An Outlaws Christmas Evan Andrews 2020
Some folks have told me they miss my superhero stories, so here is one to tide you over until I get back to that genre.
Have a Merry Christmas, or a Salacious Saturnalia, or a kick-ass whatever floats your boat.
This is a fan fiction.
The characters depicted in it belong to and are trademarked and copyrighted by DC Comics and/or its subsidiaries. I am not related to the company and make no claim of ownership over the characters.
It is set before Red Hood and Arsenal joined forces. Don't ask me in which DC continuity because I've given up trying to keep track of the retcons. Or the retcons within retcons.
This story should in no way be considered a true representation of the true sexuality of the characters.
The story depicts males in sexual situations with other males. If that offends you, if you are underage, or if reading such is illegal where you are please stop reading now. Thank you.
If you enjoy this story, or even if you hate it, please contribute to keeping Nifty going at http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html
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A brooding young man in black clothes sat astride a black bike in the dark alley across from the bank. The only touch of color was the red bat emblazoned across his chest and the red cowl that covered his head. The weather was frightful—the perfect cover for doing no good—and it fit. Few of the young man's Christmas Eves had ever been jolly. Apparently, though, not everybody had such glum associations with the day.
Every Christmas Eve for the past five years, a major bank in and around Dark City had been hit by a band of expert thieves. They bypassed the most sophisticated electronic security systems, picked every lock, and cracked unbreakable safes before making away with—no, not the money. Never anything as simple as money. This gang targeted safety deposit boxes and had had acquired an eclectic assortment of prizes in their punctiliously punctuated career. Neither the banks nor the police were certain what exactly had been taken because the victims had been surprisingly reticent about details. As a result, what and how much the crooks had actually made off with remained a mystery.
Well, the man in black, Jason Todd, the notorious Red Hood, had decided that this year things were going to go down differently. To that end, he'd hacked into the computer in the Batcave using a backdoor he had set up years before—just in case—and the computer had thought for only a minute before spitting out the name of this bank as the gang's next likely target. So, here he was, freezing his balls off, waiting, and waiting, and waiting. This doing good stuff was uncomfortable but fuck it. He was here to catch a bad guy.
The bank itself was a 1930s building that had been gutted sometime in the 90s so that its federal facade could house a modern financial cyber-monster. Unlike most modern financial institutions, though, it retained the circular clock jutting out in front. Jason watched, patiently, as the hands slouched slowly towards midnight. He must have been too intent on the street because unexpectedly a hand touched his shoulder. He leapt, turned, drew, and saw what he first took to be an elf escaped from the North Pole. Except the elf was like six feet tall, and elves wore green, didn't they? Not red? Who the fuck wore all that red? Then it clicked, and he realized he was looking at one of Nightwing's old friends, a former Teen Titan, Speedy, who was now calling himself Arsenal.
Arsenal wore nothing more than a sleeveless red body suit and baseball cap. Jason appreciated the blatant "fuck you" to the weather, but damn how was this guy not a herocicle? Tattoos wrapped sinewy arms, and red hair escaped from under the cap making the hero look more disreputable than Jason himself. He held a bow in his other hand, and a quiver of arrows hung over his shoulder.
"Dammit," Jason thought, "This guy is not going to fuck up my redemption storyline."
"What are you doing here, Red?" Jason whispered, husking like Batman.
"Probably the same thing you are," Arsenal said with a smirk, "I'm here to catch the Christmas Eve Gang in the act, and I'm guessing you are too."
"And what makes you think they're going to hit here?"
Jason was pissed off, and he didn't try to conceal it.
"Easy," said Arsenal flippantly, "I asked Nightwing. He's bright that way. He told me that you'd been at the Batcomputer and that I should expect to find you here."
"Fuck. Don't tell me..." Jason started.
He was not about to put up with Mr. Knight in Shining Armor horning in. This was Jason's case and his alone.
"Don't get your boxers or briefs in a twist," Arsenal cut him off, "Our mutual friend, like so many other big name heroes, has another appointment tonight. This is all small potatoes, not something to interest the guys who get their names on the cover."
"Yeah, that sounds right," said Jason.
"After all, so long as they have folks like you and me to step into the breach, why sweat the small stuff," said Arsenal, "Plus, Nightwing guessed you wouldn't appreciate him dropping in. So, whaddaya say. Can you use backup tonight?"
Jason didn't know whether to go hunt down Nightwing and slap his condescending face into the next issue or to be glad that this grinning ex-sidekick hadn't said partner.
Suddenly the sweet sound of sleigh bells floated down towards them, interrupting the conversation. A vintage red Impala convertible with the vanity plate NPOLE5 flew down out of the sky and landed right smack dab in front of the bank—in the handicapped space no less. Flew. Where the hell did these goons get a flying car? The car's headlights flashed as the anti-theft system kicked in. Five guys that looked like they'd escaped from some college frat hopped out of the car and headed straight for the front door. Jason thought for only a second before deciding that two to five was better odds than one to five.
"Sure," he whispered, "Keep up and keep close."
When Jason looked back at the bank, one of the gang members already had the door open—no alarms tripped, no lights flashing, no horns blaring—nothing. He held the door and followed as the rest slid quietly into the building.
"Dammit, Red, how did he do that so fast?"
"Call me Roy—at least when we're alone. And I have no idea how superpowers work. Maybe he's just a wizard at opening things like I'm a wizard with the bow and arrow and Batman's a wizard at spending billions to look all dark knight."
Jason glowered, but Roy said, "Look are you going to just angst over whatever beef you have with the Bat Family, or shall we stop this robbery?"
"You're right. Robbery, then angst," Jason said, "Let's go."
Together the young heroes charged across the street and into bank. The lockpick slash safecrack guy—or whatever he was—was already at work on the vault. Beside him stood a guy with some of scroll. The other three—one big and muscled, one wiry (the driver), and a last one sort of run of the mill who seemed to be fascinated by the bank's cheap artificial Christmas tree—stood back in reserve. In the interior light, Jason could make out that they wore the usual dark trousers, but instead of sweatshirts they had ugly Christmas sweaters and red, white, and green knit caps sat on their heads. Oh, and the caps had reindeer antlers on them. Jason rolled his eyes. He supposed it was no worse than cats or birds, jokes or riddles, but damn college boys.
"Well, well, well," Jason said clearly in his menacing Red Hood voice, "What do we have here?"
The gang froze, except for Safecrack Guy. Slowly they turned to look at heroes. Three kept straight faces, but the one with the scroll suddenly broke into a wicked smile.
"I might ask you the same thing," Scroll Guy said, "Let's check."
The scroll, well, scrolled between his hands and came to a sudden stop.
"Why I do declare," he said, "Jason Todd, aka the Red Hood. You've been a very naughty boy—no, don't argue; we both know it's true. There's going to be a lump of coal in your stocking for sure."
"Oh come on," Roy said, exasperated, "Cut the visit with Santa crap."
He had his bow drawn and already had a bead on Scroll Guy.
"Drop your shopping list," the red archer said, "And all of you get your hands in the air."
"Yes, and Roy Harper," Scroll Guy continued, "Not so naughty as Jason here, but going by your past, I say just give it time and you'll be giving him a run for his money."
He looked down at the scroll again, "Interesting. You have you been busy little bees, haven't you?"
"And we're about to be busier," said Jason, "We're here to put an end to your crime spree. Your bank robbing days are over."
"How adorably noble. A pity you won't be able to make good on the threat."
Jason and Roy, menacingly, took a further step into the bank, and Scroll Guy said, "Decker, would you?"
The guy by the Christmas tree waved a hand, and the heroes froze in place.
"Got them, Lister," Christmas Tree Guy, Decker apparently, said.
"What the fuck!" Jason swore.
It wasn't that Jason couldn't move, but he just didn't want to, at least not towards the robbers. There was something more important he had to do, not that he knew precisely what it was.
"Language," Scroll Guy said with a smile, "But I suppose old habits are hard to break."
"Hood," Roy said, "What's happening?! I can't move!"
Decker smiled wickedly and said, "Just a little holiday magic. Look where you are."
The heroes looked up at the ceiling where festoons of holly drooped. Right in the middle of the entranceway, right over top of them, hung a big bunch of mistletoe.
"Kisses, anyone?" Decker said.
Kiss, yeah that sounded perfect.
Jason turned and found himself suddenly wrapped up in Roy's lanky arms. Clearly Roy had reached the same conclusion. The red archer ground against Jason's body, breaking off only long enough to dispose of Jason's cowl. As the cowl struck the ground Jason' shaggy head of fine red hair came into view, and the two heroes fell into a kiss. Roy kept his mask, but his cap fell off as their kiss deepened, leaving his own red hair free. There was nothing in this kiss as innocent as a family Christmas get together or office Christmas party mistletoe kiss. The magic, if that's what it was, coursed through them, and they found themselves caught up in the most passionate liplock that either could remember.
"Damn, Hood," Roy panted when they momentarily came up for air, "I never knew you had it in you."
"Shut up and show me how you can use that tongue, Arse," Jason ordered.
Wait, had he just said that? Where had that come from? But it didn't matter because they were at one another again, kissing like it was going out of style.
The gang, all of them now that Safecrack Guy had finished, stood around them staring at the show.
"Good work, Decker," Lister said.
"Thanks, Lister," Decker said as he rubbed at his crotch, "Let's just say I was inspired."
"Yeah, you and your internet porn fixation..." said the Big Guy.
"And your candid superhero nudies," said the driver.
"Can it, Toys," Lister said, "You too, Sleighride. In'n'out, are we clear to go?"
"We are if you can tear yourselves away from gawking at Romeo and Julio there, yeah," the safecracker said.
"Okay then. Gang, let's do it."
Four of them immediately headed for the vault, but Decker grinned one more time and said, "Yeah, tear away. That sounds a great idea."
His eye twinkled, really twinkled, and Jason and Roy suddenly found themselves tearing at one another's' clothes, desperate to get their costumes off.
"Wow," Jason thought as he slid Roy's jumpsuit over his hips, "Who knew that that red suit was hiding such a sexy beast."
Their clothes hit the floor only a moment before they themselves did. Their kiss lasted only a moment longer before the now naked Roy wriggled out of Jason's embrace and twisted round.
The redhead grabbed himself a fistful of Jason's prick, and the dark hero thought, "Fuck, he's really going to..."
"Aaaaaah!" Jason cried as Roy swallowed Jason's length with what actually was professional skill.
Jason thrilled at the all but electric shock that ran from his piss-slit all the way up to his cranium. Roy's mouth felt so good, and his cock-sucking skills were incredible. It was as if he didn't need any magical aid to amp up his prowess. The one-time junkie rent boy had broken free of whatever corner of Roy's mind he'd been relegated to and took charge with decision. The red archer slammed his face up and down on Jason's steel-hard cock while the dark hero moaned and writhed under the assault.
Not that that lasted, of course. The mistletoe's magic didn't allow the congress to remain one-sided. Jason stared at Roy's bobbing cock and knew he had to get a taste for himself. The fact that he'd never done anything like this was immaterial. He steadied the rod of man-meat and guided the fat head into his mouth. Wow. The taste. The taste was like nothing Jason could have expected, and he loved it! He had to have more, and he knew the way to get it was to get down to some serious sucking. He took stock of the way Roy was sucking him and did his best to follow suit.
Even though sucking dick was foremost in their minds, they could also hear Lister in the vault.
"That one there," the brains of the gang said, "That guy's been naughty as all get out. And that one there. Sweet St. Nicholas, the naughtiest people use this bank."
After a half hour of identifying and opening boxes, the Christmas Eve Gang emerged with bags slung over their shoulders like preppy Santas heading out to the Impala They stepped around the frantic sixty-nine to do so, but when they came back in they found their obstacle had changed. The mistletoe had upped the ante on Jason and Roy once again, and the heroes were eating out each other's butt-holes.
"I can see where this is heading," Lister said, shaking his head, "Decker, can you get them to the next level while we finish up in the vault?"
"No sooner said..." Decker said, waving his hand again.
The heroes flipped once more, but this time Roy found himself on all fours, his chest and face pressed to the floor, while Jason got up on his toes. He rolled back his foreskin and pressed the head of his cock against Roy's anal pucker.
"Give it to me, Hood," Roy whimpered, and then he squealed as Jason's rigid length began to invade his guts.
"Yes!" Roy screamed, "Like that! Fill me up, Hood! Fuck me!"
Jason didn't need to be told twice. In truth under the influence of the mistletoe he didn't even need to be told once. He never knew it could be so hot to have Roy underneath him begging to be fucked into the new year.
Decker giggled and said, "Have fun, boys," before running off to help secure a second load.
When the robbers came out of the vault for the second and last time, the heroes had flipped once more. Jason was now on his back, his legs spread wide, and Roy was on top, fucking him deep and kissing him hard. Lister looked at the scroll and shrugged.
"Well, I didn't see that coming," the robber said, "I took Jason to be top all the way."
"Oh, fuck," Jason moaned, proving how wrong Lister had been, "Fuck me, Arse! Yeah, just like that. I'm so close... So, argh!"
"Well, if we hang around we'll see them both cumming," Toys, the big guy, said, bored by the attention the heroes were eliciting, "And the cops too. Can we just get out of here?"
"You're right," Lister said, "Go get everything stowed, and, Sleighride, you get the car warmed up. Decker and I need to make sure these two are not in any position to follow us."
Packs were transferred, and Toys, In'n'out, and Sleighride left the building.
"Decker, can you come up with something effective, but festive?" Lister said.
Decker looked up at the rest of the garland, grinned, and said, "Brother, just leave it to me."
Lister walked out, and Decker waved the garland into motion. It looped as it fell and landed on top of the heroes as a net. The mistletoe fell with it, too, suddenly freeing the heroes free of its merry control.
"Wha..." Jason said, realizing fully at last where he was and what he was doing, or at least what was being done to him. Then he cursed, "Damn it, Arse, get your cock out of my ass!"
"Fuh, fuh, can't!" Roy gasped, either he was still under the influence or he was just putting on a good show.
"Must... fuck.. cumming!" and that said, Roy's cock sprayed his load into Jason's raw hole.
"Oh, fuck!" Jason cried.
The pulsing of Roy's cock had pushed just the right button, and Jason's dick let loose its own spew of jizz painting both his chest and Roy's belly. Lying there exhausted, they glanced up groggily at the remaining robber who tightened the net with a twiddling of his fingers.
"Sorry to do this, boys," Decker said as he made for the door, "But that's how the Christmas cookie crumbles. Hey, In, can you set off the alarm now?!"
"Done," came the reply from just outside just as the bells began to clang, "Now get your fa-la-la-la-la ass out of here so we can leave."
Decker nodded to the heroes one last time and pulled off his knit cap.
"Give our best to the coppers when they show up!" he smirked and slipped out.
The Impala revved up with the sound of sleigh bells, and if you listened hard you could make out the cry as it took to the air.
"And to all a good night!"
"Pointed ears," Roy said when the sleigh bells could no longer be heard, "That guy had fucking pointed ears."
"Thank you, Captain Obvious. I bet they all do."
Roy looked stunned for a moment and then shook his head and said, "Okay, Santa's elves. I'll scream later. Right now, do you have some way to get loose from a net like this? Some secret technique you learned from Batman, or from Ras al-Ghul, or from whatever super-secret ninja academy you were at? `Cause I'm not eager to face the police right now, especially not naked and in this compromising position."
"Give me a minute."
"I just hope we have one."
Jason called on every contortionism and yoga trick he'd ever learned trying to reach his belt where it lay on the floor.
"Uh, Jason," Roy said, "You squirming around is getting Little Roy all worked up for a second round, just in case you hadn't noticed. We don't really want round two just now, do we?"
"Yeah I had noticed Little Roy," Jason said, "Keep your pants on."
"I think it's a bit too late for that piece of practical advice," Roy said, his humor suring back into place.
Jason managed to extract a knife from his utility belt and twisted his wrist to get the blade in position to make the first cut in the net.
In the distance, they could faintly hear police sirens.
"Uh, Jason," Roy said.
"Got it!" Jason said as he made a few more strategic cuts, "Now push!"
Twisting and straining, the two heroes were soon able to wriggle out of the scratchy net.
"Ouch and dammit," Roy said.
"Screw the ouch," Jason said, "Let's get out of here!"
They grabbed their clothes off the floor and rushed out the door into December night.
"Fuck!" Jason cursed as he stumbled across the freezing asphalt in bare feet, "I'm going to freeze out here!"
"My van's parked a block over, at the other end of the alley. Let's grab your bike and head for it."
They stormed into the alley where Jason stopped by his bike. He started to straddle it, but Roy held up a hand.
"Look," Roy said, "You try to ride off on that with no clothes on, and while you might outrun the cops you'll definitely need the Lazarus Pit again. Get that thing rolling and follow me."
The way Roy was suddenly taking charge stuck a "Yes, Batman" chord with Jason. He got the bike off its kickstand and pushed it after the retreating redhead. Around the corner, he found Roy standing beside a non-descript van having just opened the rear doors. The van's vanity plates read "Speedy" of course. No ego problems with this guy.
"Get it in," the red archer said as he clambered into the van, "I'll get the heater going."
It took a moment, but Jason got his bike up into the back and pulled the doors closed just as police cars pulled up at the other end of the alley. The cars emptied, and a dozen boys in blue charged into the bank.
"Get us out of here, Roy," Jason called, and Roy stepped on the gas.
Jason got his bike strapped down—he didn't want to ask why Roy had all these straps in the back of his van—and joined the now maskless Roy up front, taking shotgun. Warm air blew out of the vents, and Jason finally started to thaw and relax.
"Hold the wheel for a second, would you?" Roy said, "I want to get my jockeys on before I go any further. And having a shirt on will make us look less suspicious if anyone is curious."
Jason held the wheel as Roy pulled a pair of red—of course they were red—briefs up his legs and shrugged into a red tee-shirt. Then Roy took the wheel back so Jason could pull on some clothes himself, squarecuts and a black teeshirt. The redhead got the van onto a main drag and aimed them in the general direction of the hell out of Dodge.
"You have any good idea of a place nearby where we can hole up for a while, Jase?" Roy asked.
"Jason," Jason corrected him, "Nobody alive gets to call me Jase. And while we're on it can you forget the `Hood'? If you need to use a name in public, say Red Hood. Just Hood is too suggestive."
Jason grabbed his crotch, and Roy remembered vividly the ample hood that he'd been working up and down over Jason's cockhead not that many minutes before.
"Yeah, sure. I understand. And while we're on it, can you leave off the `Arse'? Especially if you plan to ram mine in public again."
Jason nodded, "Never again. Scout's honor."
"Scouts, yeah. That's us. A couple of fucking boy scouts."
As they rolled out of town, Roy following Jason's directions, Roy said, "By the way, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Shoot."
When did you go ginger?"
It was not the question Jason had been expecting, so he answered it.
"I was always a redhead. But Batman wanted his Robins all to look alike for some reason, so I dyed it. It can't have fooled a single person into thinking I was Nightwing, but you don't argue with Big Bats. Then when I went to prison, I let it go back to its normal color because fuck you Bruce," Jason said, "Why do you ask?"
"Just.. Oh nothing. I was just thinking I bet we made quite a sight back there. Two hot hung horny redheads going at one another."
"That was because of the magic," Jason said.
"Could be. Could be magic," Roy nodded at Jason's basket and said, "I only mention it because it looks like you might be up for that second round we were talking about in the bank."
Jason looked down. He was hard. What the fuck? He'd never had had feelings for a guy before. Then he glanced up and saw a spring of the damned mistletoe caught in the fun fur glued to the ceiling.
"You little shit."
"Hey, what's good for the goose is good for a gander. And this goose is totally loose, too."
Roy grabbed the pouch of his red briefs and showed his own hard-on straining against the fabric. Jason stared before realizing he was doing so, and he noticed that his own cock was throbbing. Somebody was interested. Maybe that mistletoe trip had jarred open a stuck door in his mind.
Jason could only laugh, "Okay already. Let's get to the safe house, and then we'll see."
Not much later Roy turned the van into the drive of a farmhouse and pulled around back.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Roy said as Jason opened his door.
"Only one way to find out," Jason said, leading the way into the kitchen and then to an upstairs bedroom.
An hour later, cuddled up under a blanket, Roy said, "Well, if you weren't sure you put on a hell of an act."
"Always did," Jason said, "Probably always will."
"So, what do you want to do now? I mean this bed is nice and comfy, but should we go after the Christmas Even Gang, since we have an idea where they are."
"Does your van fly?" Jason asked.
"No."
"Neither does my bike, and I am not the dogsled kind of guy if I can help it."
"And I suppose you couldn't just borrow the Batplane. Maybe we could tell the JLA about what we found out."
"What? You think they'd believe either one of us? Me, a criminal and you..."
"A rode hard and put away wet ex-sidekick," Roy joked, "Yeah, you may have a point."
"Besides," Jason said, "Now we know how to find out how to find out where they'll be next year."
"What do we do until then?" Roy said with a leer.
"Well, until then, it occurs to me we worked well together tonight. Maybe we could try teaming up."
"Teaming up. I like the sound of that," Roy grinned.
His hand found the back of Jason's head and pulled him in for another long kiss.
"Yeah, you and me, a couple of outlaws."