An Uncommon Bond

AN UNCOMMON BOND

PROLOGUE

The wedding in 2015 was not unlike many that occurred in the days and weeks after the Supreme Court's ruling that same-sex couples should have the same rights and benefits granted to traditional married couples. The grooms had been partners for over twenty years. Their loving bond had grown stronger with each passing year. Their marriage was far more than governmental recognition of their relationship. It was a way to reaffirm their devotion to each other.

The ceremony was performed in the chambers of a municipal judge in a century-old court house. Only two long-time friends witnessed the exchange of vows. The wedding was simple. For the two grooms, however, it was imbued with consuming joy. It was the realization of their dream to officially declare their commitment to each other and to rededicate their lives to each other.

The magnitude of their joy was not apparent to the judge or the witnesses. It was, however, felt intensely by both grooms. Each felt his own joy, which was not unusual, but he also sensed in a profound way his partner's euphoria. It was far more than mere empathy for another person's feelings or awareness of the other's emotions. It was as though each man's emotions merged with and magnified his own. Each man didn't just know how the other felt. He literally felt his partner's joy.

They often shared their thoughts, ideas, and emotions wordlessly in what could only be called a mystical connection. It could also be described as a sixth sense, mental telepathy, or simply unfathomable magic. But the inexplicable union of their minds had mysteriously persisted since shortly after they met. It was almost as if two bodies shared a common brain.

But I'm getting way ahead of the story. For clarification let's go back to when they first met, trace their experiences as their friendship matured, and explore the ways in which their psychic bond was both a blessing and a burden.

PART ONE: THE PAIN OF UNCERTAINTY

Chapter 1: FIRST ENCOUNTERS

Dothan, Alabama, 1992

Tom Davis, fresh out of college, went to work as sales manager in his father's business, a construction company that built custom homes. As a teen, he had worked summers as part of the construction crew, which gave him an in-depth knowledge of home construction and, significantly, he won the respect of every crew member. It was generally understood that he would take over the business upon his father's retirement.

Ben Collins, the eldest son of a Davis Construction client, had been working for two years as a lab technician in a pharmaceutical company. The challenges on the job were significant. It required perseverance and rigorous analysis but he relished the work. It gave him ample opportunity to apply the skills he had mastered as a chemical engineering major in college.

Ben's parents had contracted with Davis Construction to build a house. Tom stopped by the Collins' home to deliver a set of revised blueprints for approval. Ben was visiting at the time and answered the door when Tom rang the bell. Both young men were immediately captivated by the other's attractiveness - well-proportioned body, handsome face, sparkling eyes, captivating smile. But, by habit that had been honed to perfection over many years, each concealed his reaction to the other's good looks. They had learned long ago, sometimes painfully, that displaying the wrong kind of interest in another man risked exposing yearnings that could trigger hostility and persecution by those poisoned with the homophobia that was prevalent in many semi-rural, Southern communities in the early 1980's.

Tom said, "Hi. I'm Tom Davis from Davis Construction. I have revised blueprints for Mr. and Mrs. Collins to review. Are they at home?"

"No," Ben replied. "I'm Ben Collins, their son." They shook hands as Ben continued, "My dad is at the gym and Mom's at the hairdresser. They both should be home soon." He looked at his wrist watch. "Or at least I hope so. We're supposed to go to my uncle's birthday party tonight."

Tom held out a large envelope and said, "Perhaps you could give these to your parents ... and have them call if they have any questions or comments."

Ben asked, "Would you like to come in and wait? It shouldn't be too long." His invitation was much more than being polite. He wanted more time, even if it was brief, to admire the handsome visitor.

Tom would have liked to accept the invitation and spend time with a good- looking young man but had to say, "Thanks but I have another appointment. I just thought I'd deliver these revised plans on my way."

"I'll see that my parents get them," Ben said and added without any prior thought, "Maybe next time you can stay for a visit."

Tom noticed the coy smile cast his way. And the unexpectedly cordial suggestion of "a visit" seemed to have a hidden significance. He smiled back, and said, "I'd like that."

There was nothing unusual in either man's behavior. Each reacted to the encounter as he had countless times before in similar situations, which was: upon seeing a particularly attractive male, one must conceal his true interest and exercise self-control. In both young men, that necessary discipline had become an automatic reflex.

As Tom walked to his car and drove away, he was haunted by 'what-ifs'. What if he was gay like me? What if the invitation to stay for a visit was more than just being polite? What if I could win his affection? What if that affection could mature into love? Sadly, he concluded, it was not at all likely. The encounter was just another instance of meeting someone, wishing he shared your interests, but grudgingly accepting the fact that demographic statistics precluded any hope of satisfying a need.

Ben was more hopeful. Although there was no evidence that ... (What was his name? Tom. Tom Davis.) ... there was no evidence that Tom shared his sexual interests. It was abundantly clear, however, that he was extraordinarily attractive. He resolved to engineer another meeting with the man who had captured his admiration. It was definitely a long shot but another meeting might provide some clues, perhaps a definitive indication of his sexual orientation.

Two days later, Ben called the office of the construction company and asked to speak to Tom Davis. He worried that Tom would not be in the office on a Friday afternoon but smiled with relief when the female voice said, "Just a moment. I'll connect you."

Moments later, Ben heard, "Tom Davis."

"Tom," Ben began, deliberately avoiding the more formal surname greeting, "This is Ben Collins. My parents have reviewed the revised blueprints and have only one comment. I can drop off the blueprints and explain their comment whenever it's convenient for you."

"Any time," Tom replied. "Whenever you're in the neighborhood."

"How about now?" Ben asked. "I can be there in about fifteen minutes."

"That'll be fine. See you soon."

Ben arrived at Tom's office just a few minutes after five. His plan was right on schedule. When Tom greeted him, Ben's heart rate increased slightly. The reason was simple. Unlike when Tom stopped by the house wearing a suit jacket, his upper torso was now covered only by a snug- fitting dress shirt and tie that left no doubt about his well-developed chest and slim waist. Ben struggled to control his reaction to the enticing sight.

Having delivered the blueprints and explained his parents' comment, Ben proceeded to the second stage of his plan. He turned as if to leave but he stopped, turned back to face Tom, paused, and said, "Oh. I almost forgot. I have tickets to a U2 concert tomorrow night. Would you like to join me for dinner and an evening with Bono?"

"How the hell did you get tickets? That concert's been sold out for months."

"Pure luck," Ben replied. "I bought them from a buddy at work who has to leave town to attend a funeral."

"That's tempting," Tom exclaimed. "In fact, it's an offer I can't refuse. Yes, I accept your invitation." Tom's quick agreement was based only in part on the fact that he was a U2 fan. A bigger reason was that it was an opportunity to spend time with someone who had periodically been in his thoughts since a brief but memorable meeting two days ago. It could possibly provide answers to his "What if" questions that frequently intruded into his mind.

They made arrangements-Ben would pick up Tom at six, which would allow almost two hours to eat before attending the concert.

Ben was elated when he left Tom's office. He had paid more than he could easily afford for the tickets but he consoled himself with the thought that it was not an expense. Rather, it was an investment. The potential payoff could be a long-term relationship with an extremely handsome man. Like most investments, there was risk. Tom may be straight. In fact, that was likely. But even so, it would at least eliminate the frustration of wondering and hoping.

Tom had similar thoughts after Ben left. He welcomed the chance to spend some time with Ben who was articulate, congenial, and undeniably handsome. The meal, the concert, the company would make for an enjoyable evening. But he was not as optimistic as Ben about the future. He wouldn't allow himself to hope that a relationship or a loving partnership would develop. No. He had been disappointed too many times in the past when he gingerly hinted at becoming 'more than friends'. The verbal seeds he planted always failed to germinate. More distressingly, on two occasions, his interest in another man was recognized for what it was. The result was losing a friend and suffering painful ridicule, hostility, and persecution. Tom suffered from an acute case of 'hot stove syndrome' (once burned, twice shy). The emotional scars of having his hopes dashed compelled him to be extraordinarily cautious, which, of course, severely diminished any hope of finding-or even attempting to find-a loving partner.

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The conversation at the upscale restaurant began with typical questions and answers of two people who did not know each other well. For Tom, it was no more than a thoroughly enjoyable conversation. For Ben, however, it was both enjoyable AND strategically planned to discover any possibility of a relationship. One that would become, ideally, a loving partnership. But, if Ben's strategy produced information that such a pairing was not possible, he could still consider a more traditional friendship. The latter option, he recognized, would be a mixed blessing. It would be good to have a friend but troublesome if that friend constantly aroused a desire that was out of bounds.

Having ordered their meals, Ben launched the first stage of his planned strategy. "You don't have a wedding ring, Tom. You're not married?"

"No," came the reply. On the surface, the question was merely characteristic of casual 'getting to know each other' banter. However the question subliminally stirred in Tom thoughts of his repressed sexual appetites. But it didn't sound any alarms in his mind so those thoughts were promptly dismissed.

"Surely a handsome guy like you would have a girlfriend ... or maybe several."

Suddenly, Tom's conscious defense mechanisms activated. He sensed that he would have to redirect the conversation to avoid very sensitive questions about his sexual preferences. "I've had a few ... when I was in college. But I don't have time now to get entangled with a girlfriend." He had answered Ben's question and successfully opened the door to a new topic of conversation. Tom continued, "I'm spending most of my time at my job. Because I'm Director of Sales, my evenings are often spent talking to clients-existing ones or prospective ones. Much of the time during the day I have different responsibilities. I help supervise building projects. My summer and part-time construction jobs throughout high school and college gave me experience and insight into what's going well and what might be a problem on a job site."

Tom's transition to a different topic was effective. For the next ten minutes, problems and satisfactions of a job dominated the conversation.

Ben allowed the diversion even though it did not contribute to his goals for the evening. The first goal was to determine Tom's attitude toward homosexuality - tolerant and understanding or condemning disapproval. If it was the former, the second goal would be pursued: was Tom straight or gay? If both those tests were met, the third goal could be sought - sexual intimacy. That goal, of course would require a much longer period of time to achieve than an evening's dinner and a concert.

Ben artfully returned to his earlier quest for information that was important to him. "I suppose it's a good thing that neither of us have a wife or family. That would just be another demand on our time and attention. Right?"

Tom, still not suspicious of Ben's motives, replied, "Yeah. For now. We're both at the beginning of our careers. But at some point, there has to be more than a job in one's life."

Tom's inference that he would like one day to have a partner was clear in wanting a partner but ambiguous as to whether the partner would be male or female. He decided to respond ambiguously, without specifying the gender of a partner. "Agreed. When the time is right, I suppose we'll have to search for a partner."

The waiter brought the salad, interrupting the momentum of the conversation but giving Ben time to devise his next tactic.

While adding dressing to his salad, Ben said, "It seems to me that you'll have no problem finding a partner. You're handsome, congenial, and have a promising future." Without giving Tom a chance to accept or discount the praise, Ben immediately continued, "Lots of guys have a problem finding a soul-mate. Some are socially awkward or shy. Others are, to put it kindly, not very handsome. Still others have bigger problems because their ideal mate is another guy." Ben looked at Tom to see his reaction to the oblique reference to homosexuality. It was best described as a "deer in the headlights" look that persisted for several seconds. Ben couldn't translate it to any single cause. It could have been simple surprise. If so, it was not significant to Ben's objective. Or it could have been an abrupt awakening of Tom's innermost secret and a stimulation of his fears. If that were the case, it signaled the potential (but not the certainty) that his dinner companion shared the same needs.

Ben broke the awkward silence. "I'm sorry if I shocked you with that last statement. But the truth is, there are a number of gays ... a minority, to be sure, but they exist. Are you surprised by my matter-of-fact attitude toward homosexuality? Are you offended by my tolerance of what many think is deviant behavior or immoral?"

"No. I don't condemn people for being what they are." Tom paused before continuing, "There are a lot of religious extremists who think it's sinful. But I disagree. That's just one of a number of reasons why I don't attend church. Sure, churches do a lot of good but in too many ways they can be hypocritical."

Ben deliberately paused, pretending to digest what Tom had said, before replying, "I'm delighted to hear you say that, Tom. It seems we're alike in that regard ... respect differences in people. Different is not better or worse, it's just different. Not accepting that leads to all kinds of problems ... racism ... homophobia ... conflicts ... even wars."

Ben was encouraged by the results of the conversation to this point. His first goal seemed to have been attained; Tom was not homophobic. The second goal -determining whether he was straight - would not be as simple to achieve and would take some time. It would take even longer to achieve the third goal - sexual intimacy. That goal was highly unlikely but definitely worth the required effort and patience.

Following the concert, Ben desperately wanted to invite Tom to his apartment for a nightcap and then to seduce him into spending the night in prolonged carnal pleasure. But he realized that would jeopardize any progress toward his ultimate objective, winning Tom's respect, affection, and love. For reasons he could not yet identify, he was not confident but was hopeful that Tom would ultimately become the loving, life-long partner that he so craved.

Chapter 2: AN EERIE SIMILARITY

Ben lay awake for a long time unable to fall asleep. He was reflecting on the evening. The meal was delicious and the U2 concert was spectacular but he gave them little thought. Instead, he focused on his companion that evening, how well they seemed to get along, and how they progressed from virtual strangers to friendly buddies in the space of a few hours. Yes, Ben smiled to himself. There was good reason to be encouraged. So far at least, events were proceeding in a way consistent with his strategy. His first goal had been achieved; he determined that Tom was not homophobic. The remaining steps toward the ultimate goal - a loving partnership - would have to be carefully planned and flawlessly executed.

Across town, Tom also found it difficult to sleep. Memories of a very pleasant evening were vivid. He enjoyed the meal and the concert but he suddenly realized the conversation with Ben, surprisingly, was the most enjoyable component of the evening. That triggered a cascade of thoughts. 'I genuinely like Ben. I admire his good looks and his personality. I want to see him again. The thought of living with him as a partner is appealing.' That last thought inevitably resulted in imagining Ben naked. His subconscious mind erupted into awareness with a piercing warning message: "WHOA! Control yourself! You must conceal your secret or suffer cruel condemnation!"

The battle between his self-control, carefully nurtured over many years, conflicted with his unmet needs for sex and love. The conflict raged in Tom's mind for a long time without a victor. Dominance alternated between lust for sex - with Ben - and fear of the consequences of being known as gay. The tide of the battle changed, however, as Tom continued to visualize the naked body of his new friend and as his cock engorged. The inhibitions of his subconscious mind were overwhelmed. Tom leisurely fondled and began stroking his now rigid erection. Convinced that solo masturbation was natural and not gay, his primal libido was now in complete control. The pace and vigor of his stroking increased and, fueled by a continuing mental image of Ben's naked body, produced a massive orgasm.

Both Ben and Tom spent the next day, Sunday, in routine tasks but thoughts of each other and of the enjoyment of the previous evening were never far from their mind. Both young men regretted that they had not bothered to get each other's phone number. A simple phone call, each reasoned, would be enjoyable but, more significantly, would aid in establishing a more permanent friendship.

On his lunch hour the next day, Ben called the office of Davis Construction and asked to speak to Tom Davis. "I'm sorry," came the reply. "Mr. Davis is not in the office at the moment. Would you like to leave a message?"

"Yes. This is Ben Collins. Please ask Tom Davis to call me this evening. I can be reached then at 398-8457."

At five o'clock Ben hurried home from work, anxious to talk to Tom. He needn't have rushed. It was after nine when the return call came.

"Hey, Ben. I got your message. What's up?"

"I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed Saturday night. I'd have called you yesterday at home but I didn't have your number. I hope you don't mind a personal call during office hours."

"No problem, pal. It's just that I'm not in the office much. I spend most days checking on job sites and many evenings talking to clients. I would have returned your call sooner but today has been pretty hectic. I hope you're not upset over the delay in responding."

Ben was mildly upset but chose not to say so. "Not at all. I figured you were busy with work."

Tom said, "I also enjoyed the concert; it was fantastic. And talking to you over dinner was particularly enjoyable."

"I agree, Tom. We should do it again sometime."

"Exactly what I was thinking. Is Saturday okay? I'm meeting a client on Friday evening."

"Saturday is fine. How about coming to my apartment for a home-cooked meal? You may recall my telling you that I enjoy cooking ... and I'm pretty good at it. This would be a chance to prove it."

Ben gave Tom his address and Tom said, "I'm looking forward to it. See you then. What time?"

"About six o'clock."

Ben smiled broadly when he hung up the phone. There would be another 'date' with Tom - the second of (hopefully), many more. Ben thought it seemed increasingly possible to achieve his second goal: to determine whether Tom was straight. He had several plans for how to do that. Which alternate plan he would use and when to use it would depend on the situation. He was eager to deploy one of his plans but aware that doing it too soon was unwise and potentially disastrous.

Tom also looked forward to seeing Ben again but a lack of courage - or foresight or cunning or ambition or whatever was required - prevented him from hoping for anything more than a friendship. Consequently, he hadn't thought of any plan as Ben had done. This contrasted sharply with his ability to devise tactics for selling his firm's services and his success in convincing potential clients to sign a contract. But that was business. It was puzzling but true that his talents didn't transfer to matters of the heart. Uncovering another's needs and interests and then tailoring a sales pitch to influence a decision and behavior seemed, to Tom, not applicable to personal relationships.

Ben hung up the phone grinning broadly. He would see Tom again. Another chance to cultivate a friendship. He was particularly pleased that dinner in his apartment, without the risk of being overheard or interrupted by a waiter, seemed to offer the best opportunity to determine whether Tom shared his sexual needs. He knew he would have to be extremely careful in manipulating the conversation. He must not do or say anything that could be interpreted as the devious strategy that it was. It had to be perceived as a casual exchange of ideas.

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Ben opened the door to his apartment and said, "Welcome to my home ... such as it is."

Tom didn't reply. He just stood there, his mouth agape and his eyes roaming all around the apartment's interior. Ben became worried. Was that fear on his friend's face? "Tom! Tom!" Ben said. "Are you all right?" There was no reply, which increased Ben's anxiety significantly. He stepped in front of his friend, grabbed him by the shoulders, and pleaded, "Tom! Tell me what's wrong."

"I can't believe it," Tom intoned mysteriously.

"Can't believe what, Tom?"

"The room. The furniture. The carpet. The drapes. Even the pictures on the walls. EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!"

"What about them, Tom? I don't understand." Receiving no reply, Ben gently pushed and pulled Tom to the nearest easy chair and sat him down. He knelled in front of his seated friend as his concern approached panic level. Something was definitely wrong. But what? This was not the person he had got to know. Now he was not the articulate, genial person that he had been in every previous encounter. "Tom!" he pleaded. "Talk to me. Tell me what's bothering you. Tell me what I can do to help. Please!"

Tom shook his head and starred at Ben's face for what seemed to Ben to be a very long time. Finally, Tom spoke, haltingly but coherently. "This room. Everything about it. It's almost the same as my living room. It's uncanny, Ben. Definitely weird. How could both your place and my place be furnished and decorated like ... well...." He paused before adding, "It's like a mirror image of my own place. Subtle differences, sure, but essentially everything here is like my place. What does it mean? What's the message?"

Finally, Ben understood what had troubled his friend. He was greatly relieved that it wasn't a serious mental or physical condition. But after sweeping away the worry in his mind, Tom's questions registered in his consciousness. Why indeed would both rooms be so similar?

Ben's mind groped for something to say that would explain the similarities and would calm his friend. And would also calm himself. There was a long silence before Ben said, "It's coincidence, Tom, pure and simple. Sure, it's unusual - very unusual - but there's no mystical reason."

"But the similarities stand out, Ben. It's positively eerie. It has to be more than coincidence. What does it mean?"

"I understand. It's remarkable; that's for sure. But it's pure coincidence."

"How can that be, Ben? There has to be a reason. There's got to be a reason."

Tom had settled down. His tensed muscles had relaxed. Puzzlement had replaced fear and confusion in his face. Perhaps he could be persuaded by an explanation.

Ben's answer was a long one. "It's called apophenia, something I learned about in college. Big word. Simple concept. Our conscious mind is programmed to seek out cause and effect ... or invent it if necessary. We think that some coincidences are so extraordinary they must have a meaning. But the reality is that coincidences are a routine part of life. Our brain INVENTS an explanation ... possibly that some force caused it to happen. We therefore think it's some kind of miracle. The point is this. Any meaning applied to a coincidence comes from your subconscious mind. Sometimes your subconscious can't fabricate a cause-effect relationship. So you're left with a mystery: What caused the improbable coincidence? Nothing 'caused' it. It just happened. By pure chance. You're left wondering: What does it mean?" Ben paused. He sensed that Tom was not accepting the logic of the explanation ... and any further attempts to explain away the coincidence would be futile. So he switched tactics and said, "Your living room and mine are similar. That's unusual but it does not mean some mystical force is behind it."

Tom thought about what he heard for a short time without accepting its validity. "Maybe you're right, Ben. But I still think it's totally weird. It's got to be more than pure chance."

Ben chose not to argue the point and took a different tack. "Obviously, we have the same tastes. It's as simple as that, Tom. So the similarity in the rooms is not all that surprising. In the short time we've known each other it's become clear that we like the same music. We have the same sense of humor. We like or dislike the same foods. Surely you've noticed that. There are differences between us, to be sure. Our childhood, our families, our choice of career ... but our tastes are very much alike. It only makes sense that we would furnish our homes alike."

"If you say so," Tom replied unconvincingly.

In spite of Ben's preference for facts, evidence, and logic, he couldn't help wondering if some supernatural force might be, after all, at play. If so, what might it mean for his strategic plan to partner with Tom? He dismissed the idea that some unknown force had been manifest and criticized himself for even speculating about such a possibility. It was a silly notion that defied logic.

The meal was delicious and Tom repeatedly complimented Ben on his culinary skill. The compliments were sincere but were periodic departures from Tom's persistent, detached, and distracted mood, which was markedly different than the friendly talkativeness that characterized the two young men's previous times together. Ben had hoped to pursue his plan - to find out Tom's sexual preferences - but the atmosphere of the conversation was not right. It would have to be put aside for another time. Still, Ben was concerned about what was bothering his guest. After desert, he felt compelled to ask, "Are you all right, Tom? You don't seem to be yourself tonight."

Tom paused, trying to decide whether to confess what was on his mind. He took a slow sip of wine to make the delay in answering less noticeable. Finally, he said, "I apologize, Ben. I haven't been very good company. Let me try to explain. You think the similarity in our homes is nothing more than random chance. I disagree. I think there's some kind of significance behind it. When I first saw your apartment, I didn't know what to think. But I've given it more thought. And I'm even more convinced that there's a reason for the similarity."

"Of course. The reason is just chance. The coincidence of our having similar tastes in lots of things. Food, music, sense of humor, that kind of stuff."

"I think you're wrong, Ben. Sure, we're alike in many ways. But that's just a manifestation of something more fundamental."

"And what would that be?" Ben asked.

Tom broke eye contact and squirmed nervously. He was hesitant to answer the question - a simple question but one whose answer had potentially dangerous implications. The first reason Tom was hesitant to answer Ben's question was that Ben had been so confident that random events can occur together. He had claimed that the mind naturally seeks some cause and effect relationship. Coincidences only appear to be connected or caused by some unknown force. Ben obviously relied on logic and was not receptive to theories that cannot be substantiated by facts and evidence. Tom, by contrast, often relied on intuition. That was one of the differences - among many similarities - between the two new friends. And it was a gulf that might be difficult or impossible to reconcile. Tom had similar conversations in the past with other friends who called his beliefs 'supernatural poppycock'. Significantly, the result was damage to the friendship. He didn't want that to happen again. Not now. Not with Ben. Protecting the friendship with Ben was a high priority. Jeopardizing this friendship, perhaps irreparably, must not be allowed.

The second reason for Tom's hesitancy to press his case for an unknown force causing the similarity in home decor was potentially more volatile and hazardous. It would require divulging a secret that he had diligently kept hidden from everyone, a secret that, if known to Ben, could very well irreparably damage their friendship.

Tom weighed his options. He was confronted with a Hobson's choice. He could decline to answer Ben's question, which would leave the issue fermenting in Ben's mind. Not acceptable. Or he could explain his speculative theory. Not satisfactory because Ben relied exclusively on facts, evidence, and logic - none of which were elements in Tom's belief in a mysterious cause. Moreover, it might create a barrier to their friendship the seeds of which had already been sown.

Eventually, Tom chose an escape route from his dilemma. "I believe there's meaning to the similarities. You've dismissed that possibility and believe it's just chance. Can we agree to disagree, Ben?" he asked.

Ben, who wanted even more than Tom to maintain the friendship and held on to a hope that they might become lovers, yielded to Tom's compromise. "Yes," he grinned. "I suppose that'll be one way we're different."

Chapter 3: DUELING STRATEGIES

Both Ben and Tom accepted their difference of opinion in order to avoid an argument and moved on to less controversial topics. They thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the evening. At nearly midnight, Tom reluctantly said he would be going home.

Ben regretted that there had been no opportunity to steer the conversation in a direction that would discover Tom's sexual orientation. Or was it, he wondered, his own timidity and fear that kept him from probing? It was agonizing to balance the compelling need to nurture a friendship versus the equally compelling desire for an intimate relationship. If Tom had no desire for gay sex, any romantic comments or sexual innuendo would be resented and might doom the friendship. The frustration of not knowing Tom's sexual orientation and not daring to ask was deeply troubling.

As Tom drove home the remarkable likeness of the two apartments haunted his thoughts. As he got ready for bed, however, he consciously suppressed worrying about the inexplicable similarity and its uncertain meaning. When he finally lay in bed, the puzzle of the twin apartments had been set aside. His thoughts turned to how much he had come to like Ben. They had known each other for a very short time but they got along extremely well. He thoroughly enjoyed being with Ben. It was a friendship that was qualitatively different than any other Tom had experienced in the past. He asked himself, "Why was that?" What made it different - and better - than countless other friendships? Before he could answer those questions, he got distracted.

He customarily slept nude. It felt liberating to be free of confining clothing. Even loose fitting pajamas diminished the comfort of completely relaxing. Moreover, shedding his clothing completely was a physical manifestation of an emotional need: the wish to no longer hide his true nature behind a facade of 'acceptable' sexuality. And inevitably it facilitated fondling his cock. If he was tired or not in the mood, he would merely cup his flaccid cock and balls in a hand and drift off to sleep. Frequently, however, his cock responded to the attention and he would masturbate.

In spite of the late hour, Tom was not tired so the routine stimulation of his dick resulted in its quickly becoming rigid. He threw back the covers and glanced downward. The moonlight streaming through the window was just enough to cast a soft light on his naked body, which intensified his arousal and the urge to achieve an orgasm.

It was his habit to conjure up a mental image of one or another male - a workman on a job site, an actor in a TV show, a stranger shopping at the Mall, any male who was fit and handsome. The practice first began when he was eight years old. At that time, wondering what his playmate's weenie looked like was simple curiosity and without any sexual overtones. But it became an erotic stimulant when he passed through puberty. The visualization was rendered in higher fidelity when he was in high school. Seeing other students naked after Phys Ed in a communal shower room left clear images that he could call up at night in bed. The mental images always heightened his pleasure when his orgasm overwhelmed his mind and body. Because it enhanced the experience, he nearly always accompanied his masturbation with a vision of an attractive, naked male. The frequency of mentally fabricating an erotic image resulted in his becoming quite skilled ... almost to the point of regarding his mind's creation as an actual witness to his masturbation. (The habit and skill of visualizing someone nude had a down side, however. He had to control his urge to mentally undress real people during the day. That could produce an embarrassing bulge in his crotch. Restraining his ability to visually imagine what lay beneath another's clothing was incorporated into his disciplined concealment of his true sexual appetites.)

On this night, he pictured in his mind a naked Ben, standing at the foot of the bed. Tom's hormones went into overdrive. Wanting to prolong the vision he had created for himself, he pumped his own cock very slowly to delay the climax. He imagined Ben's image doing the same. Tom and his virtual companion remained in sync as the pace of their stroking gradually increased. The result was astonishing. Tom found the experience several times more erotic and the orgasm several times more copious and gratifying.

When he recovered, he puzzled over why his orgasm had been so intense. Could it have been that his mind was focused on an image of a naked Ben? Why would that have such a powerful effect on his arousal and on the intensity of his orgasm? He had mentally undressed multiple men before without such an overwhelming effect. After considerable thought he theorized that the most likely cause was his strong liking for his new friend.

It was the first time he drew such a clear distinction between raw sexual gratification of primal urges and a second element-emotional bonding with another person. The latter significantly amplified the satisfaction of sex. That epiphany caused a fundamental recasting of his concept of what it means to be gay. The goal was no longer mere physical sex with another male. The new goal was a permanent, devoted relationship founded on mutual affection. Sexual gratification, as pleasant as it was, was secondary to loving and being loved by another man.

Prior to having those thoughts, he had sometimes wished for a relationship with another man. But he rarely if ever considered it to be possible. The fear of persecution for being sexually "deviant" had driven him so deep in the closet that any thought, however fanciful, of having an intimate, loving relationship with a man was instantly, subconsciously, inevitably labeled a pipe-dream never to be realized. Now, however, Tom allowed himself to wish that he and Ben might elevate their friendship to another level. Provided, of course, that his friend was gay, which, realistically, was very improbable. But definitely worth finding out. Before falling asleep, Tom resolved to use his interpersonal skills to find out. They had served him well at work - sensing clients' needs, hesitations, agreement or disagreement, and mood. Perhaps they would also serve him well in detecting Ben's interests in a relationship.

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It was perfect weather on the beach: clear sky, moderately warm, gentle breeze. Tom and Ben had come to enjoy the Gulf of Mexico and, more importantly, each other's company.

Each of the young men, fearing his dick's reaction upon seeing his good friend nearly nude, had worn his swim trunks in place of underwear beneath his Bermuda shorts. When they took off their tee shirts, exposing their bare upper bodies, the effect was predictable. Each of them became aroused by the sight of a bared and very appealing torso. Their chests were masculine and symbolized virility. Ben's was moderately hairy; Tom's was sculpted and muscular-a result of working construction throughout high school and college. When they removed their sandals and Bermuda shorts neither young man allowed himself more than a quick glance at the bulge in the fabric of his friend's swim trunks. Any prolonged inspection of the other's nearly bare body would surely have caused his own penis to embarrassingly engorge. Still, each had to struggle to conceal the perceptible growth of the bulge in his crotch.

Each young man hoped there would be an opportunity to execute his plan for determining his friend's sexuality. Neither was aware that his friend shared the identical goal.

The two plans differed in an important way. Ben would steer the conversation with comments and questions but he had not generated any specific questions in advance. His execution of his plan (vague as it was) would depend on the situation and, ultimately, on Tom's response. It was a loose, flexible strategy. And one with considerable risk. If Tom was not gay, he might be offended and possibly break off the friendship. But Ben reasoned that the situation was very much like one Tom had mentioned in a previous conversation. Ben had asked if Tom's job of selling his company's services was difficult. Tom replied, "It sometimes is. I'm not always successful in winning over a prospective customer. But the measure of a man is not how many victories he has but in whether he gets up after a defeat and tries again. When I fail, I don't cry and moan. It's not the end of the world. I get up and try again." Ben reflected on what Tom had said and decided that even if he stumbled in following his plan and alienated Tom it would not be the end of the world. There would be other opportunities to pursue a partnership of a like-minded guy.

Tom's plan, however, was far more focused. Like Ben, he would use comments and questions to steer the conversation. But unlike Ben, he had mentally developed an arsenal of questions and comments. Extemporaneous conversation was too unpredictable and therefore ineffective. Moreover, Tom had mastered a skill that would virtually guarantee achieving his objective. He would meticulously observe momentary facial expressions called microexpressions that were very subtle, split-second short, and completely involuntary.. They often contradict a consciously formed, socially and politically correct spoken reply. Significantly, they would more accurately than anything he said reveal Ben's true feelings. Tom could, for example, point out a muscular man and say, "Wow, look at that guy." He would observe how Ben reacted - for only the briefest moment. The immediate and lightening- fast facial expression would reveal genuine feelings and not be hidden behind a conscious facade of socially acceptable behavior.

A lot depended on his skill to spot and correctly interpret barely detectible facial expressions. But he had been practicing since learning about microexpressions in a college psychology class. He often used his skill when dealing with clients. It was valuable to know a client's reaction that frequently differed from the spoken response. But he very rarely used his skill in routine social interactions because, first, it demanded intense concentration and, second, it was seldom important be so exacting. But the current situation was quite different. The chance - however small - of achieving a loving relationship with Ben was worth the effort. Sensing Ben's reaction to comments and questions by 'reading' his microexpressions was extremely important. It could reveal feelings that would not ordinarily be expressed. Yes, it was definitely worth the effort.

They had been lounging on the beach under the shade of an umbrella for only a short time when Tom set his plan in motion. He would first establish what he called a "base-line" by employing bland comments and innocuous questions followed by mildly controversial ones. He would take careful note of Ben's immediate - almost imperceptible - reaction, which would indicate any feelings of stress, fear, or confusion. Within a few minutes, Tom had observed enough to be confident about interpreting subsequent reactions. The time was right to implement his strategy.

Ben, of course, had a similar objective: to ascertain his friend's sexual preference. But his strategy was not fortified with the perceptive skill that Tom had developed nor did he have a planned set of possible remarks. Consequently, he was overly cautious in beginning to lead the conversation. While Ben was fearful of losing a friend, Tom had no such handicap because he could, if necessary, abandon his tactics long before Ben was even remotely aware consciously that Tom was in complete control of the conversation and was expertly steering the conversation toward potentially sensitive attitudes and appetites.

In less than ten minutes of directing the conversation and gauging Ben's responses, Tom was almost positive that his friend was, like him, a closeted gay. Tom then made a tactical error by confronting Ben with "You're gay, aren't you?"

Ben reacted with a firm "NO!" The denial originated not in his rational, conscious thinking. Rather, it sprang from a deeply ingrained and habitual imperative not to let anyone know his secret yearnings. But a microexpression preceded the outburst, which confirmed to Tom that Ben was gay like him.

Tom chastised himself for the thoughtlessness of his confrontation and his mind raced to repair the damage. "I apologize, Ben, for being inconsiderate. You must have heard my question as a challenge. That's the last thing I wanted." He paused momentarily to decide whether to explain his bluntness. "I have to apologize for something else, Ben. I used a tactic on you that I use on my clients. After a lot of study and practice, I've learned how to tell what people are really thinking ... which is often not what they would ever admit. Using that skill, I was able to determine not only that you're gay but that you're deep in the closet. JUST LIKE ME!"

Ben was speechless while he stared at Tom and tried to digest what he had heard. Eventually, he sputtered, "You mean...? Are you....? Really?"

"Yes, Ben. I'm gay. You're the only person in the world who knows that. What's more, I'm attracted to you. I've never met another guy who I felt such affection for. I just hope that you can learn to like me as much as I like you."

"I like you now, Tom. I was attracted to you when I met you at your parents' house. I became fond of you when we had dinner and attended the concert."

Tom laughed. "So we're a matched pair. What more could we want?"

Ben joined in the laughter and said, "I had no idea that you were gay. But you found out about me. Just how did you do that?

Tom explained microexpressions and concluded with a promise, "I will never use that skill with you again. It seems almost like an invasion of someone's privacy ... or at a minimum, it's manipulative. Which is okay in business ... at least some of the time ... if it provides a better service or product to the buyer. But it's not something one should do between good friend who respect and trust each other."

After a short pause, Ben said, "I'd like to lean how to read microexpressions. Will you teach me? Help me practice?"

"If you like," Tom replied. "But it will take a lot of practice. It may take several weeks."

Midway through the first lesson as they relaxed on the beach, Ben said, "I guess I'll have to be on guard because you will always know my true feelings.'

"First of all, Ben, I promised I would never again use my skill with you. But, of course, you will be able to do the same with me. So can we agree never to use our skill with each other?"

"Agreed" Ben replied, "Let's also promise to always be completely honest with each other. Then there would be no need to probe into our subconscious minds."

"I like your idea," Tom enthused. "Starting right now we'll be completely open and honest with each other."

"Yes, Ben laughed.

"Great! So here's my first dose of total honesty. It's in the form of a suggestion. We'd planned to spend the whole day on the beach. Let's go back home instead. And spend the rest of the day indulging in sexual pleasures. It's something both of us want."

Ben broke out into a broad grin and exclaimed, "Let's do it! Your place or mine?"

"Doesn't matter, does it? They're identical. Remember?"

To be continued