Angst

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not write about frank sexual situations, nor do I have any desire to.

This is a story about teen love and discovery. Still though, it is a gay work of fiction.

If such work offends you or you are not old enough to read in your area, then do not continue reading.

Please do not copy and paste onto another website without emailing me first. In most cases I'd be glad to let you post on another site, as long as you ask first!

For the past three weeks, I had hated life.

None of my friends were talking to me. Not a single one of them.

I had never ever not had someone to talk to at school before. I may have been a loser before Adam, but I had popular best friends that always looked out for me. I never felt alone.

Until now.

"You know, it's been a month and they haven't said a word to you," Ryan spoke, noticing me staring in my friends' directions.

I hadn't been totally alone. There was Ryan. But Ryan was still Ryan. There was no way I'd ever consider him a friend. Even if he was the only one talking to me.

"Yeah well if I hadn't listened to you and your stupid "John's crazy" guess."

Ryan crossed his arms, staring at me with perturbed look on his face.

"I didn't guess okay," he replied. "I- hey are you listening to me?"

Who was that guy Adam was laughing with? Why was he with some guy? I mean, we hadn't officially broken up. And it wasn't like I'd been talking to any other guys while we were on our "break" But yet, Adam was flirting away with some really hot Mexican.

"Brandon!"

"Ugh, what is it Ryan?" I asked shutting my locker.

"Adam......Adam?"

"Huh? Oh, uh sorry Mike..." Adam spoke. "What you'd say?"

Adam had been really upset with Brandon for the past three weeks, but that wasn't to say that he hadn't missed him. Because he had. A lot. Of course, since everyone else, especially Gino, had abandoned and ignored Brandon, he had done so as well. Not because he was a follower but because he was equally as upset with him. It was just harder for him because he was his boyfriend. He still was. Or at least....he liked to think they were. But truthfully, he had no idea for sure.

"Ugh, I'm completely stressing over finals," Jade spoke, slouching into a row of bright yellow lockers.

Michelle joined her in lining against the lockers as the two faced everyone else.

"Yeah, well that's because you won't stand for anything less than a ninety-five, and even that's a suck-ass grade in your book," Michelle said.

"Are you telling me that you're not the least bit worried about falling any of your exams?" Jade asked.

"I took easy classes for a reason you know," Michelle replied, twirling her blond hair with one of her fingers "Besides, it helps to have an outlet for stress."

A year ago, Michelle would have liked to think that her outlet was Adam. But she quickly found out that Adam hadn't been her outlet at all. Her outlet had unfortunately been Ryan. But that was a mistake she was willing to forget as long as everyone else was willing not to bring it up.

"And what would that stress outlet be, Michelle?" Krystal asked. "Sex with another one of your dip-shits of the week?"

"Hey, wasn't Adam one of those dip-shits?" Alex playfully asked.

"Yeah, a hot dip-shit," Mike grinned, tugging at Adam's shirt.

Adam forced a grin, but continued to stare at his...boyfriend, from the corner of his eye.

Ryan realized that his plan was going to be a little harder to act upon than he originally thought, as Brandon's attention still seemed to be focused on his friends. But that all had to change. Soon.

"So....uh....we should talk,"Ryan started. "About John, I mean."

"Ugh, Ryan, John is the last person I wanna talk about," I sighed, shutting my locker and turning to face Ryan.

"Well, it's just I thought you were determined to prove that the guy was a psycho," Ryan replied.

"Ryan, John IS a psycho," I sighed, inadvertently straightening my backpack. "It's just that he's a smart one who really knows how to cover his fucking tracks."

How John had figured out that I had spoken to his mom before he finally decided to tell everyone just how much of a nut job he was, was still a big mystery to me.

But he did tell them. And the strange part was, they had all been okay with it. Strange how money could do that to people.

And okay, okay, I know its not always about the money. Especially with my friends. But I was just having a hard time trying to figure out John's deal.

But I was going to figure it out. And as cliche as it'll sound, I was going to find out even if it was the last thing I did.

"Okay...so what if there was a way to prove something else about John?" Ryan suddenly asked.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

I had to admit, I was more than a little wary about Ryan's "suggestions" and "theories" as the last time he put me up to something that I thought was a good idea.....well it didn't go to well to say the least.

"Well, what if I told you that I saw something?" Ryan started.

Now I was starting to get frustrated. Ryan was talking in circles yet again.

"You know, its almost the end of our junior year and you still haven't learned to just come right out and say whatever it is you have to say, "I started, so flushed, that when I started to jet away, Ryan dragging behind me, I failed to notice the group of people I had passed.

"I guess he and Ryan are buds now," Alex spoke.

"Maybe they're doing it," Michelle giggled with Krystal.

Adam's attention had once again diverted from Mike, thinking about what he'd seen and what Alex had said.

Meanwhile however, I didn't know where I was going but I did realize that Ryan had managed to keep up with my hurried pace.

"If you have something to say Ryan, then say it," I bellowed without even looking at him. "Otherwise, fuck off!"

I had said that last thing a little more loud than I would have liked and as so, people in the halls nearby had looked up. But I still hadn't stopped.

Ryan had though.

Something had hit him for the first time. He realized that Brandon was right. He really didn't just get to the point. And as such, he realized that his plan, the plan to get Michelle back by using Brandon to help push Adam back to Michelle, then back with Brandon, so she'd go back to him, hadn't really been flushed out. Just thinking about it now, it sounded completely and utterly ridiculous. Not very well thought out. He did see something though. But how now wasn't the right time to tell Brandon about it. He'd have to wait. Preferably until the last day of school or so. Because from here on out, he was going to see his plan through, no matter what.

Another week had miserably passed by, and it was now officially the last day of school. I had always enjoyed school because I had always had my friends. I may not have been popular but I had friends. And that was all that mattered to me. But to go to school and not have anyone to talk to but Ryan?

I mean, sure theoretically, I had plenty of people to talk to. Since I had befriended Adam, his friends had become my friends. And seeing how he was the most popular guy in school, he had quite a few of them. But I wasn't a shallow person. And certainly wasn't about to tell Random Joe about my problems in the hopes that he'd understand.

I had no one and people knew it. Alex knew it. Jade knew it. Adam knew it.

But most importantly, John knew it.

It was one thing to have a simple argument with your friends, who might hold a grudge for a few weeks, even if it had been well over 5 weeks.

But to know the reason why this had all happened was because of some conniving, two faced, twisted little weasel.......

Basically, it was Friday afternoon and I had once again skipped lunch a mixture of angry and sad. And it must have showed as Ryan pointed out when he greeted me.

"So, I guess you're avoiding going to your own locker huh?"

"When it's right next to my boy.....Adam's, yeah," I replied.

Of course, I knew that I'd have to make a trip to my locker sometime today to clear it out and get all my long overdue textbooks back to my teachers.

"Speaking of Adam, you hear about this party Michelle's throwing?" Ryan asked, slouching against a nearby vending machine.

"Obviously not, seeing as though I'm not in the loop anymore," I replied.

"Well, it's at the Riverwalk," Ryan replied "In San Antonio."

"Sounds nice," I said. "I care why?"

Ryan smirked a sly grin before getting off of the machine to face me.

"Because I, am going to get us a couple of invites."

Like I wanted to go to Michelle's party. All going to it would do would just remind me of how lonely I was.

"Yeah, thanks but I'm gonna pass."

I'd found plenty of things to do on my own recently. None of which involved partying.

"Alright that's it," Ryan started, grabbing me by the arm.

"Hey what the fuck?"

He was leading me into the student lounge-room, probably because with everyone being in either lunch or class, it would be empty.

He said nothing until we were inside.

And we were alone.

"What gives?"

"You!"

"I don't have time for this."

I had turned to leave, but Ryan forcefully stood in my way.

"Would you look at yourself?" he started "You're pathetic."

"Gee, thanks."

"I mean it. While you're feeling all sorry for yourself because Adam and co wont even look your way, they're going about with their lives like you never even existed," Ryan spoke "I mean seriously, who holds a grudge for an entire month?"

Well in Michelle's case-

"You need to wake up here Brandon," Ryan spoke.

"Why, Ryan?" I asked. "I mean, tell me what's so good about my life now? You?"

Ryan pretended not to be offended by that.

"Right now, I'm all you have," he spoke.

"Well then I guess I don't have much then huh?"

Ryan stared at me hard for a few seconds, rolling his tongue on the inside of cheek.

"Come on," was all he said as he led me out of the student lounge and back out into the hallway.

"What you need is to get the upper hand on John," Ryan spoke.

"And how exactly am I supposed to do that Ryan?"

He didn't reply, instead he kept leading me through the empty hallway over to what I quickly realized was Gino's locker.

"What are we doing here?" I asked.

"Well, I know for a fact that Gino hasn't cleaned his locker out yet," Ryan replied.

"So?"

He reached into his backpack and took out a heavy looking crow bar.

"What are you gonna do with that?"

He grinned at me before using it to pry Gino's locker open.

I looked around nervously to make sure no one saw us.

After what seemed like forever but was probably only about three minutes, Ryan had managed to pop the locker open, revealing the fact that Gino had indeed no cleaned his locker to be true.

Then he started going through it frantically, but still making sure that everything stayed in place.

It was like he was looking for something in particular.

After another three or four minutes of searching he pulled out what he had been searching for.

"A...what is it?" I asked.

"Here," he replied, handing it to me.

It was a folded piece of paper. I assumed it was a note.

Glancing briefly at Ryan, I quickly unfolded the slip of paper and began to read

Dear Gino....

So its been an amazing two months huh? I mean mean that's how long we've known each other and already I feel like I know you. I know that must sound kinda weird, but that's how I feel. I mean, not entirely. I have to tell you this because I don't want to keep secrets from you. That's why I told you that I was.....that I was sick before because I wanted you to know everything.

Accept...there's something else that I have been keeping from you. Something that I was so afraid to say to your face. So I had to write it down. It's easier that way for me anyway. And please don't think I'm a flake or anything for doing it this way but once you know, you'll understand.

I'm gay. That's right. I really am gay. I'm sorry I never told you before. I guess I was afraid. But there's something else. I....think I'm in love with you. Please understand how hard it is for me to tell you this. I'm not trying to freak you out at all. I just..had to tell you because I needed to let you know how I felt. And to see if there was any way you felt the same way too. Because, I mean....you did tell me that you were gay. So I guess maybe I felt that it was time that I say all this.

If you wanna hate me now, I'll understand. If you don't wanna be friends anymore and wanna stop hanging around, I'll understand that too. But I just had to tell you.

John

Whoa............just.......whoa.

"Have you read this?" I asked, after I finished reading it.

"Gino showed it to me last week.....when John gave it to him," Ryan replied.

"And.....has he showed-"

"You think he wants everyone else to know that he's one of you guys?" Ryan asked.

The letter proved everything I had said about John was true. That he was crazy and obsessive. But it had also revealed something else that I wasn't quite ready to understand.

I never would have guessed that Gino was gay. I mean, how could I not have seen it? After all, we had been really close? And I thought all gay guys could tell when another guy was gay......

But apparently not.

"So this is what you were trying to show me last week, right?" I asked.

Ryan nodded.

"It proves John's psycho......and all you need to do is prove it to everyone else at Michelle's party," Ryan replied.

I suddenly felt an entirely different emotion. Something other than sadness and shock.

Hate.

I hated John and now I was really upset.

I had to go to this party now. I had to get him out of my life so that I could get my friends back.

"Still think you can get us those invites?" I asked.

Ryan grinned at me.

I was glad that school had been declared officially over until August. I was no longer a 16 year old junior.

But I was also glad for a different reason. Tonight would be the night when everything finally went my way. I was going to get my old life back and surprisingly enough Ryan was going to be the one to help me do it.

Jaime must have noticed my excitement because she commented on it when she saw me come down my stairs.

"So let me guess....you finally learned how to masturbate?"

"At least that's all I do," I shot back at her.

"Hey, I can't help it if I'm hot and hot guys want me back," Jaime replied.

I moved from the living room to the kitchen and Jaime followed.

"So where are you going anyway?"

"A party. In San Antonio."

"How come I didn't hear anything about a party?"

"Guess you were to busy with guy number million and three," I replied.

Jaime took a seat at one of the barstool chairs situated around our kitchen island.

"So are Alex, Jade, and Adam going? Haven't seen them around in while."

"Oh yeah, they're gonna be there," I replied.

I was thankful when I heard the doorbell finally ring.

"Stay, it's not for you," I said, happy to get away from my sister.

As I had thought, it was for me, as I opened my front door, revealing a surprisingly handsome Ryan.

"Ready for your big night?" he asked, grinning expectantly.

At that moment, something told me to be wary of Ryan. I had no idea what it was. But I had to wonder why Ryan had been so keen to helping me. But I didn't wonder for too long and shoved the thought to the back of my mind.

"Jaime....not going to the party huh?" Ryan asked, upon seeing my sister, who had showed up behind me.

"Wasn't invited...shocking, I know," Jaime replied.

"I'd invite you....to my own private party," Ryan said, a lecherous grin spread across his face.

"I think you have enough of those on your own," Jaime spoke, completely dissing Ryan.

Ryan just shrugged it off though.

"Okay so I"ll probably be back tomorrow," I told Jaime. "Tell mom and dad that when they get home."

"Whatever," Jaime replied shutting the door behind me.

"Oh were carpooling there....saves gas," Ryan replied, referring to the two other people sitting in the back of his Lincoln Navigator. "But don't worry, Jake and Tom are cool with gay guys....I think."

Well, this was certainly going to be a long two hour drive.

It was barely eight and already Adam was bored with the party. He'd found himself to be bored a lot lately. Accept he refused to believe it was because he had stopped talking to Brandon.

And it couldn't be the party. Michelle had rented out the entire upper floor of the Hilton, and had decided to throw the party in the joint loft sweets, while the various other rooms were being used for...well...other things.

"Adam?"

"What happened?" Adam spoke snapping back into reality.

Mike let out a sheepish giggle before tugging on Adam's shirt, as if to pull him away from the kitchen to the dance floor.

"Come on Adam," Mike spoke, seductively.

Adam glanced down at his watch. He was just waiting for the party to be over with.

I was really nervous. I was completely ready to take John down. I knew he'd be at the hotel because Ryan had told me that Gino had invited him.

"This is it," Ryan said as the elevator doors parted, allowing us to get out.

I really wasn't paying attention to much of anything at all. I just knew that I had something to do, and I was ready to get my life back.

Ryan did the honors of announcing our presence by banging on the outside of the suite double doors.

We stood for a few seconds before someone finally got the door.

"Hello and welcome to-"

Michelle stopped short once she caught sight of me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"I invited him," Ryan replied, stepping into the suite.

Jake and Tom also walked into the suite while I just stood watching Michelle glare at me.

Even though she looked more than pissed off to see me, she didn't try to stop me from coming in when I tried.

"Okay, so I'm gonna go mingle," Ryan said, looking around the already wild party.

"No Ryan-"

It was useless. He had walked off, leaving me alone.

What was I supposed to do? I mean, I really wasn't even supposed to be here. I looked around for Adam or Jade or Alex, but so far hadn't seen any of them. Of course, I quickly realized that the person I should have been looking for was Gino as soon as I saw him coming my way.

At first he looked surprised to see me. But then he flashed me a look that was worse than the one Michelle had given me when she first saw me.

"What are you doing here?" were the first words to come out of his mouth.

"I need to talk to you," I replied.

"About John right?"

Well.....

"Why do you gotta always make everything about him? Huh?"

"Gino, I never said this was about-"

"But it is right?"

How did he know?

"Look, I came here to get away from my problems," Gino started. "I don't wanna talk to you right now so just go home."

Gino had turned to leave, and I didn't try to stop him.

He didn't give me a chance.

Unfortunately for me, a bigger problem had found me.

"So, you decided to crash the party huh?"

It was John.

How had I managed to run into Gino and John, but not anyone else?

"You think you got everyone fooled huh?" I started.

"Why Brandon, what ever are you talking about?"

"I found that note.....I know your crazy."

For a moment, John looked near shocked, like he was going to be sick. But then his trademark smug-ass little look quickly returned.

"What note?" was all he had to say to me.

That was about when Gino had showed up again.

"What the..."

"Gino-"

"So now you're harassing him again?"

"Gino, look, he came up to me."

"Didn't I fucking tell you to go home already?"

Things were starting to get out of hand here. John had the upper hand, and he knew it. I had to do what I came here to do and get it over with.

"Look, I know about the note, okay," I started.

"You what?" Gino asked.

Adam, who had been dancing very tiredly with Mike, had for the first time noticed someone who wasn't supposed to be here.

"Adam....Adam!"

"What do you mean you know about the note?" Gino asked.

So he was gonna play dumb too huh?

Jade, Alex, and Krystal also noticed me and started their way over through the crowded room.

"Hey, Michelle," Ryan started.

"I can't believe you brought that asshole to my party, Ryan," Michelle spoke.

"But-"

"And where is he anyway......oh wait, never mind," Michelle finished, making her way over to me, Ryan following behind her.

Both Gino and John were staring at me with these hard to read looks that were frustrating me beyond belief.

"What right do you have to break into my locker-"

"Gino, the guys obsessed with you. You should have told me you were gay!" I exclaimed, full of anger.

"What?" Adam asked shocked.

I turned to my left to see not only Adam, Alex, and Jade, but Ryan, Krystal, and Michelle, all now around us. I didn't see them before. Where in the hell had they all come from?

It was Gino's turn to look shocked. Only this time, I had that look on my face right along with him. I didn't mean for everyone else to find out........well maybe I had. But anger makes you do things.......evil things. And now I realized that I had made a terrible mistake.

"What did you just say?"

"Gino....I'm sorry man.....I"

Gino, who looked to be on the verge of tears, stormed out of the suite and into the hallway.

"You see what you did? You see?" John asked.

"Don't fuck with me.....I read the note," I replied.

"Again I ask, what note?"

"This one asshole," I replied, reaching into my pockets.

He was going down. Id show him. I'd show everyone. I'd.....uh oh.

"It's....it's....I don't have it,"

"You never did, I think,: John replied.

"No...no I had it...I read it. Right Ryan?"

Ryan gave me a confused look.

"I never read any so called note..."

"Ryan....we"

"Don't drag me into this because everyone hates you," he started. "I thought you came to apologize, not start more trouble."

What the fuck? He swore that he was gonna help me. It was after all him who had put me up to everything in the first place. And now he was back to his old useless ass-clown self.

"I knew it....I knew Gino was gay," Adam spoke.

"Adam-"

"I should go find Gino,"John said, taking off.

Looking over at my friends, none of them appeared the least bit ready to forgive me. No. No I still needed John to admit that he was crazy. I had to go find him.

I left everyone inside the suite and stepped out into the hallway, which was much quieter than inside the hotel room. There was no sign of John or Gino.

I figured maybe Gino would be trying to leave, which meant he had to be in the parking lot. I had to stop him and John before they took off.

"Hey...what happened?"

Adam didn't pay any attention to Mike. He was still reeling from learning for sure what he'd suspected all along: that Gino was gay.

Of course, the way he'd found out hadn't really surprised him. Just another little stunt from someone he should probably have been referring to as his "ex boyfriend" now.

Looking Mike in the eyes now he realized that he shouldn't have been thinking about that. He came to party and have fun. And that was what he was gonna do.

"Come on," Adam spoke, leading Mike out onto the dance floor.

No sign of Gino. Or John for that matter. I had searched nearly the entire parking lot. Didn't see any familiar cars. I had decided to just go back to the party and try looking around to see if he'd returned when I ran into John.

"Hey....John.......um, have you seen Gino?" I asked.

I wasn't through with him by any means, but Gino was more important to me right now.

"You know, that wasn't a very nice thing to do back there at the party," John spoke, walking towards me.

We had walked until we met up next to a very expensive looking silver Mercedes.

"I didn't mean for it to happen that way," I replied. "I was upset."

"Understandable," John replied. "But not when you risk nearly exposing me in the process."

I looked at him with a bemused expression.

"What?"

"You're right about me you know," he replied "You always have been."

Of course I was right. It was just a shock to hear him say it.

"Well then come with me to explain it to Gino," I replied.

"No see, that's not gonna happen," John replied.

Now I was really staring to get ticked off again.

"He told me that he didn't want to be with me because he was in love with you."

I knew that.....

John eyed me carefully before the next thing I knew, I felt his fist connecting with me face. The blow had come so unexpectedly that I tripped and fell sideways onto the pavement.

John took my fall as an opportunity to get the car door of Mercedes open.

"Too bad too," John replied.

I had started to get up, but he'd punched me again, my head hitting the pavement.

John looked down at a very unconscious Brandon.

"Don't worry though," he said, lifting the limp body and placing it in the back seat of his car. "I'll make him see things my way."

A/N

Well It took me a little longer than I would have liked, but I finally got this chapter done...again. Yes thats right, this is my third time writing this episode. I had it done months ago, but somehow it got erased from my computer. The second time, I never finished. And for the third draft I started from scratch. In my opinion, I think the first one was more enjoyable, but I tried my best to try and retain some of the first one's story for the third draft.

Anyway, next episode will be the end of the John storyline (and in show speak, which by now you should all know is my style of writing, it would also be the so called season finale too. I'll probably have it up next Saturday at the earliest.

You know that awesome writer I'm always going on about? You know, the one who writes 'Around My Way' and 'I Hate Anthony' here on Nifty? Well she has a YahooGroup now worth checking out at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MaddyA_Stories/.

Comments? Questions? Complaints? Send them to crossingboi2004@yahoo.com. I always reply.

Copyright 2005