Angst

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not write about frank sexual situations, nor do I have any desire to.

This is a story about teen love and discovery. Still though, it is a gay work of fiction.

If such work offends you or you are not old enough to read in your area, then do not continue reading.

Please do not copy and paste onto another website without emailing me first. In most cases I'd be glad to

Angst Episode 36 "The Yesterday"

I had a list. A list of all the things that I remembered since my accident. And what I realized was that I...remembered nothing. Absolutely nothing. And that bothered me. So much so, that I wanted to change it.

Adam was the one who decided I should create the list. It was funny too, because that was the first thing he suggested to me once I got a chance to see him.

After he woke up.

It was quiet. It had been quiet all night. The doctors weren't telling us much.

Then again, I guess that was for our benefit. I'm sure the last thing they wanted to do was give us all bad news. Which is probably why they'd decided no news is good news unless they had news at all.

Still, all the waiting was definitely hard to do.

"You kids should probably go down to the cafeteria and see what kind of food they have there seeing as how none of you really got to eat anything," my dad spoke.

The last thing any of us were thinking about was food. I know I wasn't. If I was hungry before, I most certainly was no longer hungry now. Not after what happened.

"Dad, I wanna stay here," I replied. "For when-"

"You've all been sitting here for four hours," Gino's dad spoke up. "You should check out the caf. Do a little walking."

I was feeling a little cramped, but I figured that pain was nothing compared to the pain I knew Adam had to be in. Compared to the pain I was in, worrying about him.

"Dad-"

"Gino just go. One of us'll come get you if there's any change in his condition," Gino's father spoke.

I looked over at Gino, who seemed to be relenting.

"Well I kinda am hungry," Michelle spoke, standing up.

Leave it to her ass........

Jade, who was next to Michelle was the next one to stand up followed by Krystal and Vanessa.

"Come on man, I'm kinda thirsty," Alex spoke, nudging my arm before standing up as well.

Gino and I exchanged glances before standing up as well.

"Come on Ryan," I said, looking back at him.

It suddenly hit me that we were a pretty large group of people. 8 teenagers, and then there was everyone's parents.

We probably would do best to leave as it already didn't look good to be such a large group in hospital. And as long as someone would definitely come get me when Adam........

"Let's go get some air," Jade spoke, as she wrapped her arm with mine, Michelle taking the other side as well.

They were comforting me and for some reason, I thought about who was supposed to be comforting Vanessa. Adam was her boyfriend after all.

It was weird how all of a sudden I could have so much sympathy for the girl who managed to take Adam's mind off of me so much, that he decided to go back to women.

Jade, Michelle, and I walked slowly down the hallway while Michelle rested her head on my shoulder.

"It's not your fault you know," she spoke. "Stop looking so guilty."

"Yeah, but there had to be something I could do," I said. "Gino and Adam defended me with what could have been their lives while I just stood there like some....."

Obviously I was feeling more than my fair share of guilt.

"I wonder what's gonna happen to Adam's family now," Jade spoke aloud.

"Well isn't it obvious?" Michelle said, lifting her head off my shoulder and looking over at Jade. "His mom is gonna divorce his sorry ass father and he'll probably go to jail."

"Adam wouldn't press charges on his own father if it was an accident right?" Jade asked.

"I would. And I don't think it matters. His mom probably will," Michelle replied.

Divorce. Pressing charges.

Very unhappy things to think about. And to think that they were both things that Adam was going to have to deal with now.

"We all knew Adam's father was a psycho we just never thought he'd actually go psycho," Michelle spoke, as we exited the hospital and walked out into the outer lobby near the parking lot.

On top of thinking about what happened to Adam and what he had to go through, and what guilt I felt about it all, even who was supposed to be helping Vanessa with her pain, I still had something else to think about.

The fact that Gino was gay.

Gino had pretty much avoided me after Adam was shot. And I wasn't going out of my way to try and speak to him either.

I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe part of me knew before that he was gay. Then there was the other part of me that was wondering why he or no one else ever told me that he was gay.

I mean, Gino knew I was gay. But yet, he didn't trust me enough to tell me his own secret. And when he did........

Jade and Michelle led me over to a bench that sat right in front of a row of bushes and sat me down, them sitting on either side of me.

"Adam's lucky that the bullet only grazed his arm," Michelle replied. "And since that's all that happened, he should recover in no time."

"Then why isn't he up yet?" I asked, standing up and beginning to pace with annoyance.

If the bullet gazed his arm, a simple little stitch up was ll that was required and then he could tell me himself he was alright and that we could all leave and stop worrying about him.

"He didn't just get hit with a bullet, you know that Brandon," Jade said, a soothingly as possible.

Yeah, I did know.

Adam also suffered a concussion from hitting the ground so hard. That was the reason why he was still unconscious. But I just wanted him to be okay.

"Now I see what you guys had to go through waiting all those weeks in the hospital for me to wake up," I sighed.

I really hoped that it wouldn't take Adam weeks to wake up. Sure I'd gladly wait every day by his side for him to wake up. But I didn't want what happened to me once I woke up from such a long sleep to happen to him.

He meant too much to me.

"This hasn't exactly turned out to be the year you were hoping for, has it Michelle?" I asked, taking a seat back on the bench.

"It hasn't been the perfect year for any of us," Michelle sighed.

"Yeah well I say we bring on two thousand six already," Alex mumbled.

The atmosphere surrounding all of us was unbelievably gloomy. None of us were all that happy before the accident, and now....things were worse.

I was starting to think that maybe it was just me. Maybe I was some sort of bad luck curse. After all, everyone lived perfectly normal days and nights before I became the focus of everyones lives. And then the fights, accidental deaths, near rapes, and kidnapping became our lives.

Maybe if I was taken out of the picture............

I couldn't tell my friends about my feelings. If anything, it would probably make things worse. And that was the last thing I wanted to do. Make things worse.

"I just....I still can't wrap my mind around what happened," I found myself saying out loud. "Adam's own father shot him. Shot him because......."

I didn't feel like talking about it anymore. I didn't feel like thinking about it anymore. I just wanted to talk to Adam!

"Dad!" Gino spoke, jumping up.

I turned to see Gino's father exiting the hospital and heading towards us, and stood up as he did.

"What's going on? Is Adam up?" Gino asked.

"He's awake-"

"Oh thank god!" I exclaimed.

"Well come on, let's go see him," Gino spoke, heading towards the door.

"Gino...he only wants to see......he only wants to see you Brandon," Gino's father spoke, turning to me.

"Me?" I said.

I could feel everyones eyes on me, especially Vanessa's. But I didn't care. Adam needed me and I was going to do whatever he wanted.

"Uh...okay...." Gino spoke, looking back towards the parking lot. "I guess the rest of us'll just wait out here....."

"Go ahead, Brandon," Gino's father spoke.

For some reason, I found myself looking back at Vanessa. She had a completely crushed look on her face, but there was more to it than that. But I didn't have time to sit and dwell on it as I had to attend to Adam.

I left the group of my friends and headed for Adam's room.

As I did, I felt a bit nervous all of a sudden. Adam wanted me. And only me. Not his mom. Not his girlfriend. But me.

And I was nervous as to why. Excited, but nervous.

When I reached his room, I saw his mother sitting on the side of his bed holding his hand.

Part of me didn't want to interrupt, but Adam did ask for me. So I knocked on the open door, standing to the side.

Adam's mother looked back at me and smiled. It looked like she'd been crying. But I noticed that she also looked happier than before, so they were probably tears of joy.

"I'll be right outside talking with the others, okay Adam?"

"Mom, I'm okay, I keep telling you that," Adam said.

Adam's mom smiled before getting up and heading for the door.

"Take care of him for me," she said as she passed me and walked out the door, shutting it behind her.

I looked over at Adam as I placed my hands into my pockets.

"Hey," I said, flashing Adam a sheepish grin.

"Hey," Adam smiled, sitting up.

I walked over to the side of his bed and sat in the chair next to it, pulling it closer to him.

"So, how do you feel?" I asked.

"Well, let's just say that I'm glad football season is over," Adam replied.

"I can't tell you how glad I am you're okay," I started. "I mean, if anything would have happened to you...."

"Hey, it's okay," Adam spoke, taking my hand into his. "I'm fine."

I felt a little embarrassed to be getting all teary eyed. I mean, I cried when we first got here. The tears should have been gone by now.

I guess it was just all starting to hit me that I could have lost everything. Because Adam was my entire world now. A part of me would have died if he......

"The doctors say I can leave first thing tomorrow morning, which is perfect because I have a lot of stuff I have to get done-"

"No Adam, you have to rest," I said. "I'll help you with whatever you have to do."

I must have said something that made Adam think because he just stared at me with this thoughtful expression.

"What?" I asked, smiling a little.

"It's just....well you wanna help me when all that happened to me was a few stitches to the arm and a lot of painkillers...but you...you lost sixteen years of your life," Adam replied.

I shuffled uncomfortably in my seat.

I was completely aware of that, but now wasn't the time to be thinking about me. Not after what happened tonight.

"Adam-"

"Look, I know that a lot has happened since the day you woke up from the coma.....but that doesn't change the way I feel about you."

I stared at Adam with a baffled gaze.

"I never stopped loving you," he replied. "I tried, but I couldn't. And Vanessa helped me take my mind off of you, but I can't just forget my feelings-"

"So why are you telling me this?" I asked.

"Because I can't feel good about myself and my feelings for you if you don't remember the feelings you have for me-"

"But Adam-"

"I know. I know how you feel about me now, but our love...it's deeper than that and it goes all the way back to the beginning of last year," Adam replied.

I looked away from Adam as I thought about what he was saying.

"I don't...remember any of that."

"I know. Which is why I wanna help you."

I looked back up at him.

"Help me?"

"Yeah....I mean," Adam started, shuffling to get a little more comfortable. "In order to remember our past, you have to keep track of all the things you actually remember."

"What like a list or something?"

"Sure," Adam replied. "It's a start."

I was a bit confused as to why Adam wanted this. There was no doubt that he was acting like he saw things more clearly.

I don't know, maybe it was the painkillers.

But I liked what he was saying. If he was talking about the two of us getting back together, then I was all for that. And I was willing to make this list he was talking about. Willing to keep track of all the things I remembered.

"I'm gonna help you get your memory back," Adam spoke.

I smiled at him. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to remember everything else. But my love for Adam and our old memories were things that I definitely wanted to remember.

"Now, where are those idiot friends of ours?" Adam smiled.

"I'll go get em," I replied standing up. "And....your girlfriend."

Adam's cheery look faded slightly. It wasn't like he didn't already know that he still had her to deal with. And I knew that he had feelings for me but he didn't exactly say that we were going to be getting back together any time soon.

"Yeah.." Adam said, looking down.

And suddenly, we were back to reality.

"Oh god, he's wearing a plain old arm sling," Michelle mumbled as Adam approached the group of us.

"What's wrong with that?" I asked.

"Please, accessorize whenever possible," Michelle replied.

"He's a guy Michelle," Alex spoke. "A straight one at that."

"Hey guys," Adam greeted us.

I walked over to him.

"Hey, how uh..how are you?" I asked.

"I'm good," Adam replied.

Shot on Saturday, back at school on Monday. Then again, Adam did keep insisting that he was fine and I just had to take his word for it. Although, his mom did give him shit about wanting to come to school after the whole thing so soon, but Adam was just as stubborn as ever.

I would have talked to Adam some more but looking behind him, I could see Vanessa and Krystal approaching us.

"Uh..."

Adam looked into my eyes to see that I was staring behind him and turned around.

"Hey," Vanessa said, as she hugged Adam gently.

"Hey," Adam replied, sounding a bit uneven.

"Okay, so Krystal, please tell me you agree that Adam's plain sash is like so clashing with....everything," Michelle spoke.

"Michelle you just worry about...whatever it is you worry about and shut up," Alex spoke.

"Can I talk to you?" Vanessa asked.

Adam looked back at me before turning back to Vanessa.

"Uh, sure," he replied, allowing himself to be led away by his girlfriend.

"So where's Gino?" Jade asked.

"Have no idea," Michelle replied. "But I can bet you he cares about accessorizing."

"Right, because unlike Adam, he actually IS gay," Alex replied.

That was something else I had to think about now every time I saw Gino. The fact that he was gay and in love with me. That was going to be a bit of a problem if I ever did get back with Adam.

Hopefully Gino would be able to handle it well enough.

"Okay so I guess I should go find my counselor and talk to her about sending out my transcripts," Michelle replied.

When Michelle said 'I' she really meant 'we' and dragged Krystal and Jade along with her.

"Girls, always traveling in packs," Alex mumbled.

"Like little rats," I joked.

"So interesting weekend huh?" Alex sighed, placing his back onto the row of lockers behind him.

"Yeah," I replied. "You know Adam wants to help me get my memory back."

"Really?" Alex asked, sounding surprised.

"Yeah....it's complicated," I replied. "I have a list!"

"Really? And what's on this so called list of yours?" Alex asked.

"Well it's supposed to be everything that I remember since waking up from my coma," I replied.

"But?"

I turned a little to face Alex.

"It's just...I don't exactly know what I remember."

I had feelings. That's what I remembered. I remembered feelings. Not memories.

But Adam was going to help me. And I believed that with his help, I would get my memory back.

"Well what about Gino?" Alex asked, suddenly sounding too serious for comfort.

He'd jumped off of the lockers and crossed his arms, staring at me with an overbearing look.

"What about him?" I asked.

"Well he's in love with you. And Adam has a girlfriend."

"I know all that Alex but-"

"You're hoping that you and Adam get back together aren't you?"

I looked away from Alex. He was really intimidating right now.

"What... I don't.....no, of course not."

Alex uncrossed his arms and sighed with frustration.

"I'm your best friend. I've known you practically all your life. Don't you think I know when you're lying?"

I looked back at Alex.

"And so what if I want to get back with Adam. You know how I feel about him!"

"No, I know how you felt. And I know how you pushed him away when he wanted to be with you before-"

"That was......."

"What?"

I sighed.

"Look, I can't say why I didn't wanna be with Adam before, but I do now!"

Alex's stern look softened a bit as he looked into my eyes.

"He has a girlfriend," he spoke. "Don't do to Vanessa what Michelle and Ryan did to him."

Even though I wanted to disagree with my best friend, I couldn't deny that everything he was saying was true.

I had no one to blame but myself for the reason why Adam and I weren't together right now. And I had to admit, it was selfish of me to feel like I needed Adam when back when he felt like he needed me, I wouldn't give him a chance.

"You're right," I sighed, looking back up at Alex.

"Of course I am," Alex replied. "Aren't I always?"

"Don't push it," I joked, pushing Alex gently.

"So what now?" he asked.

"Well I have to go and find Stephen," I replied. "I suppose he's gonna wanna know why I didn't finish my article like I promised I would."

"Alright then," Alex replied. "I guess I'll go look around for Gino or something."

I left Alex in route for the journalism room. On the way I passed Chris, who tried to stop me but I ignored him and kept walking. I wasn't in any mood to talk to him just yet and if I tried so soon, after what had happened on Saturday, then I wouldn't be thinking with a level head and Chris and I would break things off for sure.

"My most talented crowing achievement was allowing you to be the heir to the Grapevine thrown!" Stephen spoke, as I entered the room. "What with your amazing ability to captivate auidiences everywhere."

"You might wanna hold off on the praise," I said, walking over to his desk and sitting on the edge of it.

"Oh god, don't tell me-"

"Look, something came up-"

"I'm printing today Brandon. Today!" Stephen sighed.

"Look I'm sorry alright. Things got out of hand over the weekend and-"

"Not good enough. I have half a mind to fire you!"

I flashed Stephen a skeptical glare.

"I'm on payroll now?"

Stephen sighed with annoyance and stood up, beginning to pace around his desk.

"So you just make something up. Doesn't have to be true, but just as long as it's interesting-"

"Stephen-"

"Or maybe you could kill someone and write about that-"

"Stephen!"

"What?"

Stephen stopped walking and stared at me directly.

"I'm sorry that you've had to delay the paper so much because of me...but I promise you, if you give me some time, give the school some time, and you'll have your scandal," I replied.

Stephen sighed and stared at me for a while before he walked back over to his seat and sat down.

"Fine," he replied. "I hope you're right on this one. There's a reason why the newspaper gets more funding than the basketball and baseball teams combined."

"Really? We do?" I asked.

"Well it's just cuz they both suck. The football team, now that's some serious funding. I think we're talking millions of dollars there."

Well that was no surprise. Our football team had won the state championships every year for sixteen years.

Stephen placed his hands behind his head and sat back in his chair.

"So what exactly did happen this weekend?"

I sighed as I thought about it. Part of me felt like not telling Stephen. After all, he was a journalist desperate for something to write about and it really didn't concern the school what happened to Adam, even if they could tell something had indeed happened from the arm sling.

But I knew Stephen wouldn't do something like that. He was my friend.

"Adam...well, a lot happened. But the short end of it is, I spent a lot of time in the hospital over the weekend," I replied.

"Comforting the damaged Adam," Stephen spoke slyly. "Just what you wanted right?"

"I can't lie and say it wasn't nice," I replied.

"I understand," Stephen replied. "I mean, it's gotta be nice having that special someone in your life."

"And what, you don't have that with Jade?"

"Hey I told you-"

"Yeah yeah, that you can't stand her," I smiled.

Anyone with a working pair of eyes could see there was some major attraction going on between the two. But I wasn't gonna push it. Not when Stephen was this passionate about denying the truth.

"But yeah, it is nice to know that you've already found the person you wanna spend the rest of your life with."

Of course, I was saying that knowing Adam was with Vanessa. But he admitted his feelings for me. Now it all depended on the strength of their relationship.

Chris had to admit to himself, that he was really bummed that Brandon hadn't stopped to talk to him. But he couldn't let that ruin his day. After all, his life didn't revolve around him. He had other friends. Better friends.

But whatever lies he told himself, were nothing compared with the truth. The truth was he had acquaintances. Brandon was the one with real friends, even if the one he was staring at right now, was the last person on Earth he wanted Brandon to be friends with.

"Like what you see?" Alex asked, noticing that Chris was staring at him.

"Absolutely. What do you say the two of us-"

"Back the fuck up," Alex spoke, opening his locker.

Chris smirked and decided that he was just pissed enough to stick around.

"What?" Alex asked.

"I don't know, you tell me what," he replied, leaning on the row of lockers next to Alex.

"Well I guess this is what you do now that you don't have any friends," Alex replied. "Bother people who do."

"Oh but Alex, remember when-"

"Don't!" Alex spoke firmly.

Chris chuckled and looked out at the passing students in the hall before turning his attention back to Alex.

"We used to be friends you know-"

"I said don't-"

"What it's not like it's some big secret," Chris continued.

Alex sighed with annoyance and just stared into his locker.

"Oh that's right, it is. Along with everything else you haven't told him-"

"And I never will," Alex replied. "I don't have to anyway. He's not friends with you anymore."

"Yeah, well we'll see about that," Chris replied, turning to walk off but Alex grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"No. You stay the hell away from Brandon or-"

"Or else what?" Chris asked, staring into Alex's eyes.

Alex gritted his teeth as he stared at Chris.

"You know, honesty really is the best policy," Chris replied, shaking himself free of Alex's grip. "We really should get everything out in the open."

Chris didn't allow Alex to object because with a coy smirk, he left him at his locker, walking off.

"Uh...what...the-"

"What?" Michelle asked, placing another movie into the basket on her kitchen table.

"What do you mean what? Michelle!" Jade exclaimed.

"It's a porn bowl," Michelle replied. " I mean, obviously, Adam can't have sex with that arm the way it is, but he does have all the time in the world to get off while he recovers."

"God, can you be any more cynical?" Jade mumbled.

"Probably, if I knew what that meant," Michelle replied.

A few moments later, the two girls were joined by Krystal and Vanessa who each walked through the front door of Michelle's house.

"Oh my god-"

"Don't ask," Jade spoke.

"Hey where's Adam? I wanted to give him this," Michelle replied.

"He's with Brandon," Vanessa replied, having a seat next to Jade.

"Really?" Michelle asked, subtle undertones in her voice.

"Adam told me that he wants to help Brandon get his memory back," Vanessa replied.

"And you're okay with that?" Michelle asked.

Vanessa sighed and bit her bottom lip gently.

"There's nothing wrong with Adam wanting to help his friend get his memory back," Vanessa replied.

"Yeah but for how long?" Michelle asked.

"What?"

"I mean how long do you think its gonna take? Days? Weeks? Months?"

"I don't know," Vanessa replied.

The truth was, she wasn't altogether comfortable with the idea of Adam and Brandon spending so much time together. But what kind of girlfriend would she look like to deny Adam from trying to help a guy who lost his memory after being kidnapped and dumped in a river?

"Well, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about," Michelle replied, repeating her famous line. "And in the meantime, Adam can use this basket for his sexual needs."

"Why do you have a basket full of...lesbian, straight, and gay porn on the table Michelle?" Krystal asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" Michelle asked.

Krystal and Jade exchanged glances.

"Where are your parents during times like this?" Krystal asked. "How come we never see them? Hear about them?"

Michelle put on a coy smile as she placed another porno movie into the basket.

"Okay....you can open your eyes now," Adam spoke, taking his hands from my face.

I waited a few seconds before I actually did, and when they were open, I was confused.

"Uh...Adam...why are we here?" I asked.

We were outside somewhere that looked familiar. I at least knew we were still in Texas! But still....

"Well," Adam started, taking a seat next to me on the bench he'd sat me on. "This is where I saw you for the first time."

"What? Really?" I asked, looking around with more interest.

"Yeah. It was the fifth grade," Adam started. "We were on a science field trip. Every science class was here and you, Jade, and Alex had taken a rest under that tree over there."

I looked over in the direction Adam was pointing and saw the tree Adam was referring to. A large weeping willow near a small pond of sorts.

"A few of us started this water balloon fight and Alex joined in. Eventually Jade too because...well Michelle threw one at her,"

"Why am I not surprised," I said.

"But you didn't. You were always so shy. And things started getting more hectic and I needed somewhere to hide so I joined you under the tree."

I thought about what Adam was saying. The two of us, alone together under a tree. But he was talking fifth grade. It was my understanding that we didn't get together until last year. So why did he wait so long to get together with me?

"I mean, we didn't talk or anything. And I don't know if you really paid any attention to me but-"

"I did."

Adam stopped talking and looked at me with an shocked look.

"What.."

"I mean...I remember that," I replied.

For some reason, I actually remembered that!

I remember Adam sneaking up behind me. Or at least I thought he was. I thought that he was going to throw a balloon at me so I moved around to the other side of the tree and spied on him. I didn't know he could still see me though.

"It was red. The water balloon in your hand was red," I spoke. "I remember because Alex had on that red Nike shirt he loved wearing so much."

"Oh my god, Brandon!" Adam spoke excitedly. He moved closer to me and turned to his side to face me. "What else do you remember."

I looked back at the tree and tried to think. But it was weird. My memory was like this thick foggy haze of crap that I could feel but not see or remember. But just now, the haze surrounding this place, that day...that memory.....it lifted temporarily. And for a few moments I could actually remember. Not just feel things. But actually remember.

Only now...it was like the haze surrounding everything else was back. And all I could remember was what I just had, nothing more.

"I don't know...that's all I guess," I sighed.

"Well, it's good that you remembered anything at all!" Adam exclaimed.

I had to admit, remembering that one memory had given me hope. Hope that what Adam and I were setting out to do would accomplish the ultimate goal. Lifting the fog on all my memories.

"Come on," Adam spoke, standing up.

"Where are we going?" I asked, getting up as well.

Adam looked around.

"I don't know," he replied. "Somewhere. Anywhere. Let's just go."

I had to admit, Adam's excited behavior was making me feel so much more uplifting about everything. And the fact that I was starting to remember stuff helped some too. I just hoped that Adam and I accomplished what we had set out to do.

"My birthday's not for another two months, but for you papi, it can so be today."

"Well I think were gonna have to reschedule that," Chris replied. "Is your brother around?"

"Which one?"

"Alex?" Chris clarified.

"Oh, yeah. Don't tell me you came for his sorry ass," Alex's sister Tina asked.

"Friends visiting friends?" Chris tried.

"You look kind of familiar," Tina spoke, as she held the door open for Chris to walk in.

"I have a familiar look, I guess," Chris replied, placing his hands in his pockets.

"Alex, abajo, ahora!"

Chris looked around, silently wishing he had taken Spanish rather than Latin.

"You're cute," Tina spoke. "What grade are you in?"

"Uh....."

"You're really friends with Alex?"

"No!" Alex said sternly from the top of the stairs.

Both Chris and Tina looked up at him.

"Aye, el muchacho esta loco!" Tina mumbled before heading off into the the kitchen.

Alex glared at Chris from the top of stairs while Chris looked up at him with curious enthusiasm.

"Your sister's hot!" he spoke. "Much better looking without the braces."

"What the hell are you doing here you little-"

"Ah, why hello there."

Alex had been cut off by his mother, who had just come from the kitchen and noticed Chris.

"Why hello to you too," Chris spoke, turning on the charm. "You must be one of Alex's sisters too."

Alex's mother chuckled a bit.

"Such a charmer..."

"Christian. I'm one of Alex's friends-"

"Christian huh? Well you do look familiar....."

"I get that a lot," Chris replied. "As I'm sure you do when people tell you look like Jennifer Lopez."

"Jennifer Lopez? Really?"

"Hey, mom," Alex spoke, rushing down the stairs to try and put a stop to the train wreck waiting to happen.

"Hey sweetheart," Alex's mother spoke, kissing her son on the cheek. "I was just about to ask your friend here if he wanted to join us for dinner."

"Well actually, I think Chris was just leaving-"

"Oh but Alex, I only just got here," Chris replied. "I'd love to Mrs. Rodriguez."

Alex sighed with annoyance as he glared over at Chris.

"Oh my god, I swear to you if you pick that phone up one more time!" Michelle yelled.

"But he's not picking up," Vanessa replied. "I just want to-"

"Try number one million and one won't be any different Vanessa. Adam isn't answering his phone because he obviously doesn't wanna be bothered," Michelle replied. "The last thing you wanna look is desperate."

Krystal got up from her side of the couch and sat next to her cousin.

"It was never like this before," Vanessa replied.

"You're right Vanessa," Krystal replied. "Things may be complicated, but at least you're safe."

"Safe?" Michelle spoke. "What are you talking about?"

Krystal and Vanessa exchanged glances and before either girl had a chance to reply, the doorbell interrupted them.

"Expecting company, Michelle?" Jade asked.

"Oh well you know," Michelle replied, as she walked over to the front door and answered it.

"Are you Ms. Lewis?"

"I am," Michelle spoke, taking the signing parcel from the delivery man in front of her and signing her name.

"If you don't mind me asking, what's with all the boxes?" the delivery man asked, as he stepped aside, allowing the movers to move the boxes into Michelle's house.

"Awfully curious, aren't you?" Michelle replied, crossing her arms.

"Well-"

"It's stuff for a friend," Michelle replied.

"What a caring friend you are...Michelle," the guy spoke, reading her name of the signing parcel. "You know, if you want, maybe I could take you out sometime?"

Michelle chuckled to herself.

"Honestly, it's called a mirror. Find one, use it, and try again," Michelle replied walking over to the area where the boxes were being stacked.

"Uh, Michelle?.....boxes?" Jade spoke, standing behind Krystal.

"I thought Adam's new room could use a little sprucing up," Michelle replied.

"Michelle, what are you talking about?" Vanessa asked.

"Well you honestly can't expect Adam's parents to stay together after what happened can you?" Michelle spoke.

"You don't know what's gonna happen," Vanessa replied.

"Actually, I think I know Adam a lot better than you seem to," Michelle replied.

"Michelle!" Krystal exclaimed.

"Well it's obviously true," Michelle replied.

"Michelle, don't you think you're going a little overboard with all this stuff for Adam?" Jade asked.

Michelle walked over to Jade and stood dangerously close to her face.

"My ex boyfriend was shot, Jade. Shot!" Michelle replied. "Don't tell me I'm going overboard."

Krystal, Vanessa, and Jade all stared at Michelle, who actually looked worried about Adam.

In our quest to help me regain my memory, Adam and I had stopped inside somewhere to get something to eat.

Which was completely welcomed on both our parts, after having spent several hours jetting from place to place. But after Adam had spent all day worrying about me, I had come to worry about him.

For a guy who'd been shot by his own father just two days earlier, Adam had all but neglected talking about the entire incident and focused on me entirely. Even when he had first woken up at the hospital, he didn't even mention his father.

But it had to be at least brought up. Adam would go insane if he held it all in.

"So..." I started, putting my soda down on the table. "Shifting gears from me to you for a second........"

"Hey, do you remember that time when I-"

"Adam-"

"I swear, I had so much milk coming out of my nose-"

"Adam stop!"

Adam's fake little smile faded as he stared at me with frustration.

"We have to talk about what happened," I said, softly.

"I thought this was about helping you," Adam replied. "But if you don't want me to me to...."

Adam looked around the fast food place while I continued to stare at him.

It was obvious he didn't want to talk about things. But I figured, if anyone, he'd talk to me about it. If not before some force first.

I waited until Adam looked back at me and when he did, he sighed and looked down at his food.

I brought the subject up in hopes that Adam would start talking about it. So I wasn't going to push it if he didn't start discussing it with me.

"My mom's talking about a divorce," Adam started.

It wasn't surprising. Adam's father wasn't a great person before and shooting his own son was probably the final nail in his miserable little coffin.

"I never thought any of this shit would happen to me, you know?"

"None of us did," I replied.

Adam looked back up at me.

"My dad's gonna be in jail. I mean, imagine that. Him in jail for a few weeks while my mom and me....what?"

"I don't know."

Truth was, I never could imagine something like this could happen. And the fact that it had just proved that anything was possible in our lives.

"I'm not sure what's supposed to happen next. I mean, I hate my father. I never liked him and now.....I'm not even sure he ever loved me."

"I think he did," I replied. "I just think he has a lot of issues he needs to work out."

"If that's even possible."

I honestly believed that anyone could change, given a push in the right direction.

"So I guess you know about Gino now, huh," Adam replied, changing the subject.

"Yeah.." I spoke, rubbing my arm.

Now it was my turn to feel uncomfortable with the subject.

"Sorry I never told you," Adam replied. "I just...well none of us really thought it was our place..."

"I understand," I replied. "I just wish Gino had told me. I feel so stupid for not realizing it."

"No offense Brandon, but you're just blind when it comes to him. I mean, you saw John and got him right. But with Gino, the guy in front of you every day......"

Yeah. I knew all about that, which made me feel even worse. And what exactly was I supposed to do about Gino being in love with me? I mean, obviously I couldn't return the same feelings for him........

"I know you don't remember, but you were totally oblivious before too," Adam replied.

I thought for a moment.......

"A note...." I suddenly found myself saying.

Adam looked at me with confusion.

"Um..."

"Ryan and I. We read that Gino was gay in a note that he convinced me to steal from his locker. And then when I confronted him about it at the party, he got upset," I replied.

"Wait...so...do you-"

"Remember it? Yeah," I replied.

I remembered everything about that night!

"I was stupid then too," I replied.

"No Brandon..."

"Except, that's all I remember. Just that night..and a few other things," I replied.

"Nothing about us, huh?" Adam asked.

"Well..." I started.

There had been something on my mind that was bugging me.

"I've been meaning to ask...how things went when the school first found out we were gay," I replied. "I mean, I know it had to be hard for you being captain of the football team."

I knew that in our cases, Adam and I had got off lucky having our lives basically unchanged when it came to our sexualities and school. Adam was still popular and captain of the football team, and I hadn't lost any friends because of it.

Adam shifted in his seat a bit before responding.

"Well, things weren't easy for us at first," he said. "I mean, if we didn't have help from people like Alex and Jade, I don't think we would have made it."

I smiled upon hearing this bit of information.

"Plus you've seen how many people go to our school," Adam added. "I don't even think half of the people even know who we are!"

I guess. But......

I seemed to be remembering any and everything except my relationship with Adam and it was pissing me off!

"Come on, I think there's somewhere else we need to go," Adam spoke, standing up.

Things were going well. At this rate, I'd remember any and every great, stupid, embarrassing, sexy, fun, thing I'd ever experienced!

"So Christian, tell us about yourself? What do you like to do?" Alex's mother asked, as she passed Tina a bowl of spaghetti.

"Besides getting everyone around him in trouble," Alex mumbled.

"Alex, ya," Tina mumbled, edging her brother with her elbow.

"Well, I like to run," Chris replied.

"Really?" Alex's mother asked.

"Well I'm on the track team at school," Chris replied. "It takes up enough of my time."

"Ha!" Alex mumbled.

Alex's mother looked over at him.

"Well, I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to meet my husband or Alex's brothers," Alex's mom spoke. "They're all at some basketball game."

"That's alright," Chris replied. "Maybe another time then."

"Don't count on it," Alex mumbled.

"So," Alex's mother started. "You and Alex are friends huh?"

"No-"

"Actually," Chris started, cutting Alex off. "We go way back."

"Really?" Alex's mother replied. "It's a shame I haven't had a chance to meet you before today."

"Yeah well that's no ones fault," Chris said. "I moved a few years back, so I haven't really been around."

Alex and Chris glared at each other from across the table.

"More spaghetti, Christian?" Alex's mom asked.

"Oh no, I couldn't possibly keep anymore down," Chris replied.

"Well, I guess you did eat a lot," Alex's mother spoke.

"He'll eat you out of house and home," Alex mumbled.

"Alex, why don't you and your friend go to your room and talk while your sister and I take care of the kitchen," Alex's mother suggested.

"Sounds like a plan," Chris spoke standing.

"Chris didn't you say you had that thing you had to take care of?" Alex spoke, standing as well.

"After we talk, buddy," Chris spoke putting on a fake smile. "I'll be upstairs."

Alex watched angrily as Chris headed for the stairs and waited until he was sure he was up them before saying anything.

"Mom, what are you doing?" Alex asked.

Alex's mother stood up and picked up her and Chris's plate and headed for the sink, leaving Alex to follow behind her.

"What are you talking about sweetie?"

"You can't just invite people Tina decides to let in to stay for dinner!" Alex spoke.

"Nonsense, that boy has to be your friend. He looks so familiar," Alex's mother spoke.

She then turned to Tina and ordered her to get up and help her with the kitchen, saying it in Spanish.

"Mama! Por que yo?"

"Now Tina!" Alex's mother spoke, raising her voice.

Tina sighed and started clearing the table.

"Now Alex, I think you left your friend waiting upstairs."

Alex sighed. He knew better than to argue with his mother and decided he'd have to figure out some way to get rid of Chris, making it seem like he decided to leave on his own.

When he reached his room, Chris had taken off his coat, jacket, and shoes, and had made himself perfectly comfortable in his bed, facing the t.v. in front of it watching The Real World.

"Lesbians and fags. Now that's what I call real!" Chris said, not even turning to face Alex.

Alex walked into his room and shut the door. He grabbed the remote from Chris's hands and turned the television off.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Chris pretended to be offended that Alex had turned off the t.v. while turning to face him.

"Can't a guy stop by to visit an old friend?"

"What guy and what friend?" Alex asked, throwing Chris's legs from the bed and taking a seat on top of it.

"Please, I've been here before. Remember?" Chris spoke. "Only, the decor is different, obviously. No more pre slut Britney Spears posters."

"Is this about Brandon not talking to you anymore? What are you trying to get me to convince him to talk to you again?" Alex asked.

"I don't need you to help me do anything," Chris replied. "I've seen your brand of help and I can definitely live without it."

"Then what?"

Chris stared at Alex for the longest time before shaking his head slowly and getting up.

"I don't know why I came here, okay!" Chris replied, heading for his shoes. "I was...around...thinking...."

Alex watched as Chris started to put on his shoes.

"You weren't?"

"What? Gonna get drunk off my ass like before?"

Chris sighed and stopped for a moment.

"My life seems to be...a mess right now and I thought about how it used to be And who used to be in it," Chris replied, looking over at Alex.

Alex sighed and looked down.

"I'm sorry, okay," Alex replied. "You can't just come here and expect everything to be okay after you-"

"I know that. I know you can't forgive me for kissing you and I know you cant forgive me for telling Mercedes all those lies about you......"

Alex and Chris stared at each other in silence for a while, each thinking about their respective pasts before Chris started back with his shoes.

"But I get that it was a mistake to come here so I'm leaving. Just forget about it," Chris replied, heading for the door.

"Already have," Alex replied, watching as Chris left.

"Adam.....this is a bathroom....are we in the school?" I asked looking around.

"It helps to have an athletic pass," Adam replied.

Of all the places Adam had taken me today, this had to be the weirdest of them all. Honestly, a school bathroom?

"Don't tell me you and I used to...do...stuff in here," I spoke as carefully as possible.

Adam looked at me a gleam of hope in his eyes. I could instantly tell that it wasn't the place that was special, but the memory behind the place.

"What do you remember about this place?" Adam asked.

I looked around.

Right now I was thinking how insanely clean it was for a high school bathroom.

"That maybe I used to pee in here.....should I be remember anything?" I asked.

Adam walked over to me and stood so close to my face. I wasn't uncomfortable because I'd never mind being close to Adam. But after he just stood in my face for well over a few minutes, I stepped back, smiling sheepishly.

"Um...I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling," I spoke, not really looking Adam in the eyes.

"Well....let me show you," Adam spoke.

He moved back over to me and closed his eyes. He was leaning in closer to my face, my lips....

I closed my eyes and moved with him. The instant our lips touched, I could feel what Adam was talking about. Not only feel it but remember it too.

The kiss only lasted a few seconds, as I pulled back.

"This is where we had our first kiss," I replied.

"Exactly," Adam replied.

I looked around.

I remembered everything leading up to the moment where my lips first touched Adam's.

"I was worried about you wanting to fight Ryan," I started. "And after we kissed, you decided you didn't want to anymore."

"It wasn't just the kiss, it was the way I felt about you. The way I trusted you.." Adam replied.

"Now things are more complicated right? I mean...you're with Vanessa...."

"Yeah.. but Brandon-"

I backed away from Adam.

"We can't keep kissing behind her back," I replied. "It doesn't matter how much I want you...it's not right."

"Brandon-"

"I'm sorry, but that's just how I feel," I replied, looking away from Adam.

Adam looked down and things grew silent for a few moments before either of us responded.

"So what happens now?" he asked.

I honestly didn't know the answer to that question. Obviously neither did he. But where we went from here wasn't up to me. It was up to Adam. And whatever the hell he was willing to do about Vanessa.

If you have yet to check out my YahooGroup for whatever reason, now would be the perfect time to do so, as this coming Thursday I will be completely done with Angst. I plan on trying to get faster updates here in Nifty, but my group will have them all by Thursday. In case you're interested, the link is at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JoJoPresents-GayFiction/.

Or if you'd like to leave me feedback, you can do so by sending me an email directly at: crossingboi2004@yahoo.com.

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