Ambush

The following fictional story deals with sex among males. If you are offended by such material, are too young, or reside in an area where it is not allowed, depart. Though not observed in this story, care enough about yourself and humankind to practice safe sex.

The author retains all rights. No reproductions or links to other sites are allowed without the author's consent.

EvanBradley33@Yahoo.com

Chapter 34 Divine Gestures: Giving and Receiving

Evan was wondering if his internal state was comparable to that of the Biblical Daniel when he was thrust into a very different lion's den. He recalled his hurt over being left out of the guys' sex play. When they finally included him, disaster resulted, reminding him of the old warning, "Be careful what you wish for - you just may get it." As he was just about to step down into the sunroom, his mental ruminations were interrupted by another knock on the front door. He looked questioningly at Jeremy, who shrugged his shoulders in response to Evan's silent question.

Evan turned and walked into the living room. When he opened the front door, Troy was standing there with a suitcase in his hand and his school backpack over a shoulder, a faint smile on his face, not even enough for his dimples to pop out. "Is this Boys Town? Have you any more room for guys who've been kicked out of their homes?"

"Troy, I'm sorry," Evan replied. He reached out, clasping Troy's right bicep, giving it a squeeze and then pulling him through the door. He'd been half expecting this outcome of Troy's and his father's nearly hostile exchange over the nature of his relationship with Cody - but not so soon. Evan regarded Troy's father as a mega- controller, who was used to everyone's falling into line with his perspectives, values, and expectations. It was the ruling dynamic in the Morgan household. Father Morgan didn't realize he'd created a strong son in Troy, who wouldn't blanch in standing his own ground once he'd been driven to do so enough times. This was the third occasion. Father Morgan wouldn't be prepared for the next time when Troy would hold his ground.

Evan assured Troy, "You always have a home here. Come in and be welcome." As Troy started to step inside, Evan took the suitcase from his hand, for he knew that when this visitor spotted Cody, if not Ron, he might turn right around and walk out. That would not have been a good decision for Troy. He needed a harbor in which to recover. If Troy left, Evan would go crazy wondering if he were safe and supported in trying to get back on his feet emotionally.

When Troy did indeed spy Cody and Ron, he started to turn back. Anticipating what Troy might do, Kenny shot out of the sunroom, throwing his arms around Troy and burying his face between his pecs, blocking a departure. His sudden hug made Troy, by reflex, lean down and hug him back, a confused look on his face. Catching on to the interplay, Jeremy arose and strode forcefully out of the sunroom and over to Troy, clapping his arms about him as he too flattened his body against the two, uttering the soft greeting, "Welcome, Bro."

Troy moved his long arms around both of them, but he stole little glances at Ron and Cody. Evan knew Troy's synapses were firing, trying to read the purpose of the gathering, trying to determine how he was going to handle himself, trying to divine what might be expected of him.

Knowing Troy's imminent flight to be stalled, Jeremy assumed the role of moderator. "Kenny, take our brother's suitcase to my bedroom. Take his jacket too." Kenny immediately began to divest Troy of his jacket. Troy looked doubtful but cooperated. Jeremy placed his hand in the small of Troy's back and directed him to the sunroom with Evan following. Ron was sitting in Evan's usual chair, and Cody was on the end of the sofa nearest Ron. Troy seated himself in a chair as far across the room from Ron and Cody as possible, a choice that earned the most fleeting of grins from Jeremy. Kenny and he had their work cut out for them. Evan went to Troy's side of the room but even father away to the corner full of Norfolk pines. Jeremy had to stifle a giggle, thinking, 'He'd crawl into those pines and hide like a jungle cat if he thought he could get away with it.'

Kenny rejoined them, asking if anyone wanted something to drink. But the tension discouraged amenities, so all Kenny received were heads shaking in the negative. Jeremy began, "Troy, are you going to be okay? Is it too soon to ask what happened?"

Troy colored, looking under his eyebrows at Cody. He wouldn't look at Ron. Evan was studying Troy as was Kenny. "Now that I have a place to stay, a place where I'm accepted," - he emphasized the word "accepted," pointing verbally at Ron and Cody - "I'll be okay."

We sat in silence. Looking inside Troy, Kenny realized that Troy wanted very much to discuss what had happened, but he was reluctant to talk about it in front of Cody and Ron. Evan shot a glance at Jeremy and Kenny and then at Ron, who was just waiting for some kind of gesture from Evan. He knew what Evan was encouraging him to do - assume his Lionship, which he did. "Troy, whatever has happened, you are still a Lion, you are still a member of this Pride, we still love and care for you. We regret that some situation has forced you out of your home. The Pride has some issues to sort out, but we can't do that until we know what's happening with you. Can you set those other issues aside for the moment so that we can find out why you had to leave home?"

Troy looked directly at Ron, then Cody, then the rest of us in turn. He looked down at the carpet. "My dad kicked me out because he overheard me telling Susan that I was upset with Cody and you." Troy paused. "When I got home after the ambush, I thought everyone was in bed. I needed to talk to someone. As I often do in a house that's usually noisy, I went out on the patio and called Susan on my cell phone. I'd closed the sliding screen door but left the glass patio door ajar because I didn't want to be locked out. Once when I did this, one of my brothers walked by and flipped the lock, so I couldn't get back in. I had to raise a ruckus before someone came to open the door."

"I didn't know my dad had come downstairs to the kitchen for a beer. I guess my feelings were boiling so much I wouldn't have heard anything anyway. He apparently stood there, listening to me talk about Cody's getting it on with another guy - I didn't use your name, Ron - and how upset I was that I was shut out. Of course, Susan knew about Cody and me. We'd talked about the things Cody and I had done with each other, and I was going on about how it all seemed to count for nothing. We didn't talk too long. After Susan and I ended our conversation, I knew I was in trouble because I heard the screen door immediately slide open." He paused, cleared his throat, and gulped noisily. Kenny arose and shot out of the sunroom, returning like a flash with a glass of water, which he handed to Troy. He took a long drink.

"Dad asked me if I was a homo. . . . I didn't want to answer. Then he wanted to know what kind of a relationship a fag could have with a woman like Susan. . . . I was speechless." He looked over at Evan. "Unlike that other time a week ago that I told you about, Evan, I couldn't even pull up words in my mind to put together an answer. I think it was just the surprise of it all when I was already upset. Dad stood there for a bit, and then he said in a quiet, angry voice full of hate, 'Get your things and get your queer ass out of here - tonight. I won't have a fag under my roof. I won't have you messing with your brothers. Do it now and do it quietly. I'll tell the family in the morning - well, your mother anyway. I'll let her figure out what to tell the boys.'" Ron saw Evan frown at that last bit of information. He didn't need to read minds to know that Evan thought Troy's father a coward and bully. "'She'll tell you when you can come back to get the rest of your stuff. I don't want to see you again.' Dad turned around and went back upstairs."

The silence lasted a while. There was nothing to be said about the injury and hurt Troy was suffering. Jeremy arose, went over to Troy, sitting on the arm of his chair, and put his arm around Troy's shoulders. Troy looked up as Jeremy spoke: "I've been there, Bro. At least you didn't do something stupid and hurt someone as I did. You came where you knew you'd be welcome. It hurts like hell now, and you're more confused than you've ever been in your life, and you're feeling totally lost, and you are wondering if you are worth anything and what people will say. It looks as though you've lost your whole world forever. But you've gotten past the worst of it. I promise it will get better."

Evan spoke softly: "I know I speak for Jeremy too, Troy, when I assure you that this will be your home as long as you need." Troy mutely shook his head in the affirmative. "Where did you stay after your dad kicked you out?"

"I went to a diner to have some coffee and think." When I got sleepy, I went to that Comfort Inn east of our school. I had grabbed my stash of cash when I was packing, so I had enough money with me. Susan and I talked today about this mess. Then we had an early dinner tonight. She told me to come here. Thank you, Evan and Jeremy, for taking me in." He shot a quick glance at Cody, who was frowning. Was he angry at Troy for inadvertently outing him to his dad? Angry at Troy because of the issues around the ambush? Angry because Troy had given him the cold shoulder all day at school? Angry that Troy had gone to Evan and Jeremy rather than to him? Angry at Troy's father?

Jeremy turned to the group. "Kenny and I asked all of you to be here because we love each and everyone of you. You aren't just friends or buddies. We all are something more to each other - we're members of the Pride. No matter what happens, Troy, you have us. We're here for you. As Ron has mentioned, some unexpected issues have arisen that we need to address before they damage us, damage the Pride. We all observed during Ron's claiming of Cody that something even they didn't expect occurred. I think they've probably had time to discuss what that was, so let's allow our Alpha Lion to share that information with us," he concluded, turning to Ron.

Evan marveled at Jeremy's soothing tone, the balanced approach to discussing circumstances that left them angry, hurt, and hostile. Pride over Jeremy's leadership welled up in his heart.

Ron glanced at each one in the room before replying. He had perceived and understood so much about Troy and Cody, but he also needed to focus on restoring trust in his lover, Evan. He wasn't going to lose him. Evan was fiddling nervously with loops in the carpet on which he was sitting.

"Jeremy is perceptive. Cody and I had a long talk after the last meeting of the Pride. Something underground had been going on with the two of us almost since I started teaching here. I'll try to relate what we discovered. Cody, jump in whenever you want to add something."

Ron caught them all in a glance again. "Cody's behavior, especially around men to whom he is attracted, strong men, is 'in-your-face,' for want of a better term. Some would call it aggressive, even hostile. It's meant to get him noticed, a goal that Cody has not fully understood until the other night." A little smile skittered across Cody's face before it shut down.

Ron continued, "Cody wants to belong, to be claimed. Sometimes to be temporarily mastered in order to feel that someone values him so much that they want to possess him. It wasn't until we talked that Cody realized that this drive results from his home life, from a father who doesn't know how to relate, let alone demonstrate approval of and love for his son. I guess we're observing a couple of lessons tonight in how fathers can make life difficult for their children."

Cody squirmed when Troy raised his eyes to study him, a softer look assuming a presence there. Jeremy and Kenny were constantly monitoring the body language of everyone. Ron kept looking at Evan, hoping to catch his eye, to see if Evan were beginning to work out the ramifications of Ron's statements.

All of a sudden, Evan, asked, without looking up, "Cody, how do you feel about your biological father?" Ron was quick to note Evan's distinction between Cody's birth father and some other possible father figure. Was Evan catching on?

"What do you mean?" he asked Evan, who still wasn't looking up from drawing invisible designs on the carpet. "Feel what?"

"Are you positively disposed toward him?"

"I don't despise or hate him if that's what you're wondering. He is what he is because that's the way he was raised. His dad never 'fathered' him in a positive way, so he doesn't know how he should have fathered me. My fate could have been his, but I wanted something more. I don't know if my dad wanted more and then just gave up when it didn't come along or when there was no one to show him. I wasn't going to allow that to happen to me. But I didn't know how to go about it because Dad never showed me anything except indifference. It's ironic. Troy's dad almost wants to live his life through Troy, and my dad doesn't act like I'm alive. I had to make up my own plan for getting what I wanted. I thought failure awaited me if I related to others as everyone else did. That's why I got in people's faces. If I pushed, they would let me know right away what they really felt about me - the way Evan did. Maybe at some point I can help my dad find what I've found."

After a pause, Evan remarked softly, "You're a good son." Evan still had not looked up at the others. "If anyone can make it work for him, it will be you." Cody studied Evan without betraying any reaction to Evan's words. The sunroom remained quiet.

Realizing that Evan was not going to look at him so that he could signal his gratitude for Evan's reaching out in understanding to Cody, Ron continued, "Here's the important point for all of us to grasp: Cody's behavior was a test to see if he could evoke acceptance from certain men in his life. If they found value in him, they would want to possess him, dominate him. Many males like to do that. He didn't want the conventional domination/submission situation. So he was always engaging in a dance trying to bring domination and surrender into a meaningful juxtaposition for him, leading to some kind of fulfilling relationship. For Cody, surrender is not submission. He's too strong for submission. Any mastery he allows will not be the type that dominators usually expect.

"At some point Cody worked it out that he had to find a contrast to his father, had to find a Lion. That's when the banter between us started. He was trying to decide if I could be his spiritual and emotional father." Here Evan shot a glance up at Ron, to which he immediately smiled back before Evan ducked his head again. "I didn't know if I could fill Cody's need and Evan's at the same time."

"When Ron came along," Cody butted in, earning a proud grin from Ron, "I immediately felt that we connected deep down. The first challenge I threw at him didn't ruffle his feathers. I almost had to give up holding his piercing gaze, but I saw a spark of interest in his eyes the longer I stared back. He was challenging me! It grew into other moments that brought us closer. When I was feeling down at the end of the last ballgame, he came up to me and hugged me so hard and long that I knew he cared a lot for me - and I didn't even have to challenge him that time."

Cody was silent for a bit, studying the faces of those who were looking at him. He kept looking at Evan, hoping for a sign of understanding from him, but Evan, refusing to look at them, continued drawing designs in the carpet with his fingertip. "I never intended, Evan, to interfere in your and Ron's relationship." Now Evan looked up at Cody. "You know how I feel about you, what you mean to me," Cody sought to reassure Evan.

"No, I don't think I do now."

"When I pull my stuff on other people, they usually say nothing because they aren't certain what I want or what I'm going to do. But you talked right back to me when Jarod Paine and I were fighting over Valerie. You let me know that you were calling the shots, that I didn't intimidate you, but you weren't dismissing me as some punk. I don't know how you do it, but after you ordered me out of the men's room and back to my classroom, I left understanding that you hadn't taken the easy way out and dissed me because Jarod was your student." Evan looked back at the carpet, shaking his head in agreement. "After the last ballgame, when I retreated to the locker room, you hunted me up to tell me I was a warrior and champion that night, more evidence that I counted with you."

"May I explain this part to Troy?" Cody asked Ron. No one missed the implication that their discussion had covered what they considered the entire landscape that led to their surprising relationship.

"Go ahead, Son," Ron replied, his term of address another disclosure to all present. Jeremy and Cody connected in a glance, trading smiles.

Cody looked up at Troy, catching his eyes. "As far back as junior high, I was so attracted to you, Troy, that I tried to turn myself into a clone of you, the reason we are such twins on the basketball court. When I shot hoops in junior high, I wasn't Cody Saxon. I was Troy Morgan. I watched you closely, trying to stand as you did, to hold my arms like you, to kick my feet the way you did in a jump shot, to copy you in every way. It's been that way my entire time of being around you. At first, I thought turning myself into your image had brought us closer, but only to a point. You didn't express love for me beyond what you felt for other guys, leaving me really frustrated."

Troy studied Cody, perceiving dynamics in his relationship with Cody that he'd never sensed before. All was becoming clear.

"Since that didn't work," Cody went on, "I decided that Evan would make a good dad for me." Again, Evan looked up, fixing Cody in a glance that betrayed nothing internal, but all knew that Cody had struck another chord. "I'd watched as Evan and Jeremy drew closer together. Then when Evan totally accepted Jeremy after the accident on the stairs, I thought Evan could really accept me too. I knew that Troy had special feelings for Evan. If I could get Evan to fuck me, then Troy might, and if Troy fucked me, I thought he'd have to love me. Then I'd have a dad and lover and all my dreams fulfilled. But it didn't work out that way. Tim Minor had messed Evan up . . ." - Evan blinked and flushed slightly - ". . . and Troy fucked me, but he didn't seem to catch on that I wanted him to love me the way he loves Susan. I don't want to compete with her or edge her out of Troy's life, for then he wouldn't be the Troy he is now . . . the Troy I love. Besides, I love Susan too, but I want him to love me as much as he loves Susan." Cody blushed and gulped at this point, but he continued to study Troy's face. Troy's wide eyes testified to his surprise at what he'd just heard.

"I may not be saying all this as carefully as I should; it's still not all that clear to me. I'm not meaning to hurt anyone's feelings. I've done enough of that. Troy, we've both shut each other out. After the winning basket in our last basketball game, I stood under the basket where you triumphed, waiting for you to give me some sign that you appreciated how I contributed to your success. You shut me out. You think that's what Ron and I did to you. I just want you to understand that what you are thinking about Dad and me isn't true. Oh yeah - when I say 'Dad,' I mean Ron." Ron smiled proudly at Cody, looking around the room. Understanding began to suffuse the faces of the group - except for Evan, who once again was focused on the carpet.

Ron picked up the explanation again. "Cody told me the other night that he was attracted to me like iron filings to a magnet. Following his strategy, he started taunting me, calling me 'Old Man,' trying to goad me into reacting as he wished. It wasn't until we talked after the ambush that we realized he wanted me as a father figure. When I claimed Cody, we turned on so much to each other that we couldn't control our reactions, but it wasn't as lovers."

"I should explain," Ron said, "that for years I had secretly harbored a desire to be a father. When I accepted that I was gay, I didn't think it would ever happen. Because of the obstacles, I didn't put any stock in stories about someone gay adopting a child. When I learned that Jeremy was to become Evan's adopted son, my love for Evan and Jeremy deepened. Then when Kenny and Jeremy announced that, as far as they were concerned, I was their dad too because Evan and I were in a relationship, my delight and pride knew no bounds. Two great guys loved me enough that they wanted a paternal dynamic in their relationship with me. I thought it couldn't get any better."

"I had sensed something special with Cody through our constant sparring. During the ambush, when Cody was fucking me, the attraction grew and grew. It was as though this force that I'd thought was small grew to gigantic proportions, so that when I claimed this Lion Cub, it poured out of both of us, consuming us, transmuting our feelings for each other. As we've indicated, it wasn't until we retreated to my apartment that we tipped to how deep the transformation was." At the mention of "my apartment," Evan's eyes had shot a look at Ron under his eyebrows and his back stiffened. No one but Jeremy and Kenny noticed it. Evan lowered his eyes quickly. Silence filled the sunroom. Evan had stopped drawing on the carpet.

"What's also ironic," Ron continued, "is that two of the hot men in my life, Evan and Cody, want to surrender to me for the same reason - they want proof that a man values them so much that he wants to dominate them, wants to love them for who they are. And they need and love him so much that he accepts their surrender to him. To me that's one of the true strengths of the tribe, part of its magic. It's not about taking, using, and humiliating so that one can feel powerful. That's the cheapest kind of power. Bullying really. The Pride's about receiving and providing, the proper, divine roles of domination. Sex is an intensely powerful, intimate way of surrendering and accepting, receiving and providing. Sometimes Cody and Evan have wanted the same from you guys. And they are exactly alike in that they want to be mastered occasionally, not all the time. Trying to force them into that stance is like forcing a Missouri mule to become a docile creature eager to please." Troy, Kenny, and Jeremy snickered.

"They are different only in that Cody got in my face about it. Evan hoped I'd figure out about him on my own without his having to tell me. I love them both just as I love all you guys. But I hope Evan knows that he's my number one man, my lover." Evan looked at Ron briefly. Ron wasn't surprised that Evan remained aloof. He'd spoken to Cody and Evan both. But he knew too that there were probably other issues bothering Evan, which he needed to discover.

The group sat in silence, contemplating the permutations Ron had sketched. After a time, Troy broke the silence, looking at Cody sincerely. "Ron's told us what you want from him. What do you want from me, Cody?"

Cody stared back, knowing the time had arrived for Troy to divine that answer on his own. And how would he lead Troy to do that? Everyone was looking at Troy. Finally, Kenny spoke softly, "O Lion, you must claim your Cub. That's what Lions do. Find their Cubs and claim them in a way that matches who they are." Troy's eyes widened slightly as he studied Kenny, recognizing his sincerity, his gentleness, his ability to see what was so often hidden in others. He looked then at Jeremy, who slowly nodded his head in the affirmative. Then Ron, who followed suit.

"Ron, may I claim your son as my male lover? Will you accept me?"

Ron looked at Cody, who blushed like a maiden, his smile so big it could have cracked his face. "Dad, I want it; I love him," Cody said, turning to look at Troy. They arose at once. Without looking at Jeremy, Troy said, "Hey Jeremy . . . Bro, I'm commandeering your bedroom. I need to show my man, how much I love him." Cody rushed into Troy's arms, where he was kissed passionately. Turning together, they walked out of the sunroom and down the hallway. Jeremy and Kenny snickered, for Troy had his big right hand planted on Cody's butt with his middle finger thrust between Cody's legs. They shared their amusement through smiles with Ron. Suddenly Ron's gaze shifted to Evan, whose head was still down, looking at the carpet. He was not smiling.

Quick on the uptake, Kenny said, "Hey Lover, all this talk of love and fucking and Lions and Cubs has made me horny. I need your stud Lion services. Let's retreat to the sofa bed in the family room since you gave our bed away." Jeremy laughed softly, and they arose, holding hands and walking casually out of the sunroom through the dining room to the family room.

Only Ron and Evan remained in the sunroom. Ron could feel his gut tighten. He'd lost his support group. The silence was deafening.

Throughout the exchange, Evan had seemed mostly tuned out. Ron didn't know what Evan believed or didn't believe. He had no clues about how to proceed with what he needed to say to Evan. Damn! This was like pulling teeth. The first words out of his mouth would have to be the right words.

"Evan, you have a son. Can't I have a son, too?"

After a pause, Evan responded, "If you both are agreeable, why not? . . . What are Jeremy and Kenny to you now?"

"I consider them sons too, but their first attachment is to you. I would like one whose first attachment is to me."

"Congratulations. You have your son." Throughout the exchange, Evan refused to look at Ron.

"You aren't jealous?"

"Are you jealous of Jeremy?"

"Of course not."

"Then how could I be jealous of Cody? . . .If you hadn't shut me out, you'd have known that I accept Cody's and your special relationship. I'm not blind or stupid. I could see that there was some unique chemistry between Cody and you. When you were claiming Cody, I came over to join you to make your claiming better by giving pleasure to both of you. I understand now what was going on with you two, and I still accept it. I'm happy for both of you. What bothers me is that neither one of you knew I was there. Both Troy and I were shut out. We didn't count. Can you come anywhere close to comprehending how much I'm hurt when you shut me out? Doesn't everyone feel that way?" Evan looked him straight in the eyes. Ron almost wished he hadn't. Evan's blues were cold steel. "You count with me - all the time. Cody counts with me when he needs it."

"You count with me too," Ron claimed with a little heat. The heat was due, Evan knew, to Ron's feeling guilty.

"I don't count when you don't even know I'm right behind you eating your ass out. I know now that when you are around me, when there is nothing to distract you, I count. When those conditions aren't present, I don't."

"When Kenny told me," Ron responded, "that you had made love to me but I didn't even know you were there, I had the coldest feeling inside. Like I'd harmed someone innocent through carelessness or stupidity. I did do that, didn't I? . . . I know now how Jeremy felt when he realized he'd pushed you down the stairs at school. However, you're wrong about one thing - you always count with me. Time and circumstance alone will make everyone feel shut out at some point in life. That doesn't mean that it's intended. Cody and I didn't intend to shut you out. We were in the grip of primal forces."

"Besides the circumstance that brought us to this discussion this evening, I have other evidence that I don't count for much."

"Like what?"

"Like my numerous requests to be invited to your apartment. To you, it's a small matter in itself. The point you apparently missed is that, for me, it's an index of something larger."

"What larger?"

"Acceptance. Validation. Really belonging as opposed to just being used. Being special . . . I'm never good enough to be invited to your apartment, but others are. Besides Cody, who else has been to your apartment?"

Ron didn't want to answer. Evan had nailed him. He knew if the conversation were going to continue, he'd have to answer. "Kenny, Jeremy, Cody, Susan, Troy, Tony and Angela, others in my department and classes. I don't see what the big deal is."

"Of course you don't see what a big deal it is. If you'd examined our history together, you would have detected why it meant a lot to me. I wanted to see your lair. I needed to discover what it revealed about your inner landscape. I wanted to use that perception to create fantasies about us, the center of which would be you. I hoped to use it to bond deeply with you. I craved the scent of your home and immersion in your space." Ron was amazed to catch a light beginning deep in Evan's eyes and to hear muted excitement in Evan's voice as he detailed what he had hoped for from visiting Ron's apartment. He was dismayed that he'd blundered so badly in not picking up on the signals Evan had sent him.

"Do you know I never saw Tim's place when he was here?" Evan asked. I can see darker reasons he'd not want that to happen. Now you're doing the same. The big deal is that you denied me privileges that you extended to others. I DON'T count when you do that. Why, when you are given a choice, do you always want to come to my place?"

Ron's dismay grew as he realized that the ground he occupied in this discussion was growing shakier. "Your home is you. I feel more comfortable here than any place else. I connect best with you here. Sex with you here is great. Sometimes I fantasize about what it would be like to live here with you and Jeremy."

"So it's important for you to feel this way about my home, but not for me to feel that way about where you live." Ron flinched. Evan had nailed him on that one. "All I heard in your reply was 'me,' 'me,' 'me.' How YOU feel, what's best for YOU, how sex is for YOU. What's got you so blocked that you can't see that that I don't count if that's your focus?"

"You have a home. I just have an apartment. It's not the same." He knew the distinction sounded lame.

"I wouldn't know. And since you keep me away, neither would you. In terms of what we've just said we wanted from being in each other's homes, your pointing to a home as opposed to an apartment amounts to a distinction without a difference. You didn't get your college degrees defending your position with such wimpy arguments. If you can't do better than that, my contention carries the day - I don't count with you. YOU count with you." Evan's blazing eyes punctuated his last statement. Ron's and Evan's emotions had reached a high pitch. It was the first major difference that had challenged them.

"Okay, suit up. We're going to my apartment since it's so important to you," Ron explained.

Evan shook his head in disbelief, looking down at the carpet. How he hated that casual reference about how it was so important to see Ron's apartment! Ron either wasn't perceiving or he was ignoring what Evan had just told him. "No," Evan muttered with barely disguised vehemence - almost a growl, actually.

"No?"

Evan said nothing, for he had expressed himself.

"I mean it. I want you to see my apartment."

"Bull! If it were that important, it would have happened before now." Evan whispered bitterly, "And that tag line 'since it's so important to you' that you tacked on your invitation tells me it's not important to you. There's nothing more to be said on the point."

"I mean it. I want to take you there - in every way."

"Fuck you!" Evan exclaimed. He didn't know which was the strongest emotion - anger, disappointment, disillusionment, embarrassment.

It hit Ron like a ton of bricks. He never imagined that Evan's and his relationship would connect with Tim and Evan's time together. It had never occurred to him because he came along after Tim had dumped Evan. In Ron's mind, their hooking up had made Evan's time with Tim past history. He wondered why he hadn't realized it before. Evan was expecting him to prove that he wasn't going to behave as Tim had. He'd need to think on that in the future. He didn't give enough credit to their both being mixed in with Tim. But he was losing ground here.

"I'm sorry. I've no defense. You're right. I've been focusing only on me. My only defense is that I've been hung up on fitting myself into a new life, a new job, a new city, a new relationship. I have looked upon you as the settled one, the established one, the one who doesn't have to prove or build anything. So it's my job to make that happen for me too. I imagined that if the sex was good, everything was okay between us. I obviously haven't been in a serious relationship for a long time. I have to show you that you count with me - I can't lose you. Let's go to my apartment now."

Evan refused to answer or look at him. "Evan, obstinacy is not virtue in itself. It's only a virtue when it serves a higher purpose. Your stubbornness now doesn't. I've apologized. I'm trying to make amends." He knew he'd hit a target when Evan glanced up and him and then allowed his eyes to slide to the side.

Ron leapt forward, grabbing Evan in his heavy arms, pulling him tightly against him. Evan tried to push away, fear in his eyes, which sent pain knifing through Ron's heart. He never wanted to see that look in Evan's eyes again. Ron mashed his mouth on Evan's and rammed his hard cock against Evan's, grinding them together. Evan's struggles began to diminish as the warmth of Ron's body filled him. Ron's sucked the air right out of Evan's lungs to the point that Evan felt powerless to resist. But he knew his lack of will had nothing to do with physical power and everything to do with Ron's exerting his strength against him to demonstrate his love. He felt the hurt melting away as Ron began to establish his possession of him. Gradually, Ron exhaled into Evan's mouth, filling his lungs, leaving him limp. Ron broke the kiss, putting a hand on the back of Evan's neck, pulling his head back so Ron could look at his face.

"I-love-you! You-count-with-me," he said forcefully, slowly, dragging it out for impact. I regret your and Troy's feeling shut out. At least you know that it wasn't intentional. Cody and I don't feel pleasure in shutting out the two guys who give our lives their chief meaning. Tell me you forgive us." Evan was staring into his eyes. "Tell me." He mashed his lips down on Evan's again, evoking a response. Evan clasped him tighter. When he broke the kiss, he demanded a response. "Tell me."

"I forgive you," Evan gasped out.

Again Ron mashed his mouth on Evan's as he started peeling him out of his clothes. Evan started pulling off Ron's clothes. They were rolling around the floor to free this sleeve or that limb. If they had to break from a kiss to assist, unbutton, or unfasten, they moved right back into another hot kiss. Then they attacked each other's bodies, neither one wanting to give ground. Their lovemaking grew intense, feverish, driven.

Ron planted a big hand over Evan's pecs, pushing him to the floor. Then he dove down to Evan's ass, eating it out like a starved man. He laved it with spit. No way was he going to run the risk of breaking long enough to find lube. He started tonguing Evan's hole, stopping to administer little nips with his teeth on his ass cheeks, which had Evan moaning, whimpering, his legs pedaling, trying to roll away. Evan was whispering Ron's name over and over. Then he threw Evan's legs over his shoulders, knee-walked up to Evan's ass, and pushed his hard dick in. Evan's back arched as a sigh escaped. Ron started plowing Evan's ass, all the while eating his pecs, biting his nipples, kissing him.

Evan wasn't passive. He was smothering Ron in kisses, running his hands up Ron's arms and thighs and squeezing the muscles, twisting his nipples, running his hands through his hair when Ron leaned down.

Then Ron scooped his muscled arms under Evan, lifting him up and flattening him against Ron's body. Evan locked his legs around Ron's waist. Ron started gyrating his cock inside Evan while the latter started rotating his ass in circles on Ron's cock. They ground their chests together, Ron's nipples tantalized by the hair on Evan's chest while Evan's nipples experienced the same from Ron. Ron's hairy abs were working over the underside of Evan's hard cock. Evan was running his fingers through Ron's short hair and kissing and biting his lips. "Hold on, Cub," Ron warned as he slowly stood, allowing Evan to sink deeper on his cock. Both of them swore softly over the pleasure they derived from settling deeper into the other. Ron started walking around the sunroom, stopping to pump Evan hard, then allowing Evan to use his legs and ass to pump himself on Ron's cock. They both were trembling. Even their voices were beginning to quiver with pleasure. Evan was whimpering lightly and Ron was actually growling, trying to make the pleasure last for both of them.

Evan was so deeply impaled on Ron's hard cock that his ass lips were kissing the top of Ron's scrotum and clasping in spasms. It felt to Ron as though Evan's ass were trying to gobble his balls. Ron's engorged cock was pummeling Evan's prostate to the point that Evan was losing control to the waves of pleasure washing through him, causing him to writhe against Ron's body, which led the soft, hot tissue deep within Evan's chute to massage the head of Ron's dick. Exquisite pleasure was heating up Ron's cock, balls, and ass. He could feel the hair all over his body begin to stand up.

Evan gasped, "Ron . . . Ron . . . Ron. I love you. Please . . . please . . ." he pulled back and looked pleadingly at Ron.

"No, Evan, you haven't . . . lost me. Now you . . . know . . . you count."

Had their eyes not been focused so exclusively on each other, they would have seen Cody with Troy behind him, peeking at them out of the hallway to the bedrooms. Troy's arm was thrown around Cody's left hip, his hand clasping Cody's cock and balls while Cody's right arm was reaching back playing with Troy's cock. At first, the couple didn't see Jeremy and Kenny peeking out of the dining room into the sunroom, the backside of Kenny flattened to the front side of his lover, who was clasping him tightly with his legs, one hand on Kenny's fat dick and the other pulling on his nipples. As they began to make sympathetic gasps and moans at the hot action they were watching, they looked around and spied the other couple, grinning at each other, pointing to the clothes scattered about the sunroom.

Being a horn dog, Jeremy began sliding his hard dick, slick with precum that always seemed present when he was with Kenny, up and down Kenny's crack. The hot action they were witnessing ensured that precum was plentiful among all the guys. When Troy saw what Jeremy was doing, he followed suit, to Cody's delight.

Suddenly Evan shouted out his orgasm, his legs shooting straight down along side Ron's legs, his spine stiffening. At the same time, Ron clasped Evan tightly to him, shouting as he jammed his cock up deep into Evan. They shuddered and leapt in each other's embrace, twisting from side to side, causing Ron to drop into a squat to keep from toppling. They pumped out streams of cum, moaning their love to the other. Slowly Evan raised his legs so that his bent knees lay along Ron's hips, allowing him to hunch his ass down on Ron's cock. They were kissing deeply. Kenny uttered a "damn" as precum oozed out of his fat cock. Cody a "double damn." Slowly, Ron raised one eyelid to see the origin of the exclamations. Evan was somewhat slower to do so.

"So," Ron slowly intoned, "the sons come to study the Dads to see how to do it mighty fine." Then he snorted out a laugh, mildly swatting Evan on his ass. Suddenly Kenny's ass shot back against Jeremy as a stream of cum shot out of his cock. Jeremy started shuddering against Kenny, pumping his cum out at the top of Kenny's crack. Troy suddenly lifted Cody up by jamming his cock more deeply against his ass, shooting blobs of cum up Cody's back, raising Cody off the floor, making his eyes close as bullets of cum shot out of Cody's cock.

When they had recovered, Jeremy exclaimed, "That was hot, Dad. We have to get a camcorder. We've GOT to start getting some of this action on film."

Evan smiled. "Guess again, Lion."

"So you guys are okay?" Troy asked.

"We're getting there," Ron answered.

"I have just one question," Evan gasped. "Will we ever make love in a bed?"

Laughter was instantaneous.

The next morning went smoothly for Evan, Jeremy and Troy. Jeremy had insisted that Troy sleep in his bed, and he stayed on the sofa bed where the scent of his lover still clung to the sheets. After embracing Jeremy and Evan, Troy again thanked them for putting him up. Jeremy and he worked out plans for integrating Troy's clothes into his closet and creating a study area for him. Overhearing them, Evan smiled as each one prepared his own breakfast, Troy following Jeremy's lead. Evan thought Troy's stay might bring Jeremy and him closer together, if that was possible.

Later that morning, after Evan dismissed his first class, Troy and Susan approached his desk. "Are you coming to the spirit rally this afternoon, Mr. Halsey?" Troy asked.

"There's a spirit rally today? I guess I forgot. When is it?"

"Last hour is cut shorter so everyone can attend. It's in the gym. Please come," Troy pleaded. "You set me on this course, so I want you there to support me."

"Course?"

"You know - the winning basket at the last game, acknowledging others' contributions."

"Oh . . . Okay. I'll be there."

As the school day wound down, Evan didn't give much more thought to the spirit rally until his last-hour students began to grow restless, anticipating the early release from class. As the bell sounded, they rose and poured out into the hallway excitedly, chattering away about the next game. He allowed the halls to clear before he made his way to the gym, finding space to lean up against a wall of the causeway into the gym with other faculty members. The cheerleaders spread across the court while the band struck up music as a backdrop to the cheerleaders' routine. Students' spirits were high as they clapped in rhythm to the music. Craning his neck a bit, Evan spied the basketball team sitting together with the coach, Dave Hernandez, and with Walt Ford and Ray Simpson, the assistant coaches, scattered among the players. When the routine ended, the cheerleaders led a cheer, after which Dave Hernandez stepped out of the bleachers to the floor to speak about the team's current race for top spot in the league, the excitement of Troy's winning basket at the last game, and the school the team would play next. Then he turned the floor over to Coach Ford, who talked about what the team had been working on since the last game. Coach Simpson issued the standard warnings - no one was looking down the road past this next game, for winners played only one game at a time so that they could focus on the need to win.

When Coach Hernandez took the floor again, he announced that one of the co-captains of the team, Troy Morgan, had asked to speak, so the coach gestured with his hand to a spot next to him for Troy, who arose and walked out on the floor. Troy turned to face the crowd, flashing those dimples in a killer smile. Evan heard more than one sigh float out from the mass of students.

"I want to thank you all for your slaps on the back, your good words, your congratulations after I was able to convert Cody's winning steal and pass into the winning shot." Here he captured Cody in his gaze so that all could see, but only the Pride recognized the full meaning that flashed between the two lovers. "That's what I want to talk about. Mr. Halsey told me recently that when a decent man makes a mistake, he goes back to where things went wrong and makes them as right as he can. This isn't the ball game, but it's the closest to it I can come." Dave Hernandez leaned out and stared at Evan. Kate Williams was doing the same, her eyebrows raised and a small smile on her face.

"I'm disappointed in myself for not sharing the limelight with Cody. I couldn't have made that basket if Cody hadn't kept his cool as the last five seconds ticked off the clock, stole the ball, dribbled down the court, and passed off to me - all without a foul. It wouldn't have made any difference where I was located on the court if he hadn't gained control of the ball."

"When the game ended, I allowed you all to carry me in a victory walk without including Cody. I allowed myself to be interviewed for TV as though the team and Cody had done nothing to contribute to that win. I forgot Cody, and I forgot the team that pulled us within one point of our opponents so that a basket would allow us to win." He paused a moment, swallowing, jamming his hands in his back pockets. "It changes nothing, but just so you understand, I slipped up because I was having some problems at home." Here a wan smile moved his lips slightly. "Is there a home where a teenager resides that isn't bumpy once in a while?" Murmurs of laughter moved around the crowd of students.

"Cody, would you come out here, please, and stand right by me? Would the team come out here and stand with me and the coaches, please?" Evan smiled, for he knew what Troy was going to do - classy all the way.

The team members looked at each other, puzzled expressions abounding. Nevertheless, they arose and ambled out on the floor, a little self- conscious to be the unexpected center of attention. When Cody was beside him, Troy looped a long arm around his shoulders and pulled him into his body. "Cody, I apologize for forgetting the first rule of team sports - there is no winner, no hero, only winners who are heroes. The credit for that winning point belongs with you, not just me." A few hands began clapping, but Troy help up a hand to indicate that there was more. Troy turned and looked on both sides of him at the team. "Guys, I apologize for taking credit for all your hard work on the court that night. You are all winners and heroes to me." The students would not have their urge delayed any longer. The cheerleaders, followed by the students, applauded loudly in agreement.

Troy had to hold his hands up after a bit to quell the applause. "Being a co-captain isn't just an honor. With it comes responsibility to be the best, most complete leader possible. His behavior must also equal that of his co-captain. He has to fulfill his coaches' expectations and honor his team members. He has to respect his fellow students and school. He is expected to show the best in sportsmanship. The second he starts behaving as though he's what it's all about, his usefulness begins to end. I apologize to all of you and the student body for behaving as I did after the last game. I even shut out the woman who's the light of my light. I'm sorry, Susan . . . .You know what's in my heart." Susan smiled back as all present turned to look at her, smiling in their knowledge of the special relationship that existed between Susan and Troy.

"Because I let everyone down, I'm stepping down as co-captain. I'll still play on the team, contributing what I can and giving my all, but I don't deserve to be co-captain." Evan had to choke back a laugh. Dave Hernandez's eyes suddenly bugged out. So was Garth Dawson's, the other co-captain. A dropped pin could have been heard in the moments of silence that followed. Troy was looking at Susan, who was smiling support to him as was Cody. The team members started murmuring among themselves, checking out others' reactions to Troy's surprise announcement. Troy looked over at Evan and winked. Evan winked back.

To everyone's surprise, Jim Marbury stepped out from the group. "I'd like to say something, Coach Hernandez."

Dave slowly nodded his agreement, wondering if he was setting himself up for another bombshell. "Troy, we appreciate your feelings and your sharing credit with us. We understand what you're saying. But I think you're doing it again - forgetting that you're on a team, I mean. All of us elected Garth and you captains. I can't speak for the others, but I'm not ready to see you step down from being our co- captain. How about you, Garth?"

Garth hurled out a loud "No!"

Jim turned toward the coaches. "How about the coaches?" A unified "No" came back. Jim turned back to Garth. "Do you want to do the honors, Garth, since you're also our captain?"

Garth Dawson, tall and lanky, broad-shouldered and slim-hipped, not handsome but a nice-looking senior, strode over to Troy. He looked at all the team members. "Troy, I think I speak for the team. We aren't going to let you step down. You've disappointed yourself, not us. Credit is nice, but winning is nicer. I can't speak for Cody here - maybe he needs to speak for himself. But no one here is disappointed in you. Winning that game still has us torqued up. So you're still our team captain. Cody?"

Evan laughed, causing some to look toward him - if they could find him against the wall in a sea of people. He'd seen a devilish gleam leap instantly into Cody's eyes. When he heard Evan's laugh, Cody turned toward Evan with the gleam converting into a devilish smile. Dave Hernandez also turned toward Evan, but he had no smile on his face as he stared at Evan again. Then Cody turned back to Troy. "O Captain, My Captain," Cody sang out, eliciting an immediate laugh from the throng of students. Troy grinned, but his eyebrows were raised in an unspoken question: 'What deviltry are you up to now?'

Cody continued when the laughter died, "I don't want you to step down as captain. I might not play as well if Garth and you aren't leading us. I do plan revenge for your shutting me out." He wagged his eyebrows challengingly at Troy, to the delight of the students, who laughed and chuckled. "Saxon revenge," he said archly. "Silent, deadly, certain. It will arrive in its own good time. And it will be lethal if we hear anymore talk about your not being our captain." Cody stepped into a hug with Troy, who pulled him against his body tightly. More applause.

Coach Hernandez stepped forward. "Troy, the verdict is in. You're still our co-captain." Loud applause from everyone, especially the team. "After a win like last week's, we're not going to let you off. We want a good game like that very week." Troy groaned. Applause again. Troy was grinning, coloring just a bit. He reached over, grabbing Jim Marbury behind his neck and pulling him into a tight hug. Jim blushed to have affection demonstrated so overtly and publicly toward him, itself a rarity. Evan was certain Jim felt great about it. It was probably the first time it had ever happened.

After the spirit rally, Evan had turned out of the causeway and down the hall that would take him back to the staircase to the second floor. Suddenly, he heard his name barked out: "Halsey, hold up." Evan frowned. He never regarded address by his surname alone as friendly. It always made whoever chose that form of address seem superior, and it easily lent itself to insult. Turning, he saw Dave Hernandez steaming his way.

Noting Evan's pronounced frown, Dave altered his mindset a bit to one of less belligerence. "Did you know that Troy was going to step down as co-captain?"

Evan fixed him coolly with his eyes, sensing that Dave was hot under the collar. "I knew he was going to redress his failings the night of the game, but I didn't know exactly what he intended to do. Why?" he asked with enough attitude to let Dave know he'd better mind his p's and q's in dealing with this issue.

Dave was taken aback. He expected a little guy like Evan to be meek. "Are you trying to lose me key players on my team?"

Evan stared at him levelly, the blue in his eyes growing deeper in color. "MY team? You're being ridiculous. This isn't about you, Dave. This is about a young man who's developing, who's growing into leadership, and in doing so, needs to learn how to handle failure as a leader, for that will happen to any leader from time to time, as I think even you are about to demonstrate here. You are supposed to be teaching him how to learn from failure too. Take some of that vinegar you want to pitch my direction and persuade me that your co- captains and your team aren't stronger for what happened in that spirit rally than they would have been if Troy had done nothing about his failure. Stop and think a minute - and I do expect an answer here since you are in my face about this matter. Feeling as he was at the beginning of the spirit rally, how would Troy have played in the next game?"

Dave was brought up short by the manner of Evan's address. He knew Evan was a respected faculty member, a good friend of Kate Williams, the principal. Maybe he'd better cool off a little.

"Well?" Evan asked again.

After a few more moments, "He'd have held back, passed off the ball more, made sure the team knew he wasn't cutting them out any more."

"Would there have been a cost for that change in his play?"

Dave thought again. Damn! He hated it that an English teacher was ahead of him. "He'd have avoided good shots, maybe key shots - anything to get the ball to some other player. . . . He'd have favored Cody most. That would be okay if Cody was hot at the basket that night. . . .But even if he were a hot shooter, too many shots might end his run. If he was having a cold night, it would have been disastrous. . . . Eventually, Cody might have thought Troy was setting him up to look bad, look like a failure. . . . The other players would have wondered what was up with Troy, why he wasn't leading them. We probably wouldn't have built any momentum because the power that grows between Cody and Troy wouldn't have been there."

Evan waited a beat. "But that won't have to happen now. Surely you aren't so mired in your own concerns that you couldn't see the guys drawing together, becoming a stronger team? They aren't going to play with each other now; they are going to play FOR each other, FOR you, and FOR the school. A real community-builder! So what have you got to complain about?" Evan was glaring at Dave.

Neither of them saw Kate Williams, who'd stopped to chat with Rose Harris, a math teacher, at the same time reading Evan's and Dave's body language. 'Hm- m-m-m-m,' she thought. 'Evan and Dave are having a dust-up. I can guess what that's about.'

Dave opened his mouth to speak, but what could he say? Evan was right, making the put-down he'd planned when he approached Evan moot. He shut his mouth, swallowing, thinking. He had allowed only the threat, not the significance, of Troy's scene at the rally to play out in his mind. He had been hung up on his shock over Troy's stepping down as co-captain.

Before Evan turned away, he added, "Don't challenge me like this again, Dave. I've always liked and respected you, but that will end next time. In the future, when we discuss a student, I don't want to hear about you first. I want to hear about the student. Didn't you listen to what Troy said? It's not about you; it's about them. When it gets to be all about you, you begin to be useless."

"And if you're as smart as people credit you, you'll start figuring out how you can support Troy and how you can help the team capitalize on this new commitment they have to something larger than themselves. And since you're a good coach, you'll figure out the skill-building that will be necessary as they move toward being a more cohesive unit." Then he turned his back to leave, his head down, and walked down the hall, turning to go to the staircase, leaving Dave Hernandez studying his back with a lot to think about.

As Joe Walters drove home from his office, he was daydreaming about seeing Kenny and Jeremy at the long-anticipated family dinner that evening - with a smile he just couldn't chase off his face. Kenny was coming to a family powwow. He was happy it was occurring for many reasons. Once Kenny entered high school and then later became involved with Jeremy and popular with a lot more students, he frequented the Walters home less and less. They missed Kenny!

Now the smile faded as he realized Rachel and he had reached that difficult period of "growing up" - they would have to start letting go of Kenny. It was one of the hardest tasks a parent faced; it took courage and strength to allow one's children their wings. Parents couldn't escape the feeling that when they let go, they were letting go of the giving and receiving of love. They still needed that love from those younger, magical versions of themselves, and they couldn't imagine how they could survive without its being there as constantly as it always had. They needed to be able to offer their love to their children, but all they could feel was increasing distance. He knew Rachel and he were fighting it - the letting go. Perhaps Kenny was silently resisting their hanging on by not being at home as often.

Joe knew that the boys' distance was Rachel and his fault. Certainly not Jeremy's. Increasingly after their Thanksgiving together, Jeremy acted as though he were an outsider when he was around them. He didn't talk much, smiled quietly, held back a lot, constantly followed Kenny's lead. Even worse, Jeremy rarely initiated a conversation with Rachel or him anymore, and he was formal to a fault. They were the cause of that. He knew Jeremy was sensing less than full acceptance of the boys' relationship, probably thinking that Rachel and he blamed Jeremy in some way. Joe had hoped that would change in time, but he hadn't noted any progress.

Although he wasn't interested in pointing blame, Rachel was the barrier to the harmony everyone wanted. At least she finally realized where the problem lay for the boys. That visit with Evan Halsey at Jeremy's reception had something to do with it. He knew both boys picked up on Rachel's difficulty in accepting them as sexual, not to mention, romantic partners. Ordinarily, he'd have discussed it with Rachel, but some sixth sense led him to understand that it was wiser to allow her to accommodate to the fellas at her own speed rather than pushing the issue so that it became a crisis that would haunt all of them.

Joe had no problems with his son's being gay or even having a gay lover. Joe had fooled around a little with other guys growing up in high school and a few times in college. He knew he wasn't gay, but he never thought gay people were blocked from experiencing romance, passion, lust, or any of those other relationship enhancers. He had no moral or religious reservations about gay people. In fact, he found it difficult to imagine that anyone else could although he never said as much.

He wasn't certain what Rachel's hang-up was about Kenny and Jeremy. He'd stopped himself at least four times from asking her, realizing that the opportunity would come in its own good time. It hadn't been easy. He had loved his son ever since he was born, the reason he missed seeing him now. It never bothered him that Kenny was smaller than most kids. That he was quiet and shy. That he was artistic. Joe always went out of his way to let Kenny know all those years that he loved him unconditionally. Actually, Kenny was a looker. Joe noticed others - both men and women - giving Kenny a second glance. Jeremy was a hunk too. Rachel and he were lucky in many ways. 'So why can't we make this work for everyone,' he thought as his car shot into the garage.

He alighted from the car, entering the kitchen from the laundry room, which connected to the garage. Rachel was bustling about a kitchen replete with scents of Italian cuisine. He walked over to her, kissing her on the cheek. She looked up, smiling at him, giving him an opportunity to lean in for a warmer, gentler kiss. Romantically, Rachel was a delight. She never failed to turn him on. He could bone up so quickly over her that he felt like a teenager sometimes. He lightly ran his tongue just along her lips. When they broke the kiss, she looked at him as though to ask, "What are you up to? We're having the boys here for dinner, you know."

"Joe, help me decide. Should we dine formally or informally?"

"Formally?" he asked, making a face. "I thought we wanted them to feel relaxed so that they could open up to us. Save the china, crystal, and silver for Thanksgiving. Let's be relaxed this evening."

"Okay. That's better with lasagna anyway. You know how Kenny loves my lasagna. We'll eat at the round game table in the family room. You're right - it'll be cozier. Why don't you light a fire?"

"After I change my clothes."

"I thought about inviting Jeremy's dad to join us this evening, but then I decided that we needed just immediate family at this dinner. What do you think?" she asked Joe.

"You probably are a little more sensitive to Evan, for you've talked to him more. The day of the adoption hearing is the first time I ever laid eyes on him. But I agree with you. This will be a family discussion, so we need for just the four of us to be in on it. Maybe we can have Evan over this Thanksgiving. After I found out he spent it alone, I felt guilty. Here we were insisting that Jeremy and Kenny spend the entire holiday with us, taking Jeremy and his dad from each other and leaving Evan alone."

"I guess I thought he'd have made plans to be with family. But now I'm thinking that he's a loner. I wonder if he has any family members close by. I should ask Jeremy about that. No, maybe Kenny would be better to ask. I wouldn't want Jeremy to think I was being critical," here sensitivity itself a measure of how much distance there still was among them.

Before they could continue the conversation, they heard Kenny entering the front door. He dropped his book bag on the stairs and walked into the kitchen. "Lasagna, I bet! Thanks, Mom. It smells so good in here," Kenny said as he delivered a peck on his mother's cheek. He walked over to Joe, hugging him. "Hi, Dad."

Joe hugged Kenny back - tightly. Kenny pulled back, looking at his dad, a degree of surprise written on his face. Joe winked at him, winning a smile from Kenny. "Where's Jeremy?"

"He had to drop something off at his home. He'll be here in a sec." Joe and Rachel filled the time quizzing Kenny about events at school and about his friends, whom they'd met at Jeremy's hearing and reception. Joe asked Kenny to help him light a fire in the family room. "We're eating in there? Neat."

Joe and Kenny hadn't much more than finished when the doorbell rang. Kenny shot out to the front hall, opening the door to Jeremy. He threw himself into Jeremy's arms as soon as the door was closed, and he claimed a kiss from Jeremy. It started out reserved on Jeremy's part, but warmed up considerably when Kenny reached between them and squeezed Jeremy's hardening dick. "Hey, you little cock hound, don't get me horned up in front of your folks. You know your mom wouldn't approve."

Kenny took Jeremy's coat and hung it in the coat closet. He put an arm around Jeremy's waist, so Jeremy placed an arm around Jeremy's shoulders as they strolled into the kitchen.

When Rachel saw Jeremy, she greeted him warmly. He smiled, greeting her as "Mrs. Walters." 'I wonder if we're ever going to get past that,' Joe mused. Jeremy held his hand out to Joe, greeting him as "Mr. Walters." But Joe grabbed that hand and pulled Jeremy into a tight hug just like the one he'd given Kenny. "Welcome, Jeremy. We're looking forward to this evening." Jeremy's eyes grew a little bigger, whether in surprise or disbelief Joe couldn't tell.

Rachel shooed Joe and Jeremy into the family room, asking Kenny to help carry the food to the table. They seated themselves and began passing lasagna, a tossed salad, a steamed vegetable mix, and garlic bread around. Kenny didn't waste any time. "So what's this family meeting about?"

"Jeremy's father suggested it," Rachel answered, "at your reception, Jeremy. I observed to him that we weren't seeing much of you guys these days. If you weren't here, I thought you were over at your home, but Evan told me that he didn't see all that much of you either."

"Mom," Kenny said, slight exasperation creeping into his voice. "We're in high school. We're out with our friends most of the time. That's where we want to be."

"Okay. I'm not arguing, but don't you see plenty of them at school?"

Kenny frowned. "We're in class, not hanging out. That's not the same as being with your friends."

Not to be outdone by her son, Rachel moved right to the point: "Jeremy, did we send a message to you boys at Thanksgiving when we didn't put you in the same bedroom that we disapproved of your sleeping together?"

Jeremy gulped before answering. Boy, they were getting down to the nitty gritty right off the bat. He remembered Evan's warning to give Joe and Rachel the gift of his honesty. "Yes, Ma'am."

"So why did you do that?" Kenny asked Rachel, then Joe.

"I have to answer that in two parts," Rachel started. "It happened so quickly. Suddenly you were telling us you were gay. Then before we could adjust to that, you were telling us you had a boyfriend. That's a lot, you know. That's the first part." She looked at Jeremy, who was not smiling. In fact, he looked almost sullen. Why?

"Kenny, I don't know if the word 'gay' existed when I was growing up, but the word 'homosexual' was never mentioned in my parents' home. So I had no background, good or bad, out of which to shape a response. Until that night, I was engaged in standard parental thinking, wondering what your wife would look like and what my grandchildren would look like. The second part is that I wanted you to be certain. I knew you boys had expressed your feelings physically. But I also know how beguiling sex can be. Look at this man over here," she smiled at Joe. "He can take your breath away." Joe reached out to grasp her hand. She held his gaze for a moment. Then she turned to Kenny, whose eyes were shining over his parents' love and commitment to each other. "I wanted you to be certain in your heart, not in your pants. I also wanted you never to experience a broken heart because of rejection."

"Well, Mom, you're too late with that wish. I've already been there," Kenny responded unemotionally.

Rachel looked startled. Joe's brow furrowed as they both stared at Kenny. "What do you mean? I thought Jeremy was your first boyfriend."

"No, he wasn't. My first boyfriend fell in love with a girl, so he dumped me. We had a fight in the school parking lot at noon. I ran off from school and got drunk." Rachel's mouth opened to emit a little gasp. Joe frowned.

"Where were we?"

"On that business trip to Denver. Jeremy and Troy rescued me from a sleazy bar and took me to Evan's. Evan and Jeremy made me stay with them. I really didn't have much to say about it that night because I was passed out cold. But I'm glad they cared enough to keep me with them. I didn't know it then," Kenny said, reaching over and taking Jeremy's hand, "but this hunk had been wanting me all along." He looked first Rachel and then Joe in the eye. "I've never regretted giving my heart to this man. He's stood by me all the time. He's loved me without ceasing. He makes me happy. He excites me more than any man I know. He pulls noble feelings, thoughts, and gestures out of me. I gave myself to him. I'm his now. Since we became involved, I have more love, friends, and more fun than I would have had if he hadn't come along."

A slow smile formed on Joe's face. He reached over and gently punched Jeremy on the arm, earning a chuckle from the young stud, who shyly ducked his head. Joe held his hand out to Kenny, who shook it grinning big time. Rachel just looked back and forth among them all.

"But Kenny, why would you do that - get drunk and go to a trashy bar?" Rachel asked, confused.

Kenny's brow furrowed. "He dumped me, Mom! He spurned me! I went there to get some quick male sex to persuade me I was still good, still desirable, still wanted."

Rachel frowned. "But what you had with your first boyfriend was just sex, Kenny, and just a boyhood crush."

Jeremy and Joe frowned. Kenny's face set: "It was not just sex, Mom," Kenny replied with some heat. Rachel was startled. She didn't remember a time when she had offended Kenny.

"But at your age, you couldn't know what love is!"

"Why couldn't I? I know that, when you're young, you can fall into love faster. It may not be deep love, tested or stable love like that Dad and you have, but it's what we are capable of knowing and experiencing as love. Being different in degree doesn't mean it's different in kind." Kenny looked startled. "I can't believe it," he said to Jeremy: "I'm beginning to sound like Evan." Jeremy snickered while Joe smiled.

Rachel studied Kenny and then Jeremy. "Do you boys know the difference between love and sex?"

Kenny's smile faded. He could see this wasn't going to be easy. He almost wanted to tell his mother to forget it and give himself over to silence. But he knew it was too early to quit. "Yes. I could name about 25 ways. Why do I have to? Did you have a conversation like this with your parents when you told them you loved Joe Walters?"

Rachel's head shook a bit in the face of Kenny's challenge. This discussion was heading in directions she never expected. "No, now that I think of it, we didn't. But I wasn't a high school junior either. We were in college."

"So what?" Kenny shot back. "It was a different time with a different pace. This is now. We have to deal with issues and stresses in our lives that never occurred in yours. We all live life faster. Was your mother a career woman like you when you told them about Dad?"

"No," she admitted. "She wasn't." Rachel studied Kenny for a few minutes. Then she glanced at Jeremy, whose face was stony, then at Joe, whose face had concern written all over it.

"Is that why you kept Jeremy and me from having sex here, kept breaking in on us when we wanted to be alone, kept expecting us to be with Dad and you when we were here - you thought all we wanted to do was get it on?"

Rachel's eyebrows rose. "Well . . . yes, I guess it was. As I told you, I wanted you to be certain."

"Don't you mean that you hoped you could slow things down long enough for me to come to my senses and become interested in some woman?"

Rachel squirmed in her seat. She'd been found out. "I did feel that way then. I don't feel or think that way now. Somehow in talking to Evan about it, I just became more comfortable with it. Perhaps it was seeing his open manner in addressing my concerns. He even seemed mildly surprised that anyone could have a problem with the things concerning me."

They all sat, listening to the wood in the fireplace crackle and hiss. Kenny was betraying no feelings. Jeremy was stony. Joe knew he had to turn this discussion in a positive direction. Turning to Jeremy, he began calmly, "Jeremy, I don't want to put you on the spot, and I want you to understand that I'm not asking you to defend yourself or justify your feelings for Kenny. Please tell us what Kenny means to you. I think it would bring clarity to this discussion."

Jeremy looked up at him. As he looked at Rachel, a light began to grow in his eyes. The moment he glanced at Kenny, a smile started moving across his face. "Kenny - Kenny is a delight in my life. At a time when my life was falling apart, when I was feeling desperate, he gave me a sketch he'd made of me. When I looked at it, I realized this man had looked right inside me, into my soul, and was showing me what he found of value there. He wouldn't let me clam up. He kept pushing me to visit with him. He pushed me to agree to go out with him to a movie. I knew he was involved with someone else, so I realized he wasn't just hitting on me. He really liked what he saw in me. He liked me. He wanted to spend time with me. It was like a life preserver thrown to a drowning man. In the matter of, say, a week, I wanted him. I needed him. But I wouldn't repay his kindness by messing up what he had with his boyfriend." Jeremy leaned over and kissed Kenny gently. Kenny raised his hand, caressing Jeremy's cheek.

"Mom, how do you feel when your hand grazes across the whiskers on Dad's cheek?"

Again, Rachel was startled. She looked at Joe, whose eyebrow was cocked up in question. He'd never heard Rachel talk about this. He was interested in the answer. Still staring at Joe, Rachel shivered slightly. "I know I'm with a man, a man who can turn me molten inside. It can start with those bristly whiskers. I think that's what loving a man is like - starting with the rough but discovering the smooth. Somehow . . . somehow his whiskers hint of his power, not just his physical strength, although he has plenty of that. But the power of his personality, his mind, but most of all his heart. It makes my heart race to know that he is wrapping this power around me. That he gave it to me when he gave me his love and when we married. It doesn't stop there," she smiled, "but it might be embarrassing if I say more."

"Oh, Mom," Kenny pretended a whine, "it was just getting hot. Go on!"

They all laughed. Joe leaned over and kissed her warmly, slowly. "I never knew," he said softly.

"Really?" she asked. "I guess I never told you. Imagine. I wonder what else I feel about you that I've never shared with you."

"Mom," Kenny said, "Look at me." Rachel slowly turned her head to look at Kenny. "That is exactly what I feel when my hand caresses Jeremy's cheek." Here, Kenny again raised his hand to caress Jeremy's cheek. Jeremy turned his head slightly, kissing the palm of Kenny's hand while he held him in his eyes.

Rachel studied Kenny. "When Jeremy runs his hands down your back and across your . . . tush, do you shiver to the deepest core of your being?" Rachel asked, glancing at Jeremy, who was looking at her from just under his lowered eyelids.

"Yes."

Rachel thought a bit. "When he's lying on top of you, his weight resting fully upon you, do you feel as though nothing in the world could harm you?"

"Yes," Kenny said softly but insistently, indicating that she was catching on. "And when Dad's inside you and bringing you both to the ultimate pinnacle of love-making, don't you merge with him, floating into some other dimension?"

"Yes," she breathed softly. "What I feel for your father, you feel for Jeremy?" she stated in wonderment.

"Yes," Kenny said gently.

"And that's what he makes me feel when he's on top of me and inside me," Jeremy added.

Joe cleared his throat. "We thought you were dominant, Jeremy. Are you saying Kenny is?"

The two guys looked at each other, amused. "Most of the time I'm dominant," Jeremy responded, "but we switch stances when we need to. It keeps balance in our relationship and ensures that all our needs in regard to each other are met. But you've both seen a dominant side in Kenny's personality emerge and grow. He's becoming a leader too because his goodness," here Jeremy paused, "and his cuteness, his strength have earned him respect."

"Now do you understand that even though we're still in high school, we can still love each other?" Kenny asked. "Is that feeling Dad's whiskers gives you merely lust or is it love?"

She looked to Joe, then Kenny, then Jeremy. "It's love."

"Then why can't it be love for me too?" Kenny asked.

"Now why couldn't I have thought of that?" Rachel exclaimed. "I can see why you boys," she paused a moment, "-men - would go someplace else if you couldn't express your love freely when you are here. I'm sorry, Kenny. Jeremy. Can you forgive me?"

Kenny arose and walked around to his mother. He leaned down, hugging her in her chair, kissing her on the cheek. "No forgiving necessary. Just happiness, Mom. Now I know that you and I feel the same way about our men. It makes me feel closer to you."

Rachel had placed her hand on one of Kenny's arms. She squeezed it as he arose, returning to his chair. She grinned mischievously. "Joe, would you bring some more garlic bread from the kitchen, please?" Joe looked around the table, demonstrating a little panic.

"I can't just now. In a minute," he replied. Kenny shot a look at Jeremy, and they both stifled a laugh. When Rachel saw it, she started laughing aloud. Then the boys joined her. Joe blushed but smiled. "I'll get you for that," he told Rachel.

"I can't wait she replied. I hope you get me good!"

"If you keep talking like that, I won't be able to stand up at all!" he warned, sending all of them into peals of laughter.

"Okay, men," Joe spoke, "you are welcome to be here anytime you want anywhere you want. Rachel and I welcome your just being here in our home with us, but when you wish our company, we welcome that too. >From now on your room, Kenny, is yours and Jeremy's. If you don't want to be interrupted, shut the door. We shall not burst in, and we shall respect your privacy. We won't even make you tie a towel around the doorknob." They all laughed at the classic college dormitory signal that woo was being pitched inside, so no one was to disturb the inhabitants of the room. "Jeremy, this is your home too. I hope from now on that you'll call us 'Mom' and 'Dad.' As at Evan's, Jeremy can sleep with you here anytime he wishes. And Jeremy, we don't want to take you away from Evan, either. We regret that we did that at Thanksgiving. From now on, we want to try to include Evan as a member of this family since you are as well. Right?" he looked at Rachel.

"Right," she said enthusiastically.

Realizing that the iron was hot, Kenny struck. "So let's talk about college, Dad."

Rachel's laughter bubbled up loud and robust. The tables had been turned. "It's your turn to sit in the hot seat, dear," she said to Joe.

"Well, after this discussion, I know when to fold my hand," Joe smilingly capitulated. "You guys can go to the state university together.

"Yeah, Dad!" Kenny shouted, flying around the table to hug his dad from behind. Then he hugged his mother again, and then gave Jeremy a hug and a big kiss.

"We probably need to think about another family dinner, including Evan this time," Joe commented, looking up and rubbing his chin. "It will be time to make plans soon. I don't know if you guys intend to live in the dorm or an apartment, but I've got a friend there who owns rental property. I might sound him out about what he would suggest. Maybe he'd cut you a good deal." The group immediately began to break into dual conversations.

(To be continued.)

Thank you for the e-mails, gently reminding me about how long it's been since a chapter was posted. I've been on the road and in the air again. Though many have assumed that I was on vacation, this travel is all work and business related. If I'd had a vacation, I'd have stayed home. I'd have written faster too, had that been the case.