The following fictional story deals with sex among males. If you are offended by such material, are too young, or reside in an area where it is not allowed, depart. Though not observed in this story, care enough about yourself and humankind to practice safe sex.
The author retains all rights. No reproductions or links to other sites are allowed without the author's consent.
EBradley33@Excite.com
Chapter 16 Revelations
I awoke alone. Tim had gone home to change clothes before going to school. Jeremy had eaten breakfast and headed off to school. I must have been really worn out if their departures didn't awaken me.
I lay there, trying not to recognize misgivings lurking in the back of my mind, distant murmurs predicting what I didn't want to consider. A lot of unsettled stuff. I wondered how much my not being back in the classroom was contributing to being ill at ease. I certainly wasn't feeling productive. After a little breakfast and a bath, I decided stirring my bones would pick up the tenor of the day, so a walk outside seemed in order. I don't know how many blocks I ranged over before turning around to go back home.
Once there, soup and a sandwich seemed a good idea. I sat in the kitchen eating lunch, but the silence was getting to me. As soon as I completed the meal, I moved into the sunroom where I listened to Mendelssohn's oratorio "Elijah." For reasons I could not fathom (and resisted examining closely, for I wanted to maintain the work's magic), the varied harmonies and rhythms always managed to center me if I felt I had drifted or been knocked off the mark. I sank into the music, allowing the arias and choruses to carry me along, knowing them so well that I could anticipate favorite passages, humming, singing, even conducting here and there.
It didn't register at first. But I quickly made out a pounding on the front door. I could imagine an alarmed motorist wanting to use the phone to call 911 about an accident down the street. I glanced out the little glass circle in the door. Robert again. My heart sank. My fears were going to be fulfilled.
As soon as I opened the door, Robert shot in, trying to speak above the beautiful soprano aria "Hear Ye, Israel." I pointed to the sunroom. He walked in, sprawling on the couch again while I shut off the CD player. His eyes were red; he'd been crying. "You spoke to Kenny?"
"A little bit ago at school." He scooted forward, elbows on knees, head in hands. I sat in my usual chair and waited for him to begin.
"I met Kenny in the parking lot at lunch. I told him that we had to talk, that something had happened that I'd never expected, that I'd met a girl and fallen in love with her."
[The spit-it-right-out approach, I thought. The tension was killing him; he had to relieve it. He didn't think how that approach was tantamount to a gut-blow to Kenny.]
Robert continued, "Kenny's eyes got big. Even before I finished, he started shaking his head no. I could see the tears filling his eyes. He turned and ran away from me. My long legs made it easy to catch him. I spun him around. He shouted that he hated me and punched me in the jaw. I couldn't stop my reflexes. I hit him back hard. He dropped like a rock." Robert's eyes darted around the room.
"Evan, I knocked him out," his voice tightening. Then he gulped. "When he came to, he looked at me, rolled on his side and threw up. I started apologizing, telling him I hadn't expected him to hit me, so I had just swung automatically. There was no life in his eyes. He slowly got up, teetered around, stumbled, fell to his knees. I tried to help him. He pushed my hands away. He got back up and started walking off. I stepped forward, putting my hand on his shoulder, saying we had to talk this through. He wouldn't look at me. He just shrugged my hands off and walked away with his head hanging down. He got in his car and screeched off."
Robert arose, pacing around the room. "It was worse than I ever expected, Evan. I thought Kenny'd cry a little, I'd tell him what you said, and we could reach an understanding. I never intended to hit him. I'm sick about it. I don't want to be with anyone now, not even Lisa." He clearly was upset with himself. Silence persisted.
"Robert, I am going to speak frankly: you are being obtuse on this point, and it is most unbecoming to you. When a situation is threatening or uncomfortable for you, you insist on underestimating the reactions of others. Then you are bewildered when you encounter the very reaction you have intelligence enough to have anticipated all along. . . . If this event had unfolded as you wished, it could only have done so because your relationship with Kenny was superficial. Even I could see and hear that that was not the case. You two fed each other. . . . Can you tell me why you behave in that manner?"
He had colored, not expecting me to be so blunt. He just shook his head in the negative.
"You are guarding yourself. Get over that. If you have created a bad situation, stand up tall, admit it, take it like a man. Quit this self-serving dodging game. It's beneath you. You are strong enough to look a problem in the eye, especially if you are the author of that problem. A real man does not protect himself at the expense of others, particularly those he cares about. Until you embrace this strong posture, you will never be a successful leader. I won't even regard you a man, certainly not my equal.
Pause. "You are human. You WILL make mistakes. Only people with weak self-images find themselves threatened by admitting 'I made a mistake. I'm sorry.' If you cause someone hurt undeservedly, then you hurt with him." More silence-he needed to soak in what I had just told him. He shuffled his feet a little.
"I'm sorry."
"Robert, you have done nothing to me requiring an apology. To whom is the apology owed?"
Softly, "Kenny." He continued pacing the room.
Silence. "Why did he throw up, Evan?"
"Why do you think?"
"He shouldn't have thrown up from my hitting him. Was it because of what I said?"
"Come on, Robert. You weren't born yesterday. You're intelligent. You know the answer to your own question."
"His stomach couldn't stand the news about Lisa and me?"
I said nothing; he didn't want to believe his answer was accurate.
"How can something be so bad that it makes you throw up?"
"Pray that you never find out. When bad news runs to the center of one's being, one's identity, causing destruction, the body rebels. . . . Robert, the pain you are feeling now doesn't begin to match what Kenny is feeling. You know that, don't you? He's empty, lost, hurting. The light in his life just dumped him."
He looked at me dumbly.
"As painful as this is for you, Robert, you need this reality fix. Though you are capable of it, you insist on not seeing this situation from Kenny's point of view. You have Lisa to take Kenny's place. He has no one to take your place. May we try something?"
"I guess."
"I want you to close your eyes." He did so. "Now see Kenny in your mind's eye." Pause. "See him as he looked at you that night you were first together." Pause. "See him looking at you after the best sex you ever had." Pause. "See him at your most fun time together." Pause. "See him as he looked at you in his most worshipful way." Pause. "Now move into those eyes." Pause. "Try very hard to become Kenny." Much longer pause. "Now feel Robert holding you, protecting you, loving you." He strangled himself on a sob.
"I've hurt Kenny so much. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to," he said in anguish. He walked over to me and dropped in my lap. I held him while he wept. After awhile he pulled away.
"I'm such a shit. I kept telling myself, convincing myself it wouldn't be as bad as I feared. I guess by doing that, I made it worse, huh?"
"Once again, you have provided an accurate answer to your own question. Notice, Robert, that you usually know the correct answer. You just won't take delivery on it. You have the gift of knowing the answer, but you reject it. What a blunder! That's like Apollo's curse on Cassandra when she spurned his advances-he gave her the gift of prophecy but cursed her by making everyone disbelieve her prophecies. You know the answer but won't believe it. In this instance, you are casting the curse on yourself."
"What can I do to help Kenny?"
"Have you been praying for him as I suggested?"
"No. I guess I didn't think you were really serious. People don't talk about praying any more."
"Look, kid, Mistake Number One: I don't mess around. If I say it, I'm serious. Unless I'm teasing or joking, don't you ever doubt what I tell you again. If you don't like what I suggest, then don't come around any more. I have neither time nor patience for weaklings and wimps."
"Mistake Number Two: since when did you allow 'people' to set your standards? That just makes you mediocre, for you are allowing yourself to be determined by the lowest common denominator. Damn, Robert! I thought you were strong. I thought you stood for something."
"I didn't mean to make you mad."
"It ISN'T about what I am or am not. It's about YOU and what you are refusing to be."
He arose and walked slowly around the room, doing my "mental circuits." I allowed the silence to endure. He had some serious thinking to do.
"You're right. I'm worried about getting out of this situation with the least mess and pain possible."
"That attitude represents moral housekeeping gone bad. Which means you are really thinking about whom?"
"Me."
"Robert, learn a lesson. Life is imbalanced, chaotic, messy, unpredictable. All those states are natural. You CAN'T avoid them."
"Please believe me when I say that I really do care for Kenny."
"Don't tell me; show me. . . . Do you understand why he finds it difficult to be in your company."
He shook his head no, bewildered. "We meant so much to each other."
"You have dismissed him from the only place he knew in your life. The first night he was with you, he gave himself to you, gave you his virginity. As you have admitted previously, it was merely a trophy to you, but it was much more than that for him, a fact you missed or have decided to ignore. Your taking him ended his hunger for self-respect, for belonging, for being loved. That's how he defined himself in reference to you: in his eyes, he became your lover. Now that you have closed that down, you cannot help him. He needs to find a different footing in reference to you-assuming that he wants a relationship with you in the future."
"I never knew it could be this hard."
"That's because you've led a charmed existence: you've never had life be that hard. Anyone ever dump you?"
His eyes shifted to me and away furtively. "No."
"There are people out there, Robert, who feel every day the way you feel now-and worse. And that feeling persists day after day. You just took your privileged position for granted. You will no longer do that, I think. And you will be the better for it." I paused so that he could consider the landscape I was presenting.
"You show much promise as a leader, Robert. But you could never have been a strong leader without learning what you have on this occasion. Look for those people who are hurting like Kenny. They're all around you. You don't have to be the Pied Piper, leading them off to a protected place. Instead, give them a smile. Say hello. Go out of your way for them a little. Chat them up occasionally. Give them a kind word. Cheer them on a little when it's appropriate. The more you don't want to respond to them, the more you need to if you are going to overcome this handicap. Before long you will recognize what brightness you are bringing to their lives. On most days these simple gestures are the greatest gifts we can confer on humankind, for they are validating, affirming. Even when you have extended a simple gesture, you won't know how much you are doing for them deep down, but the healing can begin just that simply."
"I want to heal Kenny. I owe it to him."
"Yes, you do, and I appreciate your desire to help him. But you are not the one to heal Kenny, Robert."
He looked at me for a moment, clearly thinking about what I had just said. "I guess that's my punishment for putting him out of my life, huh?"
"A better expression than 'punishment' would be 'cost.' But I hope you know that somewhere on down the line, when he recovers his self-esteem, he may be open to a friendship with you. It would be quite foolish to close the door on such a possibility. At that point, he may need you differently but just as much as in the past. The special healing you can effect in him will occur then."
"Do you think that will happen this year?"
"I haven't the foggiest notion. It's really up to Kenny, determined by the speed with which he recovers. The speed of his recovery will be governed by the way he perceives himself in relation to this situation and what he decides to do about it."
"Don't you think he'll recover?"
"Robert, I don't know. I've seen situations like this resolve themselves happily and unhappily. I won't gild the lily for you: some people never recover, remaining bitter, cynical, unable to trust and therefore unable to sustain a relationship. Forever after they are stunted in their development. I hope, given Kenny's strengths, that that won't happen with him, or won't persist for long if it does. A positive outcome to Kenny's struggle is something you might request of Providence. But until then, you have to give him time and space. You need to devote your energy to building a relationship with Lisa. Otherwise, damage will have been done for nothing. That would be hard for everyone to take."
"Let's get you on the right track, Robert. I'm going to give you an assignment." He looked at me doubtfully. "For the next four days, I want you to single out a person who looks dead, beaten down, alienated. I want you to perform one of those actions I mentioned. Just one person the first day. Two the second day. Three the third day and four the fourth day. They don't have to be different people each day. You can have some repeaters. But with the repeaters, look for a difference, a change in their demeanor, especially in their eyes. Then see me on the fifth day to report what you have observed. If you fail to let me know, I'll come to school looking for you. I'll be standing right outside whatever classroom you are occupying, waiting for the period to end. Don't make me do that." I know the steel was back in my blues.
"Okay. . . . Evan, what's going to become of Kenny?"
I could read genuine concern in his face. "In your mind's eye, see Kenny. Tell me when you have formed that image."
"Okay."
"What's he doing?
"Bending over a sketch pad."
"Now add ten years of experience and maturation to him."
Pause. "Okay."
"Now he looks up, gazes in your eyes. What do you see?" I asked. As I studied him, I could tell Robert was not looking at me; he was looking down time at Kenny.
"He's a handsome guy. A warm smile. Still short, still slim. Still has a cute little ass," he smiled. "His personality is warm; he's at ease with himself." Then the smile faded.
"Back in his eyes . . . I see hurt."
"Due to what?"
Robert's eyes shifted to me as they began to glitter with tears. "You know-loss of his first love."
"Is the hurt a good or a bad thing?"
"I don't know. What do you think?"
"It all depends on how Kenny chooses to face it. It could be a wound, filling him with rancor. But it could also be a well from which springs concern, love, compassion that he bestows on others."
"I want so much for him to be happy, Evan."
"I believe you, Robert. But Kenny has to work through a lot now. Figuratively speaking, he's flat on his back with the wind knocked out of him. Watch. Wait. You'll know when to re-establish contact.
"Soon, do you think?"
"I don't really know. There are too many variables in the mix to predict. . . . . Settle a question for me: if you knew back when you and Kenny became involved what you know now, would you have proceeded into a relationship with him?"
Robert was thinking hard, weighing factors. I saw a little light spring to his eyes. "Yes, but I would have prepared him for our parting so he wouldn't have been hurt so much. Well-not hurt anymore than necessary."
"What is your reasoning?"
"Selfishly?" he asked. "Kenny helped me finalize a sense of myself. [Ah, I was hearing the man speak now.] He pulled me out of myself, gave me depth, gave me real love and adoration. I felt great about myself, my world."
Robert paused. "But I gave him love too. Confidence. I pulled him out of himself. I gave him depth too. I brought him closer to his manhood. I helped him assume more control. I taught him how to make love." Robert paused. "If he doesn't hate me, or hate me too long, these will come back to him. He may even admit that he advanced with my help. That's good," he spoke hopefully. "But I also see now why you were angry at me. If Kenny did all that for me, I am a shit for thinking everything could be smoothed over as though none of that were significant."
Silence ensued. Robert had accommodated himself to the extent that time and circumstance allowed at the present. It was good for him. I wished I could say Kenny was moving toward recovery.
Robert arose, as did I, and we began moving to the front door. Upon reaching it, he wheeled about, caught me in his arms, and pulled me tightly to him. "How stupid of me to resent Kenny's wanting to bring you into the Pride," he spoke softly down to me. "You have given me so much, Evan. Someone else might have trashed me for what I did to Kenny, but I realize you care as much about me as you do about Kenny. I hope I have given you gifts too?" he said as he pushed his body back, looking into my eyes.
I smiled. "A treasure chest full, Robert." Pause. "Please don't drop me."
He chuckled. "I've done some dumb things in my time, but I'm not THAT dumb. I hope we can turn to each other when we heed help."
"Of course."
"No, Evan. NO polite answer. I'll be waiting for that day when I can help you. It's a gift I know you'll give me. That and news about how Kenny is doing." He leaned down and kissed me gently, sweetly. Then he walked out the door, closing it behind him.
I returned to the sunroom, sitting in silence, worrying about Kenny. He wouldn't return to school today. Where would he go? If I knew, I'd go looking for him. But Jeremy had driven my car to school. I sat absorbed in thought. Kenny was such a sweet kid. If he survived without being warped by it, this experience would teach him something-I couldn't imagine what at the moment. But he'd grow up to be a great guy.
It was only when I heard the front door opening to admit Jeremy and Troy that I realized that I had been sitting there thinking about Kenny for at least a half hour. Jeremy and Troy were chatting away. They turned down the hallway to Jeremy's room, where their voices became murmurs.
Jeremy was taking to his room like an animal to his autumn den, which delighted me. It was always neat as a pin, neater than mine since the accident. I wondered what it felt like for him to be able to take a friend home to his room.
I anticipated Friday evening programming for teens, so I hopped up, going to my bedroom and raiding my stash of cash. After I returned to the sunroom, Jeremy and Troy stuck their heads in. "Troy, the guys and I are going to hit a burger joint and catch a movie. I won't be too late." He came over and hugged me. I slipped the bills in his pocket. He just smiled: "Thank you."
"Do you have your key?" I asked.
"Yes, Dad."
"Hey, guys, keep an eye out for Kenny tonight, okay? If you see Susan, would you ask her too?"
They glanced at each other and then looked at me. "I guess Robert told him about Lisa?" Jeremy asked.
"Yes. Kenny didn't take it well. I am worried about him. I pray he doesn't think a rash response is the answer to his dilemma."
"What should we do if we see him?" Troy asked.
"He feels like he's tottering on the edge of the world. Pull him back. . . . He'll be feeling that he has nothing important left. Convince him that he has two friends who care very much about him, who should be important to him, and to whom he is important. If your plans and the crew with whom you are keeping company allow it, include Kenny. Then see that he gets home okay. He's going to need us these next few weeks."
"Don't worry, Evan. We'll watch for him. We care for him too," Jeremy promised.
"What are you going to do," Troy asked.
"Read my mystery."
"Tim isn't coming over?" asked Troy.
I could feel myself blushing. Now why was I doing that? "Not that I know of."
I saw Jeremy and Troy steal another glance at each other. Did they know something? I wouldn't put them in a tight spot by asking, no matter how much I wanted to do so.
They both waved goodbye as they moved to and out the front door. When it closed, I stood there, processing the scene just enacted. "Troy, the guys and I . . . ," Jeremy had said. The guys? Who? Troy's jock buddies, I guess. Hmmmmmmm. ..........
I had spent the evening devouring chapters in my mystery. I heard the front door open. "Evan!" Jeremy shouted with urgency punctuating my name. I grabbed my crutches, moving out to the living room. There stood Troy, holding an unconscious Kenny in his arms. Kenny looked terrible, his clothes soiled and rumpled, his face pale.
"What happened?" I asked.
"We stopped for a coke after the movies. Some kids told us they'd heard Kenny was drunk at this dive. We thought we ought to check it out. It was a really skuzzy place, Evan. There were these creeps. They'd been buying Kenny drinks. I think they had plans for him," Jeremy explained.
Troy took his turn in relating Kenny's situation. "We acted like Kenny's two best buds. He was about ready to pass out, so we said something like 'Oh, no man. Try to hold it in until we get outside. Don't spew in here.' Then we hustled him outside. We didn't think we ought to take him to his home, so we brought him here,"
Jeremy jumped in, "I want him to stay in my room, Evan. I'll take care of him."
"Okay, you guys go get him out of his clothes and in bed. Put your trashcan on his side of the bed in case he's sick to his stomach in the night. Be certain to put him on his side, not his back."
"Oh," Troy said, "so he won't choke on vomit?"
"Yes," I confirmed his intuition. "When you have Kenny in bed, come out here while we decide what to do." Jeremy led the way down the hall with Troy following behind, still carrying Kenny. I recalled Troy's carrying me like that too. How safe I had felt. Would that I could feel that safe now. I returned to the sunroom.
In about ten minutes the fellas rejoined me. "Look, guys, I'm thinking about his parents. If Kenny doesn't come home, they'll worry."
"No," Jeremy said, "they're out of town this weekend. Kenny told me a couple of days ago about they're leaving."
"Well, let's breathe a sigh of relief about that," I exclaimed. "Kenny's reaction is worse than I expected." I squirmed, sounding just like Robert earlier in the day.
"Why would a little guy like Kenny go to such a rough place?" Troy asked.
I sat looking at them. Jeremy grinned. "Ah-oh, Troy, we have to guess the answer."
"It isn't a game of Guess. You guys are leaders. You need to be able to determine what's going on without always relying on someone to tell you, to give you his or her version or interpretation. You are both capable of answering the question."
They looked at each other. "He wanted to be hurt?" Troy asked.
"No-o-o-o, but what you said may be in the area of a right answer." Jeremy theorized, continuing to look into Troy's eyes as though each were reading thoughts in the other's vision. He was silent for a brief time. "He wanted sex, so he went were he knew he could get it easily."
"He wanted sex to block the pain of knowing that he would never get any again from Robert," Troy said, reading Jeremy's eyes. "He knew he was cute enough to get one or two guys there interested in him. They would do him but not ask questions."
"He could have been flirting with the idea of being punished while getting sex." Jeremy continued.
"Punished because he was blaming himself for losing Robert," Troy added.
"You guys are good. You make a good team," I observed. They smiled at each other.
"So what do we do now?" Troy asked.
"For the meantime, he stays here until his parents return. Do you know when that is, Jeremy?"
"By midweek. He can stay in my room." Jeremy looked at Troy. "Should we cancel the double date so that I can stay here with Kenny?"
I started to answer, then thought "Evan, shut up. They can handle this."
"I think Jeremy needs for life to look ordinary around him because that is what he will want to return to as soon as possible. He wouldn't like thinking he caused us to cancel the evening's plans. But next time, Susan can fix him up if he wants a date. Should we ask him to go with us?" Troy wondered.
"I think that may be integrating too soon for him. He can stay here with Evan-if that's okay with you, Evan? Maybe you and Tim are doing something?" Jeremy asked, turning to look at me.
"Good thinking about Kenny's behavior on both your parts," I said. "Bout the other, Tim and I have no plans." AGAIN that glance passed between them. What did they know?
We chatted for a while about tomorrow night's double date, about the next week-my follow-up visit with Dr. Sorenson, my belief (to which they looked skeptical) that he would allow me to return to school. Jeremy's work schedule. My needing the car. The need for a trip to the grocery store. About Jeremy's taking Kenny home to get some clothes while Troy, Cody, and a couple of his big jock friends would retrieve Kenny's car from the parking lot of the dive.
I asked Jeremy again if he had given any thought to having his friends over for a social evening, say next Friday or Saturday evening. That query lit their fires, enlivening them as they talked about which night. It was decided that Friday night was good because that would leave Saturday night for another evening of fun.
"Where are we putting the kegs?" Jeremy asked, his eyes twinkling with mischief.
"We don't need kegs of salsa," I replied, looking sober as a judge. "We won't have that many chips." Troy and Jeremy groaned. "You know the rules," I intoned parentally.
"But Da-a-a-a-a-a-d . . .," Jeremy whined. Then he started grinning. "Yeah, we know the rules. Who's invited?"
"I'm not inviting anyone although I may ask a couple of chaperones to help out. It's your get-together for your friends. You will decide whom to invite. Perhaps we need to settle on a manageable number. Only so many people will fit in here."
"Oh, I know!" he said excitedly. "Kitty Cat and her sleek felines from that topless bar on Creighton Street."
"You know about a topless bar and where it is located?" I asked.
"Every stud in school knows about the bar," Jeremy said, mugging superiority.
"Then I guess I'll have to exercise veto power over the guest list."
"Oh great," Jeremy looked at Troy in disgust. "That means we'll have to invite Prunella Grunt and Wanda Warthog."
Troy and I burst into laughter. Jeremy looked pleased that he had brought levity to the moment. "Listen, guys, I need to retire. I'm weary," I admitted. "I'll see you both tomorrow."
They wished me a good night. I heard them finalizing tomorrow evening's schedule as I moved down the hall to open Jeremy's bedroom door silently. I crutched into the room to check on Kenny. He was still on his side, breathing softly. I turned, leaving the room as silently as I'd entered. I returned to my bedroom, closing the door.
As I pulled the bedspread back, my mind returned to the glances Jeremy and Troy had shot between themselves when Tim was mentioned. It didn't make me feel good. Even though he was joking about other matters, Jeremy hadn't joked any about Tim and me, revealing that something was making him pussyfoot around the topic. Troy had asked if Tim were going to visit this evening, which meant he didn't know Tim's plans. I wondered how Susan would have behaved in those moments had she been here. In fact, I wondered why she and Troy weren't together tonight. Oh . . . I realized that they decided Jeremy needed a night out with the boys. I hoped Troy had wanted an opportunity to move Jeremy into his guy circle. Susan would certainly go along with that.
Had Susan been here, would she have told me something if she knew anything? Good question. Would she warn me about something? She had never done so. But then, she had not needed to do so.
After preparing for bed and visiting the bathroom, I eased down on the sheets. I thought about Tim's easing down beside me, feeling my body roll toward his as his shifted toward me. It seemed as though I tossed and turned for an hour. Suddenly, Tim was beside me, his long arms pulling me against his naked body, my naked body tight against him, the hair on his chest, stomach, crotch, legs tickling me as he threw a leg over me and smashed his lips against mine. His tongue took possession of mine. He was turned on.
He rolled me onto my back, looking into my eyes. Then he moved back, bending over my pecs, chewing on a nipple while his fingertips played over my stomach. This was not going to be tender love-making. When he moved to the other nipple, his hand moved down to my thighs, his fingertips playing lightly over the skin there.
He moved down to my dick, placing his lips just behind the cap as his tongue ran rapidly around its circumference. My ass was doing a dance on the bed, for Tim was turning me on big time. He pulled off, placed his arms under my knees, and lifted, raising my ass toward him. He started aggressively licking my ass cheeks, pausing occasionally to stab at my pucker with his tongue. After a time, he lowered me to the bed, grabbed the lube from the nightstand drawer, and spread a dollop on his cock, using the residue to slick up my hole. He wasn't going to lube me inside. I guess he wanted a degree of roughness with this fuck. Why?
He raised my ass enough to place a pillow under it, moving the head of his big dick up to my hole. He plunged in, eliciting a yelp from me. Then he started pumping as though he were in a race. Suddenly, I saw someone move into the field of my vision. Tim sensed him too, turning to look at him. He smiled. They started talking, then flirting, but what they were saying didn't register with me. Just noise.
The guy was young, blond, tall, swimmer's physique, handsome. Wide shoulders but not overly developed pecs, thin waist. His legs were beautiful. Just looking at them made my cock throb. Tim's eyes were glittering. All of a sudden he pulled out, making me yelp again. They started walking off into the shadows, Tim's hard dick bobbing back and forth. He threw an arm around the shoulders of the blond, who placed an arm around Tim's waist. I called and called after Tim. I was ashamed of myself, but I was begging him to come back. Couldn't he hear me? He gave no sign. They disappeared in the darkness. I shot up in bed.
It had only been a dream. But I felt as though Tim had actually gone off with a guy better than I. Sleep wasn't going to return. Slipping into a bathrobe, I quietly moved out to the sunroom, not turning on any lights. I sat there in the dark, trying to calm the storm inside.
Immediately, the dream about the exercise room and the ominous shadow popped into my mind. I hadn't really taken that dream seriously. Should I take this dream seriously? I had never had much recollection of my dreams. In fact, I had claimed never to have any except for a few in which I was able to smoke again without getting hooked.
I had been sitting there only about five minutes when a shadow filled the doorway of the sunroom. Jeremy. He stepped down and walked over to me, squatting and placing a hand on my leg. The white of his briefs gleamed in the darkness. "You had a bad dream," he said. "I heard you calling for Tim."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Jeremy. I didn't mean to awaken you." I was glad the dark hid my blush.
"You didn't. I was checking on Kenny."
"How is he?"
"Sleeping like a baby. How are you feeling now?" Jeremy asked.
I didn't answer right away. "Confused."
"About you and Tim?"
"The dream."
"Did I cause the bad dream?"
"Oh no. You weren't in it at all."
"What do you think it means?"
"Nothing. What is it Scrooge says after Marley's ghost visits him in 'A Christmas Carol?' He's trying to explain away the ghost. He says perhaps it was something he ate, a piece of beef that didn't digest well. I'll have to pay more attention to what I am eating in the evening. Or maybe the pain pills. That's probably it." What a choice for an illustration-Marley's ghost predicts visits by other ghosts, predicts the future. I hoped Jeremy didn't follow the allusion that far.
"Are you worried about anything?" Jeremy asked.
"Naw. What's to be worried about-other than Kenny?"
Silence ensued. "Okay," Jeremy said, "I'll go back to bed. If you need me, call."
"Surely," I replied.
I wondered if he bought it.
(To be continued.)