Angst

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not write about frank sexual situaions, nor do I have any desire to.

This is a story about teen love and discovery. Still though, it is a gay work of fiction.

If such work offends you or you are not old enough to read in your area, then do not continue reading.

Please do not copy and paste onto another website without emailing me first. In most cases I'd be glad to let you post on another site, as long as you ask first!

Angst Episode 44 "The World in Waiting"

"Krystal Maria Carrentos-saladictorian!"

This was it. This was the day.

"Jade Lorreta Cooper-valedictorian!"

We go to school for our parents just so they could see us to this day.

"Brandon LaMont Jameson!"

Sure there were many times when we all thought we could never make it.

"Michelle Abigail Lewis!"

But we make it, eventually.

"Gino Zachary Lionson!"

All of us.

"Christian Jospeh Murphy!"

Through all the ups......

"Ryan Aiden Nickels!"

And the downs..........

"Alexander Eliel Rodriguez!"

As long I had my friends to help us through it all..every kidnapping...every shooting...every fight...every breakup....every rumor....every enemy.....

"Vanessa Isabella Sanchez!"

I knew we could get through anything.

"Adam Bradley Ventura!"

Of course.....I knew that now....but the days leading up to here were pretty rocky.........

Two weeks earlier

I don't know what Gino was supposed to expect me to think after he told me about....everything.

About how he allowed himself to be blackmailed by Ryan in order to try and break Adam and I up.

About how he tried to use my amnesia to his advantage by turning Adam against me.

About how he bet Chris that he could get into my pants before Chris could.

About how he paid Justin to pretend to be a student at school just to try and cause a rift between all of us.

About how he used Sam to try and come between Adam and I.

About how he used that trip to hell a.k.a Japan to try and come between Adam and I.

About how he tried to come between Adam and I.

Basically, Adam was right.

Everyone was right.

People told me that Gino was in love me, over and over again, but I just didn't want to believe them

Why didn't I want to believe them? I didn't know why not but I kept asking myself that, over and over again.

If anything, I should have learned something from my friends not believing me about John being crazy. It should have told me that if anything, not trusting your friends is the worst thing you could do.

But for some reason I just didn't.

And because I didn't, I allowed Gino to keep doing what he was doing.

To hire Justin just so that he could be killed.

To use Sam like he had, toying with his emotions.

To cause me to not believe my friends and boyfriend.

To cause all the pain and hurt.

Granted, I knew it wasn't all his fault, but all I could do was think of all that and blame him.

And blame myself.

But mostly just blame him.

I mean....how could he? He was supposed to be my friend. One of my best friends!

But all this time, I had no idea just what kind of person he really was. And the person he was, wasn't a good one at all.

And....what was I supposed to do about it? Why did he wait until he had to tell me about it all?

Why had he done any of it?

I guess they were all questions I should have been asking him...if I was still talking to him.

I was just too upset. And stayed upset.

I knew that Gino hadn't told anyone else because everyone just kept asking me what was wrong and why I wasn't talking to Gino.

Even Sam didn't know what was up yet.

But I was mad. Still mad. Stayed mad for a while.

I lost track of how long.

But it was May now.

School was officially over at the end of the month, but the seniors got out early because we all graduated in a couple of weeks.

That was all anyone could talk about, graduation.

Everyone but me.

I was still dealing with much bigger problems.

I wasn't even sure I wanted to graduate.

What was the point? It was supposed to be a celebration of everything I'd accomplished but what had I accomplished really?

I didn't even remember most of my own life and the stuff I did remember......?

I mean...what had I accomplished exactly?

Getting myself kidnapped multiple times?

Getting amnesia?

Watching my boyfriend's dad shoot him?

Watching my tormentor shoot himself?

These were supposed to be the things that I was celebrating having happened to me during my high school life?

It was pointless.

And I was starting to feel life was pointless really.

All it had shown me was that you'll either be kidnapped, shot, almost raped, or dumped in a river somewhere.

Basically, you'd just die, one way or another.

And I didn't want to celebrate death.

I guess I probably looked like I didn't want to do much celebrating either because it was certainly pointed out to me.

"Say it with me now....sunlight!" Michelle spoke. "Have you seen any lately?"

Oh yeah..I guess I hadn't been getting much sleep lately.

Between dodging Gino at school, dodging all his calls at home, and thinking about everything he'd done and how much more it all could have led to had been draining the life out of me slowly and I was actually starting to look it.

"Leave him alone, Michelle," Alex spoke. "He probably is just thinking about graduation."

"Well so am I but I still manage to come to school looking like I belong in the world of the living," Michelle replied, opening her locker.

Knowing they were graduating soon, my friends had all pretty much spent a lot of time out of class.

I went with them, even though I wasn't really 'there'.

I never did much thinking while I was in class anyway.

Plus I really don't ever remembering many important things ever happening in class either.

It was kind of like on t.v. where you never see the kids in class.......

"God I wish May fifth would hurry up and get here," Michelle yawned. "I'm so looking forward to taking my early vacation."

"Except you have to wait until after May seventeenth to graduate first."

"Or go and come back and then go again," Michelle replied. "Just in time to join everyone at UNT."

From our talking, we'd all agreed that none of us wanted to spend any time apart just yet, so we'd all decided to go to the University of North Texas for now. Jade and Krystal still planned on going to Harvard, but would wait until they got an undergraduate degree first.

Adam didn't care where he went as long as I was there, as he told me so himself. And Alex said I was gonna need a popular football playing best friend by my side to keep me cool or something.

Either way, I was happy that all of us were going to the same school. It at least made for some kind of future stability.

But that was later, this was now.

And now I was feeling........

"Ugh so did you guys hear about Alicia Reynolds making a speech at graduation?" Michelle spoke, sounding disgusted. "I'm pretty sure we all know how to have sex, so whatever trash that comes out of her mouth will be completely irrelevant."

"Jade's been working on her valedictorian speech," Krystal replied.

"Overshadow Alicia..hell cut her off if you want, that would be great," Michelle added.

Jade sighed and leaned against the lockers behind her.

"I'm still trying to figure out what I should say...I mean, I don't want to talk about nothing," Jade replied.

"Why not, I'm sure Alicia will be talking about nothing," Michelle replied. "And on that note, why does she get to talk anyway? I have to be smarter than her. Why don't I get to talk?"

"Michelle, don't you think this little obsession you have with Alicia is a little out of control?" Alex asked. "I mean, don't you think you should just let it go?"

"Okay first of all, wishing the death and general downfall of the schools most well used piece of carcass is not an obsession." Michelle clarified. "And as long as the bitch keeps trying to one up me with all those parties.....you know she's going to UNT too, right?"

Alex just rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

"This just in," Chris spoke walking up to the group of us. "If your hand is bigger than your face, you have cancer and if your middle finger is longer than your index...you're gay!"

Alex held his hand up to his face.

"What do you know, you have cancer AND you're a pole swallowing^Å.well^Åyou get it!"

Alex lowered his hand and grabbed Chris.

"Alex-"

"Were about to graduate and you still haven't learned what you have to do in order to get actual human beings to like you!" Alex growled.

"Alex, come on man.." Adam spoke.

I looked over at Chris who was grinning and slowly released himself for Alex's grip.

"Don't worry, E.T.," he said. "I come in peace."

"Yeah right," Alex mumbled. "When have you ever?"

For a second there, I noticed Chris look a little despondent. Like...he was hurt or something.

But as he straightened his shirt out, that look faded as he walked over to me.

"Whoa, Brandon...we gotta get you outdoors more, man," he spoke, looking into my eyes like doctor would. "You're looking a little goth there."

"He still won't tell us what's wrong," Michelle spoke. "But we all know it has something to do with Gino."

Yeah....something......

"Speaking of Satan," Chris quipped, watching as Gino cautiously approached all of us.

I sat up immediately, as I'd been sitting on top of my backpack on the ground, and prepared to leave.

"Brandon wait...if I could just-"

I turned my back to him.

"Brandon come on, you-"

"You wanna back up there, Sparky?" Chris spoke, blocking Gino from getting to me.

"This doesn't concern you Chris-"

"Wanna bet?" Chris spoke, in that instant sounding very threatening.

Gino eyed him carefully before deciding to back down.

I didn't know what else to do so I just took off, deciding to hide in the first comfortable place I could think of.

The journalism room.

"I don't know what you did man, but if Brandon has a problem with you, it's gotta be your fault," Alex said, sounding bitter.

"Alex-"

"I think you'd better just start talking," Alex spoke as calmly as possible. "Now."

Gino looked into the eyes of everyone around him and noticed that they all were staring at him, most likely waiting for him to tell them what was up.

"I just...."

"Don't fucking lie to us either!" Alex snapped.

Gino had told Brandon because at the time, he felt compelled.

But....he was just so afraid to tell everyone else. Especially after seeing how Brandon reacted.

Of course, he couldn't blame him for reacting that way, but it hadn't made it any easier either.

"It's complicated..." he sighed.

"Try us," Chris spoke.

Gino let out a sigh. He knew he had to do it.

"Okay."

I knew Stephen was gonna be here even before I stepped inside.

The juniors, sophomores, and freshmen didn't get of school until the very end of the month, so they didn't have time to just stand around talking like most of the seniors.

That and Stephen was just so obsessed with getting the last edition of the newspaper out before the seniors left.

"God, you give a guy pure gold....greatest story since that prom thing and he takes forever and a day to get back to you with the final draft," Stephen spoke, not even looking up from his computer.

I walked over to his desk and sat in his seat as soon as he got up and started going from computer to computer.

"And then of course everyone else wants to write about stuff that the National Enquirer wouldn't even print," Stephen said, sounding flustered. "I mean, in what universe will two people like Britney Spears and the obviously gay Justin Timberlake have a love child together?"

"They did date," I pointed out.

"Because Britney probably threatened to out Justin if they didn't," Stephen replied.

Stephen and his theories. He was just such and interesting person.

"Did anyone ever tell you you'd be a great talk show host?" I asked.

"Talk show? Please, that's amateur work," Stephen replied. "I wanna create a magazine so huge, it blows all the other stuff out of the water."

"Or you could do that too," I mumbled.

Stephen walked over to one of the printers and stood by it, monitoring it.

"So, what's new in senior land?" he asked. "You guys have massive amounts of free time, yet not enough to write one last article for the paper."

I'd thought about it, but I just wasn't feeling up to it. Not anymore anyway.

Just like the way I wasn't feeling up to a lot of stuff lately.

I guess when I didn't reply, it was cause for Stephen to actually look at me for the first time since I'd stepped foot in the room.

"Whoa...."

Again with the pale thing....

"I know I haven't seen you in a few days...but you really let yourself go, huh?" Stephen asked, walking over and taking a seat next to me.

Everyone else that worked on the newspaper with Stephen was in class. The workload was heavy towards the end of the school year. Stephen probably should have been in class as well, but as he wasn't, he and I were the only two people in the room.

I let out a sigh and looked down at the brand new looking carpet.

"You aren't still upset about what happened on prom night, are you?" he asked.

While I had thought a lot about what had happened that night, I wasn't really concerned with it as much as I probably would have been if it had been the first time I'd been in a situation like that.

Was I supposed to care that the psycho that kidnapped me multiple times shot himself? Was I supposed to care that he also killed the guy that Vanessa was so frightened of, that she had to leave her own home and stay with her cousin just to get away from him?

I guess that's what I thought about mostly.

Whether or not I was supposed to care.

I guess I was seeing an answer.

No. I wasn't.

John was a lunatic, no doubt about that. And he had chances to get help. You could only do so much for a person before you didn't care anymore.

But watching him kill himself........

"I'm just....confused," I finally decided to reply.

"About?"

"Everything."

Stephen leaned back in his chair and put his arms around his head.

"For you I can make time," he spoke. "Go ahead, what's on your mind."

I guess I felt a little more comfortable talking with Stephen just because he hadn't been around for the majority of stuff that I was thinking about.

He was a good listener.

"It's Gino," I started.

"The best friend has finally dug that proverbial knife into your back eh?"

"Something like that-"

"Yeah we all go through that at some point," Stephen replied. "Unfortunately for whoever does it to me, I have a pension for writing stuff down. And then publishing it for the world to see."

"Yeah but it's not like you're thinking," I continued. "I mean...he kinda told me something."

Stephen's eyes lit up and he leaned closer to me.

"Don't tell me....he was born a woman!"

"What? No....it's....a lot..."

"Well...what?"

"He told me....basically that...all the bad things that have happened to me since I met him and Adam....were kind of his fault."

Stephen looked a little unreadable.

"I don't understand."

"And there's no real way that you could either," I replied "I mean, you weren't really there....I guess that's why I cant tell you and not my friends."

Stephen shook his head slowly.

"So this isn't one of those things where Gino thinks he's bad luck or something, is it?" Stephen asked.

I wish that's what this was about. But unfortunately it wasn't.

I stood up and walked over to the bulletin board overflowing with all kinds of papers that were stuck to it and idly looked them all over, while Stephen stayed seated.

"Brandon....I may not get it...but I understand," Stephen replied. "You feel like Gino betrayed you. Like you can't even understand why or how he did all of it, right?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "Right."

Stephen stood up and walked over beside me, looking the papers over next to me.

"So....the question now is...what are you gonna do about it?"

I wasn't sure. So far I'd just been ignoring Gino.

I knew it wasn't very mature of me to do or rational either, but I didn't want to even look at him, let alone hear his voice.

"That's what you have to ask yourself," Stephen replied. "What are you gonna do, and when."

What was still a mystery....but when?

"Thanks, man," I spoke. "You're really good at this listening and handing out advice thing."

"My mom and uncle are shrinks," Stephen replied. "That helps."

I just smiled and shoved Stephen playfully.

"I still can't believe this is gonn abe the last time I ever see this room again," I sighed.

"The room you used to talk more about your problems than write actual papers," Stephen replied. "It'll miss your interesting stories too."

Stephen put his arm around my shoulders as we both stood looking at the wall full of articles.

"You're still the best junior I know," I said.

"I'm the only junior you know," Stephen replied.

Even though he'd made me feel a little better, I still didn't know what I was going to do.

Gino had made up his mind.

He had to tell Sam now. Everything.

Things with Alex and everyone else went.......

He told them and they just kind of did the same thing Brandon had....said nothing and walked off. All of them. Even Michelle and Ryan, as if they hadn't made their own set of mistakes.

He wasn't surprised. In fact, he was actually happy that Alex, Adam or Chris hadn't decided they wanted to jump him in the parking lot afterwards.

But now he had to tell Sam.

He was worried because, of all the things he did, using Sam was the most recent. He'd gone on letting Sam think that he really loved him, when the truth was...he didn't love anyone.

He wasn't sure if he was capable of loving someone.

He thought what he felt for Brandon was love but he knew now that it wasn't.

He knew that you had to have reasons for loving someone. Feelings.

You couldn't just see a person and decide you were in love with them. That wasn't how it worked.

"Hey," Sam spoke, reaching over to kiss Gino, but Gino pulled back. "Okay...."

"We need to talk," Gino started.

After having told Alex and the others not too long ago, he was feeling even more dejected and feelingless than before.

In a way, that made this easier. At least he wouldn't feel as hurt once he told Sam.

"Uh.....Gino..." Sam started, taking notice of the pained expression on his face.

Gino didn't know how he wanted to handle things.

He wasn't afraid that Sam would beat him up afterwards, but if he tried to, he wouldn't stop him. He knew that whatever was coming to him, he full well deserved.

"I think maybe we should talk in private," Gino started.

He'd have preferred to have done the same thing with Alex and everyone else, but they'd basically all cornered him into telling them the truth.

"Everything's okay, right?" Sam asked, trying to look Gino in the face, unsuccessfully.

Gino didn't respond.

"Right?"

"Please? Can we just go to the lounge and talk-"

"No, Gino....I don't like the way you sound right now," Sam replied. "What's wrong?"

"Sam, don't do this-"

"Do what? You're the one acting like.....-"

"Like what?"

"Like back when you stopped talking to me after I told you-"

"Why do you have to bring that up every time-"

"What do you want me to say Gino?! Huh?"

"Nothing, I just want you to listen to what I have to say," Gino replied, letting out a sigh.

This certainly wasn't going as smoothly as he would have liked and for that he was feeling even more dejected.

Sam just crossed his arms and stared at Gino who looked up at him and straightened up some.

"I.....lied to you," Gino started.

Sam said nothing but looked concerned.

"About...a lot of things....but most importantly.....I lied to you about my feelings for you."

Sam uncrossed his arms and shook his head really slowly.

"I don't...understand..."

"I'm not in love with Sam. I wasn't when I told you I was and I'm not right now," Gino replied, bluntly.

For the longest time, Sam just stared at Gino, so Gino decided to continue.

"I was in love with Brandon," he continued. "Or thought I was...and I was using you to help me with anything I thought I had to do to get Brandon to be my-"

Gino didn't even get to finish because Sam had punched him straight in the mouth.

Gino stumbled back a little and put a hand up to his mouth.

"Son of a bitch!" Sam exclaimed. "All this time-"

"I know, Sam and I'm sorry-"

"No...not now....but you will be," Sam growled before shoving past Gino and walking off.

Gino hadn't known what to expect but he certainly hadn't been expecting that.

He didn't know what Sam meant about what was gonna happen but at this point, he knew that he deserved whatever was coming to him.

And he had a feeling that a lot more was coming to him.

"Hey..." Jade spoke, approaching me at my locker.

I was still feeling....a little out of it.

I mean, I was still dealing with Gino but then there were other things. I hadn't forgotten that Jade was ready to pick a college without telling any of us, especially me her best friend.

But I guess I kind of just got around that as I started thinking about and dealing with other things.

I didn't reply though. Not because I was upset, which I was, but just because....just because. I don't know. I guess I didn't have a reason for a lot of things lately.

"So....why didn't you tell us? Me?" Jade asked, slumping down to sit next to me at my locker.

I looked down at the tile I was sitting on trying to figure out if she was actually being serious.

Why hadn't I told her?

Was it my place really? And beyond that, where did she get off asking why I hadn't told her something huge like this when she was all set to leave, only telling me at the last minute which college she was really going to?

I just let out an amused chuckle and turned my head to the side, staring in the opposite direction Jade was sitting, without paying attention to her.

"I get it...you're still upset that I didn't tell you about Yale or Harvard," Jade spoke.

"But we got that all out of the way, remember?" I spoke bitterly, turning back to her. "We're all going to the same school for now."

So really...I guess I didn't have a legitimate reason to be upset with Jade. I still was though.

"But this thing with Gino-"

I let out another chuckle.

"Right, Gino..."

I don't know how many times I'd asked myself since he'd told me how come I couldn't see it myself. Why hadn't I seen for myself what kind of person Gino really was?

Lots of other people saw it. But me? I was too busy defending him and letting him get away with everything.

"You could have told me...I'm still your friend."

Honestly, I was seriously starting to doubt what my concept of friendship was. Every one of my so called friends had hurt me in one way or another. But, I guess I'd also hurt them too.

The only thing was...how could we all claim to be friends if were always hurting each other some how? What kind of 'friends' were we supposed to be exactly?

"You know, I could say the same thing about Gino," I replied.

"It was completely wrong, I can see that...but why do you think he told you?"

Why? How was I supposed to know why? Better yet, why had he done any of the stuff in the first place?

Before we get to why he told me, I'd love to know why he did any of it. That was the only 'why' I was interested in.

"If you noticed, Gino isn't exactly right in the head," I found myself saying.

Now it was easier for me to understand why someone as crazy as John had been in love with Gino.

Like birds of a feather....

"We all have our problems....Gino has more-"

"Yeah and I wanna know what he thinks is gonna happen," I said. "He told me, yeah, but what now?"

"I don't know....this is all up to you really," Jade replied. "Gino may have hurt us, but it's obviously you he hurt the most. If you don't forgive him, then the rest of us have to respect that and choose to do the same."

This had me looking back up at Jade.

"You'd do that?"

"At the end of the day I'd like to still think of you as that geeky guy Alex and I used to hang out with," Jade replied. "The same guy we did anything for and still would."

I guess it made sense that they were only friends with Gino if I was friends with Gino and if I wasn't friends with him then neither would they be.

"Come on," Jade started, standing up. "Why don't we go grab a couple of lattes from the lounge."

I let out a sigh and reluctantly stood up as well.

I was nowhere near done drowning in my thoughts, but at least I could drown in them with my friends now.

My real friends.

Gino immediately turned around to exit the bathroom he regretted walking into but stopped when Chris called his name.

"Where you going man?" Chris called, still taking his piss. "I thought you loved our little bathroom chats."

Gino didn't see how in a school as big as the Angst with as many students and bathrooms as it had how he could have run into Chris so many times in the same bathroom all year.

Gino let out a sigh and turned around.

He knew that he probably...most definitely....should have left but he felt a little guilty for everything he'd been doing and knew that Chris had a right to be upset with him right now, just like everyone else.

"You know....you'd lecture me about my methods of securing a friendship with Brandon," Chris started. "Threaten me as if I was the one hiring some two bit actor to come shake things up a little only to end up dead because of you."

"Chris-"

"No I get it," Chris started, zipping up. "It was all part of your process right? All the scheming and using people and stuff....must have been a real thrill. A joyride huh?"

Gino just watched as Chris walked over to the sinks and turned one on.

"I mean, sure I've done my fair share of bad things but you know the one thing I could at least say I did that you didn't?"

Gino didn't answer.

"Is I actually cared about Brandon and whether or not he was happy.....I did some stupid things, yeah, but I still cared."

Gino wanted to argue. Wanted to dispute Chris's claim. But the truth was, he knew Chris was right. If he had actually cared about Brandon, he never would have done those things.

He would have seen that they were wrong and not have done them at all.

"So I guess you've been officially ostracized from the little popular clique, huh?" Chris spoke, drying his hands.

"I just....I wanted to tell him everything-"

"Like a guilty conscious huh?"

"No like a weird dream compelling me to do the right thing-"

Chris looked over at Gino with a puzzled look on his face.

"A weird dream huh? Lemme guess...you were happily in love with Brandon but something happened that made you realize 'hey, screwing with peoples emotions isn't the latest greatest South Beach fad after all' right?"

"It was a lot more complicated than that-"

"I can imagine..." Chris mumbled, passing Gino to throw his wet towels in the trash.

"We were friends..." Gino found himself blurting out.

Chris, who'd been on his way out before, stopped.

"Best friends, you and me....and you were gay-"

"Just stop," Chris cut Gino off. "The difference is, you didn't just dream you screwed your best friend over, it actually happened."

Gino didn't know what to say in response and Chris was finished anyway, leaving Gino alone in the restroom.

"You think he told Sam?" Michelle asked, looking over at Sam talking with a few of his friends.

"He definitely looks pissed off about something," Ryan replied.

"God man, I just wanna lay Gino's little ass out!" Alex growled.

He'd offered to beat the shit out of Gino four times now, this making the fifth.

I had a feeling the slightest little thing would snap him and he'd actually wind up making good on his offers and threats.

I don't know why, but from the minute I'd seen Gino walk into the lunch room, I hadn't been able to stop paying attention to him.

Even as he stood in line, shooting fleeting glances my way. Or even as he was paying for his food, looking out into the crowd deciding where to sit.

"Look...he's not eating with Sam..." Michelle pointed out. "I'd say he definitely knows."

"Hey Alex, maybe Sam'll help you kick Gino's ass," Ryan suggested.

"What happened to the days when we practiced pacifism, huh?" Stephen asked.

"Sweetie if you knew these guys, you'd know that the word pacifist isn't even in their vocabulary," Michelle spoke.

"I just think it's funny how Gino got away with everything," Krystal replied. " I mean, people really only confess their crimes when they get caught."

"I guess we have to at least give the guy that," Ryan spoke. "He did confess of his own accord."

"You would say that mister sleep around behind your best friends back!" Krystal exclaimed.

"Well why we're on the subject of sleeping around," Ryan started, looking over at Michelle.

"Okay, so we've all made mistakes," Michelle spoke, trying to diffuse some of the tension. "But was any one thing any of us did as bad as a combination of all the shit Gino pulled?"

No one said anything.

I guess we knew she was right.

All I could focus on right now was the fact that any of it even happened.

Why?

Gino said he wasn't in love with me anymore...when did he stop loving me?

If it was a long time ago then why had he continued to be such a shady person?

"Well I for one am glad that school's out in two weeks and we're finally graduating," Michelle spoke.

"Lucky you," Stephen mumbled. "I have still have another year to deal with this torture chamber some people like to call school."

"Oh baby, you're so cute when you're cranky and complaining," Jade spoke, kissing Stephen on the cheek.

"It's why I do it," Stephen smiled.

"Well if you're lucky, you won't have any psycho's like John to deal with," Michelle spoke. "God knows we all could have done without at least half the drama we've had to put up with these past two years."

And I for one whole heartedly agreed with her. If only, what if. I mean, I could think it and say it until I was blue in the face, but it wasn't going to change anything.

All the things that had happened to me and everyone else the past two years, would still be true.

But still...I had to wonder....

I mean, what if I'd never been paired with Gino on that assignment? I most certainly wouldn't have associated with him otherwise and he probably wouldn't have noticed me either.

And what if Adam hadn't bailed out on his plans with Michelle to spend the day with me and get so drunk he crashed at my house?

What if Gino had never met John?

What if, what if, what if...... I still had to think and wonder.

"God...when I think about the kind of people we were two years ago...." Michelle started.

But she didn't finish.

"Us all sitting together right now is proof enough that we've all been through a lot," Jade added.

That statement had me looking back over at Gino who I noticed was eyeing Sam.

Sam.

He'd been hurt worse than I had when it came to Gino.

Gino hadn't used me like he had Sam.

I had to wonder how he was feeling right now.

"Yo Sam, you alright man?" Sam's friend Roy asked.

Sam, who was sitting arms crossed leaning back in his seat looked down at the food he hadn't touched in front of him.

"You know, guy must be having problems with his boyfriend," Fred, another guy at the table spoke. "Still can't believe you went all queer on us like you did."

"Yeah, that was unexpected," Roy spoke. "But you didn't turn into some pussyfoot so it's still okay to be seen around you."

Sam knew his friends cared about him and wouldn't disown him just because at one time he liked to think he was actually.....in love with Gino.

And he knew they were only trying to make him feel better, but it wasn't working.

He was angry at Gino, sure, but he was mostly angry with himself for not realizing that Gino had been using him all along.

Realizing...not admitting it to himself, more like it.

Deep down, he hadn't fully trusted Gino. After all, some of the stuff that Gino had asked him to do...like tricking Brandon into kissing him so that Adam would see....or how he kept telling him that he wasn't sure that he was actually into him and ready to tell him his feelings.

What a load of bullshit.

Now...he was past being sad. He had went straight past being sad and was only focused on his anger.

And now...now he wanted to make Gino suffer. Pay for everything he'd done to him. Make him pay for toying with his emotions.

Revenge.

"Can't say that I'd be any good at finding you a man, dude," Roy started. "But hell...I'd be willing to take you to one of those freaky gay clubs or something."

Sam looked over at Roy and sat up.

"Thanks but that's not what I had in mind," he spoke, looking in Gino's direction.

Roy, Fred, and a few of Gino's other friends looked over at him.

"Well, then what exactly did you have in mind?" Fred asked.

Sam glared over at Gino before looking back at his friends.

"I need you to help me out with something," he replied. "With making someone pay."

No one was pushing me to try and talk with Gino.

I was glad, but I think we all knew that I was going to have to do that eventually.

The only problem was, eventually could have meant the day before I died and right now, if I wanted to do it before we graduated, I was running out of time.

We only had a few days until graduation and I still hadn't talked to Gino since he'd admitted to me everything. Every one of his dirty little deeds.

I guess I was still trying to figure out what to say to him.

What could I say without losing my cool?

"T.V dinner, anybody?"

I looked up at my partially open door to notice Chris standing at it, approaching me slowly.

I sat up in my bed and crossed my legs Indian style.

"Hey," I smiled.

Chris was now a completely welcomed face.

He also was helping me to see that if I could forgive him for all his deeds, then I could forgive Gino.

Could I?

I still didn't know yet, but..............

"So not exactly as icky as a t.v. dinner," Chris started, sitting on top of my bed. "But I haven't been a fan of Burger King ever since they forgot to cook my fries...twice."

It was nice of Chris to bring me my favorite fast food even though he hated the place.

"So, no t.v. or computers on....I take it that means you're still thinking about Gino," Chris spoke. "Or the lack thereof."

I let out a sigh as I looked through my combo meal.

"Well, that among other things," I replied. "I mean, it's like they keep saying, we're seniors you know? I should be acting like an adult and handling my problems, instead I just keep running from them."

"Yeah, but you have to admit, the guy was pretty horrible to you," Chris spoke.

Yeah...but then I couldn't forget about all the good things Gino had done for me either.

"I still don't know what I'm supposed to do," I sighed. "I just wish this was a lot easier than it is. Like somebody could do this all for me."

"Well you know, you don't have to do anything at all. You could just completely ignore the problem....you won't have to see Gino ever again after next Tuesday..."

That brought up something else.

"Or you either......"

Chris pursed his lips and looked down, getting up and walking over to my window.

"The rest of us decided on a college...UNT......" I spoke.

"You know...I don't know if I can...be...like the rest of you...I don't know if I can just go with the flow.."

"That's why I didn't ask you. It's a huge thing...deciding to go to a school just because everyone else is. I mean, with college we're supposed to be heading towards our futures, not our pasts."

Chris crossed his arms as he continued to stare out the window.

"I'm not even sure I'm ready to even give up my past....I haven't even really dealt with it yet."

"You talking about whatever happened between you and Alex?"

Chris was silent for a few moments before he turned around and smiled back over at me.

"Actually I think Alex and I got all were gonna get out into the open a while ago," he replied. "Besides, we're not talking about me here, we're talking about you."

I sighed as I took a sip of my soda.

"You know, I think better when I'm in the shower.....maybe that'll work for you.."

"Chris-"

"Oh come on!" Chris started, pulling me off of the bed and leading me towards the restroom. "You take a nice long shower and I'll be on your computer erasing your hard drive of the gigs worth of porn you probably have on it."

I allowed Chris to lead me into the bathroom. I had to admit, I did need to relax.

Chris turned on the water and let it get nice and hot before leaving temporarily and returning with a two towels.

"Here," he spoke handing them to me. "No less than ten minutes but no longer than thirty or else people might start to think you're pleasuring yourself in there."

I guess it wouldn't hurt. Adam was gone anyway with Jade and Michelle. Chris was nice company right about now.

"Okay, but don't delete the one where that guy does that weird thing to the other guy with his tongue....."

"Oh, I think I like the sound of that one."

I just smiled and watched as Chris shut the door and left my sight.

Chris headed back into the room and had a seat on the bed, taking out his cell phone to see who'd called him an hour ago.

He was so enthralled with reading his text messages that he hadn't even heard the doorbell ring when it had, nor had he heard anyone coming up the stairs and heading straight for the room.

"Hey Brandon, did you download that new episode of-"

Chris looked up at Alex who was frozen looking at him in the doorway.

"Alex-"

"Where's Brandon?" Alex asked.

Chris swallowed almost forgetting for a moment.

"He's uh.....he's..."

"What are you doing here?" Alex asked.

"I uh...I brought Brandon something to eat," Chris spoke, taking notice of the bag of Burger King in Alex's hands. "Apparently you both like uncooked food."

Alex let out a bemused chuckle, allowing his head to lean against the doorpost as he looked up at the cieling, eyes closed.

"Why God? Why me?"

Chris got of the bed and stood up.

"Um....."

Alex opened his eyes and looked back over at Chris.

"Well I'm not leaving," Alex spoke, walking into the room. "He is MY best friend, after all."

Chris contemplated leaving himself but his trademark cockiness quickly returned to him.

"Well, I was here first," he replied. "So I'm definitely not leaving."

Alex and Chris just stared at each other before Chris sat back down on the edge of the bed and Alex took a seat in the chair at the computer desk.

"Download the episode of what?" Chris asked. "I take it your favorite show isn't Celebrity Deathmatch anymore."

Alex looked over at Chris and sighed.

"There's a lot about me that's not the same anymore."

Chris knew that Alex was the only person he felt nervous around and he knew that it was his doing as well.

He'd been trying to make amends with Alex, but Alex wasn't letting him do that. He understood that Alex had every right to stay angry with him for however long he liked, but it still pained him to have Alex upset with him.

"So that must be Brandon in the shower then," Alex spoke, thumbing through a Game Informer magazine.

"Yeah...he's relaxing, my orders," Chris grinned.

Alex looked up at Chris through the top of his eyes.

"Your orders huh?"

Chris's grin slowly faded.

"If I wasn't around, the guy would probably kill himself if you convinced him it was the right thing to do," Alex said. "You seem to be pretty good at convincing people of things that aren't necessarily true or good for them."

"Alex-"

"What?"

Chris wasn't sure....he'd started, but now....

Alex let out a chuckle.

"I'm sorry? How many times do I have to say it?"

"Chris....usually people apologize when they mean it," Alex replied. "And I'm afraid you're never gonna mean it."

"But I do!" Chris exclaimed.

"Why?" Alex spoke louder, tossing the magazine aside. "Why do you mean it? I mean, why are you so interested in trying to apologize now, six years later?"

"I've been trying-"

"Yeah I know, while busy trying to screw my best friend over!"

"I apologized for all that."

"And lucky for you, Brandon seems to be a lot better at forgiving people for any and everything."

"And what about you? You're his best friend....usually best friends share similar qualities-"

"What's your deal, Chris? Huh? What do you want from me?" Alex asked.

Chris sighed and looked away from Chris.

"Forgiveness, you can have. But acceptance...that's a little bit harder for me to do," Alex spoke, a lot more calmly.

"Why?"

"Why? You hurt me Chris.....you were my closest friend other than Brandon...and what you did so wasn't cool-"

"I know and I'm sorry. I was a stupid kid who did a stupid thing-"

"And that's what I wanted to believe....but then you came back, older, and still doing stupid things!"

"I guess meeting Brandon and seeing everything he's been through kinda forced me to grow up fast," Chris replied. "It just took me a little longer to realize that."

Alex looked over at Chris, seeing him in a different light.

He almost....sympathized with him. A step towards tolerance.

"Of course....it's different with you, isn't it? I guess I have a lot to make up for....."

Alex didn't say anything. Instead he just looked over at Chris trying to decide something in his mind.

Forgiveness he could give him....tolerance?

Gino looked around his home.

It was funny, over 36 rooms, and the place felt foreign to him.

He didn't spend much time here anyway. Or at least, he hadn't before.

But now...now he was seeing things for the first time.

This place wasn't a home. It was just a house.

His parents lived here with him sure, but they weren't together. In fact, Gino's mother had even moved in her new boyfriend.

Basically, his living situation was anything but normal.

As Gino walked down the left set of stairs, he could see the light to his father's den on, signifying that he was home and doing work as usual.

To his credit, he hadn't been working nearly as much as before, but he was still working a lot. At least he saw him now though.

He could hear his mother laughing at something her boyfriend, Tommy, had obviously said to her.

When he got close enough, he noticed her sitting on the couch with her legs pulled to the side with Tommy sitting next to her facing her directly.

The two were sharing a box of Chinese food with a stack of papers laying on the table across from them.

She must have noticed him as well because she stopped laughing and tried to greet him as she finished chewing up the Dim Sum in her mouth.

"Hey, honey!"

"Hey mom," Gino spoke, forcing as best a smile as he could.

He noticed Tommy look up at him with a smile.

Tommy was about ten years younger than his mother and looked five years younger than that, so he really looked maybe a couple of years older than him.

He seemed like a nice enough guy. He didn't really know anything about him. But as long as he was making his mother happy, he didn't have a problem with him.

"Hey man," Tommy spoke, standing.

Gino walked over to the two and shook Tommy's extended hand.

"You played that new GTA yet?" Tommy asked, in an attempt to try and connect with Gino.

"Yeah...have it upstairs," Gino replied.

"Maybe one of these days you could show me some of your stuff," Tommy replied.

"You two and your games," Gino's mom spoke. "Between the two of you, you probably have about a thousand games."

"Is that a bad thing?" Tommy asked sitting back down looking over at Gino's mother who was smiling.

"You're so cute you know that?"

Gino liked seeing his mother happy.

It was refreshing to see their budding love on display.

It made him forget about the fact that he was just now realizing that he hadn't ever been in love. None of the girls or guys he'd dated or wanted....none of them.

Gino just tried to force another smile as he took a seat in the chair opposite of his mother and Tommy.

"Um...Tommy, you think you can give us a moment, here?"

"Sure," Tommy smiled, kissing Gino's mother on the forehead. "You and me, gaming tournament, soon."

"Alright man," Gino replied.

On the way out Gino noticed his father passing Tommy and walking into the living room.

He stood behind Gino, massaging his shoulders.

"Hey champ, what's wrong?" he asked.

"I was just about to ask him that."

"What? Nothing's wrong...." Gino replied, trying to force another smile. "Why do you guys-"

"Things may be a little different now, but what hasn't changed is us being your parents," Gino's mother spoke. "I know when something is bothering my son."

Gino knew for a fact that he could dispute that fact three ways to Sunday but decided against it. He wasn't in the mood right now anyway.

Instead he let out a sigh and decided to relent. His parents knew what was supposed to be his deepest secret already. And as long as he was telling everyone else about the things he'd done.......

"I'm not.......I'm not the person you think I am," he started.

Gino's father got from behind Gino and walked over to where his mother was sitting, and sat on the opposite end of the couch.

"Gino...what's going on?'

"It's just...with all the stressful things going on in my life lately....I decided it was time to start evaluating my life."

"Is it our living situation?" Gino's mom asked. "Maybe I shouldn't have moved Tommy in here-"

"No mom, that is a little weird, but I'm fine with it.....it's me...."

"Well what is it?" Gino's dad asked.

"I'm a horrible person. I hurt my friends. I hurt the person in love with me...I did to him what I was doing to other people and couldn't see myself....and I'm responsible for the deaths of three people."

Gino's parent's just stared at him for awhile.

"What?" Gino's mother asked.

"It's my fault those kids at school that I was involved with were killed....and I have to live with that for the rest of my life-"

"Son, you didn't shoot them-"

"No but..........if I hadn't have met any of them, they wouldn't be dead."

Gino wasn't sure where he was going or what he was wanting to say but this was happening now.

"Gino.....as long as you didn't kill them yourself, it isn't your fault-"

"But it is my fault. I know that now-"

"Come on honey....this can't be-"

"I told you, I'm not who you think I am," Gino sighed. "I think it's about time I tell you what kind of son you have."

Hmm.

I wonder how many days I was gonna let go by before I talked with Gino.

Maybe I wasn't gonna talk to him at all.

It kind of looked like that was what was going to end up happening. Me not talking to him at all.

It was now Saturday and I really didn't have any plans.

I was starting to feel my fair share of excitement for graduation on Tuesday, but I knew that I couldn't be completely excited until I worked out my problems. All of them.

"Alright so your father and I have to work extra shifts today," my mom spoke as she worked to get breakfast on the table. "The system went down again and I don't think they want to send any astronauts off to space and not have them coming back, so you two are gonna be on your own again."

"What about your mom, Adam?" I asked, grabbing myself a piece of bacon from the plate in front of me.

"She's still picking out stuff for the house," Adam replied. "I don't know why she wants a brand new two story house when she's gonna be the only one living in it."

Seemed irrational to me too. Then again, her husband had shot her own son, so maybe she wanted the perfect house to try and get rid of that feeling, whatever it was. Who knows.

"Alright, so I'll see the two of you later," my mom spoke kissing me on the head and ruffling Adam's hair.

I watched as she left out the front door then looked over at Adam who was pouring himself a glass of orange juice.

"So, what should we do today?" I asked. "Got any ideas?"

"A few," Adam replied, looking up at me with a devilish grin. "But all of them involve you being naked in one way, shape or form."

I just smile at him as I spooned some grits onto my plate.

"So how did planning for Jade's speech go?" I asked.

"I don't know why she wants me to be one of her quotes people.....what am I supposed to say really?" Adam replied, shoving some bacon in his mouth. "And then Michelle was plotting Alicia's Reynolds's downfall the entire time. The girl seriously needs to let that whole thing go."

All this talk about Alicia yet I don't think any of us besides Michelle had ever heard the girl speak. Hell, I'd only even seen her but a handful of times, barely. But if she got her way, she'd be speaking at graduation. I'd hear her then.

"So what about you? Anything interesting happen last night?"

I thought back to how when I came out of my thirty minute shower session, Alex and Chris were both together in my room.

It kind of looked like they'd been arguing, but at the same time, like they were coming to some sort of understanding. Maybe whatever problems the two were having were finally getting solved.

I hadn't asked, and neither of them had brought it up last night either.

"Well I had a weeks worth of Burger King, compliments of Alex and Chris-"

"Chris was here? With Alex?" Adam asked, sounding surprised. "Surprised they didn't kill each other."

"I never got their deal," I replied. "Then again, I never got you and Chris's deal either......"

I was hoping that was enough bait.

Adam stopped chewing for a second and looked over at me.

"It's not really shocking," he replied. "I mean, we got into a fight once...well Alex and Chris got into a fight once...back when I didn't really know you.....and I kinda got pulled into it," Adam replied. "Ryan too. Jade was there....she kinda broke it up."

So that was it. That was the reason why Ryan, Jade, and Adam all seemed to dislike Chris.

Adam said Alex and Chris had been fighting. I at least wish I knew what the deal was between them but at least I had somewhat of a bit of clarity on the matter.

"Moving on from one problem to another," Adam started, spreading some jelly onto his toast. "You decided whether or not you want to talk to Gino yet?"

No. Not really.

I knew I had to do it soon, but then I'd just start thinking....thinking....that seemed to be my downfall, the thinking thing. As long as I wasn't thinking about what happened, I seemed to do pretty well.

"I guess I was just kinda thinking that-"

I was cut off when the phone started ringing.

"Hold on babe," Adam spoke, licking his fingers and jumping off of the stool he was siting on, walking around the kitchen island and over to the phone.

I watched him as he picked it up and answered.

His smile faded immediately.

I noticed it looked like the color was draining from his face as he held the phone to his ear.

He hadn't even said anything when he slowly hung it up and walked back over to the stool, looking down at his food.

Before, he looked hungry, happy and perfectly tanned.

Now......

"Adam....what's wrong?" I asked.

Adam looked up at me.

He was looking at me sure, but it didn't really seem like he was all there.

"That was my dad........he wants to see me," he replied.

I didn't know what to say to that.

I was just as shocked by that as Adam probably was.

I wanted to, but didn't know if I should, ask him if he was going to see him.

Adam looked past me and sighed.

"I have to go," he replied.

"What?"

"We have to go, I mean....he asked me to bring you along."

"Me?"

What for? Why would I wanna see the man that tried to kill me?

And why would Adam want to see the man that shot him?

"Adam...are you sure? I mean..."

"No...I'm not," Adam replied. "But I have questions and he's the only person who can give me answers."

Adam had gotten up and walked towards the stairs.

I got up and followed.

I guess I wouldn't be talking to Gino anytime soon after all.

Truthfully, Gino wasn't surprised with his parent's ho hum reaction to all his past deeds.

Just because his father and him turned out to be gay and his mother had a guy living in the house with them now, didn't make them any better parents.

They were never around much, so they probably hadn't learned how to be good parents.

Gino's punishment? They probably didn't know what that was, because all his parents did was feed him lines that seemed like they were stolen from Dr. Phil or some other quack.

Of course, they'd scheduled and extra counseling session a week, bringing the total now to four a week.

It was all trite to Gino.

It wasn't like the shrink could tell him anything that he didn't already know.

But now? Now he was actually starting to wish that he could talk with Brandon.

He wanted so badly to know whether or not their friendship was over for good now. It might as well have been, he knew that he'd ruined things between the two of them.

He knew that he'd be lucky to have Brandon ever talk to him again.

But he'd be crazy to tell himself that it wasn't what he wanted. To talk to Brandon again. Because he wanted nothing more than to spend time with him again like he used to.

Sure, he might not have been in love with Brandon like he originally thought, but he still felt the connection. The one that he wanted to hold on to for as long as he could.

He'd picked up his phone several times decided to call him, but hung up before the first ring every time.

He didn't know whether or not if it was because he was too afraid or because he didn't want to go to Brandon, instead wanting him to come to him.

The truth was, he didn't know what he wanted lately, and that scared him.

He didn't want to be a self destructive person.

He didn't want to be the guy that came home and cut himself just to feel pain.

He felt that enough on his own.

Whether or not he was going to get a chance to change things was completely up to Brandon.

We'd driven the two hours to the jail Adam's father was in.

We'd signed in and had one of the guards tell Adam's father we were here to see him.

We'd prepared ourselves to see him.

But now that Adam and I were finally here, it seemed as though maybe Adam was having second thoughts.

We were standing outside the first bars which led into a second set behind an area where you could go and sit down to talk to whoever you'd come to see.

I had to say, being here surrounded by felons and criminals made me feel slightly above nervous.

But I had Adam here with me and he wasn't gonna let anything happen to me.

Still....he may have been willing to protect me but it looked as though he may have been the one who was more afraid in this situation.

"Adam..." I started.

He was in standing front of me looking through the bars at his father sitting in the corner. We could see him but he couldn't see us.

I watched Adam's back go up with a deep breath and come back down upon releasing it.

"I don't know if......I don't know if I can do this....."

I reached out and put one hand on Adam's shoulder.

"Adam...you don't have to...we can go-"

And for a moment, it looked like that's what Adam was going to agree to do.

But then I noticed that his father had finally caught sight of us and stood up.

Adam must have noticed it to because he froze.

I couldn't see his face so I wasn't sure how he was looking but I knew that he had to have a lot of things going through his mind.

For a few minutes we just stood there and I was starting to grow uncomfortable wondering what was supposed to be happening.

Finally, a guard broke the silence asking the two of us if we were gonna go ahead and go inside.

Adam looked over at him.

"Um..."

"Adam...I'll be over there," I started, pointing to an empty table in the room.

"No, I want you to come with me," he replied, turning slightly to face me.

"Adam...you have to do this," I started. "Me being with you isn't going to change anything."

And I think somewhere deep inside, Adam knew that.

Which was probably why he didn't try to argue with me.

Instead he just sighed and signaled for the guard to open the gate-like bars so we could enter the room.

Adam walked slowly over to where his father was sitting while I just took a seat at the table I told him I'd be at.

Only, as soon as I'd sat down and was comfortable enough did I notice Adam turning around and heading straight for the door.

"Adam," I spoke, standing up.

I rushed over to him and grabbed his hand.

"I can't...do it by myself....."

I looked into his green eyes and made a decision. I was going to have to do this with him, as much as I didn't want to.

I guess Adam knew my intentions because he allowed me to lead him back over to where his father was sitting.

He clenched my hand tightly as we took a seat on one side of the table.

"I'm glad you came....both of you," Adam's father started.

Adam, I noticed, looked bitter, nervous, and angry all at once and sure was doing a number on my right hand.

"I didn't think you'd come...." his father continued.

"What do you want?" Adam asked, shortly.

Adam's father stopped and looked between Adam and I.

I noticed that he looked tired. Like he hadn't slept in days...weeks maybe.

He also looked older. Maybe from stress...

He just looked different and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"I heard you were graduating next week....that's great!"

"Who told you that?" Adam asked.

"Adam I..."

"What do you want dad? Adam asked.

I knew it wasn't my place to necessarily judge Adam for how he was treating his father. After all, he did shoot him in the arm.

But the one thing I noticed was that his father didn't seem to be disgusted with us being together. And it was obvious that we were, together.

"I never.....got a chance to apologize to you for what I did-"

Adam didn't say anything but the death-grip he had on my hand started to get softer.

"I knew I was wrong after.....after it happened.....and I know it shouldn't have happened in the first place-"

"So what? You say you're sorry for trying to kill me and I'm supposed to accept it and be on my way?"

"Adam I didn't try to kill.........that's not what this is about, son!"

"You're only in here for eight months dad.....why now?"

Adam's father sighed and looked over at me before looking back at Adam.

"I panicked....I never had to deal with....what you are...before. At least not officially?"

"You didn't accept me so you shot me, I understand-"

"Would you please just try to understand how sorry I am for what I did to you? To both of you?

"You wanna know what I understand dad?" Adam started, letting go of my hand and leaning forward on the table. "Is that all my life you groomed me to be the perfect 'man'. Play football, drink beers, screw around with girls...but the whole time...I never felt like you were interested in getting to know me personally. It just seemed like you were only interested in what you were trying to make me out to be, not who I really was."

Adam's father looked down at the table.

"Sometimes it takes the worst situation having to happen before you understand what something truly is..."

"So is that what this is? Shoot your son, spend a little time in jail with the philosophy books and the Oprah reruns, and now you think you're a good father?"

"All I'm asking is that you give me a chance, son."

"You had a chance. You had eighteen years worth of chances, and you kept screwing up until finally...you finished the job."

"I know you might never forgive me....and I know that I don't deserve forgiveness-"

"Sure don't-"

"But I just don't want you to shut me out. I want a chance to show you that I've changed and that I've learned from all my mistakes. Please."

Adam still didn't look convinced and I noticed him starting to stand but I stopped him.

"Brandon...."

"He's right..."

He'd helped me to realize something, however strange it sounded.

He'd helped me to realize that even though Gino had made mistakes, huge ones, if he had confessed them to me, it was the first step. And if he was serious about wanting to change, then I should at least give him the chance to prove it to me.

Everyone deserved a second chance.

"What?"

"It's not the same, I know, but it's like with me and Gino......you have to give people a chance to prove you wrong."

And that's what this was about.

Not just all of a sudden accepting Adam's father as having changed. Or not just taking him back with wide arms. But giving him the chance to prove that everything Adam thought about him was wrong now.

Adam stared at me for a few moments before sitting back down and looking over at his father.

It took him a few moments before he finally said anything but he did.

"If I do this...thing...and let you back in.." he started, not looking at his father. "If you don't...prove me wrong, I'll never speak to you ever again."

Adam's father finally looked alive for the first time since we'd first arrived.

"I'm gonna show you I'm changed-"

"And when you get out and decide to come around and see me, if you don't change, if you haven't accepted me for who I am...then you have to leave. You have to leave and never come back."

Those seemed like harsh conditions, both we all knew Adam was entitled to set whatever conditions he wanted to in this situation.

"I was wrong about you," Adam's father spoke looking over at me. "You are good for him."

Adam reached down and grabbed my hand.

"I know," Adam spoke. "He really is."

So that gave me hope.

If Adam could work to fix things with his father then it was at least a sign to show me that I should be able to work things out with Gino.

The hardest part was taking that first step.

That was what I was going to have to get over.

"So...graduation, huh?" Adam's father started.

I decided to wait until school on Monday before I talked to Gino.

I was too happy and too busy over the weekend to do it anyway.

But at least I'd made up my mind and actually decided to do it.

Of course, I'd made up my mind Saturday when Adam and I went to go see his father in jail.

Now that it was Monday and I was actually approaching Gino at his locker, I was starting to feel really nervous.

I noticed Gino look up at me with a nervous look on his face.

Hey, at least we were both nervous.

It was a start.

"Uh....hi," I started.

I didn't know how else to start. Hell, I didn't even know where to start.

"Hi," Gino replied, stopping what he was doing altogether to pay attention to me.

I glanced over into the halls for a second, watching as a lot of the seniors cleared the junk from their lockers before looking back at Gino.

"I was gonna call you," Gino started. "But....."

He was going to call me?

Well it's a good thing he hadn't. If he'd have called before we'd gone to the prison on Saturday.......

"I did a lot of thinking over the weekend," I started, leaning against the locker behind me. "Ironically, most of it was done in a prison."

I noticed Gino's eyes widen a little and he probably wanted to ask me what I was talking about. He would have if we were on good terms.

I guess he was still nervous around me.

"I guess it takes looking at someone else and their situation for you to realize that you can just shut someone out," I started, looking over at him. "If you wanna change, I should be willing to give you that chance."

Gino just stared at me.

He no longer looked nervous.

In fact, he didn't look anything. I couldn't actually tell what he was thinking.

"I've been thinking too," he started. "And I guess....well I just keep asking myself, what if I ruin things again? What it I don't want to be friends with you again so that I won't have to hurt you again?"

I guess he had a valid point and it was shocking to see how considerate he was being of my feelings.

I guess it was kinda proof that he was trying to change.

Wanted to change.

"It's not like you're to blame for everything," I replied. "I hurt you, I know. Because you wanted to be with me but I couldn't give myself to you."

"Yeah....and I thought it was because I was in love with you...but now I don't know what the reason was......"

I didn't either.

I guess because everything was out and in the open, we were both having trouble trying to get to the bottom of what our one biggest problem actually was.

The problem was that we didn't have a problem.

Anymore.

"So I guess I'm gonna have to prove to you that you can trust me again huh?" Gino said.

Maybe.

But I had a feeling that this new beginning or whatever it was, was also the emergence of a new Gino.

A better one.

One that I was really going to be able to love and trust as much as I did the rest of my friends.

And I liked that feeling.

"Could we do it over popcorn and that Heat Guy J marathon on Saturday?" I asked, smiling while poking Gino playfully.

"Flatscreen's all ready," Gino replied, smiling back.

I liked not feeling nervous around him anymore.

I guess me feeling like I had a lot of stuff to talk about with Gino was keeping me from hearing what he had to say. What he really had to say.

"Wow...Brandon, Gino.....together...." Ryan spoke, upon seeing us together.

It was long after that did the rest of my friends start showing up.

"Because a red cap and gown won't go well with what I picked out two weeks ago to wear under it," I heard Michelle complain, as usual.

"Why don't you just go naked underneath?" Alex asked. "That's what I'm doing."

"The gowns are rentals remember?" Michelle spoke. "I prefer to keep all the semen and crabs that has to be on those gowns off of me."

"God, where is your mind Michelle?" Vanessa spoke.

"Completely in the gutter," Krystal replied.

"I'm still trying to figure out who's idea it was to switch the gown colors," Michelle replied. "Was it Alicia? That seems like something an evil whore would do."

I guess when it got quiet was when everyone else finally noticed that Gino was also a part of the group.

"Oh....uh, Gino," Michelle started.

"I'll go," Gino started, shutting his locker.

I looked around at everyone who was silent not really looking at anything in particular.

I may have been okay with Gino now, but that didn't mean everyone else was. There was nothing I could do about the rest of them, really.

"No, Gino wait....I was wondering if you could say a few words for my commentary section of my speech," Jade spoke up, stopping Gino as he turned to leave.

Gino turned back around and looked at me before smiling and dropping his books.

"I may be able to scrape a sentence or two together," he replied, with a grin.

And with that a few side conversations started.

It seemed like we were all back and everything was perfect now.

Or at least, everything would be perfect.

At least it wouldn't be like it had been before.

And at least we were all safe and happy now.

The only thing left for us to do now was to just graduate!

I guess I hadn't stopped to think about what having 859 graduating seniors meant for graduation.

I was worried when I thought I was gonna have to sit through every last name just to get to mine and all my friends.

Adam was the most worried, with his last name being Ventura.

But when I heard the way they were doing it, I was happy.

They were going to have us enter from four different sides, so four of us would be getting diplomas at a time.

There would be a giant screen above all four sides that would display our name just in case someone's granny didn't hear their grandchild's name get called.

We'd all meet up at the middle, then end up coming off the opposite side we started on to get back to our seats in front of the stage.

It all seemed highly organized and I knew I didn't have anything to worry about with Krystal being one of the people who'd planned graduation.

Of course, we still had to wait for the speakers to go, but I didn't mind because Jade was one of those people.

Of course, the person on stage right now was someone that Michelle didn't have a problem voicing her distaste for.

"God, who does she think she is Kelly Ripa on a Friday?" Michelle mumbled as we all sat listening to Alicia's speech.

So that was Alicia huh? Never really saw the girl.

Michelle was right though, it did look like she's had some work done on her nose.

"Michelle, she's almost done," I spoke.

She may have been my friend, but why the hell couldn't we have been sitting in alphabetically order now too? She had something to say about everything, especially Alicia.

"I was gonna buy those shoe's she's wearing," Michelle whispered. "Until I realized they looked like shoes `a hooker would wear. I guess I was right."

I was thankful when everyone started clapping, which drowned out something else Michelle had started to complain about.

"Oh, Jade's up next," Michelle spoke.

Finally something positive.

Jade waited for the clapping to die down before she started.

"I racked my brain trying to come up with something interesting to say to you all tonight," Jade started. "I even got my friends to help me."

"She would have been so lost without me," Michelle whispered.

"But in the end, I realized that there was nothing I could say to this graduating class that they hadn't heard or experienced already."

Jade was such a great public speaker.

"We all went to school for different reasons, but we graduated for the same one," Jade continued.

I looked around to see if I could see Adam.

He looked so cute. I picked out the perfect outfit for him. He didn't want to wear the pink tie I'd picked out but I found a way to convince him to wear it.

Everyone looked nice actually.

Even Vanessa looked nice, and I could say that happily now that the two of us were finally getting along.

And of course Gino looked nice as well.

I spotted Sam sitting with a few of his friends. I noticed Sam seemed to be glaring at Gino. I didn't like the feeling I got from the look, but I did my best to ignore it.

I was probably focused on it too long because the next thing I knew, the audience was clapping.

"She used my quotes, great speech," Michelle spoke, over the clapping.

"And now, we shall begin the official commencement," came the words of our principal over the microphone.

I knew what to do once I heard those words.

I was going to be crossing the stage from the first far left, so first I had to go there, then I had to find the seat with my name on it, where it should have been in alphabetical order.

We were all told to be quiet as we got into our groups but of course no one was.

"I hear there's cookies and stuff backstage," Alex spoke as he and I walked to our groups.

"You would be thinking about food right now," I joked as we parted ways and I made my way over to my own group.

Things were a little hectic and confusing, but we'd rehearsed for this all day yesterday, so I pretty much knew what I was doing. And I would have thought that everyone else would as well.

"Like a flood they were!" I heard Chris say as he passed me.

I just laughed as I continued over to my area.

As I was going, I noticed Sam and his friends pass by me really quickly and rush towards the outer edge of the backstage.

If I hadn't known they were they were up to something before, I was certainly starting to realize it now.

It just didn't seem to me like Sam was completely over whatever Gino had told him, and I knew Gino had told him because he told me he had.

But as to what was going on......

"Hey," Jade spoke, joining me at my side as we walked over to our group.

"Hey...great speech," I spoke, nudging her arm.

"Eh, it'll do," Jade replied.

I still couldn't take my eyes of the highly suspicious looking Sam and his friends.

I looked for Gino, but I couldn't see him.

"Hmmmm," I mumbled aloud.

I'd experienced enough to know by now when something was going

Gino was feeling happy. He was about to graduate.

His friends were happy. He was happy.

Everything was perfect.

"Evening, Gino," Frank spoke, putting his arm around Gino's shoulders. "What do you say we have a nice little chat, huh?"

"What....we're about to graduate-"

"Let's see, Liongson, Ritter....we have some time," Frank replied.

Gino didn't know what was going on but he could clearly see that Frank was leading him somewhere.

He wasn't stupid though.

He knew that Frank was one of Sam's good friends.

The only thing was, he didn't know what Frank wanted with him other than to chew him out for using Sam.

Gino wasn't afraid though.

He just let Frank lead him to the area right outside the stage he was supposed to be taking his seat at.

Upon getting outside, he clearly noticed that he now how a reason to be worried.

Standing in a large group were about ten of the schools most popular guys, who all just so happened to be Sam's friends, who was standing in the front of the big group.

"What's going on?" Gino asked.

Frank just pushed Gino aside as he went to go join Sam and everyone else in the group.

Gino knew he could take any one of the guys on if they were by themselves. But together, as a big group?

"You know.....I realize now that it was completely my fault for getting involved with you again after you did what you did to me the first time," Sam started.

"Sam-"

"But, that doesn't mean I'm not still pissed the fuck off!" Sam growled.

Gino couldn't really believe that this was happening.

They were supposed to all be waiting to hear their names so they could graduate, although Gino did find it interesting how Sam managed to gather people who's last names started with some of the last few letters of the alphabet.

"Sam...why're you doing this?"

"Gee I don't know, Gino," Sam started, walking towards Gino.

Gino watched as all the guys started to get into a circle around Gino.

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe you hurt me? Badly?"

"I know that Sam, and all I can do is apologize for that and hope that you can forgive me one day."

"Tried. Can't do it," Sam started, pursing his lips. "But what I can do is make you hurt as badly as I did."

Gino noticed everyone getting closer.

"Don't do this Sam," Gino pleaded.

"You did it to me first," Sam sighed, before grabbing Gino's gown and pulling him back ready to punch him.

"Stop!" I shouted, taking notice of what was going on.

I knew something was happening and this proved it.

"Yeah? And who's gonna make me?" Sam asked, still starting at Gino.

"Us," Alex growled, standing next to Chris.

Just in case....

Sam looked past Gino and over at me.

"Twelve against four....I'd say that's strike one, two AND three," Sam spoke.

"Wanna try again, jackass?" Chris said, moving back a little.

I guess Sam also hadn't noticed that the spotlight was on him.

The proverbial spotlight, not an actual spotlight.

Because we just couldn't start commencement without everyone, I made sure of that, with a little help with Chris and Alex.

So now, everyone that could see us in the stadium, was watching, waiting.

"I think you boys all better have a seat," our principal spoke, pushing Sam and his friends towards their sections. "You two Mr. Jameson, Mr. Rodriguez."

"No fight? I was told these babies could knock a guy three ways to Mexico," Chris spoke holding up his fists.

"Says who?" Alex asked, smiling.

I guess they were cool now.

I made sure of that too.

Because I didn't want to start what was going to be the rest of my life with everyone upset and angry.

"Alright Mr. Murphy...come on now guys, let's get this show on the road," our principal spoke.

Yes, it was about time we start things problem free.

"Anybody seen my cap?" Michelle asked, looking around. "They charge you like twenty something dollars if you lose it."

"That's why you should have just thrown it up like two feet and caught it again, like me," Ryan replied.

"I'm sorry...how'd you graduate again?" Michelle spoke.

"Hey, congrats," Stephen spoke, hugging Jade. "Pretty soon I can start telling people I'm dating a college babe."

"Yes and when they don't believe you, you can just start your own group of sometimes straight, mostly gay friends and date the cutest one," Michelle spoke.

"God, can you believe we just graduated from high school?" Krystal asked.

"Well I guess I'm just trying to figure out how half these people made it past fifth grade," Michelle spoke. "Speaking of someone still stuck on the retard bus school...Alicia hey, great speech," Michelle spoke.

"Thanks....your hair...it's nice," Alicia replied. "If you're going for that weird Marissa from the O.C. look."

"Are you trying to say I'm a skinny anorexic transvestite?" Michelle spoke through gritted teeth.

"Well when you finish my thoughts for me...." Alicia spoke walking off.

"Oh that bitch is so going down," Michelle spoke, going after her.

"Look at her, just graduated and is still the same high school Michelle," Krystal replied.

"Makes me a little worried to see how she'll be to room with we get to UNT," Vanessa added.

"I guess we should find our parents," Adam spoke putting his arm around.

"Eh, let em wait," Alex spoke. "I got the munchies."

"When do you NOT have the munchies?" Chris asked.

"That's one!" Alex joked.

"Hey..." Gino started, approaching me.

"Hey....that was great huh?"

"Yeah...single most exhilarating most interesting moment of my teenage life," Gino replied. "Especially that part where they messed up Sam's name. That was great."

"So did you hear? We're all going to the same school," I spoke.

"Yeah, apparently I'm now apart of the collective we you speak of," Gino replied.

"Which is perfect because now I get to see how the whole Alicia versus Michelle feud goes."

"Should be interesting," Gino laughed.

It was funny. I'd known these people. Some most of my life. Some two years. Some less than that.

But I'd never felt more comfortable...more at ease...with them all then I did now.

Maybe it was because I knew there weren't any secrets between us all now.

Or maybe it was because I could sense that all the adventures....all the things that I never knew could happen to a random group of high school teenagers...were behind us now.

We'd been through everything. So if, and I was using the term loosely, if we happened to encounter some new incredibly random and or dangerous situation, we'd at least be slightly prepared.

And hey, at least we all knew all there was to know about guns.

"Hey, everyone's bailing out on the folks and heading down to Denny's for a brunch dinnery thing," Chris spoke. "You two coming?"

I looked over at Gino.

I had everything. Great parents that accepted me for who I was. A great boyfriend who I knew I'd be spending the rest of my life with. And great friends, who even though we'd seen everything together, I knew would always be my friends.

The rest of the world was out there waiting for us now . Filled with all kinds of opportunities.

Everything was perfect now. And that was exactly how it should have been.

"Yeah," I replied.

The Angst was all behind us now.

Yep, as you might have guessed, this is the final episode of Angst. Thanks to everyone who read.

Yahoo Group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JoJoPresents-GayFiction/ Comments?: crossingboi2004@yahoo.com

Copyright 2005