Angst

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not write about frank sexual situations, nor do I have any desire to.

This is a story about teen love and discovery. Still though, it is a gay work of fiction.

If such work offends you or you are not old enough to read in your area, then do not continue reading.

Please do not copy and paste onto another website without emailing me first. In most cases I'd be glad to let you post on another site, as long as you ask first!

Angst Episode 13 "The End"

I wasn't feeling up to snuff the following Monday. My life was still a mess. Adam hadn't talked to me since last Wednesday. Neither had Alex. Jade had no idea what the problem was. Since none of us were talking, she couldn't offer any advice to me, not that it would really have been helpful.

Life sucked worse now than it did before I was popular.

I walked into the kitchen without the slightest bit of feeling.

It must have showed.

"So, what did Alex want yesterday? He was here and left in like 2 minutes," Jaime spoke.

I took a seat on the bar stool in our kitchen.

"He ah...just wanted to borrow my physics notes," I replied.

"Alex actually caring about his studies. Talk about irony," Jaime said, grabbing a NutriGrain Bar.

"Jaime, you make worse grades then he does. That's ironic," I replied.

Jaime sat down next to me.

"Okay, what's wrong?" Jaime asked, sounding genuinely sympathetic.

I decided to take a chance in confiding in her.

"Have you ever felt like you wanted something so bad that you'd be willing to risk anything to have it?" I asked.

Jaime stared at me for a moment.

"Well, there were these killer boots I saw at the mall for a while-"

"That's not what I'm talking about," I said, cutting her off.

Jaime jostled a little with surprise.

"Then what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about my life. You know how it used to be. Jade and Alex used to be my only friends for years. I always used to question why because they were both sooooo much more popular than I was," I started.

I continued to talk to Jaime because it seemed as though she was really listening to me.

"And then I met Adam. It was strange at first, especially since I always ended up on the short end of the stick when it came to him. It was like culture shock. The most popular girl in school friends with the least most popular guy in school," I continued.

"What's this got to do with you being sad?" Jaime asked.

"i thought that being friends with Adam and being popular was gonna be the best thing in the world. But now, things are starting to unravel," I said.

"What are you talking about?" Jaime asked.

I got off the bar stool and turned around.

"Well I kinda know what you mean. About the being popular thing. I mean no, I don't know what it's like not to be popular. But I know how hard it is when you are. Sometimes it is really hard," Jaime replied standing up.

"Yeah, I don't think so," I replied starting to leave.

"You're worried that you'll be more unhappy if things go back to the way the were. Worse off," Jaime replied.

I continued to busy myself with putting my backpack together.

"Look, you don't have to worry about that happening to you. Unlike me, you have friends that care about you. Friends you don't have to worry about stabbing you in the back. You have a wonderful life now," Jaime replied.

I put my backpack on, ready to leave.

"Now if only you could get a girlfriend. Then you'd have the perfect life," Jaime replied, heading up the stairs.

If only she knew. Girlfriend, no. I would've liked to think I had a boyfriend in Adam, but after yesterday......I couldn't be so sure.

But the perfect life, I could never have. Could I?

Alex wasn't at the bustop this morning. Which probably meant he got the car today and drove to school. Usually when that happened, Alex would come pick me up. But obviously not today.

I decided that I would just have to avoid him for now. Alex had a really bad temper when it came to his friends. But if was on his enemy list now, then it would be worse.

And Adam, he wasn't on the bus either. He had a car that he wasn't allowed to drive yet. Maybe he could now....

Either way, I had to people who I needed to avoid until they could both calm down.

In the meantime though, I needed to find Jade. I knew she could help me. She always did.

"Hey," I greeted Gino.

I decided not to let my bad mood show. Especially around Gino. He was a fragile enough person.

"Hey. Listen, about my behavior lately," Gino started.

"You know what, don't even worry about it. I kinda understand where you were coming from," I spoke.

"Really?" Gino asked.

"Yeah. Actually, Adam and I were spending a lot of time together, and it did kinda look like maybe we were....but I guess were not huh?" I chuckled.

Gino gave me a weird look.

"You guess? What do you mean you-

"Okay what's going on?" Jade cut Gino off.

"Jade!" I exclaimed.

She couldn't have come at a better time.

Gino crossed his arms and grew a short tempered look on his face.

"I just saw Adam, and he's not with you," Jade replied.

What was she doing to me?

I grabbed Jade's arm and led her a few feet to my locker.

"I have to talk to you," I said, kinda hush-hushed.

"I know it's got to do with Adam right?" Jade asked.

"We kissed yesterday," I started.

"What?" Jade asked, shocked.

"Well there's that and....well.....I sorta kissed Alex too," I replied.

"Oh my god. WHAT?!" Jade asked, sounding even more shocked.

Jade sounded so shocked I had a feeling that if I gave her anymore news good or bad, she'd have a heartattack.

Jade looked left and right before pulling my into an empty corridor.

"Tell me you're kidding," she started.

"About which part?"

"All of it!" Jade replied.

"It's a really long story. But the kiss between Alex and me happened first,"

"How?"

"Well I really was just trying to test how Alex might feel about me being gay. But he thought I just wanted to see what it was like to kiss a guy," I started.

"Oh my gosh," Jade sighed.

"But then Adam and me kissed in the restroom yesterday. I thought it was a dream come true, until....." I stopped.

Yesterdays events still baffled me. How quickly they turned from a dream to a nightmare were beyond me.

"Until, until what?" Jade asked.

"Well somehow, Alex got it in his head that I was gay and came over yesterday to ask whether I was or not,"

"And what did you say?"

"I told him to truth. I didn't want to lie to him," I replied.

"How'd he take it?"

"Horribly. He told me not to call him. He wasn't at the bustop this morning and didn't pick me up," I sighed.

"Rough," Jade said.

"Yeah. After Alex stormed out of the house, I ran up to my room to call Adam, and he basically told me the same thing Alex did. I don't even know what happened with him," I replied.

Jade gave me a sympathetic look.

"Well in Alex's case, I think it would be the best thing for you to just stay away from him for a while. Give him some time to cool off," Jade started.

"And as for Adam, I'm not sure how you should handle him. I mean, I wanna say talk to him, but if he wants something to happen between you two and is just confused, then maybe letting him have some time to think might be best," Jade replied.

I sighed and thought about her words.

"You're right. I don't know what I'd do without you Jade," I replied.

"Come on, let's go," Jade replied.

I just had to let my friends cool off for a couple of days. That was all.

It was now Monday. I gave Adam and Alex Thursday, Friday, and the weekend to cool off. So my friends would be cool now.

I walked up to Gino and did a 180 turn looking all around. What he hell...

"Hey Gino? Am I missing something?" I asked, still looking all around.

Gino turned from his locker to look around.

"What do you mean?"

"All the couples. What's going on?"

"Maybe everybody's just spending time with their dates to the dance," Gino replied turning back to his locker.

"What dance?" I asked.

"The winter gala. Only the most important dance of the year next to prom and homecoming. I can't believe you didn't know,"

I knew. I just forgot. After all, I had been a little preoccupied lately.

"Wow, time's passing by really quickly I see," I replied.

"Yeah well.....so you got a special...girl...you ah, wanna take?" Gino asked.

"Ah, I don't think so," I replied.

I stared at Gino's back.

"What about you?" I asked.

"Nope. Not yet. But I'll find somebody before Thursday," Gino replied.

Just then Krystal approached us both.

"Gino, you're taking me to the dance Thursday. No arguments," Krystal started.

"Sure, ah-"

"Don't make any plans after school. Were gonna go pick out my dress and your tux," Krystal added.

And like that she was gone just as quick as she came.

"So I guess that leaves me the only one dateless huh?" I chuckled.

I noticed Adam out of the corner of my eye.

"I'll be right back," I said.

I left Gino and made my way over to Adam.

"Hey Adam," I said meekly.

Adam started working the combination to his locker.

"Brandon," Adam replied.

"I guess you're probably wondering why I haven't really been around lately huh?" I asked.

Adam opened his locker and started moving things around in it.

"Not really, no," Adam replied.

I angrily rolled my tongue on the inside of my cheek.

"Adam why are you being like this?" I asked.

"How am I being Brandon?" Adam asked, getting upset as well.

"A jerk. I just want to talk about what happened on Thursday," I replied.

"We kissed. What guy doesn't want to experiment?" Adam asked.

"Adam you know that kiss was more than that. I felt something," I replied.

"Look, I wan us to be friends still. The kiss, it was just......I don't want things to be awkward between us," Adam replied.

"So what? Am I supposed to act like it never happened?" I asked.

"Sure. If you want. I'm just saying that I don't want something to start that will be this big thing that everybody talks about and refers to as freaky and weird and-"

"Adam, what big thing are you talking about?" I asked.

What the fuck was he hinting at?

Adam put his head in his locker.

"Look, I don't wanna talk about this right now, okay?" Adam spoke with a soothing voice.

"Oh so when would you rather we talk about it Adam?" I asked getting upset.

"Because it seems to me like you'd rather we put this off and maybe we'll both just forget about it, right?"

Adam took his head from his locker and turned to look at me.

"Look, I just don't think-"

"Hey Adam," Michelle greeted meekly.

Adam turned around.

"Michelle, hey," Adam said surprised.

Michelle glanced at me quickly.

"Ah, could I talk to you for a minute?" Michelle asked.

I decided she must have meant alone and decided to leave.

"So how've you been?" Michelle asked.

"Ah, okay. I guess. How's ah....how life been for you?" Adam asked.

"Not good. I can't sleep. Keep playing back the past week in my mind. It was one bad thing after another, I didn't dream for any of this to happen," Michelle replied.

"Yeah, neither did I. I guess life this year really has been different," Adam replied.

Michelle rustled around a bit.

"So, ah, did you hear about the winter gala?"

"Yeah,"

"Look I know I'm probably the last person on Earth you want to be talking to right now. But I was kinda hoping that maybe you could forgive me for-"

"Of course Michelle. And if you want, maybe we can still be friends?" Adam asked.

"You read my mind," Michelle smiled.

Adam smiled too.

"So about this dance? You wanna go with me? As friends of course," Michelle asked.

Adam thought for a moment. No way did he want to be part of the schools freaky gay couple. He had to maintain his image. But above all, he had to make sure that his life stayed on an uphill track. He couldn't take anymore bad misfortune. Even if part of him did want to be with Brandon......

The lunchroom was the loudest it had been all year. Mostly due to the fact that the dance on Thursday had everybody excited.

"Where the hell is Alex?" Jade asked.

"Probably avoiding me like I've been counseled to do to him," I replied.

Gino put his tray down and sat next to me.

"I still don't understand why both Adam and Alex are mad at you B. What did you do?" Gino asked.

I looked over at Jade.

"Let's just say that we have conflicting interest right now," I replied stalely.

Gino shot me a suspicious look.

"Okay so lets move on to the dance. Everybody's got a date right?" Krystal asked.

"Yeah, I'm taking Josh Boyce, from the football team," Jade replied.

I knew she'd had a crush on him for a little while. Josh was cute. But he'd always seemed a bit underhanded to me.

"What about you Brandon? Who are you taking?" Krystal asked.

I noticed Jade and Gino staring nervously at me.

"Ah, you know just ah-"

"Hey, Brandon," A familiar looking girl interrupted me.

Was this that same girl who gave me that counselors note way back when?

"I don't know if you remember me. Ah, I gave you a note to the counselor a little while ago," the girl replied.

"Yeah, I thought you looked familiar," I replied.

"Look, I'm sorry to bother you at lunch. But I was wondering if you had a date to the dance yet?"

I thought for a moment. I really wanted to go with Adam. I didn't even care if people labeled us as the "fagot couple" If I was with Adam, it didn't matter. But of course, he was mad at me. I somehow ruined it. Adam didn't want to be with me anymore. So, I could go with someone else. A girl at that.

"Well, I do if you want to go with me?" I replied.

The girl looked really excited now.

"Wow, yeah. I mean, okay. Oh my name's Melody by the way," melody replied, walking away.

"Okay so now we know who you're date is," Krystal replied.

Gino idly stabbed his potatoes with his fork.

Jade gave me a sour look.

I shot her a "what?" look.

Jade crossed her arms and sat back angrily.

Okay so the big day was set. Too bad it wasn't the type of day I wanted.

Alex sat, arms crossed starring at Brandon, Jade, Krystal, and Gino.

"i don't believe it. So Brandon's actually gay huh?" Ryan asked.

"Yup. Just like Michelle said all along," Alex replied.

"Wow. Who would've thought huh?" Ryan rhetorically asked.

"I can't believe a girl who'd barely known him a month knew he might be gay while I'd known him all my life and never suspected," Alex said.

"Well don't feel bad. We didn't know either," Ryan replied.

Ryan turned to his left and noticed Adam and Michelle talking.

"I don't believe it," he sighed.

"What?" Alex asked.

"It's Adam and Michelle, together. And Michelle told me that Adam was into Brandon-"

"WHAT?" Alex asked.

"Yeah. She said that Adam and Brandon kissed and she was-"

All Alex managed to hear was that the two kissed. That was more than he wanted to hear

"....and now she and Adam are going to the dance together," Ryan finished.

"Wait, Adam and Michelle are going to the dance together? I thought you said Adam and Brandon were feeling each other," Alex spoke.

"Well maybe Adam just doesn't wanna ruin his rep at the dance or something. I don't know. God, I so cant stand Adam anymore," Ryan sighed.

"And I can't stand my ex best friend," Alex replied.

Alex thought for a second. It was at that moment and idea came to him.

"So we've both suffered enough don't you think? I think we should cause a little pain ourselves," Alex spoke, starring at Brandon.

Ryan didn't know what Alex's game was. But if it had to do with Adam, he was game.

"Would you look at this place. Wow," Krystal spoke.

I looked around. The gym was decked out in blue and whit balloons, streamers, you name it. I was ready for this dance.

"I'm really glad you decided to go with me," Melody said, arm intertwined with my own.

"Yeah, sure," I smiled.

Jade shook her head.

"So punch, Josh get me some punch please?" Jade asked.

"Yeah sure babe," Josh replied walking off.

"Come on Gino. Let's go dance," Krystal spoke pulling Gino away.

"Help-" Gino spoke.

"Ah, Melody, would you mind finding us a table?" I asked.

"Sure," Melody replied, walking off.

"I still don't see why you have to lead that poor girl on," Jade spoke the second she was gone.

"I had to come with someone," I replied.

"No, you could have come by yourself," Jade replied.

"Here you go Jade," Josh said, handing Jade a Diet Coke.

"Thanks," Jade replied shortly.

Josh turned around.

"Hey, Adam. What's up man," Josh said greeting Adam.

"Ah hey man," Adam replied.

Jade shot Michelle a gloomy look.

"Hey Adam," I said meekly.

"Hey," Adam replied.

"So this place. Seriously bumpin huh?" Josh asked.

"Yeah," Adam replied looking around.

"Well, I should go find Melody. Don't wanna keep my date waiting," I said.

"Oh you...so you came with someone then?" Adam asked.

I stared directly into Adam's eyes. Then shook my head methodically and walked off.

"Geeze, what's his problem?" Josh asked.

Adam knew exactly what Brandon's problem was. And he was going to have talk to him about it before the night was over.

"Look, Alex, are you sure you want to do this. It sounds a little too mean. After all, part of what went down was my fault," Ryan spoke.

Alex looked around shortly.

"Don't remind me, okay Ryan," Alex replied.

Where was he? Where was Brandon?

"This is nice huh?" Melody asked.

It would be a whole lot better if I were here with Adam.

"Yeah," I lied.

I spotted Adam heading for the restroom. I needed to talk to him.

"Ah, I'll be right back. Alright?" I said standing up.

"Oh, sure," Melody replied, a sad look on her face.

I entered the restroom nonchalantly, trying to act like I didn't just follow Adam inside.

Adam looked up from the sink he was standing at.

"Brandon? Hey," he said.

"Adam, what's wrong? What did I do? Did I push you too fast? What?" I asked.

Fuck being angry at Adam. I just wanted to know what I'd done for him to scorn me.

Adam sighed.

"It's not you. It's just, I don't know if I can take what'll happen once were together,"Adam replied.

So he did wanna be with me. But what was he expecting to happen?

"What'll happen?" I asked.

Adam sighed and walked past me so that our backs were by each other.

"i don't think i'll ever be ready to be this schools gay hero," Adam replied.

Alex and Ryan stared out into the crowd from behind the stage curtains. If they were gonna do this, they needed the two love birds to be present. But where the hell were they?

"Look, I'll go see if I can find them. If I'm not back in two minutes, start anyway," Alex said.

"Adam, nobody has to know about us being together. It can be our own little secret," I replied.

Although, technically Jade knew I wanted Adam.

"I want to," Adam turned around to face me "but, I just don't know..."

I got closer to Adam and kissed him softly. Adam kissed back with a lust stronger than before. I stopped the kiss.

"Just think about it," I said, exiting the restroom.

"Oh, there you are," Alex said.

""Alex. Hi," I said.

"So you've been in there all this time huh? Is he in there?" Alex asked.

"Who?" I asked.

"Adam. Your gay boyfriend. Always knew he was a fag too," Alex replied.

It hurt me deep inside to hear Alex talking about Adam and myself this way. He was supposed to be my best friend. Id have to reason with him.

"Look, Alex, I'm sorry. I know I hurt you. I let you down in the worst possible way. And really, I don't deserve your friendship," I started.

Alex crossed his arms.

"But I never meant to hurt you. The only reason I never told you is so that I wouldn't have to hurt you," I continued.

"Ladies and gentleman can I have your attention," Ryan started.

I stared deep into Alex's eyes.

"You can spend the rest of your life hating me. But just know that I wont. Because I'd never want to hurt you," I replied.

I walked past Adam and back into the gym.

Alex stood, still in front of the restroom with his arms crossed.

Brandon really did care about him.....and so what if he was gay, right.........

Adam exited the restroom and stared up at Alex.

"Oh, hey Alex," Adam replied leaving.

Alex still stood.

And his friend was in love. Happy now. Having the best time of his life. Why did he insist on ruining it? He had to stop Ryan.

Adam joined me at my table. Everybody in the gym was awaiting something that Ryan had to say.

"We all know about Adam and Michelle's breakup. But what you didn't know about is that Adam holds a secret," Ryan started.

I shot Adam a worried look, who stood up quick.

"Ryan, don't," Adam started.

"Why not Adam? Even when you dump Michelle, she still runs back to you. She was supposed to be my girl," Ryan continued, obviously drunk.

Michelle knew what was coming. So did Jade, Alex, and I.

"But if I had known that you wanted Jameson all along, I wouldn't have been so secretive about cheating," Ryan said.

At this point, everyone in the gym was starring at me and at Adam.

"Yeah that's right. Didn't you hear? Adam has a boyfriend on the side. None other than his new best friend, Brandon Jameson," Ryan continued.

Alex hoped onto the stage.

"Don't worry man, I got it covered," Ryan replied.

Alex tried to move Ryan from the stage but Ryan wasn't having that.

"Hey, get the fuck off me!" Ryan exclaimed, shoving Alex hard, and far.

Alex flung a good twenty feet from the stage and flew sideways over a table that landed on his leg.

"AHHHHHH!" Alex shouted.

"Somebody get his ass off the stage," Josh said.

I jumped up and ran over to Alex along with Adam and Jade.

"Oh my god. Alex," I said.

"My leg. I think its broken!" Alex winced in pain.

"Just hold on Alex, were gonna get you some help," I said.

All around me I noticed people whispering, pointing, at Adam and me.

But suddenly, it didn't seem to matter. Because I knew that this was just the beginning. It was the middle. It was the end.