Ambush

The following fictional story deals with sex among males. If you are offended by such material, are too young, or reside in an area where it is not allowed, depart. Though not observed in this story, care enough about yourself and humankind to practice safe sex.

The author retains all rights. No reproductions or links to other sites are allowed without the author's consent.

EBradley33@Excite.com

Chapter 24

Debriefings and Decampings

I was sitting in the family room Sunday evening checking out the weather forecast on TV when I heard the front door open. Had to be Jeremy returning from his Thanksgiving weekend with Kenny and his parents. He walked down the hall to his bedroom. As he set the suitcase and garment bag he had borrowed ('Hey, gift idea,' I thought) in his bedroom, Jeremy spotted me in the family room. "Evan, I'm ba-a-a-a-a-ck!"

"Where's Kenny?" I asked.

"We thought it better that he didn't come back with me. Maybe a little restraint was in order. And I think, after all our time together, his parents wanted to talk to him about us after I left. You know - debriefing."

"So how did it go with Jeremy's parents?"

"I think it's going to be okay. We all enjoyed being together. Visited. Played cards. Watched a couple of movies together. And we talked a lot. Nothing tense. Just a little stiff at first. I think they are going to be okay with Jeremy and me as a couple and with our going to State U together. But they haven't said yes or no. Kenny's parents love him a lot. It made me feel good to be around parents like that; I realize what I've missed for most of my years. I'm happy for him. And Kenny's proud of his parents, considering the issue we threw in their laps. Made me happy for him but sad that my folks couldn't get in the parent groove."

"Jeremy, I want to encourage you to take on one of life's most difficult challenges - moving beyond the deprivations that have occurred in your life - in this instance, having parents in name only. I myself am largely a failure in rising above a couple of things I never had that were my due. But I have faith in you, in your strength, which is considerable. If you discover somewhere down the road that you can't rise above never receiving what your parents owed you, don't beat yourself up. Most of us never can forget, never can convince ourselves, that we can still be whole in the face of missing important elements in our early lives."

I paused. He merely gazed into my eyes. "Maybe one has to travel farther down the road of life before that wisdom has any meaning," that inner voice observed.

"So you enjoyed yourself?"

"Yes. . . . I had to be on my best behavior. I knew all the time that I was being observed, studied, judged. It's a little hard to relax when all that's going on. But I knew it was necessary. I think when all of us can get past this initial stuff, we'll relax more."

I had arisen while he was talking and moved over to him. He looked so handsome standing there, towering over me. All of a sudden I flew off my crutches onto him. He staggered, yelped, and tumbled to the carpet with me on top of him. He lay there laughing. It was a most erotic feeling, the muscles in his flat stomach shaking in laughter under mine, our cocks rubbing together due to the same motion. "Evan! What's with your jumping me lately when you want to have a serious talk? You don't have to ambush me like this to get my attention." He immediately colored. "Okay . . . that's what I did to you at the stairs at school, but I expect you to be a bigger person."

"I can't help it. It's an overabundance of emotion for you." I leaned down and kissed him. "Thank you for arranging for Susan to come over with a Thanksgiving dinner AND dining with me just so I wouldn't be alone. We had a great visit!" I just stared into those eyes. "You amaze and delight me. I'm so fortunate to have you as my student, my friend, my roommate."

He quickly rolled over, his body pressing down erotically on mine, his long arms holding my hands above my head. "Not your son?" We stared into each other's eyes. I could feel his cock growing hard. Mine responded.

"However you wish it; whatever makes you comfortable."

He looked into my soul for a bit. "Evan, I'm the lucky one. I have a beautiful, talented, sexy little lover. I also have a wonderful friend who has saved me many times, including giving me refuge when I was homeless."

"Oh, I guess that means I'm not sexy," I exclaimed as though I were offended.

He laughed, jiggling his belly on mine. Then he wriggled his hips, making our dicks go harder. "Could I bone up so quickly and so hard if you weren't sexy?" he asked. He looked up around the room. "I live in a wonderful home that I love. I have a new car. I have other wonderful friends when I thought I had none. . . . I look good enough that I notice people staring at me. . . . People listen to me as though what I say is worthy of attention. . . . I'm finally in a position where people trust me enough to allow me to help them. Thank you for all you've done for me, but mostly for loving me. I know you do, Evan. You love me. And just so you know - because you won't ask me, I missed you a lot. Kenny's parents' love for him reminded me of the way you feel about me, so I was thinking of you constantly." Here he leaned down and kissed me with considerable heat.

When he broke away, I started breathing again. "Wow! What was that for?"

"Kenny and I have had hardly any sex the entire vacation," he wailed.

"Ah-oh. Why?"

"Kenny slept in his room, and I slept in the guest room. It was the way his parents wanted it, I guess, until they get used to us. We certainly weren't going to push the issue of our sleeping together. I think by Friday night they could have changed their minds, but the sleeping arrangements had been set. Would have been awkward to change at that point. One night, when we made an emergency run to the grocery store for a few things Mrs. Walters needed for her wonderful chili, we pulled into an alley and gave each other a quick blowjob. All it did was make us hot for more."

"Sounds frustrating."

"It was, but we played along with it because too much is riding on the Walters' coming to terms with us. We can do without now in order to have an open relationship later."

He leaned down and laid another hot kiss on me. "But I have to tell you that I'm horny as hell. Care to help a friend out?"

"How could I? I'm not sexy," I replied in a pout.

Jeremy leaned down and began licking my face, ears, my neck. A moan escaped my lips. He snickered. My eyebrows arched. "Think you have me, huh? Listen, bub, I'm not easy."

"You're panting," he replied, mischievously.

"That's because this big lug is lying on top of me, cutting off my air."

"Bull," he retorted, his eyes glittering with lust.

"What have you got in mind? No wait - what about Kenny?"

"As I was leaving, he whispered 'Nail Evan' in my ear and then grinned that beautiful way he does. So now I'm going to fulfill his command."

"Why do I feel like a substitute?" I asked, grinning back.

"No, Evan. You aren't a substitute. I love you. I'm MAKING love to you. I want to give you as much pleasure as I take from you, Daddy." My eyebrows arched in surprise, for he meant it; he wasn't being flip. "I didn't have an opportunity to choose my first dad. That's what makes our relationship so special, Evan. I chose you." He hugged me tightly, then lifted his head, looked into my eyes, then leaned down and kissed me hard.

We broke from the kiss: "I don't want to spoil the moment, but I need to say something that you must consider."

"Shoot," he said, adopting one of my favorite expressions.

"Your father apparently didn't know enough or wasn't secure enough to see the possibilities that existed for you and him. However, he could act only on what he could see. . . . You've got it, Jeremy. You're a total man. We just have to believe, had your dad been capable of recognizing all that is wonderful about you, that he would have developed a better relationship. What I hope you will understand is that his inability to perceive your marvelous qualities does not mean that they don't exist.

"Kenny loves you. After Robert rejected him, you saved him. Troy and Susan both love you - not like - LOVE you! Those friends who came to your party weren't here just to fill in an evening. They were here because they care for you. Like Troy, you have emerged as a leader. And there's something of the healer about you; Cody's already told me how you are attentive to someone in your group who's down or having some kind of difficulty.

"Finally, yes, I love you. I do, Jeremy - in so many ways. My life is better and richer for your being in it." I leaned up and kissed him back hard. When we broke the kiss, he rolled off of me, knelt, slid his arms under me, picked me up and carried me to his bed, where he stopped. "Pull the bedspread and sheets back." I did as directed. He dropped me on the bed.

"Strip," he ordered. I pulled my clothes off while I watched him do the same.

When Jeremy removed his jockeys, his musk immediately assaulted my olfactory senses. It wasn't unpleasant. Talk about putting a bone in a guy's dick! When I had been around him on the two previous occasions when he had made love to me and when he and Kenny had slept with me after Tim dumped me, his scent hadn't been this strong. I knew that on this occasion it was due to his frustrated sexual attraction to Kenny over the weekend. I loved it. It was so strong it shortened my breath and made my heart speed up.

He stood looking down on me, smiling. He was gently pulling on his cock. It wasn't necessary, for it looked like a seven-inch steel pipe. His balls weren't hanging as low as I'd seen before, which told me that it wouldn't take much for him to explode. That wouldn't do. He walked over and climbed onto the bed. When he was precariously balanced with both hands and one knee on the mattress, I grabbed him around the waist, rolling him over me onto his back. He looked a little wild-eyed. I held him down with a hand in the center of his chest, scooted down a little, and started polishing the cute flared knob topping his tube with my tongue. A surprised "Oh" puffed out of his mouth.

His cock was hard, but the flesh felt smooth on my tongue. He had already emitted precum. I made certain to "rasp" the head with the rough part of my tongue, eliciting another moan from him.

I pulled off a second to swish my thumb in the saliva in my mouth. When I went back to the knob of his cock, I moved my thumb into his crack, running it around his pucker. Every little bit, I bent my thumb so that the top began to move into this interior (he'd never expressed an interest in being penetrated). Still, that maneuver brought an exclamation - of delight, I knew.

I moved down on his dick, then back up. When I reached the top, I opened my mouth and ran my tongue fast down the bottom side of his cock. When I reached his balls, I gave them about half a dozen vigorous swipes with my tongue, moving them in their tightening sack, then back up to the cap. He was moaning continually now, pushing his cock into my mouth. My thumb continued its ministrations to his pucker. Wow! It was quivering, trembling. I watched as his ass began to arch slowly off the mattress. He shouted as I felt cum shoot back in my throat. Every time he shot, his ass arched off the bed, and he made soft exclamations. His ass must have arched eight times. Gradually, he stopped shooting, so I pulled off and ran my tongue down his cock, which hadn't softened a bit.

He reached down with both hands, unceremoniously pulling my head up to his face. I had to scramble to keep him from pulling my head off my neck. His eyes were closed, but he planted a perfect kiss on my lips. When we broke the kiss, he panted, "That was hot. I haven't shot that hard in a long time. But I was hoping to make it last, Cum Bandit."

The ornery side of me grinned: "Haven't you ever heard that it isn't over until the fat lady sings." I grabbed his hard cock, squeezing it. "Oh, look - she's still fat as ever, still on center stage - sassy too. I think she'll be ready to belt one out again soon." We both giggled.

"Let's give the old girl a smoke break," Jeremy sighed. "Come here and let me hold you." He scooped me into his arms, pushing my head down on his chest. His skin was smooth and warm. I felt protected and valued. A cat wouldn't have purred louder. After five minutes, he began caressing my ass cheeks - light, feathery brushings of the very tips of his fingers over the flesh and just into the crack. My hand moved to his cock, which hadn't softened in the least. I replicated his feathery caresses up one side and down the other of his tube, then around the head, then down to his balls. A little more handling was required to move under his balls, but I managed.

He whispered, "We can't hurt Kenny's feelings by ignoring him. I have to nail you to stay true to my Lover's commands." I grinned. He spent ten minutes kissing my grin away. With one swipe of his paw the pillows flew off the bed. He grabbed one off the floor, lifting my ass and placing it under me. Then he dived onto my cock, replicating all the movements I'd made on his. He slathered my balls with his spit, biting the scrotal skin and pulling it away from my body. What a wonderful assault! It reminded me of how a lion might play with its prey. Then he licked up and down my perineum, occasionally taking little nips at my choad.

Finally, he reached his goal, licking and biting my ass lips. I couldn't help it - I was writhing. His head rose up to check me out, spit shining his lips and around his mouth. "Evan, your man smell is driving me crazy!" When he dove back down again, slicking two of his fingers with spit and driving them into me without any preliminary softening of muscles at the opening. While his fingers plunged in, he continued licking my pucker. He was in charge, in command. His fingers were pounding into me, but he'd pull them out until only the tips were inside. Then they'd do a little dance just inside the lips of my hole. Lust gleamed in his eyes, sort of a wild smile quirking across his face, constantly changing his lips and mouth. Then he'd cap my cock, sucking hard on just the top few of my seven inches.

Finally, he arose, his shoulders flung back, his lats flared, his pecs full, his eyes gleaming, his knees wide apart, his steely cock thrust out, his balls slightly swaying in their sack. It was the posture I often fantasized Keanu Reeves adopted before conquering me (well, everyone can dream, right?). He reached over into the nightstand, extracting the lube. He popped the top, squeezed out a dollop in his hand, and swiped it up and down his dick. He used the flat of his hand to wipe the residue around and on my hole. He flung the tube aside. He grabbed the base of his cock, aiming it at my hole as he fell on me.

"Oh-h-h-h!" I exclaimed and his cocked ripped into me, creating a most pleasant burn as it shot into my depths.

"Payback time," he grinned evilly.

Then he started pounding his cock into me. He moved up to plant a hot, hard, demanding kiss on my lips. I threw my arms and legs around him, cleaving to him tightly. We were both moaning into our kiss.

He drew back. "This is for the male who fills my fantasies with his little body; his long cock and hairy balls; his cute, hairy ass; his hairy, muscular legs. I've got him. He's in my control."

I began pushing up to meet his thrusts, squeezing my ass muscles tight on his cock as I pulled back. His eyes widened. A contest! He swiped his hand around his cock and my ass and spread the excess lube on my cock and his stomach. Then he flattened himself on me so that his stomach was masturbating my dick. Without any conscious thought, my ass arched up, tightening my cock against his stomach.

"Oh man! Hot! Hot! Hot!" he exclaimed. Sweat had formed on our foreheads and upper lips. We were staring into each other's eyes. I was being propelled to an orgasm. My cock was expanding as was his. We were huffing like long-distance runners. Time didn't even exist. Just sensation. Just us. Just the mega-link between us. He squeezed his eyes shut, a loud "Unh-h-h-h-h-h-h-h," escaping him. "Jeremy," I gasped. "Evan," he replied breathily. We shot together.

We must have continued pumping for a minutes, gradually slowing. Though he was on top of me, his weight suddenly collapsed onto me. It was wonderful. I held him tightly. He smeared a messy kiss across my lips, his longer hair tickling my forehead.

We lay exhausted for 15 minutes. I never wanted it to end. Oddly, his cock was still hard in me. It hadn't softened at all. It must have been such a powerful orgasm that it would require a little time for it to come down.

Then he raised his head, staring into my eyes. There was that mischievous gleam again. How could he manage that after the way we used all our circuits? "This is for Daddy," he leered.

I blurted out, "You can't mean it. After all that you want more? You have more?"

His smile softened. "For the man who believes completely in me, who saved me, who protects me from life's nasty surprises, who loves me, guides me, gives me hope? I love you, Dad. I want to love you. I want you to love me. I want us to join completely the way only two men can."

I started to speak, but he gently placed his hand over my mouth, anticipating my thoughts. "Kenny and I have talked about it. You not only become the father I choose, but you become Kenny's father-in-law, another dad for him. About the third time he and I fucked, after we knew we were in love with each other, we talked about this - right here in this bed. He told me about his fucking you and your fucking him. It made us so hot that we had to get off again, the first time we'd had a multiple fuck.

Kenny loves you too, Evan, every bit as much as I do. I can tell you right now that he and I are going to ambush you some day. Dad and his sons who chose him! Hot! I'll have to guard against telling Troy or he'll be here with Cody horning in. Get it? 'Horning in.'" We both laughed, which caused his cock to begin little thrusting movements.

Before I realized it, he pulled out, rolled me over, and pushed his cock into me. He kept moving his head around and turning mine so that he could kiss me, showing me his love. I returned everything in like degree. It was slow, easy, mellow. No words. Just reading each other's eyes, kissing, making love. I knew we were approaching another orgasm, for our breaths shortened and our ardor increased. But we didn't speed up. Just kept it slow and easy. Finally, we couldn't help it. Our bodies were trembling, warning of a major cataclysm. I felt it first in my hands and feet, but it moved slowly to the center of me, making my ass rise and push back into Jeremy. I moaned, "Oh Son." He whispered, "Dad." Then we jammed into each other, our joint orgasm lifting us like a giant ocean swell. As he climaxed, his hands began stroking whatever part of my body was there. Though awkward given our positions, I did the same to his body.

We must have immediately fallen asleep, for I didn't awaken until the next morning. We hadn't shifted our positions even one degree. He was still lying on my back, clasping me to him. The smells of our love making still hung about us, turning me on. I couldn't believe it. My cock was hardening. So was Jeremy's - still inside me. He began thrusting. I reached over his ass and down to caress his balls. "Come on, Son. Pump another load into Dad. Help him get started on a new day." I heard a small laugh as he followed orders. We were hot and horny again. After only about five minutes we shared another orgasm.

He snickered. "Am I a love god or what?" I chuckled. "No argument here."

• * * Jeremy bopped off to school ahead of me. I knew he was anxious to hear about Kenny's debriefing with his parents, and I was certain Kenny wanted all the details about how Jeremy had nailed me. When I arrived at school, instead of going upstairs first, I had to stop by the main office to drop off a memo. As I stood waiting for a secretary to finish helping a student, I looked out the glass doors into the main foyer of the school. Troy, Cody, Jeremy, and Kenny were huddled, talking animatedly, occasionally looking at me. Lots of grinning, shaking of heads as though in disbelief, clapping Jeremy on the back. 'Oh, Kenny and Jeremy have told them about what they accomplished with Kenny's parents over the weekend,' I thought.

As I stood waiting, I scanned the students streaming into the building. It was Monday of the week before Christmas. Clearly, spirits were heightened in anticipation of the holiday and vacation. I gave my memo to the secretary with an explanation and left the office for my classroom. I couldn't make it up the stairs as fast on my crutches as students, but they gave me a wide berth, using the occasion to say hello. It reminded me of how younger students liked to greet teachers and be greeted in return as though we were familiars. But upper-class students were just as ready to greet me. 'It's because of all the popular kids in my classes,' I thought.

Some students were already in their desks awaiting the start of classes when I arrived. I doffed my coat, pulled out my grade book and calendar, and started preparing for class. Just before the bell rang, a glut of students, anticipating the event, charged into the room. I was waiting for them to take their seats so that I could take roll.

The bell rang. I started roll. As I looked up, I saw Troy grinning broadly. I wondered what was up with that. He looked at Jeremy, who was grinning back just as broadly. Kenny's shoulders were shaking with giggles. I looked at Susan, who ducked her head but not before I saw that she was sharing in some joke with all of them. This round of behavior was repeated as I continued taking roll. Startling everyone, Troy burst out with one of his belly laughs, making Kenny giggle out loud. Jeremy joined Troy in laughter, and Susan's shoulders were shaking that way they do when she's trying to hide her laughter. I studied each one in turn, my mouth caught in a puzzled, half grin.

Several students were caught up by the hilarity, for they started giggling and laughing too. My head cocked to the side as I tried to fathom what had set them all off. I wasn't going to be caught again checking to see if my zipper was down. I was looking at Troy, who shot a look at Jeremy. I hadn't studied their demeanor anytime at all before my eyes widened. Jeremy told them about our sex romp! I turned Christmas red. Troy lost it, knowing that I had figured out who was the butt and cause of this laugh fest.

Now the entire class was laughing. Even I had my hand over my mouth to disguise my smile. But I broke over and started laughing with them. Their laughter increased in volume when they saw that I had joined them. Although the rest of the students didn't know the cause, they were laughing right along with us, proving how infectious laughter can be - all but LaRonda that is. She was studying us all, frowning. Finally, many in the room focused on her. She blurted out, "There are people in this room who have information I don't possess!" Now the room burst into a roar of laughter, for the rest of the students had something to identify as the cause of their mirth. I saw Kathleen smiling as she peeked around the doorframe to gently pull my door shut. I gave her a high sign of thanks for closing the door. I noticed that even LaRonda had given up being in high dudgeon and was laughing with us. I had to face the board because I was laughing so hard.

Gradually, we quieted so that I could set them to work in groups preparing for an essay that was due soon. They were moving toward a research paper in the second semester, so we were studying how to use evidence in an essay. During group work, a student worker came into my classroom to hand me a note. It bore Jeremy's name. I called him to my desk, holding the note out to him. He walked to the front of the room for it, returned to his group, opened it, and read the message impassively. Both Kenny and I were studying Jeremy, trying to read his reaction. So were all the gang - Susan and Troy, Tony and Angela, Jarod, LaRonda and LeKeisha, Rosalie, Beth and Paul, Greg - everyone in the entire class actually, for Jeremy had become a popular leader. It made me feel good that that many people cared about him. A far cry from his erroneous perception early in the year that people looked down on him as an inferior.

We continued working until the end of the period, but I noticed that Jeremy was subdued. In fact, he'd stopped participating in his group at all. I had chosen him as the group's anchor, for his leadership abilities and concern for others made him a natural for such a position. Thus, this behavior was most unlike him. My brow furrowed, wondering what was in that note.

I meant to check with Jeremy after class to see if all was well, but he disappeared like a puff of smoke. Again, that behavior wasn't customary. He usually waited for Kenny, and those two frequently sauntered along with Troy and Susan, true buddies, glad of each other's company. An ominous turn of events! Jeremy would never receive a note from another teacher or the head office summoning him to a meeting for some kind of infraction. Work maybe? But why would they call him at school, and why would it prompt such behavior on his part? He didn't even wait for Kenny!

At lunch, Kenny came to my classroom. His brow was wrinkled, his worry obvious. "Evan, do you know where Jeremy is?"

"No, I was hoping you knew."

"I haven't seen him since after first hour. He shot out of here before I could catch him. I'm worried. I've looked for him all over the school; he's not here."

The more information Kenny imparted, the faster he spoke, his panic becoming apparent. All of a sudden it hit me. I stood, grabbing my crutches. "Kenny, come here." I held my arms open. He walked rapidly into them. I hugged him tightly, speaking softly into his ear. "This situation isn't like the one with Robert, Kenny. You're not losing Jeremy. He hasn't run away from you."

Kenny hugged me tighter. "I can't help it, Evan. Why am I so afraid?" I could tell that he was on the verge of tears.

"Because this situation feels like the one with Robert, those old feelings crowd to the front, pushing out thought. You're operating entirely on raw emotion. It's understandable, Kenny. However, Jeremy wouldn't want you to be fearful about anything. Don't worry," I consoled. "We'll see what we can find out. Come on."

He followed me down the short hall to the longer hall, to the stairs, down those to the foyer. I was looking for Kate Williams. Since Jeremy's party, she'd taken to working the halls during lunch to visit with students. It was paying off for everyone. I overheard more students speaking positively about Kate and about the school. There was growing pride in the school and themselves. I spotted her with a group of freshmen, chatting and joking away. When I caught her eye, she walked over to Kenny and me.

After we exchanged greetings - Kenny's worried demeanor was not lost on her, I began, "Kate, Jeremy received a note during my first-hour class this morning. He bolted out of the room after the class ended, but we haven't seen him about. Is there any information you could give us?"

Troy, Susan, and Cody stopped as they were walking by, joining us because they deduced that we were talking about Jeremy. Troy threw an arm over Kenny's shoulder, causing Kenny to look up at him with grateful eyes. Tony and Angela soon joined us.

Looking at their concerned faces, Kate imparted what she knew: "I know only that his mother called the office early this morning with a request to pass some information on to Jeremy. I can see by your faces that you are worried. I know Jeremy well enough that he'd want you to know.

"Jeremy's father has run off, leaving Jeremy's mother alone. I think she's worried about surviving. She wanted to talk to Jeremy. After your class, Evan, he came to my office seeking permission to go talk to his mother. Since the situation fell under our Family Emergency Policy, I gave him permission to go. I guess the office is a little slow in getting the notices to teachers. . . . Oh no, since Jeremy had completed your class, Evan, you wouldn't receive that notice. Only the teachers in whose classes Jeremy had yet to appear would receive notification. I should have thought of that and sent you a notice anyway. I apologize."

Kenny looked at me, at Kate, then at the others. He clearly was confused, at a loss for words, for he wasn't certain of the implications of this unexpected turn of events. Feeling the need to diminish his fear, I suggested, "Kenny, after classes, why don't you come over and wait for Jeremy to come home. That's probably where you'll be most likely to run into him first. I doubt you'll have to wait long before he'll arrive there."

Kenny looked a little relieved, telling me that he'd come to my classroom after his last class and follow me home. He thanked Kate and wandered away like a lost waif. Cody and Troy glanced at each other, sharing a telepathic message. Cody took off after Kenny, hailing him to wait up. When he reached Kenny he threw an arm over Kenny's shoulders, leaning down and talking softly in his ear. Kate and I looked at each other, both fully understanding how Kenny was feeling. Kate smiled at me. "Keep me posted, Evan. You know whom to call if I can be any help."

I smiled back. "Oh, yeah, the Master Mover. I wouldn't pass up your abilities." She laughed and walked over to a group of students lounging next to one of the big planters in the foyer. Something in the account Kate had related didn't add up, but it went by so fast and I was so focused on Kenny that I had time only to note a discrepancy, not what it was. Oh well, my subconscious would work it out.

Kenny followed me home, parked at the curb, and moped up the walk to the door where I was waiting for him. "Hey, Kenny, why so glum?"

"I don't want Jeremy to be feeling bad. But I know Jeremy realized that his dad didn't just run away from his wife; he ran away from Jeremy too. Jeremy may be down because he may never see his dad again. And I'm afraid this is going to change our relationship."

"Well, I don't think it will. Why would it? Perhaps one way to look at it is to consider that, with his dad gone from his life, Jeremy may need you even more."

Kenny studied me. It was wonderful to see the dawning of a smile on his face. We entered the living room. "Help yourself to whatever you want in the refrigerator, Kenny. I'm going to drop this stuff off."

When I had moved from the study, where I left my attache and headed to the bedroom, I heard a knock on the door. I crutched into the living room, opening the door. There stood Troy and Susan and Cody. "Hey, guys, come in. What's up?"

"Evan," Troy began, "do you mind if we wait here for Jeremy. We're worried about him too. We thought we'd be here if he needed us in some way."

"Of course I don't mind. It always feels to me that you all belong here," I explained, smiling. "I think Jeremy will be gratified to find his friends circling around him. Kenny's in the kitchen raiding the refrigerator. Why don't you join him? Get whatever you want."

Because they had congregated so often in the sunroom, Kenny, Troy, Susan, and Cody returned there. I was just ready to head to the kitchen for something to drink when I heard a knock at the front door. 'Hm-m-m-m, do I see a pattern forming here?' I thought. Upon opening the door, there were LaRonda and Clifton with Tony and Angela.

"Don't tell me," I said, smiling. "You guys are here to await Jeremy's return." They laughed, affirming the purpose of their visit. "Join the crew in the sunroom, but go to the kitchen if you want a drink or anything." Clifton came over and hugged me, leaving LaRonda beaming. Clearly, he was feeling closer to this group, feeling that he belonged even though we didn't see him that often. I hugged his hunky body, not thinking the purest of thoughts. Good thing LaRonda didn't know. LaRonda and Angela moved out to the kitchen after checking what their men wanted.

I walked to the sunroom door. "You all may be here a while, so you can put your coats on my bed if you like." Cody and Kenny began collecting coats and ferried them to my bed. Another summons to the door revealed Jarod and Valerie. After greeting them and pointing them to the group, Valerie and I spent a minute visiting since our paths didn't cross that much. I was delighted with the opportunity, for her positive disposition and tranquil, classy demeanor always left me feeling good. As we moved to the sunroom, I could see that healthy chatting had already sprung up. In fact, one would have had to raise his voice if he intended to make an announcement.

We had visited for perhaps half an hour. I noticed that Kenny kept checking his wristwatch. Suddenly, the front door opened and Jeremy walked into the living room. In my peripheral field I saw a flash. Next thing I knew Kenny was throwing himself into Jeremy's arms so hard that I heard a soft "Oooomph" escape from Jeremy. Poor Jeremy. I wouldn't blame him if he decided he had become a blocking dummy. It was just a measure of the love and loyalty he evoked from others.

Kenny's arms were clasped tightly around Jeremy, and Jeremy returned the hug. Kenny looked up into Jeremy's face. Jeremy bent down to exchange a long, warm kiss. When they broke, they stood for a few moments, just looking into each other's eyes, reading their own secret language there. I could tell that Kenny no longer felt any threat of losing Jeremy. He was still the object of Jeremy's love.

Finally, Jeremy looked up at us in the sunroom. Was it the situation that made him look so handsome? The chatter had ceased while all watched Jeremy reassure Kenny. I was pleased to see that the group was smiling at the two lovers. "What meeting did I miss?" Jeremy asked, returning the smiles. The women arose and moved quickly to Jeremy, all hugging him and he them.

Jarod arose and walked to Jeremy. "Hey man, quit groping my woman. Let me grope you." To my astonishment, uptight, straight Jarod gave Jeremy a bear hug, and Jeremy snickered in Jarod's ear. I knew Jarod's joking was just cover for an excess of emotion for Jeremy. It was also indicative of Jarod's realization that he belonged in this group. I was proud of him for acting on his friendly impulse instead of being suspicious of it. I'd have to find an occasion to endorse his trusting himself and his feelings at a higher level than I'd ever observed.

I caught Troy's eye; he had perceived exactly the same dynamics in Jarod. The other men moved over to Jeremy. Clifton hugged Jeremy, as did Cody and Troy, but the latter planted a kiss on Jeremy's cheek. Their eyes locked, a message shooting between them.

'What a day for telepathy,' I mused. 'Why today?' Immediately the answer hit me. We had all become so attuned to each other, our feelings were so congruent, and we were so focused on Jeremy and Kenny that little was required in the way of communication. I kept to my seat so that the friends could have their turn reconnecting with Jeremy. Kenny scooted off to the kitchen for a Coke for Jeremy.

Jeremy found a space on the floor on the other side of the room. When he'd had a swig of the Coke Kenny had handed him (Kenny had plopped down snug up against Jeremy, who draped an arm across Kenny's shoulders, while Kenny looked up at him worshipfully), Jeremy looked around the group. "My dad's run away," he said laughing but blushing too. "My folks are pick-up people. He took our pick-up, kept this month's paycheck, and cleaned out the bank account except for the $100 he left for my mom and the old car she uses to drive to work. He didn't leave a note or anything. I think he's probably going back to Wyoming, where we came from, probably to work on a ranch. He was never happy living and working in a city. He's a country boy," he smiled wanly. His eyes filled with tears. "I guess he was probably desperately unhappy. He was a man who always preached duty and responsibility - at least as far as he understood those virtues. Some fierce need drove him to violate them, I guess. It was certainly stronger than any feeling he had for Mom or me."

Jeremy had another swallow of Coke, then looked down at the carpet. "My mom's a traditional country woman; she thinks she has to have a man looking after her. She's not very capable of navigating on her own. When Dad didn't come home from work last night, she worried. But when she awakened this morning and he wasn't there, she panicked. She drove over to the construction site where he worked. She found out that he had collected his last check and then quit, leaving no forwarding address. When she returned home, she discovered that he'd been there to collect his clothes and belongings while she was gone. He must have been watching, waiting for her to leave.

"To say she was stressed would be to put it mildly. So she turned to the next man in her life, her son, whom they had kicked out. Well, to be accurate, my dad kicked me out, but she didn't utter a word, didn't come to my defense even when he beat me and told me to get my stuff and get out." His bitterness was apparent in the stress that he put on the work "out" and the sharp sound he made when he enunciated the "t." Kenny put his arm around Jeremy's waist. I felt that dissonance that occurred when Kate first told us about Jeremy's father. Again, I couldn't put my finger on its cause.

Jeremy looked down at Kenny, kissed his cheek, and then arose. Before Jeremy explained any more, he came over to my chair, knelt down, put his head in my lap and dug his arms behind me to hug me. Since a hug from me was impossible, given Jeremy's flat posture, I rubbed my hand gently up and down his back. His shoulders began shaking. He was crying! I looked up at the group in surprise. They were caught off guard as much as I. Leaning down, I kissed him on the head. Kenny came over, knelt down by Jeremy, throwing his arm across Jeremy's shoulders. The group watched somberly. LaRonda and Angela were dabbing at tears in their eyes.

Eventually, Jeremy raised his head, his eyes filled with tears. "She wants me to come back to her place to live, Evan. I'm so sorry, but I have to do it. She's frightened she won't make it. Where her family comes from, one of the great fears is that bad luck will force people to go live "on the poor farm." I hate running out on you again, Evan. I hate leaving here. I love this home. I've been so happy here. So much good has happened for me here. But I have to go back to Mom's place. If I don't, I'm no better than Dad. She's worried, I know, now that Dad's taken off. She's afraid she won't make it." He gulped. "Maybe, with Dad gone, we'll have a chance to develop a relationship."

"Jeremy, you're a decent person. Helping your mother is a filial obligation. You have to do this. Among life's most unpleasant burdens is a huge regret looming over one's existence. I don't want that to happen to you, but it would be your fate if your ignored your mother's plight. You'd wonder the rest of your life if circumstances could have been better for the both of you if you had just cooperated. . . .When are you leaving?"

"I'll move into her place tomorrow since I don't have to work. I'll leave my car here."

I stared at him blankly. "Why would you do that?"

"Well, I'm not living here anymore. You paid for it. I should leave it here."

I glanced quickly at the group, not certain if Jeremy was aware of the private information he was divulging. My face betrayed my concern, so Jeremy reassured me: "It's okay, Evan. They know. I told them."

I looked up at the group. They were smiling. Ever sensitive to the need to lighten a moment, Tony popped off, "Evan, I want a different color when you buy me my car." I heard snickering. I shot Tony a grin.

I smiled down on Jeremy. "Listen, Turkey, whose name is on the title?"

He grinned. "Oh yeah, mine."

"You own that car! I think it's against law to abandon a new car as you suggested. I'll continue to pay the insurance and taxes - the tax bill will come to this address. Have I your permission to open it and pay it."

He grinned mischievously. "Well, I don't know: I value my privacy. The thought of someone's opening my mail - even it if is a tax bill - makes my flesh crawl." Relieved laughter poured out of the group.

"One more thing. You'll be moving back to your mother's house. But your name is still on that room down the hall. You can leave whatever you wish there. It will always be there for you if you need it. This is still your home. You need a harbor? You come here. Keep the key. Use it when necessary."

His eyes were full of tears again. "Thank you, Evan," he whispered.

"If you lose your key, we all still have ours," Tony observed. I looked up in surprise, studying the group.

"How many people in this room do NOT have keys to my house?" I asked with vinegar. Valerie, Clifton, and Cody held up their hands. "How did you all get keys to my house?"

"We got them when we were assigned to Halsey's Posse before you came home from the hospital. We were afraid there might be a time you couldn't get to the door or would be sleeping when our assigned babysitting time arrived, so I had keys made for everyone," Tony explained, grinning in delight.

"Yeah," Jarod said, "we've been hanging extras in public restrooms all over the city, especially truck stops. And we leave your phone number on a card with the key." My eyebrows shot up. The group roared. I decided I wouldn't pursue that line about truck stops or Jarod's reason for uttering it.

I looked at the group. "I think I feel a pizza moment coming on. Maybe someone will help me figure out an order. We'll have it delivered." And we did. Actually, it was a stroke of coincidental fortune, for it kept Jeremy's last night at home from being funereal.

After the group departed, Jeremy was in his room deciding what to take to his mother's. Kenny was helping. "If I may make a suggestion," I interrupted, "maybe you want to think about leaving some of your things here. You don't know how this arrangement will turn out. I don't know how much space you have in your bedroom at your mother's. And it may comfort you to still feel connected here. Then you'll feel okay about coming here to use the computer, to study, to meet Kenny" - my eyes gleamed wickedly on that last remark and I waved my eyebrows.

They looked at each other. "You wouldn't mind if we met here to know each other carnally?" Jeremy asked archly.

"It's your room, Jeremy," I said. "What you do here is your business."

So Jeremy packed a week's worth of his clothes and a few other belongings. Kenny helped him load them in Jeremy's car. Then he said a heated good-bye, promising to see Jeremy in class the next day. Since we had school the next day and events had left us a little drained, Jeremy and I retired shortly thereafter.

It was only when I had finally reached my bed, after I had tried to sort through all of the possible permutations the future held for Jeremy and his mother, that it hit me. 'You'll be alone at Christmas.' Over the next 15 minutes, the idea sank in. 'I am not going through that Thanksgiving angst again,' I told myself. "Then decide to handle the situation differently," I heard that inner voice counsel.

I thought about visiting one of my brothers. Brad, a bachelor, had called recently to regale me with his sexual exploits. I guess that's what he thought big brothers were for. Only trouble was he was never interested in what I was doing. For Christmas, he was going skiing in Switzerland with one of his bunnies.

I hadn't talked to Ted. If Ted called one of us, he was warm, frequently chiding us for not calling. But if one of us called him, he was cold, leaving us feeling that we were pulling him away from an important ballgame on TV. Weary of it, I had quit phoning him. Besides, I knew he and his family would be visiting Beverly's parents in Idaho.

That left Tim, but his wife, Rachel insisted on spending their holidays with her family. She - and her family, the Lawtons - had never hidden their belief that the Halsey's weren't quite up to the Lawton mark. Poor Tim, he probably paid plenty for being a Halsey at such gatherings. I couldn't imagine why he didn't dread them.

My father, who had remarried shortly after our mother's death, was caught up with his new wife. He'd taken up with her a couple of days after the funeral, indicating to me that they had been involved before my mother died. Our stepmother recognized only her family. Besides, my head started aching at the idea of spending any time at all in my father's company. So Evan was going to be homebound this Christmas.

The first Saturday after Jeremy had moved out, I was fighting off thoughts about being alone at Christmas. Each afternoon the rest of that week, I had managed to come home, eat, and bury myself in grading and other schoolwork until bedtime. That way, I insulated myself from Jeremy's absence and all the quiet. Still, I couldn't keep myself from stopping in his bedroom every evening to look around. Friday evening, I started getting the heebie-jeebies. It was too quiet. It wouldn't have seemed that way if I had known that Jeremy would come bursting through the door at some point. Of course, that wouldn't happen.

I was thinking a lot about Jeremy. Why did I sense that his Christmas was going to be less than jolly? He hadn't looked at all happy the rest of this week. I watched him each day for signs of new joy, indicating that he and his mother had embarked on building a new relationship. No signs appeared. In class, Kenny clung to Jeremy. I knew it was a new pattern in their behavior together, but I didn't know if it was prompted by difficulty on Kenny's or Jeremy's part. On Thursday, Kenny had dropped the news that Jeremy had increased his work hours to make more money for home. I had a feeling that that explained Kenny's clinging to Jeremy, for the new work hours cut into their time together. I'll bet Jeremy was tired too. That night, I slept in Jeremy's bed. I hadn't changed the sheets yet from our hot sex Sunday night, so his scent was still present. It was comforting. "Notice how much animal there is in you Evan," the inner voice observed. I slept deeply!

On Saturday, I found myself obsessing about Jeremy's future. The premonitions I had about how things were not going well for Jeremy increased. "Well, Evan, what can you do to put a little cheer in Jeremy's holiday?" that voice asked. 'Take him his presents,' came my reply. I'd gone into my bedroom and pulled out the gifts I'd purchased for Jeremy. I put tissue in the boxes, in which I carefully placed the gifts. I dug out the Christmas paper (not easy on crutches) and wrapped the gifts. During this process, I played out my scenarios of what was supposed to occur when Jeremy opened them here in my home on Christmas Day. "Evan," that voice warned, "you're just buying trouble." The voice was correct. I would only make myself miserable. So I shifted to imagining the look on Jeremy's face as he opened this or that box.

I made out cards for the gifts, but the gift card on the box with the new sport coat read "From Santa." I placed them in a couple of shopping bags with handles, checked Jeremy's address on a city map, carried the bags out to the car, and started toward the neighborhood where Jeremy's mother lived.

Delivering Jeremy's gifts may be the only Christmas event I do during the remainder of the season, I suddenly realized. I would skip holiday parties, open houses - all of those occasions like that. Too problematical, given the recent turn of events.

The Saturday before Jeremy's father had absconded and Jeremy had moved out, Kenny, Troy, and Susan had come over to help put up the tree. They located all the boxes of Christmas decorations, bought a tree, put it up in the living room in front of the window facing the street, and decorated it. I'd put on some Christmas music. Susan and I threw together a batch of chocolate chip cookies, soft drinks and hot chocolate for the crew. They spent the entire afternoon there. It was wonderful. Cheer, food, carols, camaraderie, joking, humor, tales of Christmas gifts and celebrations in seasons past - it left us all with a warm glow, especially for what it said about us as a band of friends.

My thoughts shifted to the present. Well, no way could I get lights up on the yews at the front of the house this year. I might send a few Christmas cards to old friends and acquaintances. We no longer exchanged gifts in my family.

Jeremy's mother lived in an old part of the city. The street down which I drove, scanning the house numbers, was narrow, with parking on only one side. Even then, cars would have to be careful passing each other on the two-way street. The houses were old, small, red brick bungalows. It was not an area where fortune had smiled generously on the residents. But I suspected that even if Jeremy's parents could have afforded a better neighborhood, the low rent would still have brought them here.

I knew Jeremy was at work, but I hoped that since it was Saturday, his mother would be home. I didn't want to embarrass Jeremy by taking the gifts to school. I didn't want him to have to lug them home. Besides, I wanted them to be a surprise. It would keep him from feeling obligated to spend any of his money on gifts for me, especially now that he was helping out with expenses at home.

I finally spotted the house as my car was creeping down the street. It was quite small. One could tell that no energy was expended on any landscaping. The front lawn was more dirt than grass. There were no shrubs around the house. A family would have to be loving to tolerate being cooped up in such a little space. I immediately felt guilty, for I was obviously blessed with all the room I had in my home.

Wait a minute! Why should I feel guilty? I'd sacrificed, worked, and studied my ass off to get where I was, so I wasn't going to do a number on myself on that count. It was one of the few points in my life about which I was proud. When one has dodged enough of life's spitballs, he learns to find out where his strengths and weaknesses lie. It's survival - pure and simple.

I remembered that semester when I went two nights every week without sleep translating "Beowulf" from Anglo-Saxon to Modern English and studying medieval intellectual history. I remembered my awe when I learned there were no textbooks for the course, just reports on historical documents studied only in their original languages - no translations! At the same time, I was working on my classes as a graduate teaching assistant at university. I remembered a semester of preparing lectures until 3:00 a.m. and then sleeping on a hard floor with alarm clocks in metal pans on each side of the room so that I'd be certain to make it to a 7:30 a.m. world literature course I was teaching for the first time. One could have floated a battleship in all the coffee I drank that semester. There was another semester of poring over medieval manuscripts with a magnifying glass, learning about 20 different medieval manuscript styles and constructing paleographic alphabets. By the end of the semester, I felt like a monk in a medieval scriptorium.

Such situations occurred semester after semester. Images flooded my mind, all testifying to my dedication and hard work when I was a student. I worked at various jobs every year, several of which I despised. With other brothers in college, our parents were strapped to provide us what they could. So I had to borrow money to supplement my scholarships every year of my college study - and I'd paid it all back. None of this made me better than anybody else. But it allowed me not to think of myself as inferior to others in every way imaginable.

As soon as I saw the little house, Jeremy's excitement about moving into my home became understandable. He had reveled in having his own large bedroom, ranging around the house - using the sunroom to entertain friends, working in the study, watching movies in the family room, cooking in the kitchen, chilling out on the deck in warm weather, reading in the living room. His contentment was obvious in these settings.

I parked a little down from the house, grabbed the bags, and moved to Jeremy's mother's house. It didn't look like anyone was home. I knocked on the door and looked around while I was waiting for an answer. As always, the December sunshine was thin - lonely; a breeze bearing a slight nip moved across the little porch. I heard the door being unlocked. It was pulled open cautiously to allow a shorter, thin woman to look out at me. Her face was narrow, pinched. Her brown hair was cut short - for ease of keeping, I knew. It wasn't that she was unattractive, but she had such a cold countenance that she didn't seem attractive. 'That is not a happy woman,' I thought. Jeremy must favor his father, for I couldn't see anything from her features that he'd inherited.

"Hello," I started, "my name is Evan Halsey. Are you Jeremy's mother?"

"Yes," she said curtly. She hadn't opened the screen door, so it was pointless to offer my hand.

"Jeremy stayed at my home recently. I'm one of his teachers at school." I waited for some kind of a response. She frowned. 'Great,' I thought.

"Yes, I know who you are now," came a reply that was far from friendly. Her lips pursed tightly.

'I wonder if a person has to bite her lips from the inside to get them to go so thin?' I asked myself.

"Um - I purchased some Christmas gifts for Jeremy. Would you be so kind as to put them under the tree for him?"

She looked at me and then at the sacks, then back at me. I was beginning to think I'd made a mistake bringing them here.

She pushed open the screen door, letting the door rest against her shoulder while she held out her hands. Oh, no invitation to come in. Okay. I handed her the sacks. She pulled them inside and closed the screen door. "I'll tell Jeremy you brought them. Good bye." And with that she shut the door forcefully and locked it again. I stood there for maybe five seconds, trying to process the short scene. I shrugged my shoulders, returned to my car.

Once I had stowed my crutches, I sat behind the wheel, looking out into the thin sunlight. I replayed the scene between Jeremy's mother and me, focusing on the details. It hit me - the factor in Kate's account that hadn't added up! Jeremy's mother was using him. Yes, she may be worried about her economic future, but she didn't give a Christmas fig for Jeremy. She wasn't sorry when Jeremy's father beat him and kicked him out. She hadn't called or tried to find him at all the way a real mother would have - to know if he was hurt, safe, needed any money. But when she needed him to come support her, she knew right away to call the school. If she'd cared the least about Jeremy, she'd have done that earlier. That was the discordant note that alerted me to something's not adding up. The anger started burning in my stomach.

'Evan, you better go get those presents back. She'll take your name off and put hers on,' my interior monitor warned. Of course, it's exactly what she'd do - not because she cared about Jeremy's having gifts on Christmas but to keep him mollified, thinking he was helping dear ole Mom. And she wouldn't have to spend any money on gifts for him. Might even get him to take on some more work hours.

I started to open the car door, then paused. 'I can't tell Jeremy any of this. He has to find it out for himself. There are just some things one cannot tell another person even if those things are true and that person needs to know them.' I slumped back in the driver's seat and pulled the car door closed. Chewing the inside of my lip, I started thinking. 'Evan, you have to take a risk here for Jeremy's sake.' More mulling. 'Yes, he may think you forgot him at Christmas if your gifts aren't there for him, but that's not likely. He's intelligent. There's no way he'll believe you forgot him - especially as generous as you've been with him. Nor will he believe his mother chose those gifts for him. This is not a woman who has the sensibilities to choose such gifts. And she'd never spend that much money. He'll figure it out. And when he does, he'll at least start thinking, observing.'

Wham! Another realization - 'it will be further evidence that a parent of his cares nothing for him. He'll hurt. But I can't protect him against that - maybe he'll hurt for a little while but not forever.' If I covered her double-dealing up, it would be setting him up for more hurt down the road. I would not be a party to that. No. This would be one of those occasions justified by the aphorism "Give her an inch and she'll take a mile."

I started the car and drove home deep in thought. Try as I might, I could not convince myself that Jeremy had been looking forward to moving back to that place or his mother. I no longer held out hope for a positive experience for him. But I felt a new appreciation for his resiliency and ability to cope, coming from that house and those people who couldn't be decent parents to him. No wonder school was his favorite place to be. No wonder he holed up in the gym over night when life at home was hard. How much energy he must have put into bucking up his spirits before arriving at school. I needed to watch Jeremy closely.

The following Monday, as I left the building after classes for a late appointment with Dr. Sorenson, I spotted Troy leaning back against a wall in the foyer with his arms folded across his chest, smiling at Jim Marbury, who was saying something to Troy. 'I'll bet I know what that's about,' I thought. 'A debriefing - the assignment Troy gave Jim. Jim did it! Good for him. Good for Troy. Good for everyone.'

Jim was standing ramrod straight, looking down and away from Troy, the posture of a man who was talking about something that reflected on him personally but that he really didn't want to be saying. I just hoped Jim took all this to heart, recognized that he could be a better person than he had been. He finished what he was saying, looking at Troy.

Troy placed one of his hands on Jim's shoulder. I knew he was squeezing it in a companionable manner. Troy was saying something to Jim, his smile blazing, and his dimples flashing. Wow! That man was deadly when he turned on his charm. I saw Jim's face light up. Morgan Magic! On second thought, "Troy Magic" might be apt. I suspected that he reflected the Morgan mold more on the surface than in his maturing, deeper dimensions.

This gambit of Troy's just might have a positive payback. Jim was smiling back warmly, obviously basking in Troy's approval. I knew that over the next few days, Troy would reinforce his approval of this new direction Jim had moved. Judging from Troy's past strategies, I'd being seeing Jim included with the guys over the next week or two. That would mean that Jim would be rubbing shoulders with Jeremy and Kenny. I hoped it worked out well for all.

I was glad that something good was happening that day. I'd returned an essay to Jeremy sporting a "D" that morning. I'd asked Jeremy to stop by after class to set up an appointment for us to discuss the essay, but he ripped out of the room at the end of class, leaving Kenny looking bewildered by another instance of unpredictable behavior on Jeremy's part. The lowest grade Jeremy had ever earned from me was a "C+," back in those early days of the semester before we'd connected. Since then, his grades had steadily risen to the point that he was carrying an "A-" average in my class.

The essay was hastily written, shallow in its thought, and ignored all but a few of the learning objective that we had been pursuing. 'It's all that extra work to support Momma,' I thought, lapsing into sarcasm when I thought of Mrs. Wilder. I knew Jeremy had to be feeling that two people in his life - his mother and his English teacher - were boxing him into a losing situation. I wondered what I could do. Well, I'd have to make a concerted effort tomorrow to talk to him. Maybe wait for him at the entrance to the school so that we could talk out of the view of his classmates.

As I crossed one of the traffic lanes in the north parking lot, I spotted a car approaching at a good clip, so I stopped, awaiting its passage. As it neared me, it slowed. Damn! It wasn't his car, but Tim Minor was the driver. He crept by me, a smirk on his face. I looked away from him. I saw a handsome blond youth in the back seat, looking at me intently. 'The famous Alan,' I told myself. 'I can see why Tim - or anyone - would be attracted to him. He's a knockout.' I couldn't compete with him. His look wasn't hostile or challenging, just curious. Someone on the passenger side in the front seat was shrouded in shadow. It looked like the shadow of a giant. 'I wonder if he's Tim's brother? His broad shoulders certainly match Tim's.' I finally cast my eyes down at the asphalt surface of the parking lot until they moved past me. I wasn't going to play any games. I crutched to my car.

The check-up with Dr. Sorenson was without note other than his instructions to start putting weight on my fractured leg, being careful not to overdo it. I was to return a few days after Christmas - perhaps he would free me from the crutches at that time.

The next morning, before class, as Greg Dunwoodie came in, he walked up to my desk rather than going to his desk at first. He greeted me. "How's it going Greg?"

"Actually, a little strange but better than I ever expected."

"How's that?"

"Jim Marbury, of all people, stopped me a few days ago and started chatting me up, asking me all sorts of questions. I'm not a jock. Jim usually talks only to jocks. Come to think of it, I see him talking to women, but it's pretty clear that he really isn't visiting. Just shooting out content - even with women. But Jim and I must have visited 15 minutes, which surprises me since I thought he didn't like me. It was like we were swapping information about what we are good at, so he complimented me on my strengths and told me some of his. Why do you think he did that, Mr. Halsey?"

"I have a feeling that someone to whom he listens told Jim that you are a worthwhile person to know, so Jim was following up. Sounds like he has some things to learn, especially in the area of social skills. You're a pretty polished fellow; maybe Jim was trying to pick up some pointers."

"You think so?"

"Well, can you think of a more plausible explanation?"

"Maybe he just wanted to talk to someone to kill time before class."

"Has he ever talked to you before in a similar situation 'just to kill time'?"

He thought a few moments. "No," he said slowly. "You think he might want to visit with me again?"

"Well, since he made the first gesture, why don't you return it? See what develops."

"Good idea. I think I'll do that."

Finally, Monday came. I'd survived the first weekend after Jeremy had moved out. I didn't realize how hooked on his presence I'd become. He filled the spaces of my house with energy, cheer, humor, beauty, love, caring, making it a genuine home. He filled the spaces of my heart with care, concern, beauty, and love. It takes a lot to fill so many spaces with all those virtues - and a special man. Jeremy was that!

I was glad that the week of Christmas had arrived. Wednesday was the last day of school until after New Year's. What in the world was I going to do to fill all that time? "Work on that job application letter and resume," the inner voice reminded me. "Now that Jeremy's moved out, you have an opportunity to go somewhere else. Or rake leaves if you ever get off those crutches." I smiled to myself. I would have to be careful not to go like gangbusters once I was rid of the crutches. It would be like me to so enjoy being unfettered again that, just like a kid, I'd try everything. I'd better consider hiring someone to take care of the leaves.

I was sitting at my desk in my classroom, engaged in this interior monologue, when students started drifting into the room. I'd missed catching Jeremy in the main foyer to talk about his essay. He hadn't made an appearance in the classroom yet. Hm-m-m-m-m-m. I decided I'd better stop by the restroom before classes began. I crutched down the hall, entering the restroom. I bent over a sink, splashing water in my face. I paused after swiping a paper towel over my face and replacing my glasses, studying my visage in the mirror. Looking for what? "Answers," was the reply from inside. Answers to what? I guess all my questions. What were the questions? It reminded me of my maxim used in teaching research, a maxim about asking the right questions if one wanted the right answers and remembering that a question could be degrees off the mark, which would produce skewed answers. After a bit, I realized that neither questions nor answers were going to leap out of the mirror. I remembered that I should be in my classroom, so I crutched back there.

As I entered the room, I heard Wendy Fielding talking excitedly to Beth Walker about some party she'd attended on Saturday night. "He was so sweet, so attentive. They make such an attractive couple, and you can tell when you see them how much they love each other. And a friend came from the state capital to attend the party too." I noted that Jeremy had arrived in my absence.

Nice to see Wendy so animated. Must have been a good party. Wendy wasn't a party animal. In fact, she was quite studious, earning a reputation for excellence in the sciences. It was the reason that she and Tim Minor hit it off so well. Tim and I were alike in our admiration of diligence in learning. Wendy deserved some good social experiences.

I was taking roll when Wendy hailed me. "Mr. Halsey, we missed you Saturday night."

"Who's 'we' and where?" I asked in a cavalier manner.

"All of us who were at Tim Minor's going-away party at Carol Dunning's home. Troy and Susan, Kenny and, later, Jeremy, Tony and Angela, Greg, Byron, Cody, LaRonda and Clifton were all there." My heart plummeted. I suddenly felt cold.

Wide-eyed, I studied the faces of each of those whose names Wendy had recited. Susan looked stricken. Troy glared at Wendy. Jeremy was looking to the side and at the floor. Kenny's head was bowed. Angela was avoiding my eyes, but Tony looked straight at me, betraying no emotion. Greg was staring at his lit book. Byron was looking at Wendy. LaRonda was looking down at her desk. All of them except Tony were looking anywhere but at me. Even Jeremy.

"Why weren't you there?" Wendy asked.

The room grew quieter. "I didn't know about it," I said softly. "I wasn't invited."

Wendy appeared startled, moved her mouth to say something, then swallowed whatever it was, allowing only a little "Oh," to escape, rather as though it were a hiccup.

'So, he didn't even want me there to say good-bye. I clearly didn't count for anything with him anymore. What a snub! The smirk I'd seen on his face a few days earlier in the parking lot now assumed more meaning. By inviting all my students, especially those who knew about Tim and me, he had ensured my humiliation, underlining my unworthiness. Now that I'd seen Alan, I didn't think I could argue that point.

But why hurt me this way? After all, he'd rejected me. Our paths no longer crossed. He had Alan. So what was the point of rubbing my nose in it? Why make the snub apparent to my students? They had to have known I wasn't invited because not a single person had said anything about the party or asked whether I was going. So why didn't Wendy know that I wasn't invited? Had she been set up to spring this information on me?' Throughout my rumination, my head had fallen lower and lower. Tears burned my eyes. 'NO, no tears!' I was starting to feel ill.

"Would you have gone, Evan?" that inner voice asked. 'I honestly don't know,' I thought. 'I might have attended to reach closure, to wish him well.'

I had to move us into an activity. Thinking quickly, I asked students to turn to a poem in their lit books. I could hardly speak, looking constantly down at our lit book. It was as though my throat muscles were paralyzed, my tongue abnormally thick. My voice sounded strange - croaky, which, I was certain, made students scrutinize me even more. I asked the class to move to the groups they had last occupied. They were to choose someone to read the poem aloud. Then they were to determine possible meanings the poem held for them. Then I moved out of the room and down the hall to the restroom.

When I reached there, I crutched inside and over to a wall, resting my head against the cool ceramic tile, slumping on my crutches, trying to push everything out of my mind, trying to quell tumultuous thoughts and feelings. So it was over. Really over. It wasn't until the import of Wendy's news about the going-away party that I realized that deep, deep within me, I'd allowed an ember of hope to burn, hope that Tim would miss me and return. How could I be so foolish! How many omens did I need to realize it was dead? That ember of hope was quenched. I felt it. I thought I'd felt empty before. It was nothing similar to what I felt now.

I heard the door swoosh open, feeling someone beside and behind me, hands grasping my shoulders. I didn't move. "Evan, tell us what to do to help you."

I turned my head slightly to see who was behind me. It was Troy, Jeremy, and Kenny. "Why didn't you guys warn me?"

"We didn't discuss it or anything, believe me," Jeremy explained. "I guess we decided individually that if we said nothing, the party would be over and you wouldn't know about it."

"We were trying to protect you, Evan," Troy added. "But I realized when Wendy asked you about the party in class today that we actually set you up for being hurt and embarrassed. I'm sorry."

Kenny continued, "We never imagined that it would be sprung on you - and so publicly. For once our judgment wasn't as sound as you think it is. I'm sorry, Evan. I know the others are too."

Troy asked again what they could do. "Thank you for coming. But you need to return to your groups. I'll be there shortly." I turned away from them. I heard footsteps, the swoosh of the door.

I thought they'd all gone. But someone put his hands on my shoulders, massaging and squeezing. "I let you down again, didn't I, Evan?" Jeremy asked.

"I think you've had a few other concerns on your mind, Jeremy. Please go back to your group. But don't leave class today without setting up an appointment to discuss your last essay."

(To be continued.)