm a growing boy and I need fuel!"
I felt his stomach rumble and ran my fingers over it. I slowly teased my fingers lower, until I was just above his belt and gave a dramatic sigh.
"I guess I have to eat something..."
Erik grabbed my wrist and brought my fingertip to his mouth.
"You'd better call the pizza place before I start nibbling on something else..."
I poked the tip of his nose and grinned.
"Food now, later... we'll see."
I stood up, and helped Erik up off of the floor. Once we had collected ourselves, we decided on a pepperoni pizza with some breadsticks and phoned in the order. Erik grabbed a beer for each of us out of the fridge.
"Wow, you weren't kidding! There is nothing in here but beer and some english muffins."
Erik opened the freezer and laughed.
"Well, I guess we could have had popsicles for lunch!"
He turned and looked at me quizzically.
"Are you really such a bachelor that you don't know what a grocery store is?"
I smacked his chest teasingly and grabbed my beer from his hand.
"Contrary to popular belief, I do know where one can purchase food that doesn't come with french fries. I just forgot to go to the store last week, and didn't have time this morning. I spend so much time at the office that I usually just grab something on the way home, and I hate wasting food so I try not to stockpile perishables."
"Nice to see that you keep the essentials on hand at all times."
Erik clinked our beer bottles together and grinned.
"Come on; let's go grab a smoke while we wait for the pizza to show."
I grabbed my wallet and cigarettes off of the table in the hall and proceeded outside. Just as we were finishing our beers, the pizza guy delivered the pizza and we brought it inside. Erik grabbed a slice and sat down across the table from me. He reached over the back of his chair and deftly removed two more beers from the fridge.
We polished off the entire pizza, and Erik leaned back in his chair and sighed contentedly. His eyes followed me around the room as I cleaned up the pizza mess, and he rested his elbows on the table and laid his head in his hands.
"Is it wrong that I think you're sexy when you're cleaning? Or doing just about anything, for that matter?"
"Do you want me to dig my French maid outfit out of the closet?"
"Only if you have the feather duster..."
"Damn, that's in the shop right now... it was in a terrible accident involving a hamster, the vacuum and a choir boy."
"Well then the whole outfit is ruined! I guess I'll just have to stick to you as you are now."
I turned away from him and hastily changed the subject.
"Do you have to work tomorrow?"
Erik was silent for a moment.
"I have the early shift again tomorrow... Alicia called in and asked me to switch shifts with her so that she could go to a concert tonight."
"Oh..."
Erik got up from the table and wrapped his arms around me.
"At some point I'll have to go home and take a shower, but other than that I'd like to spend as much time with you as you can stand."
I turned in his arms and smiled.
"I'll tell you what... it's 3 o'clock. Why don't you go home and take a shower now? I've got a few errands that I should run, and I'll go grocery shopping while you're gone. I promised you a home cooked meal today, so I'll make dinner for us and we can hang out and watch a movie or something."
"But what am I going to do without you around to ravish? I'll simply wither and die!"
Erik clapped the back of his hand to his forehead theatrically, and pretended to faint. I laughed at his antics and finished cleaning up the table.
"I'm sure you'll survive somehow, Erik. Besides, if I keep you here all day, everyone will think that I've kidnapped you."
"That doesn't sound so bad."
The tone of his voice was dead serious. I paused and looked him in the eyes.
"You know... my offer from last night still stands. You're more than welcome to stay here tonight if you'd like."
Erik stared at me for a while.
"I think I might take you up on that offer. No hanky-panky, though."
"I may be a cheap date, but I ain't easy! Come back around 6-ish, OK?"
"6-ish it is, then."
Erik gave me a kiss and grabbed the bag of trash out of the trashcan. As I held the front door open for him, he turned around and gave me a long look.
"See you tonight, babe..."
================= Author's Note #11 =================
Wow... I snuck this one off just in the nick of time to have an October submission... too bad it won't be posted until November! :) Next up is another "half-chapter" about Sinn and Jeff, and then it will be back to a single story thread. To those fans of old, thanks for sticking with me through this. If you're new to the story, I hope you enjoyed it.
This story is dedicated to the perfect man in an imperfect situation... here's to hoping that the future brings us better tidings. It's tough without you...
Copyright 2005 by TehGenius. Comments and constructive criticism welcome at stories@tehgenius.com.